Gravity Falls (2012) s02e01 Episode Script

Thirty long years and it's all led up to this.
My greatest achievement! Probably should have worn pants.
Agh! Feisty, I like it.
If I finally pull this off, it will all have been worth it.
I just need to keep playing it cool.
If anyone ever finds out about this Yeah, right.
I've come this far.
Who could possibly catch me now? See there, there it is again.
We haven't seen readings like this for 30 years.
Is it coming from deep space? An enemy weapons site? Just as I suspected.
Gentlemen, we're going to Gravity Falls.
Oh, right.
Show time.
Welcome to the grand re-opening of the Mystery Shack! Mystery Shack! We're here to celebrate the defeat of that skunk little Gideon.
Boo! Please, please, boo harder.
Boo! But I didn't catch that pork chop all alone.
These two scams deserve some of the glory.
Oh! Okay, okay.
Most of the glory.
Smile for the camera.
Your camera's a cinder block, Toby.
I just want to be a part of things.
Smile for a real camera.
Everyone say "something stupid.
" Something stupid! And don't forget to come to the after party tonight at 8:00.
We're doing a karaoke bonanza, people.
Lights! Music! Enchantment! Phoo! And an amazing karaoke performance by our family band, Love Patrol Alpha.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I would never agree to that ever.
Too late, I wrote your names on the list.
It's happening.
Buy your ticket, people.
You know you don't have anything else going on in your lives.
I'm talking to you, pizza guy.
Don't lame out on me.
Ha! The town loves us.
We finally got that Gideon smell out of the carpet.
Everything is finally going my way.
Hey, Grunkle Stan, now that we have a moment, I've been meaning to ask you for my journal back.
What? Journal? Oh, you mean this old thing? It was so boring I couldn't even finish it.
You didn't see nothing.
Wait, you're just gonna give it to me? Just like that? What else do you want? A kiss on the cheek? I-- I got to go.
Whoa! I wouldn't mind a kiss on the cheek.
Not gonna happen.
Mabel, we've got to talk.
Almost losing my journal made me realize that I'm halfway through the summer and still no closer to figuring out the big mysteries of Gravity Falls.
Gideon almost destroyed the town to get his hands on this journal.
But why? Who wrote it? Where are all the other journals? What was Bill talking about when he said everything was going to change? There's something huge going on right under our noses.
And it's time we stop goofing around and get to the bottom of it.
Bro, you've looked at that thing, like, a bazillion times.
There's nothing left to discover.
Half the pages are blank, remember? I just feel like I'm one puzzle piece away from figuring out everything.
Don't worry, Dipper.
Lord Mystery Ham is on the case.
"I play by me own rules! What? What?" I don't know why I tell you things.
Do you hear that? Hey, Mr.
Pines, what's that code word I'm supposed to yell when I see a government vehicle? Wait, what? Government vehicle? The Mystery Shack is now closed.
Everybody out! I will not hesitate to use the hose on the elderly.
Uncle Stan, what's happening? Yeah, you never shut down the gift shop.
Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentlemen.
What can I get you? Key chains? Snow globes? These rare photos of American Presidents? My name is Agent Powers.
This is Agent Trigger.
We're here to investigate reports of mysterious activity in this town.
Activity.
Mysterious activity in the Mystery Shack? You got to be joking.
I assure you I am not.
I was born with a rare disorder that makes me physically incapable of experiencing humor.
I don't understand that sound you're making with your mouth.
Now if you'll excuse us, we're conducting an investigation.
Investigation.
Wait, wait.
Did you guys say you're investigating the mysteries of this town? That information is classified.
But, yes.
Look, between you and me, I believe there is a conspiracy of paranormal origin all connected to this town.
We're just one small lead away from blowing the lid off this entire mystery.
Are you kidding me? I'm investigating the exact same thing.
I found this journal in the woods which has almost all the answers.
If we work together, we could crack the case.
If you have evidence of these claims, we should talk.
We can talk right now.
Please, please, come in.
I have so much to show you.
I'm sorry, agents.
Kid has an overactive imagination and, like, a sweating problem.
Zing! Paranormal town stuff, it's just part of gift shop lore.
Sells more tickets, you know.
Pop-poro-po-po.
Swag.
We have other spots to investigate.
We'll be on our way.
I'm confiscating this for evidence.
Smart move.
Wait! No, wait! We have so much to talk about.
Hold it, kiddo.
Trust me, the last thing you want around here in a party is cops.
I'm confiscating that card.
And how's about you go be a normal kid? Flirt with a girl, or steal a pie off a windowsill.
But, Grunkle Stan, you don't understand.
And don't go talking to those agents.
That could have been my big break.
Bro, maybe Grunkle Stan is right.
We're throwing a party tonight.
Can't you go one night without searching for aliens or raising the dead or whatever? I'm not gonna raise the dead.
I just need a chance to show those agents my book.
Trust me, Dipper.
The only book you'll need tonight is right here.
Boo! I say "kara," you say "oke.
" Kara Kara Kara I could do this all day.
Agh! Well, the confetti cannon works.
And the karaoke machine has all the best songs.
"We built this township on rock and roll.
" "Danger lane to highway town.
" "Taking over midnight" by AmperSandra.
Listen, kid, you do not want to hear this voice singing.
Trust me.
Grunkle Stan, karaoke isn't about sounding good.
It's about sounding terrible, together.
Check it out! These black lights make my teeth look scary.
It's like a crime scene in my mouth.
Come on, you'll love it.
It's not fair.
Finally I meet someone who can help me solve the mysteries of this town and Stan confiscates their card.
Dude, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm pretty sure Stan hides like everything in his room.
If I go into Stan's room, I could get in so much trouble.
Yeah, you're probably right.
That's what makes it fun, dummy.
Man, I can't wait to smash these Stanatas.
Smash! Grenda has entered the party! Stan's brains look delicious.
Girls! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh, Mabel! Is that a boom box sweater? See for yourself.
Poke! Yeah, yeah! Work it! Ah! Aw! I thought this was gonna be a rave.
Thompson, take off your shirt and make it a rave.
I'll do anything for your approval.
Oh, come on.
I promise I won't send it to anyone.
Who's got one good eye and one good pie? These kegs are full of meat.
Tambry sends me the craziest text.
The whole town is showing up and no sign of those pesky agents.
Wendy, Dipper, how are those posters coming along? Hmm.
I'll keep an eye out for Stan.
You go rustle through his weird old man biz.
All right, Grunkle Stan, where did you hide that card? Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Ew! Pretending I never saw that.
Wait a minute.
Yes! I got it! Agent Powers.
Hi, this is Dipper.
The kid from the Mystery Shack, the one with the, um, sweating problem.
I have that journal I wanted to show you.
And you're certain this journal will help our case? I'm 100% positive.
Very well.
We're on our way.
Sorry, Dipper.
I got distracted.
Kid, why did you call those agents? I've told you once, I've told you 100 times, there's nothing supernatural going on in Gravity Falls.
Yes, there is.
After everything that's happened, you have to know that by now.
All I know is that your dumb obsession is gonna get us all in trouble one of these days.
Now go enjoy the rest of the party, 'cause when it's over, you're grounded.
Hmm.
Hey, boys, looking good! Gorney, you clean up nice.
Mr.
Poolcheck, move those crazy legs.
You-- You weird pool man.
What's the problem, officers? Did you catch my face going 90 smiles per hour? We've got complaints about the loudest party in town.
Three words.
We want in.
Welcome to your dreams.
Guys, I'm so glad to see you.
Working together, we can crack all the big questions of Gravity Falls.
Trust me, this book is the lead you've been looking for.
I'm thinking full-scale investigation.
Forensics, researchers.
Do you guys have a helicopter? I'm sorry, "helicopters".
Kid, I'd love to believe you, but this just looks like more junk from your uncle's gift shop.
I mean, "leprecorn"? I can't be the only one that thinks that it's not funny.
I can confirm.
Not funny.
No, it's real, I swear.
You should "send it to the lab".
Am I saying that right? Your uncle was right about that overactive imagination.
We've got paperwork to do, kid.
- Boring paperwork.
- Wait! This book is real.
Gnomes, cursed objects, spells! Listen! Uh Uh Corpus Levitas! Uh, Diablo Dominus! Um, Mondo Vicium! Huh? Huh? Ha, a zombie! A real actual zombie, see.
Spooky journal, 100% real.
Now can we work together? - Mother of all that is holy.
- What do we do? It's just one zombie.
Trust me, I see stuff like this all the time.
Good thing it was just that one.
Oh, my gosh.
You guys can help, right? Kid, we've been chasing the paranormal for years, but we've never seen anything like this before.
Get down! Oh, my gosh.
What have I done? What up, fools? It's Blubs and Durls Making all that money and getting them girls Oh! What do you say, guys? Is this party legendary? When I say Mabel, you say Pines.
Mabel! Mabel! We're all gonna die! Why does that never work? Whoa, whoa.
I think it's an earthquake.
Hey, everybody, we got to get out of here! We're all doomed.
Quick! Into my getaway pouch! Mabel, escape while you still can! Wait! No! Don't leave! You haven't even done our family karaoke song yet.
Dipper, what's the one thing I asked you not to do tonight? Raise the dead.
- And what did you do? - Raise the dead.
Get back, dudes.
This is about to get intense.
Sorry, one second.
You've got to admit this is pretty cool.
Zombies! Don't panic.
Maybe they're just a really ugly flash mob.
Dudes, stay calm.
I've been training for this moment my whole life.
With all the horror movies I've seen, I know literally everything there is to know about how to avoid zombies.
Second thought, gonna flip the script.
Can I eat your brains? Yay or nay? Seeing some yay faces over here.
Quick, the golf cart.
Oh, come on.
That's a bummer.
Good news for me though.
Soos! Sorry, dude, I just really want those brains.
Stay back! Give it up, dudes.
Your fighting only makes us look more rad.
What do we do? Where's Grunkle Stan? How's he supposed to help? He doesn't even believe in the supernatural.
Those agents could ruin everything.
Darn kid! He has no idea what he's messing with.
He's stubborn.
That's his problem.
Sort of like me, I suppose.
I got too much on my mind to worry about those kids right now.
All right, let's see.
Take that, sucker! This thing's a surprisingly good weapon.
We need to board up all the windows.
Okay, maybe that will hold them.
- Oh! - Hi, dudes.
By the way, I taught the zombies how to get to the fuse box.
Among these dudes I'm like a genius.
Get those brains, dog.
Dipper, isn't there something in the journal about defeating zombies? No! There's nothing in here about weaknesses.
This can't be happening.
I wanted answers so bad I put everyone in danger.
Now we're toast.
It's all my fault and no one can save us.
No! Mabel, I'm sorry! Dipper! You two, attic, now! Grunkle-- Grunkle Stan? I said now! All right, you undead jerks, you ready to die twice? The only wrinkly monster who harasses my family is me.
Take that! And that! Beat it, no-eyes.
Anyone else want a piece? Oh! Ow! Everything hurts.
Grunkle Stan, that was amazing! Are you all right? Well, at least, you can't deny magic exists anymore, right? Kid, I've always known.
Wait.
What are you talking about? I'm not an idiot, Dipper.
Of course, this town is weird and the one thing I know about that weirdness is that it's dangerous.
I've been lying about it to try to keep you away from it, to try to protect you from it.
It looks like I didn't lie well enough.
What do we do? What do we do? Normally, the journal would help us, but there's nothing in there about defeating zombies.
It's hopeless.
Wait, wait, wait, the text! It's glowing in the black light.
What? All this time I thought I knew all the journal secrets.
But they're written in some kind of invisible ink.
Invisible ink? This is it.
"Zombies have a weakness! Previously thought to be invincible, their skulls can be shattered by a perfect three part harmony.
" Three part harmony? How can we create that? I have a naturally high pitched scream.
I can make noises with my body.
Sometimes intentionally.
Boys, boys.
I think you're both missing the obvious solution.
Hello.
Hello.
Does this seem loud? Oh, Gossiping Housewives is on.
Eh, I already sat down.
Zombies and gentlemen, I'm Mable, they're Dipper and Stan and together, we are Love Patrol Alpha! I never agreed to that name.
Hit it! Uh, Mabel, our lives may not be worth this.
Friday night We're gonna party till dawn Don't worry, Daddy I've got my favorite dress on Mabel, this is stupid.
We roll into the party The boys are looking our way We just keep dancing We don't care what they say And all the boys are ganging up in my face Guys, we have to sing together or it won't work.
Boys are a bore Let's show 'em the door We're taking over the dance floor Oo-oo Girls do what we like Oo-oo We're taking over tonight, oo-oo Girls do what we like, oo-oo We're taking over tonight We're queens of the disco! Oo-oo Girls do what we like We're taking over tonight Taking over tonight Duck! Thank you! We'll be here all night! Deal with it, zombie idiots! Pines! Pines! Pines! Pines! I'm sorry about this, guys.
I totally ruined everything.
Dipper, are you kidding me? I got to sing karaoke with my two favorite people in the world.
No party could ever top that.
Kids, listen, this town is crazy.
So you need to be careful.
I don't know what I'd do with myself if you got hurt on my watch.
I'll let you hold onto that spooky journal as long as you promise me you'll only use it for self-defense and not go looking for trouble.
Okay, as long as you promise me that you don't have any other bombshell secrets about this town.
Promise.
Promise.
Man, we have got a lot of zombie damage to clean up.
Where's my handyman anyway? Brains! Brains! Holy Moses! Wait! There's a page in here about curing zombification.
It's gonna take a lot of formaldehyde.
Ooh, and cinnamon.
Come on, Soos, let's fix you up.
Brains! Brains! Soos, cut it out! Sorry, dude.
I can't believe it.
All this time the author's secrets were hiding in plain sight.
A whole new chapter of mysteries to explore.
That was insane.
I've never seen anything like it.
Who do we report to? This is bigger than we imagined.
We need to bring in the big guns.
But they'll never believe us.
Then we'll make them believe us.
This is the town we've been searching for.
Ba-- Ba-- Bam.
Another zombie! - Drop your weapon! - Drop your weapon! Oh, okay, it's just-- - Who is that guy? - A very ugly man.