Ground Floor (2013) s02e01 Episode Script

1 Ugh.
Oh, I do not want this vacation to end.
Promise me when we get home, we'll only speak French to each other.
Oh, ce sera comme nous sommes sur notre propre île privée au paradis.
I was kind of hoping for English with a fake French accent.
(French accent) But of course.
(Chuckles) I had such a good time.
Mm.
And you are really sexy.
You put the "moan" in Mona Lisa.
- (Normal voice) Me? - Mm-hmm.
You put the "oomph" in arc de triomphe.
Ooh.
(Chuckles) You put your hands in my pants at the Louvre.
I know that that's not what we're doing right now, but it was fun.
Yeah.
It was all fun.
Yeah, it was.
And you know what the best part was? What? No Mansfield.
I mean, you blew off opening a new office in Hong Kong to go to Paris with me, and your boss didn't even call or e-mail or text.
He fired me.
Right before I got on the plane with you, Mansfield called, and he told me that I was fired, and I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be upset.
(Chuckles) (Laughs) Wow.
Misread that one.
You blew off a great job to go on vacation with your girlfriend? It's so stupid! Hey, man, don't listen to her.
Anybody in your shoes would have done (Laughing) The exact same I'm sorry.
I can't get through it! Uh, Threepeat, what are you doing here? Excuse me.
I'm a business traveler.
I couldn't help but overhear that you seem to be a complete dumb-ass.
Wait.
Derrick.
What are you It's a dream.
Ah, it's only a dream.
(Exhales forcefully) (Bell dings) Mesdames et messieurs, please take a moment to locate the emergency exits.
They are located here and here and here by this douche in 3-e.
It's a nightmare.
It's only a nightmare.
(Bell dings) I'm your pilot captain Mansfield.
And, you go ahead and hang onto your nuts.
It's gonna be a really rough ride.
My tray table is in the upright and locked position.
Get off my girlfriend! (Sighs) Ugh.
I do not want this vacation to end.
Promise me when we get home, we'll only speak French to each other.
Oui.
Bonjour! I'm back, and I've got presents for everybody! Where is everybody? Thank God you are back! Where the hell you been, girl? Things around here have been, as the French would say, bat-shit crazy! Why would they be crazy? Hello, Jenny.
If you want a welcome-back kiss, you are gonna have to beg for it.
Mm.
Where is everyone? When you were in Paris with my Nemesis, I went through the five stages of grief denial, anger, rage, more anger.
But the good news is I was able to work through it.
By firing everybody's ass.
Okay, you know what? I didn't fire everybody.
A lot of those people quit to avoid being fired.
Oh, my gosh.
You said that you could handle being in charge.
And you believed me.
We both made mistakes.
And now everybody's gone! Even Tori! She was a rare flower that grew in the dark, okay? A rare flower that never, ever wore a bra.
Here's her resignation.
This is a a picture of a baby seal? No, she put that ass on the copy machine.
You know what? Good for her.
Well, looks like in the end, it all worked out.
No, Harvard, it didn't all work out, okay? I just got back from the only nice vacation of my whole life.
I got touched in the Louvre.
That's pretty special.
I've never had my Louvre touched.
Okay, lookit.
I'm still about basking in this afterglow, okay? I'm not gonna let you ruin that, so you need to fix this.
Now, if anybody needs me, I will be by the dumpster basking.
Well, look, I'll replace everyone, okay? I'm a better man now.
You can trust me.
Don't leave him in charge! You're fired! Okay.
You're re-hired.
You're re-hired.
You're re-hired! So, you're new here.
Yeah, I'm Lindsay.
I took over for some guy who had a complete meltdown.
- Mm-hmm.
- Total implosion.
Pissed away everything.
I mean, I would kill myself.
It's you, isn't it? It is.
I would kill myself.
Yeah, well, I'm not going to.
Though I can't believe they gave you my desk.
You know, I had this desk for five years.
Really? Yeah.
Then this must be yours.
It was so full of hair-care products, I figured you were a girl.
Trust me.
I'm all man.
Pomegranate shampoo? Where were you in Paris? (Sniffs) Ahh.
Anyway, I'm so happy you got fired because I really love this job, but you seem so nice.
I really hope you have someone at home who can help you through this.
Maybe a boyfriend.
I don't have a boyfriend, okay? I'm not you know what? I don't owe you an explanation.
I have a girlfriend who I just took to Paris.
There were hands in the pants at the Louvre, and that's all you need to know.
Mr.
Mansfield.
Brody! What's up, man? Does Mansfield know you're using his office? Does Mansfield know I'm using his office? No, he does not.
No.
But he's not coming back from Hong Kong until tomorrow, so relax, sit down.
What are you doing here? Well, I'm trying to convince Mansfield to give me my job back.
Hmm.
Okay.
And I'm trying to convince the sun to cool down.
Look, I know it's not gonna be easy, okay? There's gonna be yelling, jaw flexing, obscure military references, but eventually, he'll come around.
You really think so? Trust me, he'll be like (Imitating Mansfield) "Mr.
Moyer, are you familiar with the third punic war?" That's really good, but you got to project a little more power from the hips, right? It's kind of like, um (Imitating Mansfield) "You see that skyline? Everything the light touches is mine.
" Mr.
wen, what in the hell are you doing in my office? That's pretty good.
It sounds like you're actually swallowing gravel.
Whaa! Uh, Mr.
Mansfield.
You weren't supposed to be back here until tomorrow.
I'm on Hong Kong time.
For me, it is tomorrow.
Then I am leaving yesterday.
Mr.
Mansfield, I'm sure you must be mad.
I'm not mad.
I'm What's the word? Furious? No.
Irate? Nope.
Enraged? Incensed? Nix.
Not it.
Livid? Indignant? Nil.
Never.
Hungry? A little bit.
Psychotic? Watch it! I'll think of the word.
You just have to let me explain.
I don't think you're going to have the time, Mr.
Moyer.
Brody Moyer.
Please come with us.
Oh, come on, Mr.
Mansfield.
We can't let it end like this.
You have to at least hear me out.
Hold on.
Nothing.
That's the word.
I feel nothing.
Good day.
Oh, hey, babe.
Hi.
How's it going? I miss Paris.
(Chuckles) Here's a thought.
What if you and I go up the street to that Louvre? You know, the Louvre is the name of the museum in Paris, it's not just the French word for museum, right? I know that.
Now.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Threepeat.
Okay, I'll let you guys get back to work.
Have fun.
Thank yo-o-o-o-o-o-o-u Didn't tell her you got fired? I wanted to tell her in Paris, but I lost my window.
I lost my job, and I lost my window, and I hate losing things.
Ow.
Brody, you're a star, man.
Why don't you just get a job at another firm? And start over with someone new? Well, at least see what's out there.
You're still young.
You got a tight resume and a rocking body of work.
Well, yeah.
Everyone knows I'm D.
T.
F.
, you know? Down to finance.
But no, I-I am not ready to go somewhere else.
Most people spend their whole lives trying to figure out where they're supposed to be.
I was lucky enough to find it here, and I'm not ready to let it go.
You know what? I'm gonna talk to Mansfield.
I'll I'm gonna take care of this.
Really? Thanks, man.
Oh, and I also need you to freeze out this new girl, Lindsay.
I want that desk back.
She will be Frozen like Elsa.
Dude, you need to stop watching that movie.
Never.
Brody! Brody, Brody, Brody, Brody.
Brody, whoa.
Who's this new guy coming to say hi? It's me.
The new Harvard.
While you were away with Jenny, I did a lot of work on myself.
Quality work.
Kind of quality America used to be known for.
I'm done wasting my time hating you.
I'm above hating.
I'm above you with your smug face and your store-bought clothes and hairless chin, and I ha I-I ha-a-a I hate you so much! Damn it! Hey, Mr.
Mansfield.
Can I talk to you for a sec? Miss miss Miller, I-is this about Brody? Actually, I-I just wanted to give you a little something for being so cool about letting Brody go to Paris.
Oh, dear.
I know it must have been really hard for you to do without him for two weeks and not call or e-mail or anything.
Listen, the the fact of the matter is that oh.
It's a beret! Most men can't pull off a beret.
Yeah, well, you're not most men.
No, I'm not.
I'm stunning.
It it says "monsieur Mansfield" on it.
It says "I heart Paris" on the back.
Oh, and I do heart the hell right out of Paris, too.
Lookit.
Jenny, there's something I need to tell you, but you have to promise me that no matter how it turns out I get to keep the beret.
Well, it says here on your resume that you have 10 years in the trans America basement and an allergy to natural light.
I got to tell you, welcome to the exit.
It's right over there.
It's right over there.
Go.
Now.
Go! Dude, what was wrong with him? He was wearing pants, and he didn't have a face tattoo.
Hello? Short hair, wears a suit.
Remind you of anyone? Come on, man.
Everybody, everybody reminds you of Brody.
Even that Asian guy with the eye patch.
Yeah.
He had on an eye patch.
He looked like a pirate.
"Pirates of penzance.
" Oh, what is that? Brody's favorite operetta? Do I have to draw you a treasure map? Look, okay, I understand being picky.
These are our co-workers.
We're gonna be together for up to 3 hours a day.
But you're gonna have to pick somebody! Oh, my God, why is this office still empty? Because everybody who interviews reminds Harvard of Brody.
Okay, I'm just trying to avoid people who bring out my worst behavior, okay? I did a lot of work on myself, and I'm not just gonna undo that.
Hi, I'm here to interview for the job.
My name's bodhi.
Bodhi? (Chuckles) Nice try, asshole.
Hey, Jenny.
You texted me? Yeah.
Um, I was just upstairs looking for you.
And you didn't see me because I was working on this big project with Threepeat, who I'm sure you did see upstairs because he was getting us pencils and tape, so that checks out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, um, except for the part about you being fired.
Did I leave out the fired part? You got fired? You got fired? Is this a dream? Is this no, it can't be.
Look, Jenny has pants on, I have pants on.
Not a dream.
(Laughs) Yeah! You got fired! (Laughs maniacally) Yeah! Yeah! Baby, why didn't you tell me that you got fired? Look, I wanted to, but we were having such a great time in Paris, and I didn't want you to feel guilty.
Oh.
Oh, guilty? Why would I feel guilty? Huh? You wouldn't.
Why would you? Who said that? You did.
Just now.
I heard you.
Look, all I meant was I loved Paris the food, the wine.
And by the way, I don't think you gained any weight.
Why would you bring that up? I wouldn't.
I just know you felt bad because you ate so much.
We both did.
But we walked a lot.
You know what? Don't patronize me like I'm some needy girly girl, okay? If you think I gained weight, you can just tell me.
Is this a trap? Of course it's a trap.
Baby, I love you, and I'm so sorry that you lost this job, but I'm I'm not gonna feel guilty about it.
You're right.
Right.
Going on that trip was my mistake.
Oh.
So now it's a mistake? I'm having a hard time choosing my words today.
Babe, I know how important that job is to you, so I can't imagine how hard this has been, but, you know, if you love somebody, you got to be able to be honest with them.
You're right.
I'm gonna tell Mansfield the truth.
I meant me, but that's okay.
Just to be clear, this is strictly a work relationship.
You need to get caught up on the commodity futures markets.
Fortunately for you, I have already written the definitive guide on that very complicated subject.
Learn it.
Study it.
Worship it.
This is your Bible now.
Way ahead of you, sir.
I read it, studied it, and corrected it.
You don't correct the Bible.
It's why they call it the Bible.
(Scoffs) Can't believe you had the nerve to Make this so much better.
I also added a chapter on central American tariffs.
Tariffs are kind of my jam.
Well, this was supposed to take you all week.
What do we do now? (Scoffs ) Now we have you seen "Frozen"? Mr.
Mansfield, I need to speak to you.
I'm not interested in getting your apology.
Well, I'm not giving you one.
Then now I am interested.
Sir, I know blowing you off for Jenny was impulsive, emotional, and objectively, pretty damn stupid.
And if you put me in the same position 100 times, I would do the same thing every time because someone I look up to like a father once told me to never apologize for a decision based on love.
That was me.
Now, sir, I will do everything I can to regain your confidence, but if you truly think that what I did was unforgivable, then just tell me to my face that I am fired, and I will walk out that door, and you will never see me again.
You're fired.
Oh, come on! Lookit.
You and I had a relationship that was based on trust.
Then let's start over.
(Clears throat) This is my resume.
My name is Brody Moyer, and I'd like to apply for a job at Remington Trust.
All right, fair enough.
I'll I'll play along.
Mr.
Moyer, is it? Graduated with honors from Stanford.
Top of your class, Harvard Business School.
That's very impressive.
Oh, Remington Trust, I hear, is a very challenging place to work.
Well, it has its moments, but there's no better place to learn.
Well, this resume is bulletproof.
The job is yours.
Really? Mr.
Mansfield, thank you so much after I check your references.
Mr.
Mansfield, please.
It is? You have a very nice voice, too, sir.
I like him.
Okay.
This is silly.
I'm sitting here with a, uh a Brody Moyer.
Oh, easy on the language, there, cowboy.
Uh, he doesn't care for you one bit.
Yes, I-I get the point.
You say he pissed away an opportunity and left the company high and dry without notice for a girl? Tell him it's not for a you know what? She's I know it's you.
Thank you, sir.
And I'll try not to repeat the mistake you did.
I love you, too.
I'm real sorry.
You know, you don't have to give me my old job back.
I will take any job.
I will start at the bottom and work my way up.
I don't think you understand.
There isn't a bottom low enough for you to work your way back up from.
I'm here to apply for a job on the ground floor.
Oh, come on! Brody, I'm gonna put this in the nicest way that I know how.
I would rather slam my testicles in a cold, rusty car door every day for a month and I mean a long month.
Not like February.
Than spend five minutes working with you.
Damn, you got a nice resume.
Feels like it was printed on a pillowcase.
Can I keep this? You can now.
Okay, you know what? I've been thinking about this, and I don't think you should try and get your job back.
I mean, you could work anywhere, babe, and he doesn't even deserve you.
And besides, I think it might be really healthy for us to not work in the same building.
I just applied for a job down here.
Or you can go that way.
I already told him how I felt.
Oh, God.
Was it the testicles in the cold, rusty car door? He says that every time I suggest thai food for lunch.
You know, America has peanuts, too.
We just don't put them on everything.
Look, I won't let Mansfield bring me down that easily.
I'm gonna prove to that son of a bitch that I'm willing to do anything to get my job back.
But if you think it would be too uncomfortable for me to work down here, just say, "I can't hire you," and I will walk out that door and never bring it up again.
I can't hire you.
That strategy is not working for me.
I don't know.
What if we, like, get on each other's nerves? We'll be working together, so that's like four hours a day.
Yeah, but we were together and that was the best time of our lives.
Aww.
Now you're just playing dirty.
(Both chuckle) I can feel your Louvre.
You really don't know what that means.
C'est bon.
Oh, now, what the hell? Mr.
Mansfield, is it fun hat day? No, it's not.
Then never mind.
What the hell happened to my jade plant while I was gone? I believe the plant lady takes care of those, and she was fired.
Well, then, call down to the ground floor and have them send up a new plant lady.
I'm the new plant lady.
The hell are you doing? I'm starting at the bottom, and I'd go deeper if I could.
I would go as deep into that bottom as humanly possible.
Wish you had that sentence back? Also wish I wasn't wearing these gloves when I said it.
You've misjudged the situation, Mr.
Moyer.
I don't want you working here at all.
See, I don't believe you.
I believe that this is another one of your tests, and I also believe that you are secretly happy I'm willing to fight this hard to get my job back.
You're wasting your time.
(Whistles) Everybody back to work.
And, you moisten my succulent.
It's from game of thrones.
What do you think? I don't know.
If we're going to start a fantasy sword collection and I've long thought we should is this really the sword to start with? What did you have in mind? Well, off the top of my head, I'd have to go with Excalibur.
It gives you the right to rule england.