Hiccups (2010) s02e01 Episode Script

Wow, a Grumpaloo movie! This is exciting news.
Yeah, it's fantastic.
Well, you don't seem very jazzed about it.
The studio executives want a meet-and-greet with Millie.
I have always gone to great lengths to keep her out of L.
A.
'Cause she sunburns easily.
No, because Hollywood is full of paparazzi, not a good environment for someone who regularly causes scenes.
Well, to be fair, with my help, she's gone from regularly causing scenes to occasionally creating a stir.
Nevertheless, the executives insist on meeting her, so I have no choice.
Millie is going to L.
A.
, and you know what that means? Yes, but you tell me what you think it means so we're on the same page.
It means you're going to L.
A.
Awesome! It-it's awesome that we both thought it meant the same thing.
But, I don't want Millie to feel like she's being babysat, so we need an excuse for why you're tagging along.
Hey, Joyce, you know that trip to L.
A.
for the movie thing? Stan should come.
Can Stan come? Sure.
What the hell.
This is going to be great.
I've never been to L.
A.
Your parents never took you to Disneyland? No.
That's just cruel.
It is, isn't it? I mean, not when you compare it to actual cruel things, like thumb screws and Christmas pageants, but-- whoa! Ba-boomba! When did that happen? What? That belly thing.
Boom! Are you saying I'm fat? Preggo.
Pregnant.
Thick with child.
I'm not pregnant.
You're not pregnant? No, I just put on a bit around the middle.
Too much ice cream.
Ice cream covered in naughty sauce, and sprinkled with shenanigans and topped with Sex.
I'm not pregnant.
Oh, by the way, I'm not going to be around for the next while.
Why? Where are you going? Just out of town for a few months.
No reason.
You should pee on one of those drugstore swizzle sticks! Hey, kiddo.
I really think she might be pregnant.
Who? What? What are you telling me for? It could be any-- wait, who are we talking about? Crystal.
Her belly's out to here! Oh, I never noticed.
When I talk to a woman, I look her in the eye.
Listen, about this L.
A.
trip.
I want to go to Disneyland.
There won't be time.
That's cruel.
I was thinking, going to L.
A.
and meeting just one studio, that's a sucker move.
So I'm going to go, too, and meet with lots of different studios.
Start a bidding war over the rights to the Grumpaloo movie.
Fine, but I'm going to Disneyland to see Yosemite Sam.
Yosemite Sam's not Disney.
He's Warner Brothers.
Then we go to Warnerbrotherland, too.
I'm going to go make some phone calls.
See you later.
Ba-boomba! Stop saying that.
Look, I-I know this seems unfair, but, really, you should be happy that you're not coming.
You know, it's going to be hot and smoggy with smog, and I'm going to be working the whole time.
Then why are you packing swim trunks? I thought these were underwear.
Underwear? With a lining, and a drawstring, and a little anchor? Yeah.
There's a lot about men's undergarments you don't know.
Did you think this was an undergarment, too? That's for in the unlikely event of a water landing.
Leave me here to work while you Can you hack that plant somewhere else? I don't need negative energy around me right now.
Because of the baby? I don't know what you're talking about.
Why are you so cranky? Stan's going to Los Angeles and leaving me here with these stupid things.
I'm sorry, you're not stupid.
Whenever someone does something to upset me, I respond with spite.
It's healthy, natural.
Makes them feel bad, makes me feel good.
Win-win.
Hey, are there any avocados in the kitchen? There's a jar of mayo that turned green.
Why? This woman wrote a book about home-made skin care products.
I can't tell if she's a genius or an idiot.
Idiot.
You can make your own shoes out of kleenex boxes.
Doesn't mean you should.
You know, this could be a big seller if there's any merit to it, but we'd have to test it out first.
Hey, maybe you guys could-- Okay, here we go.
Okay, big trip, important trip.
You seem worked up, doc.
Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, it's all good.
Just want to make sure things goes well.
Anyway, I've taken the liberty of printing out a detailed itinerary for the trip.
We land, we check in.
then back to the hotel for a quick dip in the pool-- Nuts to that.
I want to do everything Hollywood has to offer.
I want to get a neck tattoo at L.
A.
ink, I want to go to a taping of the muppet show and I want to eat a whole bag of those freeway oranges.
Okay, I know you're excited, but let's just reel it in a little bit here.
I mean, this trip can be fun, but it should also be about being safe, and mature in our general conduct.
Who brought auntie Gwendolyn? You did.
Well, listen, her books sell in 10 countries, so How many countries do your books sell in? Holy.
Holy moley, we gotta rollie.
Do you have everything? Of course I do.
I'm a seasoned traveller.
Do you have your passport? I have one of these.
You'll also need your passport.
Okay, Crystal, I got the stuff we need-- are you eating pickles and strawberry jam? I'm not-- Yeah, okay, you're not pregnant.
Listen, I got the stuff we need to whip up some of those homemade skin creams.
You don't have to wear it, just make it.
Fine, but how are we going to test it? Anna I've got something that will cheer you up.
A ticket to L.
A.
? Better.
How is this better? Hello, Hollywood, it's your old pal that you never met! Okay, let's just, uh-- you're looking gorgeous, you smoggy old bag of dreams! Let's go make some magic! We're going to have our hands full keeping Millie on the down-low down here.
Stay sharp.
If you see her do anything crazy, just whistle.
No can do.
You can't whistle? All right, hoot like an owl.
That's your job, pal.
My job is to milk these Hollywood rubes out of every penny they've got.
Fine, then I'll stay sharp.
Give me my bag, ya dirty son of a Millie! Our guy's over here.
Oh, sorry! Love this town! Who wants to go to the Tar Pits? Oh, boy.
You've got to be on your best behaviour down here, Millie.
I had to tip that other limo driver three bucks just to forget that whole frackas.
That was my bad, doc.
I'll pay for your tattoo at L.
A.
Ink.
I'm not getting-- you're not getting-- look, we got a couple hours before the meeting.
Why don't we just go check into the hotel, have a dip in the pool, maybe take a nap.
Hey, hey! Turn here, turn here! What? Why? Well, there's something I want to do.
Won't take a second.
No, I am putting my foot down here.
Come on, I'll be in and out.
Just going to grab a couple of choice curls, slide into a gnarly barrel, and hang ten.
Do you even know how to surf? There's only one way to find out! No! No way! Oh, come on! No, I am drawing a line in the sand.
Look, it's actual sand, that makes it official.
That's not official.
Stamp, stamp-- magic lamp! No erasies! Aargh! That's official.
Look, don't you have some other kind of California-y type things you want to do that aren't so dangerous? Yes, I do.
So how do you feel? Abandoned.
Betrayed.
I mean, how does the face cream feel? Oh.
Uh, cold.
Goopy.
Like pudding.
What's in this? Avocado, egg yolk, honey A little peach yogurt.
Oh, here's one to reduce puffiness.
Puffiness? Really? Look, Millie Upton is a creative genius, and the Grumpaloos are an international sensation, so it's going to come down to who dangles the biggest carrot.
Okay, then I'll see if Mr.
Saxx can fit you in today.
Mr.
Saxx's office, can I help you? I think Saxx is going to want to see me tout de suite.
I'll put you right through, Mr.
Clooney.
Refresh my memory, what is the Troubadour? Oh, doc, you big, lovable, ignorant square.
It's the legendary Troubadour nightclub! It's a cornerstone in the fabric of Rock 'n' Roll! Fabric doesn't even have cornerstones.
Now who's the square? Oh, this place has so much history, and I know all of it.
I'm a student of rockology.
You know, one night, Elvis Presley tossed out Jimi Hendrix because he was heckling Sonny & Cher.
That never happened.
Let's go catch a show.
It's 2:00 in the afternoon.
Rock 'n' Roll bands don't do matinees.
Well, you don't know that.
The Doors are what, pushing 70 by now? They probably come in, do a couple of early bird shows, and then they're home and in bed by 8:00.
Well, I'm no rocktometrist, but I can tell you that The Doors called it quits a while ago.
What do you mean? Jim Morrison? He died? Oh I hope you're wrong about that one, doc.
Hello? Oh, hello, Johnny Sunshine.
How is Hollywood, California? Oh, hi, sweetie! Uh, it-it's good.
You know, it's not great.
Overcast.
Looks like it might rain, actually.
Weather website says it's hot and sunny, but you would know, since you're actually there, and I'm actually not.
Okay, nice work with the guilt.
Now hit him with the spite.
Uh, you're not missing anything here either.
I am just going to go home and make some deep-fried chicken balls and mushroom fried rice.
Aw, man, that's my favourite meal! It is? Guess I forgot.
Couldn't you wait and make it when I get back? Sorry, but I already balled the chicken.
I am just going to eat what I can and throw the leftovers in the alley, for the raccoons and the monkeys.
Monkeys? Aw, man, well, that's a rip.
Couldn't you just-- Open up! I have terrible news about Jim Morrison! I-I got to go.
Can I call you later? You can try, but I'm going to go out shopping for a new nightie.
But I love to go with you when you H-- hello? Is Ray Manzarek in there? No one's in there.
You really yanked the carpet out with that Morrison bombshell.
I'm not sure I can recover.
Let's just go for lunch.
Is there a place around here we can get chicken balls? Oh, I know a great Chinese place.
Any chance your boss is going to see me this lunar cycle? Mr.
Saxx is a very busy man.
Well, I'm a very busy man.
So, you know what, maybe I'll just head out and you can let ol' Saxxy know that you dropped the ball, okay? Will do, sir.
Will do what? I'll let him know you had to leave.
Is that the right time? Because my watch is Huh I'll give him 10 more minutes.
Grauman's Chinese Theatre! Well, I kind of meant Chinese restaurant.
Oh, this place is the epiglottis of Hollywood.
Oh, look at all the footprints and handprints, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart Mary Pickford! Whoa.
For a small gal, Mary Pickford had feet like a sasquatch.
That's John Wayne.
Oh.
Well, still, those are some pontoons.
I bet you I could lay down in one of those.
Please don't.
You're on.
Millie You can't be lying down on the ground-- you're a respected author.
Lots of people roll around on the sidewalk in Los Angeles.
Do you ever watch TMZ? At least I'm wearing gaunch.
Oh, it's Anna.
I have to take this.
Don't do anything TMZ would buy! Hi, sweetie.
How's it going? Oh, you know, work, work, work.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
It's all work for me down here, too.
Hey, doc! Take a picture with me and who are you supposed to be again? The green spider-bat? Millie, just get away from that guy! No offense, sir.
See? See? Keeping Millie out of trouble.
Work, work, work.
Well, I am just going to be at home tonight watching a movie-- "Blade of the Zombie".
Blade of the Zombie? I've been trying to get you to rent that for a month.
And now I have.
Anyway, I've got to go do laundry.
I'm not wearing any underwear right now.
Wow.
You're getting good at this.
I don't know.
All this spiting is giving me a pain in the stomach.
Next time he calls, pretend you're online dating.
It smells like a Cobb salad in here Whoa! Is this a hold-up? Very funny.
So, what do you think? Does it work? I don't know.
It's amazing.
There's another recipe in there that's supposed to help tighten around the eyes.
You know, you might want to Might want to what? Or not.
I'm just sayin'.
Mr.
Saxx will see you now.
Oh.
I should probably just go in and freshen up.
How's my breath? I'm going to be straight with you, there is a lot of heat on this project, so it all comes down to who dangles the biggest carrot.
This makes a lot of sense.
I could see a Grumpaloo movie breaking huge worldwide.
At least.
So, are you in? I'm fired up.
You know what I'm going to do? I am going to see if I can get you a meeting with one of our executives.
I thought you were an executive.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm a junior associate, but I'm a senior junior associate, which means I have a direct pipeline right to those executives, by means of their assistants-- one second.
That's great.
I'm talking to a guy with no carrots.
Okay, we should really get going if we're going to make this meeting.
You know, I really wish that they would arrange these footprints alphabetically.
I've got all the Marx brothers except for Zeppo.
That guy looks like a Grumpaloo.
Yeah, he does kind of.
I didn't know you licensed the rights for that.
I didn't know that either.
Let's go get his picture.
Hey-hey, look who it is! Yeah, yeah, yeah, look at me, I'm a gumbaroo.
Well, it's Grumpaloo, but still, you look great.
Yeah, well, you want a picture with me or what? I gotta keep moving, I do a volume business here.
I'm not sure this guy is a real Grumpaloo.
No such thing, genius.
I mean, a legitimate, fully authorized Grumpaloo.
Take a hike, lumpy.
Whoa, hey, don't call him that.
He can't help it if he's lumpy.
No, that's okay.
I probably shouldn't have said anything.
I-I'm sure he's fully bonded with the proper mascot papers, and we should go.
Have you been drinking? And peeing? Get lost.
He makes a good point.
Here we go.
You can't be playing with kids if you're all gooned on hootch.
I said take a hike.
.
Our driver's right over here.
We could probably just-- Oh, great.
Somebody, help me! Ah, got it.
Don't got it.
I can't believe you fought a Grumpaloo.
There must have been a thousand pictures taken of that fiasco, and a hundred videos.
Oh, so what? Nothing's going to come of it.
Oh.
Uh-oh, it's Joyce.
Tell her I'm not here, and don't mention the video.
Hello.
Who's this, Joyce? Hi, Joyce! Uh, don't watch YouTube for a couple of days.
I asked you to do one thing, keep Millie out of trouble.
Is that Stan? Let me talk to him, I feel awful.
Stay strong.
Let the guilt work its magic.
This could screw up the whole movie deal, and you know what makes this even worse, Stan? No, but see? It could be worse, you just said so.
What makes it worse is that you're all out of town, so I'm the one who has to talk to the press.
What? Is it coming off? Uh sure.
Heya, Taylor! How did your other meetings go? Not important.
What matters is this meeting, so when the bigwigs get here, just let me do all the talking.
Here they are.
Welcome to our Studio.
I'm Dan Thornbridge.
This is Melvin Tate.
Let's cut to the chase.
There are a lot of studios interested in this project, so, first, let me ask you this-- are you two really studio executives? Uh, yes.
Second question-- This movie is going to be an international phenomenon, so why should you guys get the rights? Go.
We already own the rights.
We bought them from Haddison House.
You did? Well, then, um I'm good.
Stan? Oh, uh Okay, um Hi.
I'm Stan Dirko.
I work with Millie in the capacity of In a capacity, assisting her toward various Hey, do you guys know if they're going to make a sequel to Blade of the Zombie? Don't know.
Ah.
Well, that was all I had.
Okay, good.
Let's talk about this little display of yours on YouTube.
Okay.
Look, I, um I am sorry about that.
I didn't mean to pull that guy's head off.
Well, I I guess I must have, because I was pulling really hard, but it wasn't really his head.
His real head's still on.
It's just That he was being a jerk, and he was drunk.
You know, you can drink all bathtub gin and bleach Schnapps that you want for all I care, it's just, not around the kids, and not when you're wearing a Grumpaloo suit.
The kids love them, and they believe in them, and I will not stand by and let some jerk tear that down! I'm going to step up and stop it, no matter how much he smells like pee.
You see that passion? It's that kind of courage and commitment to your art that makes us want to work with you.
Plus, like you said, those pencilnecked pukes in the marketing department couldn't dream up this kind of publicity.
I didn't say that.
It's about the art! And being the number one video on YouTube.
The number one! Did you hear that, doc? Congratulations.
It was a small tussle, in which no one even got hurt.
Let's not get all hung up about what Millie did.
Why are your cheeks so red? It's a long story, involving beets, and Look, this is about Millie.
Let's focus on what she did.
No, I did not freeze up at the meeting.
I just got quiet.
It's a negotiating technique.
There's no need for excuses.
It's my job in a situation like that to step up and steer the boat.
You almost wet your pants.
Yeah, well, I didn't.
Point is, they're still making the movie, so we must not have done so badly.
Well, I'm not going back.
Hollywood's too weird for me.
I'm going to go unwind on the trampoline I set up on the balcony.
Who's in? Not me.
I've got a date.
Mm Thanks for making me chicken balls, and for not throwing them out to the raccoons.
I don't even like raccoons.
Nasty little I am so happy you're home.
I missed you And this zombie movie is less horrible than I thought it would be.
There was a lot of talk in Hollywood about a sequel.
And with that, Little Missy Grumpaloo returned from her magical visit to the land of the stars.
Missy shared stories about riding on huge waves, and sneaking into a cave full of musical giants, and about her battle with a dirty, obnoxious monster, and to prove she won the battle, Missy brought back the monster's head, which horrified the other Grumpaloos Because it smelled like pee.