How To Make It In America s02e01 Episode Script

I need a dollar dollar - a dollar, that's what I need - hey hey well, I need a dollar dollar - a dollar, that's what I need - hey hey said I need a dollar dollar a dollar, that's what I need and if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me? well, I don't know if I'm walking on solid ground and all I want is for someone to help me and I need a dollar dollar a dollar, that's what I need and if I share with you my story would you share your dollar with me? hey, s-t-a-r, that's what you are 'cause you're big in japan, you're big in japan s-t-a-r I got a phone call from across the hall people knocking on doors, I fell asleep on the floor I think I'll be fine, I feel totally '90s as I'm lying on the ground in my smoking undies keep my head down, look away from the flash Both: Crisp, motherfucker! me, I don't mind 'cause it's all for the fans and then the next thing you know I'm big in japan Hello.
What was the nature of your trip? Vacation.
- How you doin'? - Hello, sir.
Anything to declare? No, just my undying love for new york.
sorry, excuse me.
Hey, how you doin'? My dudes! Good to be back up in this kind of place.
Yo, an official welcome home to mhomies Even though it took you almost two weeks to call an old friend.
- It's all right.
- Oh come on, man, we've been on the grind.
I even got cam silk screening.
It's true.
I'm a designer now.
- All right.
- I wouldn't say designer.
- I am.
I killed it.
- Domingo: Yo yo! What's shaking, three amigans? - Good, man.
- I wod like meet my homegirl leigh.
She was complimenting me y swtshirt And I thought that she should meet the brains behind the operation.
- How you doing? - Hi, guys.
I'm david kaplan, self-made millionaire, whatever.
Nice to meet you.
Where can I get one of these hoodies? Uh, j.
F.
B.
K.
, atmos.
And if you want to see what's coming next, check out the lulu d.
Store.
She's gonna have our new hoodies in the window tomorrow.
Why don't you give me your email? I'll send you one for free.
- Oh yeah? Well, that's really sweet of you.
- Yeah.
- Guys: Aww! - Guys, please.
Well, too bad he's spoken for.
But what's up with my man david right here? Domingo: What about sweet pea over there? I'm spoken for as well.
- This hoodie's for my boyfriend, guys.
- Aw boo! Yeah! Come on.
- Yeah hey! - That's what I'm talking about! Hey, you know what? Maybe be easy on the flirting this time, all right? - She already gave us the window.
- You think I can turn it off? I can't help myself around lulu.
- Hey.
- Hey, guys.
Lulu d.
, looking radiant today.
- Thanks.
Hi.
- Hey.
So you ready for some hooded perfection? Yeah, bring it on.
- I don't think she's ready.
- I'm not really feeling the excitement.
I'm- I'm excited.
Wow.
Soft.
Love the graphic.
- Thanks.
- Wow.
So when exactly are you going to install the window display? Tonight or tomorrow morning? 'cause we can help you with that.
- Yeah.
- I'm really sorry, guys.
I know I promised, But I just got the new neanderthal stuff in And then I had to put it in my window or they said I couldn't carry their line.
Don't hate me.
- Cam: Neanderthal? - You know, tim and ivan's line, The new york neanderthals? Okay.
Here.
Wait a minute- tim the dope-fiend photographer? And bus-driver ivan who drove that m96 crosstown into the gristede's? Yep, they're super hot right now.
They are? Well, I mean, it's more about the guys than their clothes.
They have the story behind them - junkies turned fashion designers.
People buy into the bad-boy thing.
All I see are a bunch of dicks.
Don't tell me our jew-minican swagger is wearing off? Not at all.
You guys are sweet.
Whoa, ben is sweet; I'm scandalous.
- Okay, so we were saying- - yes? - How many do you need? - Um Why don't we start with two? Okay, so two dozen? No, just two for now.
Not bad, huh? eddie: You really did it, Just like you told us u would.
- All: Yeah.
- Jabar: Billboard looks incredible, boss.
Man in car: Rasta monsta! Yeah! You're officially big in the hood.
But not as big as debbie's booty.
- What was that? - Boss, I'm kidding.
I thought she was meeting you here to see it go up.
Yeah, so did I.
Are you- are you from senegal? - 'cause I was just there.
- Haiti.
Oh.
Fucking tim, man.
He was a hack photographer.
Now he's a hack designer, but somehow everybody thinks he's brilliant.
Well, people eat that downtown dirtbag's shit up.
It's a good story.
Ah, really? What's our story? - Jew- - do not say "jew-minican," please.
Ben epstein- a nice boy, mother loves him.
My moms can't be our only customer, guys.
We gotta do something to get people talking about crisp.
Selling six t-shirts a month is not gonna cut it, you know? What if we rock that pop-up shop we talked about? Yes, okay, I like that.
Sell some hoodies, get the message out there.
Yeah, we'd have to make it crazy ill, though- You know, get people talking about us.
One of you needs to get shot.
Okay, you can go with the classic- Hookers and blow.
You know what? That actually could work.
Not the blow, but what if we got some girls To do like a little fetish show like we saw in shinjuku? Oh, yeah yeah yeah.
Bring tokyo to the I.
E.
S.
I likehat.
Yeah yeah.
And then you know what'll make it crazy sick? Is if jay-z was there.
No no no no no no.
My boy rich from temple israel Is practically running roc nation right now.
- What? - I'm gonna go ahead and give him a call.
Sure, you get us jigga and you get us geishas And I'll reach out to obama, see if the homie can make it.
Listen, the best luther song Was a thousand kisses from you you're killing me right now.
As a matter of fact, you're killing luther right now with that.
What the- Just wanted to return this to you.
You couldn't pay me enough to wear it ever again.
Debbie.
Debbie, wait.
Mama, mama, where you going, baby? Where you going in such a hurry? - Away from you.
- Why you so angry? That piece-of-shit wall on stanton? - You look good up there, baby.
- Oh, do I? - Yeah.
- Can you even tell it's me? You can barely see my face.
And that is not my booty.
Look, jabar, he photoshopped it.
You know, they do that for all the billboards.
Even eva mendes gets the photoshop.
You told me that I was gonna be the face of rasta monsta.
And for some dumb reason, I decided to believe you.
Look look, I took a poll of all the pictures And we all agreed that's the best one.
Be proud.
Enjoy your pervert billboard, 'cause you're not getting near my booty ever again.
Debbie.
Debbie! So you think this girl will do our fetish show? Trust me.
and you believe me, yeah, bitch, believe me hey yo, it's me and spank rock we always poppin' it hot he gets the ladies in line, I got you ridin' my jock - I keep it dirty, not like fergie - wow.
ain't the black eyed peas, this shit ain't happy I'm a trashy boastful bitch mc my rhymes are painfully fresh my pussy's tastin' the best Absolutely not.
That's disgusting.
Ben, I thought you were fucking around about the eel.
Okay okay, forget the eels.
Look, we just want something edgy and shocking Like this - like this authentic fetish show we saw in shinjuku.
okay.
That's kind of fun.
Maybe we can do something "about fetish," But still completely post-feminist.
Yes, about fetish, If you still, you know, wear the outfits and, like, Torture each other.
Gently- gently torture.
You want me to gently torture jin-suk? Miss tomako, Bear with us here.
Would it clear your feminist conscience If we donated some of that cali kush you love so much? I know it's your fave.
Yo, did you get my email about taking the day off on Friday? No.
It must have got caught in my not-a-shot-in-hell mail folder.
- Oh well.
- Rene, come on.
I'm having a pop-up shop.
- You're having a pop-tart what? - Pop-up shop.
Me and ben are going to take over this empty storefront For a few hours to sell our new hoodies And to show people what crisp is about.
I need the day to set it up.
You need a day to settle your accounts payable With my korean grocers out in flushing.
Let your boyfriend ben handle it.
It's too much for ben to do it alone.
It's gonna be a big fashion event.
A fashion event? On orchard street? Okay, maybe I could let you take the day off If you push rasta monsta at your party.
I'm talking signs, cut-outs, bottle displays.
You're really gonna make me do that? You want the day off? Hell yeah.
And I want to show up to check it out personally.
So put me on your little guest list for me plus four, okay, papi? Cafe, mama.
Dude, this is definitely doing something weird to my boobs.
- Yeah, it's making them look large and perfect.
- Oh.
Um, you know I haven't, like, called anyone, So nobody knows that I'm- I'm back.
It's better that way- incognito.
I don't know, lulu.
You know what sucks about traveling? - No.
- Coming home.
I mean, I feel like when I was out there, I- I had my shit figured out, you know? And now that I'm back, it's just, like, "can I get a job?" you know, "should I hit this party?" "can I afford direct tv?" You know, it's like, oh, I never fuckin' left.
Well, I think your boobs got bigger.
No, it's this dress.
It's too "titular.
" Try the phillip lim.
It's super cute.
I can't believe ben has a line now.
- Your boy's talented.
- Does he- Does he know that I'm- I'm coming to the- No idea.
You didn't r.
S.
V.
P.
Plus one? It's a pop-up shop on orchard.
I'm pretty sure it's open to the public.
- Yeah, but I'm not exactly the public.
- Oh please.
Yeah, what's up, everybody? 40 deuce radio, evr.
Com.
- We got d.
J.
Scarlizzy from cali- - scarleezy! - Straight up.
- D.
J.
Scarleezy, I'm sorry.
You have that gangster look about you.
You have to keep that going.
- Yeah.
- And I'm gonna ask you, What- what record inspired you to become a d.
J.
? Well, I guess the record that really made me want to become a d.
J.
Was "straight outta compton.
" Maybe it's 'cause I'm from cali too.
How you likin' the stets of new york? - Love it, love it.
- Can you roll a blunt? - One-handed, bitch, one-handed.
- All right.
You gonna hang out with us right after the show.
This is 40 deuce radio.
You're listening to evr.
Com.
Cam: Yeah, the most beautiful hooded sweatshirts The world has ever seen, imported from japan.
- We just got back actually.
- For real? Yeah yeah.
We got some girls That we brought back with us too.
They're gonna be at the pop-up shop tomorrow night Doing this crazy fetish show like you've never seen in america.
You gotta come down and check it out.
So how does that work, fellas? I go to your store - I could buy a hooded sweatshirt in the front - And pee on a schoolgirl in the back? Ha! Yeah, no, I mean I can't exactly say on air, But whatever happens in the back stays in the back.
All right, fellas, anything else we need to know about tomorrow night? Yeah, jay-z will be in the building.
He might- uh, he might be in the building 'cause we're reaching out to him.
Why are you melting down right now? - I'm not melting down.
I'm starting a buzz.
- That's what that was? Look, if we don't sell some hoodies tomorrow, we're fucked, okay? - Literally dead broke.
- We're gonna be fine tomorrow.
But we can't be on the radio acting desperate like that.
Yo, who's acting? The account is empty and the bills are due.
Nobody in new york knows who the fuck we are.
They're gonna find out.
We've got this.
Yeah, well, we're holding on by a thread.
Don't hold on so tight.
Was that too hard? - What? - Was that too hard? - No.
- Oh.
Whoa! Okay.
Julie: I didn't realize you were such a spanker.
Do you think, like, I'm too nice to make it as a designer? Wow.
Were you just practicing being edgy on my ass? Sorry.
Don't be.
I actually kind of liked it.
I like that you're nice.
What do you want? I was in the area.
I wanted to give you these.
thanks.
Why are you so upset? 'cause I thought that you of all people Would at least choose a picture that had my smile in it.
I thought you had my back.
I'm trying to build a career too.
I do.
That was just one billboard.
Look, we're gonna have an in-store display next month.
I told myself, if he chooses a pretty photo, he's a good guy.
If he uses a booty photo, He's just like the rest of the losers I've dated.
I am a good guy, debbie.
That's why I'm here- - To apologize and make it up to you.
- How you gonna do that? Take you to a fashion event tonight, Introduce you to some up-and-coming designers.
- For real? - Mm-hmm.
Your fetish girls better be a hit.
These handcuffs were not cheap.
Yo, trust me - it's gonna give us e edge we need.
Worth every penny.
Yo, did I tell you that rene might come tonight? Tell me we're not serving rasta monsta at the bar.
It's a good chaser.
Cam, you're killing us.
Tonight was supposed to be about crisp - our new york debut.
I promise you won't even know he's there.
Oh shit, look.
Neanderthals.
See, that actually would be a good look for us to have there tonight.
- They look homeless.
- Shut up.
Hey yo, tim, what's up, man? - Ben, gingy's friend.
- Oh yeah.
Hey, man, how you doing? Yeah, man, you guys are killing it with those neanderthal tees.
- I'm feelin' 'em.
- Man, every t-shirt we ever made sucks.
We're over tees.
We're trying to get into proper haberdashery.
- Haberdashery.
- Yeah, man- custom men's tailoring.
- T-shirts are for kids.
- Hey, so we're having an event tonight.
We're launching our new hoodies.
- You guys should come check it out.
- 186 orchard street.
Japanese fetish girls and free beer.
You guys want to hit this? Hell yeah.
Thanks, man.
- I'm good.
- You're good? uh uh uh uh uh uh what y'all niggas want, huh? All right, all right, all right.
You guys are looking just perfect.
You're gonna be awesome awesome awesome awesome.
Up high, huh? On behalf of crisp, I really have to thank you For contributing your very special talents To this very special night.
- Thank you.
That's very sweet.
- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
- Who are you? - I'm david kaplan.
- Katie.
- Can I borrow you for a second? - Katie: Yeah, no problem.
- Yeah.
Have you heard from ben and cam? I keep getting voicemail.
No, I- I thought they were just avoiding me.
No no no.
Well, look, I need you to help me get it popping - Until dolce & gabbana decide to show up.
- You got it.
They invited, like, every showroom in new york city.
I know it.
My little matzo balls are stepping it up.
Man over p.
A.
: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize For the unavoidable delay.
How much longer are we gonna be stuck here? I knew we should have taken a cab.
Now we're gonna be late.
Yo, how cool is little man right there, Just chillin' with his jesus piece and his mom? Yeah, he's got some swag for a little dude.
I had more at his age.
Should I have invited my mom tonight, Or is that not crisp? Crisp crisp.
What does crisp even mean? All this time, we never even came up with a real answer.
Now we've got these fetish girls, but I don't know, man.
Are people just gonna see through that? Is anyone even gonna show up? Would it be weird if I asked little man where he got his boots? How dope are those boots? Ben, chill out, man.
Was I just yelling? Oh.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck, I think I'm too high.
Why would you smoke with the neanderthals anyway? Who knows what kind of crack they put in that shit? All right, just be nice to me right now, okay? I think I'm having a heart attack.
Are we underwater right now? Am I yelling? I gotta go.
your feelings changed like the weather went from clear to gray on that cloudy day how can I go on with that bomb in the palm? love's so hard to find when someone's on your mind listen, baby, your wish is my command baby, won't you understand You told me this was a fashion event.
It's called a pop-up shop.
It's the latest thing.
Well, these people look dirty to me.
I'm gonna kill you if I get bedbugs up in here.
of problems that have a tendency to keep keep the truth confined far from our minds you need someone you can believe in this I do declare trust me, I'll be there You see? Your heart works, your lung works - everything works.
- Nothing to be scared of.
- No, dude, seriously, I need to get off this train And into a hospital, like, now! - Now! - Yo, you know what you do with him? Dunk his head in some water for five seconds.
When he comes up for air, he's good as new.
I used to trip the fuck out in my day too- Smoking sherm and going crazy.
I got your back, dude.
I gotta get off.
Homeless man: Yo, you got a cigarette? You got a dollar? - Yo! - Ben! Ben! Ben! - Ben! - Oh shit.
oh my god, oh my god.
oh my god.
Ah! - Oh.
- Hey, ben! Excuse me.
Excuse me- emergency.
Fuckin' great.
Ben! Shit, man.
Ah! Aw shit.
bounce, you've got that nasty bounce don't make my kitty pounce aw, bounce, little kitty, bounce, little kitty How do you know these people? My boyfriend actually owns the brand.
Oh, that's so sick- you have a boyfriend.
- Yes, I do.
- Who do you date? You date cam? - Ben.
- Ben? I'll just go fuck myself.
Okay.
Hey, you're- so you're ben's girlfriend? - Yes.
- Um, I'm rachel.
We used to A while back.
Oh, you're- you're that rachel.
Maybe, depending on what he's told you.
Hi.
Is he here or- 'cause I haven't No, strangely he's not.
Oh okay, well Hey, do you want to freak him out? Um, I'm all right.
- Let's do it.
Come on, it's gonna be good.
- I don't need to- all right.
don't make my kitty pounce aw, bounce, little kitty, bounce, little kitty - Oh, he is? - He is my boy for real.
Oh my god, oh my god, you're- you're rene, right? Who's asking? I'm david kaplan- a friend of cam's.
Hey, I'm totally fuckin' hooked, man.
I'm drinking, like, four cans a day, Basically pissing red, yellow and green.
- Go for five, papo.
- Yeah! Aha! You see how beautiful? That's the face of rasta monsta.
- next billboard, I promise you'll see it.
Watch, I'll bet you my smile sells more cans than my booty.
Ooh, I wouldn't go that far.
Just kidding, baby.
Take it easy.
Excuse you.
Oh, me? Your tush - it's been taunting me all night.
Oh- yo- oh, is that- is that your lady? My bad, bro.
No- - What the fuck is wrong with you, huh? - No, I didn't- - Ow.
- Shoot him.
- Shoot him! - I got you.
- Hey.
- You think this could work? - Yeah.
Yeah yeah, go.
- Okay.
Wait, do it with me.
No, I gotta watch so you don't drown.
No.
No, come on, please do this with me.
I'm freaking out.
- Come on, man! - You're killing me, man.
- Come on! - Okay okay.
- The count of three.
- Okay.
One, two - One, two - Three.
- Shit! You're good? Ah! What? This is crisp.
This is our story right here.
- Temporary insanity? - No, loyalty.
You think the brooks brothers had each other's back like this? No! Well well well, bonjour, rachel.
Ca va? - Et bonjour, domingo.
- How you doin', girl? - I'm good.
- You look good.
How's the dog-walking business going? Good good.
You know, I got a little schnauzer up in the mix.
- Right on.
- I got some eggs in other baskets- - Green baskets.
- Like reclaimed fabric, or- No, not at all.
I sell weed on the side.
- Ah, gotcha.
- Yeah, so if you ever need anything- - All right? - Oh, all right.
"domingo dean, canines and cannabis.
" Yeah, I came up with that myself.
Guilty as charged.
- That's really good.
- Yeah.
My man, please.
You spill it, we bill it, okay? Please keep the brew away from the merch.
Thank you.
- I don't get it.
- I mean Hey, bro, what the hell are you doing? What? You heard what rene said.
He was kidding.
What's wrong with you? I don't know if he was kidding.
You're always trying to be a cowboy.
Put that shit away.
Are you seeing this or am I still high? No no no, I see it too.
Where have you been? We were all worried sick about you guys.
- Hi.
You okay? - Hey.
- Uh - Why are you- you're all wet.
Yeah, it's kind of a crazy story.
How gangsta - you didn't even show up at your own party.
The cops did.
- Uh - Hey.
- You're back.
Hey.
- Yeah.
Hi.
Aw, god, crisp is awesome, man.
Seriously it's great.
I had no idea, so - Thanks.
This is julie.
- We met.
- We met.
- You have? - That's great.
- Can I have some of that? - Hi, are you ben? - Yes.
Hi, andy sussman.
Small-world story- My father jerry is friends with your father from brooklyn college.
Oh, that's very cool.
Thank you for supporting this event.
Oh, no, of course.
Of course.
Yeah, I like what you did here with the girls and the sweatshirts.
- Ben: Oh yeah.
- It was pretty good.
You know, we have a swroom You should come see if you're ever in midtown.
I'd like to talk to you guys about being your sales rep.
- Oh.
- Let's talk next week.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Will do.
- All right.
- Nice meeting you folks.
- Yeah.
- Peace.
- Kaplan: So, boychiks, I gotta give you the good news/bad news of tonight.
The bad news was there was a bit of a shootout, But the good news Was crisp sold 55 units tonight.
- 55 is a good start.
- That's a great start! Domingo: Damn right.
Why don't you relax? You look stressed.
- Hmm? - I'm good.
I'll take that.
Thank you.
Partake.
Partake.
Crisp, baby! Bye.