How to Sell Drugs Online: Fast (2019) s02e01 Episode Script
Think Different
1
What if I were to tell you that there was
a huge online trade in illegal drugs
marketplace where people can
buy and sell goods and services.
the most advanced website
for selling hard drugs
Thousands of users
use the impossible-to-trace website
which sells drugs.
It took us only ten minutes
to order online
From his computer he achieved
every drug dealer's dream.
Purchases are made using Bitcoins.
situation they haven't thought through.
Unless they slip up somehow
He's anonymously built
an enormous drug shop.
No one can stop him.
At some point, someone wrote,
'You need a name.
Something other than "admin".'
- Who is M1000?
- He's not afraid of the consequences.
He's an online superstar,
and he can't talk to anyone about it.
He's an icon!
Obviously, he's trying to get rich.
But for him,
it's also about achieving something great.
Something that will change the world.
He's becoming the idol of a generation.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
The idol of an entire generation.
We had one million euros, age 17.
300,000 for each of us.
Yeah, and then, uh
We just got out. That's it.
End of story.
Oh no, stop.
It's all coming back to me now.
That's not how it was.
To the first million, and to getting out
of international drug trafficking!
Bitcoin is really volatile right now.
We have 141, so strictly speaking,
we only have
€994,000.
- Okay then.
- 2002? That's older than us.
How much was it?
Moritz
Why are we even here?
Well, to celebrate
our first million euros.
- And getting out of international drug
- Yeah, I know that, but why are we here?
In a fucking indoor ski centre?
Hey, you lot!
- Me and
- It was my idea.
- Yeah, but
- At home, on my own.
I love mountains.
Mountains are your thing, right?
Mountains, and steps.
Dan and I met up without you yesterday.
Sorry.
At least no one's gonna bother us.
Nobody ever comes here.
It's embarrassing.
Heard of a carbon footprint?
- We thought about it. You and your girl
- Stop.
You know the rule. Work-life balance.
I don't discuss
my relationship in meetings.
Good. Nobody wants to hear about it.
Okay, guys.
Let's move on to item two of the agenda.
What was item one?
Celebrating the million.
Could we focus on ending MyDrugs?
Right.
"Ideas of how to use my third
of the MyDrugs cash after MyDrugs ends."
Maybe you shouldn't write "MyDrugs"
in your Notes app. Twice, as well.
- Also, I still think lists are stupid.
- Because you don't have any ideas.
Don't you want to get out, Moritz?
BUSINESS IDEAS
NEW ENTRY
Of course I have ideas.
But I still don't understand
why he gets a third.
We talked about this.
Shipping!
400 orders a week, that's impossible.
Dan is your employee!
What more do you want?
Let's be honest, Moritz. We're 17.
What do you need the money for?
Dan's also a lot stronger than you,
Moritz.
Fuck off, Tobi!
We all have dirt on each other.
Let's just split it
before he causes any trouble.
And we need a blonde guy on our team,
you know? Moritz?
Diversity and stuff.
Okay. Forget the lists.
You're going to Rotterdam
to tell the Dutch we're done.
It costs €350?!
What? It's that cheap online?!
And how are you going to pay for that?
Yeah, I got myself one of these.
For my Bitcoins.
Please tell me his name isn't on it.
- Your name is Daniel "Pirmin" Riffert?
- Pirmin.
You are so fucking stupid.
You have no idea
how Bitcoin works, do you?
Pirmin?
Do you realise this links every
MyDrugs transaction back to your name?
Lenny, when did you last use a coin mixer?
Day before yesterday, I reckon.
Don't worry about it.
I'm the CTO. I'll take care of it.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
You realise this won't be over
just because we stop, right?
We can't just drive to the teachers'
car park in a Lamborghini Aventa-whatever
and say we were doing
a paper round in the holidays.
Can you please focus, Daniel!
Dan!
Hey!
- What are you doing here?
- Right back at you, man!
Is this volunteer work?
Or are these losers
programming your fitness app?
Yeah! The best part is you can
take the piss in front of them.
They're awkward and only speak HTML.
Nice one, Dan.
We're going to the après-ski bar.
You coming?
Okay! I'll just let them know.
One, one, zero, one.
Let's go!
Come on, mate!
Daniel. Fucking. Pirmin. Fucking. Riffert.
Before you get the idea that
Daniel was as important for MyDrugs
as Lenny and I
LOGISTICS
Don't.
He is to MyDrugs
what Hawkeye is to the Avengers.
It would work just as well without him,
but he showed up,
and we couldn't get rid of him.
And that's fine.
At least this way,
the CEO can focus on the important things.
Fucking idiot.
HELLO FROM ME AND THE SQUAD
You're still doing that?
I don't discuss my relationship
during meetings.
Sending a stranger from the internet
pictures of a guy with a BMI of 18
and also quite clearly an IQ of 18,
isn't exactly a relationship.
But it's okay to stalk your girlfriend's
location in the Friends app?
I do that to protect her from MyDrugs.
HI FROM THE COUCH
What protects MyDrugs from her,
who can always see where you are?
And the fact that you're shagging
on top of kilos of drugs?
Well firstly, I get an alert
whenever Lisa is near our office.
- And secondly
- You never shag?
We never hang out at my house.
And at least she isn't
some suspicious stranger from Discord,
who might be a chatbot for all we know!
I don't think
it'll last much longer anyway.
- She thinks I'm being distant.
- Really?
Who thinks that?
Hey I had to do that
so we didn't blow our cover, you know?
Yeah
Right! What were you just talking about?
Private matters between Lenny and me.
Nerd stuff.
One, zero, zero, one.
It was about a girl from Discord.
She keeps messaging me.
Well, she's been wanting to meet me
for a long time, but
Totally ghosting her.
What are you doing? It's locked.
Yeah, so?
- No! Wait a second! What are you doing?
- I'm just getting you a date!
Don't scroll up.
There's pictures of my peen!
Too late!
God. Now that MyDrugs is over, you
need something else to do. Here you are.
DINNER TOMORROW? IN REAL LIFE?
Fuck! She's typing!
FINALLY! CAN'T WAIT!
What have you done?
Lenny's meeting a girl who wants
to meet him. What's the problem?
You're the fucking problem!
Hey, like, you can just cancel.
- Uh-huh.
- Say you have diarrhoea!
Do not cancel.
You have fantastic digestion.
You think?
Figure this out yourselves, yeah?
I've got to go. Work-life balance.
Make sure we don't blow our cover.
- See you tomorrow.
- What do you mean, tomorrow?
- You're going to Rotterdam
- I'll take care it.
€437.40.
So can I still pay with this?
I mean,
one sled ride down the slope
and your carbon footprint is the same
as it is for a flight to Bali.
It's absurd.
Typical symptom of
an underdeveloped region.
Imagine you were a ski centre investor.
- Where would you build it?
- In a place with nothing?
Right. Not even a fucking hill.
- Fucking Rinseln.
- Fucking Rinseln.
To be clear,
in case anyone thought
that me and Gerda got together,
we had one date.
We were looking for
something else.
It's not easy balancing
your private and professional life.
To make it work, you must be
strict about separating them.
Until 6 p.m. all my time is allocated
to MyDrugs. Well, and a bit of school.
And after 6 p.m.
my time is allocated to Lisa.
One can't have anything
to do with the other.
There can't be any crossover.
Never.
I read an article yesterday
that really made me think of you.
Mm-hm.
Here. About
MyDrugs.
This is the shop that Gerda ordered her
drugs from. Like Amazon, but for drugs.
- You've heard about this, right?
- Hm.
He's some young start-up nerd.
It's a weird story.
He even talks a little bit like you.
Wait, here it is.
Growth rate vanity metrics
customer development
I mean, he's probably a fucking genius.
But he could have invented
something useful.
Now he can't really
look anyone in the eye anymore.
Mm
Yeah, but the website's usability
is really impressive.
What?! "The website's
usability is really impressive!"
Well the idea's not all that bad.
You can get drugs without the internet,
but on the internet, at least
you don't get stabbed by a junkie.
No! Don't die!
HEY, AFTER ROTTERDAM
WE'LL DO SOMETHING REALLY COOL
FINALLY GET MYTEMS GOING AGAIN
Not now!
Are you okay?
About tomorrow.
I might not be able to make it on time.
By six, I mean. Because of MyTems.
No big deal.
I'll just come to your place,
and wait for you.
We haven't been to yours in ages.
And I really don't have any problem
with the size of your
room!
Not my place. Um
Tomorrow's not good.
My dad's new girlfriend
is coming over at six.
Come, so I won't have to
listen to them fucking on my own.
I need you!
Mm-hm!
If your work-life balance
tips in one direction,
you have to ask yourself two questions.
First, are both things
still equally important to you?
I NEED YOU
SEE YOU IN ROTTERDAM
And second, how far are you
willing to go to balance them out again?
I FOUND THE PERFECT PLACE!
LET'S MEET AT 8.
when I can
no longer fulfil my duties as CEO.
Unfortunately, this day has now come.
So it is
So it is with a heavy heart
that I inform you that I will not be
continuing with MyDrugs.
I've always said
Should the day ever come
I'm so screwed with this
Kira thing. I've no idea what to do.
Either I cancel and lose her forever,
or I tell her the truth,
and lose her forever.
YEP. A CLASSIC LOSE-LOSE SITUATION.
YEP. A CLASSIC LOSE-LOSE SITUATION.
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?
TELL DAN THE TRUTH, OR WHAT?!
M1000? Um
M1000?
That's a good alias.
Thanks.
You really are a
Uh
What is it you say in German? Ein Genie?
- Can you say that?
- Yes, definitely.
In German.
I think that's
the word you were looking for.
Mia.
M1000.
Everyone here
knows your name is Moritz.
You're kind of a celebrity.
3, 7, 8
In case you're here
more often in the future.
Is this the Wi-Fi password?
Moritz!
57, 58
Hey, get the door!
It'll be one of your little friends.
60, 61
- Hello? Who is it?
- Hey.
- Yeah, it's Lenny. I'm here to see, uh
- See? I was right!
Hi.
Come on, spit it out.
It can't be that bad.
I
You fancy me, huh?
Yeah, I knew it.
What? What You knew it?
You're constantly taking sneaky photos
of me, you've never had a girlfriend
And, well, your taste in films.
Huh? What's wrong with
my taste in films, man?
For the last time,
Call Me By Your Name is an amazing film!
It doesn't even matter if you're
Oh, fuck it.
Actually, I did want to talk
about the photos.
The girl you set me up with
I sent her a picture of you.
And because I wanted to
keep talking to her
I sent her a few more pictures.
Like, six
ty.
And now she thinks I'm you.
That's That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
- It's catfishing. People do it online.
- There's a word for it?
- And a subreddit.
- Hey. If you want my advice
Just go there and tell her the truth.
It's you she's chatting with.
It's you she likes,
for who you are, not your looks.
It happens to me all the time.
Come on Dan,
this isn't a fucking fairy tale.
Think about it. Who would want to date me?
A guy in a wheelchair
with a fat arse and a fatal tumour.
I get that you don't understand. But
For me
It's enough just to chat.
I thought,
if you could just go there as me
Okay, I'll help you.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I think it's a stupid idea, but
- Fuck it!
- Thanks, man!
I can't wait to finally see her.
- What?
- You're coming with me?
- Course! I'll get a table nearby.
- Creepy.
- So creepy!
- Got a pen?
Without some nerd knowledge,
you'll never survive the date.
Right, best game of the year.
Write it down!
Best game of the year: God of War.
Why? It's just perfect.
Biggest disappointment: Fallout 76.
Why? It's complete, utter shit.
The thing is full of bugs.
What were they thinking?
And it looks ten years old.
Could we stop by the hairdresser's first?
She really prefers your hair a bit
shorter. And if I were you, I'd shower.
Come on, we don't have long.
Death Stranding: masterpiece.
Left Alive: atrocious.
The Outer Worlds: unbelievable.
Anthem: I can't believe how bad it was.
We're very excited about
how our collaboration has developed.
And the potential is incredible!
Cheers.
Cheers.
Ah, but you You said that there's
something you wanted to discuss with us?
I, uh
It is a with a heavy heart
that I must inform you
we will not be continuing with MyDrugs.
- I have always said
- Excuse me?
the day ever came
I have a question.
What would you say, if
If, let's say, at some point,
we didn't feel
like continuing, with
with MyDrugs.
Would that be
Be a big problem?
In Holland, we have a saying, you know?
So that translates as, as
- You can't force the horse to
- Yeah.
You can pull the horse to the water
Yeah, but you can't force it to drown.
Not drown. Drink! It's drink.
Force it to drink.
You can't force it to drink.
Force it to swallow.
You can't force the horse to swallow.
Okay, whatever.
You can get out any time you'd like.
- Yeah.
- Any time.
But we would take over
the running of MyDrugs.
- You wouldn't mind, would you?
- Is that why you're here today?
I
MYXXX-RESIGNATION
I'm here, um
IDEAS FOR MYXXX
OPTIMISE LANDING PAGE
CONTENT MARKETING
I'm here today
to discuss our future together.
I have a few ideas
about our customer development to share.
I analysed the user data
and it turns out we have
a lot of growth potential
among 16-to 20-year-olds.
Look at our vanity metrics: it's clear
our engagement rate could be improved.
Maybe a loyalty programme,
subscriptions
Friend referrals, a seal of quality,
and gender demographics.
We need some outreach work.
"Girls Day", Instagram,
Facebook, Twitter
With our growth rate and my new ideas,
within two years,
we could become the largest supplier
of ecstasy in the world.
ONE NEW MESSAGE
YOU WON'T BELIEVE
WHAT I FOUND ON DAD'S PHONE.
I have to get going.
I have another meeting.
I can drive you, if you want.
Yeah! Thanks.
Hey. I'm not wearing
your chemistry T-shirt.
- That's physics.
- Whatever!
What do you have against my dating shirt?
I dunno. It just makes
You're blurry.
What the fuck?
Man, just go inside!
If she sees us, we're screwed.
Yeah.
Lenny!
Hey, Kira!
So I didn't fall for a chatbot after all!
Crazy!
This is the first time in internet history
that somebody looks better
in real life than in their photos.
Mm!
- What have you been doing today?
- Gaming, of course.
Not on Discord.
Ah, it doesn't always
have to be on there Right?
So what did you play?
Um
Definitely not God of War, right?
Why not?
It's totally buggy.
Do you think we could order here, or?
Excuse me!
Am I making you nervous?
Why?
You looked as though I'd started dissing
your beloved vi again.
Hm?
My vi
No, no way! I mean, you can't!
Come on
You can't just do that to my vi!
Is everything okay?
I'll get us something to drink.
Hey, Lenny! What is this?
Come back here.
You have to ask me what I want first.
- Cherry-banana juice.
- Coming right up!
That's the effect I have on women.
Should we abort this?
Here comes my baby ♪
Where do you belong ♪
My sugar baby ♪
Lenny!
Are you going to come over
so we can start the real date?
Oh baby ♪
Are you coming?
If you keep going, you'll have
one of these in your garage soon.
Yeah. An A-level student with a Tesla.
That's why we have the lemonade business!
So no one is surprised
that I have a car like this one.
You guys need one too.
A fake business.
You should come up with an idea
before our next meeting.
And if we don't like it,
then we'll have to kill you.
And if you can't think of anything,
well, we have a few backup ideas,
if you want them.
Yeah. We'll figure something out.
MORITZ! HOW WAS ROTTERDAM?
Could we drive a little bit faster?
I'm kind of in a hurry.
If I go any faster,
the battery won't last for the drive back.
ARE WE OFFICIALLY OUT?
HEY. YOU COMING? IT'S ALMOST 6
DAD'S GIRLFRIEND IS HERE
I'M RUNNING LATE
- What are you doing?
- I've only got 5%.
No! That's using up far too much energy.
Take it out. Hup!
Hup!
And that is 2% less.
Thanks a lot.
- But I never told you my surname.
- Yeah, but where you live.
So I just put in "Lennard" and "Rinseln",
and crossed my fingers that you
weren't a fifty-year-old funeral director.
Well, he's actually quite cute.
This woman's even smarter than you.
There's absolutely nothing
I could have done.
Even with vi and yada yada.
The editors thing? On our first date?
Yeah! Until you finally get it!
Vi has two modes:
"non-stop beep" and "break everything".
Is that so? EMacs is much better - until
your hands fall off from the shortcuts.
You're lucky you're cute. I don't normally
even talk to vi users, actually.
Okay freaks, I'll leave you to it.
I'll pick you up in two hours.
I saw a McFit.
Make it three.
Okay, then. I'll go to Vapiano, too.
Do I get a kiss goodbye?
That was actually pretty hard to do.
Have fun!
Ah, nice, man. Posh area.
- Doesn't your girlfriend live near here?
- Uh mm-mm.
Uh-oh!
Here. You wanted to expand, right?
Compliments from the chef.
Yeah. I never travel empty.
Can I help you?
Um
I'm Moritz, Lisa's boyfriend.
I can vouch for him.
Come in, Mo.
"Oh, you hot stud
I had a dream about you!"
"I could barely stop
myself from touching myself all day."
"What were you dreaming of?"
"What do you think I was dreaming of, hm?"
"Tell me, then."
"Well, first,
we went shopping
And on the escalator,
you touched me between my legs.
Then I was standing
in the muesli aisle"
- Boring. Go to page four.
- Where did you get this?
His phone was on the kitchen table.
And, so, page four
- Okay. "We need eggs and"
- Oh Mo, after that.
The bit he wrote.
Moritz?
Forget it. I am not reading that!
Do it!
Okay, so "I'd lick you senseless."
"Oh, yeah, lick me, Superman.
I want to come so bad."
It's worse than Jeff Bezos's sexts
with that Fox host.
Oh, man. This is shit.
You wait your whole life to grow up,
trying to make sense
of the chaos in your head,
only to find out that
you're just going to go even more crazy.
Do you sometimes wish
that none of it had happened?
- Hm?
- The divorce and all that.
What can I do? Run away?
I can't believe how well you handle it.
How strong you are,
to be able to handle it all.
All this shit at home,
and at school, and all that
I think about it sometimes.
How it's all too much for me,
and I I don't know.
I'd understand if you wanted to get away.
But not too far.
WE'RE OUT NOW, RIGHT?
WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED?
EVERYTHING OKAY?
WHY DON'T WE
TOMORROW 11 A.M. STAIRWELL
Morning.
They'll kill us if we stop now.
They said that?
Word for word.
I have to work for them
for the rest of my life?
And I won't get any money,
because it's too hard
to convert Bitcoins into cash!
- Fuck my life!
- What should we do now?
Well they said until
we hit the five million mark.
Now you tell us!
Well, five each. 15 in total.
Guys, I did the maths. If we
If we expand
and implement some of my new ideas
we can get there easily
by the time we graduate.
The Dutch, they had one more condition.
They want us
to come up with a fake business.
To launder the money.
That way we can spend some, right?
I really didn't want this either.
Hey.
Hey, Mo! Mo.
- Yeah?
- We're a team, okay?
We're a team, okay?
Yeah, we're all in this together.
You won't have to do this alone.
Next time, we'll all go and see them.
- No, I can go, I'll be alright.
- No, Dan's right.
I guess we'll have to
make a few more million, hm?
To MyDrugs.
Yeah. Let's do this.
Just between us: always telling the truth is for cowards.
Lying takes courage.
Lies are simply
an investment in your future.
And like any good investment,
nothing can go wrong,
as long as you stay on top of things.
Come on, Dad! We're gonna be late!
Marie is going horse-riding.
That's nice.
Yeah. You know, at that farm
with the mum of the crazy guy
that shot himself the other day.
She's really nice!
But do you know what's even better though?
Lisa is moving in with us.
You said I shouldn't go too far away.
I'll just go tidy my room.
Oh
What if I were to tell you that there was
a huge online trade in illegal drugs
marketplace where people can
buy and sell goods and services.
the most advanced website
for selling hard drugs
Thousands of users
use the impossible-to-trace website
which sells drugs.
It took us only ten minutes
to order online
From his computer he achieved
every drug dealer's dream.
Purchases are made using Bitcoins.
situation they haven't thought through.
Unless they slip up somehow
He's anonymously built
an enormous drug shop.
No one can stop him.
At some point, someone wrote,
'You need a name.
Something other than "admin".'
- Who is M1000?
- He's not afraid of the consequences.
He's an online superstar,
and he can't talk to anyone about it.
He's an icon!
Obviously, he's trying to get rich.
But for him,
it's also about achieving something great.
Something that will change the world.
He's becoming the idol of a generation.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
The idol of an entire generation.
We had one million euros, age 17.
300,000 for each of us.
Yeah, and then, uh
We just got out. That's it.
End of story.
Oh no, stop.
It's all coming back to me now.
That's not how it was.
To the first million, and to getting out
of international drug trafficking!
Bitcoin is really volatile right now.
We have 141, so strictly speaking,
we only have
€994,000.
- Okay then.
- 2002? That's older than us.
How much was it?
Moritz
Why are we even here?
Well, to celebrate
our first million euros.
- And getting out of international drug
- Yeah, I know that, but why are we here?
In a fucking indoor ski centre?
Hey, you lot!
- Me and
- It was my idea.
- Yeah, but
- At home, on my own.
I love mountains.
Mountains are your thing, right?
Mountains, and steps.
Dan and I met up without you yesterday.
Sorry.
At least no one's gonna bother us.
Nobody ever comes here.
It's embarrassing.
Heard of a carbon footprint?
- We thought about it. You and your girl
- Stop.
You know the rule. Work-life balance.
I don't discuss
my relationship in meetings.
Good. Nobody wants to hear about it.
Okay, guys.
Let's move on to item two of the agenda.
What was item one?
Celebrating the million.
Could we focus on ending MyDrugs?
Right.
"Ideas of how to use my third
of the MyDrugs cash after MyDrugs ends."
Maybe you shouldn't write "MyDrugs"
in your Notes app. Twice, as well.
- Also, I still think lists are stupid.
- Because you don't have any ideas.
Don't you want to get out, Moritz?
BUSINESS IDEAS
NEW ENTRY
Of course I have ideas.
But I still don't understand
why he gets a third.
We talked about this.
Shipping!
400 orders a week, that's impossible.
Dan is your employee!
What more do you want?
Let's be honest, Moritz. We're 17.
What do you need the money for?
Dan's also a lot stronger than you,
Moritz.
Fuck off, Tobi!
We all have dirt on each other.
Let's just split it
before he causes any trouble.
And we need a blonde guy on our team,
you know? Moritz?
Diversity and stuff.
Okay. Forget the lists.
You're going to Rotterdam
to tell the Dutch we're done.
It costs €350?!
What? It's that cheap online?!
And how are you going to pay for that?
Yeah, I got myself one of these.
For my Bitcoins.
Please tell me his name isn't on it.
- Your name is Daniel "Pirmin" Riffert?
- Pirmin.
You are so fucking stupid.
You have no idea
how Bitcoin works, do you?
Pirmin?
Do you realise this links every
MyDrugs transaction back to your name?
Lenny, when did you last use a coin mixer?
Day before yesterday, I reckon.
Don't worry about it.
I'm the CTO. I'll take care of it.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
You realise this won't be over
just because we stop, right?
We can't just drive to the teachers'
car park in a Lamborghini Aventa-whatever
and say we were doing
a paper round in the holidays.
Can you please focus, Daniel!
Dan!
Hey!
- What are you doing here?
- Right back at you, man!
Is this volunteer work?
Or are these losers
programming your fitness app?
Yeah! The best part is you can
take the piss in front of them.
They're awkward and only speak HTML.
Nice one, Dan.
We're going to the après-ski bar.
You coming?
Okay! I'll just let them know.
One, one, zero, one.
Let's go!
Come on, mate!
Daniel. Fucking. Pirmin. Fucking. Riffert.
Before you get the idea that
Daniel was as important for MyDrugs
as Lenny and I
LOGISTICS
Don't.
He is to MyDrugs
what Hawkeye is to the Avengers.
It would work just as well without him,
but he showed up,
and we couldn't get rid of him.
And that's fine.
At least this way,
the CEO can focus on the important things.
Fucking idiot.
HELLO FROM ME AND THE SQUAD
You're still doing that?
I don't discuss my relationship
during meetings.
Sending a stranger from the internet
pictures of a guy with a BMI of 18
and also quite clearly an IQ of 18,
isn't exactly a relationship.
But it's okay to stalk your girlfriend's
location in the Friends app?
I do that to protect her from MyDrugs.
HI FROM THE COUCH
What protects MyDrugs from her,
who can always see where you are?
And the fact that you're shagging
on top of kilos of drugs?
Well firstly, I get an alert
whenever Lisa is near our office.
- And secondly
- You never shag?
We never hang out at my house.
And at least she isn't
some suspicious stranger from Discord,
who might be a chatbot for all we know!
I don't think
it'll last much longer anyway.
- She thinks I'm being distant.
- Really?
Who thinks that?
Hey I had to do that
so we didn't blow our cover, you know?
Yeah
Right! What were you just talking about?
Private matters between Lenny and me.
Nerd stuff.
One, zero, zero, one.
It was about a girl from Discord.
She keeps messaging me.
Well, she's been wanting to meet me
for a long time, but
Totally ghosting her.
What are you doing? It's locked.
Yeah, so?
- No! Wait a second! What are you doing?
- I'm just getting you a date!
Don't scroll up.
There's pictures of my peen!
Too late!
God. Now that MyDrugs is over, you
need something else to do. Here you are.
DINNER TOMORROW? IN REAL LIFE?
Fuck! She's typing!
FINALLY! CAN'T WAIT!
What have you done?
Lenny's meeting a girl who wants
to meet him. What's the problem?
You're the fucking problem!
Hey, like, you can just cancel.
- Uh-huh.
- Say you have diarrhoea!
Do not cancel.
You have fantastic digestion.
You think?
Figure this out yourselves, yeah?
I've got to go. Work-life balance.
Make sure we don't blow our cover.
- See you tomorrow.
- What do you mean, tomorrow?
- You're going to Rotterdam
- I'll take care it.
€437.40.
So can I still pay with this?
I mean,
one sled ride down the slope
and your carbon footprint is the same
as it is for a flight to Bali.
It's absurd.
Typical symptom of
an underdeveloped region.
Imagine you were a ski centre investor.
- Where would you build it?
- In a place with nothing?
Right. Not even a fucking hill.
- Fucking Rinseln.
- Fucking Rinseln.
To be clear,
in case anyone thought
that me and Gerda got together,
we had one date.
We were looking for
something else.
It's not easy balancing
your private and professional life.
To make it work, you must be
strict about separating them.
Until 6 p.m. all my time is allocated
to MyDrugs. Well, and a bit of school.
And after 6 p.m.
my time is allocated to Lisa.
One can't have anything
to do with the other.
There can't be any crossover.
Never.
I read an article yesterday
that really made me think of you.
Mm-hm.
Here. About
MyDrugs.
This is the shop that Gerda ordered her
drugs from. Like Amazon, but for drugs.
- You've heard about this, right?
- Hm.
He's some young start-up nerd.
It's a weird story.
He even talks a little bit like you.
Wait, here it is.
Growth rate vanity metrics
customer development
I mean, he's probably a fucking genius.
But he could have invented
something useful.
Now he can't really
look anyone in the eye anymore.
Mm
Yeah, but the website's usability
is really impressive.
What?! "The website's
usability is really impressive!"
Well the idea's not all that bad.
You can get drugs without the internet,
but on the internet, at least
you don't get stabbed by a junkie.
No! Don't die!
HEY, AFTER ROTTERDAM
WE'LL DO SOMETHING REALLY COOL
FINALLY GET MYTEMS GOING AGAIN
Not now!
Are you okay?
About tomorrow.
I might not be able to make it on time.
By six, I mean. Because of MyTems.
No big deal.
I'll just come to your place,
and wait for you.
We haven't been to yours in ages.
And I really don't have any problem
with the size of your
room!
Not my place. Um
Tomorrow's not good.
My dad's new girlfriend
is coming over at six.
Come, so I won't have to
listen to them fucking on my own.
I need you!
Mm-hm!
If your work-life balance
tips in one direction,
you have to ask yourself two questions.
First, are both things
still equally important to you?
I NEED YOU
SEE YOU IN ROTTERDAM
And second, how far are you
willing to go to balance them out again?
I FOUND THE PERFECT PLACE!
LET'S MEET AT 8.
when I can
no longer fulfil my duties as CEO.
Unfortunately, this day has now come.
So it is
So it is with a heavy heart
that I inform you that I will not be
continuing with MyDrugs.
I've always said
Should the day ever come
I'm so screwed with this
Kira thing. I've no idea what to do.
Either I cancel and lose her forever,
or I tell her the truth,
and lose her forever.
YEP. A CLASSIC LOSE-LOSE SITUATION.
YEP. A CLASSIC LOSE-LOSE SITUATION.
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?
TELL DAN THE TRUTH, OR WHAT?!
M1000? Um
M1000?
That's a good alias.
Thanks.
You really are a
Uh
What is it you say in German? Ein Genie?
- Can you say that?
- Yes, definitely.
In German.
I think that's
the word you were looking for.
Mia.
M1000.
Everyone here
knows your name is Moritz.
You're kind of a celebrity.
3, 7, 8
In case you're here
more often in the future.
Is this the Wi-Fi password?
Moritz!
57, 58
Hey, get the door!
It'll be one of your little friends.
60, 61
- Hello? Who is it?
- Hey.
- Yeah, it's Lenny. I'm here to see, uh
- See? I was right!
Hi.
Come on, spit it out.
It can't be that bad.
I
You fancy me, huh?
Yeah, I knew it.
What? What You knew it?
You're constantly taking sneaky photos
of me, you've never had a girlfriend
And, well, your taste in films.
Huh? What's wrong with
my taste in films, man?
For the last time,
Call Me By Your Name is an amazing film!
It doesn't even matter if you're
Oh, fuck it.
Actually, I did want to talk
about the photos.
The girl you set me up with
I sent her a picture of you.
And because I wanted to
keep talking to her
I sent her a few more pictures.
Like, six
ty.
And now she thinks I'm you.
That's That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
- It's catfishing. People do it online.
- There's a word for it?
- And a subreddit.
- Hey. If you want my advice
Just go there and tell her the truth.
It's you she's chatting with.
It's you she likes,
for who you are, not your looks.
It happens to me all the time.
Come on Dan,
this isn't a fucking fairy tale.
Think about it. Who would want to date me?
A guy in a wheelchair
with a fat arse and a fatal tumour.
I get that you don't understand. But
For me
It's enough just to chat.
I thought,
if you could just go there as me
Okay, I'll help you.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I think it's a stupid idea, but
- Fuck it!
- Thanks, man!
I can't wait to finally see her.
- What?
- You're coming with me?
- Course! I'll get a table nearby.
- Creepy.
- So creepy!
- Got a pen?
Without some nerd knowledge,
you'll never survive the date.
Right, best game of the year.
Write it down!
Best game of the year: God of War.
Why? It's just perfect.
Biggest disappointment: Fallout 76.
Why? It's complete, utter shit.
The thing is full of bugs.
What were they thinking?
And it looks ten years old.
Could we stop by the hairdresser's first?
She really prefers your hair a bit
shorter. And if I were you, I'd shower.
Come on, we don't have long.
Death Stranding: masterpiece.
Left Alive: atrocious.
The Outer Worlds: unbelievable.
Anthem: I can't believe how bad it was.
We're very excited about
how our collaboration has developed.
And the potential is incredible!
Cheers.
Cheers.
Ah, but you You said that there's
something you wanted to discuss with us?
I, uh
It is a with a heavy heart
that I must inform you
we will not be continuing with MyDrugs.
- I have always said
- Excuse me?
the day ever came
I have a question.
What would you say, if
If, let's say, at some point,
we didn't feel
like continuing, with
with MyDrugs.
Would that be
Be a big problem?
In Holland, we have a saying, you know?
So that translates as, as
- You can't force the horse to
- Yeah.
You can pull the horse to the water
Yeah, but you can't force it to drown.
Not drown. Drink! It's drink.
Force it to drink.
You can't force it to drink.
Force it to swallow.
You can't force the horse to swallow.
Okay, whatever.
You can get out any time you'd like.
- Yeah.
- Any time.
But we would take over
the running of MyDrugs.
- You wouldn't mind, would you?
- Is that why you're here today?
I
MYXXX-RESIGNATION
I'm here, um
IDEAS FOR MYXXX
OPTIMISE LANDING PAGE
CONTENT MARKETING
I'm here today
to discuss our future together.
I have a few ideas
about our customer development to share.
I analysed the user data
and it turns out we have
a lot of growth potential
among 16-to 20-year-olds.
Look at our vanity metrics: it's clear
our engagement rate could be improved.
Maybe a loyalty programme,
subscriptions
Friend referrals, a seal of quality,
and gender demographics.
We need some outreach work.
"Girls Day", Instagram,
Facebook, Twitter
With our growth rate and my new ideas,
within two years,
we could become the largest supplier
of ecstasy in the world.
ONE NEW MESSAGE
YOU WON'T BELIEVE
WHAT I FOUND ON DAD'S PHONE.
I have to get going.
I have another meeting.
I can drive you, if you want.
Yeah! Thanks.
Hey. I'm not wearing
your chemistry T-shirt.
- That's physics.
- Whatever!
What do you have against my dating shirt?
I dunno. It just makes
You're blurry.
What the fuck?
Man, just go inside!
If she sees us, we're screwed.
Yeah.
Lenny!
Hey, Kira!
So I didn't fall for a chatbot after all!
Crazy!
This is the first time in internet history
that somebody looks better
in real life than in their photos.
Mm!
- What have you been doing today?
- Gaming, of course.
Not on Discord.
Ah, it doesn't always
have to be on there Right?
So what did you play?
Um
Definitely not God of War, right?
Why not?
It's totally buggy.
Do you think we could order here, or?
Excuse me!
Am I making you nervous?
Why?
You looked as though I'd started dissing
your beloved vi again.
Hm?
My vi
No, no way! I mean, you can't!
Come on
You can't just do that to my vi!
Is everything okay?
I'll get us something to drink.
Hey, Lenny! What is this?
Come back here.
You have to ask me what I want first.
- Cherry-banana juice.
- Coming right up!
That's the effect I have on women.
Should we abort this?
Here comes my baby ♪
Where do you belong ♪
My sugar baby ♪
Lenny!
Are you going to come over
so we can start the real date?
Oh baby ♪
Are you coming?
If you keep going, you'll have
one of these in your garage soon.
Yeah. An A-level student with a Tesla.
That's why we have the lemonade business!
So no one is surprised
that I have a car like this one.
You guys need one too.
A fake business.
You should come up with an idea
before our next meeting.
And if we don't like it,
then we'll have to kill you.
And if you can't think of anything,
well, we have a few backup ideas,
if you want them.
Yeah. We'll figure something out.
MORITZ! HOW WAS ROTTERDAM?
Could we drive a little bit faster?
I'm kind of in a hurry.
If I go any faster,
the battery won't last for the drive back.
ARE WE OFFICIALLY OUT?
HEY. YOU COMING? IT'S ALMOST 6
DAD'S GIRLFRIEND IS HERE
I'M RUNNING LATE
- What are you doing?
- I've only got 5%.
No! That's using up far too much energy.
Take it out. Hup!
Hup!
And that is 2% less.
Thanks a lot.
- But I never told you my surname.
- Yeah, but where you live.
So I just put in "Lennard" and "Rinseln",
and crossed my fingers that you
weren't a fifty-year-old funeral director.
Well, he's actually quite cute.
This woman's even smarter than you.
There's absolutely nothing
I could have done.
Even with vi and yada yada.
The editors thing? On our first date?
Yeah! Until you finally get it!
Vi has two modes:
"non-stop beep" and "break everything".
Is that so? EMacs is much better - until
your hands fall off from the shortcuts.
You're lucky you're cute. I don't normally
even talk to vi users, actually.
Okay freaks, I'll leave you to it.
I'll pick you up in two hours.
I saw a McFit.
Make it three.
Okay, then. I'll go to Vapiano, too.
Do I get a kiss goodbye?
That was actually pretty hard to do.
Have fun!
Ah, nice, man. Posh area.
- Doesn't your girlfriend live near here?
- Uh mm-mm.
Uh-oh!
Here. You wanted to expand, right?
Compliments from the chef.
Yeah. I never travel empty.
Can I help you?
Um
I'm Moritz, Lisa's boyfriend.
I can vouch for him.
Come in, Mo.
"Oh, you hot stud
I had a dream about you!"
"I could barely stop
myself from touching myself all day."
"What were you dreaming of?"
"What do you think I was dreaming of, hm?"
"Tell me, then."
"Well, first,
we went shopping
And on the escalator,
you touched me between my legs.
Then I was standing
in the muesli aisle"
- Boring. Go to page four.
- Where did you get this?
His phone was on the kitchen table.
And, so, page four
- Okay. "We need eggs and"
- Oh Mo, after that.
The bit he wrote.
Moritz?
Forget it. I am not reading that!
Do it!
Okay, so "I'd lick you senseless."
"Oh, yeah, lick me, Superman.
I want to come so bad."
It's worse than Jeff Bezos's sexts
with that Fox host.
Oh, man. This is shit.
You wait your whole life to grow up,
trying to make sense
of the chaos in your head,
only to find out that
you're just going to go even more crazy.
Do you sometimes wish
that none of it had happened?
- Hm?
- The divorce and all that.
What can I do? Run away?
I can't believe how well you handle it.
How strong you are,
to be able to handle it all.
All this shit at home,
and at school, and all that
I think about it sometimes.
How it's all too much for me,
and I I don't know.
I'd understand if you wanted to get away.
But not too far.
WE'RE OUT NOW, RIGHT?
WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED?
EVERYTHING OKAY?
WHY DON'T WE
TOMORROW 11 A.M. STAIRWELL
Morning.
They'll kill us if we stop now.
They said that?
Word for word.
I have to work for them
for the rest of my life?
And I won't get any money,
because it's too hard
to convert Bitcoins into cash!
- Fuck my life!
- What should we do now?
Well they said until
we hit the five million mark.
Now you tell us!
Well, five each. 15 in total.
Guys, I did the maths. If we
If we expand
and implement some of my new ideas
we can get there easily
by the time we graduate.
The Dutch, they had one more condition.
They want us
to come up with a fake business.
To launder the money.
That way we can spend some, right?
I really didn't want this either.
Hey.
Hey, Mo! Mo.
- Yeah?
- We're a team, okay?
We're a team, okay?
Yeah, we're all in this together.
You won't have to do this alone.
Next time, we'll all go and see them.
- No, I can go, I'll be alright.
- No, Dan's right.
I guess we'll have to
make a few more million, hm?
To MyDrugs.
Yeah. Let's do this.
Just between us: always telling the truth is for cowards.
Lying takes courage.
Lies are simply
an investment in your future.
And like any good investment,
nothing can go wrong,
as long as you stay on top of things.
Come on, Dad! We're gonna be late!
Marie is going horse-riding.
That's nice.
Yeah. You know, at that farm
with the mum of the crazy guy
that shot himself the other day.
She's really nice!
But do you know what's even better though?
Lisa is moving in with us.
You said I shouldn't go too far away.
I'll just go tidy my room.
Oh