Human Resources (2022) s02e01 Episode Script

1
I swear ♪
By the moon and the stars in the sky ♪
- And I swear ♪
- I swear ♪
Like the shadow that's by your side ♪
- I'll be there ♪
- I'll be there ♪
For better or worse ♪
I'll love you with ♪
So, what do you think?
Maury, I think it's a perfect way
to catch people up from last season,
and the perfect montage
to show at Montel's Jizz Mitzvah.
Well, I am quite taken
with my own handiwork.
Oh! Speaking of handiwork [gasps]
we should offer handies
at the Jizz Mitzvah.
"Hire handyman to give hand jobs."
I can't believe our sweet Montel
is officially joining
the Hormone Monster community.
It feels like just yesterday
they shot out of my asshole
and into our lives.
Ugh, so true.
Oh, not to be dramatic, but if everything
in this ceremony doesn't go perfectly,
I'll light my apartment on fire
while we're all inside.
Maury, will you try to relax?
"Relax"?
I still have to lock down
the dick-pic photo booth.
I haven't even confirmed the ice sculpture
depicting Montel's conception.
Okay, but let's not forget
the true meaning of this Jizz Mitzvah.
Montel jacking off on stage
behind a sheer curtain
while we all wait for ejaculation.
Ooh! Which of these gimp suits
should I wear on the big day?
Should I showcase my arms or my balls?
Oh God, not more of this garbage.
But it's all for you, my sweet baby!
For me? Oh, please!
I'm just there to put on
a little jack-off show
for your friends
and a couple elected officials.
Montel, have you been using the sheet
I put up for stroke practice?
I don't need to practice.
I already know how to whack off. Gawd-ah!
But you've never done it
in front of everyone who loves you.
You might get stage fright.
Yeah, like your father
at his Jizz Mitzvah.
- Connie!
- What? That's what happened, right?
Yeah, but they don't need to know that!
- [Maury] Jeez Louise!
- That's just the way you make me feel ♪
That's just the way you make me feel ♪
- That's just the way you make me feel ♪
- That's just the way you make me feel ♪
A-ha
So real, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
- So real, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
- A-ha ♪
That's just the way you make me feel ♪
That's just the way you make me feel ♪
It's like I'm powerful
With a little bit of tender ♪
An emotional, sexual bender ♪
Mess me up, yeah
But no one does it better ♪
There's nothing better ♪
That's just the way you make me feel ♪
- I know, Lucinda, and I am so sorry.
- [phone rings]
I've got two clients named Lucinda,
and I thought you were Lucinda P,
but you're Lucinda B,
and that's why you acted
so inappropriately with your boss.
Because Lucinda P is fucking her boss,
and I know it's toxic,
but love is love, right? [laughs]
Hello?
Hello?
[sighs] Well, I've lost another one.
Mmm, see, Emmy, this is why I keep
both paper and digital folders
for each of my clients.
Color-coded, of course,
so that I never mix them up.
Pete, I'm not you.
I'm not meant to be good at my job.
Labor does not agree with me.
[groans] When will my life get fun again?
- Well, I think work can be fun.
- Oh, Pete, honey.
You have no idea how to be fun.
- Yes, I do. Look at my mug.
- [scoffs]
[Emmy] "Don't Vark Too Aard"?
It's an aardvark in a [chuckles]
in a suit, like a businessman.
- [Pete laughs]
- [groans]
Oh, God, another client?
"Sarah K. Twenty-eight. Clinton Hill"?
[exhales]
I'm gonna go sit on the toilet
and pretend to poop to avoid working.
Also, one time I hit a beach ball
at a sporting event.
I'm very fun!
I think you're fun, Pete.
I saw you eat a frozen banana yesterday.
- I know. It's almost like ice cream.
- [chuckles] Oh, Pete.
- [grunts]
- Ahh!
Rochelle, you lovable, fuckable,
buggable girlfriend of mine.
Dante, is this charcuterie basket for me?
I may have lost my meat,
but I've still got cheddar
to spend on my girl.
- Hold this for me, chief.
- Oh, uh Oh, okay.
[kissing, moaning]
Um, uh, yeah, I actually just remembered
I have to conduct business here
at my work desk.
Wow, a full meat basket?
That is love, Gil.
Hey, Joe, why don't you ever buy me
a meat basket?
Come on, Gilly, you know I love you.
Well, say it with mortadella, please.
[sniffs]
I miss you even when I'm with you, babe.
- God, I know.
- Mm!
Let's sneak
to the bathroom together, yeah?
Ugh, I wish I could, but I have work.
I'll just get under the desk then, yeah?
I have to taste you, babe,
or I'll go mental.
[chuckles] Dante! In the office?
- Uh, you guys aren't actually gonna?
- Oh, yes. We are.
Okay, um
I'm just gonna go sit on the toilet
and pretend to have a bowel movement.
- [chuckles] This is so inappropriate.
- [Dante] Mm!
[Walter] Aww, look at those two.
They can't keep their hands
off each other.
- I know. It's disgusting.
- It's sweet.
You know I love love.
He's giving her oral pleasures
under her desk, Walter.
Ew! Can't you just call it
something normal?
Yeah, whatever.
- Cunnilingus isn't what I'm interested in.
- I am.
There's something weird going on
with those two dudes.
- Is there?
- You noticed Dante seems to hate Pete?
Well, he did cut off Dante's dick.
Nah, the guy had three dicks,
and Pete saved his life.
It's more than that.
You don't think
you should just mind your own business
and respect their privacy?
[laughing]
I'm just kidding.
We're coworkers.
- Their business is our business.
- [laughs] You right.
- Maury, baby, you need to calm down.
- "Calm down"?
If I don't get Wolfbang Fuck
to do the passed apps
for this Jizz Mitzvah,
I'm going to freak out.
Oh! The preparations are underway, I see.
- I look forward to the big day.
- What'd you just say?
I even bought a sexy new fashion belt
from a mean teenager at Hot Topic.
Why you buying belts?
- Why, for the Jizz Mitzvah, of course.
- Hey! How do you know about that?
And Maury, look at you.
Making your baby body a forever body.
- [groans]
- Very brave.
- Maury, did you invite him?
- Of course not.
We went to great lengths
to invite everyone in the office but him.
- Well, he cannot come.
- [dish shatters]
This is an event
that should be totally free of shame.
Yeah, he'll just make people feel bad
for watching our offspring
squirt their nut.
Exactly. Let's go tell him
to shove his new belt up his ancient anus.
Yeah, buckle first.
Okay, Sarah K. Please be an easy one.
Mama needs a win.
Thanks, Raoul. Put it on my tab
and give yourself a nice fat tip.
- You are a prince among men.
- Mmm.
Okay. Nice to bartenders. She seems cool.
Hey, Sarah, I'm Emmy, your new Lovebug,
and possibly your new best friend.
[chuckles]
Oh. Okay.
So, uh, what are you loving these days?
Boys? Girls? Cold, hard cash? [chuckles]
Well, I dunno.
I guess I'm just lovin' life.
All right. No red flags here.
Mind if I, uh, pull up a stool?
- [Van] Well, well, well.
- Wow.
Who's this cute little bumblebee?
Who are you?
- I'm Van, Sarah's Logic Rock.
- Cool.
And now it's your turn, girly.
Who are you?
Oh, I'm, uh, Emmy, her new Lovebug.
I see. Fuck right off, Emmy.
Cool. Wait, wait, what?
Nothing personal.
We're just not big on love. Right, Sarah?
- Yeah, love's so complicated and messy.
- Oh
And these humans,
they're only alive for, like, what?
- Eighty, ninety years?
- Sometimes less.
So, honey, my philosophy is
maximize pleasure, minimize pain.
No, no! Hold Hold on. [chuckles]
Pleasure's actually my whole thing.
It's kinda all I care about.
Come on, Van. Let her stick around.
It's Tipsy Tuesday.
I'm fun, I promise.
So fun, I didn't even know it was Tuesday.
All right, but you gotta catch up
and keep up.
[gurgling]
Told you I was fun.
[gags, swallows]
I'm actua I'm good.
All right, lightning round.
Greatest shame. Kitty.
Ooh! She secretly loves Ted Lasso.
- [chuckles]
- Correct.
Montel, what the hell are you doin'
with the Shame Wizard?
Please tell me you two
are planning a terrorist attack.
- Lionel's been mentoring me.
- Exsquirt me?
Montel is quite gifted
at pinpointing one's greatest shame.
Observe. Gil.
Ooh! Thinks about Joe
when he's making love to his wife.
Indeed. Joe.
Thinks about his wife
when he's making love to Gil.
Brilliant! Maury.
Everyone loves Connie more.
He'll always live in the shadow
of her fabulousness.
- Hey! How dare you!
- Ahh!
I mean, that is very insightful.
No, it's not. Not insightful.
Montel, why are you doing
all of this bullshit
instead of preparing
for your Jizz Mitzvah?
Because, Mama Maury, I've been thinking,
and [sighs] I don't want a Jizz Mitzvah.
[gasps] But my big binder.
Baby, your father's been going overboard
with the whole event
Shut the door. I'm burning us alive.
We can make it smaller, more intimate
You don't get it.
I don't want any kind of Jizz Mitzvah.
But, sweetie,
how will you be ritually welcomed
into the community of Hormone Monsters?
Well, that's just the thing.
I don't want to be a Hormone Monster.
- What?!
- Oh, God!
Maury, you were right the whole time.
I wanna do the burning family thing.
Oh, I wanna roast from the inside out.
Oh, me too.
That actually went better
than I thought it would.
Yes, but my office is burning.
[playful music playing]
Guys, if I don't pee right now,
I'll fucking die.
It's gonna absorb into my bloodstream
and give me tinkle brain.
- One of my mom's friends died from that.
- We'll just go in the dudes' room.
Uh, oh, my God.
How the hell do this many guys
have to take a dump at once?
- Ooh, what if we tried a urinal?
- Good call. Grab the middle one.
So, do I, like, mount it straight on?
- Nope, nope, nope, nope.
- Backwards. Definitely backwards.
- [Van] Oof, if you pee on me
- Ohhh.
Sweet mother
of all that is bright and shiny,
that feels so good.
Oh, uh
- Hi?
- Uh, ahoy.
I'm sorry. A Am I in the wrong, uh
Nope. Welcome to the men's room.
Well, thank you
for being such a nice host.
- Aww, this guy's cute.
- Ooh!
[grunts] I-I'd love to let you finish,
but I've really gotta pee.
Nah, don't be silly, big dawg.
Unzip. Unfurl.
Okay, "big dawg" is, uh, unfurling
Woo!
- [laughs]
- Don't look, if you don't mind.
Don't wanna look
if you don't want me to look.
That means
there's nothing worth looking at.
That's not what I'm You know what?
As a rule, we typically don't talk
to each other in the men's room.
[moans, sighs]
What? I'm not talking.
- Okay, but now you are, actually.
- Yeah, because you looked at me.
[man] Hey, can you guys flirt
somewhere else? I'm trying to focus.
- No, we're not flirting.
- Yes, we are.
Oh! Okay. Very cool.
[whispering] Sarah, I peeked at his penis,
and it's a good one.
[screams]
Wow, an impromptu invite
to drinks with co-workers.
Sounds like something
that would happen to a fun individual.
- Pete, that jacket.
- Fun, right?
- I was gonna say deeply upsetting.
- All right. Enough chitchat.
Pete, what the fuck's goin' on
with you and Dante?
Me and Dante? [chuckles]
Boo-boo, it's obvious
he hates your rock-hard guts.
We just wanna know why,
you sweet, beautiful baby boulder.
The hell are you doing?
I thought we'd play
a little bad cop, fab cop.
I fuckin' love it.
Now, tell us what else you did to Dante
or I'll pull your heart
outta your asshole!
Wha Nothing, I swear.
Petra, be nice to my pretty little pebble.
- Pebble, spill the tea. Mwah.
- What is happening?
What'd you do, huh? Fuck his sister?
- No, his mother?
- What?
Why'd you fuck his mother
in front of his father?
- What the hell's wrong with you?
- Nothing. He's perfect.
We're gonna open a restaurant together.
[kisses]
Stop yelling at me
and kissing my forehead.
Dante is only mad at me
because I had to slowly cut off his penis.
- [Rochelle] Hey, guys.
- [laughs]
- Nice jacket, mate.
- Oh, thank you?
What'd you skin Barney the dino
for that thing?
- Shut up.
- Fuckin' hideous.
- I got him that jacket. [chuckles]
- You did?
Pete, you look great.
Oh, I do? [chuckles]
Uh, I-I mean, who cares what you think.
Not me.
Bullshit.
I bet you prance
around your apartment in it,
calling yourself "Mr. Rochelle."
Come on, Dante, leave him alone.
Holy shit, that's why Dante hates you.
You got a thing for Rochelle!
No, I don't.
That's why he wears
the deeply upsetting jacket.
- Just shut, shut, shut it.
- Oh, we're good.
Wow, wow, wow, wow. Okay.
So you got the hots for Dante's girl,
and then you cut off his dick?
You're an evil genius.
No, I had to cut it off.
Of course you did, Pebble.
Only two more to go.
[laughs]
[playful music playing]
Can I ask, are you washing your hands
because you got pee on them
or because you have a filthy penis?
Oh, this is actually the first time
I've ever washed my hands. [chuckles]
I just wanted
to keep this weird hang going.
Ew. But aww.
I know, right? Meet-cute in the potty?
Who'd have thought?
Okay, keep your little glow
in your pants, Emmy.
Here it comes.
[imitating Van] "Logically, you shouldn't
be picking up guys in bar bathrooms."
I don't sound like that.
And logically,
now that you've seen his penis,
you should find out
what that sucker tastes like.
Huh! What does a human penis taste like?
Mmm, it's nothing to write home about.
At best, it tastes like soap.
[laughs] Actually, at best,
it tastes like you, darling.
Hey, babe. All right, all right,
let's fuck the urinal guy.
Ready? On three. One, two, three
Let's fuck the urinal guy!
[chuckles]
What a delightful group.
[Connie] Montel, sweetie, talk to me.
What on earth are you gonna do
if you're not a Hormone Monster?
Well I I plan to become a Shame Wizard.
- What?!
- No!
I I've thought about this a lot.
I like the clothes,
I like seeing humans in a tortured state,
and I think I'd be really good at it.
Well, do you think you'd be good
at being shunned by your entire community?
That's what's gonna happen
if you don't masturbate to completion
on that stage tomorrow. [groans]
What your father means to say
is we just want what's best for you.
No, what I mean to say is
how the fuck did this happen?
Connie, do you think
this is maybe our fault?
- I mean, is it possible we were too horny?
- [groans]
Or not horny enough?
No, no, no, too horny.
- Yeah, too horny.
- Definitely too horny.
Guys, it's not like I'd be
the first creature
to switch to another line of work.
Montel, baby, if you're scared
about jacking off in front of people
It's not that.
This is about me pursuing my destiny,
and my destiny is in shame.
But you're gonna make it
so hard for yourself.
You'll face prejudice, Montel.
I am so cruel
to people that are different than me.
Uh, Maury, walk it back.
What I'm trying to say is
everyone will hate you, my sweet baby,
just like they hate Lionel.
Well, I don't hate Lionel.
I find him inspiring.
[vomits]
Now you're just trying to hurt Daddy.
Sweetie, you gotta realize,
this is very important to your father.
Oh, come on, Connie. Not you too.
You're supposed to be the better one.
I am the better one.
Montel, you are getting Jizz Mitzvah'ed
whether you like it or not.
The heck I am.
Looks like we're gonna have to sedate them
and Weekend at Bernie's this Jizz Mitzvah.
Way ahead of you.
- [hiss]
- Ow!
- Aw, shit, I darted you.
- Oh, I love you.
[phone vibrates]
What? What's happening?
Why the hell did you set an alarm
for 1:00 a.m.?
Ohh, oh.
It's my one-night-stand insurance policy.
I never spend the night.
Well then how are we gonna parlay
this meet-cute
into a full-blown relationship?
Honey, we're not here for a relationship.
We're here for fun. Then we skedaddle.
- AKA the smash and dash.
- The nail and bail.
[both] The fuck and duck.
But hold on, I-I'm all for fun,
but wouldn't it also be fun
to, like, sleep over,
have breakfast together,
spend the whole day doing sex and TV?
[sighs] I mean, I kind of wouldn't mind
spending the day with this guy.
- And then what? Start dating?
- Yes.
- Become exclusive?
- Of course.
- Move in?
- That sounds good.
Break up? Be miserable? Cry on the subway?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Van, don't you think
you're being a little pessimistic?
Uh, no. We had fun. It was great.
Now let's just take the win.
Huh. I'm not sure I've ever taken the win.
Em, listen.
I've crunched the numbers on love,
and the stats are pure ass.
These relationship things,
they almost always end in heartbreak.
- Or death.
- Exactly.
So let's just remember this
beautiful experience and move forward.
And it was a beautiful experience, right?
So beautiful.
- Great. Can we bounce?
- Wait.
Uh, can we just steal something
to remember him by?
Yes. Love it. How about some cash?
Mmm, I was thinking
something more intimate.
[groans]
- [gasps] Okay.
- Deodorant?
- I panicked.
- [sniffs]
Oh, yeah. We can work with this.
[playful music playing]
Good morning. Hi.
Hi, nice to see you.
Oh, your breasts look lovely today.
I told you Montel wasn't gonna show up.
And now the ice sculpture is melting,
the dick daisies are wilting,
and nothing is going according to plan.
Hi, lovely to see you.
Your ass is exquisite.
Oh, is that an iTunes gift card?
[chuckles] Thanks for coming.
Oh, there's Pete and Mona.
Let's go say hi.
- [scoffs] I bet he'd love that.
- Excuse me?
Listen, babe,
I didn't wanna have to do this,
but, like, you can't talk
to Pete anymore, okay?
What? Why not?
- He's fuckin' in love with you.
- No, he isn't.
Yeah, he is. He's dying for you
to give him a Melbourne handshake.
He practically admitted it to me
right after he separated me
from my favorite fucking donger.
- He said that?
- Look, it's gonna be him or me, all right?
You're being insane.
I'm not gonna stop talking to my friend.
So, what? You're
You're picking him over me?
- That's not what I said.
- Good. You'll never talk to him again.
- It's agreed.
- No, it's not!
You're seriously gaslighting me right now,
and I need a drink.
- [gulps, sighs]
- Van is such a fucking blast.
She uses logic as an argument
to, like, party and have casual sex.
- She's awesome.
- Ooh!
Sounds like you wanna go
spelunking in her Van cave.
No, I don't.
Well, unless that means
having sex with Van,
in which case, yes, I do.
What's going on?
Where's the pervert of honor?
Oh, they'll be here any minute.
They're just in the back chubbing up,
getting ready for the big event.
Maury, we both know where Montel is.
You gotta go make this right.
Oh, I know. And I'm gonna miss
the passed apps.
Save me some jalapeñis poppers
and some dicks in a blanket
and also some egg rolls.
And when we skedaddled
I convinced Sarah to steal his deodorant.
So, yeah, I'm killing it
both personally and professionally.
Hold up. You guys did
a post-meet-cute skedaddle?
A skedaddle is the enemy of love.
It undercuts the meet-cute.
No way. Van says it just leaves you open
for more meet-cutes.
Emmy, if you want love to blossom
with this guy, you can't be skedaddling.
Well, maybe we don't want love.
I mean, then what?
They move in together
and inevitably break up?
Listen to you! Ugh!
This rock brainwashed you
into being a Lovebug
who doesn't believe in love anymore.
- Yeah, I'm with Walter.
- God!
Do you always have to show up
right when I'm about to win an argument?
[laughs] You were not gonna win.
Van played you. She's a Logic Rock.
We are, as a species,
much smarter than Lovebugs.
- Well, Petes, as a species, smell like
- Feces?
Uh, no.
- Shit. [chuckles] Bitch.
- [glass shatters]
- [thunderclap]
- [sinister music playing]
Ugh, of course that shame-soaked weirdo
lives in an abandoned church.
Montel?
Montel!
[Lionel]
Welcome to my humble home, Maurice.
Can I offer you some tabernacle wine?
Or perhaps a disgusting cracker?
Where is my child, you floating freak?
Hello, Mama Maury.
[sinister music continues]
- Wow, great entrance.
- Thank you.
Montel, I am done with your little games.
There is an entire ballroom
of my friends and colleagues
waiting for you to publicly masturbate.
You are coming with me now.
Oh, no, I shan't.
- Oh, yes, you shan.
- Shan't!
Wha Why are you doing this to me?
I'm not doing it to you.
Don't you get it? It's not about you.
- Work, bitch.
- You shut it.
Montel, how could it not be about me?
You're rejecting everything I stand for.
But what about what I stand for?
Honey, I support anything you want to do,
but, yuck, a Shame Wizard?
Oh, listen to you. You're so prejudiced.
You sound like a miserable old bigot.
Hey! I am not old. I am young and cool
and everyone knows that.
Right, because all the young,
cool monsters
make their children feel
like a disappointment for being different.
Well, that's not what I'm doing is it?
Well, yeah. You made me feel
like you don't love me for who I am.
Oh my God. I've been a bad Mama Maury.
And how does that make you feel,
Mr. Young Cool Monster?
I'm [sniffles] I'm so ashamed of myself.
And that's a Yahtzee.
You see, Maurice? Your child's a savant.
- Wow, you really do have a gift, Montel.
- Thank you.
And I gotta tell ya,
I did not plan to back down.
In fact, I was fully prepared
to ruin our relationship,
and then murder Lionel.
Eh What's that now?
All right, now that I've sung
Sondheim's entire body of work,
I will list my sexual partners
from the 1990s,
starting with Mr. Paul Reiser.
[cheering]
Hurry up, Maurice.
Hey, Van, uh, just so you know.
- I, like, believe in love, okay?
- Okay.
And I know you're all cool and fun
and good at your job,
but I'm getting actually good
at my job too.
And love, it's important.
I believe in it, and I
[kissing, moaning]
What the fuck?
Eh, it's just the way you were talking,
all passionately.
- I just felt like I had to kiss you.
- Oh, my God.
You're so random. Stop! [chuckles]
So, uh, what were you saying before?
I, um I have no idea.
I guess it wasn't that important then,
right, Em?
Yeah, you're probably hot.
I mean, you're probably right. [chuckles]
Bye, Daddy. I mean Mommy.
Uh, I mean, officer?
Fuck! Get outta here, Emmy.
[slurps] Ooh, you're my favorite server,
you know that?
- It's because of your tits.
- [giggles]
Hey, Rochelle.
I'm sorry if me wearing the jacket
made Dante upset or drunk or something.
Pete, stop. It's not your fault.
- Hey! Get away from her, rock.
- Dante, what the fuck?
- Oh, shit.
- Fuckin' knew this was comin'.
- First you cut my favorite dick off.
- You were gonna die.
And then you accept presents
from my girlfriend?
Okay, well, the present was technically
before the dick-cutting
Oh, Pete, Pete, Pete.
So what's next? You You gonna
go down on her in front of me, mate?
- Huh?
- What the fuck?
Throw her on that table? Theragun
her doorbell until her head falls off?
God!
- [Pete] No!
- "Theragun her doorbell"?
Should I get a Theragun?
You think I'm not a man anymore
'cause I only have two dicks, huh?
Dante, chill the fuck out.
Stay out of this. You've done enough.
Hey!
[grunts]
- Oh, my God!
- [man] Holy shit!
Holy shit! Do I wanna fuck Pete?
Get in line.
Look, uh, Dante,
I am so sorry to have to do that.
- It's just that, uh
- You're dead, Pete.
Excuse me?
I'm gonna find a way to get you
and ruin your goddamn life.
That is, like, a very direct threat.
Dante, you're being an asshole.
Leave him alone.
- How about I leave you alone, forever?
- What?
And just so you know, I never loved you.
- I was only addicted to you.
- Dante?
Every fucking moment I spent with you
was a complete waste of time.
- [sighs]
- My God.
You can all rot in hell.
Dante out! Ha!
[crowd gasping]
I, um
[sobbing]
All right.
You can all stop being bored now.
- We have finally arrived.
- And yes, my belt buckle is a seatbelt.
Everyone, everyone, quiet down.
My beautiful child
has an announcement to make.
And they have my full support.
Hormone Monsters, Monstresses,
and other creatures from my parents' work
who I neither know nor care about,
while I'll always be horny
- Whoo!
- Oh, yeah!
my true passion
is making humans feel like shit.
[laughing] Yes, there it is.
- So I will not be Jizz Mitzvah'ed today.
- [crowd gasping]
- What?
- Because I am becoming a Shame Wizard.
[crowd booing]
No, not "boo." Not "boo."
Opposite of "boo." "Yay!"
Hey, hey, as much as
it pains me to say it, I
[inhales] Ugh.
agree with Lionel.
Not "boo," "yay" to my child
for being their true self.
But who's gonna cum behind the curtain?
Yeah, it's a million years bad luck
to have a Jizz Mitzvah
without a curtain squirtin'.
- We demand an ejaculation!
- Let's get juicy, baby.
Then we'll do it. Maurice?
After you, Constance.
[drumroll]
[Connie moans]
- [Connie] And done.
- Oh my God, already?
Shit. Now it's getting soft.
[chanting] Connie! Connie!
Oh, no. It's my Jizz Mitzvah
all over again.
- Connie! Connie!
- Oh, Connie, they really do like you more.
Aw, Maury.
They really do.
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme ♪
What I want, yeah ♪
What I want, yeah ♪
Why don't you tell me, tell me
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me ♪
It's freaky ♪
Wanna please me ♪
From side to side, New York, bye-bye ♪
To Tokyo, konnichi wa ♪
From East LA
Let me hear you say ♪
Konnichi wa ♪
Good, good
I ain't afraid to stay ♪
Yeah ♪
I can't hit all
'Cause, baby, I'm a king ♪
See my crown ♪
Good! ♪