Hustle s02e01 Episode Script

Where's Danny? I don't know.
He disappeared just after we took off.
Here he is.
Right, listen, it's been fun, hasn't it? All right and I'm going to call you just like I promised I said I would.
How's your head? That's all right, I'll call engineering.
I'll get that soap dispenser moved down a little bit.
It's dangerous, could have your eye out.
Okay, got to go.
Big kiss.
There it is, go on.
-Finished? -Yeah, just having a flashback.
-Ash, get us a car.
-Right.
So that's where you disappeared to? Well, there's something about trolley dollies.
It must be all that makeup.
-Three hours? -Oh, no.
No, the last two, I was flying the plane.
-Nice place.
-Start as you mean to go on.
Mick? Look I don't care if he does know the Chancellor the price is still nine million, non-negotiable.
Hold.
Yes? There seems to be some confusion over the reservation.
-There wasn't one.
-Janet? Well, I called this morning to confirm.
I'm sure it was just an oversight.
Our reservations clerk is new.
So new in fact, she forgot to swipe your credit card.
And you are? I'm the manager.
-Yes, Nigel? -Yes.
Nigel, I will see to it right away.
Well, if I could just take it-- Excuse me.
Yes, I'm still here.
Yes, and the price is still the same.
Would you hold please? Thank you for dealing with this matter personally, I will get right on it.
Right.
-Thank you.
-No problem.
Okay, let's do what we do best.
Let me get this straight.
What you're telling me is you're going to take my 100,000 in cash do your little share scam thing then bring me back half a million, in five days, is that right? Guaranteed.
But we'll have to be quick.
Crown Offshore find out that we've manipulated their stock we'll be dead in the water.
Come on, think about it, Howard.
A guaranteed minimum return of 500%, no risk, no fuss.
-It sounds fantastic.
-It is.
Your competitors will be sick when they find out how much money you've made on the deal.
And you're willing to let me in? First name on my list.
Half a mil, one hit.
-No questions asked.
-I've got a question.
Shoot.
Where on my forehead does it say cash dispenser? -I'm not with you.
-Really? Let me spell it out for you, as you're clearly not the sharpest tool in the box.
You tell me about this great deal you have.
Guy on the inside, guaranteed returns, blah, blah, blah.
I give you a grand, you give me four back.
You with me so far? I'll take that as a yes.
So now I'm three grand up.
Thank you very much, by the way.
You're three grand down, but you're hoping that's a good investment.
Why? Because giving me three grand should convince me to give you more.
Let's call it bait.
You all right? You look a bit peaky.
Can I get you a drink or something? No? So.
Now I give you a suitcase full of money, cash of course.
After all, I can trust you, can't I? You've already made me money.
Only this time you disappear.
Simple.
Imaginative.
What could go wrong? Okay, that's it.
Deal's off.
Clear you don't trust me.
I suggest we call it a day.
But my money's here.
No, I'll find someone who appreciates what I'm offering.
I appreciate it, really I do.
Please.
Please take my money.
Do your magic thing one more time.
Okay, look, you're £3,000 to the good.
Let's just leave things as they are.
No, let's not.
Give this to the police.
Oh, no.
What kind of welcome's that? The kind you get when you disappear without paying your tab.
We thought you'd be pleased to see us.
My accountant said I should bar you until you pay up.
-You've got an accountant? -Yes.
So, you're all barred.
Okay, Eddie, if that's the way you feel about it.
-How about one last drink? -For old times' sake.
Okay, one drink.
Cheers, Eddie, bring them over.
And put them on our tab.
We got a lottery winner here.
If you beat the odds of fourteen million-to-one you deserve to keep your money.
Telecommunications boss gets golden handshake.
Sorry.
Hello? Alice, Alice, Alice! God, yeah.
Yeah, of course I remember.
Yeah, mine is, too, it's killing me.
I can't talk right now, sweetheart, 'cause I'm, you know, I'm just about to.
I'm just about to go into theater.
Yeah, all right, I'll definitely call you back.
Definitely.
All right, goodbye.
Bye.
You're a very sick man, Danny.
Look at me, surrounded by angels.
All right, this is your last drink, then you're all barred.
You really should work on your customer service, Edward.
-You're almost there.
-I save that for paying customers.
I suppose you've heard about Harry.
-Who? -Harry Holmes, one of your lot, ain't he? -Old-time grifter.
-Yeah, he's one of the best.
What happened, Harry.
Seems he was taken for 30,000 a few years back.
He remembered the sequence.
So he took you for the convincer, and then turned you in? How much? This is what I don't get, right.
Why didn't he just pocket your three grand and, you know, let you walk away? He loved it, you know? Telling me how clever he was.
Taped every conversation we had, then made a full statement.
So who is he? A young high flier called Howard Jennings.
He's a property broker.
He finds land for the major developers to build on.
Nasty piece of work.
I really thought I had him.
He's obsessive, always one step ahead, has files on all his opponents.
Checks everything out, nothing left to chance.
A rival company snatched a large parcel of land from under his nose last month.
Took a nine iron to his own desk.
It's like he needs a course in anger management.
Made worse when they discovered a cache of old Roman coins during excavation.
Worth a fortune, apparently.
Made him a laughingstock.
Sounds like it couldn't happen to a nicer bloke.
-Do you need anything? -No.
Thanks, Mickey, but I'm fine.
I appreciate you coming, though.
Know it couldn't have been easy.
Mick, did you have to dress like that when you were inside? -Drop it, Danny.
-It was a joke.
-A bad one.
-Sorry, Mick, no offense.
None taken.
Listen, right, listen up.
I say we take this Jennings bloke.
-We can't.
-Why not? -Tell him, Ash.
-Well, he's clued up.
When some realize they've been conned, they get obsessed by it.
You know, research the subject.
And if he knows enough to take convincer money off a good grifter like Harry that's what he's done.
Which means they can't be taken again.
First rule of the con always stay one step ahead of the mark.
Hang on a minute.
I thought the first rule of the con was you can't cheat an honest man.
-It's that, too.
-Yeah, can he do that, Albert? Can he just change the first rule when he wants? You can't con someone who knows when they're being conned.
You're saying, this bloke's too clever for us? No, I'm saying we play percentages.
And if the mark knows the plays, it leaves us nowhere to go.
Excuse me.
No, idiot.
Hello, gorgeous girl.
Yes, I'm with a patient.
Who? One of the passengers, that's right.
Yeah, it's the turbulence in the air.
Sickness, nightmare.
All right, yeah, I'll call you, of course.
Bye.
Look.
What's the one thing you've said to me more than anything else? Apart from ''Shut up, Danny.
'' Listen, now, everyone has a way in, all right, everyone's got a weakness.
Maybe he's the exception that proves the rule.
Maybe he's not, okay? A mark is a mark is a mark is a mark.
All right, look, there's no point doing all this Kung Fu, Grassyhopper stuff Mickey, with me, if you're not going to let me put it to the test.
Danny, the long con is a science.
It's about reason, covering all the angles, leaving nothing to chance.
Yeah.
But it's also about having the bottle to go for it.
Look any idiot can go for it.
But a con artist takes the mark's money and he doesn't even know he's been conned.
Yeah, okay.
But isn't it also about gut instinct? What's Albert call it? What do you call it, Albert? Grift sense? Most of all it's about not taking unnecessary risks.
All right.
Let's put it out.
Let's ask the others.
Leave me out of it.
Just pretend I'm not here, all right? Thanks a lot.
Okay.
Let's let Albert decide.
Well, on the surface, granted trying to con Jennings is a bad idea.
But there's another challenge here.
Two styles of grifting.
One reasoned, well thought out, as Mickey says, covering all the angles.
The other more intuitive daring, relying on one's ability to think on their feet.
Which is the best? Hard to say.
They each have merits of their own.
See? I got merits.
Of course, the true con has elements of both.
That's it, then, what Albert says.
It's a challenge.
What? We take the con.
If it works, I win, and if it don't, you do.
-You don't think that's a little childish? -No, Mickey.
No, I don't.
Okay? -What? -50p says that I can take him.
-50p.
-Yeah, cash.
To con the un-connable mark.
Of course, if you're too much of a girly wuss, Mickey a little bit too frightened to take the bet, we'll just leave it right there.
Okay, superstar.
You have got yourself a bet.
So we're actually going to do this? Well, it looks like it.
Yeah.
Tell them it's non-negotiable.
I want this loser sent down for whatever the maximum sentence is.
He played the game, he lost.
He pays the bill.
End of.
Very simple, just think.
Think it through.
Look, Danny.
Why do you always have to go out on a limb, hey? I don't know.
I just hear myself saying it, Ash, and then that's it.
Anyway, I'm in it now.
Need any help? Me, no.
No, thanks.
No, I've got it all sussed.
I'm just really, you know, going through those fine details.
Details? I know what you're thinking.
Do you? You're thinking the most important thing is to keep him away from the police, right? Most marks don't report a con because they think they've done something illegal or better still, they don't know they've been conned in the first place.
Yeah, that's right.
With Jennings, his reputation is the biggest thing.
He has to be seen as top dog.
Brilliant! Brilliant.
It is.
Wow! That's like you're in my head.
You're probably thinking of a way to make him look stupid if he did go to the police, right? Right.
Something that might ruin his reputation, that sort of thing? You know what? That is really, really clever.
Yeah, I scare myself sometimes.
Okay, I've got it! Right, listen up.
Briefing back here, one hour.
Don't be late.
Thank you.
Let's make it two.
You see, whatever we do has to be so outrageous that even if he knows he's being conned, he ain't going to go to the police because he's going to look a prat.
Right, I got the idea from Harry.
You remember he said this Jennings bloke was miffed 'cause that other company found all them gold coins.
-Yeah, and? -And we sell him a piece of land but we make him believe there's something under it.
Such as? I read about this museum exhibition-- -You read something? -Yes, thank you, Stacie.
I can read.
Thank you.
Actually, Irish John told me about it.
Right.
The Jubilee collection.
Gold artifacts dating back to the Bronze Age, found when they were extending the Jubilee line into the East End.
Yeah, I heard about that.
What they couldn't work out was where all the gold came from.
It suggested that the Bronze Age inhabitants of what would eventually become London -had a plentiful supply-- -Thank you, I was just about to say that.
Hold on.
Why couldn't the gold have come from somewhere else? There are more likely sites in the Mendips or Wales, but as the M4 wasn't built for the next 5,000 years, chances are it was mined locally.
-Gold mine scam-- -Hello, thank you.
-This is my con.
-Wait a sec.
We're going to sell this guy a gold mine? In Central London? Why not? This is going to be the easiest 50 pence I've ever earned.
Okay, yeah, all right.
But don't spend your money just yet 'cause that is the whole point.
The more outrageous it is, the less he's going to see it coming.
Well, there's a twisted logic in there somewhere.
No, he's got a point.
You know, I mean who'd be stupid enough to try and sell a fake gold mine in the middle of London? There you go.
Harry told me Jennings reads The Telegraph.
So we mock up a copy for him.
Now he must know about the collection, but let's remind him.
Phase two, the land itself.
Ash has found us a place.
from where the artifacts were found.
Run as an old rag and bone yard for years.
Now the old guy-- Thank you very much.
The old man is retiring, so he's willing to sell it to us.
The agreement is we pay when we find a buyer.
Okay, I say we sell it to Howard for twice what the land's worth.
We'll pack the old boy off on holiday to Bognor Regis so he's going to be out of our hair for two weeks.
How do we convince the mark about the gold? All we got to do is plant the seed.
Just enough to get him to take a soil test and then get a gold expert in for evaluation.
And he, of course, will be one of us.
What do you think? If it had any more holes, you could strain tea with it.
Let's be honest, mate, you're just frightened of losing the bet.
Okay.
So what's first? -Ash, what about the office? -We'll be set up in a couple of days.
Right.
Then that leaves nothing more than for me to reel him in.
-What? -Problem? Yes, Albert's the roper.
That's how this works, we all do our own jobs.
Albert ropes, Stacie's the banker Ash is our fixer, and you and I play the inside.
I know that, okay, and no offense, Albert, but we can't do this one by the book.
If Jennings knows all the moves, we've got to invent new ones.
No roper steering him to the inside man, no convincer.
I'm just going to dive straight in.
Whoosh.
Whoosh? Trust me, he won't know what's hit him.
What do you think? It's a disaster waiting to happen.
Tell me I'm wrong.
I can't.
I think we should keep an eye on him.
All right.
Wish me luck.
Wait, I'll come with you.
You don't make life easy for yourself, do you, Danny? It'll work, Albert, all right.
It will work, just trust me on it.
-Anything is possible.
-What, you think I'm out of my depth? Use that talent of yours and surprise us all.
And remember, your first meeting with a mark is crucial.
If you get off on the wrong foot -you're beat from the start.
-Right.
Cold read him, learn everything you can before you say a word.
Cold what? You do know about cold reading? Oh, cold reading.
I know about cold reading.
Yeah.
Well, how about a little refresher course? If we've got time, I mean.
Yes, please.
It's really very simple.
Follow me.
What do you see? Okay, right.
-A bloke.
-More specific.
You've got to convince him that you're like-minded, like two peas in a pod that you could be his friend.
Now to do that, you need to know who he is.
To become a chameleon.
Chameleon? Okay.
His name is Mark.
All right, okay, seriously.
Well he's -he's divorced? -There you go.
Maybe he's not, though.
He's on a business trip.
Could be here on the pull.
-Not enough cologne.
-Okay.
What else? Divorced.
He sees his children on the weekends, at fast food restaurants.
He has to pay a fortune for the maintenance and that's left him tired and stressed.
He probably didn't cook before he left home.
Consequently he's lost weight recently.
No way.
I'm not having that.
Look at his socks.
See? Children.
And his nails.
See the stress? His skin.
That's the fast food, yeah? Okay, I'm having all of this, but how you telling me he's lost weight? Look at his belt.
See the line.
He's pulled it in a notch.
Mark, how are you? Have you lost weight recently? How are your lovely children? Thanks.
She's still got the hots for you.
Is that so? What, like you didn't know? This is the best crew I've ever had, and I intend to keep it that way.
And you think hooking up with Stacie would spoil that? I know hooking up with Stacie would spoil that.
Maybe you'd better tell her.
Guys, it's all about staying one step ahead of the competition.
-You see what you want and you just-- -Go for it.
It's not ''go for it,'' Nick.
It's ''get it.
'' Yes, I mean, that's what I meant.
That site I had in Islington.
She wouldn't move because she was worried her little cat wouldn't find its way home.
That's wrinklies for you.
So I ran over the cat, she signed within a fortnight.
See what you want, grab it by the balls.
Off you go.
Glass of shampoo, squire.
Oh, God, scenery's nice, isn't it? Anyone tried to pull yet? Nick was just about to try his luck, but he bottled it.
I told you, she's probably waiting for someone.
Well, there is only one way to find out.
Okay, you're on.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
All right.
Wish me luck.
Not a chance.
Hi.
I'm a bit nervous, listen, don't worry I'm not trying to pull you.
My boyfriend would kill me.
That's a joke.
All right.
Seriously, it's my mom's birthday, and I love her, I adore her.
I suppose what I'm really looking for is a bit of womanly advice.
Now, don't cry.
I had a girlfriend and I loved her but she dumped me on holiday.
That's all right, thank you.
He seems to be doing all right to me.
Could've been you.
-Fifty, weren't it? -Pay the man, Nicholas.
You know what I always say, Nichol-ass? You see what you want, you grab it by the balls.
Tell you what, why don't I buy you all a drink? No thanks.
We have to be getting back.
-Howard? -I think I'll stay for one more.
-See you back at the office, then.
-Yeah, see you.
I hate a bad loser, don't you? Absolutely.
Howard Jennings.
Paul Carrington.
He loved it, you know? Telling me how clever he was.
Taped every conversation we had, then made a full statement.
I really thought I had him.
Let's just leave things as they are.
No.
Let's not.
So, what do you do? Property.
-Property? -Development, mostly.
I find the land, you know, the boss flogs it to the highest bidder.
-What's the name of the company? -Cityrise.
You heard of it? -No.
-Based in Manchester.
Just opened a London office.
-And how's business? -It's okay.
So who do you work for, then? I work for me.
Now that is my dream.
Tell old Golden Balls where to stick his job.
Golden Balls? You'll know him soon enough.
Going to blow away the competition, he says.
Really? Biggest in London in three years, he reckons.
Anyway, it is time I was off.
Listen, Howard.
Can we do this again? Yeah, maybe.
Give my secretary a call.
Shame.
How you fixed for tomorrow? Really, I'm very busy.
Nice to meet you though, Paul.
I tell you what.
Why don't you swing over now? Check out the new offices? You can say hello to Golden Balls while you're there.
-Yeah, all right.
-Great.
I'll just ring my secretary, tell her I'm on my way.
-Dorothy.
-Dorothy? No.
-We're not set up.
We said tomorrow.
-I was losing him.
-We have to go now.
-Danny! There's not enough time.
Dorothy.
Can you hear me? -The line's very.
-Danny.
Okay, let's go.
Excuse me.
Can I help you? Don't tempt me, darling.
We've come to give the second floor a once over.
I thought you weren't starting till tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Look.
You ever done any painting and decorating, sweetheart? -A bit.
-Right, you ever heard of prepping? -Well, I.
-God bless.
I tell you what, you can come upstairs with us and give us both a hand, if you like.
-I bet you'd look great in a pair of overalls.
-I'm sure you'll manage.
He's with me.
Hold all my calls.
Thank you.
Right, this is the boss's floor, more or less and here's his office.
-You're late.
-Yeah, sorry, business lunch.
-I brought someone back with me.
-Yeah, who? This is my boss Martin Stuart.
Martin this is.
Howard Jennings.
So, you're Jennings? You've heard of me, then? James Harrison is due here in 10 minutes, we'll need his portfolio.
Well, I'll go and dig it out then, shall I? You're about all I have heard since I've been down here.
That's because this is my city.
There's not a patch of undeveloped land in London that I don't know about and have first refusal on.
If that's true, I guess I'll be out of a job soon.
You said it.
Is that what you've come to tell me? Pretty much.
Actually, I doubt we're in competition.
You buy and sell land, so do I.
Yes, but mine's more specialized.
Specialized? So if you'll excuse me, I do have some work to be getting on with.
I'll get Paul to show you out.
Harrison's file on my desk now.
Show Jennings out.
Howard.
-Well, it was a pleasure meeting you.
-Yeah, next time make an appointment.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
How did it go? It was a piece of cake.
-We weren't even set up.
-What? -He brought the mark back with him.
-I had a chance and I grabbed it.
What if we couldn't have got set up in time? Mickey, I had faith in you, didn't I? -Where're your socks? -Here's one of them.
Sorry, Danny, but it does seem a bit messy.
Messy? Usually we have it all worked out.
You know, a proper plan.
Listen, gang.
Listen up.
We have got a plan.
Okay, we've got a plan.
All up here.
You've no idea how frightening that is, have you? You just got to trust me, haven't you? What next, then? Well, I'm working on that one.
What's the first thing the mark would do? Well, he'd.
What would you do? Right.
Don't tell me.
You can almost hear the cogs turning.
Research Cityrise.
Ash, please set up a web site.
I was just about to say that.
Ash, go and search the thing.
I was just about to say that, Mickey.
All right, troops, everyone listen up.
Tomorrow.
Ash, get the yard ready.
Stacie, I want you down the museum.
Albert, you're our gold expert.
-Mickey, get yourself off to the bank.
-What for? Get your 50p out.
Do you ever have the feeling we've created a monster? All the time.
Right.
How far away? Remarkable examples, aren't they? Do you work here? I'm in charge of the Bronze Age.
Well, not the Bronze Age as such, I mean, that's a period of time.
That would make me a queen, and a time traveler, at that.
No, I'm actually in charge of the artifacts that hail from the period.
And these are my crowning glory.
One of the great mysteries of London.
It seems a bit far-fetched, that there's a gold mine in London somewhere.
No, not really.
The landscape was very different No, it's perfectly feasible.
In actual fact, we have a professor of geology here in the museum who's writing a paper on it.
Really? Where do I find this professor? I'm a philanthropist, I invest in scientific studies.
In that case, I'm sure he'd be happy to talk to you.
Let me write down his number.
It says here the original mine would be worth millions.
Indeed.
I doubt what you see here represents even Of course, the site has almost certainly been built on by now, so we'll never know, will we? I've written my number on the other side.
Enjoy the rest of your visit.
The Saxon village reconstruction is excellent.
You don't think Danny's going to pull this off, do you? No.
But you're letting him try anyway? He thinks what we do is easy.
Won't hurt to bring him down a peg or two.
And win the bet in the process? To the victor the spoils.
Hello? According to my notes, Howard.
May I call you Howard? Yes.
It's widely believed that most gold deposits, particularly of the volcanic and sedimentary variety were formed from circulating ground waters driven up by magma.
But, of course, it could also be expelled from the magma itself as it cooled.
-And this could happen in London, right? -Oh, yes.
No reason not, although geologically speaking -conditions aren't ideal.
-But is it possible? Oh, yes, there are certain residues that have been around for thousands of years.
And how could you find out if you thought you had land with gold in it? A multitude of ways, mostly by a simple soil test.
Soil test? So I could bring you some soil and you could tell from that whether there was gold underground? No, I have to have further tests for that.
But I could determine that the possibility was there.
How accurately? It depends on the size of the deposit.
You hold such a piece of land? No, not yet.
But if I did, would you be prepared to do this test for me? Yes, of course.
If the Museum has no objection I'd be happy to help.
What you talking about? I don't need all this.
I don't need all this.
Yes.
Just do it, all right, do it.
Cute, isn't it? All right, mate, how you doing? What's up? Basically, Nick doesn't know it yet, but he's leaving us.
So his job's up for grabs.
I just thought you might be interested.
with your commission nice car, relocation allowance.
Lovely.
Yeah, I am listening.
Only trouble is I'm just not sure you're right for it.
I'm not sure I want to work for you.
Don't take offense, Paul.
It's more about what kind of deals you're used to handling.
I mean, with Martin, what's the biggest deal you're doing? Do I look like a Muppet? -Pardon? -You're just trying to nick all our clients.
All right, well.
You can't blame a chap for trying, can you? Okay, look, just talk me through one of your deals.
I mean.
Martin was talking about one the other day.
What was it? The Jubilee deal? -You know about that? -A little.
So what is it? All I know all I know, is that we've been hired to buy a parcel of land regardless of price.
-By who? -That I don't know.
Martin's very secretive about it.
Which usually means that he wants to take all the credit.
Do you know where the land is? It's owned by an old rag and bone merchant.
We've offered him twice what it's worth in cash, but he ain't having any of it.
Cash? Yes, he hates banks.
It's a shithole.
That's what I don't get.
I mean, look at it.
Barely going to get two houses in there, are you? I mean, it ain't that far from the Jubilee line, granted.
But, I don't know, the boss seems very keen to pay way over the odds for it.
Right, can you get me in to see the owner? What's in it for me? The job we discussed earlier.
No.
Look.
I don't know what you're up to, all right.
I don't know, I don't care.
But, you cut me in and then maybe, you know maybe I'll suddenly start thinking about it.
I like you, Paul, you remind me of me.
So? Yeah, you've got yourself a deal.
Set up a meeting.
all I know, is that we've been hired to buy a parcel of land regardless of price.
regardless of price.
-Got to you the other day, didn't it? -What? -Going to see Harry in prison.
-Yeah, a little.
In which case, you've got a problem.
You know this is going to go pear shaped, don't you? The kid's gone off 100 miles an hour.
Little or no groundwork, no convincer, no Plan B.
Come on, give him credit, he's played it well so far.
Come on, Mick.
You know as well as I do.
There's a huge gulf between setting up a long con and actually walking away clean.
I know.
Which means you've got a decision to make.
Which is? If it's going down the pan, do you bail him out? Or do you let him fail, to teach him a lesson and win the bet? Even if that means you going back to prison.
Hello.
Howard.
Yeah, the land's worth 210.
I think Martin's latest offer was 420.
Yeah.
450 should do it.
Okay.
What time? Yeah, that's fine, I'll be there.
All right, bye.
We're on.
Hello? Mr.
Jennings.
Yes, hi.
At 10:30.
And the address? Right.
I'll be there.
Bye.
Hello? Howard? Okay, sure.
No problem.
And the address? Fine.
That's weird.
Why does he want everyone there? Well, I told you, didn't I? He's a control freak.
Okay.
No problem.
Ash.
Go get set up.
Better get your 50p ready.
-Right, you set? -Yeah.
Okay, 10 minutes.
This doesn't feel good.
It's Danny's call.
Howard.
How are you? Thought I'd better bring some security.
There's a lot of money in here.
All right, lads, welcome.
Here he is, Colin.
This is the man I was telling you about.
Mr.
Jennings.
This is Colin Nash.
I'm pleased to meet you, Mr.
Nash.
You look like a man who's prepared to drive a hard bargain.
Yeah, rats.
-Really? -I ain't got long.
A man after my own heart.
He tells me you're willing to beat the other bloke's offer.
Indeed, yes, there's a contract here.
And the money's in here.
In cash.
I understand you don't like banks.
No, leeches.
I couldn't agree more.
So how much you got in there, then? £450,000.
It's time.
Be careful.
So, do we have a deal? Absolutely.
Just one condition.
That I carry out a soil test.
Soil test? It's company policy.
Thank you for coming.
-I'm not exactly sure why I'm here.
-Who are they? They'll be carrying out the tests.
No one said nothing about no soil test.
No soil test, no deal.
Yeah, well hurry up, then, like I said I ain't got all day.
I've got everything I need here, it wouldn't take long.
In your own time.
I don't get it.
What exactly are you looking for? You'll see.
Well? Are you sure? Definite traces of gold.
It's my belief there was an underground stream here at some point skirting the main source and bringing the particles up to the surface.
See? Excellent.
-So do we have a deal? -It would seem so.
Just one more bridge to cross and then we can sign.
What bridge? Okay.
Howard, if you're messing me about, I'll go.
The thing is, Paul it occurred to me this might all be part of some elaborate con.
-Con? -Surely you've heard of a confidence trick.
For example, say you were all part of the same gang? How would I know? I haven't met any of you until this week.
So for me to part with a briefcase full of cash to people I've known for less than a week would be pretty stupid, wouldn't it? And I'm not.
Stupid, that is.
So I thought I'd better get some insurance.
You see, the Professor has just told me there are gold deposits here.
Gold? That's right, yes, your boss was very secretive, wasn't he? Although you knew where the land was and how much he'd offered.
So now I do my own tests.
And if they don't find anything five minutes after you've assured me there was gold then I'd have to assume you were about to con me.
No one leave.
When they don't find gold, I've got a feeling he's going to be very pissed off.
So if you tell me which way you're going to run I can make sure we don't bump into each other.
Shit.
-I really hope Danny's got a Plan B.
-And C.
What's all this, then? Won't take long.
-Vermin.
-Are you quite finished? Have to burn them.
Hey, what the bloody hell's all this? Do you know I thought you might make an appearance.
Paul? This is my deal.
-You have no idea what you're doing.
-Look.
Mr.
Jennings has topped your offer, it's been accepted.
Get over it.
You're fired.
You just happened to be passing, I take it? No.
I wasn't just passing.
Dorothy told me he was here.
We've done the deal.
I'm here to make another offer.
Mr.
Nash, now, I have another offer that I really think you should consider.
Boss.
Okay.
We're screwed.
I take it he got Albert to do a test first.
How did you know that? That's the only way he'll know for certain if it's a con.
So what are we going to do? Looks like you've got yourself a deal, Mr.
Nash.
If you could sign there.
Thank you very much, Mr.
Nash.
Looks like you've been pipped at the post, Golden Balls.
Sorry about all that other stuff, but you never know who to trust.
Paul, about the job.
I've decided to keep Nick on after all.
Sorry.
Can someone explain to me what just happened? -He found gold.
-How? Well I guess the Jubilee site had to be somewhere.
But that means this place could be worth millions and we just flogged it to him for a poxy 450K.
You win some, you lose some.
That was intense.
Let's get out of here.
I just still don't get it.
It would have been a terrible, terrible thing.
But.
Strangely.
My sex life would have been a terrible thing.
Do you know I could get used to this.
A quiet Danny.
Silence is golden.
Having a good laugh, are you? Everybody having a good laugh? Okay, where's my 50p? And I want a letter.
-A letter? -Yes, I want a letter signed by you apologizing for underestimating me and stating uncategorically that I'm the better grifter.
You lot can witness it.
Eddie, paper on the bar, squire.
Thank you.
I'd happily do that, Danny.
If you'd won the bet.
-Did we sell the land or not? -Yes.
-Yeah, is the money in the case or not? -Yes.
Yeah, then pay up.
No, but the bet was which is the best style your unstructured, undisciplined, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants let's-all-go-to-jail madness masquerading as a long con or my professional, reasoned, covering- all-the-angles, never-get-caught style.
Bollocks.
-And that's your argument, is it? -No, my argument is the con worked -and you should pay up.
-But the con was falling apart.
We still got paid.
But only because I was watching your back.
-What? -Tell him Ash.
No, you leave me out of this.
You hadn't covered all the angles, so I had to do it for you.
How did you do that? I didn't hear you say a word.
I didn't have to.
-You remember Ash firing his gun? -Yeah.
He didn't actually shoot anything.
-All right, so the rat died of a heart attack.
-Actually it was one I prepared earlier.
-What do you mean? -He simply fired into the ground.
Why? Because he'd filled the cartridges with gold.
All he had to do was aim at the spot where the sample was about to be taken and fire, peppering the soil with gold.
-So there weren't any gold? -No.
Only what we put there.
Sorry, only what I put there to cover your ass.
Experience, science, Danny.
Covering all the angles.
Not going off half-cocked.
So I win the bet.
Yeah, well.
Whatever.
Call it a draw, all right? No, now wait a minute if I hadn't bailed you out, the whole thing would have gone pear shaped.
If it weren't for me, we wouldn't have been there in the first place.
-You owe me 50p.
Pay up.
-No, no you pay up.
-But I won.
-No, you didn't win.
You didn't win.
We made a case full of money because of me.
No, because of me, you mean.
-What about the web site? -I was going to do that.
I arranged for Albert to give you a lesson in cold reading.
What, cold reading? I knew that stuff already.
No, you did not.
Looks like it's going to be a long night.
Yes, shall we leave them to it? Why don't you just admit it, I beat you fair and square? Why don't you just admit it, all right? You were going to walk away, I made us a case full of money.
-I do hate sore losers.
-Do you? Double or quits.
-What? -I've got this great idea.
-Oh, no.
-No, bear with me.
Pigeons.
-Pigeons? -Pigeons, yeah.
Pigeons.
I read all about them.
They're worth a fortune.
Can you paint a pigeon? -I'm not even listening.
-No.
'Cause you know I'm right.
Shut up, Danny.