iCarly s02e01 Episode Script

What's wrong? Vous m'avez demandé ce que je voulais boire et j'ai dit à thé glacé au citron.
Oh, I forgot the ice.
And the lemon.
You know what's weird? What? That I keep inviting you over.
Aw man.
Aww.
Hey.
What up with the elevator? I don't know.
It keeps breaking and getting stuck like this.
Come on in.
All right.
Who's ready to do a Web show? Hi, Freddie.
Hey, Spencer.
The elevator keeps getting stuck.
Ah.
Ooh, are those cashews? I love cashews.
Why does your voice sound deeper? I don't know.
Puberty? Should I, like, call for help or something? Nah.
I think I can get out.
The problem is this machine.
What machine? It's a smoker.
A smoker? Yeah.
You know, how sometimes when you go to concerts and they have smoke all over the stage? - Yeah.
- Sure.
Well, my buddy Jeff is in a band and they needed one, so I borrowed this smoker from socko.
I can almost fit it through here.
Come on, you smoker.
Hey, we got to start "iCarly" in 10 minutes.
Where's your tech wizard friend? Yeah, where's your nerd? He'll be here in a sec.
And he's not a nerd.
But I thought you said you know him from the av club.
Yes, so? Just 'cause we're in the av club, that automatically makes us nerds? Aah.
Stupid smoker machine.
Come on.
You sure you don't want me to call for help? Yes.
Oh, no.
Wait.
Call for help.
In five, four, three, two-- - I'm Sam.
- Carly here.
And this is "iCarly.
" To start the show, Sam and I will now speed walk in a circle for no apparent reason.
And now-- hula time.
Hula, hula, hula, hula, hula, hula, hula, hula, come in.
- Ah, hello.
- Who's there? I'm Shane.
- Freddie's nerd friend? - I guess.
Over here.
Hey, the elevator's stuck.
Sorry.
Listen, I'm really late.
I need-- yeah.
Freddie's upstairs doing the show with Carly and Sam right now.
You can just take the stairs.
- Thanks.
- Wait! You're not a nerd.
You're kind of handsome.
Thanks.
Next, Sam and I will stuff blueberries up our noses.
Zoom in on this fredward.
Yeah.
This is classic stuff.
And now, I will hula dance like an idiot while Sam plays-- the trombone, baby.
Okay.
On a live Web show like "iCarly"-- you never know what might happen.
Like a friend of Freddie's just walks in.
He's brand-new at our school.
And he's gonna help us show you guys a super cool experiment.
With magnetism.
So let's meet Freddie's nice friend.
Yes, let's meet him immediately.
Come on, don't be shy.
Yeah.
Come here, whatever your name is.
His name's Shane.
Shane.
Hi, Shane.
Hi.
So you're in the av club with Freddie? - Oh, yeah.
Sure am.
- Oh, wow.
That's so awesome.
And what's cooler than a guy in the av club? Nothing.
Guys.
Guys, the Web show? Oh, right.
Up--coming up soon, Shane's gonna help Sam and me show you guys a little-- fun with magnetism.
Magnets.
Magnets.
Magnets.
Magnets.
And now, as you can see, Shane is attaching magnetic cuffs to our wrists.
And the wires from the cuffs lead to a device called-- tell them, Shane.
Magno-static multi-pulse flux generator.
Cool.
You're so smart.
Now, I will put one foot into a bucket of vinegar.
Hmm.
Yes.
And I will put my foot into a bucket of goat's milk.
Power it up.
Powering up.
And now, watch what happens when we touch our tongues to each end of this crystal rod.
Isn't this cool.
Ta-da.
Hey.
Either of you guys seen Shane? - No, why? Is he coming by here? - What time? Well, calm down.
I was just wondering if you saw him.
- I needed to give him back his flash drive.
- Let me do it.
Okay.
I'll handle it.
Crazies.
So, you kind of like Shane, right? Yeah.
Do you think it'd be crazy if I ask him out? Well, no.
It's just that-- what? You think he'd think I was being too pushy, too desperate? No.
Well, tell me what you're thinking.
I was thinking about asking him out.
Oh.
Yeah.
I think the only way to be fair here is to honor the girl code.
So, whoever saw him first-- - gets to date him.
- Agreed.
Good.
So I'm gonna ask him out.
Okay, stop.
I guess it's kind of hard to tell.
Yeah.
I saw him first.
I saw him first.
- Well, play it back frame by frame.
- Yeah.
Frame by frame.
- I just said frame by frame.
- I also said it.
All right.
Take a look.
- Okay.
- Coming up.
- About to happen.
- Here it comes.
There.
A dead tie.
So, I guess, neither of you can go out with Shane.
Oh, too bad.
Bye.
So what are we gonna do? Okay.
Who says we can't both go out with him? Don't you think the two of us going out with the same guy could be kind of dangerous? No.
It's not like we're talking about marrying the guy.
Okay.
And you know why this is gonna work? - 'Cause we're best friends.
- Uh-huh.
And we're never gonna let some guy wreck that.
- Not in this lifetime.
- No way.
- We're gonna be super mature about this.
- Yup.
Good.
I'm gonna call Shane right now and ask him out.
Not without your cell phone, you're not.
Sam.
I was just kidding.
I know.
Give me back my SIM card.
So you think it will work now? Should.
Rewired the buttons.
Reset the gears.
- Greased the shaft.
- Right.
- Should run fine now.
- Great.
Is everybody okay? What was that crash? We're fine.
The elevator just dropped nine floors to the basement.
Yeah.
How would I get down there? I don't know.
I guess the stairs.
Can you show me the stairs? Yeah.
If you promise not to fix 'em.
Hey, you guys hear that huge crash? Everybody's a critic.
Hey.
Hey.
Where have you been? We got a ton of "iCarly" stuff to rehearse.
Oh, I was just getting my homework done early.
You were getting your homework done early? For what class? The--you know, the one with the teacher who says things.
You can tell me if you were with Shane.
Remember, we're gonna be mature about this.
- Okay, I was with Shane.
- Fine.
Where? - He bought me a smoothie.
- Oh, cool.
He bought me a smoothie last night.
Oh, nice.
What size? Medium.
- Aww.
- That's all I wanted.
Did he tell you that you have a cute nose? No.
Interesting.
Why? Did he tell you you have a cute nose? Oh, maybe.
I don't remember.
Yes.
Did you feel his arm muscles? No.
Well, they're large.
You didn't feel his arm muscles.
Yes, I did too.
He told me that he can beat his dad in arm wrestling and I said, "no way.
" And he said, "oh, no.
It's true.
" And I said, "wow, you must be really strong.
" And he said, "well, I work out a little bit.
" And I said, "really?" And he said, "yeah.
You wanna feel my biceps?" And I said, "sure, I do.
" And so I felt them and they felt awesome.
I think that's great.
Good.
But wouldn't it just be easier if you wrote "I'm desperate" on your forehead? - You take that back.
- You take it back.
- Take what back? - Well, I don't know.
Just take it back.
- Stop dating Shane.
- You stop.
- No.
- I saw the boy first.
We saw him simultaneously.
You're just jealous 'cause he said I had the cute nose.
When he said that, did he also mention that booger in it? There's no booger in my nose.
Well, I don't even care 'cause I have a date with Shane tonight.
- Obviously.
- What's that supposed to mean? Why don't you ask your new helping bra? That's it.
I'm out of here.
This is my house.
There's nothing wrong with a little help.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- I feel really bad about our fight.
- I do too.
I brought you some makeup cookies.
Try one.
You try one first.
Okay.
I can't believe you think I'd poison the cookies.
Well, with me out of the way, you'd have an all-access pass to club Shane.
- Mmm, really good.
- Thanks.
Hey, hey.
I see cookies.
Go for it.
Ooh, all right.
Mmm.
Who made them? Sam.
It's okay.
She didn't put anything bad in them.
Yeah, but when was the last time Sam washed her hands? So, what are we gonna do about this whole Shane thing? - I don't know.
- Well, I thought you guys decided you'd both date him.
- We did.
- Not workin' out too well.
Okay, so why don't you just let Sam date Shane and you find someone else to date? - Why? - 'Cause I'm lonely and available.
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
- We got an av club meeting.
- Oh, right.
Hey, Carly.
Hey, Sam.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Let's go.
Whoa, whoa.
Uh, your hair looks a little weird in the front here.
- It looks fine.
- Uh, you made it worse.
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't.
- See, it looked fine-- --this way.
Guys.
Guys.
Come on, Shane.
I'll--I'll see you later.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Bye.
- Call me.
- Text me.
Okay.
Obviously, only one of us can date Shane unless we wanna end up murdering each other.
- So, we flip a coin? - Nah, I don't think we should decide this randomly.
Then what? We let Shane pick? Yes.
I got it.
Go.
Whichever one of us Shane kisses first gets to date him.
Rules? We can't kiss him.
He has to kiss one of us.
- Terms of the kiss? - It has to be lips to lips-- I enjoy lips to lips.
--And it has to last at least three seconds.
- Or longer.
- Yes.
Longer would be nice.
How long do you think it'll take before the elevator's fixed? I don't know, three or four.
Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months? Yeah.
Maybe five.
Five what? Look, buddy, I'm just a dancer.
You're not a dancer.
Five, six, seven, eight.
I'm sorry.
Not for $9 billion.
Don't worry.
I don't wanna kiss you, but I do want you to win this Shane contest.
You don't want me to win.
You just want Carly to lose.
That is-- true.
'Cause if you're dating Shane, that'll make Carly want a boyfriend.
Then, I get-- - here he comes.
Go, go.
- But we got to figure out how we-- - no.
Go, go.
- Okay, fine.
Oh, hi, Shane.
Oh, hey, Sam.
A kissing booth? Uh-huh.
Yeah, what, uh, charity does the money go to? Oh, you know, that charity that helps old people become less-- irritating.
Well, I'd love to help out.
You know, I left my wallet in my locker.
Ah, Bobby, come here.
What? Loan Shane a dollar.
Uh, o-okay.
Oh, hey, later, okay? If I'm late to class again, Mr.
kaplan will kill me.
But-- I don't think I have a dollar.
What can I get with 50 cents? I'll spit on you.
Deal.
Get out of here.
Shane.
Come on in.
Um, if we're gonna catch the movie, we should go now before the-- you know what? Let's just blow off the movie and hang out here.
Uh, sure.
Let's sit down on the couch.
- Okay.
- Iced coffee? Thanks.
- Use the coaster.
- Okay.
Uh, I don't see where-- oh, under the blue folder.
Oh, there they are.
"A chance for rom ance," an original play by Carly Shay.
Yeah.
I didn't know you write plays.
Well, I do sometimes.
Anyway, um, I'm gonna perform this one in class, but I can't find anyone to rehearse it with.
Oh, well, uh, you know, I've been in a couple of plays.
Okay.
Oh, look, here's another copy.
Page nine.
You start.
Okay.
Mabel, you look so beautiful in the moonlight.
Oh, Bruno, thanks.
You rock for saying that.
Mabel, I love you.
I love you, too, but our parents, they'll never let us be together I know, but still, we have this moment here, now.
But what if someone should see us? Shh, shh, shh.
You talk too much.
It says that Bruno kisses mabel passionately for at least three seconds.
Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
It sure does.
I don't know if it's okay-- oh, this is acting.
We're being actors right now, and a good actor always follows the script, right? Here, I'll take it from-- but what if someone should see us? Okay.
Shh, shh, shh.
You talk too much.
Hey, look! What? I made toast by leaving a piece of bread in the sun next to a mirror and some tin foil.
- No way.
- Yeah, come look.
I'll show you my rig.
Cool.
Here he comes.
Sam.
Oh man, she's unconscious.
Hey, what's wrong with Sam? I don't think she's breathing, but I don't know what to do.
You better take over.
Come on, you know how to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Yeah.
I was certified in cpr last year.
- Well, get to it, man.
- Okay, okay.
Um-- out of my way.
Give me some room.
Move.
Wait.
I'm feeling better.
Just hold still.
I'm fine, all right? I'm gonna report you to the principal for impersonating a sick person.
What is your name? Rebecca berkowitz.
I'll text you later.
I'm back.
The electricity still out? Uh, yeah.
Here, have a strawberry.
Thanks.
So, where were we? Uh, can we take a break? I can't really see my book in this light.
Sure.
That's a great idea.
You're full of great ideas.
How is the stereo working? What do you mean? You said the electricity was out.
Oh, right.
Well, I guess some of it came back on.
- But if the stereo-- - Ow, ow, ow.
- What-- - Um, there's something in my eye.
Oh.
Uh, can you see anything? There might be an eyelash in there.
Uh, look in my eye.
It's hard to see in this light.
Oh, then I'll get closer.
See anything weird? Uh, no.
But-- but what? But you have a really pretty eye.
Yeah? You think so.
Uh-huh.
What up? What up? What up? Wow, it's so dark in here.
Uh, foul.
- What foul? - You intentionally sabotaged my moment.
- How could I intentionally sabotage-- - Shane was totally about to kiss me.
Really? - Girls-- - You know what you did? - No, no, I know what's the deal was.
- This isn't fair.
It's not fair.
You sabotaged me.
Girls.
I don't know what's up with you two, but I've had enough of it.
I've seen girls get competitive over a guy before, but you two are out of control.
- Wait, shane-- - You girls call me when you learn to be a little more-- he looks so broken.
Poor Shane.
He'll be all right.
How long before he's up and around? Hard to say.
It could be three, four.
Days? Weeks? Maybe five.
Dr.
lindy, 03.
I gotta get that.
Don't stay too long.
Dr.
lindy, pick up 03.
Let's never compete over a guy ever again.
- Never.
- Good.
Well, come on, the hospital cafeteria has turkey fingers.
- I'm up for food.
- Surprise, surprise.
I win.