Kickin' It (2011) s02e01 Episode Script

I told you, Rudy.
I can't break a board.
Okay look, let's just try one last thing.
Close your eyes and use your imagination to break a board, and then you can try to break one for real.
All right.
hiyah! Yes! I did it! Hey, where have you guys been? You're an hour late.
I was over at build-a-bunny.
Look what I made for my lady.
This is gonna make her absolutely plotz.
Wahh! I just went over to stickyhons.
And I did them both.
Oh, okay.
It must be nice! Just brambling about the mall, living la vida loca.
I wouldn't know because I'm here 24-7-- teaching classes, paying bills, sucking the sweat stains out of these mats.
Which reminds me-- I gotta get a vacuum.
Bobby called earlier and sa he was coming by.
What?! Quick, get your gis on.
I don't want to miss Bobby's big entrance.
- Oh yeah.
- Totally.
Bobby doesn't make those entrances anymore.
He's really started to embrace his role as a leader, a mentor, a dignified zen master.
Whoo hoo! Whoo! - Word to the se: Never buy a jetpack at a garage sale! Bobby, what brings you to our dojo? Let me show you.
May I present a teaching machine so advanced it will revolutionize karate as we know it.
Whoa! I give you the wasabitron 3000.
Okay, if this thing has a vacuum attachment, I'm gonna plotz! Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me and we could have a ball,run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go,let's start the party chop it up like it's karate everybody don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me? and we could have a ball,run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
That was technically flawless.
You are a model of efficiency.
Wow, you hear that, Jack? It called me flawless.
My mother has a very strict no-sparring-with-robots policy.
I have a note in here somewhere.
Rabbits, rodeo clowns,Rabbis-- Oh, here it is: Robots.
This note is a forgery.
Eww! That was awesome.
Most productive morning ever! Thanks to our friendly Robot, I paid all my bills, filed my taxes, and now all I have left to do is get rid of my junk mail.
Ooh.
Awesome.
Hey, Rudy, check this out.
Rotate your shoulder 90 for a successful defense.
He's right.
You didn't turn your shoulder.
Whoa! Thanks, robot.
You know what?You guys in pretty good hands here, so I'm just gonna run out and get a couple of things done.
Okay? Okay, you bag of bolts, let's do this thing.
I am not programmed to spar with orangutans.
Can you believe this thing? It thinks I'm an orangutan.
Hey, not cool, man.
Not cool.
You know, I don't think I trust that robot.
Did you ever notice that in every robot movie, they always end up going bad and trying to take over? No, not every movie.
What about "Killer robots take over the earth"? In that one they-- Oh yeah, uh-huh.
I know what we need to do.
We need to download its operating system onto this flash drive and find out what makes it tick.
Yeah, you can't trust machines.
Every Wednesday night my grandmother tries to go to her knitting class, but her electric wheelchair takes her to the neon stallion nightclub.
Is that true? Dude, she rolled by the bus stop this morning and was all "Whoot-whoot! Whoot-whoo" Whoa! I think this robot is making me better.
Whoo! Great move, Jack, but I would have followed that up - With a spinning back kick.
- Ah, thanks, Kim, But I think I know what I'm doing.
She is correct.
Sorry, Jack.
Just being flawless.
Gimme some.
Hey, it's Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.
It's Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.
Answer your phone.
It's Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.
Yo, if that's milton, I need to talk to him.
- Hey, Rudy.
- Hey, Jack, Just wanted to make sure everything was okay there.
Yeah yeah, everything's great.
Good.
Hey, I'll be back at the dojo as soon as I take care of some urgent business that just can't wait.
All right, sounds good.
See ya.
Whoo hoo hoo hoo! When I put this flash drive in my computer, We'll know the truth about our robot friend.
What's it say? I don't know yet.
I just realized I got a little hummus on my keyboard.
Okay, here we go.
Oh no! The way his system is configured he can't process erratic computational variances.
Oh no no! This can't be happening! Wait, what does that mean? It means that when he realizes that humans aren't perfect, his circuitry won't accept it and he'll become unpredictable and progressively more violent.
What do we do? We must devise a plan to save all of humanity! Yes, save All of humanity.
Can we start after 7:00? I have a cello recital.
I feel great.
And that is not just the mani-pedi talking.
Hiyah! Kim, you just broke three boards! That's right.
I had no idea what I could do until this robot came along.
Hey, Rudy, check this out.
The robot taught me this amazing bokken routine.
Check it.
Hiyah! Yeah, that's not bad.
It's a good start.
I got a few tips on Whatever it is you were just doing there.
Yo, Rudy, check it.
It's all you, ro-bro.
Whoo! Yeah! Dude, that is awesome.
But I'm back now.
So I'm just gonna go change into my gi and then we can get to work, okay? Wait for me.
Bobby, hey.
Wh-- uh, what are you doing he? We're friends, right? Of course.
And friends,they can tell each other anything, right? Absolutely.
Rudy, my friend, You're fired.
What? I'm sorry.
But in the time that you've been gone, I've realized I don't really need you.
I've been gone for one day! I'm sorry, Rudy.
It's just business.
But I'm afraid you'reobsolete.
Obsolete? I'm obsolete? I will tell you who is obsolete! I am obsolete.
Again again again.
Dude, come on, I need a break! You've been pushing me hard for two days.
Hey look, here comes Kim! Train with her.
You like her.
Yeah.
Hey, robot.
You ready to train with me? Your training days are over.
You are no longer the model of efficiency.
Oh, let me guess, here we go.
Once again it's Jack.
incorrect.
It is the snack-o-matic vending machine.
You're saying a vending machine is better than me? It is perfect.
I have been extracting jolly woppers from it all day.
Here is a quarter.
Use it for g-11.
G-11? It is mints.
Your breath is-- I had a garlic knot.
Okay, two.
That thing is really getting on my nerves.
It stopped letting me practice beuse it thinks I'm a monkey.
Would you quit it? Let's go tell Rudy we want him to haul this piece of junk out of here.
That's it! Let's talk to Rudy.
This's his dojo.
Listen, before we go talk to Rudy, Could you hit g-11? Your breath is-- Aw, shut it.
Yes yes, we are the home of the robotic sensei.
Mm-hmm, he knows all major disciplines-- Karate, jujitsu, tae kwon do.
"Flung pu"? No, I've never heard of flung pu.
Sir, why are you laughing? Oh, I'm sorry, could you hold on for one second? Bobby, where's Rudy? I fired him and replaced him with the wasabitron 3000.
What? Have you guys ever flung pu-- oh, just got it! Not funny! I've been thinking about our problem.
We're going to have to fight robot power with robot power.
And this is how we're going to do it.
Behold! A bowl of fruit? What? No, this is my mother's sketch pad.
Behold! - The milt-anator.
- Ah, nice.
Together we're gonna build the most powerful robot in the history of mankind.
Oh, dude, my foot.
- My foot.
- One second.
- Let's go ice that.
- Yeah.
No no, don't do it, Isabella.
He's got a grenade behind his back! Oh no, sorry.
It was a puppy.
Nope, it was a grenade.
- Who is it? - It's Jack, Kim and Jerry.
Uh, coming.
Look, I already have an offer to personally train jean-claude van diesel for his next movie, so unless you can beat that, don't call me again.
Sorry, the phone's been ringing off the hook.
I'm getting so many job offers, It's like, "Give me some space people!" Rudy, we know you weren't really talking to anybody.
Whaaaaat? That's a remote.
You're a remote.
How's your robot sensei? making you better at karate? We're better, but we're miserable.
Rudy, we're here because we need you back at the dojo.
We all got caught up in the excitement of that wasabi wind-up toy, But, dude, that thing's not you.
The robot's a better teacher.
You guys don't need me.
- Are you kidding? - Of course we need you.
Rudy, that thing isn't our friend.
Come on, you are.
Compose yourself, big fella.
So what you guys are saying is you want me back? More thaanything.
Then I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place: I'm gonna fight for my dojo! Yes, good for you.
Go get 'em, Rudy! Adios, Isabella! Whoa.
That dude had a puppy-grenade, yo.
Whoo.
Finally! You picked a great time to go to the dentist.
I had to go.
I had a cavity.
Let me just take off my backpack.
There's no time! Our robot is ready to be brought to life! Go plug this in.
yes, milton.
I must plug this in.
That cable runs up to the antennae on the roof.
Soon the storm will be at its peak and we'll have the power we need! Yes, the time is now.
Quickly! Attach the clamps to the robot.
Yes, milton! Yes, milton! Holy christmas ns, - It's alive! - Yes.
- It's alive! - yes! Ooh oh ahh! Ow, stop! Take it easy, you.
I bruise like a banana.
You realize with one phone call I can have you turned into a karaoke machine? That result will not happen.
You fool! I just got to level eight on angry pigeons.
I detect hostility.
Prepare to defend yourself.
What? Who? Me? No no no no no, I wasn't hostile.
I was a tad miffed maybe.
Engaging in combat.
Fine.
Prepare to face The dragon.
Dragon out! Bobby, what's wrong? Oh, nothing much, Just that robot's trying to kill me! All right, time for a plan.
Let's not do anything rash.
Going in.
You cannot shut me off, monkey.
I eliminated the power-down option.
- He, uh-- he eliminated the power-down-- - we heard! Now it's time to eliminate all of you, because you will never be perfect.
Stand back, mortals.
We're here to save you all.
Mere flesh and blood is no match for a machine.
For it must be a machine that takes down a machine.
Prepare to meet the robot that I created that will annihilate this mechanical monstrosity.
Yes yes yes.
I give to you the milt-anator! Really? Really! That's it.
What do you want?? I spent all my money on jumper cables.
This has gone on long enough.
I'm throwing you out my dojo.
Get him, Rudy.
Come on, Rudy! - Go.
- Gehim! Oh! Someone dispose of your sensei.
I'm not done.
I'm just getting started.
The chances of you defeating me are over 22.
8 million to one.
Why do you continue to fight? Because I have something you don't-- Internal bleeding, a fractured tibia, and a spleen with some of my own teeth in it-- But more importantly, I got heart.
It's why I'll never quit.
- Yeah, Rudy! - Come on! Ahhh That's it.
- Come on, Jack.
- Oh oh.
Yo, how many more times do we have to this? As many times as it takes.
I did't want to do it at the first time.
These continued attacks are illogical.
Not to us.
We live by the wasabi code.
That's something that Rudy taught us.
We swear by the light of the dragon's eye to be loyal and honest and never say die.
Wasabi! Impossible code.
Wasabi code.
- Impossible - Milton, what's going on? It can't process the fact that we know we can't win, but we'll never give up.
Unable to compute.
Unable to compute.
Unable to There's something else about us humans: We don't hit a man when he's down.
But the thing is you're not a man.
I've got to hand it to you, Rudy.
That was a classy move.
I mean, fighting to get your dojo back, not kicking the robot in the motherboard.
You know what? I should probably have the other robots destroyed.
Rudy, can I have my jetpack? Fine, I'll take the bus! Guys, I just want you to know that as long as you're a part of this dojo, It'll always be worth fighting for.
Get in here! Ew, what's that smell? It's Kim's breath.
It is not! My breath is fine.
Hey, why don't you shut up? This is great! You know, milt-anator, You weren't much of a robot, but you're a heck of a vacuum.
That's weird.
It's not turning off.
You don't scare me, puny little vacuum.
I've seen what you can do.
Did you just squirt oil at me? Okay, let's do this.
Milton? Milton! Milton!