Lip Sync Battle UK (2016) s02e01 Episode Script

1 T Rex: 20th Century Boy Friends say it's fine, friends say it's good Everybody says it's just like rock 'n' roll Well, it's plain to see you were meant for me Yeah, I'm your boy, your 20th century toy WHISTLING AND CHEERING Ladies and gents, it's time to add some spice to your evening.
Please make some noise for the incredible Mel B.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING Welcome to the new series of Lip Sync Battle UK.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING Now the game is simple.
Two stars lip sync two songs and the audience decide who did it best.
Now the mics may be off but the battle is definitely on.
Come on! WHISTLING AND CHEERING So here's the comp on tonight's big fight.
He's always in my corner, give it up for Professor Green.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING I like this little sparkly number.
Doesn't she look wonderful tonight? WHISTLING AND CHEERING OK, so tonight is not just a matter of pride, our two stars are battling it out to get their hands on the biggest prize in showbiz.
This, our very own Lip Sync Battle championship belt.
Yes.
Now, it is time to meet tonight's guests.
First up is a man who usually is the one judging the performances, but tonight the tables have been turned.
Bringing some sparkle into the proceedings, it's Craig Revel Horwood.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING This is our diamond, and now it's time for a bit of rough.
He's an award-winning actor, a well-known 'ard man, and a true East Ender.
Raise your glasses for the one, the only Danny Dyer.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING Alright.
Alright, alright, alright, so how are you both feeling about this tonight? - I'm feeling fantastic.
- He's petrified is what he is.
- AUDIENCE LAUGHS - Are you ready to bring it and win it? I'm going to try and win it, darling, and I know inside this carcass and a shell of a very tough man lies a lovely little girl.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS Now how does it feel being the one judged and not being the judge tonight? - Hideous, actually.
- AUDIENCE LAUGHS Danny, do you think you can actually win this? Of course I can, there's no two ways about that.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING I love the fact he ain't got a desk to hide behind, he ain't got none of them bollocky paddles and all that, so, d'you know what I mean? - He's out there, he's exposed.
- Yeah.
So let's have it, let's go to war, mate.
Let's have it.
I can't wait.
Let's have it! Pro Green, what are you expecting from these two lovely lads tonight? Two very different approaches - is what I'm expecting from this evening.
- Yes.
I've actually taken it upon myself to decide who goes first.
So I thought I would choose the person with the bluest blood, and that's you, Danny.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING So, Craig, please take a seat in our VIP bar.
Come over here, you.
So why have you chosen this song that you're gonna be lip syncing for us tonight? Because they're my heroes, they're friends of mine.
- Shall I tell you what song it is? - Tell us.
- It's Fire by Kasabian.
Thanks.
- WHISTLING AND CHEERING - Hence the Serg skeleton top.
- I like it.
But, yeah, I love 'em to death and I love real music, - so I don't know what he's got planned.
- Well, you know what? Let's hope you do your mates proud.
Here's Danny Dyer with Fire.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING MUSIC INTRO Shake me into the night And I'm an easy lover Take me into the fight And I'm an easy brother And I'm on fire Burn my sweet effigy I'm a road runner Spill my guts on a wheel I wanna taste, uh-huh And I'm on fire And I'm on fire And I'm on fire I'm going, you tell me, I feel it, I say it I'm heading back into the tunnel for my soul to burn I'm on fire I'm coming, you coming, no hiding, my feeling I wanna take it to the highest over me, yeah Whoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo! WHISTLING AND CHEERING And you did the classic drop the mic.
I thought I'd drop it for him.
- Do you know what? - Right on him.
You got right into that, didn't you, and you were part of that group.
- I'm fucked, shattered.
- AUDIENCE LAUGHS - How did that feel? - I hope I done it justice.
No, I think you did it justice.
Don't you? WHISTLING AND CHEERING Um, Craig, let me ask you, are you a bit worried after that? I think I'm going to be absolutely fine after that performance.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS Just saying.
So are you basically saying - you've got a bigger, better comeback? - Yes.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS Can I say something? Bring it the fuck on.
- AUDIENCE LAUGHS - Come on up, Craig.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING - He has a lot of attitude.
A lot of attitude.
- A lot of attitude.
So, Craig, you're feeling confident, aren't you? Well, sort of.
- I'm going to see what I can do, darling - Shut up.
You're on Strictly Come Dancing.
What are you talking about? - It's in the hands of the gods now.
- OK.
So what song are you gonna lip sync for us? I'm going to do a bit of Bonnie Tyler, darling.
- WHISTLING AND CHEERING - Total Eclipse of the Heart.
I love that song.
Well, here with Total Eclipse of the Heart, it's Craig.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit lonely And you're never coming round Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit tired Of listening to the sound of my tears Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit nervous That the best of all the years have gone by Turn around Every now and then I get a little bit terrified And then I see the look in your eyes Turn around bright eyes Every now and then I fall apart Turn around bright eyes Every now and then I fall apart And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever And if you only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever And we'll only be making it right Cos we'll never be wrong Together we can take it to the end of the line Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time All of the time I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight Forever's gonna start tonight Once upon a time I was falling in love - But now I'm only falling apart - AUDIENCE LAUGHS There's nothing I can do A total eclipse of the heart WHISTLING AND CHEERING - I'm exhausted.
- I was not expecting that to happen.
How was that for you? Nerve-racking, but truly wonderful to just be at least a little bit of Bonnie.
- You were.
- AUDIENCE LAUGHS What did you make of the competition? - I think he pulled it out of the bag.
- Look Pro Green trying to, you know, suck round his arse and all that.
- AUDIENCE LAUGHS - I see what you was doing.
- Good move, good move.
- He's worried.
Pro Green, what did you think of Craig's performance? - It was emotional, wasn't it? - Very emotional.
Do you know what I really enjoyed? - What? - My contribution.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS They were both great.
You were both great.
I absolutely loved it.
I'm looking forward to round two.
Me, too.
Well, it's time for a break right now, but do not go anywhere because our fighters will be stepping back into the ring as they try and get their hands on that belt in round two of tonight's Lip Sync Battle UK.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING WHISTLING AND CHEERING Welcome back to Lip Sync Battle UK.
Time for round two, where our stars up their game and do whatever it takes to get their hands on the ultimate prize, the Lip Sync Battle championship belt.
But first let's pause and take a look and see how Danny prepared for tonight's show.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING Are we ready to do this? For fuck's sake, it's taking fuckin' forever.
So, yeah, I've got a swear jar, which I'm trying to cut back on the swearing and stuff.
I think it's bollocks to be honest.
I was born to do this, you know, be a fuckin' rock star.
I'm right up for this, Craig Revel fuckin' Horwood, I'm telling you that now.
There's no way in the world I will lose to Craig fuckin' Revel Horwood.
It's quite easy to get in his nut.
I love a bit of bat and ball, so see what he's got to throw at me.
Let's go to war.
- Mr Dyer, are you in there? - Yeah.
What do you want? I hope you're ready for a whipping.
- Get ready to get your arse spanked.
- HE GASPS I don't understand how he's had time to rehearse cos he ain't left the makeup room.
He's been in there all day getting caked in something.
I don't know if he's coming out as the Grinch, I don't know what the fuck he's doing.
I'm sure he'll be doing his dancey moves, you know what I mean? I'm sure he's gonna do the caterpillar or something bollocky.
Can I get away with that one? I've basically spunked all my fuckin' wages for for this job.
He already looks like a beaten man, you know? Horrible to look at.
Of course he's my enemy tonight and he always will be.
This is going down, mate.
It's over for the geezer.
When he gets out on that stage I'm sure his arse is going to open and flap.
This is gonna go to Craig's disappointment at the end of the show.
- Bring it on, big man.
- WHISTLING AND CHEERING I go back to us I love too much It's not enough your love goes And my love grows And life is like a pie And I'm a tiny penny Rolling up the walls inside We only said goodbye with words I died a hundred times You go back to her And I go back to We only said goodbye with words I died a hundred times You go back to her And I go back to WHISTLING AND CHEERING Black Black Black Black Black Black Black I go back to Black WHISTLING AND CHEERING Look at you in your red dress.
Loving it, babe, loving it, I ain't gonna lie.
- Are you loving it in that dress? - Yeah.
Just like for myself, d'you know what I mean? AUDIENCE LAUGHS - Are you a big Amy fan? - Yeah, I love Amy, yes.
She's a beautiful thing, it's beautiful, - so missed always.
- Yes.
What did you think of this? OMFG.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS Pro Green, what are your thoughts on what Danny just did? - I'm speechless.
It was incredible.
- I think he wants a bit of me.
- Yeah, I think he does.
- Definitely in a red dress, you.
Now before we see, Craig, what you've got planned, let's take a look at how you got ready for tonight's show, shall we? WHISTLING AND CHEERING Well, darlings, there really is only one winner today.
I've discovered, of course, that I'm up against Danny Dyer, that foul-mouthed cock ney, of course, from London.
A nice pair of trotters.
Danny and I actually have a lot of history together, and he's not that tough.
He was always scared that I was going to be paddling his backside, darling.
You're gonna do a really shit performance.
- Do you reckon? - Yeah.
(MIMICS DANNY) I'm Danny Dyer, and I'm fuckin' mouthy.
Wanna hear a Danny Dyer joke? What does Danny Dyer say when he answers the phone? - No idea.
- Danny Dyer 'ere.
Because he's full of shit, darling.
I am going to be wiping my arse with you.
Danny Dyer, Danny disaster.
I am out to win.
I am like, darling, a panther.
Pffffft! You're going to be fab-u-lous.
(KNOCKS ON DOOR) Mr Dyer? - Oi.
- Oh.
- Have a bit of respect.
- He's naked.
I hope that's not going to come off.
Danny, darling, the scores are in, and I award you a two.
WHISTLING AND CHEERING MUSIC INTRO Baby, can't you see I'm calling A guy like you should wear a warning It's dangerous I'm fallin' There's no escape, I can't wait I need a hit Baby, give me it You're dangerous, I'm lovin' it Too high, can't come down Losing my head spinning round and round Do you feel me now? With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride You're toxic, I'm slipping under With a taste of a poison paradise I'm addicted to you Don't you know that you're toxic And I love what you do, don't you know that you're toxic WHISTLING AND CHEERING Oh my god! Craig, can I just say you look absolutely gorgeous.
- WHISTLING AND CHEERING - Gorgeous.
Thank you, darling.
I'm guessing this isn't the first time that you've performed in heels.
I've never worn a heel before in my life, darling.
ALL LAUGH Danny, now you've seen what you've seen, are you a little bit worried? Respect.
That was proper.
But he's a dancer, isn't he, at the end of the day.
- WHISTLING AND CHEERING - It is proper.
It is proper.
Loved it.
Now you've seen two lovely ladies in dresses.
If you had to, which one? - Me? - AUDIENCE LAUGHS I'll be honest, I love a bird who loves a pint and a fag, so I'm with Danny.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS OK, this is crunch time.
Danny, come and join me.
And Professor Green, the belt, please? MUSIC PLAYS So you've heard what Pro Green thinks, but, audience, you decide who wins, OK? So, is the winner Craig? LOUD WHISTLING AND CHEERING Or is the winner Danny? WHISTLING AND CHEERING It's really, really close.
You're the deciders, so you decide.
Is it Craig? LOUD WHISTLING AND CHEERING Or is it Danny? LOUD WHISTLING AND CHEERING OK.
So the winner and Lip Sync Battle UK champion is - Craig! - WHISTLING AND CHEERING Oh, my god, I love it.
Hey.
This was the closest, this was the closest.
It's never been that close before.
It's never been that close but, you know, you can have some final parting words to Craig - if you want.
- No, respect, respect.
Well played.
- Well played, that was fuckin' brilliant.
- WHISTLING AND CHEERING They were brilliant.
Craig, how do you feel holding that belt? I feel absolutely a-ma-zing.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS I want this to be my new look for Strictly next year.
- It looks amazing.
Yes.
- You really do.
I might even have the whole job done, you never know.
ALL LAUGHS That was a hardcore battle tonight, that was really hard.
It was.
I said I expecting different approaches, and yet here they are, - dressed as women.
- I know.
There you go.
Well, that is all we've got time for, but we'll be back soon for our next Lip Sync Battle UK, - and until then it's bye from me.
- And it's bye from me.
BOTH: Goodnight.
Friends say it's fine, friends say it's good Everybody says it's just like rock 'n' roll It's plain to see you were meant for me Then I'm your boy, the 20th century toy