Lizzie Mcguire (2001) s02e01 Episode Script

School is actually a reality game show.
People get voted out, and just when you think you have the rules figured out they change.
Don't you think if a bridge made out of toothpicks can hold 180 pounds, I should get an "A"? But, no.
Since Mike Barto's father is an engineer, he brings in a bridge that can hold a circus elephant.
And I'm left holding a B-plus.
Um, is it just my imagination or No, when did this happen? I don't know.
You know, maybe there was some memo that we didn't get.
That's all right.
I wasn't talking.
Look around, Gordo.
Do you notice anything unusual? Everyone's paired off.
It's like Noah's Ark with fluorescent lighting.
It's out of nowhere.
A school-wide epidemic-- the love bug.
And everybody's bit but Miranda, Gordo and me.
Great.
Paul O'Neill, Paul O'Neill please let there be a Paul O'Neill.
Dad, I'm going to need an advance on my allowance.
Absolutely not.
He's already well into next year.
Don't think I'm not keeping track, buddy.
Jo, he's making an investment.
You know, my own baseball card collection is worth a small fortune.
"Small" being the operative word here.
But, mom I only need one more Yankee player and I got the whole team.
That's what they do.
They make less of one so that you'll buy more cards to try and get it.
They're vultures, son.
They want to grab you by the throat and squeeze you for every penny you're worth.
Don't give up.
Did you hear about Craig Gable and Stella Vance? No way! She's, like, a foot taller than him.
I know but I saw her in bio, and she was writing all these notes and dotting her Is with little hearts.
You know what I think? It's a full moon.
My mom says weird things always happen when there's a full moon.
Or, maybe it's because Valentine's day is next week.
Who celebrates Valentine's day? That's, like, the doofiest holiday ever.
I don't know, maybe we're supposed to.
Only maybe no one wants to celebrate with us.
That's horrible.
Yup, I bet that's it.
No that can't be it.
You think? Collecting? Mom, it's the paperboy! Where's my purse? No, I'll get it.
Face the facts.
I mean, even Joyce Lutz has a boyfriend.
I have to wonder is there something wrong with me? No.
Is there something wrong with me? Uh hold on, okay? Lizzie, was that a "no"? Did you say "no"? Are you listening to me? Um, I'm sorry I forgot to turn my ears off.
Hey, Ronny.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Oh, no problem.
I'll see you next week? -Okay.
-All right.
Wait! Here.
Lizzie, was that a "no"? Wait a second I have to finish my route.
You know, I think it's really rude eavesdropping like that.
Well, I think it's really rude ignoring someone in your doorway.
Well, it's not like you came to see me.
How do you know? What? How do you know I wasn't there to see you? Did you come to see me? No, I was just doing my job.
See, now you're giving me a hard time for absolutely no reason.
Oh there's a reason.
Okay, well, what is it? If you want to find out, you have to wait.
This is one of my stops.
Fine, then.
I'll wait.
You will? Um, I'll be right back then; don't move.
Well, if a car comes, you can move.
But to answer your first question there's definitely nothing wrong with you.
If you believe We've got a picture-perfect plan We've got you fooled 'Cause we only do the best we can And sometimes we make it And sometimes we fake it But we get one step closer each and every day We'll figure it out on the way.
Lizzie McGuire S02E01 First Kiss Okay, so what happened last night? You hung up on me, you never called me back Okay I'll only tell you if you agree to the cone of silence.
We're in the "cone of silence.
" Go.
Okay I think, maybe I think I like someone.
Lizzie, everyone knows about your crush on Ethan Craft except maybe Ethan Craft.
It's not a crush.
And it's not Ethan.
It's not Ethan.
No.
His name is Ronny Jacobs and he goes to Jefferson.
He's cute and funny and he plays the guitar.
Wait, wait, wait.
How do you know someone I don't know? Well, he's our paperboy.
But he said he's always wanted to talk to me and last night he finally did.
What's going on? Oh, Lizzie's in love with her paperboy.
Cone of silence! Cone of silence! I believe the words are self-explanatory.
Well thanks a lot, Miranda! Oops.
That's the last time I'll be telling you anything.
Anybody got Paul O'Neill? I'm ready to give away the store.
I got Jeter.
I got Clemens, though.
I've got O'Neill.
It exists! Ouch.
Pass.
And I'll do your homework for a week! I can do my own homework.
Name your price.
I'll get back with you.
Good morning, Mom, good morning, Dad.
I love the morning paper.
Don't you just love the morning paper? Isn't the morning paper the best thing in the whole entire world? I was going to read that.
Could I at least have the sports I have a boyfriend.
A boyfriend! A cooly, cooly, cool boyfriend! Uh, hello? Oh, we're out of vanilla.
Are you under the incredibly mistaken impression that you're having brownies for breakfast? Melina wants freshly-baked brownies for lunch today.
That's very sweet of you.
What's in the sink? Oh, Melina's fine hand-washables.
I think they need a few more minutes.
Are we having brownies for breakfast? Matt, what's going on? Well, Melina has the baseball card I want but she'll only give it to me if I meet her demands.
That's extortion.
That's brilliant.
Matt, I'm proud of you honey.
You found something you really want and you're working hard for it.
And how! Oh, time to feed Melina's pet snake.
Now, where did I put those mice? He's kidding, right? Is that him? Oh, let me see.
Cute, very cute.
I know! And look-- I'm wearing his shoelaces.
He said he wanted me to think about him today.
Like, when am I ever not? But, I didn't tell him that because I did just meet him.
That's actually kind of cool And, he's making me a tape of all of his favorite songs.
He burns all of his own CDs and he has, like, 500 hours worth of music.
And he knows all these places on the Internet Stop me if I'm talking too much about him.
And I just have to tell you this one thing he said.
It's really funny, but it's pretty wise, too and Ronny was explaining to me how everyone in the world -- everyone-- is, like, connected by six people.
Like, somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody, who knows somebody who knows Tom Cruise.
-Fascinating.
-He just knows tons of cool stuff like that.
Like, if you take He says he does it all the time.
I'm going to get some pudding.
Yeah, that sounds good.
Pudding? That's a great nickname! Maybe I'll call Ronny "pudding.
" Pudding pudding pudding pudding Did you believe her? It's like watching one of those hygiene films they show in health class.
I guess she really likes him.
Likes him? She's possessed.
She's wearing his dirty shoelaces.
What do you think it is about him? Think he's a jock? I bet he's a jock.
Now, you're going to talk about him incessantly, too? No, it's just so strange.
I mean, other than my parents Lizzie's the one person I've known my entire life.
I guess I never really thought what it would be like when she had a boyfriend.
Wait, wait.
Are you jealous? Jealous? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Wrong road.
I was trying to identify a different emotion.
Not jealousy.
Right.
I think.
I need you to pick up my dry cleaning this is what I want for lunch today and see what you can do about these pencils.
They're extremely dull.
Uh, done and, uh, done.
She's making you fetch like a dog.
No baseball card is worth it.
Oh, look.
There's a spot on my shoe.
Matt, could you take care of that for me? Absolutely.
Look away, man.
Just look away.
how I got this far Just tell me why you're here and who you are 'Cause every time I look, you're never there And every time I seek, you're always there 'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes, it's you I see You're everything I know that makes me believe £¨Michelle Branch - Everywhere£© There is there's something that I was kind of wondering about.
What's that? Do you consider us boyfriend and girlfriend? I don't know.
Do you? I asked you first.
But I think you asked me because you're looking for a certain answer.
And I don't want to give you the wrong one.
Yeah, but, if I tell you what I'm thinking I don't want to look stupid.
Me, neither.
One of us has to say something.
Well, it's not going to be me.
But I guess you should know I told my friends you were my girlfriend.
Is Is that okay? Hallelujah Yes.
Then, um Would you consider wearing this? It's all silver so it won't turn your finger green or anything.
What was the last thing I ate? Please, let it be a breath mint.
(Mandy Moore - Walk Me Home) If I was your lady And you were my friend I would put my heart in your hands And it would never end And I wondered how it would be If I was your lady Lizzie? You okay? Oh, everything is absolutely, positively completely and totally perfect.
I don't like the sound of that.
So you had a good time with Ronny? Oh, only the best.
The most awesome time in my entire life.
Okay, really don't like the sound of that.
Oh, Sam, he's a nice boy.
He's got a job and they're just friends.
It's not like they're going steady or anything, right, Lizzie? I have the right to remain silent.
Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law.
I'm watching too many cop shows.
Lizzie? You know what, it's not that big of a deal, and you said yourself he's a nice guy with a job and today he gave me a-a friendship ring.
Okay, panic.
I think I just burst a blood vessel.
FYI, Dad, every girl in my grade has a boyfriend.
Does Miranda have a boyfriend? No, Miranda doesn't have a boyfriend.
So much for that argument.
Okay, so I can't have a boyfriend because Miranda doesn't have one? No, your mother and I feel that Are you doing all the talking here? I really think it's important we're united on this.
Yeah, but the number one way to make a boy even more appealing to a girl is to tell her she can't see him.
I'm not prepared to use reverse psychology here.
I don't even understand regular psychology.
Uh, cold, freezing North Pole.
Lizzie, the mall is closing in five hours.
Ronny, I got to go, okay? Uh, no, you hang up first.
I'm not hanging up first.
It's your turn to hang up first.
I'm not hanging up first.
You hang up first.
Miranda! I'm sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Let me just call him back real fast so he doesn't think I hung up on him.
Lizzie I want you to listen to me very carefully.
This is your brain.
And this is your brain on Ronny, okay? You are losing it.
A few days ago this guy was a complete stranger to you.
Now he's all you talk about.
He's all you think about.
He's all you care about.
She has a point.
That is not true.
Exhibit A.
Your history notebook.
Uh, can I have that back, please? Take any notes yesterday? Miranda, that's none of your business.
Oh, yes, a very productive day.
You have four pages filled out with his name.
You never cared what was in my notebook before and the only reason you care now is because I have a boyfriend and you don't.
Rewind, rewind.
That came out all wrong.
No, I think it came out perfectly.
No, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment.
Nor do I have much of a best friend either.
Okay, that's it.
I did everything on your list.
The card is mine.
I've been thinking.
That's never good.
Is it really a fair trade? You'll have the entire Yankee roster but what will I have? A washed dog, a cut lawn, a fed snake, clean clothes, delicious brownies and my undying gratitude.
True.
But I'd like just one more thing.
I'm proud of you, son.
You worked hard and you achieved your dream.
And let me tell you, it was not easy.
That Melina is one tough negotiator.
If you'd like to see a real collection let me show you mine.
I've got Roberto Clemente's rookie card.
Willie Mays-- the year he started putting chicken on the hill.
I know they're in here somewhere.
Has anybody seen my baseball cards? Matt? Yes? Where are my cards? Did I mention that Melina's a tough negotiator? You gave her my cards? You gave her all my cards, all of them? Every single one? Think back, Dad a minute ago-- how proud you were of me.
You know, I am proud of you, son.
This is a very impressive collection.
Dad! And I'm sure it's going to be worth a small fortune someday.
I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it! Hey.
This what you came for, paperboy? Sam What? And in the category of most embarrassing moment of my life we have a winner.
Back off, tiger.
Um, can you come out? We need to talk.
Can I, Mom? Please? Lizzie, I don't know if you should.
Mom, please? Please, please, please, please, please? Just, just take care of yourself, okay? Okay, this is weirder than even their normal weirdness.
Oh, man.
Our daughter's about to have her heart broken.
What? Who? Where? Nobody ever tells me anything.
He just said, "We need to talk.
" Those are the four most horrible words in the English language.
Nothing good ever follows, "We need to talk.
" I don't know if you celebrate Valentine's Day but I was just saying in case you do.
Okay.
I know it's, like, totally doofy and everything but, you know, there are all these cards and stuff Lizzie, something's happened.
What is it? Is it bad? I don't know.
I I'm not, I'm not sure about some stuff.
Uh-huh? See, it turns out that there's this girl at my school who likes me.
She's right there and everything I just don't know if right now's the best time for me to have a girlfriend.
Oh.
This really, really hurts.
You like her, too? Well, you know, yeah.
But I still like you.
Maybe I shouldn't have given you that ring.
But you can keep it if you want.
No, no.
I bought it for you.
That's okay.
I don't want it.
Um, we can still be friends, can't we? Lizzie.
I'm really sorry.
Lizzie? I should go talk to her, right? There's nothing we can say.
Is there a confetti shortage? Not anymore.
Missed you at lunch today.
I'm not very hungry.
They had the big chocolate chip cookies.
I got you one.
Thanks.
Ronny broke up with me.
He's a loser.
No, Gordo, I'm the loser, okay? He likes another girl.
She's probably prettier than me and she's probably smarter than me and she's probably a lot more fun than I am.
No, she's not.
How do you know? Because there's nobody prettier than you or more fun to be with.
You forgot smarter.
Yeah, well, I was including myself in that one.
I feel so awful.
Yeah, I know, but you'll get over it whereas that guy-- he's going to realize what an idiot he was.
He's going to feel awful for the rest of his life.
You're such a good friend, Gordo.
Yeah, well, uh What? Gordo, what? Uh, nothing.
"A" camera mark.
"B" camera mark.
She took my doughnut! That's okay, it's just a family heirloom.
You okay? Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law.
Melina wants freshly-baked brownies for breakfast today.
For dinner today.
Melina wants freshly-baked brownies for lunch No! Dad!