Loot (2022) s02e01 Episode Script

[DOOR BELL RINGS]
[INTERVIEWER] Hey, Molly.
Thanks for having us.
Ready to answer 73 questions?
Is that one of them?
Just kidding. Come on in.
[INTERVIEWER] Your house is
gorgeous. Tell me about it.
Well, I sold my old
house. I'm downsizing.
So I donated the proceeds and
moved into this little beach cabana.
How many pools do you have here?
Just the five.
Come on in.
[INTERVIEWER] Are you
excited for the year ahead?
Yes, very. I'm on a
complete wellness kick.
Physical, mental, spiritual.
That's why I built this koi pond.
[INTERVIEWER CHUCKLES] Oh, my God.
That's so dope. Do you love koi?
I don't, actually. I'm terrified
of fish, but I do love to eat them.
[INTERVIEWER] So, what else
do you do to stay healthy?
Well, right now, I'm
on the Pompeii diet.
I'm eating what the people of
Pompeii ate right before they died.
Also, mental health is so important.
That's why I have an
emotional support sloth.
[INTERVIEWER] Emotional support sloth?
Mm-hmm. Wanna meet him?
[INTERVIEWER] Definitely.
Oh, hi, Molly. Do you wanna hold him?
I'd love to.
This is Arnold.
Arnold sleeps 18 hours a
night, only three more than me.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[INHALES SHARPLY] Thank you,
Nicholas. I feel so much better.
Of course. I'm on Instagram,
{nicholastheestallion.
Penis-outline pics go up on Thursdays.
- Come see the rest of the house.
- [INTERVIEWER] Lead the way.
Hey there. Did you miss me?
[INTERVIEWER] I love your dress.
What's your current fashion inspo?
Tibetan monk chic.
[CHUCKLES] Do you do any impressions?
I do a pretty good Jerry
Seinfeld at The Gap.
What's the deal with clothes?
- That's it.
- [INTERVIEWER] So good.
What's that smell?
It's actually my waterbed.
We fill it with
chamomile tea every night.
So soothing.
[INTERVIEWER] What's
your dating life like?
My dating life is on fire.
I have three very
important people in my life:
Me, myself and I.
Men are totally out.
[INTERVIEWER] So, men
are out. What's in?
Hmm, nose rings, pickleball,
and doing your own laundry.
An herb from my aquaponic herb wall?
Hmm. [SPITS]
I don't know if that one's ready yet.
[INTERVIEWER] What's your favorite city?
Margaritaville.
[INTERVIEWER] What makes you angry?
Injustice.
And drawstring pants. End of list.
[INTERVIEWER] Tell me a secret.
I'll show you a secret.
I have a hidden kitchen.
I keep David Chang in here
so he can make me food,
and so I don't have to see him.
[INTERVIEWER STAMMERS] Hi,
David. What's on the menu?
My son has a soccer game,
and I promised I'd go see him.
Men.
[INTERVIEWER] So, what's the
theme of your year in three words?
Bad-bitch energy.
Oh, look who it is. It's
time for my ab workout.
You ready to skate, Molly?
You know it, extreme-sports
legend Tony Hawk.
Skateboarding is actually
great for my core strength.
Shred to get shredded.
Hell yeah. I'm gonna
go extra hard today.
I'm gonna have to put
you in my next video game.
Oh, that would be radical.
Well, thanks for visiting.
Be careful of the sloth
poop on the way out.
Namaste, y'all.
Come on, Tony. Let's shred.
Yeah. Awesome.
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[SONGS ENDS]
You guys are still here? [CHUCKLES]
Get out of here. [CHUCKLES]
So?
Congratulations, Coz.
Forty million views.
Zendaya only got 25 mil for hers.
Really? That's great.
So, are people liking
it? What are they saying?
Let's see what's going
on down in the comments.
[STAMMERS] "Definitely doesn't look
like she's giving away her money."
"Her fish tank's bigger than my house."
"I hope that sloth bites her in the "
You know what? I'm not
gonna read the rest of that.
Well, find me a positive one.
Okay.
Hmm.
Okay, here's one. "Meet
Jewish singles in your area.
Guaranteed connection. Shalom!"
Okay. I can understand
their frustration.
Let's cool it on the interviews.
Stop telling people
your mansion is a cabana.
And why didn't you just
get on the skateboard?
They said it was all above the waist.
It's okay. We can fix it
by doing what you promised:
Giving away all of your money and
helping people. So, let's get started.
- Sorry I'm a little late, everybody.
- Oh, no problem.
Let's start with the impact report
on the Alameda Street housing site.
We have a meeting with
the deputy mayor
Sofia, shut up. Everybody,
shut up. Stop the meeting.
Arthur, what the hell is on your wrist?
[GASPS] Oh, this? This is a bracelet.
I picked it up over in Venice Beach.
Some real characters down there,
- if you've never been.
- [CHUCKLES]
What are those symbols?
[ARTHUR] Oh, this is a guitar,
and this is a peace sign.
Why would Why Why
[STAMMERS] Why are you doing this?
I don't know.
I love peace, and I've
always been a big music fan.
I mean, nothing too loud or rhythmic.
Who told you, you could wear that?
What's the big deal?
It's just a bracelet.
My youth pastor used to
wear leather bracelets.
Well, until he got
"relocated." [CHUCKLES]
There's a whole Netflix
documentary about it.
It's called Murder Church.
I'm in that documentary.
Okay, guys, enough about the bracelet.
Arthur is free to wear whatever
he would like. Let's just
Goddamn it. Is that a turquoise star?
Oh, yes. Turquoise
represents cosmic unity.
Oh, my God. I have to go. We
have to go. I have to leave.
- I have to go home.
- Okay. Let's get you home.
- I can't
- Let's get you into a bath.
I'm all right.
Okay. Meeting's over, I guess.
I'll just handle everything
myself. [CHUCKLES]
[GASPS]
What is going on? Who sent
all of these? [CHUCKLES]
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
Oh, fuck.
Hey, did you get the flowers?
Yes, John, I got them.
Had 'em flown in from Bhutan.
Guy I got 'em from said they're
the last ones in the world.
They're extinct now.
Anyway, how are you, babe?
You need to stop sending me
stuff. We're not doing this.
What happened in Corsica was a mistake.
How can you call that night a
mistake? We made love three times.
It was two and a half.
The last one was [WHISPERS]
mostly hand stuff.
I meant everything I
said to you that night.
Hailey and I are over.
That night was a sign that you
and I are meant for each other.
All I remember from that
night is being traumatized
from drinking shit water.
Hey, you don't have to
hide behind the shit water.
Look, the two of us will always
be connected. Why fight that?
I don't wanna just be your
ex-wife. I want my own identity.
Well, I'm not gonna give up on us.
Tell me what you want from me. Anything.
I want you to stop doing what
you're doing and give me space.
Okay. My therapist said I need
to work on my listening skills,
so I hear what you're saying.
Goodbye, John.
Bye. Love you.
Love you too. Damn it!
I didn't mean that last
[SIGHS]
[WHINES, SHOUTS]
Shit.
Arthur, Nicholas and I
would like to speak with you.
It's very important.
[BOTH CLEARING THROAT]
Now, we're only here
because we care about you.
We wouldn't be doing this otherwise.
- It's just, that bracelet
- It's an obvious cry for help.
I mean, is someone
forcing you to wear it?
Is this a Saw situation?
Does Jigsaw have your daughter?
Fellas, I appreciate the concern,
but the bracelet is a positive thing.
It's a symbol of a new life philosophy.
I saw it, I wanted it, and so
I bought it. I didn't hesitate.
I mean, look at it. It's totally fire.
[GROANS]
Is this about what happened in Corsica?
Is this because you didn't get a chance
to talk to Molly before John swooped in
on his helicopter [WHISPERS]
and had sex with her?
No, it is not about that.
I wasn't myself in Corsica.
The wine, the salty fish.
I watched Moulin Rouge! on the plane.
I wasn't thinking clearly.
All that Molly stuff was just
a symptom of a bigger problem,
- which I've now solved.
- Mmm.
I am living life at
full speed. No regrets.
Oh, my God. I should get
that embossed on the bracelet.
I have never been more worried
about a person in my life.
Listen, just don't
wear it at work, okay?
'Cause otherwise, I'll have to quit,
and I just got used to being
around people who look like you.
I am seeing things
clearer than I ever have.
I just do what I want.
And what I wanna do right now
is, for the first time in my life,
try a cranberry scone.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, God. I do not care for that.
It's wet and dry.
And spicy.
[MOUTHING WORDS] Spicy?
[SOFIA] Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
you can't you can't do this.
We've been working on
this thing for seven years!
I do not agree to disagree.
I will not take care. You j
[SHRIEKS]
What's wrong? Did they get
our Panera order wrong again?
That was the mayor's office.
They're canceling the Alameda
Street project completely.
- What?
- Something about polling a different agenda,
more "business-friendly."
Blah, blah, blah.
We need the city's
permission to build anything.
Bottom line is, we are fucked.
I don't understand.
We were supposed to announce
it with them tomorrow.
Well, now they're going to
announce that they're not doing it.
Oh, my God. We are fucked. I
thought you were exaggerating.
Uh, Panera just called.
They're out of bread bowls.
[BOTH] Fuck!
Alameda Street was
our signature project.
I just told everyone I was
giving away all my money.
- Dramatically.
- On television.
If we don't figure out a plan B quickly,
you're going to lose all credibility!
Okay, we are agreeing even though
we're yelling at each other!
All right. I just need to breathe.
[BREATHES DEEPLY] I'm breathing.
[INHALES DEEPLY] This is me breathing.
- Okay. [EXHALES DEEPLY] I'm good.
- Okay.
I'm good now.
We are going to figure
this out together.
I want you to get everyone
into the conference room
for a gathering thing
You know, like a group
talk session, like
Are you trying to say
the word "meeting"?
Yes, that's it. That's the word.
This is not a good start.
Okay, guys. We have 22 hours
to come up with a new idea
that will help unhoused people,
can't be stopped by bureaucracy,
and ideally would change the world
and make Bono write a song about us.
How about we sue the city and
force them to let us house people?
I know a really awesome lawyer.
He helped me out after one
of my calf implants deflated.
Well, don't look, Rhonda.
[SOFIA] That won't work.
We don't want to make the city
our enemy if we don't have to.
Okay. What if we use
space outside the city?
I mean, there is some
beautiful land out in Fontana.
R-Right by where they
found all those dead bodies.
We can't be busing people hours away
from where they wanna live. [CHUCKLES]
W-What if we put them on a
monorail like the one at Disneyland?
What exactly is a monorail?
I only know it as another
word for masturbation.
Okay. More ideas, people.
We need more ideas.
This is a brainstorming
session. No idea is too stupid.
Oh, I got it.
What if we just hire some soldiers?
Some real badass mercenary types
with names like Fudge and Pork Chop.
Then we take over a section of
downtown and declare it our own country.
Then we can help whoever
we want, however we want,
because there are no
rules in Mollyville.
Alternate name: Howardistan.
I take it back. There
actually are some stupid ideas.
[SIGHS, BREATHES DEEPLY]
- How are you doing?
- Not great.
- I have an idea.
- Thank God.
Have you ever heard
of Noah Hope-DeVore?
I think so. Is he that AI investor guy?
Yeah, he took all that money
he made and started doing this.
[PRESENTER] It's called
analytic altruism.
Noah Hope-DeVore funneled
his billions into HOPE 2.0,
an online philanthropy
platform he designed.
Hope-DeVore uses an algorithm
to effect the greatest amount of good
for the greatest number of people.
Each mosquito net is two dollars.
600 nets can save one child and
prevent a thousand cases of malaria.
It's the most statistically
optimal way to save lives.
[NOAH] And the really cool
thing is we can take that logic,
and we can apply it to every
other problem in the world too.
Hope-DeVore's mission
has some famous fans.
LeBron James, Madonna and
all four Black Eyed Peas.
Wow. He got Fergie. That
guy does sound pretty smart.
You know, I'm on the record
as not trusting billionaires,
but I think he might be able to help.
Do you think that Noah
would want to work with us?
Maybe. He's a little reclusive,
but I'll try to set up a meeting.
We can do it at my house.
I'll have the best food, the best wine.
[PRESENTER] Don't look for any
traditional office chairs office chairs
in Hope-DeVore's workspace.
He prefers beanbags.
- And the finest beanbags.
- Hmm.
["BIG ENERGY" PLAYING]
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Ooh,
I could get used to this.
It's like I'm sitting in a boob.
Howard, stop that. Noah doesn't wanna
sit on a hot beanbag. That's gross.
This is one of the
smartest guys in the world,
so let's all be on our best behavior.
Well, personally, I'm just excited
to have another numbers guy in the mix.
Oh, do you know what kind of
spreadsheet software he uses?
No, don't tell me. I
want to be surprised.
[SIGHS] Everyone, this
is Noah Hope-DeVore.
Noah. Molly Wells. So great to meet you.
Thank you for agreeing to
meet with us so quickly.
Are you kidding me? Thank you guys.
It's so unchill out there right now.
There's so few people like us
who are actually trying to
use our resources for good.
I was actually just saying
this to Sandy Bullock.
- Oh, my God. He called her Sandy.
- [WHISPERING] I know.
- That means they're friends.
- I know.
I know we haven't formally
agreed to work together yet,
but let's start a dialogue.
I got some ideas I'd really
like to share with you guys.
- Does anybody have a whiteboard?
- I do. Yeah, in my car.
- I've never seen him run so quickly.
- [MOLLY, NOAH CHUCKLE]
So obviously, the mathematics
here get a little technical,
but this is the modeling I put
together for our Africa project.
We optimized crop distribution
- by population density.
- And did that work?
We reduced hunger by
35% in our pilot region.
And do you think your
model could work for us?
Can I ask you something personal?
How much are you prepared to invest?
All of it. All 120 billion.
Wow. In In that case, definitely.
- Can I just say how fucking cool this is?
- [CHUCKLES]
You're really walking the walk.
Seriously. Can we give it up for her?
- Yeah, Coz. [LAUGHS]
- [NOAH] I mean, it's incredible.
- A disrupter.
- [CHUCKLING]
Oh, well Well, thank you very much.
I think I speak for all
of us when I say we're in.
- Yes.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- Thank you, Noah.
- Thank you.
[AGENT] FBI! Put your
hands in the air, now!
[ALL CLAMORING]
- [HELICOPTER APPROACHING]
- [AGENT] FBI!
Let's see your hands!
- [GRUNTS]
- [HOWARD] O-Oh.
What the hell is going on?
Noah Hope-DeVore, you're
under arrest for wire fraud,
wire fraud conspiracy, security
fraud and money laundering.
I took a CBD gummy last night!
I'm trying to be more interesting.
This is crazy. Why are you all so hot?
- Everyone just calm down.
- [AGENT SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
This has got to be a mistake.
[SOBBING] No, it's not.
I-I did it. I messed up.
That isn't even real math.
You have such a beautiful
home. I'm so sorry. [SOBS]
Ow, you're pinching me. Those are sharp.
- Hey.
- Hi.
How are you doing?
- I've been better.
- Mmm, yeah.
Not only was Noah not a genius,
he was actually a criminal
who stole about $50 billion.
And so, all that
algorithm stuff was just
- Total bullshit.
- [SCOFFS]
I can't believe someone
would use math for evil.
I almost gave that guy $120 billion.
Boy, I sure know how to pick 'em.
Well, you can't blame yourself for that.
Can't I, though? I mean,
look at my track record.
First John, then
Jean-Pierre, then this guy.
Yeah, but it wasn't just you.
I mean, we all fell for it.
I'm just afraid that if I
can't pull off what I promised,
all I'm ever going to be known for
is being some rich guy's ex-wife.
You are not just someone's ex-wife.
And you've got a better
head on your shoulders
than people give you credit for.
I know that, and everybody
that works here knows it too.
Well, thank you.
I always feel better
after I talk to you.
[CHUCKLES]
I think I know why.
It's the bracelet.
It's got an owl on it for wisdom.
I don't think so. It was
that way before the bracelet.
In fact, I would argue
that you should cut it off
and throw it directly into the ocean.
It sucks so bad.
- It's so ugly. [LAUGHS]
- [CHUCKLES]
[ARTHUR] You should see the
bucket hat that came with it.
[MOLLY] What?
[BREATHING DEEPLY]
[ALARM BEEPING]
Denzel? Denzel?
Howard?
What are you doing here?
Oh, Cousin Molly, have you seen a
lizard that answers to the name Denzel?
I named him after Denzel Washington,
star of The Bone Collector.
I know who Denzel Washington is.
And why would you pick that movie?
I don't know what movies you watch.
What are you doing here?
Well, you know, I could
ask you the same question.
I live here!
Okay, that's a very good answer.
What is going on here?
What is all this stuff?
I have a very reasonable,
completely understandable
explanation for all of this.
I've been secretly
living in your guesthouse
for a few weeks and never told you.
What?
What's up, Molly?
Okay. Who the fuck is this?
Who the fuck are you?
[HOWARD] Oh, this is Reginald.
He's been crashing at
my place for a while.
You don't have a
place. This is my place.
Are you who I should
talk to about the Wi-Fi?
Because that shit's slow as hell.
I mean, my Twitch followers,
they can't handle the lag.
Reginald, are you wearing my pants?
[HOWARD] After I broke up
with Tanya, she just moved out.
Left me holding the bag
on everything financially,
and I couldn't afford rent on my own.
Definitely couldn't
afford a down payment.
So, I was stuck.
And embarrassed.
So, you know, even though
I'm much younger than you,
you look up to me as a mentor.
Okay, I don't think that word
means what you think it does.
Howard, I'm your family.
I will give you whatever you
need to get back on your feet.
No. Oh, no, you will not. I
won't take a dime from you.
I will stay here for
as long as it takes.
I mean, it could be
weeks, months, years even.
Oh, boy.
I mean, you don't know
how bad it is out there.
I'm just lucky I got a rich
cousin that's got all this space
nobody was even using.
I mean, half this place
was just sitting empty.
So, I just thought it
made sense, you know?
Hmm.
Now that you know I'm living here,
I'm gonna go use one of those
bathrooms in the main house.
I need to know what they're like.
They have heated seats.
They're incredible.
[CHUCKLING] Oh, I knew it.
Thank you, Coz. I love you.
["LET ME BLOW YA MIND" PLAYING]
Sofia, I had such a good idea
last night, I had to come in early.
Well, it's 11:15, but what is it?
So, there's not enough
affordable housing in LA.
We know that. We tried to build more,
but because of all the red
tape, we couldn't do it.
So, what if we use what's already there?
- Okay.
- There's tons of space.
I looked this up last night.
In Downtown LA alone, there's, like,
ten empty hotels just sitting there.
No one is using them.
So, what if I bought them and
opened them up to unhoused people?
Just said, "You need help?
You can live here for free."
Could we do that?
I mean, if you bought those
properties, they're yours,
you can do whatever you want with them.
[STAMMERS] I think that could work.
We could put career centers in them,
health clinics
[STAMMERS] childcare.
It would be free housing
and a resource hub.
Wait a minute. Did I
actually have a good idea?
Holy shit. I think you just did.
Ooh, we could call it,
"Space for Everyone."
- I love that name. [CHUCKLES]
- Sofia, I think I feel a hug coming on.
Well, just one. It'll be a business hug.
Okay.
[GIGGLES]
This is also personal
for me. I'm counting it.
Oh, w [SIGHS] There are a
million issues to work through
and a bunch of people who
will probably try to stop us,
but, Molly, I think this
was the idea we needed.
Oh, my gosh. Actually, I
had another idea last night.
A Starbucks, but for broths.
Let's stick to the first idea.
Yes. Yes. Yep.
Ooh, we could call it "The Brothel."
I like that.
["CAN I KICK IT?" PLAYING]
[MOLLY] Hey, what's going on?
Okay. Before you look at the
TV, take all of your Ativan.
- [GASPS]
- I've spent my whole life
pushing boundaries.
Through my companies, I was
able to change the world.
But now, I want to change the universe.
So, in a couple months, I'll be leading
our Novak Aeronautics team into space.
Oh, shit.
And I just wanna take a
moment to thank the person
who inspired me to
embark on this adventure.
The person who taught me how
to listen and how to dream.
Molly, this is for you.
[CELL PHONE BUZZES]
["THE NEXT EPISODE" PLAYING]
Motherfu