Nero Wolfe (2001) s02e01 Episode Script

1 (Archie Goodwin) When leaving a place you aren't supposed to be, it's routine to consider what you have touched.
I hadn't gone to isabel kerr's apartment looking for a dead body, but i had found one.
And now i needed to ask somebody why.
The person i needed to ask, lived in a second floor walk-up on 52nd street.
At 8:18, i hit the buzzer.
(buzzing) (man on intercom) Hello? Yeah, Orrie, are you alone? Yeah, Orrie, did you get it? Alone? U go, yeah, i'm (buzzing) Orrie Cather was the reason i had visited the dead girl's apartment.
He'd given me his key and asked me to retrieve his detective's license, which miss kerr had lifted from his wallet.
What's the matter, can't you place me? Voltus est index animi, bud.
The face is the index to the mind.
Latin proverb Wolfe uses when he's showing off.
Sit down.
Good, i've often wondered.
What the hell's eating you? Is it possible you're playing me? Playing you for what? I wish i knew.
I went to miss kerr's apartment at 4:30, as agreed.
No one was in the living room, as expected.
No one was in the bedroom either because, properly speaking, a corpse is not a someone.
A corpse? That's right, about a foot over 5 feet honey-blossom blonde hair.
Oh, my god.
Is that her? Yes.
Well, then quit interrupting, 'cause Wolfe never does.
Now, she rather, it, had been there for at least five hours.
Purple spot on the arm, the leg.
Cadaveric lividities to you.
I should tell you that the idea of sticking around to get your detective's license did not appeal to me.
Now, Orrie, i could've been really nasty and opened with, "why'd you leave the ashtray on the floor"? You interested in where i've been and can i prove it? I may be the only one who knows that her being dead pulls a thorn for you.
N, and deep.
So, naturally, i'm curious.
Look at me, Orrie.
Did you kill her? No am i a sap? No, you're no mental giant but you're not a sap.
You arranged for me to be there.
Now, what if you had arranged for the cops to be there five minutes later? It would be real nice if you could sell me.
It would be even nicer if you were covered.
I'm not, i told you.
I'm tailing somebody for baskin from 7:19 until 3:35.
I was alone in the lobby of a hotel.
Yeah well, officially, i'm still curious.
What are you gonna do? What am i gonna do? Well, i'm going to have myself two servings of creme genoise.
What you do is you crush eight homemade macaroons and then you soak it are you gonna tell Wolfe? Well, i would rather not.
Saul or fred? Hey, you know what doctors call professional courtesy? Yeah.
Well, i sincerely hope you won't need any.
"It does not appear that the victim, "a former chorus girl at the ten little indians, "was employed anywhere "or engaged in any regular activity the gazettehas a way of putting things, huh? "The body was discovered by "isabel kerr's sister stella fleming Archie, do you mind? "Wife of barry fleming, professor of mathematics "at the henry hudson high school.
Mrs.
Fleming had gone to the apartment at 7:30 p.
m.
" Phooey! I thought you had an engagement at miss rowan's.
Yes, it's for 1:00.
I may skip it.
The lunch would be all right, but then, a man's gonna be reading poetry.
Whose poetry? His.
He calls it anepithon, because it's an epic.
It takes hours.
Serves you right.
Ahh i may not go.
You will.
Parched, hollow-cheeked, shrivelling, dry.
Cry aloud! On the voyage of the soul work and philosophies a false oasis in the sand at 20 minutes past four, i was in Lily rowan's penthouse trying to decide which one i would rather have play for my team, willie mays or sandy koufax.
I was leaning towards mays, because koufax's arm is too much of a gamble.
all gritty, spittle-licking sand.
My soul is questing, god and love miss rowan, there's a phone call for mr.
Goodwin.
work and philosophies, i run, gasping apparently, there's a phone call for you.
all gritty, spittle-licking sand.
My soul is questing, questing.
Shrivelled, dry Archie Goodwin speaking.
Mr.
Parker is here.
Orrie Cather has been taken into custody as a material witness in the murder of isabel kerr.
He called mr.
Parker to the police station and told him to consult with you, why? Uh i'll be there in 20 minutes.
and end all gritty, spittle-licking sand.
Ahem.
Did he kill her, or was that your personal errand yesterday? Now, now, if he said to consult me i need to know exactly what he said.
Mr.
Parker, if you don't mind.
Certainly.
Mr.
Cather only told me that he did not kill her and that i should see you and that you should decide, if you can, what to tell me.
Ah-ha, oh, that's just dandy.
Don't you play bridge on sundays? Yes, the call from mr.
Cather intruded.
I was holding a king-queen-jack of spades, an outside diamond.
Good chance to make a baby slam.
Then the call, went back to the table butchered it.
Terrible, terrible tragedy.
You must be very, very heartbroken.
Ahem, well, i suggest you go back to the table and resume your rubber and try again.
I am going to report to mr.
Wolfe because i would rather have him glare at me while i tellhim than you glare while i tellyou.
May i ask one thing, to be regarded as a question of privileged communication? Did he kill her? Even granting that i know it would not be privileged, mr.
Parker, as i am not your client.
Mr.
Parker, apologies for the kiboshed baby slam.
We'll speak with you soon.
All right, here it is.
Orrie called me on friday afternoon.
He asked me to meet him for dinner.
Seems he was up a stump.
He was set to marry this airline stewardess named jill hardy, but another woman named isabel kerr objected.
I'm done! I was asked by Orrie to go to the apartment of isabel kerr and retrieve some personal items that he left, including his detective's license.
She had the idea he was the father of the baby she was expectinghe was and ought to marry her.
She intended to use the license as a club.
The idea was that i go to isabel's apartment and retrieve Orrie's detective's license while isabel was at the movies with her sister.
And you agreed to this? I didn't care for it much but for years, Orrie has come in very handy for us.
I said to Orrie, "n until i had the whole picture.
Isabel kerr had been rescued from earning her own keep and installed in a cozy nest.
Now, Orrie claimed he didn't know the name of the rescuer but i insisted, so he told me, avery Ballou.
Ah, the president of the federal holding corporation.
And she took up with Orrie Cather.
Uh, yes, i accept that.
You know, women don't fall for Orrie as fast as he thinks they do, but he is no baboon.
And today you actually went to hear a man read poetry.
You're sore, you want a target, i'm not it.
Well, confound it.
The question is, did he kill her? I pass.
Was he bearing guilt when you sat across from him at dinner? You know, murderers have sat across from you in this very chair and they've left with you still guessing.
Well, you like to give odds, don't you, what are they? Even money, i'll take either end that is, of course, ignoring my personal preference.
Which is? I'd rather not see a headline, "Wolfe's assistant convicted of murder.
" People might think it was me.
All right, get saul and fred here, immediately.
By quarter to 10, Wolfe was making a speech.
Saul and fred had been briefed by me and knew everything but the name of isabel kerr's good fairy.
If Orrie killed that woman, we are not obliged to thwart the agents of justice.
If he did not kill her, i have an obligation i can't ignore.
You know i have no affection for him.
So the question is, is he capable of murder? Did he kill this woman? Fred? Hmm? You'v Orrie longer than i have.
What do you say? Oh, jesus oh, that's helpful did he kill her? I say, he didn't.
Is that your considered opinion? To be honest, no.
Orrie's always done whatever he felt like with women and, uh, they've let him.
So, if this isabel kerr got in his way, you know, really blocked it.
Well, i don't know i mean, i think i know.
He didn't.
That's hardly decisive.
Saul? No.
Is that an opinion or a gesture? It's a conclusion, i make it 50 to 1.
I'm not saying i'm superior to Archie.
He's just not conceited enough to see it.
Oh, that's flummery.
No, sir.
Say he did plan to kill her.
That means, when he was planning the break-in with Archie on friday night, he was setting Archie up to find the body.
There's no way he would deliberately arrange to sit facing him and frame a deal like that.
All right, all right, cross it off.
And, uh, she stung him, he flipped.
And he killed her, okay.
He goes back to his tailing job.
Mr.
Wolfe, did Archie get any phone calls yesterday? Mmm, no.
That's what settles it.
Good, wonderful.
Explain.
What's Orrie's worst fault? (chuckles) He's pushy, he pushes.
Exactly.
And you called him.
If he had killed her, he wouldn't wait for you to call.
He'd have pushed, he would have called you.
Damn it, he's not some stranger that we have to guess about.
We know him like a book.
Mr.
Wolfe, if you wanna use me, it's on me.
Expenses included.
I have no more affection for Orrie than you have but i wanna back up my vote.
Me too, i voted no.
Trouble is, i'm personally involved.
I'd hate to embarrass saul, so, i guess i'll have to switch and vote no, too.
(sighs) It was hard to take the idea of working for nothing.
All right, we'll have to begin with banality.
Who are the other tenants of the building? E see Archie enter who are the other tenants or leave yesterday afternoon? N come an issue.
Nter who are the other tenants or leave yesterday afternoon? E you you will see someone? Who? Uh, i guess, the future mrs.
Orrie Cather, if she's available.
I appreciate your offer, saul and yours, fred.
But this undertaking is mine and, uh your usual rates and of course, your expenses.
Confound it, i'm going to bed, good night.
Archie, there's a miss hardy here to see you.
Hardy was not that she was hard to find, but that she was flying to rio at noon.
She came by the office on her way out of the country.
Miss hardy.
Please.
You look a little like Orrie.
Ah, no, no, no, he's handsome, i'm not.
But i'll tell you what, seeing you, i can understand why he'd want to merge.
Oh, yes, yes, indeed.
I'll congratulate him again when i see him.
When will you see him? Possibly, this afternoon.
When did you see him last? What could he know about this girl's murder? He wasn't when'd you say you saw him last? You're supposed to be Orrie's close friend but you don't seem to know much.
And you are really tops at ignoring questions.
The cops don't hold a man without bail 'cause he knows things.
They're holding him 'cause they think he killed her.
No.
Oh, yes, and when they hear about you, they're gonna want to know where you were saturday, what you were doing.
That's the way their minds work.
That's they way my mind works.
So, where wewhat were you do ing? You wouldn't talk like that if Orrie was here.
Oh, yes i would.
He wouldn't like it, but he'd understand.
Miss hardy, i like your looks, i like your voice.
But, for the third time, i'm gonna ask you, where were you on saturday and when did you see Orrie last? What could he have as a motive? Ask the police, miss hardy, not me.
Saturday, i was at home in bed until two.
I'd been on a flight from caracas that didn't touch down until 3:00 a.
m.
I saw Orrie for dinner at a restaurant.
I have to answer so many questions when i'm in the air that when i'm on the ground, i don't listen.
Now get up and put your arms around me.
It was an order, and i obeyed.
I tried to decide whether she knew she was in trouble and was trying to enlist me, or getting started on me in case Orrie got eliminated permanently.
(knocking) Oh, uh come on, let's go! All right, this is a cop i happen to know and since you're in no hurry to talk you will kindly duck right this way.
But i have to get to the airport.
If he sees you, you won't be going ae.
Now, you're going to stay inside here until he is safely inside the office, then you can make your move.
Ah, mr.
Cramer.
Have you turned Orrie loose yet? No, not yet, and not soon.
Unless you give me a damn good reason, can you? Sure, mr.
Wolfe is gonna look into it.
That's what you want to know, isn't it? If he's going to horn in.
He's gonna horn in, that's what you came to ask, right? Aw, nuts, where is he? I came to get information.
Ah has Cather ever spoken to you about isabel kerr? Uh, pass.
Has he ever spoken to you about jill hardy? No comment.
(banging) No comment? Hmm uh-huh, no comment, huh? No comment.
You can't geith it, Goodwin.
Man who's charged can clam up, you're not charged.
Ah, i feel a yawn coming on.
I came to tell Wolfe, but i can tell you.
Before someone decides to kill somebody, he should make damn sure that she wasn't keeping a diary.
It would have been a shame to such an exit line i didn't .
Mr.
Pinter writes that deer season has begun.
We should reply.
Get your notebook, Archie.
Miss kerr kept a diary.
How did you pry it out of him? Out of who? Mr.
Cramer, of course.
How did you know it was cramer? You were up with your orchids, did you peer over the roof? You were up with your orchids, did you pof course not.
Oof? Who else would be in possession of such a detail? Anyway, as i was saying, she kept a diary.
I doubt her last entry was, "he's reaching for the ashtray and is gonna hit me over the head with it.
" We do not need a diary to tell us it was handy for Orrie if she died.
We need the diary to tell us it was handy for somebody else.
You think Orrie killed her.
No.
I have looked over saul's point from all angles and it packs a reasonable doubt, enough for a jury.
So, it'll do for me.
If it turns out that Orrie killed her, i'll never forgive him.
I'll cop his girl.
Well, now what? Or rather, who? The sister, stella fleming.
She found the body or the sugar daddy, avery Ballou.
We could start there the sister, we'll discuss mr.
Ballou later.
The sister.
According tothe gazette, stella fleming wasn't talking to reporters.
So, i decided it would be best to show up and wait outside her door until she let me in.
There are lots of interesting things to do while waiting in a hall for 3 hours and 20 minutes.
You can count the spots on the wall and sort out the cooking smells.
And when people arrive, or leave, you can look straight at them and notice which ones when a hefty, broad-shouldered woman inserts a key into her lock and suspiciously asks you are you waiting for someone? Yes.
Hmmf.
N, is it? Uh, if you're barry fleming, i am.
The doorman tells me that you're waiting for my wife.
Well, she won't see you, she won't see anybody.
She's taking this pretty hard.
I wouldn't want to make it any harder, it's just that Orrie Cather's my best friend and he's innocent.
Now, i'm sure your wife would not wanna see him punished if he's innocent, would she? No, of course she wouldn't.
And neither would i.
Well i don't see any point in you waiting out here, come on.
Darling? Barry, you let him in?! He only wants some information, he thinks we have no information for anybody.
Ahem, mrs.
Fleming, look, i'm not a reporter looking for a headline.
I'm a private detective, i just want a few facts.
Now, i know you don't want to talk to reporters because, well, ahem, your sister was a doxy my sister was a what? A doxy, d-o-x-y.
No, no, you mustn't! I think you'd better leave.
Yes, i'm inclined to agree.
No, no, no i don't want him to go no, no, i want to know why he said that.
Mr.
Goodwin please, um, come, sit down.
Why did you lie about my sister? Uh, that line is wasted on me, mrs.
Fleming, so skip it.
Anyway, it's not important, not now.
It is to me.
It's the most important thing in the world.
You see, my sister isabel was six and i was nine when our mother died.
She was 12 and i was 15 when our father died.
That's why it's so important.
Certainly.
No one is going to say about isabel what you just said.
If anyone said that at a trial, it would be in the newspapers.
So there mustn't be a trial.
Mr.
Wolfe and i, we don't want a trial.
Certainly not a trial of Orrie Cather.
And what we have to do is we have to establish enough reasonable doubt for the police or find somebody else, anybody with a motive.
It'll never get to a jury.
Can you help us do that? Ah, that's that's pretty clever but, i must remind you that, for my wife, the trial of the right man that might be just as bad as that of the wrong man.
Maybe, but we have some information about the line they have on Orrie Cather, you see.
And if he were tried, well, it would probably come out that he and isabel were ahem, together.
It might even come out that, uh, Orrie Cather was paying for your sister's apartment.
Ah, you're shaking your head.
No, she's not.
Yeah, she was shaking her head.
No, no now, tell me about this line that they have on Cather.
Well, i can't do that.
I got that in confidence, it's confidential information.
I'm a mathematics teacher, mr.
Goodwin, and i like problems.
This is not just a problem, i know, you wouldn't mind, dear, if i admit i'd like to tackle this problem? Mmmm i don't, i don't ah, mrs.
Fleming? Mrs.
Fleming, i don't want to jar you again, see, but, uh, i wanna know what your first thought was when you saw isabel there dead on the ground.
It wasn't a thought.
No, i mean, after the shock, i mean, uh, did you think, "he killed her," or "she killed her"? Very often, the first thought is right.
There wasn't any such thought, mr.
Goodwin.
Not then, not now.
All i know is that there mustn't be a trial.
Did isabel ever tell you about, or show you, her diary? She didn't keep a diary.
She did, the police have it, there are names in it that she must have locked it in that drawer by her bed, that little did she ever tell you the name of her provider? No.
No, huh? Well, that surprises me, i thought you were close.
We didn't speak of the arrangement.
There were rules.
Was there anyone else close to her? Someone that, perhaps, she told? She didn't tell anybody.
You could say that isabel led two lives, one with my wife, the second with her circle.
People from the theatre.
Oh under the circumstances, my wife chose not to associate with them.
It wasn't what i chose, barry, it was what was.
We can't tell you any names, nobody can and they won't because there won't be a trial.
T out! Now, ge get out.
Good luck.
Soon i was reporting to Wolfe exactly what i had found nothing Wolfe's only comment was you've had no lunch, none at all, nothing? Ah, it's good for me.
So, do you comment or do i? You.
One: Stella fleming is scared of people hearing about her sister.
"The most important thing in the world," she said.
Well, if it's still that important when she's dead what was it when she was alive? Two: Stella says she doesn't know who was paying her sister's rent.
She actualy shook her head when i suggested Orrie was.
So, she knows? So do we.
Finally, isabel had another circle, a separate set of friends.
Obviously, any woman who eats by sufferance without a legal contract would prefer not to eat alone.
Most men wouldn't put it all on eating.
Are you ready to tackle avery Ballou? We'll discuss that after you see Orrie.
Come on, o'malley.
Where you see a man in custody in manhattan depends partly on why the authorities think he's there.
I saw Orrie in the paddock.
That meant they thought he was a murderer and were taking no chances.
Mr.
Parker has told you that mr.
Wolfe is on it? I knew he'd have to.
I'm not his Archie Goodwin, but he'd have to.
I prefer to regard myself as my Archie Goodwin.
But we won't go into that now.
I need a favor, Archie.
I want you to see jill he.
I already have.
God damn it, what did you tell her? Basically, the same as you, nothing.
Wonderful, Archie.
Basically, the same as you, nothing.
You're what else have they got besides her diary? Her diary? Isabel kept a diary, you didn't know that? My god, no.
She did, they have it, and we need your opinion.
Would she have put his name in it? The rescuer? , she was too cagey.
Orrie, who else knew about you and her? Nobody, we were never together except at her place.
But not about her.
She was so hipped on me, it scared me.
But you guys talked to each other, right, did she talk about the others? Which one would have killed her? I swear, i don't know.
I'm such a damn fool, you know.
I fid get it, i wasn't her only contact.
She couldn't be mine.
That's when i got hip for the first time in my life on jill.
And then isabel decides she absolutely has to have me for herself.
There wasn't ever any baby, and even if there was, whose was it? Give me a name.
Julie Jaquette.
The woman she liked best was a nightclub singer at the ten little indians.
Julie Jaquette.
Ahem.
What is it?! All right, Orrie has provided one name.
A songbird named Julie Jaquette who may or may not know a thing.
So, i think it's time for you to see avery Ballou as it is quitting time at the federal holding company.
Now, come on, you can't keep putting it off forever, here.
While sex is certainly a factor it's not the main point try this: She overheard him cooking up a shady deal, see.
And she ha Archie.
Yeah? Don't try to think, you'll injure yourself.
Put saul on miss Jaquette, he's being wasted on routine inquiries.
A prodigy on a treadmill, take him off.
What about Ballou? Bring him here! In the city, it's hard to create a duck blind but there i was, waiting for mr.
Avery Ballou with a message mentioning the pink bedroom and the diary.
This will interest you, mr.
Ballou.
Is there enough light? Interest me? Yes, this isn't the place to discuss it the best place is Nero Wolfe's office, best time, now.
If you ride with me, keep your mouth shut.
I've said my piece.
You you must leave the heads on.
They'll be as tasteless as tissue paper.
Or perhaps we should try one with and one without.
Phooey.
I'm trying to seek a common ground.
With anchovies, there is no common ground.
Mr.
Ballou is here, he's in the office.
Satisfactory.
All right, fry them, then! But fry them separately and signal to me before you drain them.
Saul called, he sounded flustered.
Saul? Yes.
Apparently, we are about to have some company.
A miss Julie Jaquette from an establishment known as the ten little indians.
She will come here between the 9:00 and 10:00 sets.
Apparently, she has stipulated that she will not grant an interview unless she has a tour of the orchids.
You send a boy to do a man's job, what do you expect? Confound it.
It's nearly dinner and i will not be able to digest properly with the prospect of some chorus woman up there prancing about, making careless, sweeping gestures with her arms.
If people only knew how you suffered.
For your information, i have never spent one hour in apinkbedroom.
No good, mr.
Ballou.
Sir, i have nothing to say to yourguess that i killed miss kerr except that the idea is simply fantastic.
Can you account for your whereabouts between the hours of 8:30 a.
m.
And noon on saturday? There were phone calls, there were guests for lunch.
Can your wife account for hers? You will, under no circumstances go near my wife! I have taken great precautions that no one knew of my liaison, least of all her.
Your poise, sir.
You are in a trap, don't thrash about.
I never thrash about.
Well, then, sit down, i prefer eyes at level.
Now, if it wasn't you or your wife who was it, then? I expect you to help me identify the real person who killed miss kerr.
You know, of course, that Orrie Cather is in custody.
What you don't know is that he was on intimate terms with miss kerr for about a year and she told him many things about you, her provider.
Naturally, she told you nothing of him, her strephon.
Apparently, she named him in her diary.
About this diary, was my name mentioned? If she had named you, the police would have been to see you by now, have they? No, they have not.
Well then, let me elucidate our common interest.
I do not wish to have mr.
Cather tried and neither do you.
If he is, he most certainly will name you and the dogs will be loose.
Well, obviously, i'm in a trap.
When did Cather first learn my name? I don't know do we know, Archie? No, sir, i can find out, if it's important.
Could it have been even four months ago? Certainly.
I'd like to know, it may not be important now but i would like to know.
Who was it? You spoke with her, about places she had been, people she knew.
I need a fact, a hint.
You spent many intimate hours with her.
Except for physical intimacy, there was no sharing of experience.
Phooey.
I tell you this under coercion, we read poetry.
Poetry? Kipling, service and london.
Ah, yes, yes, the fancy leatherbound books.
Can they get fingerprints from them? No, no, not with that fancy rippled binding, i doubt it.
This is remarkable.
I wanted and expected names and you have provided three.
Jack london, rudyard kipling and robert service.
I did not read those poems and stories lf, i did not read she enjoyed them.
Torieshear myse we discussed them.
I see.
Now, sir, you expect to be paid, naturally, and of course, i have the means.
I am engaged on behalf of mr.
Cather, you can neither pay me nor hire me.
Now, a question but why can't i hire you? There's no conflict between Cather's interests and mine, as you tell it.
$10,000 as a retainer? They're ready? 20,000? No, i'm committed.
Both of them? Both of them.
Anchovy fritters.
You can't keep them waiting or they lose their puff.
And these are the ones with the heads or without the heads? Without the heads.
They're horrendous, they're tasteless.
(scoffing) (doorbell ringing) Wolfe's digestion was definitely being challenged.
Not only was he going to tackle a woman, which was bad enough, but a nightclub singer with a name like Julie Jaquette which was absolutely preposterous.
Hi! Who are you? My name is Fritz.
"Freets"? I'm sorry, mr.
Wolfe is dining, he cannot ahh, Nero Wolfe! Hit it, boys.
Big man.
Go, go, big man! Go big, talk big, act big, lovebig! Big man.
Big man! Bigman.
Big man! Big, big dobig lovebig! Go, go, go! Now, show me the orchids.
Did you suggest this? Nobody suggests anything to me.
Now the orchids, big man.
Miss Jaquette, it's conceivable that long ago, under different circumstances, i might have appreciated your performance but not here, not now.
It's not a performance, man.
It's me.
I don't believe it.
The creature who pranced in here and mouthed that doggerel couldn't possibly eat or read or write or love.
Are you capable of love? Am i? You see, one minute ago, you'd have said, "am i, man?" So, we're making progress.
As for your wish to see the orchids, that can easily be gratified.
But first, i must finish my dinner.
You're very welcome to join us, if you'd care to.
Fritz.
Oh, thank you, "freets".
Another setting.
Very well, monsieur.
Do you want the man who killed isabel kerr to be exposed and punished? Yes, man, i do.
Don't revert.
I, too, want him exposed because that's the only feasible way to release Orrie Cather.
Saul, you little rat! Little rat scat boy, rat liar boy.
Not guilty.
You said Wolfe wanted me to help nail him.
I said help nail the killer.
Ahh just because he works for you why are you sure he did it? Damn it, i even warned her.
You warned her that mr.
Cather would kill her? No, that there was no telling what he'd do.
They had the perfect setup, the damn fools and then she decides she's going to marry him andhedecides he's gonna marry some other dame and suddenly, none of them had any brains.
And when people's brains quit working, forget it.
He had the sweat up, she put the sting on him and he killed her.
I presume that you've told the police this.
I even signed my statement.
Tell me about isabel, what was she like? Ah, she was a duck.
She had a good, big heart, but she never let it bleed.
We were close because we knew exactly what men are for, and what they're not for.
Hmm.
Suppose you knew positively, no matter how, that mr.
Cather did not kill her.
Who did, then? Easy, the lobster.
The lobster? Define your terms.
The man shelling out 20 grand a year to keep her.
He found out about Cather and he killed her.
"A", "b", "c".
Eliminate the lobster, extend the hypothesis.
Ooh, big words, big man.
I can say the alphabet backwards.
So can i.
Do you know isabel's sister, stella? Pfft! That beetle.
Now, there's an idea and it's not funny, either.
I honestly believe her sister thought isabel would be better off dead.
Aw, i got to go, i go back on in 15 minutes.
But, hey, you can come along, come on! I decline your invitation but thank you for asking and i wish you well.
I have the impression that your opinions of our fellow beings and their qualities are somewhat similar to mine.
Big man.
Of all the names we had collected so far, the only one with a worthy motive was mrs.
Avery Ballou.
But approaching rich people is always difficult.
My most reliable and delectable source on the very rich.
Yes? Ah, yes, what do you know about mrs.
Avery Ballou? Do you want a detailed resume? Ah, just her main interests, likeppens to collect the autographs of famous detectives.
Ha, she can't be that sappy, i think what she is is dull.
No parties, no imagination, stctly horse and hounds.
Arabians and irish wolfhounds, something like 14 of them.
Ah, go no further, obviously that is it.
Thank you, my pet.
I hoped you wouldn't come, i'm tired.
Sit! (clearing throat) Aren't you going to say anything? Ah, yes, uh, my friend Lily rowan would like very much to buy one of these irish wolfhounds for her place in westchester county and shperson to come to, uh, to see for advice.
I love wolfhounds and they love me.
Yes.
When i'm in the country, my eight favorites sleep in my bedroom.
Really? Your husband, uh, allows that, huh? I doubt he even knows it.
Ah, protection, partly that's not good enough! You have to love them.
You have to like it when a tail knocks over a vase or a lamp.
Well, miss miss rowan is prepared to love an irish wolfhound.
Ah, she sent a man to see you because she thought that a man would have better luck with you than a woman.
With seeing your husband and achieve the same thing but maybe he's not interested in wolfhounds.
Ahem.
My husband is interested in absolutely nothing but what he calls "the structure of economics.
" Mm-hmm.
What's the name of that english woman who writes books about it? Barbara ward.
She might interest him, but no other woman could.
I didn't get your name.
My nie Goodwin doesn't matter.
Go away now.
Yes, perhaps i should good day.
If i hadrish wolfhound i would have wagged my tail and knocked something over.
But i didn't have time, i still had to see our client before they locked him away for the night.
Come on, Goodwin, he's been on the case 48 hours.
Something is missing.
What? Anybody but you with a motive.
What about her keeper? She was cheating on him.
Ah, Wolfe says Ballou doesn't have the blood for a crime of passion.
And that makes it true? I say no to jill hardy, the flemings, Julie Jaquette and all because they don't have a reason.
You still think i did it.
Well, give me a better candidate.
Don't you think i've been racking my brains? I can't think in here, Parker refuses to go for bail.
Isn't Wolfe good for it, hmm? You know, now and then you are a sap, you know why? That will push them to to charge you with murder.
Now, Wolfe, he would take you over every minute of every day but me, i only got, what, 15 minutes? And you're our only hope, so make it good.
I got one.
You got one? I got one, i come in once, she's talking to somebody.
She says, "it's got to stop" and hung up quick.
She's all flustered, like it's another guy.
Wait, this isn't the keeper, there's a third party? The keeper never called.
When did you discover this other guy? When did you discover this othethe keeper! Come on, indulge me.
Right away, she had lots of rules when to come and go.
Maybe this other guy no, no, this other guy, he wasn't in the diary otherwise, he would be in here with you.
It's possible.
There's ten million possibilities, but nothing nothing that someone could sink their teeth into.
If she was seeing three guys, okay, that if by telling Ballou he can spend more time with her maybe that's the way to do it.
Time's up.
He was wrong, iwaslistening.
I was listening to what he said and how he said it for indications, which was plain silly since we'd ruled him out as a suspect.
But i couldn't stop being curious.
The only goos way to get a suspicion out of your mind is to get something else in.
And so far, i had touched bottom with nothing to show for it.
Wouldn't you get to feel better if you read it out loud? Anything? Yes, sir, we can scratch mrs.
Ballou.
Even if she was told everything about everything there's no way she could have killed isabel.
She'd have been too tired.
Then nothing, four days and nights of nothings.
Ahhh, no argument.
Confound it.
If you think that i shouldn't be considering Orrie because we barred him, well, you're perfectly right.
But the idea that he conked her popped into my head when i saw that dent in her skull.
And it will stay there until i have a better candidate.
Ask questions, then.
Why did jill hardy want me to put my arms around her? Chaff, Archie.
All right, fine, stella fleming.
Did she have a fit and kill her sister? If she had, would she have gone back and gotten the superintendent to let her in so she could discover the body? Nah, i don't believe it.
Neither do l barry fleming.
Why did he let me in? Because he killed isabel and wanted to let me in, find out how much i knew.
Under what motive did he kill? Motive? Oh, you want a motive? Then it's mrs.
Ballou because she's really a hellcat boiling with jealousy.
But if that's the case, i'm a sap and you should fire me.
Make the deal with cramer.
Bah! Scientists have covered all of that apartment, offered to trade him everything we have for all the fingerprints they got.
My self-esteem will not allow it.
(doorbell ringing) Byron wrotethe glory and the nothing of the name.
But byron was a poet.
A poet can take liberties that are fatal to a man like me.
I was a fool, i should have known she might form an attachment, i assume she did with Cather.
Archie? She burned, she wanted to marry Orrie.
I see she was discreet.
Of course, with him, there would be no discretion.
Doesn't that follow? It does.
Cather knew my name.
And a blackmailer to whom i've been paying $1,000 a month for the past five months.
What? Why the devil didn't you say this two days ago? I didn't see it then, now i see that Cather will not only be tried but convicted and if he is, my name will be divulged hat must not happen.
my name connected not merely with a a with a diversion but with a sensational murder? That must not happen.
This parcel contains a retainer of $50,000.
I'm not asking for anything illegal i don't care what you do or how you do it, just keep my name out of it! Of course, i do not have to stay committed to a murderer.
But am i? Describe the man you paid the blackmail to.
I've never seen him.
One evening at home, i get a phone call that the man gave his name as robert service kipling.
Naturally i took the call, the name alone was enough to convince me.
He told me what he knew and how he knew it and that i was to mail him 10 $100 bills the following day and the same amount on the 15th of each month.
I did so.
His name and mailaddress? A fake name.
Indulge me.
The address was general delivery, grand central station, he used a different name.
Milton thales.
Thales? Yes.
T-h-a-l-e-s? Yes.
Did you tell miss kerr about it? Oh, yes, i asked if she had told anyone, anyonemy name? She said she hadn't and, of course, she was very indignant.
I realize now, of course, she lied.
She knew it must be Cather.
She told him to stop, and he killed her my god, if i had known, damn him! Just wait.
Get fred and saul, tell them to come at once.
Take mr.
Ballou to the front room and provide him with a drink.
Mr.
Ballou.
Fritz provided late-night refreshment and i told fred and saul everything.
Except, of course, that "x" was on spot.
(Wolfe) I apologize for getting you out so late, but i need you.
The man who maintained that apartment for miss kerr, call him "x", was being blackmailed.
I need your opinion as to whether Orrie could be a blackmailer.
Fred? Just straight open-and-shut blackmail? Yes.
Impossible.
Saul? This was when Orrie was seeing her himself? Yes.
Then no, that would take a real snake.
Satisfactory, but i didn't get you here just for that.
There will be instructions, if you will wait for them.
May they use your room? My room? Them? There's the kitchen theyld use.
Yeah, they can use my room as long as they don't rummage.
All right, let's go.
The $50,000 was affecting Wolfe's mental processes.
Suppose a man-eating tiger jumped into the kitchen window and then ran down the hall and saw Ballou.
Well, it was just too much of a risk to take.
I know who the blackmailer is, mr.
Ballou.
It is not now and never was Orrie Cather.
That name, milton thales, you pronounce it as any american would.
If i pronounce it "thalees", does that stir your memory? If i pronounce it "thalees", doyes.
Hat stir your memory?? "Thalees"yes, yes.
An early greek who predicted an eclipse of the sun.
Thales of miletus, 6th century b.
c.
First great name, Archie, in mathematics.
I'll be damned.
He preceded euclid by three centuries, i believe.
That is correct.
He was one of the seven wise men of ancient greece.
Yes, from the greek, to measure the earth.
He was i hate to break up this love-fest here but we have a murder to investigate.
Now, do you wanna connect the dots for him or should i? Mr.
Ballou, miss kerr told her sister your name sister told her mr.
Ballou, miss kerr husband, barry fleming, meand her who is a professor of mathematics at henry hudson high school.
So, i have named the blackmailer.
Oh, by god, i believe you have.
Thales of miletus, milton thales.
Yes, my objective was to get mr.
Cather released.
I could achieve it now by telling the police about mr.
Fleming blackmailing you but i don't intend to do that.
I owe you some consideration since i only knew of the blackmailing through you.
Then there's this yours.
Yes, a blackmailer is not, ipso facto, a murderer.
I cannot accept it until i have concluded with finality that you are not the murderer.
Question: How soon after the first call from the blackmailer right away, a day or two later.
She asked two or three times if it was continuing.
She must have asked him more than once to stop, then.
Perhaps she finally threatened to go to the police.
Better than that, she threatened to squeal on him to stella, right? Now, he could have called the whole thing off instead of killing her if she threatened to go to the police.
But, if she threatened to go to her sister, he would have to kill her because, sooner or later you know, he'd run the risk of her telling stella or somebody finding out through stella because uh, mr.
Goodwin is somrecipitate but he has actually talked to mr.
And mrs.
Fleming.
Uh, yes, i've seen them together.
He may not be ipso facto, a murderer.
But ipso, Archie Goodwin if i can earn this, i want it.
If i can serve your purpose without damage to mine, i shall.
But take that package with you when you leave because here in my safe, it might affect my mental processes.
What are you gonna do? What am i going to do? Confer with my colleagues.
If you don't want two more men in on your secret go.
So, saul, fred, Wolfe and i conferred.
We considered doing actual detective work but Wolfe would have nothing to do with anything so pedestrian.
He is, as you probably have heard, a genius, and feels the need to prove it from time to time.
Thus it was that the next afternoon i found myself at arm's length from an attractive young woman in bed, miss Julie Jaquette.
Poor isabel.
Blackmailer for brother-in-law and murderer for a pet.
And a hee-haw for a friend.
She only had one real friend, me.
Now, i cale only professionally.
If i were going to be personal, i would call you a kitten or a snuggle bunny.
Do you realize that this is a bed and i could reach out and grab you? I'm watching every move.
Have you seen mine? Ahem, to continue yes.
I call you a mule because you have decided that Orrie Cather killed isabel.
Yeah, you won't budge.
Why should i? Because the third-smartest detective in new york, saul panzer, says he didn't.
Panzer's a rat.
And i may be a mule but i can count up to two and say the alphabet backwards.
A mule would say it backwards.
She was killed by barry fleming.
Huh.
Do you have reasons? Uh, plenty, just no evidence.
Not one little scrap? Now, would you like to see the murderer get it? Damn right i do.
Then you can help us.
You can write barry fleming a letter, right? Say that you want the five grand that he got from "x".
Oh, i like that.
Right, now, in the letter, you'll also tell him that isabel used to tell you everything and that she told you no, what you do is you hint.
You hint that you know he killed her, right? And that you know why.
That's a lot of lies for one little letter.
No, no, it's just one lie and the lie being that she told you, fact is, i told you.
You did, didn't you? Now, he'd have to kill you once he gets the letter.
But it would be a cinch to get evidence of that.
So, we'd get him and happy ending.
(giggling) Are you married? Married, no, no, i've asked at least a thousand.
It's a damn shame it won't work between us.
I could get a charley horse just trying to keep up.
Plus you'd only get a trip to the cemetery if i'm only gonna be killed.
What do i say in this letter? What letter? Hey! Z-y-x-w-v-u-t-s-r-q-p-o-n- m-l-k-j-l-h-g-f-e-d-c-b-a.
You came here to deal me in.
10 to 1 20 to 1, Wolfe wrote that letter out and it's in your pocket, so, let's see it.
I, uh here's the thing, saul, the rat, actually wrote it, i merely memorized it.
No one's tried to kill me before, i'll feel important.
Once barry fleming gets that letter, you'll be a sitting duck, where you go, we go.
No dodges.
None of this "show what men are for" business.
Just because you smooth-tongued me into sticking my neck out doesn't mean that you can suddenly tell me what to do and follow me everywhere.
Whoa, i doubt that you could be smooth-tongued into anything that you wouldn't want to be smoooth-tongued into but more on that later.
The thing about it is this, you're gonna have to behave and you're gonna have to obey orders.
What do you swear on, the bible? No, some of the men in it are awful.
So are the women.
We'll shake.
So, we had an accomplice.
We spent some time setting out the rules of the game which was that one of us would be with her at all times until the murderer played his hand.
By early the next morning, new york's finest operatives were in place.
Fred durkin was in the lobby and i was outside milady's door.
Do you want lunch? I'm ordering breakfast.
I always have fried eggs and bacon.
I never get frieeggs and bacon at home.
Yeah, sure, double your order.
All righty, then.
(clearing throat) Isabel figured out pretty quick she wasn't cut out for show business.
Well, she had a lot of enthusiasm but let's just say she wasn't the most graceful gazelle in the flock.
(phone ringing) Hold this.
Hello.
Well, yes, mr.
Fleming, this is Julie Jaquette.
Fine, man, see you then.
Will he bring his own ashtray? Sure.
Ok, well, um, you stay here, and i'm gonna put on something more comfortable.
(man) Taxi.
Well, well, well.
I know how things fit and that fits very well.
Well, thank you very much.
Okay, now, i'm allowed to give you an order, all right? Now, you are to stay away from these windows and close the drapes, all right? All right, snuggle bunny.
Now, how are we gonna deal with him, do you talk or do i? Well, i'm the pro.
Excuse me, i'm the actress.
Not for a murder.
Finr, you deal with him, downstairs in the lobby.
Oh, that would be real smart.
Yeah, leave you up here alone.
No, how about, uh, i'll be seen but not heard? Oh, i like that almost.
Unless i find it necessary.
No, i'll say, "bob's your uncle (knocking) Well, answer it.
You get it.
It's your room, he came to see you, now go.
Ohhh, i hate orders.
You hide.
Well, hello.
Good afternoon, mr.
Fleming.
Ohhh! I believe you've met mr.
Goodwin.
I thought this would be private.
Yes, well, won't you come in? , have you got the money? Yes, well, won't you come in? Um, i'm afraid that isabel told you some things that are not true, i'm afraid.
Aw, nuts, the only reason i haven't told the cops is because isabel wouldn't want me to.
She'd want you to cough it up.
She'd also want me to tell stella 'cause that's what she was gonna do.
Honestly, miss Jaquette what do you think, mr.
Goodwin? What do i think? I'll tell you what i think.
I think we ought to call, ahem, mr.
Cramer.
No.
No? No? I'll give you the money.
Yeah, i'll give it to you, umm the banks are closed, i'll bring it monday.
All of it? Of course.
$5,000.
Yeah, uh, but isabel wouldn't want you to tell my wife.
I'm sure she wouldn't.
She wouldn't want you to worry stella.
Promise me you won't.
I'm not promising anything, man.
I'll promise for five grand, but it's got to be here monday.
Yeah, but Archie's promise is no good without mine.
Eh? Oh, what the hell? I promise, too.
You hashed it.
I hashed it? First you call me mr.
Goodwin and then you call me Archie.
Well, now he's gonna have to kill you, too.
He will not, i'm just hearsay.
You supplied the motive.
You'll have to be removed, i'm sorry.
Aw, you really dealt me in.
Yes, i have, i'm afraid so, you're absolutely right.
I should have told you that once you're in it's really impossible to get out, i apologize.
Well, i don't want out, he killed her.
hey, cowboys get on your big white stallion i'll put a blanket on mine you know we'll go out riding 'cause cowboys and indians get on just fine yeah, cowboys and indians oh, yeah, cowboys and indians da-da-da-da-da-da cowboys indians i got my boand arrow you got your 10-gallon hat together we'll go out dancing 'cause cowboys and indians do it like that yeah, cowboys and indians oh, yeah, cowboys and indians da-da-da-da-da-da cowboys da-da-da-da-da-da indians, yeah yeah, yeah (cheers & applause) I think motherhood is a wonderful thing.
But renting a child is the only way i know if it's for me.
Well, i've got four for you to choose from.
All right, s it was time to get miss Jaquette home, back to the maidstone hotel.
Saul went home to get some shuteye while fred took the night shift.
He and Julie were getting acquainted by way of his wife and kids.
They negotiated all the way to the maidstone hotel.
Knowing him, i hoped she didn't think he meant it.
And knowing her, i hoped he didn't think she did.
And knowing her, i hoped he didn't think she did.
Okay, so december it is, what's it gonna be, a boy or a girl? Should it be by the pound? More for the girl.
(gunshot) (screaming) (gunshots) (man) Get down! Get down, get down! Move along, move along, move along.
Get down, get down, get back, get back.
Archie! Stay down fred! Bastard shot me in the leg.
She all right? Yeah i got to get you to the hospital.
No, i've been to hospitals before.
Stay down, everybody stay down! Get inside! Take her, now.
You're alive.
Yes, just barely.
Who's the guest? Julie Jaquette, she's alive too.
It's not my fault, she was shot at late last night, fred got it in the leg, he's at roosevelt hospital.
The sniper was not seen? No, sir, but it's almost certainly barry fleming.
All we need is a little evidence.
I suppose you want a full report? After you've eaten.
"3:20 a.
M, there is a guest in the south room.
Tell him i'll cook her breakfast a.
g.
" Were you drunk whe? Fritz, now, i admit it's your function to cook breakfast.
But she likes her eggs fried, you don't fry eggs ahh, forget what she wants.
Poach 'em in red wine and bouillon.
That will show her what men are for.
Suppose we could get proof that fleming killed isabel kerr.
So if we got it and we gave it to mr.
Cramer, what would happen? Three things: One, they'll drop Orrie fast.
Two, fleming will be tried and probably convicted.
Three, they'll try to keep Ballou's name out of it and fail.
Four make it four you won't get that 50,000.
What did i tell mr.
Ballou? That if you can serve his purpose without damage to yours, you will but i don't see how we can possibly pull it off.
I wanted your opinion on risk, not feasibility.
Could we conceivably jeopardize our purpose? No, no, no, Orrie is as good as out of it now.
Fine, then there's no risk at all.
No, the problem is to expose the murder without exposing "x".
(hard knocking) Cramer, as expected, ask Fritz to answer the door.
I'll go up to Jaquette's room, make sure she doesn't for (knocking) Come in.
Hey! Do you remember the script? Yeah, but it's not very good.
H, should we yeah, but it's check it, though? Ot very good.
A sure.
Z-y-x-w-v-u-t oh, right, i keep forgetting.
Come on, Julie, you got to remember the script, okay? Hmm? Okay? Ahh.
You know? Oh! Hmm yeah.
Three paces inside the office unexpected scene.
Ke in an well, well, isn't this nice? I want to know why you're guarding Julie Jaquette, and who you're guarding her from.
Durkin says he doesn't know, but you do.
Who fired those shots at the girl, Goodwin? I would suggest Orrie Cather but that's out 'cause he's in the can.
Ah, nuts! Mr.
Cramer, why not be forthright? You want to learn if i have collected any evidence that would weaken your case against mr.
Cather.
Why not just be straightforward and ask me? All right, i ask you, have you? Yes.
What evidence? I'm not prepared to divulge it.
My god, you admit to obstructing justice.
You know, that's a nice point.
If i withhold information or evidence that would help convict a man that is obstruction, yes.
But if the evidence that i withhold would help to acquit him, is that obstruction? Well, curious curiosity.
I don't know if that point has ever been raised judicially.
Perhaps we should ask mr.
Parker! Ask my ass! If you got evidence to clear Cather and can convict somebody else with it, i want it.
Now, you try to be forthright, Wolfe.
Give me your word of honor that the shots fired at Jaquette had nothing to do with the death of isabel kerr.
I cannot, i suspect there is a connection.
But you haven't established it, hmm? No mr.
Cramer, i think it would be best for you to assume that i have no evidence.
Ah all right, Goodwin, where is she? Could you mean miss Jaquette? Yes, i could, you brought her here last night.
She's in the south room.
Squeak went the mousie mousie in the hall.
Hole come in! (Julie on intercom) Good morning.
Would you like a seat, how about a cocktail? Have a seat, sit down.
(cramer) Oh, must be nice living large here, miss Jaquette.
Yeah.
I feel pro tected.
Yeah, why? Why do you need protection? Well, i might as well tell you the truth.
That's always the best way.
Between you and me, i don't need protection.
Last week between you and me, i di met Archie Goodwin.
I simply flapped, what a man! I had to have him.
Oh, criminy.
So, i told Wolfe a man was annoying me and i needed protection day and night.
Now, archiw this, but, he was there all day saturday in my hotel room.
If you didn't need protection, why did somebody try to kill you? Mmm maybe he was shooting at fred or maybe he was just shooting at anybody.
Mmm do you know the penalty for giving false information to an officer investigating a crime? Oh, what crime are you investigating? Hmm.
You want to retract your statement that Orrie Cather killed your friend isabel kerr? Ha, i never said that.
You implied it good enough.
Do you remember what you said? Certainly i do.
Hey, do you know that i can say the alphabet backwards? Z-y-x-w-v-u-t, s-r-q-p-o-n miss Jaquette! (growling) Miss Jaquette angry, mean, big, bad bear.
Big bear, go, bear, go! I hope you know what you're doing, miss Jaquette.
Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin are two of the slickest operators in new york.
Sure you don't want to reconsider? Mmm no, thanks! You can leave the door open.
(groaning) Eesh.
How much verity was there in what she told mr.
Cramer? Every single, wonderful word of it.
Can that woman be trusted in a matter that requires adroitd full discretion? Well, she's not talking just to hear herself.
Then we'll risk it.
Ask mr.
Ballou to come by at 11:00.
Tell him i'll only need him 10 minutes.
Miss Jaquette must not see him.
Can you make sure she doesn't? Sure Fritz, can you arrange to be vacuuming outside our guest's door at 11:00, make sure she stays inside? Archie, i don't vacuum.
Uh, yeah, i know.
Yes, i believe i could.
(vacuum running) First point: I am now satisfied that you did not kill isabel kerr because i know barely short of certainty that her brother-in-law did.
Can you keep my name out of it? The problem needs definition.
Of the five people who know your name i can vouch for three, as for mr.
And mrs.
Fleming, the best i could possibly do would be to create a situation which would make it highly unlikely that they would ever disclose it.
But i cannot open their skulls and remove the cells where your name is filed, you see that? Of course, you would be the judge of the situation.
No, youwill be.
I want to earn that money, not extort it.
However, to proceed with any expectation of success i need the assistance of a woJulie Jaquette.
I know the name.
Yes, i want to ask her for help.
And if we succeed, she must receive $50,000 in cash.
Can you provide it? The question is pointless, i'm trapped.
I make it contingent on success to preclude any smell of extortion.
If you think she can help, get her.
What's the difference, another 50,000 or 10 times 50? A million! You could have at least waited until she was awake, Fritz.
I have my routine, mr.
Goodwin.
Yeah, well, so do i.
I ought to be asleep, dammit.
Sleep this afternoon, mr.
Wolfe wants to see you.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, "freets".
Have you all the money you want, miss Jaquette? Of all the dumb questions.
Well, l i need to know if a chance, a long one, but a chance of making $50,000 would interest you? Less income tax? No, the money would be in cash and you would sign no receipt.
You know what i would do if i had 50 grand in one fat wad? I'd go to college for four straight years, maybe even five.
You give me the feeling there are a lot of things i ought to know that i don't know.
Yes? And the added pleasure would be that the money would come from the lobster.
Whoo! Good job, big man, you know him? His fear of exposure is extreme.
So, you're serious.
Do you engage to keep secret what i tell you in confidence? I can do that.
Then you're a paragon.
Now for the fact that gives us our one chance in a thousand.
There is a person who dreads the publication of "x"'s association with miss kerr even more intensely than "x" does.
Tell her, Archie.
Oh, that's good.
Thatis very good.
You know, i never saw it from that angle.
Ha! Stella.
'Cause stella would do anything, absolutely anything to prevent anyone from finding out about isabel's association with "x", see, including not ever telling her husband.
I mean, just preventing anyone from ever knowing this, right? But, to drive the point home i think i'm on the right path here, eh she would have to know about the blackmailing, right? Well, that's whereyoucome in.
You have to tell i think so you have to tell stella about what you wrote barry in the letter, is that right? Well, why don't youtell her? Well, because you can tell stella things that isabel might have told you and i can't, because, well, when i met her, she was dead.
H, so, you want me to lie again.
Did barry blackmail "x"? Certainly.
Any doubt he fired shots at you? No.
Count to two.
I have, let's go! Oh take it easy.
Call? Yes, this is mrs.
Fleming.
(Archie) Ah, yes, mr.
Wolfe would like to see you.
He knows who murdered your sister.
What's the address? 914 west 35th.
(doorbell ringing) Hello, mrs.
Fleming, how are you today? May i take your coat? Yes.
Yes, all righty.
Thank you.
There we are.
What do you got in there? Oh, nothing.
Nothing, huh? No, give that to me! Ah, easy, easy, i'm just gonna have a look.
You seem a little nervous, there.
No, that's well, well, well, look at that.
A bristol.
22, how cute.
Give that to me.
No now, now.
There is a woman in there who's gonna say some things that you don't like very much, and you're very impulsive.
Her name is Julie Jaquette and she was your sister's best friend.
Iwas my sister's best friend.
Yes, well, ahem, you ought to know.
Now, we're going to go in there and have a seat and be very civilized, let's go.
Uh, by the way, where does your husband keep his gun? What? Yeah, right this way.
Uh, this was in her bag.
But it is not the gun that fired those shots at you.
That's why i askedyouwhere your husband keeps his rifle.
My husband? That's breaking it to you gently.
The worst is yet to come.
What is going on here? You said you'd found the murderer.
Yes, yes i did.
This is a copy of a letter miss Jaquette wrote your husband.
He received it friday.
You may have a look.
What what is this? Who who is milton thales? "Thalees".
He's your husband.
And "x", who is "x"? That's the man who was paying the bills for isabel.
I had to call him "x.
" You're the only ones she told his name to.
She didn't tell me his name.
Yes, she did.
No, she didn't.
Yes, she did isabel wasn't a liar you told your husband and he blackmailed "x".
I didn't tell my husband! No gooackmail is a certaint y.
I can't believe it.
Uhh, it's hard, but there's harder.
So that's why.
This will give the police a motive for isabel's murder.
I just i just can't believe it.
They'll get evidence of barry's whereabouts the day isabel was killed and he'll be booked, tried, convicted.
Hey, you don't have to club her.
Oh, no pardon me.
We're in a pickle, as mr.
Wolfe always likes to say.
I was thinking about isabel, you know.
Not only did barry kill her but now he's gonna drag her name through the mud.
The world will know, everyone will know about isabel and "x".
She doesn't deserve that.
You know, there is one thing we could do, of course.
You could convince your husband to tell the police there was another reason why he killed isabel.
That way, we could keep her name out of it keep "x"'s name out of it, the whole thing.
But mostly, for isabel, don't you think that's a good idea? You didn't even know isabel.
True.
And you it was people like you hey, my little chickadee, i really loved her.
I wa friend, what about you? From what she told me about you iwas her best friend! Hey! Archie! (Archie) Oh, hey, hey ow, ow, ow let go, let go okay, you hey.
You all right, miss Jaquette? Yeah, i'm all right, butnowyou can club her! Mrs.
Fleming, talk with your husband.
We'll give you to wednesday morning.
Get her out, Archie! Here, i'll give you the gun at the door.
Ow.
Imagination and invention are not the same thing.
Invention is the product of imagination.
The distinction might seem arbitrary, but it's not.
See, you're talking over my headn purpose.
Show me one thing in a book ask me if it's imagination or invention and i'll tell you every time, let's see you prove me wrong.
Possibly, but, uh, if we viewed literature as a discipline, a science.
You get on my nerves because you haven't got any.
You wouldn't give a rusty nickel to know what she's doing right now.
What who's doing? You see, that's what i'm talking about.
Talk, talk, talk around the issues at hand.
Do you live with this every day? (ringing bell) Sure, dingle the little bell, just when things get rough.
For the next eight hours, everyone in the house did everything we could to keep from watching the clock.
Wolfe spent time with his orchids.
Fritz passed some time doing what he does best in the kitchen.
By the time night fell, Julie and i had played 97 games of snooker.
I used to be good.
Mind if i watch you? Shall i, then? Yes.
Prepare to meet your doom.
(doorbell ringing) Must be cramer.
My god, she hashed it! Now, you're gonna go to your room.
I will not.
Yes, you will, snuggle bunny.
I wanna listen, i'm going to make a sound, i'll boil you in oil.
Mr.
Cramer.
I want all the rats out of their holes, you, Fritz, holtzman, everybody! I want the rats to start talking, g one i want the rats to stain here! G, ly the bi you! And i wanna know how you knew! You also knew that barry fleming killed isabel kerr and i wanna know how you knew that! You're fuming, mr.
Cramer.
You're damn right i am.
Well, then, you're at a disadvantage.
Don't you want to compose your mind? I want you to answer my questions.
You say that i knew that mr.
Fleming killed miss kerr.
I told you i had no evidence, i still have no evidence, have you? Yes.
Is barry fleming in custody? No.
Do you think, by any chance, that i might have him here? No, he's dead.
He blew his brains out with a bristol.
22.
His wife found him.
Was a policeman there, had he been questioned? No! Then, how do you know he killed miss kerr? How do you know anythil? I've told you twice, i have no evidence.
Well, he wrote it out, nice and neat.
He's a professor.
She went out for groceries and when she came back "i hereby state and acknowledge "that i struck my sister-in-law isabel kerr on the head "with an ashtray and killed her (grumbling) "I did it in an uncontrollable frenzy "of anger and resentment.
"She had been living in great luxury "and my wife and i were paying for it.
"I was at the end of my rope, "but she would not listen to reason.
"I did not mean to kill her but i do not expect forgiveness, even from my wife barry fleming.
" Who fired those shots at Julie Jaquette? Oh, i do not know.
That's a damn lie.
The murder is solved, the culprit is dead.
But you are a man who has an itch of curiosity and i gall you.
You know, for once, Wolfe, i agree with you.
So i tell you this: I learned, no matter how, who was paying for isabel kerr's luxuries and that led me to her killer.
I also ain, no matter how, that mr.
Fleming knew miss Jaquette intended to make public certain facts.
I did not know that he fired those shots, i do not know that now.
But i give you my word of honor, everything i have told you is completely true.
Ah, nuts! You think you do everything right.
Always cocky huh? And you, Goodwin, how much did it miss you by with you standing there? About a foot, did it go up your nose? Now, you both realize that if you hadn't told Cather to button his lip, he would be out by now and fleming would be in and still alive.
Oh sure, you realize it, but you just had to show how smart you are.
You just had to show how cocky you are.
I wish to god oh, what's the use? You know, i hope you have the decency to send flowers to his funeral.
And you can do the casket blanket, Goodwin.
Oh, hey, Archie.
(jingling) Hey, what's that for? (clearing throat) I am deciding something that can't be decided any other way.
Tails, stella killed her husband herself.
I have a show tonight, i'd better go pack.
I wish you well, mr.
Wolfe.
And you, madam.
You really think they know anything better about anything in college? Well, i'm gonna give it a whirl.
They gotta know something.
Of course, all anybody really needs is to eat something cooked by "freets".
Then, they'd know something worthwhile.
You're right about that.
Uh-huh.
Can i help you pack? Sure, you can pack my undies.
That wasn't the end of miss Julie Jaquette.
As i was going over the mail one day a year later i got a personal letter.
It was a pip.
(Julie) Dear Archie, thanks for telling me about Orrie marrying that airline girl.
You know what i think of that, but, i wish them well.
I say that to people sometimes.
In a class last week, we had to say something about imagination and invention, and i said everything Nero said that day at lunch and it made their eyes pop! You're right, they didn't know any better.
But i wish them well, too.
How's "freets"? Tell him i can still taste the sauce he used in those sweetbreads.
Write if you want, i wish you well j.
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