Norsemen (2016) s02e01 Episode Script

Are you feeling hungry? I actually had a little snack before we started.
So I'm fine for now.
Do you think you'll be hungry again soon? Or do people think we should make something together later, or what? I'm not really sure what the plan is.
It's just that if people want to have dinner later, I guess I'll just grab something now.
Because I feel I need a quick bite or something.
And then we can make something together later.
- Frøya? - Yep? What do you think about food? Are you hungry? Arvid is hungry.
Maybe we can defile first and then eat later? I mean, who likes to rape on a full stomach? The thing with me, which you will experience when we get to Rome, is that I'm the kind of person who fills a room.
A magnetic personality, that you can sense has entered the room long before you see him.
Wow.
I haven't noticed much of that yet.
Well, that's how I am.
I just didn't employ it in that Stone Age village of yours.
People wouldn't have understood anyway.
Norheim.
I wonder if they miss us.
If only they knew how little I miss them and their horrible culture of brutality.
I can't wait to be among like-minded people on the Continent.
Speaking of Rome You think we're getting close? We've been traveling for months.
Shouldn't we be there soon? If I had been a globe-maker or a map-drawer, I probably would have been able to answer that question.
But all we can do is follow the sun.
Since the sun always points south, we just have to trust it, yes? By Loki, this is so nice! What a perfect day.
You know what? It's so important to be able to stop and just take it all in.
Yeah.
Just be present in the moment.
That's so true.
What a place this is, huh? Yeah, we were just talking about it.
We should just settle here.
Fertile soil.
Weak enemies.
Lots of treasures.
That's what we should do.
We should settle down here and establish a colony, or something.
Look at this! The gods must be so pleased with us.
This is the third day in a row that we find a campsite with a fire pit and everything.
See? Once you get just a little further south on the Continent, everything improves markedly.
I don't think old Norway sets up campsites and stuff like that for their people.
Up there in that pile of rocks it's all about putting as many sticks as possible in people's wheels.
Am I the only one who thinks this campsite looks suspiciously like yesterday's? This has to be the same place.
I slept right there.
Liv Stop complicating things.
Please.
I mean, how different can two campsites be? Yes.
A campsite is a campsite.
Yes? We burned the village to the ground.
Or, what was left of it.
Seems like they've been pillaged a good number of times already.
Oh, really? It actually seems like they've been pillaged so many times that they've stopped rebuilding.
They just sat there when we attacked.
Didn't seem like they cared one way or the other if they were being pillaged.
This is all the loot we got.
Rats? This turnip actually doesn't taste half bad.
This is so miserable, Torstein! Pillaging here in the East is so passé.
Yeah, it has become kind of mainstream.
Oh yeah.
It felt like we just had to steal something, just to make it seem like we knew what we were doing.
Bundle up whatever slaves we have.
Tonight we sail for Norway! I don't know.
I'm kind of starting to doubt this whole endeavor.
- Doubt? - Yeah.
No, you're going to be famous! The chieftain's wife who decided to abandon a life of fortune to bum around with two outlaws.
Yeah.
That commands respect.
The thing is, I'm not a chieftain's wife anymore.
Sure you are! Chieftain's wife is not a title they can take away from you.
- Arvid kind of did.
- No, no.
As strong as women's rights are now, in the Viking Age, I think Arvid can't dump you like a bad habit.
You know, if I were you, I'd seek legal help.
Because I think you have a pretty strong case.
And now you tell me?! Yes.
But anyway, that's water under the bridge now.
As I've decided to start saying.
Because now we're almost there.
What was that? Is anyone there? My intuition tells me it's nothing to worry about.
No one's there.
We're all alone Sturla Bonecrusher? Old buddy! You sure gave us a fright.
This must be the craziest coincidence ever! Old acquaintances meeting by chance in a completely unlikely place.
But don't just stand there, Sturla.
Sit down.
Take a load off before I take it off for you.
Have some rodent.
Or two.
Raids are great.
But I'm sure it will be nice to come home again, too.
I think I prefer to be on a raid.
I guess the situation at home is a little messy.
Since we're kind of boyfriend and girlfriend.
And I live together with Hildur and she's pregnant and all that.
Yeah.
It's A little messy.
But if that baby in her stomach is mine, I feel like I kind of have to be there.
What do you mean, if the baby's yours? It is, isn't it? Loki if I know.
I was thinking about it.
And when I look back, I don't think she came.
OK? I mean, I came by the bucket.
Crazy amounts of seed in her.
But I don't think she came.
Or climaxed, or whatever it's called.
And in that case, the baby can't be mine.
I don't know if the woman has to cum in order to make a baby.
Or maybe she does.
That would explain why I never had a baby with Orm.
So How are you filling your days, Sturla, after your little mutiny in Norheim? I capture outlaws.
And sell them as slaves.
Human trafficking? Well, I guess somebody's gotta do it.
We're heading to Rome.
Away from the frigid north.
To more southern climes.
You haven't gotten very far.
Yes, we have.
Norheim is three day's march from here.
So, no.
Three day's march? We've spent two months on a three-day march? By Odin, you two! Us two? Excuse me.
If anyone is to blame here, it almost has to be the sun.
Because that's what we followed.
What are you three actually doing out here in the middle of the forest? Good question.
I guess you could say a number of unfortunate circumstances led to the result of us becoming Orm! Outlaws.
But that needs to remain our little secret.
So you have no legal protection? Everyone can do what they want with you? In theory, yes.
But hardly likely in practice.
OK.
Talk to you later, folks.
Don't let anyone steal your dreams.
No.
And Rome isn't a dream.
It's a reality.
Any minute now.
Come on.
We have to get away from here before he comes back.
Liv, you always think the worst of people.
The Bonecrusher may be a little rough around the edges, but deep down there's a heart of gold.
You don't have a heart of gold if you're called the Bonecrusher.
Liv You do realize that we have to get away now? What we realize, is that we need to sleep.
Because it's been a very long day.
I can get real grumpy tomorrow if I don't get enough sleep.
And that's not a threat.
It's simply a warning for your own good.
By Thor and Odin, how hard can it be to keep up the pace? Well, several of them are missing a leg.
And this one guy I think is missing his eyes, also.
This is not good.
It's embarrassing! Let's get rid of these slaves before we meet someone we know.
Well, if it isn't Jarl Varg's men! - Long time, no see.
- Likewise.
So you're here too? Yeah, we have this incredible bounty from the West that we're going to try to get rid of.
Tell me about it.
Us too, from the East.
Yeah.
Too bad there are limits to how much you can actually bring home from these raids.
We had to dump six slaves during our crossing.
Because of the weight.
Simply too much boobs and muscles.
You know.
Too much ballast.
By Loki! Have you been pillaging in Helheim, or what? No.
They may look a little shabby.
But this is prime merchandise.
You calling him prime merchandise? Yeah, I am.
You know, the body compensates.
So if you lose an arm, the body will make your other arm twice as strong.
Is that so? So it has nothing to say.
Makes no difference at all.
OK We're actually very thrilled that we have defective slaves.
They're going to be in great demand.
Good for you.
Of course, these slaves have a different appeal.
They're more for the connoisseurs.
Must be.
Not as commercial as yours.
So, yeah Of course, your slaves have a larger range of buyers.
But if we find the right buyer here We will truly strike it rich.
Right.
Yeah.
We'll see about that.
- See you later.
- Yeah, will do.
OK.
Come on.
OK, let's just go.
Come on! Get moving! Jarl Varg.
Arvid.
And the hand thief.
Having a snack, are we? And the prostheses? Are they working all right? Are you being fed? Anything wrong with them? No.
They're excellent.
Cutting edge.
Great.
I see you've got a lot of stash there.
Been out west again, Arvid? Yeah.
Just got back.
Great trip.
Maybe it's time you gave me that map Olav promised me? I'm going to say no to that.
You're going to break Olav's promise? Remember, breaking a promise can bring punishment.
Varg.
You're sitting there without hands, threatening me.
Isn't that a little weird? I mean, you're by definition functionally disabled.
Yeah.
You can't wage war, you can't row, you can't sail.
Can you do anything hand related at all? No.
Then what do you need that map for? I get a very "pearls for swine" feeling here.
Anyway, see you later.
Arvid.
You and I will meet again under different circumstances.
Yeah, sure.
- What do you have in mind? - Arvid, I can't start explaining that now.
Mark my words.
We will meet again.
Under different circumstances! The next time we meet, it would be pretty weird if it was right here and the circumstances were identical.
Just leave, Arvid.
Just saying.
It would be strange, right? So big! Yes, once again Thor and Odin have shown that they truly appreciate the work we do.
Because if it had been so wrong to ravage and slaughter and rape, we wouldn't be standing here today with all these wonderful spoils of war.
So on the count of three, go ahead and help yourselves! One, two, three! OK So you're giving it all away? Yeah, it was Hildur's idea.
And you know this stuff.
Yes, a chieftain has to buy loyalty.
That's how it works.
I see.
Now it's finished.
Oh, it's beautiful! - You making one in the middle? - Yeah, a third one.
I must say, Arvid, this cape is lovely! You two! - Well pillaged.
- Thank you.
Have a seat.
You should maybe have something to eat.
You have to eat for two now.
Isn't this great? What? You'd think this situation would be a little more awkward.
Not everyone would be able to handle a boyfriend living with a woman he has just sprayed tons of seed into.
No.
But you do, Frøya.
And I must say, I really respect that.
It's very generous.
You give me room to be First Lady in the village.
And I give you room to cultivate your relationship.
Even though I'm pregnant with Arvid's baby.
You just have to respect that generosity.
So true.
I mean, what the three of us have here is so unique.
It is.
HÃ¥kon? Now it's about time you start to communicate with your family.
All you do is sit and stare, all day long.
You don't play with the children anymore.
And you haven't worked for Jarl Varg since you came back from Norheim.
Will you please tell me if something's wrong? Children, run out and play.
And I'll talk to your daddy.
By Thor, tell me what happened.
Did something unpleasant happen on that trip? You know, that trip turned out to be totally Very, very difficult.
How so? - Did you have to march with blisters? - No.
Gnats? Were there so many gnats you couldn't sleep? There weren't that many gnats.
Then what was it? We got to Norheim And the first thing we had to do, was to maim and murder a bunch of the people who lived there.
- What? - Yeah.
And And then Varg insisted we ravish one of their women.
Ravish? As in Rape? With your willie? Not lick-rape? No.
He wanted us to To rape with our willie.
I must say, this is shocking.
- And Varg, of all people? - Yes.
This time he went too far.
Way too far.
Way too far.
He forced us way outside our comfort zone.
You have to do something.
You can't go on like this.
Work is something you should look forward to, not something you should dread.
You should just tell him.
I mean, it's all about communication, right? What's the worst thing that can happen? I don't know.
Now tell me, HÃ¥kon Have you ever heard of something called phantom pain? No.
Me neither.
I just had a thought I wanted to share with you.
A suggestion.
An idea.
Yes? The thing is, some of the soldiers feel that things have gone far enough.
That things have gone Gotten a little out of hand.
I mean It's OK that we're supposed to be a little rough around the edges.
But it's kind of the total picture here.
With the gruesome leadership style and evil plans.
And all that.
Maybe that's gone a tad too far? Anyway I was thinking.
Maybe we could organize a seminar? Where we can spend some time discussing where we are, where we want to be.
And things like that.
And even have a value discussion.
Excellent.
Excellent! Most people go for young, beautiful slaves, when they want to command someone to milk their lizard.
OK? Not me.
Classic mistake.
You have to go for experience.
This one has spanked the wank since before Fenrir Was shackled.
OK So if there is nothing else No, that was all.
Stop! Slow down Keep up.
Well, if it isn't Sturla Bonecrusher! Chieftain Arvid.
I found something out in the woods that may be in your interest.
All right! That will be a little exciting.
Hi, hi.
Hi, Frøya, Arvid, Hildur.
Yes, yes.
Liv? What happened to her? Liv? I don't know.
She may have been taken by wolves.
Wolves and menstruating women, you know.
It's not a good combo.
Well, that's That's tragic.
My deepest condolences to her next of kin.
That's you.
Because you're her husband.
No, I'm not.
It's not me, so Nah.
So, well What are we supposed to do with you two? Well, I was thinking maybe just forget about everything.
And just start over with a clean rune stick.
No way.
Because you back-stabbed the entire village in the back.
Ain't gonna happen.
No.
Yes, no Many unfortunate things have been said and done by both sides.
But I think if we feel really deep down, and sense, then I think we all are very regretful about what has happened.
All of us.
No.
And besides, none of those unfortunate things that happened were our fault.
Because I think we have to blame the Norns.
You know, the Norns rule the destiny of gods and men.
Oh yeah? Everyone knows that the Norns, they twine the threads of fate.
So every man's life is predetermined.
It was predetermined that we all did exactly what we all did.
Orm actually has a point here.
It's true that - Ragnar! - What? This is fate, isn't it? Sorry, I just had no control.
It's predetermined, right? I'm not so strong with laws and rules and stuff like that.
Especially when you bring the Norns into all of this.
So - Lawspeaker, what do you think about this? - Well Not everybody will like what I have to say.
But I am the Lawspeaker.
And my judgment must be respected.
There's no doubt that Orm has the hereditary right to the throne.
That's right.
That's so true, so true.
His father was a chieftain.
His brother was a chieftain.
He has chieftain blood in his veins.
Therefore Orm should be the chieftain of Norheim.
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
I'm very proud and very humble.
And I look forward to digging into my tasks as soon as I can But he has failed his people.
And has thereby disqualified himself.
- No! - Yes.
I must therefore put the law of inheritance and succession aside, and say that as long as I live Orm will be placed at the bottom of society as a slave! No, no No! You came as a slave, and you will stay one! No, no! I can do the work of a hundred men intellectually.
But zero physically! I'm a creative person! I'm even left-handed! No! No!