One Mississippi (2015) s02e01 Episode Script

1 Jambalaya, crawfish pie, file' gumbo 'Cause tonight I'm gonna see my ma chere Amie-o Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou One Mississippi 2x01 "I Want To Hold Your Hand" Hi! I cant believe you came.
Yeah, oh my gosh I was just reminded how bad you are at hugs.
I brought you some wine.
Thank you, oh I love red zinfandel.
Yeah I thought I remembered you saying that.
Here, let me introduce you to some people.
Everyone's obsessed with the show.
Well that's what friends are for.
No it's not because they're friends, they love to be critical.
God it's so nice to finally spend time with you outside of the studio.
[RAINFOREST SOUNDS.]
[THUNDER.]
[CITY TRAFFIC SOUNDS.]
[DOCTOR SOUNDS.]
[WIND.]
[CRACKING.]
Oh God, there's Brent.
Your boyfriend? Actually ex-boyfriend.
Oh.
Not that he was ever my boyfriend boyfriend.
Huh, I had this mental image of Brent.
You know, a guy who wore Polo shorts and played racket sports.
Wrong Brent.
Hey! What's up? Hey, Phoebe! This is Tig, from the show.
Hey, what's up.
Oh you know, just trying to make friends.
What happened to your arm.
Oh dude, I fell off my hover board, so lame.
Yeah.
Hey Kate! Oh I'll be right back.
Okay, so I love your show so much.
Thanks.
Your stories are so real and your taste in music, off the charts.
Thank you.
So why did you move back? Isn't LA way more exciting? Not if your idea of excitement is spending your evenings not talking much with your sixty-five-year-old step father and his cat.
I mean, really.
Me too.
Um, I came back to do the show, mostly.
You know, they give me full creative freedom here so.
Yeah.
That's so cool.
Yeah I mean there's nothing like it out here on the radio.
It's just so nice to be able to listen to someone that I can, you know, relate to.
Oh well I appreciate that.
So you want to get a drink or? Uh is there sparkling water? You crack me up, man.
Oh I'm actually female.
See? See what I mean? I thought about getting into radio, but I don't think people could deal with what I had to say.
You know? I bet.
I mean all my buddies down at work, they all tell me I should.
You know? I'm definitely the guy that everybody says, "Dude you need your own show.
" Yeah, and what do you do? What do you do for work? Music's my thing, but to pay the man, I sell high temperature textiles, mainly felt.
No one thinks about it built felt's everywhere.
It's on drum sticks, piano hammers, ballistic grated body armor.
Have you ever used a highlighter? 'Cause the tip, it's made of felt! That's what gives it that nice glide! I've never used a highlighter.
I love felt tip pens.
I'm obsessed with pens, I'm a poet, I order mostly Japanese fine tip gels online but nothing beats your classic flare.
Which now they make an ultra fine point- - Who gives a shit! Shut up! All of you! I'm trapped! Hey, I'm gonna head out.
It was so nice meeting you.
So soon? I know.
Take care.
Hey, I'm gonna head out.
Everybody was great, thanks for having me.
Oh okay.
Well great seeing you.
Yeah, okay.
Okay bye.
Bye.
[SCOFFS.]
Oh my God.
Oh my God I'm so stupid.
[CHUCKLES.]
what wondrous love is this oh my soul oh my soul what wondrous love is this oh my soul what wondrous love is this that cause the lord of bliss to bear the breath of Hey! Hi.
Such a great sermon, huh? Yeah so good! Yeah it made me so hopeful about, I don't know, things getting better.
He's really good at applying the gospel to what's going on.
It's such a relief to feel like yes, someone is in charge up there.
You know, wanted what's best for us.
Yeah, I mean Catholicism could be problematic obviously but I love the rituals so much.
I know it like connects you to this ancient tradition.
It's very poetic.
Yeah I love that image that he said of having Jesus in your heart like a crying candle in the darkness.
Carrying? Carrying a candle into darkness.
Oh that's so much better! Sorry I'm still trying to figure out what he's saying.
You know, especially the Vietnamese parts.
There are no Vietnamese parts, it's all in English.
None of it's in Vietnamese? Remy.
Sorry I'm getting it thought! I swear! Hey are you going to Civil War Practice tomorrow? I mean I could drive you.
Oh okay, great, sure.
No of course, come on in, oh yeah, he's in the kitchen.
Hey Bill, I found these two interlopers on your property.
Tig, I don't think you're taking recycling very seriously, it concerns me.
Bill, you have guests.
Hello Bill! Hello Mellie hello Beulah.
Hey Bill, happy great American's Day.
Great American's Day? Oh that's what they're calling Martin Luther King Day in Biloxi now.
As of when? Oh this morning, because you know, it's Robert E.
Lee's birthday as well.
I don't even know how to respond to that.
Well I think it's right that they honor both sides.
You mean good and evil? Well, it's all part of life, Tig.
All righty.
Well uh now that we have that cleared up, I'm gonna go ahead and try to make it out to my car again.
Good bye all.
Bye Tig I like your hair growing out, Tig! Oh it's just wet.
Oh.
Um, Bill, we just stopped by to see if you maybe would like to the senior citizen center with us today.
Well we figured that you were off work for the holiday.
That's very kind of you but I can't.
I need to stay home to listen to Tig's program.
Oh.
We can listen to it at the senior center.
Oh of course, of course! You come with us, and we'll all listen to it together.
That's very kind of you.
I will join.
That's wonderful! Would you like to drive with us? No.
Thank you, I prefer to use my own vehicle.
Oh this is going to be such a hoot! I'll save you a seat.
That won't be necessary.
Whoever arrives first deserves the better seat.
Yes sir.
All right, well we'll see you there.
All right, bye.
Hey.
Oh I need to fix that, sorry.
So where on the fix it list is this? I know.
You know, Brent said he had a nice time talking to you.
Yeah he did.
Was it purely physical attraction or did you actually enjoy his company? I mean, what was going on there? I don't know.
I mean sometimes I feel like I'm fooled by the charming narcissist.
For some reason I find them insanely attractive sexually.
And I'm perfect for them you know, because I have a natural curiosity.
So I enable them with questions and it just becomes this magical dance of sex and information until it hits that point where the narcissism crystalizes into the personality disorder that it actually is and then the sex just becomes riddled with childhood issues and it all just gets very dark.
Sounds hot, sign me up.
Okay, so we have anew sponsor.
Barbara's Beauty Salon and Pig Slaughter.
Come on down to Barbara's Beauty Salon and Pig Slaughter.
Go hog wild for a twelve dollar cut and curl, tell 'em Twigs sent you and we'll throw in a free ham and mayo sandwich.
I mean how desperate are we for sponsors.
You know; they were actually a pretty big get.
People love that place.
And speaking of desperate, I haven't Ben paid in awhile.
Oh shit, yeah I got to get on that.
You? Wouldn't that be something payroll would handle? I'm basically payroll, I'm basically everything.
What about the owner, Ol' Smokey Lonesome? I haven't seen or heard from him since his whole tampon clog toilet situation.
Is this where I ask a follow up question? No.
- But just - No.
- But I'm so cu - No I guess I'll just leave it to my imagination.
It's an honor of Caroline and her excellence in fundraising.
How wonderful.
She really was something, wasn't she.
She certainly was.
And what a pretty oak.
I've never known a woman with such elegance and grace.
Yes.
Yes.
Caroline and Beulah, the most elegant two in any room.
Well it's hard when you're a short person.
Everyone, gather around, it's time for Tig's show! Who? Turn it up! Bill! Next up in the noon hour, Tig Bavoro with her signature blend of story telling and music.
It's so nice to have you here.
To all of our listeners in Biloxi.
A very happy, great American Day to you.
Isn't that so insane? I mean those guys didn't even have the same birthday.
You know, with all of the um discussion about great men, not so great men, it's reminding me of this guy Steve who seemed like he was not great but was actually kind of great.
And it's essentially a story about the time that I should have been molested but was not.
Now I know, nobody should be molested.
But this just had all of the elements leading to that possibility.
I was twelve years old, I would ride my skateboard past his house near daily and with all the hammering and sawing I was just always curious what he was building.
So one day I wondered up in his drive and he was making the most beautiful toys and furniture.
And he abruptly stopped and looked at his watch and said, "Oh my gosh, Little House on the Prairie is about to start" And-I responded like oh my gosh I love Little House on the Prairie too! And he said well do you want to come in and watch with me.
And so I did, I went in, and there I sat, a twelve-year-old little girl with a greasy ball hair cut next to this single forty-year-old man in a filthy pair of overalls and just watched Little House on the Prairie.
No more, no less, not getting molested.
Well you know, I was almost molested too.
What is this a competition now? Let's hear yours.
Like when I was in high school I played field hockey and one day, my coach informed everybody that he could tell who was on their period based on a scent they gave off.
No.
I know.
No, no, no, I'm saying like no he could not tell but also no, that's wrong.
I know.
And so he had everybody line up and he went down the line smelling everybody's private areas.
Got it.
And what's so crazy is at the time, I didn't even realize what he was doing was weird.
I was just keeping score in my head to see how many he got right.
Which, by the way, he was getting them all wrong.
Well of course.
And by the way, you were molested.
Right, but I mean, not really though.
Yeah really.
But I mean that kind of thing happened to me all the time, it happens to everyone all the time.
Like what? What are you talking about? Like when I went to camp, there was a counselor who always volunteered to play basketball with us and he would grab everyone's boobs while on defense.
And then when I was in high school, I went on a trip and we were all swimming and the male teachers were trying to grab all of our bathing suits and pull them off of us.
I mean this list is endless.
I am so sorry that you went through all of that.
Oh I mean thanks but I'm not traumatized by it or anything.
As far as you know.
But I mean, I just thought of them as gross people.
And they aren't they're gross people.
They are not great Americans, that's for sure.
No, not like Robert E.
Lee.
You know with that, let's play your best American Girl by the great Japanese American recording artist, Mitski.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
Oh such disrespect! Those people gave their lives for a cause! I wondered if it was Steve, the Bronx boy on scenic avenue, he's got a tattoo! I can't stop thinking about Steve.
Did you want his number? I just feel like there's so much more to that story, you know, like maybe you're blocking something out or he was grooming you or something.
No, I'm telling you, I'm hypersensitive about this kind of thing.
What do you mean? I don't mean to be braggadocios.
But if you must know, I was molested just not by Steve.
Wait really? Yeah by my step grandfather for pretty much my entire childhood.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Well I've blamed you for years but- - That's so horrible.
Yeah it was definitely traumatizing but I did a lot of work around it and went to therapy.
You know, I persist.
You really do.
Yeah.
God, that's so much worse than everything I was talking about.
It's all bad.
Here's to another victorious battle, my friend.
Undefeated.
Hey Patrick, sorry for not tending to your wounds fast enough.
I lost my footing.
No sweat, just don't fuck up again.
Let me die or whatever.
I highly doubt that will happen, Vicky is our top nurse.
Yeah but why are you even here? Pardon? Well you know, there weren't any Chinese people in the Civil War.
Are you playing like a white person or what? I'm Vietnamese, and actually there were Chinese soldiers in the Civil War, quite a few.
Oh.
So our characters are probably fucking concubines.
Hats off.
Jay! Hey guys.
Your friend is a real class act.
Don't listen to him, he doesn't know any better.
Why is he saying it now? We both been doing reenactments for years.
So.
'Cause he has permission now, to be racist.
No he's just- It's like how you overlook the bad parts of Catholicism.
That's not the same thing at all.
Why not.
Who did you even vote for? Oh no, don't blame me.
I didn't even vote! You did nothing to stop a racist bully from becoming president.
There are other issues and not everybody who voted for him is a racist either.
Anyone who accepts racism is a racist! I think that's a bit extreme.
Well I think you're ignorant then.
I think you know I'm not ignorant.
All right, lay it on me.
Clearly, you and Remy do not understand proper dish wash loading procedure.
Tupperware goes on top, it will melt on the bottom.
And the spoons, they need to be separated otherwise they sit inside each other and do not receive the proper wash.
You know, I do not know what to say, Bill.
I don't share your passion once again, but I will try to do better.
I heard your radio program at the senior center today.
Great.
I was humiliated.
Why? Will you please leave me out of your stories.
You weren't in my story.
It's implied, I am your parent.
Well I'm sorry to say but as my parent, you're essentially in all my stories.
Remy, come over here.
I need to go over dish washer procedure with you.
I haven't even set my stuff down yet, Bill.
He's already gone over everything with me so if you have any questions, let me know.
I'm here for you.
[RINGING.]
Tupperware goes on top, it'll melt on the bottom.
Hi Tig! Hi.
You know, we were listening to your program at the senior center today and I was reminded of a time when I was a young girl at my debutant ball.
And I had danced my shoe right off and I couldn't find it anymore.
And so we were searching and searching and this young gentlemen, he was carrying me.
You know, so I wouldn't get my pantyhose all dirty.
Sure.
And well he was trying to help me locate my shoe but all the while he was moving his hand about my figure.
You know, he was feeling my hips and the side of my bosom and grabbing my derriere.
Oh dear, well, finally we found the shoe and he just put me down.
It was a real Cinderella story.
He sounds like a real prince.
Yeah, well it was a long time ago.
Anyhow, is Bill home? 'Cause I thought maybe he'd be interested in joining our book club.
Oh.
I thought it might be good for him.
You know, it might open up his imagination.
You know that's impossible, right? Bill! Tig, don't shout from room to room.
Come find the person you need and address them directly.
What if there's an emergency and I can't find anybody.
You look for them until you do.
Well what if I've been tied up by a monster and left for dead in the garage.
Tig.
What? You never know.
So how are things with Vicky? Oh they're not.
Yeah we got talking politics and now I got to quit the church.
Well that's why we separate church and state.
How's it going with your love life? You getting anywhere with straight Kate? I think she's into me but I'm definitely getting some mixed signals.
You just got to make a move.
That's what I do.
That way, if they like you, they're flattered, and if they don't you know right away.
No, you see you're missing the part where they end up not liking you because you've prematurely made a move.
That's too much thinking for me.
I play the long game.
Okay in your world, how will you know when it's the right time to make a move? I mean at this point, she's essentially have to run up to me, full speed and just put her face right in my face.
Well, well, well.
Beulah seems to be coming by here often.
Yeah and I've never seen her wear that red lip stick before.
Yes I think that might be a new touch.
So what are you maybe an item? No, of course not.
I'm finished with all that.
I was married.
Till death do us part.
But death did do you part.
Still, the sentiment is the same.
All right, who is placing those mugs in the bottom rack? Oh it was me.
No it wasn't, It wasn't? It was me.
No it was me.
No, Remy I did it.
Tig did it.
Hi! Hi.
Hey, my friend, Phoebe, you know who you met at the party? The one in the fedora hat? Yes in the fedora hat.
She wanted me to give you her number if you're interested.
So that's what you came running towards me to say? She really likes you.
Well I detest hats.
But I'll take her number.
[SOFT MUSIC.]
yep