PEN15 (2019) s02e01 Episode Script
Pool
1
ANNA: Last time on "Pen15"
MAYA: Oh, my God, Na, seventh grade!
It's gonna be so amazing.
It's gonna be really, really good.
It's gonna be like the best year of our lives.
Maya, what the fuck did you do to your hair? - UGIS! - UGIS! - Wait, what? - It means ugliest girl in school.
- ANNA: Here comes Brandt.
- MAYA: He's so cute.
[WHISPERING.]
Is Alex looking at me? - MAYA: No.
- He'll probably look at me later.
I'm, uh, I'm Brendan.
I burned this for you.
ANNA: I guess he, like, loves me or whatever.
[WHISPERING.]
You have a boyfriend! ANNA: He put his lips, like, all the way around mine and sucked.
Well, at least you've, like, had your first kiss.
But I wish that I hadn't.
- MAYA: I feel, like, older.
- ANNA: I know, me too.
MAYA: [CRYING.]
I don't wanna do seventh grade.
ANNA: I'm not doing seventh grade by myself.
I don't know how to say this.
Your dad and I, we're getting a divorce.
ANNA: Everything's just different, and I just have to break up with him.
- [DIAL-UP CONNECTION BEEPS.]
- Welcome.
MAYA: Oh, my God, some random guy just IM'd me again.
Flymiamibro22.
Hey, hottie.
What u look like.
I'm about to meet him after school.
You haven't met him in person yet? MAYA: Well, no, we've talked on AIM.
JAFEER: He's probably some warty old dude and lives with his mother.
It's me.
I'm Flymiamibro22.
- Oh, God.
[CRYING.]
Oh, my God.
- SAM: Maya! Alex, will you dance with me? No.
What did you just say to Alex? GIRL: That's so messed up.
She took you under her wing.
BRANDT: Nice moves, UGIS.
Want me to finger you? Yeah.
[ANNA GIGGLES.]
You have both really hard nips.
I love you.
And I love you too.
- Don't tell anyone.
- Yeah.
[PEN SCRATCHING.]
MAYA: Okay, and I'm adding for you 2,000 kids.
ANNA: [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, my God.
- Maya, you're copying me.
- MAYA: [SCOFFS.]
I'm doing it.
Okay, tell me when to stop.
ANNA: Stop.
Okay.
12.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 [WHISPERING.]
Okay, you're not with Brendan.
Ugh.
Oh, my God, I don't want to be mean, but he's like obsessed with me, so - MAYA: He's literally obsessed with you.
- [LAUGHS.]
I know.
Okay, wait, okay, okay.
So you live in a mansion, which is amazing.
- Yes! - Ooh! A BMW 8 Series! You have four kids.
You were literally one away from getting Alex, which is crazy.
I just feel like I want him a little bit less right now 'cause he dissed me at the dance or whatever, so MAYA: Such an asshole.
Should we even, like, go to Spencer's pool party? Like, who's even gonna be there? - Just gonna be Sam - ANNA: Ugh.
- Gabe, Jafeer I just - ANNA: Yeah.
- Maybe we just stop in.
- Yeah, like for literally a second.
Let's just, like, say hi, be seen, and then like, "Bye-bye, we got places to go.
" - Just "bye-bye.
" - MAYA: I don't know, like, no offense, but I think we're too good for it.
Like, we're too good for it.
- Mom, straight.
- Yeah, straight.
- Straight! - It's straight.
KATHY: Okay, one, two, three [HISSES.]
[MOANS.]
Ohh ANNA: I just think the real thing is that we've changed.
- MAYA: Yeah, it's so weird.
- ANNA: Yeah.
MAYA: Yeah! Like, after this weekend, I think we are on another level.
- Okay, my other ear.
- Okay.
ANNA: Yeah, I'm just keeping my my options open.
MAYA: You should keep your options open.
You're literally the hottest I've ever seen you.
- ANNA: [LAUGHING.]
What? - MAYA: Anna, I swear! - ANNA: Yeah.
- MAYA: You're at your hottest.
- Yeah.
- MAYA: We, like, had Brandt J.
freaking like touch us up at the same time.
- Like, it's crazy.
- That's true.
Aah! [CRYING.]
It burns, it burns! Wait, you haven't told anyone, though, right? 'Cause Brandt said not to.
Oh, my God, I swear to God, no.
Wash it off now! ANNA: Okay, so you have a limo made of diamonds.
- MAYA: Oh, my God, yes.
- And 2,000 babies.
Wait what? [LAUGHING.]
No! 2,000? - That's crazy! - You almost got Sam.
- I just crossed out Sam.
- Oh, thank God.
He's a psycho.
- ANNA: Oh my God.
- Stop! Who? You got Brandt.
No, I didn't! No, I didn't! Are you kidding? - Wait, are you kidding? - No, you got Brandt.
- Aaah! I knew it! - ANNA: [LAUGHING.]
Okay.
But you live in a shack with 2,000 babies.
- Do you wanna sign for this life? - Okay, I mean, that's tough because it's 2,000 babies in a shack - Right.
- MAYA: But, like, it just means I get to kiss him 2,000 times so, yeah, I sign for this life.
Oh, you slut bag! Anna, shut up.
I'm gonna go, okay? - 'Cause I wanna get ready.
- ANNA: All right, love you.
- MAYA: Okay, love you.
- Bye, bitch.
MAYA: Bye! [PHONE BELL DINGS.]
THREE 6 MAFIA: Slob on my knob Like corn on the cob [MAYA RAPPING ALONG.]
Juicy is my name Sex is my game - Let's call the boys - [MAYA MUTTERING.]
BOTH: Let's run a train Squeeze on my nuts, lick on my butt - The natural curly hair - [MUTTERING GIBBERISH.]
Please don't touch What's up, Brandt? [CHUCKLES.]
Wait.
[LAUGHS.]
Stop.
You you've been thinking about me? I've I've been thinking about you too.
Yeah.
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND.]
Sam, wait.
Literally back off! Like, I'm in the middle of something.
[SOFTLY.]
Sorry.
That was really good.
Okay, now your turn.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, now you both kiss.
[WILL SMITH'S GETTIN' JIGGY WIT IT PLAYS.]
WILL: Whoo, uh, uh Uh, uh Haha, haha On your mark, ready, set, let's go Dance floor pro, I know you know I go psycho When my new joint hit Just can't sit, gotta get jiggy wit it - Ooh, that's it - MAYA: Let's go.
- Maya, the door! - MAYA: Mom, get it.
- Hi, girls.
- BOTH: Hi! They're all out back.
Hey, and no walking in the house with wet suits on, okay? - BOTH: 'Kay.
- All right, go have a good time.
- BOTH: Thanks.
- ISAAC: Yo, Mom.
- Where's my hat? - ANNA: Do you have the cigarettes? MAYA: No.
Damn it! WILL: Make it feel like foreplay Yo, my cardio is infinite SPENCER: Hey, what's up? What are you guys doing? [POPPING SOUNDS.]
No, okay, don't don't flick too hard, just The thing is, if I don't flick too hard, then - Okay - It's not making any noise.
Okay, so just find the drum of your cheek and just [POPPING.]
- Just flick casually.
- [SNORTING.]
[POPPING CONTINUES.]
SINGERS: Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na WILL: What? You want to ball with the kid? - [OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
- Watch your step, you might fall Trying to do what I did, mama, uh, mama, uh, come closer So what I'm saying is, weasels can technically kill prey bigger than them.
Including rabbits and squirrels.
No, it's only a certain species of weasels, though, idiot.
- But it says here - Don't look up.
Don't look up.
Maya just got here.
WILL: For the flavor of a crowd-pleaser KIMBERLY: Now, what did I tell you? No wet suits inside.
Now turn around and skedaddle.
WILL: Ride in my whips South to the West to the East to the North Bought my hits and watch them go off, a go off - In the winter or the - SINGERS: Summertime WILL: I makes it hot, gettin' jiggy wit 'em SINGERS: Na, na, na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na, na - WILL: Gettin' jiggy wit it - SINGERS: Na, na, na, na, na MAYA: I'm gonna literally kill him - ANNA: Oh, sorry.
- WILL: Getting jiggy wit it SINGERS: Na, na, na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na, na [SONG FADES.]
- Oh, my God, it's freezing.
- Do I look okay? Yeah.
You look so hot.
How 'bout me? Does my bleach look okay? - You look like a frickin' hairless model.
- Okay.
MAYA: Oh my God.
Na, Brendan is staring at you.
- Literally staring.
- ANNA: Oh, my God.
I feel smothered by him.
- MAYA: I know.
- ANNA: Like, we are not a thing.
Move on.
[SIGHS.]
There are, like, no prospects here.
No, I know.
Maybe we should just like stay five minutes and then leave.
That's all I thought we were doing here.
Okay, yeah.
Five minutes.
Just five minutes.
There's nobody here that I wanna see.
Yeah, for sure.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
ANNA: Do you want me to go say something to him? - Who? - Sam.
Oh, my God.
He keeps looking at you.
No, he isn't.
Stop.
ANNA: I'm gonna go say something to him.
- No.
- He needs to know that you cannot be someone else on AIM.
It's illegal.
Okay, fine, like I don't want any drama, but just like say something to him and, like, make it seem like I don't care, 'cause I don't.
Oh, I know you don't care.
- I don't care.
- [LAUGHING.]
I know.
So then just like don't make any drama.
- Just, like, do it.
Whatever.
- Okay.
I think I should also just go to Brendan, then.
It's time to move on.
- Okay.
- Like, honestly, it's time.
- Okay.
- Like, I'm I'm ready.
- Maya, no drama.
- Okay, no drama.
Sss ANNA: Hey.
What's up? What's up? Um, I just wanted to have a mature conversation with you, if you're all about it, just address the elephants in the basement.
Sure.
ANNA: Um I just think it's really messed up that you pretended to be somebody else on AIM.
Like who does that? And we just think you're a tool.
So [LAUGHING.]
just super weird because you used to be our best friend.
Well, there's two sides to every story.
- Oh, yeah? - SAM: Yeah.
So you're not gonna apologize.
Are you seriously not gonna apologize? Maybe I already did apologize.
But she didn't tell you that, though, right? Okay, maybe she did.
Maybe she did not.
All I know is that she's my best friend on God's green frickin' earth, and I love her, and she would never lie to me.
Ever.
Well, we're kinda in the middle of something here.
Okay, what are you in the middle of? I'm sorry.
Oh, it's it's weasels.
See, I made this whole magazine.
- JAFEER: Yeah.
- GABE: See, uh, this is one that I drew.
See, it's got buck teeth - and it's got - You guys have to grow up.
Like, do you think that this is gonna fly in eighth grade? You have to be more mature.
[MOCKINGLY.]
Okay? [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
'Sup? - Hi.
- Um [SIGHS.]
basically, I'm here to tell you that Anna's over you.
And she's just, like, done, and she doesn't want anything to do with you, and you just gotta move on, and I'm sorry.
That's that's fine.
I'm dating Marissa H.
Okay.
Cool.
So, what, you're like wait! That's Icebox.
You're dating Icebox? [SIGHS.]
She prefers Marissa H.
And just so you know, she did not masturbate with ice.
- Yeah, right.
- BRENDAN: In fourth grade, she was dared to put an ice cube in her underwear.
[SIGHS.]
That rumor's very heavily exaggerated.
Whatever.
I've we can have different opinions on what happened, but, like, basically, all you need to know is you need to just, like, end it with Anna.
What? [MUTTERS.]
It's a good chat.
Sorry I hurt your feelings.
Brendan's totally over you.
- Completely.
- [LAUGHS.]
He is, he's dating Icebox now, I guess.
What? - I didn't know that.
- Yeah.
I didn't even know he was into girls like that, so But, like, she's a slut bag.
Yeah, at least I'm not like that.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
- Yeah, I don't care.
- MAYA: It doesn't matter.
- It doesn't matter.
It's Icebox.
- I don't care! Like "I put ice in my vagina!" [LAUGHING.]
- Wow.
- And she's a slut.
You have, like, so many better options, and it doesn't matter.
- Yeah, I do, I have a lot.
- You have so many options.
So let's just leave.
- Yeah, let's go.
- Right? Let's go.
This place sucks.
Blows.
- No stop, stop! - [DREAMY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
- ANNA: Is that Brandt? - MAYA: No, no, no, no.
- MAYA: Stop, stop, stop - ANNA: [WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY.]
- BRANDT: Want me to finger you? - MAYA: Yeah.
BRANDT: You have both really hard nips.
- I love you.
- MAYA: And I love you too.
Stop, stop, stop.
- Oh, my God, stop, stop! - Stop, stop, Anna, stop it! [COUGHS.]
Brandt Stop! [WAILS.]
- ANNA: Go talk to him.
- MAYA: No, you talk to him.
- ANNA: Do you think he's here for you? - No! - Go! - Yes, I don't know! Maybe.
- ANNA: He is here for you.
- MAYA: Okay, it's like, okay.
- ANNA: Go now.
- MAYA: Okay I don't know.
Okay, yeah.
- BRANDT: Hey, what's up, man? - What's up? - He's here for Isaac.
- He's here for ANNA: [WHISPERING.]
He's here for Isaac.
He doesn't know you're here.
Ow.
- Go.
- MAYA: Oh, my God, okay.
You're gonna get your first frickin' kiss go.
Okay, all right.
This is happening.
Let's just frickin' go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Absolutely no coming in the house while you're wet.
I told you guys that.
- We're not wet.
- Yes, you are.
I can still see a little bit of water on you.
So dry off, okay? - Sorry.
- We'll take care of it.
There's a towel.
- MAYA: Sorry! - Thank you.
KIMBERLY: Thanks, girls.
Sneak in, sneak in.
Come, come Nope.
Still too wet.
MAYA: Ow.
My God, she just like [INDISTINCT BACKGROUND CHATTER.]
- Am I dry yet? - BRANDT: Cannonball! Cannonball! [SLOW ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
'Sup? [SIGHS.]
It's kinda funny you're here right now.
How? It's so lame here! It's my friend's party, so it's kinda cool, actually.
Yeah, it is pretty cool.
Haven't, like seen you since the dance or like talked to you, it seems like.
We haven't, so that's probably why.
MAYA: Yeah.
Have you, um have you thought about what happened on Friday? I don't what are you talking about? [LAUGHS.]
You're being so funny right now.
You know, like - Brandt! - The fuck.
MAYA: [GIGGLES.]
- Sorry.
- BRANDT: Jesus.
Like when me, you, and [WHISPERING.]
Anna, like, went into the closet and you, like, up and down, in circles Remember how hard-nipped I got BRANDT: Nope.
That didn't happen.
What what do you mean, it didn't happen? That Brandt.
Are you f I'm so sorry.
[PANTING.]
What's goin' on? He said it didn't happen.
What didn't happen? Like I was just trying to talk to Brandt - about how we did second base - Yeah.
And he, like, didn't know what I was talking about.
[LAUGHS.]
What? Like, he said it didn't happen.
- That's a lie.
- I know, right? - Like, we did it.
- Yeah, he was freaking there.
- That little freaking asshole.
- I mean, we did it, like, we put the hands up and down - and we did the circle motions, everything.
- All around.
- And like one hand on your boob - It was.
And one hand on my boob, and he, like, didn't know - what I was talking about.
- And then there were the circles.
Well, it happened.
Why would he lie about that? I don't know.
Do you think it's 'cause he thinks I'm ugly or something? No.
Be honest.
No! If he does, he's a psychopath.
It happened, and I think I know who saw.
Hey, Brendan.
Um, I just wanted to touch base with you.
I know that little rude to you earlier.
And she can just be that way sometimes.
But I heard that you're going out with someone new, and that's fine.
It doesn't change what we had or what we went through together.
- What? - Say it.
Um also, like, you know how when, at the dance, like when Brandt just pulled us away from you? We were we were, like, grinding and then he was like, "No! You come here.
" Do you remember that? 'Cause he's saying that that didn't happen.
I'm like, "It did.
" It did, right, it did? I don't wanna get involved with the drama, Anna.
I-I've moved on.
I suggest you do too.
Oh, yeah.
No, I know [LAUGHS.]
To Marissa H.
I haven't heard one bad thing about her, so Me and her have a really good rhythm with our kissing.
Peace.
- [CHAIR SCRAPING LIGHTLY.]
- ANNA: Peace.
BRENDAN: Good-bye.
So somebody saw.
- No - Someone here has seen, so we need to go up to people, and we have to get proof.
No, but Brandt said in the closet not to tell anyone.
He's gonna get mad.
Please don't.
Maya, who cares? Okay.
Okay, fine, okay.
We're gonna go up to people.
We're gonna get proof.
We're just not gonna let them know everything that happened.
We're not gonna give it all away.
Me and Anna and Brandt went into a closet.
Nothing happened.
Nothing happened, okay? I'll say a word, and you tell me the first thing that comes to your mind loset.
- Deposit.
- Do you know who Brandt is? He was just showing up a second ago.
He had a butt cut and he was saying hello.
[ATTENTIVE JAZZ MUSIC.]
- Mafoset.
- And we basically hooked up.
I'm not gonna say what it rhymes with, but it's second base.
You ever seen three people together? We touched each other, but on the chest, nothing else.
And he said it didn't happen, but it did.
You ever been to a dance? If you say no, I don't believe you.
You bitch I know you're lying to me right now.
He went up and down, and then he did circle motions.
And then he did circle motions.
Motion and a motion on the boobies, you know what I mean? Maybe he does love me, 'cause he went up and down a little bit more on me.
I knew it.
It's so weird.
But then he said "I love you," and then I said I love you back and then now he's taking it back, and now I don't know what it means, and so I guess I'm just asking you [WHISPERS.]
'cause you're his best friend, like what does that mean? You just told me, right? You should go talk to Brandt.
Ca-can you tell me where he is? He's in my room.
ANNOUNCER: From the start, clearly the aggressor on Ziggo.
ANNOUNCER 2: Ziggo spinning and spinning [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
On the back Undercover Got caught with the mother Fuckin' with the rubber Motherfu Oh, hey.
[ANNOUNCERS CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY.]
ANNOUNCER: There goes the ramp.
The wheel is off.
- ANNOUNCER 2: Oh! - ANNOUNCER: And now look at this.
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
'Sup? Do you want me to leave? Be honest.
It's like I'm stalking you or something.
[LAUGHING.]
Do not turn your back Oh, he turned his back! MAYA: Oh, whoa.
[ANNOUNCERS CONTINUE SHOUTING ON TV.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- This is the final slap of humiliation.
[ANNOUNCERS CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY.]
Were you just joking when you said that the three-way in the closet didn't happen? What? Yeah, whatever.
So you're saying it happened.
Yeah.
Whatever.
- Okay.
- ANNOUNCER: That is all Ziggo just tearin' up that wood like a beaver on speed.
Wait, I'm, like, so sorry I came up to you in the pool like that.
- I'm so lame.
- BRANDT: Yeah.
Whatever.
It's cool.
I still think you're, like, pretty or whatever.
So could you move? Cutie? Okay.
I'll sit down.
ANNOUNCER: I'm missing a whole lot of examples.
But you fought hard because you lost to this man right here, Ziggo, Jonathan.
COMPETITOR: Yes, yes, I know pretty well, so ANNOUNCER: It was impressive.
I want you guys, though, to shake hands.
Spencer saw it all, motherfucker! Anna, he already said it.
Get out! He just said it happened.
Oh, you can get out.
He said it happened.
MAYA: Get out.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Sorry.
Looks like it's just the three of us again.
I'm really glad that you guys have made up.
[GIRLS GIGGLING.]
So you said that it happened, hmm? - Yeah.
- Yes, okay? Just keep your mouth shut about it.
I don't want that getting out.
- ANNA: Yeah.
- Okay.
Nobody knows.
[BOTH MURMURING.]
But I didn't tell anybody - I didn't tell - Do you tell But he just maybe said I'm perfect Guys, I'm trying to watch this.
KIMBERLY: Who's in there? MAYA: [WHISPERING.]
Oh, my God.
What are you doing in Isaac's room with the door closed? And is that a wet bathing suit? - Sorry.
- Sorry.
KIMBERLY: Out.
- ANNA: Sorry.
- KIMBERLY: Yeah.
I'll just follow the wet footprints, okay? ANNOUNCER: And it's a wheel of misfortune - spinning at 500 kilometers an hour.
- [SNIFFLES.]
Nightmare is the most aggressive BattleBot - in the competition and - [WHISTLE BLOWS.]
COACH: Around the cones, people, around the cones! MAYA: Wasn't Brandt supposed to be in this class? ANNA: You are, like, so in love, it's crazy.
Why? What's on that little mind? Nothing.
What's on that little mind? - Stop! - COACH: Kone, Ishii-Peters! You see everyone else movin'? What you doing? - We are! - We are.
- Keep it movin', let's go! - ANNA: Sorry.
I was thinking I would maybe put something in Brandt's locker today to, like, remind him of me, - but is that crazy? - No, I love that.
So desperate for some water right now.
SINGER: La la la la la la La la la La la la la la la la la la La la la Yeah, then go get some! I could get you some.
Okay, he is like obsessed with you I'm not kidding.
- This is so crazy.
- Slutty-dutty doo Slutty-dutty doo doo KID: Fucking slut.
- Slut? - JENNA: Anna, Maya.
Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second? Just people have been talking, and I thought you should know.
- Okay, Jenna - Okay, Maya, I'll get to you in a second.
Anna, at the dance, you were freaking with everyone.
Uh, Maya, you too! You were so desperate trying to get Sam's attention all night.
And then you had a three-some with Brandt, and that's fucked up.
- [SCOFFS.]
- What, uh - a th - That didn't happen.
Who did you hear that from? - ANNA: Yeah, where did you hear that? - 'Cause I didn't do that.
I didn't - Yeah, I didn't do it either.
- We didn't do that.
I mean, it's pretty obvious.
- That's absolutely nasty.
- Actually crazy, like crazy, crazy, crazy! - You're crazy.
- Okay, yeah, whatever.
Just thought you should know that everyone is saying that you're desperate sluts.
And what makes me really sad is that you've changed.
Like, a lot.
Didn't happen.
Yeah, Jenna, you don't know what you're talking about! ANNA: I don't like her.
She's crazy.
Do you think I've changed? Who? - Do you think I've changed.
- You? Yeah.
Do you? I think that we all change all the time and that that's just normal.
- So you do! - I don't know how to answer this.
You think I've changed - like in a bad way.
- I don't know how to answer this! Mostly good, mostly good! - Oh, my God.
- No, mostly good.
It's just when we were at the dance, like you were, like, grinding with just a few more people than me, and like when we were having the fight, I looked across the gym and you were, like, three-waying kind of with Gabe and Jafeer.
But so you're saying I had two three-ways that night? Did I have two threesomes that night? You had two, but I had one.
Like, who am I? So then I'm more of a slut than you! That's what you're saying right now! No, I'm saying if you are, then I am too 'cause No, you haven't changed.
You just did one.
- No, I'm just saying that we - Oh, my God.
I get why people are saying this about us.
So we're desperate sluts.
Great.
And now everyone knows and Brandt's gonna be so mad.
He's gonna hate us.
Brandt's a slut too.
Ha.
No, he's just a player.
Oh, yeah.
MAYA: He's just a player.
[SOFT, PENSIVE MUSIC.]
It's gonna be really, really good.
It's gonna be like the best year of our lives.
Maya, what the fuck did you do to your hair? - UGIS! - UGIS! - Wait, what? - It means ugliest girl in school.
- ANNA: Here comes Brandt.
- MAYA: He's so cute.
[WHISPERING.]
Is Alex looking at me? - MAYA: No.
- He'll probably look at me later.
I'm, uh, I'm Brendan.
I burned this for you.
ANNA: I guess he, like, loves me or whatever.
[WHISPERING.]
You have a boyfriend! ANNA: He put his lips, like, all the way around mine and sucked.
Well, at least you've, like, had your first kiss.
But I wish that I hadn't.
- MAYA: I feel, like, older.
- ANNA: I know, me too.
MAYA: [CRYING.]
I don't wanna do seventh grade.
ANNA: I'm not doing seventh grade by myself.
I don't know how to say this.
Your dad and I, we're getting a divorce.
ANNA: Everything's just different, and I just have to break up with him.
- [DIAL-UP CONNECTION BEEPS.]
- Welcome.
MAYA: Oh, my God, some random guy just IM'd me again.
Flymiamibro22.
Hey, hottie.
What u look like.
I'm about to meet him after school.
You haven't met him in person yet? MAYA: Well, no, we've talked on AIM.
JAFEER: He's probably some warty old dude and lives with his mother.
It's me.
I'm Flymiamibro22.
- Oh, God.
[CRYING.]
Oh, my God.
- SAM: Maya! Alex, will you dance with me? No.
What did you just say to Alex? GIRL: That's so messed up.
She took you under her wing.
BRANDT: Nice moves, UGIS.
Want me to finger you? Yeah.
[ANNA GIGGLES.]
You have both really hard nips.
I love you.
And I love you too.
- Don't tell anyone.
- Yeah.
[PEN SCRATCHING.]
MAYA: Okay, and I'm adding for you 2,000 kids.
ANNA: [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, my God.
- Maya, you're copying me.
- MAYA: [SCOFFS.]
I'm doing it.
Okay, tell me when to stop.
ANNA: Stop.
Okay.
12.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 [WHISPERING.]
Okay, you're not with Brendan.
Ugh.
Oh, my God, I don't want to be mean, but he's like obsessed with me, so - MAYA: He's literally obsessed with you.
- [LAUGHS.]
I know.
Okay, wait, okay, okay.
So you live in a mansion, which is amazing.
- Yes! - Ooh! A BMW 8 Series! You have four kids.
You were literally one away from getting Alex, which is crazy.
I just feel like I want him a little bit less right now 'cause he dissed me at the dance or whatever, so MAYA: Such an asshole.
Should we even, like, go to Spencer's pool party? Like, who's even gonna be there? - Just gonna be Sam - ANNA: Ugh.
- Gabe, Jafeer I just - ANNA: Yeah.
- Maybe we just stop in.
- Yeah, like for literally a second.
Let's just, like, say hi, be seen, and then like, "Bye-bye, we got places to go.
" - Just "bye-bye.
" - MAYA: I don't know, like, no offense, but I think we're too good for it.
Like, we're too good for it.
- Mom, straight.
- Yeah, straight.
- Straight! - It's straight.
KATHY: Okay, one, two, three [HISSES.]
[MOANS.]
Ohh ANNA: I just think the real thing is that we've changed.
- MAYA: Yeah, it's so weird.
- ANNA: Yeah.
MAYA: Yeah! Like, after this weekend, I think we are on another level.
- Okay, my other ear.
- Okay.
ANNA: Yeah, I'm just keeping my my options open.
MAYA: You should keep your options open.
You're literally the hottest I've ever seen you.
- ANNA: [LAUGHING.]
What? - MAYA: Anna, I swear! - ANNA: Yeah.
- MAYA: You're at your hottest.
- Yeah.
- MAYA: We, like, had Brandt J.
freaking like touch us up at the same time.
- Like, it's crazy.
- That's true.
Aah! [CRYING.]
It burns, it burns! Wait, you haven't told anyone, though, right? 'Cause Brandt said not to.
Oh, my God, I swear to God, no.
Wash it off now! ANNA: Okay, so you have a limo made of diamonds.
- MAYA: Oh, my God, yes.
- And 2,000 babies.
Wait what? [LAUGHING.]
No! 2,000? - That's crazy! - You almost got Sam.
- I just crossed out Sam.
- Oh, thank God.
He's a psycho.
- ANNA: Oh my God.
- Stop! Who? You got Brandt.
No, I didn't! No, I didn't! Are you kidding? - Wait, are you kidding? - No, you got Brandt.
- Aaah! I knew it! - ANNA: [LAUGHING.]
Okay.
But you live in a shack with 2,000 babies.
- Do you wanna sign for this life? - Okay, I mean, that's tough because it's 2,000 babies in a shack - Right.
- MAYA: But, like, it just means I get to kiss him 2,000 times so, yeah, I sign for this life.
Oh, you slut bag! Anna, shut up.
I'm gonna go, okay? - 'Cause I wanna get ready.
- ANNA: All right, love you.
- MAYA: Okay, love you.
- Bye, bitch.
MAYA: Bye! [PHONE BELL DINGS.]
THREE 6 MAFIA: Slob on my knob Like corn on the cob [MAYA RAPPING ALONG.]
Juicy is my name Sex is my game - Let's call the boys - [MAYA MUTTERING.]
BOTH: Let's run a train Squeeze on my nuts, lick on my butt - The natural curly hair - [MUTTERING GIBBERISH.]
Please don't touch What's up, Brandt? [CHUCKLES.]
Wait.
[LAUGHS.]
Stop.
You you've been thinking about me? I've I've been thinking about you too.
Yeah.
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND.]
Sam, wait.
Literally back off! Like, I'm in the middle of something.
[SOFTLY.]
Sorry.
That was really good.
Okay, now your turn.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, now you both kiss.
[WILL SMITH'S GETTIN' JIGGY WIT IT PLAYS.]
WILL: Whoo, uh, uh Uh, uh Haha, haha On your mark, ready, set, let's go Dance floor pro, I know you know I go psycho When my new joint hit Just can't sit, gotta get jiggy wit it - Ooh, that's it - MAYA: Let's go.
- Maya, the door! - MAYA: Mom, get it.
- Hi, girls.
- BOTH: Hi! They're all out back.
Hey, and no walking in the house with wet suits on, okay? - BOTH: 'Kay.
- All right, go have a good time.
- BOTH: Thanks.
- ISAAC: Yo, Mom.
- Where's my hat? - ANNA: Do you have the cigarettes? MAYA: No.
Damn it! WILL: Make it feel like foreplay Yo, my cardio is infinite SPENCER: Hey, what's up? What are you guys doing? [POPPING SOUNDS.]
No, okay, don't don't flick too hard, just The thing is, if I don't flick too hard, then - Okay - It's not making any noise.
Okay, so just find the drum of your cheek and just [POPPING.]
- Just flick casually.
- [SNORTING.]
[POPPING CONTINUES.]
SINGERS: Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na WILL: What? You want to ball with the kid? - [OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
- Watch your step, you might fall Trying to do what I did, mama, uh, mama, uh, come closer So what I'm saying is, weasels can technically kill prey bigger than them.
Including rabbits and squirrels.
No, it's only a certain species of weasels, though, idiot.
- But it says here - Don't look up.
Don't look up.
Maya just got here.
WILL: For the flavor of a crowd-pleaser KIMBERLY: Now, what did I tell you? No wet suits inside.
Now turn around and skedaddle.
WILL: Ride in my whips South to the West to the East to the North Bought my hits and watch them go off, a go off - In the winter or the - SINGERS: Summertime WILL: I makes it hot, gettin' jiggy wit 'em SINGERS: Na, na, na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na, na - WILL: Gettin' jiggy wit it - SINGERS: Na, na, na, na, na MAYA: I'm gonna literally kill him - ANNA: Oh, sorry.
- WILL: Getting jiggy wit it SINGERS: Na, na, na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na, na [SONG FADES.]
- Oh, my God, it's freezing.
- Do I look okay? Yeah.
You look so hot.
How 'bout me? Does my bleach look okay? - You look like a frickin' hairless model.
- Okay.
MAYA: Oh my God.
Na, Brendan is staring at you.
- Literally staring.
- ANNA: Oh, my God.
I feel smothered by him.
- MAYA: I know.
- ANNA: Like, we are not a thing.
Move on.
[SIGHS.]
There are, like, no prospects here.
No, I know.
Maybe we should just like stay five minutes and then leave.
That's all I thought we were doing here.
Okay, yeah.
Five minutes.
Just five minutes.
There's nobody here that I wanna see.
Yeah, for sure.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
ANNA: Do you want me to go say something to him? - Who? - Sam.
Oh, my God.
He keeps looking at you.
No, he isn't.
Stop.
ANNA: I'm gonna go say something to him.
- No.
- He needs to know that you cannot be someone else on AIM.
It's illegal.
Okay, fine, like I don't want any drama, but just like say something to him and, like, make it seem like I don't care, 'cause I don't.
Oh, I know you don't care.
- I don't care.
- [LAUGHING.]
I know.
So then just like don't make any drama.
- Just, like, do it.
Whatever.
- Okay.
I think I should also just go to Brendan, then.
It's time to move on.
- Okay.
- Like, honestly, it's time.
- Okay.
- Like, I'm I'm ready.
- Maya, no drama.
- Okay, no drama.
Sss ANNA: Hey.
What's up? What's up? Um, I just wanted to have a mature conversation with you, if you're all about it, just address the elephants in the basement.
Sure.
ANNA: Um I just think it's really messed up that you pretended to be somebody else on AIM.
Like who does that? And we just think you're a tool.
So [LAUGHING.]
just super weird because you used to be our best friend.
Well, there's two sides to every story.
- Oh, yeah? - SAM: Yeah.
So you're not gonna apologize.
Are you seriously not gonna apologize? Maybe I already did apologize.
But she didn't tell you that, though, right? Okay, maybe she did.
Maybe she did not.
All I know is that she's my best friend on God's green frickin' earth, and I love her, and she would never lie to me.
Ever.
Well, we're kinda in the middle of something here.
Okay, what are you in the middle of? I'm sorry.
Oh, it's it's weasels.
See, I made this whole magazine.
- JAFEER: Yeah.
- GABE: See, uh, this is one that I drew.
See, it's got buck teeth - and it's got - You guys have to grow up.
Like, do you think that this is gonna fly in eighth grade? You have to be more mature.
[MOCKINGLY.]
Okay? [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
'Sup? - Hi.
- Um [SIGHS.]
basically, I'm here to tell you that Anna's over you.
And she's just, like, done, and she doesn't want anything to do with you, and you just gotta move on, and I'm sorry.
That's that's fine.
I'm dating Marissa H.
Okay.
Cool.
So, what, you're like wait! That's Icebox.
You're dating Icebox? [SIGHS.]
She prefers Marissa H.
And just so you know, she did not masturbate with ice.
- Yeah, right.
- BRENDAN: In fourth grade, she was dared to put an ice cube in her underwear.
[SIGHS.]
That rumor's very heavily exaggerated.
Whatever.
I've we can have different opinions on what happened, but, like, basically, all you need to know is you need to just, like, end it with Anna.
What? [MUTTERS.]
It's a good chat.
Sorry I hurt your feelings.
Brendan's totally over you.
- Completely.
- [LAUGHS.]
He is, he's dating Icebox now, I guess.
What? - I didn't know that.
- Yeah.
I didn't even know he was into girls like that, so But, like, she's a slut bag.
Yeah, at least I'm not like that.
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
- Yeah, I don't care.
- MAYA: It doesn't matter.
- It doesn't matter.
It's Icebox.
- I don't care! Like "I put ice in my vagina!" [LAUGHING.]
- Wow.
- And she's a slut.
You have, like, so many better options, and it doesn't matter.
- Yeah, I do, I have a lot.
- You have so many options.
So let's just leave.
- Yeah, let's go.
- Right? Let's go.
This place sucks.
Blows.
- No stop, stop! - [DREAMY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
- ANNA: Is that Brandt? - MAYA: No, no, no, no.
- MAYA: Stop, stop, stop - ANNA: [WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY.]
- BRANDT: Want me to finger you? - MAYA: Yeah.
BRANDT: You have both really hard nips.
- I love you.
- MAYA: And I love you too.
Stop, stop, stop.
- Oh, my God, stop, stop! - Stop, stop, Anna, stop it! [COUGHS.]
Brandt Stop! [WAILS.]
- ANNA: Go talk to him.
- MAYA: No, you talk to him.
- ANNA: Do you think he's here for you? - No! - Go! - Yes, I don't know! Maybe.
- ANNA: He is here for you.
- MAYA: Okay, it's like, okay.
- ANNA: Go now.
- MAYA: Okay I don't know.
Okay, yeah.
- BRANDT: Hey, what's up, man? - What's up? - He's here for Isaac.
- He's here for ANNA: [WHISPERING.]
He's here for Isaac.
He doesn't know you're here.
Ow.
- Go.
- MAYA: Oh, my God, okay.
You're gonna get your first frickin' kiss go.
Okay, all right.
This is happening.
Let's just frickin' go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Absolutely no coming in the house while you're wet.
I told you guys that.
- We're not wet.
- Yes, you are.
I can still see a little bit of water on you.
So dry off, okay? - Sorry.
- We'll take care of it.
There's a towel.
- MAYA: Sorry! - Thank you.
KIMBERLY: Thanks, girls.
Sneak in, sneak in.
Come, come Nope.
Still too wet.
MAYA: Ow.
My God, she just like [INDISTINCT BACKGROUND CHATTER.]
- Am I dry yet? - BRANDT: Cannonball! Cannonball! [SLOW ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
'Sup? [SIGHS.]
It's kinda funny you're here right now.
How? It's so lame here! It's my friend's party, so it's kinda cool, actually.
Yeah, it is pretty cool.
Haven't, like seen you since the dance or like talked to you, it seems like.
We haven't, so that's probably why.
MAYA: Yeah.
Have you, um have you thought about what happened on Friday? I don't what are you talking about? [LAUGHS.]
You're being so funny right now.
You know, like - Brandt! - The fuck.
MAYA: [GIGGLES.]
- Sorry.
- BRANDT: Jesus.
Like when me, you, and [WHISPERING.]
Anna, like, went into the closet and you, like, up and down, in circles Remember how hard-nipped I got BRANDT: Nope.
That didn't happen.
What what do you mean, it didn't happen? That Brandt.
Are you f I'm so sorry.
[PANTING.]
What's goin' on? He said it didn't happen.
What didn't happen? Like I was just trying to talk to Brandt - about how we did second base - Yeah.
And he, like, didn't know what I was talking about.
[LAUGHS.]
What? Like, he said it didn't happen.
- That's a lie.
- I know, right? - Like, we did it.
- Yeah, he was freaking there.
- That little freaking asshole.
- I mean, we did it, like, we put the hands up and down - and we did the circle motions, everything.
- All around.
- And like one hand on your boob - It was.
And one hand on my boob, and he, like, didn't know - what I was talking about.
- And then there were the circles.
Well, it happened.
Why would he lie about that? I don't know.
Do you think it's 'cause he thinks I'm ugly or something? No.
Be honest.
No! If he does, he's a psychopath.
It happened, and I think I know who saw.
Hey, Brendan.
Um, I just wanted to touch base with you.
I know that little rude to you earlier.
And she can just be that way sometimes.
But I heard that you're going out with someone new, and that's fine.
It doesn't change what we had or what we went through together.
- What? - Say it.
Um also, like, you know how when, at the dance, like when Brandt just pulled us away from you? We were we were, like, grinding and then he was like, "No! You come here.
" Do you remember that? 'Cause he's saying that that didn't happen.
I'm like, "It did.
" It did, right, it did? I don't wanna get involved with the drama, Anna.
I-I've moved on.
I suggest you do too.
Oh, yeah.
No, I know [LAUGHS.]
To Marissa H.
I haven't heard one bad thing about her, so Me and her have a really good rhythm with our kissing.
Peace.
- [CHAIR SCRAPING LIGHTLY.]
- ANNA: Peace.
BRENDAN: Good-bye.
So somebody saw.
- No - Someone here has seen, so we need to go up to people, and we have to get proof.
No, but Brandt said in the closet not to tell anyone.
He's gonna get mad.
Please don't.
Maya, who cares? Okay.
Okay, fine, okay.
We're gonna go up to people.
We're gonna get proof.
We're just not gonna let them know everything that happened.
We're not gonna give it all away.
Me and Anna and Brandt went into a closet.
Nothing happened.
Nothing happened, okay? I'll say a word, and you tell me the first thing that comes to your mind loset.
- Deposit.
- Do you know who Brandt is? He was just showing up a second ago.
He had a butt cut and he was saying hello.
[ATTENTIVE JAZZ MUSIC.]
- Mafoset.
- And we basically hooked up.
I'm not gonna say what it rhymes with, but it's second base.
You ever seen three people together? We touched each other, but on the chest, nothing else.
And he said it didn't happen, but it did.
You ever been to a dance? If you say no, I don't believe you.
You bitch I know you're lying to me right now.
He went up and down, and then he did circle motions.
And then he did circle motions.
Motion and a motion on the boobies, you know what I mean? Maybe he does love me, 'cause he went up and down a little bit more on me.
I knew it.
It's so weird.
But then he said "I love you," and then I said I love you back and then now he's taking it back, and now I don't know what it means, and so I guess I'm just asking you [WHISPERS.]
'cause you're his best friend, like what does that mean? You just told me, right? You should go talk to Brandt.
Ca-can you tell me where he is? He's in my room.
ANNOUNCER: From the start, clearly the aggressor on Ziggo.
ANNOUNCER 2: Ziggo spinning and spinning [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
On the back Undercover Got caught with the mother Fuckin' with the rubber Motherfu Oh, hey.
[ANNOUNCERS CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY.]
ANNOUNCER: There goes the ramp.
The wheel is off.
- ANNOUNCER 2: Oh! - ANNOUNCER: And now look at this.
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
'Sup? Do you want me to leave? Be honest.
It's like I'm stalking you or something.
[LAUGHING.]
Do not turn your back Oh, he turned his back! MAYA: Oh, whoa.
[ANNOUNCERS CONTINUE SHOUTING ON TV.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- This is the final slap of humiliation.
[ANNOUNCERS CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY.]
Were you just joking when you said that the three-way in the closet didn't happen? What? Yeah, whatever.
So you're saying it happened.
Yeah.
Whatever.
- Okay.
- ANNOUNCER: That is all Ziggo just tearin' up that wood like a beaver on speed.
Wait, I'm, like, so sorry I came up to you in the pool like that.
- I'm so lame.
- BRANDT: Yeah.
Whatever.
It's cool.
I still think you're, like, pretty or whatever.
So could you move? Cutie? Okay.
I'll sit down.
ANNOUNCER: I'm missing a whole lot of examples.
But you fought hard because you lost to this man right here, Ziggo, Jonathan.
COMPETITOR: Yes, yes, I know pretty well, so ANNOUNCER: It was impressive.
I want you guys, though, to shake hands.
Spencer saw it all, motherfucker! Anna, he already said it.
Get out! He just said it happened.
Oh, you can get out.
He said it happened.
MAYA: Get out.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Sorry.
Looks like it's just the three of us again.
I'm really glad that you guys have made up.
[GIRLS GIGGLING.]
So you said that it happened, hmm? - Yeah.
- Yes, okay? Just keep your mouth shut about it.
I don't want that getting out.
- ANNA: Yeah.
- Okay.
Nobody knows.
[BOTH MURMURING.]
But I didn't tell anybody - I didn't tell - Do you tell But he just maybe said I'm perfect Guys, I'm trying to watch this.
KIMBERLY: Who's in there? MAYA: [WHISPERING.]
Oh, my God.
What are you doing in Isaac's room with the door closed? And is that a wet bathing suit? - Sorry.
- Sorry.
KIMBERLY: Out.
- ANNA: Sorry.
- KIMBERLY: Yeah.
I'll just follow the wet footprints, okay? ANNOUNCER: And it's a wheel of misfortune - spinning at 500 kilometers an hour.
- [SNIFFLES.]
Nightmare is the most aggressive BattleBot - in the competition and - [WHISTLE BLOWS.]
COACH: Around the cones, people, around the cones! MAYA: Wasn't Brandt supposed to be in this class? ANNA: You are, like, so in love, it's crazy.
Why? What's on that little mind? Nothing.
What's on that little mind? - Stop! - COACH: Kone, Ishii-Peters! You see everyone else movin'? What you doing? - We are! - We are.
- Keep it movin', let's go! - ANNA: Sorry.
I was thinking I would maybe put something in Brandt's locker today to, like, remind him of me, - but is that crazy? - No, I love that.
So desperate for some water right now.
SINGER: La la la la la la La la la La la la la la la la la la La la la Yeah, then go get some! I could get you some.
Okay, he is like obsessed with you I'm not kidding.
- This is so crazy.
- Slutty-dutty doo Slutty-dutty doo doo KID: Fucking slut.
- Slut? - JENNA: Anna, Maya.
Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second? Just people have been talking, and I thought you should know.
- Okay, Jenna - Okay, Maya, I'll get to you in a second.
Anna, at the dance, you were freaking with everyone.
Uh, Maya, you too! You were so desperate trying to get Sam's attention all night.
And then you had a three-some with Brandt, and that's fucked up.
- [SCOFFS.]
- What, uh - a th - That didn't happen.
Who did you hear that from? - ANNA: Yeah, where did you hear that? - 'Cause I didn't do that.
I didn't - Yeah, I didn't do it either.
- We didn't do that.
I mean, it's pretty obvious.
- That's absolutely nasty.
- Actually crazy, like crazy, crazy, crazy! - You're crazy.
- Okay, yeah, whatever.
Just thought you should know that everyone is saying that you're desperate sluts.
And what makes me really sad is that you've changed.
Like, a lot.
Didn't happen.
Yeah, Jenna, you don't know what you're talking about! ANNA: I don't like her.
She's crazy.
Do you think I've changed? Who? - Do you think I've changed.
- You? Yeah.
Do you? I think that we all change all the time and that that's just normal.
- So you do! - I don't know how to answer this.
You think I've changed - like in a bad way.
- I don't know how to answer this! Mostly good, mostly good! - Oh, my God.
- No, mostly good.
It's just when we were at the dance, like you were, like, grinding with just a few more people than me, and like when we were having the fight, I looked across the gym and you were, like, three-waying kind of with Gabe and Jafeer.
But so you're saying I had two three-ways that night? Did I have two threesomes that night? You had two, but I had one.
Like, who am I? So then I'm more of a slut than you! That's what you're saying right now! No, I'm saying if you are, then I am too 'cause No, you haven't changed.
You just did one.
- No, I'm just saying that we - Oh, my God.
I get why people are saying this about us.
So we're desperate sluts.
Great.
And now everyone knows and Brandt's gonna be so mad.
He's gonna hate us.
Brandt's a slut too.
Ha.
No, he's just a player.
Oh, yeah.
MAYA: He's just a player.
[SOFT, PENSIVE MUSIC.]