Phineas and Ferb s02e01 Episode Script

We're here! Ah, Lake Nose.
This is just what I needed.
A nice, relaxing family getaway.
Such beauty, such tranquility.
A fisherman's paradise.
Yes, of all the lakes in the world, I'm glad we picked the Nose.
That's charming, dear.
I still can't believe I get to be on the Lake Nose lifeguard squad with Jeremy.
The lifeguards at Lake Nose are considered the coolest of the cool.
All the other kids look up to them, and have to do whatever they say.
Or they'll get eaten.
Exactly.
I– Wait, what? Well, it says here, "Many believe these murky waters are home to Nosey, the ferocious Lake Nose Monster".
Nosey? Yeah, I'm so sure.
There's no such thing as a Lake Nose Monster.
Right, Dad? Well, Candace there's no such thing as lots of things, and there's such a thing as many other things.
Is Nosey such a thing? Well, you see, that's the thing, isn't it? Dad, is this one of those cultural things again? Because I'm not sure they'd even know what the heck you're talking about in England.
Ooh! It's possible Nosey has survived because Lake Nose is unusually rich in zinc, a common metal used in everything from sunblock to pennies.
Cool.
Oh, of course! Nosey the vicious zinc-eating dinosaur.
Now it makes perfect sense! Thank you, crazy people I live with! It doesn't say "eats it".
He probably just absorbs it through his skin.
Ooh, look! They have pictures of him.
Elephant, log, dolphin, driftwood, tire, driftwood, rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig, driftwood, driftwood, you aren't old enough to know what that is, driftwood, driftwood, it's usually driftwood.
So don't go humiliating me by– I don't know, building some boat to find the Lake Nose Monster or something.
Huh.
Some boat to find the Lake Nose Monster or something.
Ferb, are you not saying what I'm thinking? Hey, where's Perry? Log in.
(Song: Mission) You're gonna get a mission A mission, a mission A brand-new mission What's it gonna be? Go and get your mission Your mission, your mission A brand-new mission We can't wait to see! Log out.
Exit to your left, Agent P.
Good morning, Agent P.
I hope you enjoyed Lair Entrance; The Ride.
The agency wanted to make coming into work more exciting.
It was either that or a huge bonus check.
Well, in focus group tests, Anyway, your mission.
We've tracked Dr.
Doofenshmirtz here to Lake Nose where we intercepted part of this phone call.
I'm sorry, sir.
We do not deliver our hot wings to the bottom of a lake.
Aw come on! I'll tip fifteen percent! Our analysts agree, evil, chicken wings, underwater, fifteen percent.
It's a recipe for disaster.
It's up to you to stop him, Agent P.
I think we're all set to get definitive proof that Nosey really exists.
All right, what are you two up to? We've just built a boat to find the Lake Nose Monster.
What? Didn't I specifically tell you not to do specifically, exactly just that? Actually, specifically, you said not to humiliate you by doing that.
So we won't! Mom! Quick, I caught them red-handed! What is going on out here? All right, so where is it? Where is what? The giant Lake Nose Monster search boat you made! You mean Nosebud? She's right there.
You boys made this? I'm very impressed! What? Well, look! They made a boat.
It's actually waterproof and everything.
That's pretty cool! Ugh! Okay, Candace.
If you're so worried Honey! Yes, dear? Can you please go out on the lake with the boys to make sure they don't get into any trouble? Well If I must.
Well, who knows? I might even be persuaded to tell you a few of my world-famous fishing stories.
Well, I guess that's kind of a punishment.
But come on, Mom, that's all you're gonna do? Right, what was I thinking? Here! Don't forget to use plenty of sunblock.
But– Look! Zinc.
Sweetie, aren't you gonna be late for your first lifeguard shift? All right, give me some zinc.
Okay, be cool and confident.
Cool and confident.
Hey, Jeremy! So, what do you think? You look great! So, you're the famous Candace Flynn? Bob Webber.
Thanks for the lifeguard job, Mr.
Webber.
"Mr.
Webber"? Pshaw! Mr.
Webber's my father.
Call me "Captain Webber".
Uh Okay.
Okay! You two take care of my beach now.
Okay.
Okay! And watch out for Nosey! Uh Uh Okay.
Okay.
Okay! okay! and so he said, "Try ignoring it and hope it goes away.
" And you know what? It did.
After 17 weeks.
Wow, Dad.
Great story.
Uh, we're gonna start our search for Nosey now, okay? Okay! Oh, did I ever tell you boys about the time I caught the infamous Big Mouth Ramon? Yes! Splendid! Then I'll set the scene.
A chilly April morning, 1980.
Disco was on the way out and it had just begun to dawn on everybody they looked absolutely ridiculous in every photo taken of them in Okay, Ferb.
Okay! Let's find us a lake monster.
She's in the drink.
Do we have eyes? If anything's gonna get proof of Nosey, it's Marco Schnozolo.
Don't worry, Candace.
To be honest, not much happens around here.
Aw, too bad.
I guess we'll just be forced to kick back and have fun.
Yeah! We could take turns saving each other.
Ah, yeah.
(Song: Save You Save Me) I'll save you! (I'll save you!) You'll save me! (You'll save me!) We'll save everyone! You're gonna need Mouth-to-mouth T-L-C P-R-E M-T-Venus and Mars Candace? Candace! Huh? Oh, sorry.
As I was saying, being a lifeguard takes focus and concentration.
Focus.
Right.
If you just keep a calm, cool head, you'll be fine.
The Lake Nose Monster! Everybody, out of the water! HELP! RUN! Huh? Wha–? What? Everyone, please.
Calm down! Go, ma'am! Leave your child! There's no time! Save yourself! Hey, Candace! Everybody, calm down! We're safe, look! It-It's just some driftwood.
Driftwood? Sorry, everyone.
It's safe.
You can come back, okay? That was not okay.
Hmm? Perry the Platypus? Thank goodness.
I– I thought you were the guy with my hot wings.
In two more minutes, my order will be free! Yes! Oh, for crying out loud! Fine.
All right, what was that? Fifteen bucks? Okay, here's ten, eleven, and– I got more on here.
Hold on.
One, two, three, four, there! Fifteen! And don't forget your tip! Pretty good, huh? So, Perry the Platypus I bet you're wondering why I'm sitting down here at the bottom of a lake.
Well, the answer is simple.
Mmm- mmm! This is really good, man.
You want some? Here.
Here, take the blue cheese.
Do you mind, I– I prefer the ranch.
Take the blue cheese.
Here's a napkin.
Anyway, the answer to why I'm here is simple.
Zinc.
Lake Nose has a ton of zinc in it, and this machine goes around and filters all the zinc from the water.
See, see? Zinc! So I figured I'd go around collecting all the zinc, and then use that zinc in some evil way to rule the world! You know, with zinc.
Just think of the evil uses that off with zinc! I-I mean, seriously, can you think of some? Cause I got nothing.
I mean, look at here with all the good uses for zinc.
Huh? All this good stuff, and over here? Nothing.
All I got is, "Some evil "Zinc Ray-Inator" or something, and-and and look here! I-I wrote "Big laundry".
I-I don't even remember what the reason was, so I just assumed I remembered like it was some big genius idea.
Big laundry.
Big laundry! I-I– It's crazy! I'm a crazy person.
Okay! Candace, since it's your first day and you are understandably eager to impress old Captain Webber, I'll give you another chance.
Thank you, Captain Webber.
Don't worry.
From now on, I'll be okay.
Okay! Well, at least the beach is empty now.
It makes our lives a lot easier.
Hey, is this where they saw Nosey? Come on! Did you bring the camcorder? Where's Nosey? It's here! So many people! Don't worry, Candace.
Just stick with me and I'll get you through this, okay? Okay! Jeremy, we're gonna have to move you down to Station 7 to cover this crowd, okay? Uh Okay.
Okay! Candace, you stay here.
What?! Wait! By myself?! But— Let's be unsafe! I'm gonna run with scissors! I brought some glass to the beach! Here, Nosey, Nosey, Nosey.
Hey, look, Ferb.
It's a red herring! I say we follow it and see where it leads us.
What was that? Check the perimeter cameras! Without the cameras down here, we're— blind.
Emergency power on.
So much for getting proof.
What was that? Did we find the Lake Nose Monster? No.
It found us.
Okay, Ferb.
Fire it up! Cool! That's weird.
All the cameras are still down.
It's gonna be much harder to get proof that Nosey exists now.
You man the starboard window, I'll go portside.
We'll see who spots Nosey first.
I win! Stay calm.
No sudden movements.
Okay.
Try panicking and making a lot of sudden movements.
I don't think Nosey was attacking us at all.
He was just going after the cameras.
He must not want the world to know he really exists.
It was either back up the fire escape or lose the pants altogether.
Then suddenly it hit me.
Ow! Hey, watch it, brats! No! You're supposed to bury everything except the head! Hey, no! We do not drink the lake water! That goes for your children, too, sir! Excuse me.
My daddy came to see Nosey, but I'm scared.
Is he really coming back? Aw, I don't know, sweetie.
I was being silly before and overreacted.
Sometimes we see things that aren't really there, but don't worry.
I promise I'll protect you, if I see the Lake Nose Monster! Quick, kid! Run as fast as your little legs can carry you! Follow the train tracks north! You should hit Ackerton by sundown! Blend in! It's a college town! Get a retail job and save up enough for a bus ticket to the Canadian border! Someone will get in touch with you when the coast is clear! Candace! Is this your Lake Nose Monster? Huh? Surprise? You're in big trouble, young man! Okay! Just a little prankster! We're safe! I thought you said this would be funny.
It is! You got in trouble! Candace, what on earth are you doing? I'm sorry, Captain Webber.
I thought I saw— I know.
Look, I'll let you in on a secret.
There is no Lake Nose Monster.
It's just a little tall tale, like Bigfoot or that face on Mars.
See, they pretend that Nosey is real, so tourists from all over the world come here and buy Nosey T-shirts and snowglobes, but Ow! it's just pretend.
Okay.
Okay! So that's it.
No matter what you see, I never again want to hear you say— The Lake Nose Monster! Run for your lives! Hurry! Hey, do you still have that little digital camera you got for Bastille Day? Bup-bup-bup! Check this out.
See, boy? Your secret's safe with us.
Hey! Where'd he go? Is it me, or is the Lake Nose Monster easier to find than Perry? Mmmm Ooh, wow! Time out, man, I need a breather.
Oh! I wish I didn't eat the hot and spicy right after the honey glazed.
Speaking of wishes, you know what I never understood? Genies.
They tell you to wish for anything you want and then they add some terrible twist.
Like– You-you wish to jump high, so he turns you into a frog.
What—? Why? Who gains from this? The genie? I-I— Where's the benefit? You should be fighting genies, man, not me.
I'm not the problem.
Genies.
Genies are the problem.
I got it! Zinc foil! Eh, not really evil, is it? Here.
You want some corn dogs, boy? He likes it! (Song: My Wettest Friend) I know a special someone Who lives under the sea He's my wettest friend! (He's my wettest friend) My wettest friend He's not the shortest He's not the orange-est He's not the one who smells Most like masking tape Now, I will always love him I hope it never slips away Cause he's my wettest friend (He's my wettest friend) My wettest friend (He's so sopping, yeah) 'Cause he's my wettest friend (Don't let him plug anything in!) My wettest friend Hey! Someone's calling! Y'ello? Phineas, is your refrigerator running? Uh We don't have a refrigerator, Baljeet.
Then you better go catch it? I thought you said that would be funny.
It was! You look stupid! It works on so many levels.
Oh, hey, Nosey.
This is just our videophone.
See, when we talk to people, we can see them on this screen.
And this is what they see.
What's wrong? Oh, wait, no! We weren't taking your picture! Come back.
I can't believe he fired me.
And this time I actually saw it! Candace, are you okay? Okay, I know it sounds crazy, Jeremy, but I saw it! I really did! I mean, not the times when I saw it and it wasn't it, but this last time, when I saw it and it was it! You believe me, don't you? Well Hmm It's okay.
Earlier this morning, I wouldn't have believed me either.
In fact, I was even mocking my brothers! That's it! They'll vindicate me! They're out there right now getting proof that Nosey is real! I can't believe it! We were probably the first people Nosey ever trusted and look what happened.
Come on, Ferb! Let's suit up! Well, it looks like we got all of the zinc from this area.
It's time to move on to the next quadrant! "Quadrant.
" "Quad-rant.
" Quad— It-It's— It's a weird word when you think about it.
"Quadrant.
" "Quad-rant.
" Quad— See? See? Now it doesn't even sound like a word.
Hey, look! It's Nosey! He doesn't look too good.
What's the matter, boy? Oh, no.
The zinc levels in the lake seem to be dropping.
Nosey needs zinc in order to survive.
Sunblock? With zinc! Good thinkin', Ferb! Here, Nosey.
This'll make you feel better.
Where do you suppose he's going? What's that? Hey, wait! W-What was that? Huh? You were trying to escape?! After I shared my wings with you! Well, granted, I did trap you like a monkey— Thanks, Nosey! We understand now.
If we prove to the world that you really exist, they'd never just let you live here in peace, huh? It's too bad you don't exist, Nosey, 'cause if you did, I think we'd become great friends.
I said, "John, it's great, I love the tune but the words.
'All you need is a Phillips head screwdriver', it just doesn't really ring true, does it?" I've got you now, Perry the Platyp— Oho! There was simply no way we could get through the entire petting zoo— Any day now.
Hey, where are you going?! Oh Oh, I see.
That's— That's the hot wings working there.
Hey, how did you—?! Oh, you got out through the— I— I see.
Agent P! So, anyway, there I was, four hours from the nearest dental supply store Oh, there you are, Perry! Oh, there you are, Perry! Mmm Delicious.
Best hot wings in town.
Okay! I think I'll go for a little swim.
That whole "waiting twenty minutes after you eat" thing is all a big hoax.
It's just so we can sell these cool "Kid with a cramp" snowglobes.
Hm.
That boat's moving pretty fast.
I'd better get out of the wa— Oh! Cramp! Can't move! Nosebud.
and that is how I caught Big Mouth Ramone.
Cool story, Dad.
How you feeling, Captain Webber? Okay! Thanks to you, Candace.
How would you like to be reinstated as a Lake Nose lifeguard? Well Okay! Don't get it.
Oh, hey, Candace! Did you get it? Did you get the proof that Nosey really exists? I can honestly tell you that a ferocious, man-eating lake monster does not exist in Lake Nose.
Aw, man! Wait.
So does a non-ferocious, friendly lake monster exist? Do you have proof of that? Hmm? Do we have proof? No.
Well, if such a creature did exist, I believe its habitat and safety would be all of our responsibility to look after and protect.
Hey, wait a minute.
Everyone, that British kid is saying something really, really boring.
Yeah, let's get out of here! I didn't think it was boring, Ferb.
You know what I think? I think you two found Nosey, but you didn't bring back any proof, specifically just to make me look foolish, in front of all of these— Wait a minute.
Look at this! Only one thing could've made a bite mark this big! Yes! I have proof! Now they'll have to believe me Or maybe you were specifically trying to protect Nosey.
Oh.
I'm gonna have to do the right thing here, aren't I? We're proud of you, sis.
Yeah, yeah.
Candace is crazy, but the monster is safe.
Oh, great.
Look who finally showed up! Fine.
Well, looks like I'm stuck down here.
Guess I'll have time to figure out what "big laundry" mea— Oh.
Oh, that's right.
It's Tuesday.
I know! I can get out the same way Perry the Platypus did! Oh! Oh! Oh, that didn't work at all! Oh, now I really gotta do the laundry!