Puberty Blues (2012) s02e01 Episode Script

1 Hi, Cheryl.
Shut up, moll.
She seemed friendlier.
I thought so.
No, you can't! Oh, you young people, you're so conservative! Come on! How embarrassing.
I just rooted Gary.
It was good! Your mother is like ice on my blood, and I need heat.
You're so bloody lucky, 'cause as you get older, life just gets worse and worse.
Remember this, though, anything you do I've done before.
It's my job to be inspiring.
What do you do when you get home from work, Martin? He likes to sit in his car in the garage.
What's that supposed to mean? You like to spend a lot of time on your own.
Roger - our gun for hire from the shire.
Roger Knight has arrived.
Morning! Go get me a Chiko Roll! And five pluto pups! Oh, and don't drink me Moove! Oh, yuck! I think a squid grabbed my legs.
You do have good legs.
Oi! But then they find out that all the English have been killed, so Caesar adopts him and he becomes a servant for the crown prince where he meets and becomes friends with a neglected princess.
Why would a princess be neglected? Sue! Shit.
You been practising for a tampon ad? You've been riding all day.
Rack off or I'll tear your hair out and strangle your stupid face with it.
Cheryl.
You're up the duff, aren't you? Trying to get rid of it.
Whose is it? As in "I'm such a slut I don't know" or "I won't tell"? Just rack off, will you? You OK? I need 85 bucks to do it proper.
Shit.
That's a lot.
Yeah, I know.
We'll help you, won't we? Oh, Rog, Japan is so beautiful.
The cherry blossom trees! Oh! How's Lori going? Happy, yeah! She's going out with some guy from the British Embassy.
He seemed like a bit of a poof to me, but it might just be the accent.
You bought a lot of stuff.
Oh, yeah! Extra suitcase, I bought so much.
It is SO cheap, Japan.
What? So, Pammy, it's 262 yen to the dollar.
How much was the sake? Uh26,000 yen.
That's 100 bucks.
No, that's not right! Well, it's 25 yen to the dollar and the two zeros, they're just like Japanese cents - you just ignore those.
Oh, no.
Yeah, it was strange, 'cause Lori kept on complaining how much things were, and I just Bloody hell! How much was the camera? 68,000 yen.
And that cat? Oh, um12,000.
But there's 10 of those.
10?! Yeah, they look better in a flock.
A flock?! Look, you're a big shot ad guy and we can afford it.
Yeah? Hush now.
Hey.
I told you I wouldn't.
And I won't.
So stop checking.
Thank you.
So my system is a simple one.
You only back favourites and double your bet each race.
Unless you win, in which case you let your winnings ride.
But either way, probability comes into play and winning is assured.
I don't think winning is ever assured, David.
They've stopped talking, Dad.
Should I check what's going on? David, don't Quick look.
They're pashing! Debbie! David, you little shit! Language, Debbie! Such a dobber! Just keep talking.
So, anyway, Mrs Hegarty was so weird today.
Why? I don't know.
She just kept going on and on about the Palaeolithic Era.
Oh I see.
She was talking about cavemen and cavewomen.
How they'd knock their women on the head and drag them into the cave.
I know, it seems completely They're still talking.
Let them be.
But we had control over the fire and therefore .
.
life itself.
Mum! Oh, fuck.
Hello! Hello! Hello, Gary.
Mrs Vickers.
- I am just so proud.
- Mum, enough.
I agree, enough! I get good marks too.
It's tremendous, sweetheart.
Let your parents be proud.
You could get a full scholarship at SCEGGS or All Saints with these marks.
In the city? I'm just saying, that's how impressive it is.
Well, good.
Because we're all well aware of our commitment to public school education, aren't we? Mmm, course.
I'll clear the plates.
Gary, what are you gonna do next year? Um I'm trying to just take it a day at a time, see what I feel like doing when I get there.
Not really a plan, is it? He's an amazing surfer.
It's not really a job, though, is it? University? I dunno.
Can you not interrogate him? I think Gary understands why we have to.
Um I gotta go.
Thanks for tea.
Any time, Gary.
Night, Gary.
So embarrassing! I like you .
.
because your hands are strong.
And I like them when they're on me.
I like you because when you get excited, you're funny without realising it.
Is is that a compliment? Graham said, remember, only positive things.
It is positive.
Do you think I'm a snob? No.
You just have high standards.
I do think I'm a bit better than other people.
That's arrogance, not snobbery.
Yeah, true.
Thanks! So be careful with this stuff.
It's acid, essentially.
Oooh! Not that kind, Mr Reeves.
But drink away, if you like.
OK, three qualities you want in a guy.
OK.
A spunk.
Kind.
Smart, funny.
And he doesn't try to dack me and root me half an hour after he meets me.
You are picky! Let's come up with a quiz.
Three questions and you'll be able to tell.
Any luck with the dosh? No.
Sorry.
According to my dad, my mum just spent all our money.
Shit! Ah, crap! Put it under the tap.
You're a bloody idiot! I told him I was gonna do it.
How many? Put your back into it, sir.
That's the alarm, sir! Bomb scare! Hilton, Hilton! Jesus.
Assemble outside.
In an orderly fashion! You wait.
I put my back into that one.
How was it? Free period! Numero uno.
There are two puppies in a box, a black one and a white one.
Which one do you save? Both - they're in a box.
Trick question.
Basic intelligence.
Danny would have failed it.
Exactly.
Hey! What are we doing? We're not doing anything.
Cool.
Gary! You want a smoke? There are teachers everywhere, Frieda.
Yeah.
Right.
You think it'll blow up? Has it blown up the other 30 times? You're very confident in your own mortality, Sue, no? This could be the one - this could be the last minute before you die.
How would you like to spend it? Not talking to you, Woody.
It's not gonna blow up.
How can you be so sure? 'Cause I called it in.
It's my hoax.
Sometimes we need a break from the intense boredom, you know? Yes.
Then the car has these wings.
It kinda takes off with streams of violent flames But hang on, if it's got a flame, why would it need wings? Well alright.
Just wings.
Wings are good.
People do love flames, though.
I don't know, mate.
What don't you know? I don't know why you're bringing me such shit ideas.
I'm serious.
Piss off.
Do something good.
Yeah.
No, look, early days.
Just warming up.
How hot's the water supposed to be? Dunno.
Hot.
Will it work? My cousin Jill does it all the time.
Are you gonna bleed? Yuck.
Piss off, then.
What if when it comes out, it looks like Danny? That's sick.
Is it Danny's? No.
Make it hotter.
On 'Dallas', one of the women loses a baby when JR pushes her down the stairs.
I'm happy to push you down the stairs.
Me too.
Something's happening.
Is it good? I'm gonna spew! Think it worked? No, I think I just got hot and drunk.
We'll get the money.
We've got 17.
40.
Hi, all.
Hi.
I'm Vicki.
Hi, Vicki.
I'm Nathan.
Nathan Senior.
You can call me Nat.
He needs a lie-down.
Cheeky! How long's he been back for? Too long.
Look how beautiful the buildings are! And music classes.
They have a school orchestra that went to Vienna.
And played! You're actually serious about this? Well, it's an opportunity for her that's hard to ignore, Martin.
She's just not challenged here.
Other than to stay out of trouble, which Sue Knight is constantly leading her into.
Sue's a good kid.
If she is challenged - I know her - she'll respond.
Isn't that place a boarding school? Yes, but it's in town.
She'd be home on the weekends.
And you shouldn't be eavesdropping! Can I turn her room into an aviary when she leaves? Birds? Bees.
Apiary.
No.
So just quiet your mind.
Watch gently the thoughts and feelings you're having - the 'theelings', as I call them.
Now just hold in your mind the image of a simple porcelain cup.
What's inside? Pour it out.
Fuck me.
They don't cook it? Fair dinkum? Yeah.
True.
You've just gotta open your mind, Sue, and try it.
It was absolutely delicious.
They used salmon, of course, but flathead should be good too.
Can we put some normal bloody clothes on? What are we, bloody Japanese now? Bloody spit on me! What's his problem? Debbie! Can you come here, please? I wanna have a little chat.
I'm on the phone! So, do you think you can try and get that money? Yeah, I will.
Who is it? It's Cheryl.
Scared, were you? A bit.
Anyway, I reckon the dad is little Nathan's dad.
Her mum's boyfriend.
Shit.
What a dog.
Yeah, I know.
But you can't tell anyone, alright? Poor Cheryl.
I never thought I'd feel sorry for her, but an abortion's just What are you doing? Nothing.
Debbie, come on! Hey, I gotta go.
My brother's acting like a spaz.
Alright.
Bye.
Bye.
What's an abortion? What? Oh, are they those poodle dogs? If Cheryl needs money for one, I'd love to contribute.
Deb-Debs! Come on! So, uh, what are you measuring for? I wanna be ready with a plan to present to Mum and Dad for when you go.
Go where? Um, that I can't divulge.
But fresh honey each morning is something they're gonna enjoy.
What does David mean, I'm leaving? He's such a little No.
Debbie, just No.
Deb Come here.
No! Mum, I'm not I just Just sit and look at them with me.
They are so great! I don't want to go.
You haven't even looked.
The standard of education is I can't believe it.
You're such a snob! Don't be ridiculous.
You think they're better than us.
I do not.
I work at a public school.
I always have, Debbie.
So I know the deficiencies.
Is this about Sue and Gary? They're high school friends.
They don't last.
Well, not for you! You don't really have friends, do you? I'm not even sure Dad likes you.
Just See what you do? You make me Just please don't talk about this again, alright? We're your parents, Debbie.
We will decide where you go to school.
Then decide where to bury me, because I will kill myself rather than go to a school where I have to wear a straw hat.
Dinner's in 10 minutes, love.
Everyone's gone.
Great.
Graham's making kai si ming.
It's Korean kind of .
.
mince with cabbage.
I thought you said everyone was gone.
Gary, come on.
Be nice.
He's a very funny man.
You'll like him a lot.
No, I've got homework.
I've got a big assignment for school.
Just bring me down a bowl, OK? OK.
Homework it is.
Just give him a chance, though.
I will.
Thank you.
Oh, and, um I need 60 bucks for an excursion.
Well, where are you going? Europe? Morning, sweetheart.
Don't! So, this school thing.
Don't even try, Dad.
Mum's just doing this 'cause she hates me and she hates Sue and she hates that I have fun and she doesn't.
Slow down with all the hates, OK? Don't make this about your mum.
It is about Mum - the fact that she hates Sue.
No, this is about you.
You need to see past us and ask yourself what YOU want.
Yeah, exactly.
And I wanna stay here.
I'm very serious.
Life is serious.
Promise you'll think about it? I will.
But only if you help me show Mum that Sue's great.
Morning.
Should be a good swell this morning, easterly like this.
Yeah.
Hey, look, um I know you feel a bit threatened and confused with your mum taking a lover.
But this is real, and we both have to get with it, be friends.
Mate, put your fucking dick away and fuck off.
You got that out? Good.
Let's talk.
Morning, my men.
Who wants eggs? I woke up feeling like eggs.
Oh, eggs would be great, Vonnie.
Oh, the sun is so big and shiny! I don't remember seeing a sun that big before.
Did you see it, Gary? Yeah, I did, Mum.
I'll give you your $60.
OK.
You gonna stay for eggs, Gary? Looks like my dentist.
It's not what I thought it'd look like.
I wonder where they put them.
After.
Oh, please don't wonder that.
Apparently sometimes they come out and they have eyes, or they're smiling at you and you never get over it.
Shut up, dumb moll! Don't knock me, frigid bitch.
It's not knocking when it's true.
Hope she's alright.
I'd have the kid.
I love kids.
Should we get some chips while we wait? Oh, hi, girls.
Hello, Mrs Knight.
Oh, are you OK? Yeah.
Yeah, no, she just ate these prawns down at Harry's and she's been sick ever since.
Oh, poor thing.
Lie down and get her a bucket.
Come on! Can we have cordial? Yes, darling, I'll bring you some.
Poor bitch.
Bet she thinks about it all the time now.
I know I would.
I wouldn't.
I wouldn't think about it ever again.
I'd make myself think I dreamt it.
Promise each other that'll never happen to us.
Promise.
Mum wants to send me to boarding school.
What? Don't worry, I went spac at her.
You can't leave.
Yeah, I know.
I won't.
Dad's gonna help.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Hey, what's with all the swearing? The girls are next door.
I can't do it.
I should have never left our own place.
I'm spending I'm spending two hours a day in the car.
And they hate everything I bring Oh, they don't.
Lately, they do.
Alright.
Now, Roger, you repeat after me .
.
"I'm bloody good at this.
" Come on.
I'm bloody good at this.
Yes.
"I'm a man who can handle anything.
" I'm a man who can handle anything.
"And I'll root my wife when I feel like I'm going troppo.
" Seriously, Pam! Roger! You're brilliant! You just gotta trust yourself, OK? I think I hate it there.
Then quit.
Have you seen the size of our Bankcard bill? Oh, yeah, sorry about that.
Maybe I should have paid more attention in maths instead of giving you a handie under the desk.
What? That's it! I swear, he picked seven winners.
David shouldn't be picking winners, Martin.
He should be reading.
I know.
I'm just saying it's impressive, just maths-wise.
He said he would have won $729.
What? Bloody hell.
Is she with Graham? Um this is They're coming.
He knows all about our marriage and us and Hi.
Hi! Hi.
Hi! Hi.
I'm Graham.
Martin Vickers.
Judy.
I'm gonna get a drink.
I'll be back.
I might check on David first, though.
Oh, how thoughtful of you.
Do you believe this? Fuck off, Straccy! She's such a moll.
Dumb moll.
You know where we have to go? Byron Bay.
They have these moon dances out in the fields under a full moon.
Just dancing and being.
Let's do it! Let's do it! She's pissed, eh? Stupid moll.
Stupid drunk moll.
She's so pissed.
Do we help her? You know we do.
Listen, I know things have been awkward between our families, but You mean since Jude got up on her high horse and trotted up and down my lawn implying my daughter was a drunken tart and my good wife, Pam, an idiot mother? Yes.
You know Don't worry about it, mate.
I don't hold a grudge.
Oh, good.
Good.
It was just a very, very magical night.
We just went to a film and then we walked home, and Graham started singing this silly little song, and And how are you, Judy? I'm fine, Graham.
I'm great.
Very good, thank you.
And Gary and Debbie seem very lovebirds.
Yes, don't they! Yes.
Do you think they have sex? No.
I don't think so.
I think that he would tell me.
I didn't mean to throw a grenade.
Just musing.
Teenage hormones can get out of hand, that's all.
He's definitely following us.
Following me, you mean.
Exactly.
You should ask him the questions.
Woody? I already know the answers when it comes to Woody.
If you're gonna have a closed mind, you're never gonna open your legs.
- Woody! - My God.
Oh, hi.
Didn't see you guys there.
Right.
Sue has three questions she'd like to ask you.
Sue? OK.
Here goes.
Um you've got a white puppy and a black puppy in a box.
Which puppy do you rescue? Both.
They're in a box, why would you just save one? Because you're dumb.
So correct.
Do I win something if I get these right? Maybe.
Debbie! OK, question two.
Imagine me in a bikini.
Which part of my tremendous body do you imagine first? It's embarrassing - I know I should say your boobs, but .
.
your eyes.
I always Your eyes are nice.
OK, you can go.
No.
There's one more question.
Now, Woody, if I came to your house in the middle of the night wet and shivering, would you A - make me cocoa, B - wrap me in a blanket and call my parents, or C - have sex with me? Cocoa? Buh-bow! You lost, Woody.
Which is it? All of the above.
You didn't offer that as an option.
He was close.
I think we need to think like the best in order to be .
.
the best.
I've been studying what the market's responding to.
I've put together some ideas with some storyboards to illustrate.
But first, let me show you this videotape.
I think you'll find it inspiring.
I've really gotta piss, mate.
No.
Jesus.
No way.
Uh, what what's that sound? Let the Midnight Special Shine a light on me Let the Midnight Special Shine it's ever-loving light on me Oh, hello, then.
Oh, for the love of it! Let the Midnight Special Shine an ever-lovin' light And they're off! This way.
I forgot to tell you - I invited the Knights over for tea.
You did what? I saw Roger at the club.
It just naturally happened.
Tonight? I think it'll be fun.
II'm not sure I'm ready to be friends.
- Well, maybe - They're here! Hi, Mr Vickers.
Hi, Mrs Vickers.
- Pam, welcome.
- Konnichi wa.
G'day, mate.
Judy! Hello.
Hi.
How you going? Hello.
Drinks? Yeah, I'll give you a hand.
Oh, how's work, Roger? In town.
Oh! I resigned.
Gee, that's a big decision.
Oh, well, he doesn't shirk away from the big decisions, do you, Roger? No, he acts.
Don't you? Yeah, that's right.
Did you give them the sake? Sake? 'Suh-KAY'.
It's from Tokyo.
It's a rice wine.
I've just got back from there.
Amazing.
$1.
27 in every glass.
Oh! Let's have some sake! Pack of Slims And a beer.
And some PK to cover the smell.
Ready? What's gonna happen? Something, apparently.
You have to make my mum love you tonight.
I really like your hair like that.
Oh! Thank you.
I'd like your opinion on, um, tertiary institutions, actually.
Right.
Uh, so, what are you interested in? Well, I got an A for art.
Miss Ainsley says she's a genius.
Oh, yeah, she's brilliant.
She's got her dad's talent, that's for sure.
Oh, well, maybe she'll be unemployed too one day.
You know, I have not heard him laugh for three days.
Well done.
Well, Sue, it's great to hear you're doing well.
I remember in primary school, every Friday lunch, you would come in to me and give me a lovely little drawing.
And you'd give me a Mintie.
That's right! You remember.
Course I do! Loved you so much.
You were the best teacher.
And you'd always make these funny announcements.
We'd crack up.
You were very cute, you two.
It's weird when your thoughts seem super-fast, but that bat that just flew by seemed Like it was in slow motion? Yeah.
Duh-duh-duhhh! I assume Gary talks about me to his friends pretty much all the time - do you think he does? He should.
He better.
Oh, it'd have been nice to have a friend like that.
Yeah.
It's lovely.
Does Sue have a boyfriend? I mean, I haven't heard anything.
Oh, I don't think so.
I think Danny Dixon turned her off boys for a while.
I'm not surprised.
Mmm.
Did you see Yvonne at the club? With Graham! I know! Oh, you know him? Uh, no.
Well, I met him the other night.
Those girls are looking cold out there.
I'm gonna get them a jacket.
What a great evening.
Yeah.
Thanks, Dad.
Thanks for inviting them.
David, go in and straight to bed, please.
What? Get to bed.
Now.
I swear to you, Mum, it wasn't me.
I just got the money together for a friend who got pregnant.
Have you had sex with Gary? No! No lies, Debbie.
Shit.
Shit! Martin, calm down.
Oh, God, it's not a terrible thing.
We love each other.
It's entirely normal.
Well, to ordinary humans with blood in their veins, it's normal, but you, of course, are a bloodless ghost who can't bear the thought of anyone having a life or feeling anything.
You should have stopped this, Judy.
Now she's What? A slut? You two don't know anything about me.
OK, so you do have sex with Gary, but this was not you.
Is that what you're trying to tell me? Yes.
I promise you, Mum, I was just trying to help a friend.
I suppose we can guess who that was.
Are you kidding me? It wasn't Sue! What is wrong with you? Why do you hate her so much? Enough.
We need to talk about what's going to happen now.
I think we all know what's gonna happen now.
What are you doing here? What's wrong? I'm going.
Where?