Reaper s02e01 Episode Script

Previously on Reaper Is this a carjacking? Are you carjacking me? I'm the Devil! Before you were born, your mom and I sold your soul to the devil.
Going to bring escaped souls back to hell.
That's cool, right? - How am I supposed to capture them? - This will help.
A vessel.
Place the vessel on the mat.
So they're not all little vacuums? The boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle.
You must be a real moron.
Explain to me how you chopped some guy's head off! When a soul escapes from hell, I have to capture it.
What you saw us doing the other day that was an escaped soul.
- Works for the devil.
- Tony is a demon.
He's a demon from hell.
- I believe you.
- You are the son of Satan, Sam.
Evidently, I'm destined to end the world.
Well, you're not really very good at anything, so, you'll probably screw that up, too.
Way to go, Sam.
I don't accept failure.
Ever.
"Dear Andi, "you may be wondering why I'm writing you this letter instead of calling you.
"The truth is, if I called you now, "you'd convince me to come home.
"But I still need time to reflect on my father's death, "had my soul sold out from underneath me, "what it means to be the bounty hunter for hell.
"But every time I hit a rough patch, I think of you and I continue on, because" - What the hell are you guys reading? - What? Is that the letter I wrote to Andi? Sock, you were supposed to mail that.
What, dude, I forgot.
I'm sorry.
Wait, that was in Tahoe, right? Because in my own defense, I forgot my name in Tahoe.
You guys, Andi thought we were going to be gone for 2 weeks.
It's been 4 weeks, sock, and she doesn't know where we are! Look, this is not a problem.
We hop in the car right now, drive 90 the whole way there.
We'll be there in 2 days, tops.
Unless we go to sea world.
OK, no sea world, fine.
- = 201 =- " A New Hope " VO : ¤AkaZab¤ Subs-Addicts" [Sub-way.
fr.]
Wait, so where did we land on the whole telling Andi i'm the devil's son thing? I think we decided that she would be shocked, then confused, and then she'd probably stab you in the face.
- Right.
- Don't tell her, Sam.
Not now.
I mean, we have to figure out what it all means first.
Yeah, but I don't want to keep another secret from her.
You want to bring her a bag of chips? A little - salt and vinegar to say I'm sorry? - Sock! No, shut up.
- Yeah, all right.
- That a boy.
Now you're thinking.
Got something for you.
They evicted you from your apartment.
I went by and got whatever I could.
- Thank you.
- The answering machine's probably full.
I mean, I left a ton of messages, which you can ignore now.
Andi, I'm so sorry, OK? I wrote you this letter, but sock forgot to mail it.
You gave Sock a letter? To mail? Well, yeah.
OK, well let me ask you this.
If there was an emergency, let's say life or death situation.
Would you call Sock? Probably not.
Say you wanted somebody to make you a piece of toast.
- Would you call Sock? - I would not, no.
Well, gee, Samn, thanks.
I mean, I feel really valued that you would give the most responsible person a letter to mail me so I don't worry about you.
- I put a stamp on it myself.
- It doesn't even matter.
But there is one bit of One bit of information.
Ted fired the three of you.
And is going to have you arrested if you trespass and show your face around here.
I don't care about that.
No, you don't really care about anything, do you? You know, welcome back.
Come on! No money, job Place to live.
My girlfriend froze me out pretty hard.
My crimper! I thought I lost this.
Yeah, I use a crimper sometimes, OK? It adds to my mystique.
I'm gonna say it.
I'm glad we got evicted.
That place ate it.
Now we can finally rent a mansion like we always talked about.
We never talked about that.
Sock, we don't have jobs and we can't rent anything.
OK, uncle Sam.
Suggestions? I don't know.
Maybe should just all live in one of our parents' houses for now.
We can't stay at my grandmom's house.
She's getting pretty senile.
She just bought a gun.
OK, so that's a no.
Sock, you? What's your deal? What? No, forget about it.
My new lame step-dad lives there, Morris.
Yeah, he's probably having sex with your mom all the time.
They don't do that.
My mom doesn't even have a - She doesn't no.
OK, no.
- Sure, Sock.
You know what? You guys are right.
We should move back in to my place to stop any and all boot-knocking activities forever.
Let's go.
Mama!It's little sock puppet here to move back in.
Ma, come on, open the door.
You're making me look dumb in front of my friends.
- What do you want? - Who are you? - Who are you? - I'm Sock.
Open the door.
What why don't you go get my mom for me? - Who's your mom? - Judy Wysocki.
So open the door.
No one mentioned any Sock.
I find that hard to believe.
My mom brags about me all the time.
She didn't mention a little Sock monkey? Johann Sebastian Sock? Sock-rates.
All right, well, looks like we're sleeping in my car.
Never.
We just slept in Sam's car for 4 weeks.
Well, never again.
You are a problem solver.
Gents, the work bench is our oyster to be shucked.
- What aisle are the cots in? - Aisle 10.
What aisle are the blankets and pillows in? - Aisle 5.
- No.
Not those crappy foam ones.
- The down ones.
- Aisle 6.
- All right whisky? - Ted's office bottom left drawer.
Good, let's rock and roll.
I want to go to aisle 16.
- What's there? - New doors.
Safety first.
I like it, Sam.
Good thinking.
Well, would you look at that? The prodigal son has returned.
I'm just kidding.
I knew the real prodigal son, you know.
The dude was an ass.
Super needy.
So welcome home, buddy.
So tell me all about your big trip.
- It was good.
- That's it, good? I let you take a month off, and you just come back with good? Come on, details, details.
Yeah, we drove almost all the way to Texas.
Yeah Spent a bunch of quality time with Sock and Ben.
- Of course, of course.
- Did a lot of thinking.
I gotta tell you, man, you trip sounds like a real snore-fest.
Did you at least get a hooker in Reno? Well, I guess we all make mistakes.
Regardless, vacation's over.
Take a peek.
What the hell is this? The man with the ink is derrick mccarthy.
In life, he was a gang leader, cop killer, and general all-around psycho with a thirst for violence.
As you can see.
For you.
A little welcome home gift.
You look like a fairy princess.
- What is it? - A cattle prod.
You know, it may not look impressive, but it packs quite a zap.
And I'm supposed to catch that behemoth with just this? Of course not, don't be silly.
You're supposed to catch all those behemoths with that.
- All of them?! - Hey, man.
You're the one that wanted to go on vacation.
That's impossible.
There's gotta be Hey, check this out.
This soul leaped over the witness stand and then proceeded to bludgeon both the judge and the bailiff to death before the courtroom officer was able to intervene.
Oh, my god, check this out.
Look, look.
Nickname cme cobra snake.
He used to gouge his enemy's eyes out and then set them on fire.
Sweet mother.
Wish my Nickname: Cobra snake.
It just gets worse and worse.
Every soul here is a heartless, brutal killer.
There's no way we can get all these guys.
What are we going to do? - Ted? - What do you mean, Ted? This is just too perfect.
My moment of triumph.
Not only do I get to fire you to your faces, but I get to charge you with breaking and entering, vandalizing merchandise, and what's that other one? Oh, yeah.
Trespassing.
Ted, wait! Hold on.
This is stupid! Please don't cal the cops! As manager of this store it is my responsibility, Samuel.
That I take a great deal of joy in doing so is only a perk.
Go ahead, Ted.
Call the cops.
See if I give a care.
I'll just have to call work bench corporate on you.
Sure they'd love to hear all about a certain doctor Doggie door.
Yeah, I know that you and the doctor are one in the Same, Ted.
Question is, does corporate know? I don't think so.
I don't think they do.
See, they don't have any idea that you buy Doggie door as a store discount and then resell them for profit.
You know what, call corporate.
I'll get a slap on the wrist.
Maybe so.
But is professor Sum Pump willing to take the fall? I don't know.
What about, Mr.
Heating, ventilation and air conditioning? My personal favorite.
Or how about Senor Trampoline? - See you at work tomorrow? - We'll be running a little late.
Great.
Take your time.
So it begins.
My back is killing me.
I feel like death.
Benji, how come you look so fresh and so clean? Whore's bath.
This is no way to live! Hey, someone clock in for me.
I'll be back in a few hours.
- Hi.
How you doing? - Hey, sorry.
Andi, hey.
We got our jobs back.
- How did you convince Ted to do that? - Blackmail.
I was wondering if you wanted to go get lunch maybe later.
How long are you going to be mad at me?! Have a great first day, guys.
Here you go.
What is this? This will make you feel better, about Andi.
I'm sorry, I can't go any higher than five.
Hey, you, girl living in my house! Open the door! OK, all right.
OK, you want to play it like that? I can play it like that.
I'm just gonna bust in there and take back my throne.
Oh, my god! The stairs! Are you OK? No.
I'm not OK.
I have a squatter living in my home! - I'm not really a squatter.
- Deny it yeah, I dare you to.
Try and tell me it's not my right to move back into the cradle of my birth.
Oh, god! You're completely right.
Yeah, I am.
I know.
I talk to your mom.
She cleared everything up.
I knew about bert, but I did not know bert was Sock.
Yeah, yeah, bert is Sock.
Sock is me.
Who are you? I'm Kristin.
Your sister.
My what? So you're housesitting while they're honeymooning? This is so strange to wake up one day and suddenly have a brother.
- Yeah, it's crazy.
- I mean, I always thought my brother would be shorter with different hair, and, maybe much more Asian.
I can squint for you, but that would be offensive, wouldn't t? Yes, that would be very offensive.
Hey, let me check out that knee, see how it looks.
If you gotta.
You know, meeting like this is sorta cool.
'cause when you're a kid, you fight with your siblings, right? But we've skipped over that whole teasing part and now - we can just be buds.
- Yeah! This is gonna be fun.
I got.
I have a sister! A sister, a sister, a sister.
- I think you'll live.
- Great! - So what do you think? - I think it's suicide.
You could probably vessel one or two souls, maybe even three if you're lucky.
But there's 20 dudes in there.
They're gonna tear us apart.
I have no idea what to do.
And Sock has his thinking face on.
What do you got, buddy? Do you guys think it's OK for me to date my sister? - Your sister? The one you just met? - I can't get her out of my head.
She's so sultry and exotic, you know.
I don't know.
I guess you two aren't really related, so - You're biologically safe.
- It's still iffy though.
What if you make a move on her and she says no? Then you're spending every Christmas with your sister who shot you down.
No, you're right.
Thank you.
That could be awkward.
Maybe I just test the waters a little.
Dip my toe in the pool, let the ripples permeate.
Sammy! Toss it to me! Come here! Shame on you for bringing a board to the battle, my man.
That's dirty pool.
Take that! Take this! Technical problem! - Sock, get him! - You can't rush this, Sam! We gotta fight 20 more guys like that? Run! A vessel that needs to recharge.
Very nice.
Yeah sort of like going into battle with a gun that shoots bullets sometimes.
Hi, roomies.
- Hi, big bro.
- Hey, sis.
- Oh, my god.
She's so hot.
- Smokin'.
Shut your mouth! That is my sister.
- I got dibs.
- This thing is useless.
The Devil set me up.
He wants me to die.
Why would he want to kill his own son? Wait.
He's your father.
So? Why don't you try to use that to your advantage? Just ask dear old dad for a favor to get you out of this mess.
Right.
Also, ask him for a boat.
I don't think he cares if I'm his son or not.
He's never tried to make things easier on me before.
Doesn't hurt to ask.
You're probably right.
I should just I should try figure out how to get in touch with him.
Wait.
Is she starting at me? Certainly is.
Oh, my god! I knew it.
I knew it.
She's falling for me.
She wants the full package.
- What's up? - We Screwed up a little bit on the road trip that we took with Sam.
He wrote you a letter.
And somebody forgot to mail it.
Who that somebody is is not important, but it was ben.
We rember A lot of what Sam wrote in the letter, and we figured we'd read it back to you and maybe you'd stop being mad at him.
So, "dear Andi" you're really pretty.
I can't wait to get back and stare into your something eyes.
" - Brown.
We got brown.
- Brown eyes, brown.
Brown.
We couldn't remember that part.
"I can't wait to get back and stare into your brown eyes.
Also, your hair is soft.
" Yeah, check on that.
"I have some stuff to say about feelings.
" OK, you "i have some stuff to say that's romantic.
" - "I Miss you so much.
- love, Sam.
" You guys, I see what you're doing.
OK.
It's really sweet, and I appreciate you trying to help.
- But this is really between me and Sam.
- All right but for whatever it's worth, you should know that he's really, really, torn up about this.
Yeah.
So am i.
And furious.
And sad and happy.
All at the same time.
Oh, my god, that's exactly how I feel when I eat indian food.
Listen, it's just.
It's really complicated.
But I love the letter, though.
And it makes me smile, so thanks.
That's a really great pen.
I'm just gonna take that back.
Sure.
"I summon you, satan, "i summon you from your infernal depths "to appear before me in this earthly realm.
" - It worked! - Not so much, sport.
I just wanted to tell you that your pentagram is actually a star of David.
Mazal tov! Well, as long as you're here, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor.
Not a favor, but a request.
A family request.
Holy crap, where did you get this book? "The Devil is attracted to radishes.
" What does that mean? Like, sexually? That's disgusting.
Where did they get that? Listen, I was thinking, given our special relationship, that maybe You could lighten my workload a bit.
Our special relationship? You know, maybe take a few souls off my hands, like 10 or 15.
All of them, if you wanted to.
Well, first of all, let me say, I like that you're playing the nepotism card.
It shows a certain moral disregard that I find utterly charming.
And secondly, I have to say no.
Your duties and obligations remain status quo.
But why? Let me give you a little history lesson, Sam.
I have been soiling pure, innocent maidens since the beginning of time.
I have sired many, many, many children on this godforsaken planet, hoping that each would finally be the one who would bring about hell on earth.
But no, they all turn out to be duds.
Every single one of them.
So I will say to you what I say to them.
Stop whining, and do your job.
Yeah, but you've given me a stupid recharging cattle prod.
How am I supposed to catch 20 souls with that? To be precise, it's not 20 souls anymore.
It's 40.
You're trying to kill me.
Why are you trying to kill me? You're supposed to be my father.
Well, even in the wild, parents kill their young.
Yeah, look at hyenas, bears.
And that's not that big a deal.
This is unbelievable.
This I don't believe this.
All I'm saying is You're not as special as you think you are, buddy.
Don't you forget that.
Either you figure this thing out and save your skin Or you're a dud, too.
Kinda countin'on dud.
I'm just sayin'.
There's no benefit to being the devil's son at all? Apparently he's got a ton of kids, and he thinks they all suck.
- Mr.
Handley.
- What? Mr.
Handley, my fifth grade gym teacher.
He used to throw baseballs at my head.
It's the reason why I have migraines.
I bet he's one of the devil's kids.
Anybody thirsty? We got a million souls to catch tomorrow, and you want to drink? Sam-a-lam-a-ding-dong.
This, my friend, is inspiration.
OK, we are three highly intelligent males.
She no reason we can't figure out how to capture these Jerks and not get killed.
Just need a little thinking elixir.
If we gotta pull an all-nighter, we gotta pull an all-nighter, we may not have gone to college, boys, we certainly cram like people who did.
Bottom's up.
I like it.
I like it.
Let's cram this one out.
All right, let's think.
- Think, think.
- This is working.
It's working already.
Got it.
Got it, got it, got it.
We drive a train through the front of the warehouse, capture all the souls in the rubble.
Yeah, I don't think there's train tracks going through the warehouse, but good try.
Well, cramming is hard.
I hate college.
We're gonna be late.
- My hair hurts.
- We crammed, boys.
We crammed hard.
Well, it didn't help us any, and I can barely move.
- You all right, ben? - I just had a really loud thought.
What was that? What if we got the souls really drunk? - What? - Hey, that's not.
That's not a bad idea.
And then when they're sluggish and stupid, we pounce! Our all-nighter paid off.
We are college men! There's definitely enough beer in that truck.
Guys, this is wrong.
It's stealing.
Sometimes in order to do something good, you have to do something bad first.
I want you to keep that in mind when I eventually make love to your mother.
All right, let's go, let's move.
Go! Eyes on the prize, eyes on the prize! Quick, get the door! Can I help you? This isn't my truck at all.
I was, delivering bread next door and I hopped back into this one thinking it was mine.
Same color.
Yeah! Let's steal some beer, Sammy! I'm gonna All right, guys.
I think I'm finished with the beer logo.
Come check it out.
Come look.
Our beer mascot is a baby? Isn't that sort of dumb? No, that's not.
It's not a baby.
It's a leprechaun.
Where's his hat? He took it off.
It's impolite to have it on when you're drinking.
- Why is he wearing a bib? - OK! It's a baby! Jeez.
It's all I know how to draw.
Are you happy now? Very.
Thank you for that.
Andi, please wait.
You absolutely right.
I shouldn't have ever given sock the letter to mail.
I - maybe I was just avoiding the issue.
- Avoiding what? - Avoiding me? - No, avoiding my life.
You know, I couldn't face it anymore.
Working for the devil, my dad dying That's something we could have faced together, Sam.
But you don't think of us that way.
I mean, instead of coming to me with your problems, you took a month-long bender with your buddies.
You ran away.
Yeah, I wasn't running away from you, I was running away from the devil! You know what, I can't tell the difference.
- I'm really, really sorry.
- You know that I thought you were dead? No, it would have made sense, right? When your life is always in danger.
When you guys disappeared I just thought that one of the souls finally got you.
You have every right to be upset, but I swear to you, I will never put you in that position again.
I promise.
You said it yourself, Sam.
I mean, you work for the devil.
No matter how many times you try to run from it, it's never going to change.
So when you promise to never make me worry again, it's a promise you can't really keep.
- Man, I hope they take the bait.
- How could they not? Free beer, giant beer baby enticing them, right? Who could resist? Hey, how much did all that beer cost? Don't worry about the cost, Benji.
It's no object.
Also, work bench paid for it.
Corporate card.
- The hell did you get a corporate card? - You know what, weirdly, in the lost and found bin.
Place is a goldmine.
Check it out.
- Right? - Guess all we have to do is wait.
Hey, hey, FYI.
We, sorta talked to Andi, sort of softened her up a little bit.
I think, everything's fixed, yeah? Yeah, well, FYI.
I talked to her, too, and She's still really, really mad.
Well, ben talked mostly to her.
I don't understand.
What's the problem? Why can't you two just Work it out, you know? Because she's actually not wrong.
I mean, the way my life's been going, the next time I disappear.
I probably will be dead.
I mean, it's always going to be like this.
- I don't know if she can handle it.
- Sounds hopeless.
I pretty much came to that same conclusion myself.
Are you two gonna split up? I don't.
I knew it.
I knew they'd take the bait.
Look at that.
It's only a matter of time before they're passed out and pacified.
Let's just hope they're not angry drunks.
It worked.
They're out cold.
Yeah, they even drank all the zimas.
It's kind of a shame they gotta go back to hell.
I'd like to party with these guys.
All right.
- You think this is going to hold? - I was a cub scout, Sam.
- I excelled in knot tying.
- Didn't they kick you out of scouts? It was a very political organization.
All right, let's do this.
There you go.
There you go, slowly.
We're getting close to the end here.
Hi.
I just gotta get some water.
You need anything? - What the hell is this? - Run, Sammy, run! Go! He's getting away! I can't watch, Benji, tell me what happens! Good job, Sammy! Oh, man! Yeah! You did it, Sam! You did it, Sam! We're coming down now, OK? Just Hold on, OK? I wasn't really with these guys.
You know, so, i'm cool.
Man, you and me? We're cool.
I mean, actually I thank you, because these dudes are actually kind of crazy.
What do you mean, you weren't with these guys? When I escaped from hell, I just kind of went them.
I figured safety in numbers.
But this whole sleeping together in the same warehouse thing, I mean - What's up with that? - Whatever.
You're supposed to go to hell, and I'm supposed to send you there, so Sorry.
It worked! I don't believe it.
It worked.
I don't believe it, i'm free.
Do it again.
Do it again! What the I'm out! I beat the devil! - Wait, wait, wait, what?! - I beat your boss, baby.
I sold my soul to the devil, and I got out of the deal.
I'm free.
He owned your soul? He owns my soul! How the hell did you get out of it? He owns your soul? That's a bummer for you, man, but not for me.
Tell me how the hell you got out of it! Just no more electrocutions, OK? Just - hand me that, and I'll tell you.
- How? Gullible.
- We should talk.
- I know, I know.
Look, Sam, every way I look at this relationship, it's I just don't think it's gonna work out.
I was thinking that same thing! Last night I broke up with you.
That weird? - What is this? - Somehow, some way, this soul beat the Devil.
He got out of a deal with him.
And all I have to do is figure out how he did it, and then I can get out of my deal, too.
No more bounty hunting no more going to hell, no more running away from anything.
We just have to find this guy.
So what do you say? You in? Yeah, I'm in.
Oh, my god.
This bento box Kristin made is so delicious.
What's in it? That's, chicken, tapioca and pickles.
You have no idea what's in it, do you? I didn't even know that was food, Benji.
Can you give me a hand in the bedroom? Yes, I can.
- Do you know how to do this? - Do what? This bed thing.
All these buttons, I don't understand.
Right.
That adjusts the firmness of the mattress.
I am awesome at it.
My mom used to let me sleep in here when I had nightmares.
But That is a great shot of me.
Regal.
Your mom keeps a lot of pictures of you around her room.
It's a little strange.
No, not really.
I put most of those up myself.
OK, here we go.
I can feel it.
That's nice.
Maybe a little too soft now.
Don't want that.
- A bit harder.
- You got it.
- Almost there.
- Yeah? Right there.
That was perfect.
- You're amazing.
- Yes, I am.
God, I can't believe how comfortable we are together.
- It's so natural, you know what I mean? - I was thinking the same thing.
You know, i, I see the way you watch me when you think I'm not looking.
- You notice that? - Of course I do.
Don't be embarrassed, don't be embarrassed.
You know why? Because I think it's great.
- Do you? - Yeah.
- So do i.
- What? - I can't believe how lucky we are! - So lucky! I mean, what are the chances? I don't know! I never realized how much I wanted this.
- Me, too.
- A big brother! - What?! - I have a brother! No, step! Stepbrother! It doesn't matter! It's the same thing.
No, no, no, Kristin, it's very different.
This is a bound that will never be broken.
And I'm gonna be the best sister in the world.
When people think of the perfect brother and sister, they're gonna think of us! - Just me and my big bro.
- Great.
You know what would make this night perfect? Tickle fight! Sorry.
- Super ticklish.
- No problem! Hey, come on, big guy.
Let's go for a ride.
I just had her all detailed.
Just wow.
The job you did on those souls, magnifique.
What do you say we have a drink and go celebrate it? - Let's do it? - For real? For real! In fact, you know what, forget the drink.
Let's do something crazy.
Let's hit up some clubs.
Maybe an after party? What is the deal? I was the one that was supposed to want to have the fun, and you supposed to be all pouty and complaing.
I don't know, I'm just.
I'm in a fantastic mood right now.
Hey, you want to go to Vegas? That would be awesome.
You know, I'm just not feelin' it anymore, pal.
- You better just go.
- Are you sure? - Out, out.
- OK, all right.
Thanks for the ride.
I think I was wrong about you, Sam.
You're not a dud at all.
You don't even know what you're capable of, what Evil will come your way, what terrible things you will do at my bidding.
I look forward to a long and fruitful relationship, Sammy.
So you go ahead and enjoy your life while you can.
'cause one of these days, you're mine.
You have a good night, too.
Just for that, i'm gonna make it rain.
Hey, it's cool! I love this weather! Team Subs-Addicts"