Robot Chicken s02e01 Episode Script
Suck It
Previously on Robot Chicken.
Please welcome our special guest tonight Vice President of Adult Swim Keith Crofford.
Y'all are doing a really good job on Robot Chicken.
That's great! So when are we getting renewed for another season? I don't know.
You're canceled.
Hi, y'all.
I'm Adult Swim president Mike Lazzo.
The decision of the council is now fixin' to be heard.
Guilty.
- Guilty.
- You're so friggin' guilty.
- I think we hit something.
- Damn it, damn it, damn it! Hey, Seth.
What happened to you? I don't know.
You're renewed.
It's alive! Damn it! Thank you, Zaxxon.
Hello, Centipede.
I pledge allegiance to the hag of the United States of fart.
Is this your child? He may think saying "fart" is funny but by disrespecting America, he's encouraging terrorism! Even now, our enemies are searching for signs of weakness in our great land.
I was just trying to be funny.
America loves a joke but not when the punch line is terrorism.
I only put on 49 stars.
Terrorism.
We just voted democrat! Time to light the Chanukah Menorah, kids.
- What about The Core? - Could be good.
Thank you for watching our latest homeland security video.
We will be replacing the color-coded terrorist alert system with one that uses rubber duckies.
This one symbolizes "all clear".
His name is Englebert.
Third one this week.
I'm gonna get this bastard! Come on, honey.
One more push.
Big push.
You whore.
Pablo Rodriguez.
Test pilot.
A Mexican barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability to build the world's first bionic Mexican.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
Seis Million Peso Man, your country needs you.
Are you ready for your mission? There's 283 American dollars we won't see again.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Blammo! Two scoops! You tweaker.
The best part was when you hit your nuts on that tombstone.
Who are you? I am Skater McGee the best skateboarder in all of Western Ohio.
- At least, I was.
- What happened? I died attempting the Monster Cookie Pinwheel the hardest trick in skateboard history.
- No way! - Yes! As a matter of fact, way! Pay close attention.
Skater McGee does not repeat himself.
- What'd you say? - I said, "Skater McGee does not " The Monster Cookie Pinwheel is when you skate up the front of the locomotive's cowcatcher hit a lemonade handstand on the third car a whipping post ollie to the fourth car.
A demon stomper on the fifth car and a gleaming the cube off the sixth car, before dismounting the train.
I failed hideously but it's not too late for you young gentlemen to become gods of skateboarding.
Oh, yeah! Monster Cookie Pinwheel! Monster Cookie Thank you for getting rid of those skateboarders.
- They were ruining our cemetery.
- You're welcome, Mr.
Mayor.
They don't call me Skater McGee for nothing.
What will you do now? I'm going on to the next town to kill more teenagers.
You're doing God's work, Skater McGee.
- Hey, Paul.
Didn't see you there.
- Hey, Frank.
It's a hell of a pounding we're taking today.
Tell me about it.
Getting our asses handed to us on a silver platter.
- I know.
- There goes Carl.
He had two kids, right? Three, boy and two girls.
I'm their godfather.
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
There goes Gene in his UFO again.
Big help he is.
Did you know he has his own mini-fridge in there? - What?! What a dick.
- Tell me about it.
Jeez! - Frank? - Yeah.
- I'm going in.
- Paul, that's crazy talk.
I don't care.
I'm not gonna die this way.
- Paul? - Yeah.
- You go, I go.
I'm coming with you.
- I love you, man.
- Back at you.
- For glory! - We did it! - We won! - We did it.
- Wait, wait.
Our alien bodies can't handle the strange bacteria here.
- We're dying! - Oh, my God, Paul! Really? No.
Don't be stupid.
- You! - I did it! - Yeah.
- It's me.
- You got me again.
- I got you.
So TARDIS stands for "Time and Relative Dimensions in Space.
" Nerd! So, where you from? Man, I wish unicorns were real.
That would be so cool.
So cool.
Oh, my gosh! They do exist! Come with me.
Let's have fun adventures together! You don't have to ask me twice.
It's everything I've ever dreamed! In the magical land of unicorns there's no need for clothing.
- Whatever you say! - No, no, no.
Take it off slowly.
Yes.
That pleases me.
- Polish my magic horn.
- OK.
And then what happened? If you polish a unicorn horn long enough it gives you magical unicorn mayonnaise.
That's what I used to make these sandwiches.
I'll take some oranges, amigo.
- Yeah! - Yeah! ¤ That's the way they all became The Brady Bunch ¤ All lies.
The perfect family was really the perfect cover.
- This tastes different today.
- Alice added pee.
Peas.
I was a housewife with a maid.
Took you this long to figure out what I was doing all day? Like I cared about you and the rent-a-kids anyway.
Here's a better story of a bloody lady who's dead! Who's fucking dead.
Is that the door? I'm waiting for Davy Jones to answer my letter.
My nose! Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! How come she gets blown up and I don? Mommy, Kitty Karry-all says lips are cute and recommends corrective surgery.
No.
We wouldn't go to hell because she's not really our sister.
So these feelings are natural? No! Damn you, Tiki idol! Well, I guess someone liked my peas.
Ask us the sex question.
Now that the kids are gone, the sex has never been better.
I agree.
All right, Keith, get your ass in here.
Please welcome our special guest tonight Vice President of Adult Swim Keith Crofford.
Y'all are doing a really good job on Robot Chicken.
That's great! So when are we getting renewed for another season? I don't know.
You're canceled.
Hi, y'all.
I'm Adult Swim president Mike Lazzo.
The decision of the council is now fixin' to be heard.
Guilty.
- Guilty.
- You're so friggin' guilty.
- I think we hit something.
- Damn it, damn it, damn it! Hey, Seth.
What happened to you? I don't know.
You're renewed.
It's alive! Damn it! Thank you, Zaxxon.
Hello, Centipede.
I pledge allegiance to the hag of the United States of fart.
Is this your child? He may think saying "fart" is funny but by disrespecting America, he's encouraging terrorism! Even now, our enemies are searching for signs of weakness in our great land.
I was just trying to be funny.
America loves a joke but not when the punch line is terrorism.
I only put on 49 stars.
Terrorism.
We just voted democrat! Time to light the Chanukah Menorah, kids.
- What about The Core? - Could be good.
Thank you for watching our latest homeland security video.
We will be replacing the color-coded terrorist alert system with one that uses rubber duckies.
This one symbolizes "all clear".
His name is Englebert.
Third one this week.
I'm gonna get this bastard! Come on, honey.
One more push.
Big push.
You whore.
Pablo Rodriguez.
Test pilot.
A Mexican barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability to build the world's first bionic Mexican.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
Seis Million Peso Man, your country needs you.
Are you ready for your mission? There's 283 American dollars we won't see again.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Blammo! Two scoops! You tweaker.
The best part was when you hit your nuts on that tombstone.
Who are you? I am Skater McGee the best skateboarder in all of Western Ohio.
- At least, I was.
- What happened? I died attempting the Monster Cookie Pinwheel the hardest trick in skateboard history.
- No way! - Yes! As a matter of fact, way! Pay close attention.
Skater McGee does not repeat himself.
- What'd you say? - I said, "Skater McGee does not " The Monster Cookie Pinwheel is when you skate up the front of the locomotive's cowcatcher hit a lemonade handstand on the third car a whipping post ollie to the fourth car.
A demon stomper on the fifth car and a gleaming the cube off the sixth car, before dismounting the train.
I failed hideously but it's not too late for you young gentlemen to become gods of skateboarding.
Oh, yeah! Monster Cookie Pinwheel! Monster Cookie Thank you for getting rid of those skateboarders.
- They were ruining our cemetery.
- You're welcome, Mr.
Mayor.
They don't call me Skater McGee for nothing.
What will you do now? I'm going on to the next town to kill more teenagers.
You're doing God's work, Skater McGee.
- Hey, Paul.
Didn't see you there.
- Hey, Frank.
It's a hell of a pounding we're taking today.
Tell me about it.
Getting our asses handed to us on a silver platter.
- I know.
- There goes Carl.
He had two kids, right? Three, boy and two girls.
I'm their godfather.
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
There goes Gene in his UFO again.
Big help he is.
Did you know he has his own mini-fridge in there? - What?! What a dick.
- Tell me about it.
Jeez! - Frank? - Yeah.
- I'm going in.
- Paul, that's crazy talk.
I don't care.
I'm not gonna die this way.
- Paul? - Yeah.
- You go, I go.
I'm coming with you.
- I love you, man.
- Back at you.
- For glory! - We did it! - We won! - We did it.
- Wait, wait.
Our alien bodies can't handle the strange bacteria here.
- We're dying! - Oh, my God, Paul! Really? No.
Don't be stupid.
- You! - I did it! - Yeah.
- It's me.
- You got me again.
- I got you.
So TARDIS stands for "Time and Relative Dimensions in Space.
" Nerd! So, where you from? Man, I wish unicorns were real.
That would be so cool.
So cool.
Oh, my gosh! They do exist! Come with me.
Let's have fun adventures together! You don't have to ask me twice.
It's everything I've ever dreamed! In the magical land of unicorns there's no need for clothing.
- Whatever you say! - No, no, no.
Take it off slowly.
Yes.
That pleases me.
- Polish my magic horn.
- OK.
And then what happened? If you polish a unicorn horn long enough it gives you magical unicorn mayonnaise.
That's what I used to make these sandwiches.
I'll take some oranges, amigo.
- Yeah! - Yeah! ¤ That's the way they all became The Brady Bunch ¤ All lies.
The perfect family was really the perfect cover.
- This tastes different today.
- Alice added pee.
Peas.
I was a housewife with a maid.
Took you this long to figure out what I was doing all day? Like I cared about you and the rent-a-kids anyway.
Here's a better story of a bloody lady who's dead! Who's fucking dead.
Is that the door? I'm waiting for Davy Jones to answer my letter.
My nose! Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! How come she gets blown up and I don? Mommy, Kitty Karry-all says lips are cute and recommends corrective surgery.
No.
We wouldn't go to hell because she's not really our sister.
So these feelings are natural? No! Damn you, Tiki idol! Well, I guess someone liked my peas.
Ask us the sex question.
Now that the kids are gone, the sex has never been better.
I agree.
All right, Keith, get your ass in here.