See Dad Run (2012) s02e01 Episode Script

Okay, so we've collected the data.
Now all we have to do is write our findings in our report.
I love it when you say "our report".
It's like destiny.
I mean, what are the odds that you and I would be teamed up as lab partners? Well, there are 19 kids in our class, so Joseph, I just love your wit.
Oof! Thanks.
Anyways, when we isolated the testing control groups They totally missed each other, and that's sad.
Don't.
Make.
Me.
Sad.
No, no.
Don't be sad.
It really hurts when you're sad.
She is beating the snot out of him.
I mean Amanda, honey, would you like to stay for dinner? Thanks so much, Mrs.
Hobbs, but my Dad's going to be here any second.
May I use your restroom? Absolutely, Sweetie.
Right through there.
Joseph, I almost forgot.
My Dad has four tickets to the Lakers game tomorrow.
Would you and your Dad like to join us? Think about it while I pee.
She's a keeper.
What am I gonna do? Our project's not done, but I don't want to hang out with her anymore.
Joe, you have no idea how hard it is to be the new kid in school.
- Oh, boy.
- Here we go.
Groan all you want, but as a Marine brat, I was constantly moving, and it was very difficult to make new friends.
Maybe if you were nicer to her, it might give her the confidence to make more friends.
Amy, I love your purple heart.
I really do.
But you give this advice all the time, and it always backfires.
Do you remember Emily in sixth grade? You told her to befriend that little smelly boy.
B.
O.
Brendan? Remember that? - Mm hmm.
- What happened? - That was entirely okay.
- What happened? - We had to burn the couch.
- Thank you, okay.
Now, Joe, if fame has taught me anything, it's - Oh, no.
- Oh, here we go.
No, you groan all you want, seriously, but it's taught me that you how to deal with fans, and that's what this girl is.
She's like a crazy fan.
So here's what you do.
In a very nice way, next time she invites you to do anything, you say, "no, thank you.
Our family has a prior engagement," okay? Cool.
Your call, Joe.
Sorry, Mom, I'm gonna have to nip this in the butt.
- Bud.
- Yeah, Dad? I said, "Bud.
" I said, "yeah, Dad?" Is it worth it? No.
Come on.
All right.
- Hi, I'm - Scooter Sullivan? That's me.
Oh, you've got to be freaking kidding me! You're Scooter Sullivan? Are you kidding me? I'm not freaking kidding you.
You're my favorite golfer of all time! I mean, uh, you three masters, a-a British open, and U.
S.
Open two years running.
And you're standing in my living room? Oh, man, I-I play with your clubs! I play with your balls! Yeah, I get that a lot.
So, anyway, Amanda ready, Chief? He called me "Chief.
" - Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, Sweetie.
Did you ask Joe about the Lakers game? Uh, yeah, she did, and about that Our family has a prior engagement.
- No, we don't.
- We don't? They died.
I mean, they they canceled.
What I meant to say was that they They moved, and in an unrelated tragedy, they died, and it was all very sad.
But, hey, life goes on.
We're in.
Cool! - Oof! - Ooh.
Okay.
Are you freaking kidding me? Uh-huh, yeah.
Say good-bye, Mr.
Fly.
Mmph.
Mommy, let's face it.
That fly's smarter than us.
Okay, we don't want to scare you guys, but in tonight's neighborhood watch, we spotted a masked band of tiny, hairy perps rifling through the neighbors' garbage cans, which can only mean one thing: Hooligans! Or raccoons.
But they chased us.
They chased Kevin.
And hissed at us! Hissed at Kevin.
Because they were raccoons.
Either way, as David's trusted assistant, I'd like to offer my services as a black belt in karate and instruct you in self-defense.
Oh, thank you, Kevin.
That's very sweet, but I don't think we need When do we start? Scooter, thanks again for the game.
No problem.
We sure were on that Jumbotron a bunch.
Yeah, I guess they just wanted a shot of America's number one golfer with America's number one Dad.
You know, you've said that a few times.
Who exactly gave you that title? Um America? I get so pumped when the Lakers score.
Yeah, I got that.
And by the way, next time, give me a heads-up when you want to chest-bump.
Otherwise, you're just knocking me and my nachos over.
Joseph, there's that wit again.
Oof! Sweet dreams, Joseph.
Night, Mr.
Hobbs.
Good night.
We'll talk to you soon.
Oh, yeah, tonight was great.
Yeah, it would've been more fun if the Lakers had won.
Oh, Scooter, I love your wit.
Hey, listen, what do you say? You want to come by here tomorrow night? Uh, we can watch the game on the big screen.
I could I could make some ribs.
We could kick back Oh, you know, I I do love ribs, but unfortunately, I have a prior engagement.
Oh.
Oh, well, you know, prior engagements happen.
People move.
People die.
Well, uh, another night.
You got it, Cowboy.
Cowboy.
Perfect.
There's a new best friend in town, and his name is Scooter.
Pew pew pew! Oh, hey, guys.
Listen, I gotta run to the phone store.
I think my phone is broken.
I texted Scooter a few times.
I never heard back from him.
Dad, how many times did you text? Seven - Ooh.
- Wow.
David! Teen.
- Ooh! - Wow! May I? Oh, Dad.
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.
"I heart golf ball, golf ball, double smiley face"? - Wow.
- Wow.
OMG! Oh, it's him! It's Scooter! Dad, whatever you do, please keep me out of this.
Yeah, honey, you should keep your son and your boyfriend separate, okay? Shh, shh! Hey, Cowboy, what's up? I'm Cowboy.
What? Oh, you Yeah, I think it'd be great to get the kids together again.
Oh, no Yeah, absolute yeah, 3:00.
That that's perfect.
All right, good-bye.
Oh! We got a play date! - Dad! - What? Oh, Joe, I'm sorry.
Um, it's gonna be okay.
You're gonna do your project with Amanda, and you'll be done with her once and for all, okay? Meanwhile, I can practice my short game with Scooter, and we can talk about pebble beach, and maybe we'll Ride into the sunset on horseback? And picnic under a rainbow.
Oh, yeah.
- Very funny.
- Mm hmm.
You think he'd go horseback riding with me? Dad.
Don't get ahead of yourself, David.
Remember, your Kiai is just as important as your punch to avoid becoming a victim.
Let me demonstrate.
Hoo-ah! Ha! Hoo-ha! Kiai! Kiai! Kiai! Nice form, all of you.
But it's one thing to throw a punch.
It's very different if you're caught off-guard.
Kiai! Kiai! Hoo-ah! Ha-oh! Uh, you have learned well, Amy-San.
Now, if you will please remove your surprisingly bony foot from my spleen.
Hi.
We're the Hobbs.
Oh, well, you must be Joseph.
I'm Amanda's Grandmother.
You're Scooter's Mom? Well done, you.
Please come in.
Amanda is very excited to see you.
Come on! I wanna show you my room.
Here we go.
Uh, dinner is at 6:00, if Joseph wants to stay, and you can pick him up anytime afterwards.
I, um, no, I'm sorry.
I think there's been a mistake.
I'm David.
I'm supposed to play with Scooter.
Uh, well, I don't expect Scooter home till about 7:00.
Oh.
I'll wait.
Of course you will.
Jack nicklaus Arnold Palmer Ben Hogan? Really? This thing is priceless.
Oh! Oh, the green jacket.
The green jacket! Oh! What was that, tiger? Yeah, why, thank you! No, you know, green is my color.
I know, I know, you want to see the swing that made me a champion, okay.
All right.
Pay attention.
Oh, no, no.
Please don't be Ben Hogan.
Please don't be Ben Hogan.
Please don't be Ben Hogan.
Is everything okay in there? Just very excited to be here.
Huh! Kiai! Ha! Kiai! And now you bow.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Careful, big guy.
Careful.
These, uh, these are in the order I won them.
Yes, well, better that than taking two hours to put them up in alphabetical order.
- Dad! - Yes? Can we please go now? She has me playing hide-and-seek, and she's like a bloodhound.
Found you! Great, you win.
Let's go! Joseph, before you leave, I have something for you.
What are you doing? What is this? It's obvious you like me.
Now we have matching bracelets to prove it.
Prove what? We are now officially going steady.
Hey, so how'd it go? Tell her how it went, Dad.
Good, good, good.
Yeah.
Oh, Joe's got a girlfriend.
Oh, well, that's nice.
Not nice! How did I suddenly get a girlfriend? Oh, wait, I know.
Let's ask "the Cowboy.
" Come on, Joe.
She gave you a bracelet.
I think it's sweet.
It's made of human hair.
Whose? Does it matter? I'm sorry, Joe.
I'll tell you what I'll do, is I'll call Scooter, and I'll tell him that you're not ready for a relationship yet, okay? I don't care if you tell him I still wet the bed.
Just get me out of this.
Hey, uh, Scooter, it's David.
Hey, David.
Isn't it great the way our kids are so happy together? Yeah, um, look, about that Hey, listen.
I've got an invitation for you.
How would you like to be my partner for the greater L.
A.
pro-am this weekend? Are you kidding me? Absolutely! No, that that that Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you, thanks.
Thank you so much.
Scooter just asked me to be his partner in the celebrity pro-am golf tournament.
Dad! Joe.
Um, y Joe, probably better that it worked out like this.
For who? Well, listen, ese things are delicate, and you gotta you gotta handle 'em face-to-face.
You know, I-I promise you that I will talk to him, okay? What is that? It's a human hair bracelet my girlfriend gave me.
Wow, I-I have so many questions.
Because of Dad, Amanda thinks I'm her boyfriend.
Well, do you want to be her boyfriend? No! I mean, she's pretty What am I saying? No! She's weird, and her hair smells like pancakes.
- You love pancakes.
- I know.
I'm so confused.
She hits me when she's happy.
She hits me when she's sad.
Yesterday she hit me because, and I quote, "you look like you need some hitting.
" Help me.
Joe, I think it's time you tell her how you feel.
You mean talk to her myself? I don't want to hurt her feelings.
She'll pummel me.
Or she'll appreciate you telling her the truth.
I know I would.
And if that fails, I'll teach you Kevin's sleeper hold.
Sleeper hold? Come on.
That's not even a Real thing.
Freeze! This is a stickup! That tickles! Janie, this is serious.
What if I were a prowler? A burglar? A man with a club? Janie, Sweetie, can you get us some juice boxes? Okay, Mommy.
Thank you.
Uh, Kevin, I know your heart's in the right place, but Janie doesn't need to know how scary the world can be.
She's just learning how wonderful it is.
You're right.
I know you're right.
It's just that, if anything were ever to happen to Janie, I don't know what I'd do.
I'm starting to lose sleep over it.
Well, I could always try your sleeper hold.
That's sweet, Amy, but at your level of practice, that would take years of Training and discipline.
Joe, I promise you that I will talk to him, okay? But this is where the man works.
You understand? I understand.
I'm completely on my own here.
- David.
- Yes? How about a few practice swings? - Thank you.
- Yes, yes, of course.
Absolutely, okay.
Amanda, can I talk to you? Of course.
You're my boyfriend.
You can talk to me about anything, silly.
What the heck was that? No worries, buddy.
The first swing's always ugly.
That's out of your system.
You're feeling sleepy.
Not really, but I am feeling cuddly.
You are so cute.
Oh, that is just disgusting.
Come on.
Okay, Amanda, enough.
I don't want to hurt your feelings, but here it is.
I really, really hate all the hitting.
Oh, Felix Ungar.
David, buddy, I thought you said you were a golfer.
I am, I This has never happened to me before.
Well, it happens to men more often as they get older.
I don't understand.
What's wrong with me? Look, you're nice and pretty and smart and a really unique bracelet maker.
But the hitting knocks all that right out of my head.
You think I'm pretty? Okay, hey, hey, David.
Come on, come on.
Just relax, okay? You got good form.
Just just calm down.
Take a deep breath.
You think I have good form? Yes.
Come on.
Get that elbow straight.
Just take it straight back, all right? Don't want to let your kid down, do you? Well, I already have.
No, Scooter, stop.
You know, this feels so right, but it it's just so wrong.
I think I know what I'm talking about when it comes to the golf swing.
No, no, no, it's that It's that, you know, your daughter Amanda likes Joe more than he likes her, and and he's been hanging out with her so that I could spend time with you.
You're saying that Joe's been using my daughter? No, no, absolutely not.
Joe hasn't been using your daughter.
I've been using your daughter.
- What? - Yeah, no.
As soon as I said that It came out completely wrong.
No, what what I'm saying, Scooter, is that I-I-I may have encouraged Joe to hang out with Amanda more than he wanted.
You know, I've had some pretty crazy fans try some pretty lousy tricks to get near me, but no one's ever used my baby girl.
No, no, not that's not it at all.
I-I just thought that we could be friends.
Really? Well, do friends do this, Chief? Okay, well, now you're confusing me here, because on the one hand, you've You affectionately call me Chief, and then, on the other hand, you you break Chief's club, so you're kind of sending mixed messages to me.
I'm Security! That's a pretty clear message.
- Dad, guess what.
- What? Me and Amanda worked it out, and she's not gonna hit me anymore, and now we're gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend.
That's great news, Joe.
Let's walk to the car.
Good thing you never talked to Scooter, huh? Yeah, about that, um, you know, Joe, let's let's jog to the car.
Come on.
So you did talk to him? Uh, well hey, uh, Scooter! Uh, the kids worked it out, and love prevails, so we're good, right? Oh.
And we're sprinting, Joe, and we're Stealing somebody's cart.
- I'll text you! - Okay.
Hello? Anyone home? Man with a club came to apologize.
Man with a club? Well, hello there.
- Kiai! - Oh! Kiai, Kiai, Kiai, Kiai! Kevin, look what I did!