Sliders s02e01 Episode Script

Ah.
.
.
poor Quinn Mallory.
He was just a boy.
Sliding to him was like a box of matches.
He opened the box, le played with fire, and he got burned! Like lcarus-- he flew too close to the sun, and.
.
.
it melted his wings.
that is so beautiful, Ryan.
Q-Ball's not even cold and his woman's got eyes for another guy.
Well, that's all we can do here.
Anyone hungry? what are we waiting for, huh? ( laughing ) Quinn's voice: Wait, come back.
Don't leave me.
! No-oo! Sorry to wake you up, my boy.
.
.
but we slide in a couple of minutes.
How are you feeling? Like if l died, no one would care.
( groans ) How long was l out? You've been in and out of consciousness for the past three days.
You gave us quite a scare, man.
With that bullet lodged in your shoulder, Ryan had a devil of a trouble getting it out.
Man, what a dream.
l dreamt Ryan asked Wade to stay with him.
He did.
l said no.
When we woke up this morning he was gone.
He saved your life, Quinn.
.
.
and l think l broke his heart.
( wind hisses ) Are you wondering-- if you made a mistake? l'm just glad you're all right.
( laughing ) Quinn: what if you could travel to parallel worlds? the same year, the same earth, only different dimensions? A world where the Russians rule America? Or where your dreams of being a superstar came true? Or where San Francisco was a maximum security prison ? My friends and l found the gateway.
Now the problem is finding a way back lome.
( theme music plays ) He's hurt, Professor.
We've got to get him to a doctor.
Where are we gonna find one this time of night? This place looks dead.
Quinn: Oh! My shoulder.
My shoulder, aah! Okay, what have we got here? what have we got here? ''Sorcerer.
.
.
sorcerer.
Sorcerer, sorcerer, sorcerer.
.
.
Doctor.
'' Found one! ( tlunder rumbling ) Well, would you look at you all, just slivering and clilled to the bone.
You make me wish l was outside enjoying the storm.
Our friend here has been injured.
Oh, fight with a jealous lover? Nothing quite so salacious, madam.
ls there a doctor present? The doctor is meditating in his chambers, and l will get him for you while you fill out these forms.
There's one constant about every America we visit.
Yeah, the healthcare system always sucks.
All right.
Right this way.
Okay.
All right now.
Let's see-- perfect.
Okay, the doctor will be right with you.
Thank you.
Hmph.
Why did you wait so long to bring him to me? Hey.
.
.
we brought him here as fast as we could.
Your head aches, right? l will fix it for you.
Has he ever had chicken pox? Beats me.
l'll put that down as ''Yes.
'' Allergies, does he have any allergies? Professor, come and take a look at this stuff.
Oh.
.
.
This is nonsense anyway.
that, my dear, is an eye chart, though l confess, l don't recognize the alphabet.
l do-- it's the ''Witches' Alphabet.
'' My friend Sabrina was into this stuff.
''Manfred Xang, MD, Doctor of Philosophy, Auric and Pranic healing, spells, formulas, divinations.
'' Good heavens! Do you realize what we've done? We have delivered Quinn into the hands of a witch doctor.
( Xang screaming ) ( screams continue ) Uh-uh-uh! You may not disturb the doctor while he is behind closed doors.
Madam, to call that quack a quack, is to insult every genuine quack in the medical profession.
Hey! You all right? Of course he's all right.
Don't worry.
Your epidural sheath is epidendrum-like.
Has anyone ever told you that before? what's he saying? - He's coming on to you.
- Your friend's headache is annihilated.
Professor: Headacle? He's got a gunslot wound in his sloulder.
! that's too bad, l don't do shoulders.
Nurse: l'll bet that the Sorcerer could help.
He wouldn't see you of course, but still, you can get some of his miracle balm at the marketplace.
So who is this ''Sorcerer''? How dare you mention that clarlatan in my presence? Thanks to the Sorcerer, my practice is lalf what it was.
Just pay your bill and go! As for you, my dear, you may stay.
$266? For what? Your friend's headache's gone.
Services rendered.
Quinn: You know, actually, l do feel better.
that's beside the point.
We don't have this kind of money.
Hmm.
.
.
Given the fraudulent nature of this man's claims.
.
.
l suggest a response that harkens back to our childhoods.
Run! Run like hell.
Fools! l will bring a thousand curses down upon your heads! ( cat yowls ) Man on TV: Devil coax you to split Grandma's skull? - ( Quinn yelling ) - Voices in your lead urge you to pusl your sister down the stairs? Look at you.
Always turning on the TV first chance you get.
- ( Quinn groans ) - lt's all in the interest of science.
what better way to scope out a culture? Demon bill collectors showing up at your door? - l'm the lawyer who can stop them.
- Q-Ball, look who's here.
that slyster lawyer from our world.
l can get those demons off your back! l mean, off your back! l'm Ross J.
Kelly, and l'll fight for you! A world full of vampires.
l'm not gonna sleep a wink until we slide out of this place.
Mr.
Sorcerer Steak Sauce, now just $ 1.
79.
''Sorcerer'' this, ''Sorcerer'' that-- this guy's got the market cornered on everything.
Yeah, but l'd love to get a piece of his action! ( groans ) ( yells ) We'll-- use the closet in the other room.
( wolf lowls ) ( creaking ) ( footsteps, clains clanking ) ( footsteps continue ) ( knocking ) Rembrandt.
Quinn.
There's something coming.
( slow raps on door ) - ( bolt clicks ) - Come in.
( raspy breathing ) Wade: what is it? lt's a subpoena.
l'm being sued.
Kelly: Process servers.
that's why grim reapers get tlose gigs.
the intimidation factor.
And they just love waking folks up in the middle of the niglt.
After reviewing the summons that reaper handed you, there's not a whole lot l can do.
You said you could get bill collectors off our backs.
You said, ''Off our backs.
'' But you ran out on a bill owed to an accredited shaman.
l'm good, but l'm not that good.
We'll just have to find a way to get some cash.
Didn't you read the fine print before you signed that medical form? - No.
- Dr.
Xang has filed for a ''retribution substitution.
'' - Quinn: what does that mean? - Kelly: He gets his choice of a body part for his medical experiments if you default.
And he's chosen, according to this document, your brain.
You can't be serious.
This is some kind of a joke, right? ( laughs ) Sure, keep telling yourself that.
Well-- what else can we do? We could file for a delay, but by the time we got one you'd be dead.
This is insane.
l can't believe a civilized society could allow something like this.
l can try and talk to Xang's people, but in the meantime, stay off the streets.
You can't underestimate the danger you are in.
ln a few lours, every demon bounty lunter in the city will be tracking you down.
Have you got any idea what brains go for on the black market? So what's the verdict? Big trouble.
ls there anything we can do? Only the Sorcerer can help you now.
But of course, he'd never see you.
Professor: Sorcerers, grim reapers? Hogwash! We have seen nothing on this world that cannot be explained by natural law.
Rembrandt: Oh, yeah? that freakazoid last night didn't look too ''natural'' to me.
Six feet tall and 45 pounds.
Professor: that was a reject from a Halloween carnival.
Using makeup and costume to intimidate the simpleminded.
Wade: Meaning us? Professor: lf the hat fits, wear it.
Don't look now, guys, but we're being followed.
Quick, in here.
l've been expecting you.
Please be seated.
You have come such a long way to get here.
You must be very sad to be separated from your loved ones by such a great distance.
that's unbelievable.
Absolutely unbelievable.
what are you doing? lf there were four people in more desperate need of a reading, l don't believe them to exist in this or any other world.
You are all in grave danger.
Beware.
Beware, the forces of night are against you.
- Oh, please.
- Stay together.
Look out for one another if you are to survive this ordeal.
Professor: Could you possibly make this more general? Wade: Professor, don't be rude.
oh, come on.
lt's all generic.
Designed to fit most people in most situations.
that's how it works.
You are a man who feels slighted, yes? Because you were never fully appreciated in your closen profession.
Tlese are the invisible clains wlicl you bear.
You resent the boy.
.
.
because it comes so easily to him.
You are ''Salieri'' to his ''Mozart,'' yes? And because le reminds you of the son you neglected back lome.
Now if you truly want to impress me, madam.
.
.
tell us one thing that we do not know.
You must seek out the Sorcerer.
Only he can help you now.
But you must lurry, for he is about to go sliding.
Sliding? He has the magic to travel between worlds.
Trust in him, for he has the power to send you home.
The Sorcerer is a slider.
This is fantastic.
Professor: Yes, we've got to find this man and introduce ourselves to him.
lf he can control the slide, it's possible we could get home.
Home? l can't believe it.
Rembrandt: Becoming a true believer, Professor? Believer? My dear fellow, that half-baked performance in there was nothing but a vaudeville act.
Here's a cab.
Taxi! Wade: You know what l think, Professor? You're scared.
Scared? l am scared of nothing.
You are.
You can't accept anything that doesn't fit into your neat little package of science.
The supernatural does exist, even on our world.
- ( Professor laughs ) - Have you ever tried a Ouija board? Miss Wells, you're an intelligent young woman.
Why would you involve yourself with a Ouija board? You're not going to talk politics now in my cab, are you? The fundamentalists, now they want to bring Ouija boards into the classrooms.
l say is clear violation of coven and state.
Where to? Do you know where the Sorcerer lives? Do l know? ( laughing ) ls Helen Reddy? ( laughs ) Everybody knows where Sorcerer live.
Sorcerer live in big black castle on other side of Golden Gargoyle Gate Bridge.
Well, take us to the Sorcerer.
End of road.
( thunderclap ) Whoa, wait a minute.
This is it? Where's the bridge? There-- Golden Gargoyle Gate Bridge.
- ( screecling ) - Quinn: what was that? Bats.
Vicious.
.
.
bloodsucking bats.
Probably sent by Sorcerer to attack trespassers.
Oh, may the Sorcerer forgive me for taking you here.
( bats screecling ) Wade: Maybe we should go a different way-- through Oakland or something.
Professor: Nonsense.
We're not going to let superstitions interfere with us.
Come on! ( tlunderclap ) ( growls ) what was that? An owl.
( squealing ) Rembrandt: Oh, yeah, then what was that? that was a night warbler .
.
.
or a vulture.
Wade: what's a ''wobbler''? ( squealing, screecling ) Quinn: what was that? A nightingale on medication.
( laughs ) Come on.
Yeah-- funny, Professor.
- Wade: what's a ''wobbler''? - ( Rembrandt sighs ) Rembrandt: ''the Golden Gargoyle Gate Bridge.
'' Let's go.
( creaking ) Oh, man.
Nothing to it, guys.
Nothing to fear but fear itself.
Come along, Miss Wells.
Professor: Keep moving.
Come on.
Don't look down.
Come on.
Quinn: Man.
Oh my God! Quinn! Rembrandt: Whatever you do, don't look down.
Man, just back up.
.
.
slowly.
Okay? ( knocking ) This is really strange, Crying Man.
Quinn, let's just go back the way we came.
l'm not going back.
Oh, you're just going to jump across? No, l plan on walking across.
There's something about the diffusion of the moonlight.
Look.
lt looks like it's gone, but l can still feel the bridge.
l think it's an illusion designed to keep people from crossing.
Go back if you want to, but l'm going to see the Sorcerer.
Quinn, don't.
Quinn: Don't dwell on where we are-- don't look down-- just think about something else.
Professor: After you, Mr.
Brown.
Yeah.
l'll have you know this isn't the first time that ''The Crying Man'' has walked on air.
Yeah, it was December of '86, Norfolk.
The Coconut Grove.
Hundreds of leartsick fans saw ''the Crying Man '' give his final performance with the ''Spinning Topps.
'' Yeah, l can still hear them calling-- ''Rembrandt, Rembrandt! We want Rembrandt.
!'' ''Smoke and mirrors,'' Professor? that's exactly it, Miss Wells.
A ratler soplisticated conjurer's trick.
Keep going, keep going.
- Wade: that's incredible.
- Rembrandt: that's sometling, all right.
Very impressive.
( bird cawing ) ( creature grunting ) ( banging ecloes ) ( gate creaking ) lt's palatial.
l've had dreams about places like this.
We're here to see the Sorcerer.
( buzzes ) what gives? We've been hanging around this joint forever.
Look at it this way.
As long as we're here, l'm in no danger of having my brains carved out.
You don't believe that superstitious nonsense, do you? Go ahead, make light of it.
lt's not your brain he wants.
what's that supposed to mean? Knock it off, will you? We're arguing about brains.
This is an all-time low, guys.
This corporate newsletter says that everyone who works here lives on this side of the bridge and never goes into the city.
lt appears to be a business empire run by a mystical hermit.
that is the heart of the puzzle, isn't it? At one level we've got a world enthralled to the occult, at the same time under the tlumb of a big business conglomerate.
l bet he's clearing up nicely.
He's probably got a finger in every pie.
Wade: He looks familiar.
l'm Mr.
Gale, the Sorcerer's executive assistant.
How may l help you? Quinn: We'd like to see the Sorcerer.
l'm afraid that's impossible.
Mister, please.
We traveled a really long way to be here.
l'm sure you have.
Just last week we had a gentleman here from Japan asking to see the Sorcerer.
l believe le's back in Yokolama by now.
Unfortunately, he went home disappointed.
Believe it or not, we've come even farther than him.
You will return just as empty-handed.
Maybe we could just hang around for a while.
l'm afraid that's also impossible.
Guards! Sir, please.
Be reasonable.
Escort them to the bridge.
Should you try to enter the tower again, unpleasant force will be used against you.
Good day.
The Einstein- Rosen-Podolsky bridge-- we've crossed it.
! lt's a passageway between Earths.
We're sliders.
Man on P.
A.
: Wait.
! Send them to me.
This way, please.
Walk straight ahead, go to the second level and do not turn back.
( creaking ) Professor: this setting is obviously designed to intimidate the faint of leart, playing on man's primal fear of the dark.
l urge you to follow my example.
.
.
and not to be intimidated by it.
Stand where you are! l need to get a closer look at those who would dare to invade.
.
.
my domain.
There are no invaders here, Your Highness.
l will be the judge of that! l have lived.
.
.
for centuries.
.
.
sliding from world to world.
.
.
drawing my life blood from the corpses of my enemies.
Do you understand? Are you friend.
.
.
or foe? Friend.
Friends, definitely.
We mean you no harm.
Sorcerer: lf you are my friends, l will reward you for the courage of your journey.
l am master of the passageway between Earths.
He could get us home.
See, l knew it was a good thing coming here.
We met a new friend.
that's what life's all about, right? Words are hollow, human! Ask not what l can do for you, ask what you can do for me.
( sinister laugl ) Wade: Blueprints? Why would the Sorcerer want Dr.
Xang's blueprints? Rembrandt: Maybe the guy's got plans for a competing mini-mall.
who cares why le wants them? We got to figure out low to get them.
Professor: On the contrary, the smart move is to do absolutely nothing.
We find a nice, warm spot and we hole up until we slide, which is in approximately l.
.
.
think it's a little late for that, Professor.
Well, well, well.
Look what the black cat dragged in.
the boy with the fugitive brain.
( raspy laugh ) Help me strap him down.
Good work, my little friend.
You're the best in the business.
Cut the crap and give me my bounty.
This is truly a splendid specimen.
l may just keep it and put it in a jar right next to the brain of our beloved ex-president, Ed Wood, Jr.
, while the body's still warm.
Quinn? Get out.
l am sorry, Doctor, but these people just-- Get out of here, all of you, get out! Take the evening off.
l warn you, we are personal friends of the Sorcerer, and he's not going to like this one little bit.
Like l'm scared.
Keep back.
Dr.
Xang, please.
l'm begging you.
Take me instead.
Even trade.
l'll do anything you want.
- lt's a trick.
- Shut up.
You can always find another brain.
Where will you ever get another me? lf you're truly sincere, prove your commitment with a kiss.
Lying witch! ( gunshot ) l got one shell left.
Who wants it? l want my bounty.
l ought to kill you right now.
Get out! ( growls ) Hunter: l'll be back for my bounty.
You okay? l think so.
Come on, man, let's blow this place.
Not until we get the blueprints.
They'll get us home.
We have one shell left, reinforcements will be arriving shortly.
Files! Where are they? Guys, over here.
Do you realize the mistake you're making? Yes-- with luck we'll be out of here without having to pay for it.
Xang: You will pay for it-- for the rest of your lives.
Professor.
Electronic schematics.
.
.
for creation of an inter-dimensional portal? Gentlemen-- what we have here is plans for a sliding machine.
( hissing ) Guys.
.
.
( gun cocks ) that was quite probably someone's pet.
( screaming ) Well done, Mr.
Brown.
that was the pet's somebody.
( laughs ) ( laughs ) Mr.
Gale! Mr.
Gale! - Mr.
Gale, we did it.
- Let me see that.
- We've got to tell the Sorcerer.
- Well, very good.
l'll bring these directly up to him.
l'm sure he'll be contacting you in a week or two.
- Wade: what? - Rembrandt: Wait a minute.
We slide in an hour.
The Sorcerer gave us certain assurances in return for our efforts.
l'm very sorry, but there simply isn't a way to get an audience with the Sorcerer today.
Hey! Hey, you can't go up there! Guards! Ow! Guards! Aah! Security! How dare you come up here? The plans.
Your aide wouldn't let us through, Sorcerer, but you gave us your word! No! Stay back! ( electronic beeping ) Of course.
l knew it.
lt's like.
.
.
looking into a living mirror.
l wanted to meet you when l first saw you in the monitors.
My aide urged me not to.
And anyway.
.
.
l was too ashamed of what l've become.
l'm terribly sorry, sir.
We tried to stop him downstairs.
He tried to keep us from giving these to you.
Look, l made a judgment call.
How did Dr.
Xang get these schematics? These are your initialed copies.
Yes, l can explain that.
So can l.
To think l trusted you.
the years l sacrificed.
Escort this man out of the castle.
what? Notify the bounty hunters.
You can't do this to me! No, you promised me my stock options! No, Quinn! No, please! After all my years of service? Quinn, l made you.
! l made you.
( instruments beeping ) Who else has seen your real face? Only Mr.
Gale.
Oh-- and you, of course.
God.
.
.
you must be so lonely.
Oh.
.
.
is it that obvious? ( chuckles ) Wade: One tling l don't understand.
what did Xang want with a sliding machine? Very simple.
Market share.
For years, Xang and the shamans held these people hostage with their voodoo oaths and crackpot potions.
( laughs ) When l first slid onto this world, l sensed incredible business potential.
l had all these trade routes to bring great products from different worlds but l couldn't get shelf space.
Mr.
Gale and l created the ''Sorcerer'' trademark and the whole thing took off.
So Xang wants access to your suppliers? Exactly.
And you've become a prisoner of your own success.
ln some ways, aren't we all? Mr.
Gale convinced me the empire would collapse if the world found out the Sorcerer.
.
.
had a human face.
My other self is so vital.
He's living his life.
that's what l'm going to do from now on.
lt's a liberation for which l can never repay you.
But l'm still going to try by returning you home.
So how are we doing, guys? ls this thing really going to work? My double has an intriguing take on the sliding process.
He's actually figured out the spectrum readings of the toroidal colomology class.
The problem is that what he calls the ''Z2 Dileton embedment'' is a constant.
Come on, fellas, how about English? Think of a giant roulette wheel.
The problem is pinpointing which slot corresponds to the coordinates of our home Earth.
But there's a chance? Yes, there is simultaneously an absolutely probable chance and a high improbability-- simultaneously.
Quinn, l'm all done here.
All right.
Let's do it.
( rumbling ) lf it doesn't work, then at least we won't be any worse off then when we started.
Come on, guys, l want to go home.
Say a prayer for us.
You have a great heart, Mr.
Brown.
Professor? Courage, mon brave.
Et toi aussi, mon garcon.
Thanks for everything.
As for you.
.
.
l know, brother.
l owe you my brain! Whoa--! Quinn: lt's my louse.
ls it possible? Here's the bad news.
to the next window.
lf this isn't home, if we're wrong, we're stuck.
l don't know, guys.
According to this, OJ Simpson was tried for a double murder.
the Raiders play in Oakland.
Cleveland lndians made the World Series? A lot could've happened since we left.
that much? all right! This gate has been squeaking since l was 12.
l know the sound it makes like the back of my hand.
Rembrandt: l knew it was too good to be true.
that's what happens when you put your faith in sorcerers.
( wlirring ) Thanks for the iced tea, Mrs.
Mallory.
l trimmed the hedges and watered the lawn.
Oh, and hey, let me show you what l did with the gate.
( silent ) All it needed was a little oil.
Quinn always said he was going to fix it.
l know how much you miss him, Mrs.
M.
He'll be back one day.
l know he will.