Slings and Arrows s02e01 Episode Script
Season's End
(murmur of crowd) Mr.
Gilcrest: This is one of the greatest plays ever written, So shut up and listen! You'll sit there quietly with your hands in your laps.
You will not throw pennies at the actors! You will stare at that stage until it is over.
If I hear so much as a peep from any of you, I'll give you reason to be sorry, Mark my words.
Geoffrey: Well, this is what you get at the end of a run: School groups, bus tours.
They probably don't know what they're here to see.
There are some who know.
Look.
You see? Old woman: (gasps for breath) Nahum: She's a 100-years-old.
It's a struggle for her, And yet she still makes the effort.
Perhaps she's never seen the play before.
Old woman: (exhausted gasp) Let's hope she has seen it before.
à call me superstitious ô à or cowardly or weak ô à but I'll never play a character ô à whose name one dare not speak ô (crowd laughs) à I'll play hamlet in dublet and hose ô à or either of the dromeos ô à but sorry, I won't play mackers ô à I'll play richard the third in a hump and wig ô à or henry the eighth that selfish pig ô à but sorry, I don't do mackers ô à every soul who plays the role ô à risks injury or death ô à I'd rather sweep the bloody stage ô à than ever do mac - you know who ô à so gimme king lear, ô à cleopatra, ô à romeo and juliet, it doesn't mattra ô à I'll play them all for free ô à but I'd be crackers to take on mackers ô Ãâ you see I'm skittish about the scottish tragedy ô Ãâ och aye! Ãâ (enthusiastic applause) Mr.
Archer: But my cottage on lake joseph is on a boundary road Or something, I think they call it.
It's just a little, tiny road So it's not going to know that.
No, it's- enrico, I'm Sandy point road.
But I don't think I'm going to need that gps thing In the middle of the dashboard Because it's not going to know that little road, enrico.
I'll think it over And I'll get back to you by 4:00 p.
M.
Yeah, okay.
See you.
Sorry, I had to take that.
Anyway, you were saying.
Oh, uh, the festival.
Yeah.
After 44 critically acclaimed seasons, New burbage has set the benchmark For theatre festivals in north america.
Now, st.
Roque bottled water Has always been a valued sponsor.
Yeah, let's cut the bullshit.
You had a bad year.
Well, it was a difficult year For the theatre community generally.
Yeah, but you had that whole thing With cosmopolitan lenstrex.
Yes, there was a difference of opinion Over the direction the festival should take.
Yeah, I heard they screwed you.
I wouldn't say screwed, but Yeah, they screwed us.
All right, listen.
I'm afraid I have some bad news for you.
We're moving towards allying the st.
Roque brand With a more traditional charity.
So next year we're going to be cutting Our level sponsorship to you by half.
What?! Yeah, it's all very hush-hush But we got this big paralympics thing Happening in the spring.
Why would you do that?! You want to associate your product With crippled athletes? That makes no sense! Drink the water that blind hurdlers drink? That's insane! Jesus, richard, listen to yourself.
I'm sorry.
You sound like a nazi! I'm sorry.
My god, you're really in the shitter, aren't ya? We've lost 32 per cent of our corporate sponsorship.
Our subscriber base is dying.
The american tourists are staying away in droves.
We got a high dollar, bad reviews, I don't know what I'm supposed to do! Nobody will help us! I've been everywhere! Richard, you're just gonna have to sell more tickets, huh? It's not that easy! We're talking about theatre! Richard We sell people water, Something they can get out of a tap for free.
You people in the arts Have got to get your heads screwed on right.
Huh? You got to decide if you're a business or a charity.
If you're a business, Make your market, sell your product.
If you're a charity, go to the government, That's where the big money is.
I'll tell you what, You need some business savvy in your organization.
You get me on the board next season, I'll see what I can do.
(cell phone rings) Sorry, I've got to take this.
Have another drink.
Get outta here! Get the fuck outta here! Fuck off! It knows sandy point road? Oh enrico, You are a fucker, my friend! Jack: Hold you the watch tonight? (coin clatters) Frank: I do, my lord.
(cell phone rings) Arm'd say you? Arm'd, my lord.
Jack: From top to toe? Frank: My lord- (winces from coin) (students in audience laugh) Uh Oh yeah, "I do, my lord", I actually can't hear it, you know? So really get it out and then uh, You just got to move upstage right away, All right? Oh, I can hear the word rhubarb.
You want to try and vary that.
You know, cabbage even would work.
Ah, cyril! Okay, I think we're just- We're starting to lose our sense of place.
Where are we? What time of day is it? What's the light like? I see.
Is it cold? I see what you mean.
No, I mean is it cold? Oh, yes.
Great.
Well let's see the cold.
Let's feel it, all right? All right?! Oh, all right! Good.
Carry on.
As you were.
What did he say? Stamp your feet, dear.
We're losing the sense of place.
I'll be home about 6:00, and then I'll have to unwind.
No, uh I have to unwind alone, dear.
We're still in the first act.
I'll call you tonight.
Kiss, kiss.
(sighs) that was sloan.
It's like having a pet.
Okay, I've been thinking about the willow speech.
Oh, no.
When you describe ophelia's death Please- In great detail- Geoffrey, you're driving me insane! Why do you describe it in such detail? A young girl falls in the river and drowns.
That kind of thing tends to stick with you.
Why didn't you save her? I don't know.
I didn't want to ruin my dress.
Please don't make me talk about this now.
Ellen, come on.
(raps table) She was better off dead.
She was suffering.
Okay.
Let's take this a little bit further.
What if ophelia didn't drown? What if she killed herself? I say she was mad.
She was "incapable of her own distress".
You could be lying.
Oh jesus christ! Ophelia drowns.
And you stand by and watch it happen.
Why? Because you do believe that she'd be better off dead.
You already feel responsible for her madness, And now you feel responsible for her death.
So in a final act of mercy You lie about her death.
You disguise her apparent suicide So the poor thing can be buried in consecrated ground.
Geoffrey, That is a completely different approach to the speech! Yeah.
I think it might be a bit stronger than your - "I didn't want to ruin my dress" subtext.
Ellen: You can't do this to me! This is the last performance! Well, think of it as your last chance to get it right.
(strangled scream) Maria: Ten minutes Fuck! Kate, it's not my fault.
They pushed the shoot date up.
It's god's fault.
It's god's fault? A volcano erupted, Or didn't erupt or something.
I don't know, but it's out of my hands.
I'm sorry.
So you're just gone, Like that.
I know.
I'll be at the party.
I just can't stay till the end.
(incredulous laugh) I can't talk about this right now, okay? I can't believe you are just leaving! Hey, come with me.
They're giving me a house for the whole shoot.
On the big island Hawaii or uh, honolulu, whatever.
The big one! Kate, come with me.
I can't talk about this right now.
I can't talk about this right now, okay? Okay! Okay! After, after.
Yeah, if there's time.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Come with me? Go away! Please go away.
Maria: Five minutes until the top of the second act.
Five minutes.
(champagne pops) (excited chortle) Friend: Should you be drinking now? The show's not over.
It's champagne, not tequila.
Anyway, claudius is a boozer.
Watch me in act two.
I shall fly without a net.
Geoffrey: Ah, brian! When you have moment.
Oh my god, he's insufferable.
He's your director? Well he can't do this now, I'm in the middle of a performance.
Here, here, hang onto this, I'll be back in a minute.
Help yourself to another drink.
Ah, hey! So I've been thinking about your reaction To the murder of polonius.
Yes? I mean, you're relieved, obviously, You've been spared, And that really has to do with your fear, But I'm kind of wondering what is claudius' feeling About hamlet at this point? I mean, he's deranged, he's hunting him down- Geoffrey, I've started already.
Yes, I know.
I'm just thinking- Really, this is the last show And the audience is full of hoodlums.
What's the point? Excuse me? Oh, you're young, Comparatively speaking.
One day you'll learn to let go.
Let go of what? The play.
You see, You feel the show is your child.
Now I can respect that, But you're an overprotective parent, Constantly hovering and nattering.
You'd better be careful or your little boy Will end up in a clock tower with a rifle.
Brian, I'm the director of this play.
I have a problem with your performance.
Maria: Geoffrey What?! We've talked about giving notes at intermission.
Saved by the union.
Who would have thought? Thank you, maria.
Geoffrey: Fuck! Ellen: There is a willow grows askant a brook, That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream; There with fantastic garlands did she make of crow-flowers, Nettles, daisies, and long purples That liberal shepherds give a grosser name, But our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them.
There, on the pendent bough, Her coronet weeds clambering to hang, An envious sliver broke; When down her weedy trophies and herself Fell in the weeping brook.
Which time she chanted snatches of old lauds; As one incapable of her own distress.
But long it could not be Till that her garments, heavy with their drink, Pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay To muddy death.
I need to see geoffrey when I get back.
We need to talk.
Anna: Did you eat? Richard: Yes, I ate.
You sound cranky.
Richard: Anna All I do all day is beg for money.
I'm way beyond "cranky".
Anna: Well, I have some good news.
I wish I was cranky.
Henry breedlove's agent called.
It's looking good.
Really? Oh god, please stop screwing me for two minutes And let this happen.
(crowd applauds) Geoffrey: That was good.
Nahum: Good job.
Jack: Thanks.
Nunnery scene you were on fire.
Yeah.
Me and kate are having a fight.
I guess it kind of spilled on to the stage.
Some spills are hard to clean up.
No shit.
Moira: Geoffrey tennant! Who's that? That's moira.
She's a witch.
Run for your life.
Moira! It was cold in the theatre again.
I should have brought a blanket.
The last time I was so hot.
Well, I'm sorry.
Did you like the play? I liked it well enough.
It's hamlet.
True.
I liked you didn't tart it up.
Your ophelia was good.
So was the boy, the movie star, But both a little too pretty, if you ask me.
The theatre's no place for pretty faces.
I'll pass along the compliment.
Yes, I liked it well enough, But like I say, You can't go wrong with hamlet.
(polite laugh) And now, macbeth, That's another story.
I'm interested to see what you do with that one.
What do you mean? It's a puzzle for the best of them.
Oliver was obsessed with it.
He wrote reams of notes; He had a plan.
But you're not oliver.
No, and we're not doing macbeth.
Moira: Mmm, it's a trial by fire.
I've seen men broken by that play.
Oh yes.
I'm interested to see what you do with that one.
Oh, one request: Put in an intermission.
We're not animals.
You are doing that play? No, no.
It's a bad play.
Well, it has some problems.
It's full of blood.
No, what I mean is it's extraordinarily difficult To stage effectively.
It opens the door to the other world And beckons them.
It is an evil play.
It's not in the season, okay? Relax.
Good.
It's evil.
Yes, you made your point.
Thank you very much.
Back to your post.
(happy chatter) Congratulations, ellen.
Where's geoffrey? I don't know, he- God, I hate you.
(crash) (door opens) You're a fucking asshole! Geoffrey: Thanks.
Good work on the willow speech! Why are you doing this to me? It's not like we've just opened.
I cannot stand to see this play Butchered on matinees simply because the audience Happens to be full of school kids! I can't stand to see it murdered On two-show saturdays! I can't stand to see it tossed off or phoned in Or walked through.
I cannot stand to see this play done badly! Now why is that so hard for people to understand?! I'm not talking about "people".
I hate "people" as much as you.
I'm talking about the way that you treat me.
It has nothing to do with the integrity of the work.
It's personal.
Personal? It's all personal crap mixed up with work.
I think work is personal crap! Well, that proves my point, doesn't it? Oh, and you compartmentalize? You've got an ego bigger than this building! You see? That's an insult.
You just insulted me.
You're like school boy with a crush.
(laughing) oh, come on.
Look me in the eye and tell me different.
Ellen Look me in the eye and tell me different.
You see? Hey, there you are.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
We're done.
Can you believe it? We have to talk about hawaii.
Um, can we just enjoy this moment for what it is Before we start talking about all that other stuff? Okay.
Okay.
Uh You were great.
(laughs) You were great too.
(glasses clink) You are great.
(laughs) Kate Kate Listen Cheyenne: (squeals excitedly) ally oop! Oh Cheyenne.
Oh god, you were so awesome, you fucking star! You saw the show? I flew up.
What? I'm fucking not going to see you do hamlet, you loser? God, I can't keep my hands off you.
I just want to- Kate, this is cheyenne.
Hi.
Hi.
She's going to be in the movie with me.
(sexy sigh) Oh you were the lawyer on mistrial diaries, right? Okay, those weren't my tits.
I want everybody to know that.
They used a body double.
Okay.
I wish they were my tits, don't get me wrong.
(laughs) Kate was ophelia.
Cheyenne: Oh god.
You were so great.
Really.
Wow.
Do you have to cry like that every night? My god, that must be fucking hell.
Yeah, yeah it is.
I have got to talk to you.
Where are they putting you up in hawaii? Uh, they rented a house, somebody's house.
Okay, I'm in a fucking seniors resort, I swear to god.
It's like all cadillacs and old people.
Really.
So can you do me a favour? Can you get your agent to call my agent And tell him what he got you, Because he's telling me that everyone's in a suite And I know he's fucking lying! Sure.
Who's your agent? I fucking love you! Mmm, is that champagne? Yeah, it's in the greenroom.
Show me.
Okay.
Yes! (passionate kisses) Ah! Okay, stop! Okay, sorry.
No, no, no, no.
It was to be expected.
It's an end of season thing.
Was it? Yes.
It was a release of tension.
There was a lot of tension building.
Personal crap.
Exactly.
Now it's done.
That can't ever happen again.
It was good, though.
Yes.
I enjoyed it.
That's not the point.
I haven't kissed you in seven years.
Nearly eight.
And it was nice, But it can't happen again, okay? Now, sorry, but I have to go home.
Sloan's coming for dinner And I have to get ready for the party.
Geoffrey: Ellen.
Congratulations on a wonderful season.
Thank you.
That was sarcasm, wasn't it? It was a terrible season except for your hamlet.
Asshole.
See you at the party.
Oh, ellen, congratulations.
What do you mean by that? For the season? Congratulations? Oh right, sorry.
Thank you.
Uh, geoffrey, richard would like to see you.
He's, he's been drinking.
He's drunk, basically.
Wise man.
Congratulations on a wonderful season, geoffrey.
Well, half season.
Well, it wasn't wonderful when oliver died.
That was horrible.
But anyway, you know, congratulations.
Thanks.
You too.
First of all Drink? Sure.
First of all Congratulations on a wonderful season.
Well, thank you.
You too.
(glasses clink) Secondly of all We are in terrible financial shape.
We're in the middle of a serious financial crisis.
The loss of cosmopolitan lenstrex was a big blow, A big, big, big blow.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
She was a witch.
She seduced me, man.
And, you know, I haven't had much experience with women It's okay.
The sex, oh it was gymnastic.
Richard, What's done is done.
What the hell are we going to do? I mean, I know what I'm going to have to do.
I'm going to have to go to the minister of culture And beg for money Like some kind of blind hurdler.
Well, I think we should downsize.
We're going to have to downsize.
I'm going to have to fire people.
Anna's going to kill me.
Richard, I agree with you.
Oh? Yeah.
This place is too big.
We need a small company of good, solid actors, And a little fear.
There's not enough fear here.
Actors should be frightened for their lives.
That's when they do their best work.
Really? Mmm-hmm.
That's just like normal people.
Mmm-hmm.
Well Then All I have to say to you sir, Is I'm going to do my best to try and support you And to be better at my job.
Drink? No, you know what? Why don't we, uh, We'll share a bottle at the party.
Richard: I don't think anybody wants me there.
Geoffrey: Oh come on, they all love you.
Let's go.
All right.
Oh wait! Wait! There's good news! Henry breedlove is finally available.
What would he do exactly? Macbeth.
Where? Where?! Here! At the rose.
Oliver always wanted it.
It's not in the season! Well, we'll cut something.
You know, um Anthony and cleopatra.
No! No, no, geoffrey, come on! This is good news! Henry is a major draw.
Ca ching! Oliver always wanted him to play the part.
He talked about it all the time.
It would be a great tribute.
No! I am not doing macbeth! It is an extraordinarily difficult play To stage effectively.
No it's not.
I'm not talking to you.
No, no, come on! Geoffrey! This is good news! (shrieks) Oh god! I want to give you your end of season reward.
Sweetie, I told you I needed some time alone.
Can it wait? Well it doesn't want to wait.
Ellen: I'm sure it doesn't.
How did you get in here? I, uh, slipped the catch on the kitchen window.
I just wanted to surprise you.
Sweetie People my age don't like being surprised.
We can die of surprise.
Fine.
I'll uh I'll go.
I'm sorry.
It's a very emotional day.
It's the end of season.
It's difficult.
Sloan: You can't keep shutting me out, ellen.
What? You're all about your work, you know? Hey, I understand that.
I spend 20 hours a week in the weight room.
I know what it's like to be dedicated to what I do.
20 hours a week? But I don't let the fact that I win or lose a race Effect our relationship.
You know what I'm saying? You can compartmentalize.
What? It's different in the theatre.
Sloan: Okay, so maybe it is.
Maybe an actor can't separate his life and his work.
So So just let me in.
Let me into your world.
Oh, sweetie, you don't want to go there.
It's a horrible place.
Okay, fine.
Forget I said anything.
Sorry.
You're right, you're absolutely right.
God, I don't deserve you.
I'll tell you what, You can come to the party.
You can spend the night with a bunch of drunken actors And then you can see why I want to keep you away From my world.
That's cool.
Now can I give you your uh, your reward? Okay But it will have to be quick.
(nervous exhale) Oh my god! What the hell is that?! It was my kawasaki.
Ellen Will you marry me? Yes.
Cyril: Benedict has arrived! (big kiss) Hey.
Come on, love, let's have a nip.
Benedict? As in arnold.
It's a term of affection, dearie.
Have you seen geoffrey? I saw his hamlet.
It was greatly overrated.
Have you seen geoffrey? Ah, the ghost light.
Ah, for the ghosts.
You ever seen one? A ghost? No.
I see shadows, shapes.
They are shy, ghosts.
I'd like to see one, though.
So you've never seen.
Oliver? Nahum: Oliver welles? No.
Is something bothering you? They want me to do macbeth.
Damn it.
Why does that bother you? I do not like that play.
It teaches us nothing.
It teaches us about evil.
Nahum: No.
It shows us evil.
It's a portrait of a psychopath.
Where I come from in nigeria, It is a familiar sight.
I've had my fill of psychopaths.
(dance music plays) Let's do it.
What? I want to dance with my fiancee.
Remember I said not to say that word out loud.
Come on, just one dance.
I can't, sweetie, my feet hurt.
Come on! I've been in queen shoes all day.
Sorry.
Well I got to.
The beat's got my feet.
(dance music continues) Do you mind? No, no.
Women should stick together on closing nights.
After the apprentices have had a few They start hunting for strays like a pack of jackals.
Cheyenne: (shrieks with laughter) Who's that person with jack? Cheyenne: (laughs and giggles) Oh that's a friend of his who came in for the last show.
Do you hate her? Yes.
Can I ask you something? I don't know what to say, dear.
It's gonna hurt when he's gone.
He wants me to come with him.
Oh what? And hang around the craft table While they have sex in a spaceship? You'll be miserable.
Well, he thinks I could get work.
Playing some fat stand-up's goofy secretary And thinking all the while "I gave up juliet for this?" No, dear.
Hollywood is not the place for an actress of your calibre.
Thank you.
You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that.
Well It wasn't easy to say that.
He asked me to marry him.
When? Today, at his apartment.
Well, men ask women to marry them For all sorts of stupid reasons.
Don't let that cloud your judgement.
Cheyenne: No, I'm totally serious.
They take fat from your ass and put it in your cheeks.
Wow.
I mean, fuck off, doctor, you know? Hi.
Can I borrow him for a minute? Oh.
Geoffrey: What is she? She was miss nebraska.
Now she's uh A monster.
Ah.
Hey, uh, thank you for everything.
This has been the most incredible experience Of my life.
I wish I could stay.
Why don't you? I can't.
I'd be sued.
I owe the studio three pictures.
Oh.
Is that a good thing? We'll see.
I asked kate to marry me.
She won't give me an answer.
My limo gets here at 9:00.
Well, "this is the very ecstasy of love".
From one hamlet to another.
(clink) (dance tune changes) Sloan: Anna, come with me.
Come on.
Woo! Frank: (laughs) Cyril: He turned to him and he said, He said, "my boy A secret is something you never share.
Kindly keep your war wound to yourself.
(laughter) I want to apologize for everything I've done: For selling out the festival, And for sabotaging the hamlet.
My behaviour was inexcusable.
It was a sex thing.
I want to tell all of you that nothing like that Will ever happen again.
I swear to god.
Do you remember that time young peter Entered two scenes too early To announce that lady m had kicked the bucket And without missing a beat stephen armond said, "you might want to check with her doctor.
I think she's still hanging on.
" (laughter) Hanging on.
Geoffrey.
What have you got for me next season? Well, I don't know, brian.
You don't know? You're just going to make up the season as you go along, eh? Things are kind of up in the air right now.
I might not even be coming back.
Board came to its senses, did it? Well, no, it's my decision actually.
Well, geoffrey, I think a year or two off Will be good for you.
Get some perspective.
Learn your craft.
Where does this attitude come from exactly? You see that's your problem, right there.
Lack of respect.
You know, you left here in disgrace And then you came scurrying back With your tail between your legs.
You dragged oliver's memory through the dirt- Watch what you say, brian.
You directed one play.
This was oliver's season, not yours.
Remember that.
You stole it from him.
And since you're going let me tell you this, You're not worthy of this theatre.
You never were.
Rest perturbed spirit, Rest.
Well, that was lovely.
He's been here forever.
Oh haven't we all.
Oh jesus, geoffrey, life is horrible.
Amen.
I'm quitting.
What? I'm quitting my job.
Because of brian? No.
Although that little exchange doesn't help.
No, I'm just Oh I'm sick of this place.
Don't leave me here alone, geoffrey.
Oh don't worry, I don't think you'll be alone.
Sloan: (shouts) ellen! Christ.
Okay, this is it.
Uh, I gotta go.
The limo's waiting.
I gotta pack.
Okay, let's go.
No, I can't- jack, I can't go with you.
I can't.
I have dreamt of being here my entire life.
Okay- They've asked me to play juliet.
Do you know what that means to me? Do you You're asking me to give that up.
I'm asking you to marry me.
I'm asking you to marry me And I've never asked anyone to marry me before In real life.
Jack, please don't make this about Whether or not I want to marry you.
That's exactly what this is about.
No it's not.
Yes it is.
It-it If that's what this is about, then no.
No? No.
There, I said it.
Say the whole thing.
Say the whole thing.
Say Say it.
Say "no I don't want to marry you, jack.
" Shut up.
Say it! Stop! Stop torturing me.
I said no.
That's all I have to say.
Go get in the limo and go to hawaii.
(strangled) no Okay, I'm going to call you On my cell phone.
Sloan: Conga! You know, he's not a threat to you.
Who? The boy.
Love you! A threat to what exactly? Oh jesus, geoffrey, Why do you make me squirm like this? We have a relationship.
Don't we? Okay.
So he's not a threat to the thing we have.
Well, that's wonderful.
But your little dalliance with skippy over there Is not the reason that I'm leaving.
Oh jesus christ, what then? They're making me change the season.
They want me to drop anthony and cleopatra.
Oh shit.
Why? To do "cats"? No.
Macbeth.
God, really? So I would play lady m.
? Who would play mackers? Henry breedlove.
Geoffrey, that is thrilling! He's brilliant! And it is a better play than anthony and cleopatra.
No, no, no, no, no! Arguably it is not a better play.
It's actually quite flawed.
It is extraordinarily difficult to stage effectively.
It is blood, blood, blood and more blood, And I don't want to do it.
This was oliver's thing.
It would be a nice gesture in oliver's memory.
You know? Oh god, ellen.
You too? It would be good karma.
Karma.
You just want to play lady macbeth.
God, yes.
I don't believe this! Oliver welles is dead! I poured him in the river and swans ate him.
What do I have to do To get this man out of my life?! You think he's going to come back, don't you? What? No, that's not it.
That's what it is, isn't it? No, it is not.
I'll be there if he does.
Oh, thank you.
But, you know, frankly, All this talk about our special relationship And how you'll be there to protect me, Well it kind of rings just a little hollow Given the present circumstances.
Woman: (shrieks) (crash) Sloan: (drunken laugh) Hey, I'm all right.
Would you excuse me for a moment? Sure.
Sloan: Whoa! (guttural sob) (sobs) He lied.
(bangs on wall) (guttural sob) (sobs) Sloan: I'm so wasted.
Ellen: I know.
Sloan: Hey, what about my bike? Ellen: It'll be safe here.
Sloan: I can ride it.
Ellen: Oh no you can't, dear.
316 mackenzie place, basement apartment.
Entrance is at the side.
I want to dance.
And the key's in the milk box.
I want to dance with my wife! Shut up, dear.
I'm sorry, but You're going to think I'm horrible I can't take this.
If you were sober You could see the wisdom in this.
You're young; I'm old.
It's not natural.
What's happening? You have to find yourself a little raver baby thingy.
Sorry.
You're wonderful.
I'm horrible.
Fuck! Just go now, please, before one of us throws up.
Kate, does jack love you? Yes.
Do you love jack? Yes.
Then go.
Just go.
(incredulous laugh) you just- You just told me that I'd be miserable.
This is the life of an actress: You play the ingenues, you play the queens, You play the dreaded nurse and then you retire to pal.
And you sit there in the dining room Eating rice pudding, and hearing endless tales Of life on the wicked stage, And you realize that you never really lived at all.
You just pretended.
Is that what you want? I can't believe you're saying this to me.
I'm supposed to play juliet.
You can play it, or you can live it.
Your choice.
Oh my god.
Kate, you know me.
I'm petty and bitter.
There's a reason for that, okay? Don't make me spell it out! Just go.
"go girl.
Seek happy nights to happy days.
" See? I'm playing the nurse already.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Here she comes.
Richard: (singing) ô for my military knowledge ô à though I'm plucky and adventury ô à has only brought me down to the beginning of the century ô à but still in matters vegetable, ô à animal and mineral, ô à I am the very model of a modern major-general ô (ends on a big note and holds it) (single person claps) Cyril: You've got quite the voice.
Thanks.
I played schroeder in my high school production Of "you're a good man charlie brown".
Do you know that musical? Yes I do.
Well I won the drama award.
Cyril: I'm not surprised.
Geoffrey, Sloan proposed to me today.
I said yes.
Well.
Mazel tov.
I don't know what life I'm supposed to be living, But I'm guessing it's not as sloan's Older, crazy, actress wife.
So I ended it.
I gave him back his sweet little diamond chip And I sent him on his way.
It was very, very hard, So don't write it off with some sarcastic remark.
I did it for you, okay? Now You be brave and you suck it up And you stay here and you direct me In that fucking play! (deep sigh) Geoffrey! Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Ladies and gentlemen could you please gather Gather your senses for a moment.
I'd just like to say that these last few months Have been uh Well, an often enjoyable and always interesting journey Down into the depths of hell.
But I would urge you to brace yourselves For the future.
The festival is in the shitter, financially at least, And the road that lies ahead would make dante himself Hock his ticket.
Electra, pericles, troilus and cressida, Pirates of penzance, a murder in the cathedral, Romeo and juliet, A new canadian play, And most frighteningly Macbeth.
Richard: (claps by himself) Geoffrey: Yes, macbeth is a late addition to the season, A mandated tribute to the late oliver welles.
(applause and cheers) There will be struggle, There will be sacrifice, There will be tears, There will be the occasional fist fight, And in the end there will be Transformation.
It just breaks my heart that not all of you Can be part of it.
Thank you.
(smattering of applause) Happy? Take me home.
Sure.
(cyril plays the piano) Frank: (sings) ô all I have are memories ô à and memories make me blue ô à all my days are days gone by ô à what once made me smile ô à now makes me cry ô à a wishing well, a steeple bell, ô à a bicycle built for two ô (laughs) Frank: (singing) ô nothing more than memories ô à memories of you ô Geoffrey, wait.
What? I'm a lot older now.
Yeah, me too.
I just don't want you to be disappointed.
Oh ellen, god.
I don't know who you've been with.
Firm young actresses? No.
No.
What? Firm young actors? No.
I haven't been with anyone.
You're lying.
No, I'm telling you the truth.
For eight years? Ellen, listen, you have to remember, I was in an asylum.
And then when I got out, I just kind of never met the right girl.
God, geoffrey, I've been with a few- I know.
Dozens: Waiters, apprentices.
I know.
None of them meant anything to me.
What about your fiance? Stick to the topic.
Ellen I've never thought about anybody but you.
Geoffrey.
Don't make me cry.
I look way older when I cry.
Oh, shhh (passionate kissing) Cyril: (sings) ô a small cafe along the lake ô à a love that was pure and true ô à all I have are memories ô à memories of you ô (pats his back) Frank: (sighs) I'm knackered.
Yes.
Let's go home.
(train horn blows in distance)
Gilcrest: This is one of the greatest plays ever written, So shut up and listen! You'll sit there quietly with your hands in your laps.
You will not throw pennies at the actors! You will stare at that stage until it is over.
If I hear so much as a peep from any of you, I'll give you reason to be sorry, Mark my words.
Geoffrey: Well, this is what you get at the end of a run: School groups, bus tours.
They probably don't know what they're here to see.
There are some who know.
Look.
You see? Old woman: (gasps for breath) Nahum: She's a 100-years-old.
It's a struggle for her, And yet she still makes the effort.
Perhaps she's never seen the play before.
Old woman: (exhausted gasp) Let's hope she has seen it before.
à call me superstitious ô à or cowardly or weak ô à but I'll never play a character ô à whose name one dare not speak ô (crowd laughs) à I'll play hamlet in dublet and hose ô à or either of the dromeos ô à but sorry, I won't play mackers ô à I'll play richard the third in a hump and wig ô à or henry the eighth that selfish pig ô à but sorry, I don't do mackers ô à every soul who plays the role ô à risks injury or death ô à I'd rather sweep the bloody stage ô à than ever do mac - you know who ô à so gimme king lear, ô à cleopatra, ô à romeo and juliet, it doesn't mattra ô à I'll play them all for free ô à but I'd be crackers to take on mackers ô Ãâ you see I'm skittish about the scottish tragedy ô Ãâ och aye! Ãâ (enthusiastic applause) Mr.
Archer: But my cottage on lake joseph is on a boundary road Or something, I think they call it.
It's just a little, tiny road So it's not going to know that.
No, it's- enrico, I'm Sandy point road.
But I don't think I'm going to need that gps thing In the middle of the dashboard Because it's not going to know that little road, enrico.
I'll think it over And I'll get back to you by 4:00 p.
M.
Yeah, okay.
See you.
Sorry, I had to take that.
Anyway, you were saying.
Oh, uh, the festival.
Yeah.
After 44 critically acclaimed seasons, New burbage has set the benchmark For theatre festivals in north america.
Now, st.
Roque bottled water Has always been a valued sponsor.
Yeah, let's cut the bullshit.
You had a bad year.
Well, it was a difficult year For the theatre community generally.
Yeah, but you had that whole thing With cosmopolitan lenstrex.
Yes, there was a difference of opinion Over the direction the festival should take.
Yeah, I heard they screwed you.
I wouldn't say screwed, but Yeah, they screwed us.
All right, listen.
I'm afraid I have some bad news for you.
We're moving towards allying the st.
Roque brand With a more traditional charity.
So next year we're going to be cutting Our level sponsorship to you by half.
What?! Yeah, it's all very hush-hush But we got this big paralympics thing Happening in the spring.
Why would you do that?! You want to associate your product With crippled athletes? That makes no sense! Drink the water that blind hurdlers drink? That's insane! Jesus, richard, listen to yourself.
I'm sorry.
You sound like a nazi! I'm sorry.
My god, you're really in the shitter, aren't ya? We've lost 32 per cent of our corporate sponsorship.
Our subscriber base is dying.
The american tourists are staying away in droves.
We got a high dollar, bad reviews, I don't know what I'm supposed to do! Nobody will help us! I've been everywhere! Richard, you're just gonna have to sell more tickets, huh? It's not that easy! We're talking about theatre! Richard We sell people water, Something they can get out of a tap for free.
You people in the arts Have got to get your heads screwed on right.
Huh? You got to decide if you're a business or a charity.
If you're a business, Make your market, sell your product.
If you're a charity, go to the government, That's where the big money is.
I'll tell you what, You need some business savvy in your organization.
You get me on the board next season, I'll see what I can do.
(cell phone rings) Sorry, I've got to take this.
Have another drink.
Get outta here! Get the fuck outta here! Fuck off! It knows sandy point road? Oh enrico, You are a fucker, my friend! Jack: Hold you the watch tonight? (coin clatters) Frank: I do, my lord.
(cell phone rings) Arm'd say you? Arm'd, my lord.
Jack: From top to toe? Frank: My lord- (winces from coin) (students in audience laugh) Uh Oh yeah, "I do, my lord", I actually can't hear it, you know? So really get it out and then uh, You just got to move upstage right away, All right? Oh, I can hear the word rhubarb.
You want to try and vary that.
You know, cabbage even would work.
Ah, cyril! Okay, I think we're just- We're starting to lose our sense of place.
Where are we? What time of day is it? What's the light like? I see.
Is it cold? I see what you mean.
No, I mean is it cold? Oh, yes.
Great.
Well let's see the cold.
Let's feel it, all right? All right?! Oh, all right! Good.
Carry on.
As you were.
What did he say? Stamp your feet, dear.
We're losing the sense of place.
I'll be home about 6:00, and then I'll have to unwind.
No, uh I have to unwind alone, dear.
We're still in the first act.
I'll call you tonight.
Kiss, kiss.
(sighs) that was sloan.
It's like having a pet.
Okay, I've been thinking about the willow speech.
Oh, no.
When you describe ophelia's death Please- In great detail- Geoffrey, you're driving me insane! Why do you describe it in such detail? A young girl falls in the river and drowns.
That kind of thing tends to stick with you.
Why didn't you save her? I don't know.
I didn't want to ruin my dress.
Please don't make me talk about this now.
Ellen, come on.
(raps table) She was better off dead.
She was suffering.
Okay.
Let's take this a little bit further.
What if ophelia didn't drown? What if she killed herself? I say she was mad.
She was "incapable of her own distress".
You could be lying.
Oh jesus christ! Ophelia drowns.
And you stand by and watch it happen.
Why? Because you do believe that she'd be better off dead.
You already feel responsible for her madness, And now you feel responsible for her death.
So in a final act of mercy You lie about her death.
You disguise her apparent suicide So the poor thing can be buried in consecrated ground.
Geoffrey, That is a completely different approach to the speech! Yeah.
I think it might be a bit stronger than your - "I didn't want to ruin my dress" subtext.
Ellen: You can't do this to me! This is the last performance! Well, think of it as your last chance to get it right.
(strangled scream) Maria: Ten minutes Fuck! Kate, it's not my fault.
They pushed the shoot date up.
It's god's fault.
It's god's fault? A volcano erupted, Or didn't erupt or something.
I don't know, but it's out of my hands.
I'm sorry.
So you're just gone, Like that.
I know.
I'll be at the party.
I just can't stay till the end.
(incredulous laugh) I can't talk about this right now, okay? I can't believe you are just leaving! Hey, come with me.
They're giving me a house for the whole shoot.
On the big island Hawaii or uh, honolulu, whatever.
The big one! Kate, come with me.
I can't talk about this right now.
I can't talk about this right now, okay? Okay! Okay! After, after.
Yeah, if there's time.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Come with me? Go away! Please go away.
Maria: Five minutes until the top of the second act.
Five minutes.
(champagne pops) (excited chortle) Friend: Should you be drinking now? The show's not over.
It's champagne, not tequila.
Anyway, claudius is a boozer.
Watch me in act two.
I shall fly without a net.
Geoffrey: Ah, brian! When you have moment.
Oh my god, he's insufferable.
He's your director? Well he can't do this now, I'm in the middle of a performance.
Here, here, hang onto this, I'll be back in a minute.
Help yourself to another drink.
Ah, hey! So I've been thinking about your reaction To the murder of polonius.
Yes? I mean, you're relieved, obviously, You've been spared, And that really has to do with your fear, But I'm kind of wondering what is claudius' feeling About hamlet at this point? I mean, he's deranged, he's hunting him down- Geoffrey, I've started already.
Yes, I know.
I'm just thinking- Really, this is the last show And the audience is full of hoodlums.
What's the point? Excuse me? Oh, you're young, Comparatively speaking.
One day you'll learn to let go.
Let go of what? The play.
You see, You feel the show is your child.
Now I can respect that, But you're an overprotective parent, Constantly hovering and nattering.
You'd better be careful or your little boy Will end up in a clock tower with a rifle.
Brian, I'm the director of this play.
I have a problem with your performance.
Maria: Geoffrey What?! We've talked about giving notes at intermission.
Saved by the union.
Who would have thought? Thank you, maria.
Geoffrey: Fuck! Ellen: There is a willow grows askant a brook, That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream; There with fantastic garlands did she make of crow-flowers, Nettles, daisies, and long purples That liberal shepherds give a grosser name, But our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them.
There, on the pendent bough, Her coronet weeds clambering to hang, An envious sliver broke; When down her weedy trophies and herself Fell in the weeping brook.
Which time she chanted snatches of old lauds; As one incapable of her own distress.
But long it could not be Till that her garments, heavy with their drink, Pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay To muddy death.
I need to see geoffrey when I get back.
We need to talk.
Anna: Did you eat? Richard: Yes, I ate.
You sound cranky.
Richard: Anna All I do all day is beg for money.
I'm way beyond "cranky".
Anna: Well, I have some good news.
I wish I was cranky.
Henry breedlove's agent called.
It's looking good.
Really? Oh god, please stop screwing me for two minutes And let this happen.
(crowd applauds) Geoffrey: That was good.
Nahum: Good job.
Jack: Thanks.
Nunnery scene you were on fire.
Yeah.
Me and kate are having a fight.
I guess it kind of spilled on to the stage.
Some spills are hard to clean up.
No shit.
Moira: Geoffrey tennant! Who's that? That's moira.
She's a witch.
Run for your life.
Moira! It was cold in the theatre again.
I should have brought a blanket.
The last time I was so hot.
Well, I'm sorry.
Did you like the play? I liked it well enough.
It's hamlet.
True.
I liked you didn't tart it up.
Your ophelia was good.
So was the boy, the movie star, But both a little too pretty, if you ask me.
The theatre's no place for pretty faces.
I'll pass along the compliment.
Yes, I liked it well enough, But like I say, You can't go wrong with hamlet.
(polite laugh) And now, macbeth, That's another story.
I'm interested to see what you do with that one.
What do you mean? It's a puzzle for the best of them.
Oliver was obsessed with it.
He wrote reams of notes; He had a plan.
But you're not oliver.
No, and we're not doing macbeth.
Moira: Mmm, it's a trial by fire.
I've seen men broken by that play.
Oh yes.
I'm interested to see what you do with that one.
Oh, one request: Put in an intermission.
We're not animals.
You are doing that play? No, no.
It's a bad play.
Well, it has some problems.
It's full of blood.
No, what I mean is it's extraordinarily difficult To stage effectively.
It opens the door to the other world And beckons them.
It is an evil play.
It's not in the season, okay? Relax.
Good.
It's evil.
Yes, you made your point.
Thank you very much.
Back to your post.
(happy chatter) Congratulations, ellen.
Where's geoffrey? I don't know, he- God, I hate you.
(crash) (door opens) You're a fucking asshole! Geoffrey: Thanks.
Good work on the willow speech! Why are you doing this to me? It's not like we've just opened.
I cannot stand to see this play Butchered on matinees simply because the audience Happens to be full of school kids! I can't stand to see it murdered On two-show saturdays! I can't stand to see it tossed off or phoned in Or walked through.
I cannot stand to see this play done badly! Now why is that so hard for people to understand?! I'm not talking about "people".
I hate "people" as much as you.
I'm talking about the way that you treat me.
It has nothing to do with the integrity of the work.
It's personal.
Personal? It's all personal crap mixed up with work.
I think work is personal crap! Well, that proves my point, doesn't it? Oh, and you compartmentalize? You've got an ego bigger than this building! You see? That's an insult.
You just insulted me.
You're like school boy with a crush.
(laughing) oh, come on.
Look me in the eye and tell me different.
Ellen Look me in the eye and tell me different.
You see? Hey, there you are.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
We're done.
Can you believe it? We have to talk about hawaii.
Um, can we just enjoy this moment for what it is Before we start talking about all that other stuff? Okay.
Okay.
Uh You were great.
(laughs) You were great too.
(glasses clink) You are great.
(laughs) Kate Kate Listen Cheyenne: (squeals excitedly) ally oop! Oh Cheyenne.
Oh god, you were so awesome, you fucking star! You saw the show? I flew up.
What? I'm fucking not going to see you do hamlet, you loser? God, I can't keep my hands off you.
I just want to- Kate, this is cheyenne.
Hi.
Hi.
She's going to be in the movie with me.
(sexy sigh) Oh you were the lawyer on mistrial diaries, right? Okay, those weren't my tits.
I want everybody to know that.
They used a body double.
Okay.
I wish they were my tits, don't get me wrong.
(laughs) Kate was ophelia.
Cheyenne: Oh god.
You were so great.
Really.
Wow.
Do you have to cry like that every night? My god, that must be fucking hell.
Yeah, yeah it is.
I have got to talk to you.
Where are they putting you up in hawaii? Uh, they rented a house, somebody's house.
Okay, I'm in a fucking seniors resort, I swear to god.
It's like all cadillacs and old people.
Really.
So can you do me a favour? Can you get your agent to call my agent And tell him what he got you, Because he's telling me that everyone's in a suite And I know he's fucking lying! Sure.
Who's your agent? I fucking love you! Mmm, is that champagne? Yeah, it's in the greenroom.
Show me.
Okay.
Yes! (passionate kisses) Ah! Okay, stop! Okay, sorry.
No, no, no, no.
It was to be expected.
It's an end of season thing.
Was it? Yes.
It was a release of tension.
There was a lot of tension building.
Personal crap.
Exactly.
Now it's done.
That can't ever happen again.
It was good, though.
Yes.
I enjoyed it.
That's not the point.
I haven't kissed you in seven years.
Nearly eight.
And it was nice, But it can't happen again, okay? Now, sorry, but I have to go home.
Sloan's coming for dinner And I have to get ready for the party.
Geoffrey: Ellen.
Congratulations on a wonderful season.
Thank you.
That was sarcasm, wasn't it? It was a terrible season except for your hamlet.
Asshole.
See you at the party.
Oh, ellen, congratulations.
What do you mean by that? For the season? Congratulations? Oh right, sorry.
Thank you.
Uh, geoffrey, richard would like to see you.
He's, he's been drinking.
He's drunk, basically.
Wise man.
Congratulations on a wonderful season, geoffrey.
Well, half season.
Well, it wasn't wonderful when oliver died.
That was horrible.
But anyway, you know, congratulations.
Thanks.
You too.
First of all Drink? Sure.
First of all Congratulations on a wonderful season.
Well, thank you.
You too.
(glasses clink) Secondly of all We are in terrible financial shape.
We're in the middle of a serious financial crisis.
The loss of cosmopolitan lenstrex was a big blow, A big, big, big blow.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
She was a witch.
She seduced me, man.
And, you know, I haven't had much experience with women It's okay.
The sex, oh it was gymnastic.
Richard, What's done is done.
What the hell are we going to do? I mean, I know what I'm going to have to do.
I'm going to have to go to the minister of culture And beg for money Like some kind of blind hurdler.
Well, I think we should downsize.
We're going to have to downsize.
I'm going to have to fire people.
Anna's going to kill me.
Richard, I agree with you.
Oh? Yeah.
This place is too big.
We need a small company of good, solid actors, And a little fear.
There's not enough fear here.
Actors should be frightened for their lives.
That's when they do their best work.
Really? Mmm-hmm.
That's just like normal people.
Mmm-hmm.
Well Then All I have to say to you sir, Is I'm going to do my best to try and support you And to be better at my job.
Drink? No, you know what? Why don't we, uh, We'll share a bottle at the party.
Richard: I don't think anybody wants me there.
Geoffrey: Oh come on, they all love you.
Let's go.
All right.
Oh wait! Wait! There's good news! Henry breedlove is finally available.
What would he do exactly? Macbeth.
Where? Where?! Here! At the rose.
Oliver always wanted it.
It's not in the season! Well, we'll cut something.
You know, um Anthony and cleopatra.
No! No, no, geoffrey, come on! This is good news! Henry is a major draw.
Ca ching! Oliver always wanted him to play the part.
He talked about it all the time.
It would be a great tribute.
No! I am not doing macbeth! It is an extraordinarily difficult play To stage effectively.
No it's not.
I'm not talking to you.
No, no, come on! Geoffrey! This is good news! (shrieks) Oh god! I want to give you your end of season reward.
Sweetie, I told you I needed some time alone.
Can it wait? Well it doesn't want to wait.
Ellen: I'm sure it doesn't.
How did you get in here? I, uh, slipped the catch on the kitchen window.
I just wanted to surprise you.
Sweetie People my age don't like being surprised.
We can die of surprise.
Fine.
I'll uh I'll go.
I'm sorry.
It's a very emotional day.
It's the end of season.
It's difficult.
Sloan: You can't keep shutting me out, ellen.
What? You're all about your work, you know? Hey, I understand that.
I spend 20 hours a week in the weight room.
I know what it's like to be dedicated to what I do.
20 hours a week? But I don't let the fact that I win or lose a race Effect our relationship.
You know what I'm saying? You can compartmentalize.
What? It's different in the theatre.
Sloan: Okay, so maybe it is.
Maybe an actor can't separate his life and his work.
So So just let me in.
Let me into your world.
Oh, sweetie, you don't want to go there.
It's a horrible place.
Okay, fine.
Forget I said anything.
Sorry.
You're right, you're absolutely right.
God, I don't deserve you.
I'll tell you what, You can come to the party.
You can spend the night with a bunch of drunken actors And then you can see why I want to keep you away From my world.
That's cool.
Now can I give you your uh, your reward? Okay But it will have to be quick.
(nervous exhale) Oh my god! What the hell is that?! It was my kawasaki.
Ellen Will you marry me? Yes.
Cyril: Benedict has arrived! (big kiss) Hey.
Come on, love, let's have a nip.
Benedict? As in arnold.
It's a term of affection, dearie.
Have you seen geoffrey? I saw his hamlet.
It was greatly overrated.
Have you seen geoffrey? Ah, the ghost light.
Ah, for the ghosts.
You ever seen one? A ghost? No.
I see shadows, shapes.
They are shy, ghosts.
I'd like to see one, though.
So you've never seen.
Oliver? Nahum: Oliver welles? No.
Is something bothering you? They want me to do macbeth.
Damn it.
Why does that bother you? I do not like that play.
It teaches us nothing.
It teaches us about evil.
Nahum: No.
It shows us evil.
It's a portrait of a psychopath.
Where I come from in nigeria, It is a familiar sight.
I've had my fill of psychopaths.
(dance music plays) Let's do it.
What? I want to dance with my fiancee.
Remember I said not to say that word out loud.
Come on, just one dance.
I can't, sweetie, my feet hurt.
Come on! I've been in queen shoes all day.
Sorry.
Well I got to.
The beat's got my feet.
(dance music continues) Do you mind? No, no.
Women should stick together on closing nights.
After the apprentices have had a few They start hunting for strays like a pack of jackals.
Cheyenne: (shrieks with laughter) Who's that person with jack? Cheyenne: (laughs and giggles) Oh that's a friend of his who came in for the last show.
Do you hate her? Yes.
Can I ask you something? I don't know what to say, dear.
It's gonna hurt when he's gone.
He wants me to come with him.
Oh what? And hang around the craft table While they have sex in a spaceship? You'll be miserable.
Well, he thinks I could get work.
Playing some fat stand-up's goofy secretary And thinking all the while "I gave up juliet for this?" No, dear.
Hollywood is not the place for an actress of your calibre.
Thank you.
You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that.
Well It wasn't easy to say that.
He asked me to marry him.
When? Today, at his apartment.
Well, men ask women to marry them For all sorts of stupid reasons.
Don't let that cloud your judgement.
Cheyenne: No, I'm totally serious.
They take fat from your ass and put it in your cheeks.
Wow.
I mean, fuck off, doctor, you know? Hi.
Can I borrow him for a minute? Oh.
Geoffrey: What is she? She was miss nebraska.
Now she's uh A monster.
Ah.
Hey, uh, thank you for everything.
This has been the most incredible experience Of my life.
I wish I could stay.
Why don't you? I can't.
I'd be sued.
I owe the studio three pictures.
Oh.
Is that a good thing? We'll see.
I asked kate to marry me.
She won't give me an answer.
My limo gets here at 9:00.
Well, "this is the very ecstasy of love".
From one hamlet to another.
(clink) (dance tune changes) Sloan: Anna, come with me.
Come on.
Woo! Frank: (laughs) Cyril: He turned to him and he said, He said, "my boy A secret is something you never share.
Kindly keep your war wound to yourself.
(laughter) I want to apologize for everything I've done: For selling out the festival, And for sabotaging the hamlet.
My behaviour was inexcusable.
It was a sex thing.
I want to tell all of you that nothing like that Will ever happen again.
I swear to god.
Do you remember that time young peter Entered two scenes too early To announce that lady m had kicked the bucket And without missing a beat stephen armond said, "you might want to check with her doctor.
I think she's still hanging on.
" (laughter) Hanging on.
Geoffrey.
What have you got for me next season? Well, I don't know, brian.
You don't know? You're just going to make up the season as you go along, eh? Things are kind of up in the air right now.
I might not even be coming back.
Board came to its senses, did it? Well, no, it's my decision actually.
Well, geoffrey, I think a year or two off Will be good for you.
Get some perspective.
Learn your craft.
Where does this attitude come from exactly? You see that's your problem, right there.
Lack of respect.
You know, you left here in disgrace And then you came scurrying back With your tail between your legs.
You dragged oliver's memory through the dirt- Watch what you say, brian.
You directed one play.
This was oliver's season, not yours.
Remember that.
You stole it from him.
And since you're going let me tell you this, You're not worthy of this theatre.
You never were.
Rest perturbed spirit, Rest.
Well, that was lovely.
He's been here forever.
Oh haven't we all.
Oh jesus, geoffrey, life is horrible.
Amen.
I'm quitting.
What? I'm quitting my job.
Because of brian? No.
Although that little exchange doesn't help.
No, I'm just Oh I'm sick of this place.
Don't leave me here alone, geoffrey.
Oh don't worry, I don't think you'll be alone.
Sloan: (shouts) ellen! Christ.
Okay, this is it.
Uh, I gotta go.
The limo's waiting.
I gotta pack.
Okay, let's go.
No, I can't- jack, I can't go with you.
I can't.
I have dreamt of being here my entire life.
Okay- They've asked me to play juliet.
Do you know what that means to me? Do you You're asking me to give that up.
I'm asking you to marry me.
I'm asking you to marry me And I've never asked anyone to marry me before In real life.
Jack, please don't make this about Whether or not I want to marry you.
That's exactly what this is about.
No it's not.
Yes it is.
It-it If that's what this is about, then no.
No? No.
There, I said it.
Say the whole thing.
Say the whole thing.
Say Say it.
Say "no I don't want to marry you, jack.
" Shut up.
Say it! Stop! Stop torturing me.
I said no.
That's all I have to say.
Go get in the limo and go to hawaii.
(strangled) no Okay, I'm going to call you On my cell phone.
Sloan: Conga! You know, he's not a threat to you.
Who? The boy.
Love you! A threat to what exactly? Oh jesus, geoffrey, Why do you make me squirm like this? We have a relationship.
Don't we? Okay.
So he's not a threat to the thing we have.
Well, that's wonderful.
But your little dalliance with skippy over there Is not the reason that I'm leaving.
Oh jesus christ, what then? They're making me change the season.
They want me to drop anthony and cleopatra.
Oh shit.
Why? To do "cats"? No.
Macbeth.
God, really? So I would play lady m.
? Who would play mackers? Henry breedlove.
Geoffrey, that is thrilling! He's brilliant! And it is a better play than anthony and cleopatra.
No, no, no, no, no! Arguably it is not a better play.
It's actually quite flawed.
It is extraordinarily difficult to stage effectively.
It is blood, blood, blood and more blood, And I don't want to do it.
This was oliver's thing.
It would be a nice gesture in oliver's memory.
You know? Oh god, ellen.
You too? It would be good karma.
Karma.
You just want to play lady macbeth.
God, yes.
I don't believe this! Oliver welles is dead! I poured him in the river and swans ate him.
What do I have to do To get this man out of my life?! You think he's going to come back, don't you? What? No, that's not it.
That's what it is, isn't it? No, it is not.
I'll be there if he does.
Oh, thank you.
But, you know, frankly, All this talk about our special relationship And how you'll be there to protect me, Well it kind of rings just a little hollow Given the present circumstances.
Woman: (shrieks) (crash) Sloan: (drunken laugh) Hey, I'm all right.
Would you excuse me for a moment? Sure.
Sloan: Whoa! (guttural sob) (sobs) He lied.
(bangs on wall) (guttural sob) (sobs) Sloan: I'm so wasted.
Ellen: I know.
Sloan: Hey, what about my bike? Ellen: It'll be safe here.
Sloan: I can ride it.
Ellen: Oh no you can't, dear.
316 mackenzie place, basement apartment.
Entrance is at the side.
I want to dance.
And the key's in the milk box.
I want to dance with my wife! Shut up, dear.
I'm sorry, but You're going to think I'm horrible I can't take this.
If you were sober You could see the wisdom in this.
You're young; I'm old.
It's not natural.
What's happening? You have to find yourself a little raver baby thingy.
Sorry.
You're wonderful.
I'm horrible.
Fuck! Just go now, please, before one of us throws up.
Kate, does jack love you? Yes.
Do you love jack? Yes.
Then go.
Just go.
(incredulous laugh) you just- You just told me that I'd be miserable.
This is the life of an actress: You play the ingenues, you play the queens, You play the dreaded nurse and then you retire to pal.
And you sit there in the dining room Eating rice pudding, and hearing endless tales Of life on the wicked stage, And you realize that you never really lived at all.
You just pretended.
Is that what you want? I can't believe you're saying this to me.
I'm supposed to play juliet.
You can play it, or you can live it.
Your choice.
Oh my god.
Kate, you know me.
I'm petty and bitter.
There's a reason for that, okay? Don't make me spell it out! Just go.
"go girl.
Seek happy nights to happy days.
" See? I'm playing the nurse already.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Here she comes.
Richard: (singing) ô for my military knowledge ô à though I'm plucky and adventury ô à has only brought me down to the beginning of the century ô à but still in matters vegetable, ô à animal and mineral, ô à I am the very model of a modern major-general ô (ends on a big note and holds it) (single person claps) Cyril: You've got quite the voice.
Thanks.
I played schroeder in my high school production Of "you're a good man charlie brown".
Do you know that musical? Yes I do.
Well I won the drama award.
Cyril: I'm not surprised.
Geoffrey, Sloan proposed to me today.
I said yes.
Well.
Mazel tov.
I don't know what life I'm supposed to be living, But I'm guessing it's not as sloan's Older, crazy, actress wife.
So I ended it.
I gave him back his sweet little diamond chip And I sent him on his way.
It was very, very hard, So don't write it off with some sarcastic remark.
I did it for you, okay? Now You be brave and you suck it up And you stay here and you direct me In that fucking play! (deep sigh) Geoffrey! Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Ladies and gentlemen could you please gather Gather your senses for a moment.
I'd just like to say that these last few months Have been uh Well, an often enjoyable and always interesting journey Down into the depths of hell.
But I would urge you to brace yourselves For the future.
The festival is in the shitter, financially at least, And the road that lies ahead would make dante himself Hock his ticket.
Electra, pericles, troilus and cressida, Pirates of penzance, a murder in the cathedral, Romeo and juliet, A new canadian play, And most frighteningly Macbeth.
Richard: (claps by himself) Geoffrey: Yes, macbeth is a late addition to the season, A mandated tribute to the late oliver welles.
(applause and cheers) There will be struggle, There will be sacrifice, There will be tears, There will be the occasional fist fight, And in the end there will be Transformation.
It just breaks my heart that not all of you Can be part of it.
Thank you.
(smattering of applause) Happy? Take me home.
Sure.
(cyril plays the piano) Frank: (sings) ô all I have are memories ô à and memories make me blue ô à all my days are days gone by ô à what once made me smile ô à now makes me cry ô à a wishing well, a steeple bell, ô à a bicycle built for two ô (laughs) Frank: (singing) ô nothing more than memories ô à memories of you ô Geoffrey, wait.
What? I'm a lot older now.
Yeah, me too.
I just don't want you to be disappointed.
Oh ellen, god.
I don't know who you've been with.
Firm young actresses? No.
No.
What? Firm young actors? No.
I haven't been with anyone.
You're lying.
No, I'm telling you the truth.
For eight years? Ellen, listen, you have to remember, I was in an asylum.
And then when I got out, I just kind of never met the right girl.
God, geoffrey, I've been with a few- I know.
Dozens: Waiters, apprentices.
I know.
None of them meant anything to me.
What about your fiance? Stick to the topic.
Ellen I've never thought about anybody but you.
Geoffrey.
Don't make me cry.
I look way older when I cry.
Oh, shhh (passionate kissing) Cyril: (sings) ô a small cafe along the lake ô à a love that was pure and true ô à all I have are memories ô à memories of you ô (pats his back) Frank: (sighs) I'm knackered.
Yes.
Let's go home.
(train horn blows in distance)