Son of a Critch (2022) s02e01 Episode Script
Growing Apart
1
ADULT MARK: In the Summer of 1987,
I became a working man.
My brother had always
mowed the lawn at VOCM.
But now that he was leaving
the nest for university,
it fell to me to keep the
grass at an even two inches.
The only problem was,
I was deathly allergic.
And very, very weak.
[LAWNMOWER STARTS]
["WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE" BY
KATRINA AND THE WAVES PLAYS]
ADULT MARK: For the
first time in my life,
I wanted Summer to end.
I had played my cards
close to my wheezing chest.
Summer had separated me
from my school crush,
and the drama made me
feel like I was living
in one of the old movies that I loved.
FOX: I'm coming with
you to your weird house.
MARK: No.
You're getting on that
bus, where you belong.
You'll be alone all Summer, nerd!
You're saying this only to make me go.
I'm saying it because it's true.
If that bus leaves to
school and you're not on it,
- you'll regret it.
- FOX: No.
MARK: Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow, but soon,
and for the rest of your life.
[BUS STARTS]
FOX: But what about us?
We'll always have recess.
I guess.
See on the bus, dumbass.
MARK: No
No
No!
Nooo!
DICK: No, boy!
Nooo!
♪
MARK: Oh, no.
Oh, no!
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
MARK: Pop! Gross!
POP: A sink is a sink.
Your father is still on the toilet!
MARK: So? Wait your turn!
POP: Are you mad?
Do you know how many people I know
who have lost their teeth?
Gumming their food
with smiles like ducks.
You know, I'm the only one from my class
that can actually eat
an apple without glue.
I've got teeth like a zipper!
MARY: Here.
Put your teeth to use.
You're up early.
Nobody in this house has
ever wanted to go to school.
And you smell nice.
[SIGHS] Yeah, um
Two squirts of Mike's Drakar Noir.
- MARY: Oh!
- MARK: Too much?
Just enough.
POP: Smells like puberty to me.
- MARK: Pop!
- POP: Well, it's true.
I mean, you're becoming a man now!
Sudden interest in girls,
hair popping up everywhere,
a set of permanent teeth
MARY: Well, he still has one baby tooth,
so he's still my baby!
[KISSES]
MIKE SR.: Mary?
Can you help me with my tie?
One of my babies.
ADULT MARK: While I had
shamed my old man at work
MIKE JR.: I'm home!
ADULT MARK: My brother
filled him with pride.
By working at the radio station
to help pay for university,
he was rebelling by
slowly becoming my father.
Hi. Bye.
MIKE SR.: How was your day at work?
Oh, you mean "night"?
Yeah, I'm friggin' wiped, but
Finally getting the hang of the board.
So, you think maybe I could
come in for a day shift sometime?
Even hop on air? 'Cause
I think I could
You've got bigger
fish to fry than radio.
The first Critch to go to university.
MARY: Oh, that university
still hasn't cashed
that tuition cheque!
I wish they'd hurry up and get
the money out of the account.
I'm terrified to buy anything!
MIKE JR.: Ah, I wouldn't
worry too much about that.
All right, I'm heading to bed.
POP: Make sure you
brush your teeth first!
You remember Len Marshall, right?
It turns out he's got false teeth.
I mean, I never knew this, but
it came out in conversation.
No, and literally came
out, the dentures
Flew out onto the table!
Turns out they belong to his dead wife.
But he's such a cheapskate
that he wouldn't get a new set.
Her jaw was bigger than his.
She had a head like a melon.
- MIKE JR.: Night, Pop.
- POP: Morning.
MARK: Right, I'm off.
Don't want to miss my bus!
See ya!
Ah, gawd.
Puberty.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[MUSIC SLOWS]
ADULT MARK: No Fox.
But her brothers were there.
New year, same dork.
Where's Fox?
SILVER FOX: Aww, you hear that?
Little nerd wants to
know where our sister is.
MIDDLE FOX: Our
sister's too hot for you!
MARK: You think your own sister's hot?
SILVER FOX: Yeah what the hell, man?
MIDDLE FOX: What? No, gross!
SILVER FOX: Wait
You don't know!
ADULT MARK: For the first
time in their lives,
the Fox brothers knew something
that someone else didn't.
MARK: What?
What is it? Where is she?
MIDDLE FOX: He don't even
know she got a boyfriend,
and we're not gonna tell him!
What?
ADULT MARK: A boyfriend?
I'd been listening to a mixtape of lies.
Unless they were the ones lying to me.
- SILVER FOX: I wants the window!
- MIDDLE FOX: No, I wants it!
- [LOUD SMACK]
- MIDDLE FOX: Ah!
ADULT MARK: But chances
were, the Fox brothers
weren't smart enough for that.
MIDDLE FOX: Awww, b'y! My head!
♪
RITCHIE: Mark! Hey!
Grade eight! I'm stoked!
MARK: Hey.
RITCHIE: These are my new friends.
They live by me! Isn't that crazy?
ADULT MARK: New friends?
Had everyone forgotten about me?
RITCHIE: Check it out.
I can skateboard now!
Wanna try?
No, thank you.
I don't skate
Or ride a bike.
I'm not into transit.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
["ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE"
BY THE SCORPIONS PLAYS]
Here I am ♪
Rock you like a hurricane ♪
RITCHIE: That kid looks
too young to drive.
ADULT MARK: Millard McGinty!
A tenth-grader brazen enough
to drive on a learner's permit
without an adult present in the car!
RITCHIE: Wait
♪
Lust is in cages 'til
storm breaks loose ♪
Just have to make it
with someone I choose ♪
- RITCHIE: Are they dating?
- MARK: Shut up.
RITCHIE: I didn't do anything!
The wolf is hungry,
he runs the show ♪
SILVER FOX: Ha! Told ya.
[ENGINE REVS]
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
♪
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Yes, Michael F. Critch
Junior is the name.
Well, no, that can't be right.
Well, 'cause I registered him myself.
Cancelled?
Are you sure?
Well, thank you so much.
You've been very helpful.
That sneaky little shagger.
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Ow!
MIDDLE FOX: Stop staring
at my sister's desk, perv.
ADULT MARK: While his
sister had outgrown me,
her brother had devolved,
repeating the grade for the second time.
Just pick on someone your own size.
Oh, that's right.
Everyone your size is in high school.
Just 'cause I failed again
don't make you the same age as me.
Attention, students.
I have some
Unsettling news.
I know that many of you
expected that Sister Margaret
would be your teacher this year.
I am sorry to be the
one to tell you this,
but Sister Margaret is dead.
[STUDENTS GASPING]
MARK: But how?
SISTER ROSE: Metaphorically.
She was "killed" by your
new teacher, Ms. Fowler.
Come in!
Get it over with.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Hello, children.
Sister?
SISTER ROSE: I told you!
Sister Margaret is gone.
And in her place we have
Ms. Fowler.
Oh, yes, Mark?
What is happening?
Well, over the Summer
SISTER ROSE: Ms. Fowler
renounced her vows.
Vows of poverty, obedience, and
Chastity.
"For a spirit of harlotry
has led them astray.
And they have played the harlot,
departing from their vows." Hosea 4:12.
FOX: You dumped God?
Wicked!
SISTER ROSE: Yes, child.
It is most certainly wicked!
FOX: Wicked means good, Sister.
MARK: What's so "good" about this?
You can't just love God in June
and love somebody else in September!
MS. FOWLER: Well, I'm not in love
FOX: Shut up!
Maybe she just got lonely.
MARK: Well, maybe God at
least deserved a phone call!
I I mean, a prayer.
SISTER ROSE: See what you have done?
If it were up to me, I'd
cast you from the faculty
like Lucifer from Heaven!
MS. FOWLER: Uh, for the
record, I still love Jesus,
just not in
That way.
Take out your scribblers, children.
ADULT MARK: As Fox had
blossomed into womanhood,
Sister Margaret had
gone from nun to fun.
Even a nun hit puberty before I did.
MIKE JR.: Mom! What the hell?
MARY: Rise and shine,
professor pants-on-fire.
I called the school.
I I was gonna tell you.
I swear. I-I tried, but
Dad.
MARY: You're gonna break his heart.
MIKE JR.: I thought I
wanted to leave, and then
I started working at the station, and
I like it. Like, a lot.
MARY: You entitled little arsehole!
Why should you be the
only one in the family
who gets to do what he likes?
MIKE JR.: Mom! For the
first time in my life,
I feel like I'm good at something!
Please?
I've never felt this way
about anything before.
You think you could at
least give me a chance?
You're gonna have to be
the one to tell your father.
Because if you're gonna
be running around his back,
you're gonna have to do it to his face.
[DOOR SHUTS]
What ya doing?
POP: Len Marshall died.
MARK: The guy with his wife's teeth?
Yes, how did you know?
MARK: Well, you told me this morning.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
POP: Ah
He was my last living childhood friend.
That's it!
I'm an endangered species now.
If you liked him so
much, then why are you
cutting him out of all your pictures?
POP: Because I can't
stand to see dead eyes
staring at me from the walls.
When somebody dies, they're dead to me.
Full stop.
Do you want me to go
to the funeral with you?
- POP: No, I'm not going.
- MARK: Why not?
POP: Well, he's not
coming to mine, is he?
- MARK: Hm.
- POP: Funny.
Best friends never get to
go to each other's funeral.
ADULT MARK: Pop acted
like he was letting go,
but his friend's death had left a hole
bigger than even he could cut.
- MARK: Pop?
- POP: Mm-hm?
MARK: What's the worst part
of losing someone you love
Like?
There's a difference, you know,
between telling a story and sharing one.
Now, I could tell you about
the time that me and Len
stole apples from a
barrel when we were kids.
But if Len was here,
he'd probably argue, "nah,
they're weren't apples,
they were oranges," you know?
There's just
No one to reminisce with.
They're not memories.
They're just ghost stories now.
You could make new memories.
Change doesn't have to be the end.
Not all your friends are gone.
[CHUCKLES] You're right.
Onwards.
MARK: Onwards.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
MARK: [SIGHS]
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[SIGHS]
RITCHIE: Am I doing it?
Ah!
RITCHIE: How 'bout now?
ADULT MARK: At school, they
vaccinated us for polio
and measles, but if they
really wanted to protect us,
they would have vaccinated us for love.
FOX: Oh my God.
Really?
MILLARD: You are now fringed.
That means that you're mine now,
and I'm yours.
Take a picture, it lasts longer.
What?
FOX: Millard, don't.
Stop staring at her.
MARK: I-I wasn't. I'm not.
SILVER FOX: Aw!
He was her little boyfriend.
He's still in love.
[KISSY NOISES]
[BROTHERS LAUGH]
Is that true? Did you go out with him?
[TENSE MUSIC]
ADULT MARK: First love feels
like it can never end
Until it does.
No ?
[BROTHERS LAUGH]
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
♪
MILLARD: What's wrong?
FOX: Nothing. I'm late.
MILLARD: Wait, what? Are you
ADULT MARK: The only way
to know you really had love
is to lose it.
SILVER FOX: Ow! What was that for?
MIDDLE FOX: [LAUGHS]
Ow! B'y!
♪
DICK: Always cut on the angle.
That's it. Perfect!
Radio's in your blood, buddy.
- MIKE JR.: Can we turn it on?
- DICK: Yes, b'y.
DICK: That's it now. Yeah.
There you go.
Give'r.
[JINGLE MUSIC PLAYS ON TAPE]
You're a part of the wide world ♪
DICK [ON TAPE]:
It's the VOCM morning show!
Stay in bed a little longer,
me lovelies, with Dick Dunphy!
MIKE SR.: [SIGHS] Good God.
DICK: So, ya tell yer old man yet?
MIKE JR.: Nah. My mom
says I should, but
I don't think I have the heart for it.
DICK: He'll get over it.
What do you need
university for, anyway, man?
That's for eggheads, brother.
You belong in radio.
Oh thanks, Dick.
And hey, maybe I can be
as good as you someday.
[KNOCKING ON WINDOW]
MIKE SR.: You greasy
prick, God forgive me!
You got that boy ruined!
What the hell do you
know about univer
[SILENCE]
Gotta patch him through.
You remember how?
MIKE JR.: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh
Studio one.
Mic up. Fade on.
MIKE SR.: You bugger!
You ruined his life!
DICK: Jeez, b'y, Mike!
I never done nudding!
The boy is good.
Almost as good as me.
MIKE SR.: And your
mother knows about this?
I'm a newsman! How the hell
am I the last person on earth
to find out my son's a drop-out?
Dick, you are nothing but a no good
[BUTTON CLICKS] [SILENCE]
DICK: That there's the mute button.
You wants to know where that is.
MIKE JR.: Yeah.
[ROCK STING]
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
It's a nice day. Take
your lunch outside.
Get some fresh air.
I could use a smoke.
You only live once!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN HALLWAY]
FOX: Hey
So, what
Do you hate me now?
Yes.
No.
I dunno, I I just thought that
What?
Nothing.
FOX: I never even seen you all Summer.
And Summer was like another world.
And then
I just
I dunno.
You know?
No.
ADULT MARK: There was
nothing more to say.
Whatever it was, it was gone.
Like glass, a broken heart
might one day be fixed,
but you will always see the crack.
MARY: You promised
me you would tell him.
MIKE SR.: I never should
have let you work up there.
You can still go to university.
You can still be somebody.
MIKE JR.: I don't need to go to
university to be somebody, Dad.
MIKE SR.: Who are you
gonna be, Dick Dunphy?
MARY: Jesus, Mike!
Even Dick Dunphy doesn't
want to be Dick Dunphy.
MIKE JR.: Did you ever
think, even for a second, Dad,
that I want to be like you?
You always say that radio
is nothing to be proud of.
You know what?
I'm proud of you.
Even if you're not.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
♪
MARK: [SIGHS]
["AT THIS MOMENT" BY BILLY VERA PLAYS]
[SIGHS]
What did you think ♪
I would do at this moment ♪
When you're standing before me ♪
Well, looks like I'm not the
only one who's lost someone.
MARK: [SIGHS]
Why can't things just
stay the way they are?
POP: [SIGHS]
Have you ever heard the phrase,
"there's plenty more fish in the sea?"
Yeah, well, now, a fish
may love living in a pond,
but if he just swam
a little bit further,
he'd find that there's
a whole ocean out there.
Unless, of course, something eats him.
[CHUCKLES] Now, that reminds me
Do you know what's for supper?
I'm not hungry.
I've got a toothache.
POP: Really? Ooh, let me have a look!
- MARK: Uh
- POP: Let me see! Here, let me see.
Uh-oh! Oh, yeah.
Your last baby tooth is loose.
- All right, head back.
- MARK: Ah!
Go on, back! Hang on!
Ah! Got it!
Well looks like
somebody's growing up.
- [TOOTH CLINKS INTO GLASS]
- POP: Onwards.
MARK: [SIGHS]
Onwards.
POP: [CHUCKLES]
[BUTTON CLICKS AND "A
THIS MOMENT" CONTINUES]
When I'm faced with the knowledge ♪
That you just don't love me ♪
ADULT MARK: You never
know the value of a moment
until it becomes a memory.
Or say things to hurt you ♪
ADULT MARK: If only we knew
what ones we would yearn for
when we are older.
Then we could soak them in
before they were gone forever.
Maybe then we would
have fewer regrets.
Or raise my hands to you ♪
Now, come on, you
know me too well. ♪
♪
How could I hurt you ♪
FOX: It's over! Leave me alone.
MILLARD: Are you
kidding? Wait, wait, wait!
Is this 'cause of that little geek?
Frig off!
[QUIETLY] Oh he's dead.
[CAR STARTS]
What do you think ♪
I would give at this moment? ♪
If you'd stay, I'd subtract 20 years ♪
From my life. ♪
I'd fall down on my knees ♪
Kiss the ground that you walk on ♪
If I could just hold you again. ♪
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]
♪
I'd fall down on my knees ♪
♪
If I could just hold you ♪
ADULT MARK: In the Summer of 1987,
I became a working man.
My brother had always
mowed the lawn at VOCM.
But now that he was leaving
the nest for university,
it fell to me to keep the
grass at an even two inches.
The only problem was,
I was deathly allergic.
And very, very weak.
[LAWNMOWER STARTS]
["WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE" BY
KATRINA AND THE WAVES PLAYS]
ADULT MARK: For the
first time in my life,
I wanted Summer to end.
I had played my cards
close to my wheezing chest.
Summer had separated me
from my school crush,
and the drama made me
feel like I was living
in one of the old movies that I loved.
FOX: I'm coming with
you to your weird house.
MARK: No.
You're getting on that
bus, where you belong.
You'll be alone all Summer, nerd!
You're saying this only to make me go.
I'm saying it because it's true.
If that bus leaves to
school and you're not on it,
- you'll regret it.
- FOX: No.
MARK: Maybe not today,
maybe not tomorrow, but soon,
and for the rest of your life.
[BUS STARTS]
FOX: But what about us?
We'll always have recess.
I guess.
See on the bus, dumbass.
MARK: No
No
No!
Nooo!
DICK: No, boy!
Nooo!
♪
MARK: Oh, no.
Oh, no!
[KETTLE WHISTLING]
MARK: Pop! Gross!
POP: A sink is a sink.
Your father is still on the toilet!
MARK: So? Wait your turn!
POP: Are you mad?
Do you know how many people I know
who have lost their teeth?
Gumming their food
with smiles like ducks.
You know, I'm the only one from my class
that can actually eat
an apple without glue.
I've got teeth like a zipper!
MARY: Here.
Put your teeth to use.
You're up early.
Nobody in this house has
ever wanted to go to school.
And you smell nice.
[SIGHS] Yeah, um
Two squirts of Mike's Drakar Noir.
- MARY: Oh!
- MARK: Too much?
Just enough.
POP: Smells like puberty to me.
- MARK: Pop!
- POP: Well, it's true.
I mean, you're becoming a man now!
Sudden interest in girls,
hair popping up everywhere,
a set of permanent teeth
MARY: Well, he still has one baby tooth,
so he's still my baby!
[KISSES]
MIKE SR.: Mary?
Can you help me with my tie?
One of my babies.
ADULT MARK: While I had
shamed my old man at work
MIKE JR.: I'm home!
ADULT MARK: My brother
filled him with pride.
By working at the radio station
to help pay for university,
he was rebelling by
slowly becoming my father.
Hi. Bye.
MIKE SR.: How was your day at work?
Oh, you mean "night"?
Yeah, I'm friggin' wiped, but
Finally getting the hang of the board.
So, you think maybe I could
come in for a day shift sometime?
Even hop on air? 'Cause
I think I could
You've got bigger
fish to fry than radio.
The first Critch to go to university.
MARY: Oh, that university
still hasn't cashed
that tuition cheque!
I wish they'd hurry up and get
the money out of the account.
I'm terrified to buy anything!
MIKE JR.: Ah, I wouldn't
worry too much about that.
All right, I'm heading to bed.
POP: Make sure you
brush your teeth first!
You remember Len Marshall, right?
It turns out he's got false teeth.
I mean, I never knew this, but
it came out in conversation.
No, and literally came
out, the dentures
Flew out onto the table!
Turns out they belong to his dead wife.
But he's such a cheapskate
that he wouldn't get a new set.
Her jaw was bigger than his.
She had a head like a melon.
- MIKE JR.: Night, Pop.
- POP: Morning.
MARK: Right, I'm off.
Don't want to miss my bus!
See ya!
Ah, gawd.
Puberty.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[MUSIC SLOWS]
ADULT MARK: No Fox.
But her brothers were there.
New year, same dork.
Where's Fox?
SILVER FOX: Aww, you hear that?
Little nerd wants to
know where our sister is.
MIDDLE FOX: Our
sister's too hot for you!
MARK: You think your own sister's hot?
SILVER FOX: Yeah what the hell, man?
MIDDLE FOX: What? No, gross!
SILVER FOX: Wait
You don't know!
ADULT MARK: For the first
time in their lives,
the Fox brothers knew something
that someone else didn't.
MARK: What?
What is it? Where is she?
MIDDLE FOX: He don't even
know she got a boyfriend,
and we're not gonna tell him!
What?
ADULT MARK: A boyfriend?
I'd been listening to a mixtape of lies.
Unless they were the ones lying to me.
- SILVER FOX: I wants the window!
- MIDDLE FOX: No, I wants it!
- [LOUD SMACK]
- MIDDLE FOX: Ah!
ADULT MARK: But chances
were, the Fox brothers
weren't smart enough for that.
MIDDLE FOX: Awww, b'y! My head!
♪
RITCHIE: Mark! Hey!
Grade eight! I'm stoked!
MARK: Hey.
RITCHIE: These are my new friends.
They live by me! Isn't that crazy?
ADULT MARK: New friends?
Had everyone forgotten about me?
RITCHIE: Check it out.
I can skateboard now!
Wanna try?
No, thank you.
I don't skate
Or ride a bike.
I'm not into transit.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
["ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE"
BY THE SCORPIONS PLAYS]
Here I am ♪
Rock you like a hurricane ♪
RITCHIE: That kid looks
too young to drive.
ADULT MARK: Millard McGinty!
A tenth-grader brazen enough
to drive on a learner's permit
without an adult present in the car!
RITCHIE: Wait
♪
Lust is in cages 'til
storm breaks loose ♪
Just have to make it
with someone I choose ♪
- RITCHIE: Are they dating?
- MARK: Shut up.
RITCHIE: I didn't do anything!
The wolf is hungry,
he runs the show ♪
SILVER FOX: Ha! Told ya.
[ENGINE REVS]
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
♪
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Yes, Michael F. Critch
Junior is the name.
Well, no, that can't be right.
Well, 'cause I registered him myself.
Cancelled?
Are you sure?
Well, thank you so much.
You've been very helpful.
That sneaky little shagger.
♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Ow!
MIDDLE FOX: Stop staring
at my sister's desk, perv.
ADULT MARK: While his
sister had outgrown me,
her brother had devolved,
repeating the grade for the second time.
Just pick on someone your own size.
Oh, that's right.
Everyone your size is in high school.
Just 'cause I failed again
don't make you the same age as me.
Attention, students.
I have some
Unsettling news.
I know that many of you
expected that Sister Margaret
would be your teacher this year.
I am sorry to be the
one to tell you this,
but Sister Margaret is dead.
[STUDENTS GASPING]
MARK: But how?
SISTER ROSE: Metaphorically.
She was "killed" by your
new teacher, Ms. Fowler.
Come in!
Get it over with.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Hello, children.
Sister?
SISTER ROSE: I told you!
Sister Margaret is gone.
And in her place we have
Ms. Fowler.
Oh, yes, Mark?
What is happening?
Well, over the Summer
SISTER ROSE: Ms. Fowler
renounced her vows.
Vows of poverty, obedience, and
Chastity.
"For a spirit of harlotry
has led them astray.
And they have played the harlot,
departing from their vows." Hosea 4:12.
FOX: You dumped God?
Wicked!
SISTER ROSE: Yes, child.
It is most certainly wicked!
FOX: Wicked means good, Sister.
MARK: What's so "good" about this?
You can't just love God in June
and love somebody else in September!
MS. FOWLER: Well, I'm not in love
FOX: Shut up!
Maybe she just got lonely.
MARK: Well, maybe God at
least deserved a phone call!
I I mean, a prayer.
SISTER ROSE: See what you have done?
If it were up to me, I'd
cast you from the faculty
like Lucifer from Heaven!
MS. FOWLER: Uh, for the
record, I still love Jesus,
just not in
That way.
Take out your scribblers, children.
ADULT MARK: As Fox had
blossomed into womanhood,
Sister Margaret had
gone from nun to fun.
Even a nun hit puberty before I did.
MIKE JR.: Mom! What the hell?
MARY: Rise and shine,
professor pants-on-fire.
I called the school.
I I was gonna tell you.
I swear. I-I tried, but
Dad.
MARY: You're gonna break his heart.
MIKE JR.: I thought I
wanted to leave, and then
I started working at the station, and
I like it. Like, a lot.
MARY: You entitled little arsehole!
Why should you be the
only one in the family
who gets to do what he likes?
MIKE JR.: Mom! For the
first time in my life,
I feel like I'm good at something!
Please?
I've never felt this way
about anything before.
You think you could at
least give me a chance?
You're gonna have to be
the one to tell your father.
Because if you're gonna
be running around his back,
you're gonna have to do it to his face.
[DOOR SHUTS]
What ya doing?
POP: Len Marshall died.
MARK: The guy with his wife's teeth?
Yes, how did you know?
MARK: Well, you told me this morning.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
POP: Ah
He was my last living childhood friend.
That's it!
I'm an endangered species now.
If you liked him so
much, then why are you
cutting him out of all your pictures?
POP: Because I can't
stand to see dead eyes
staring at me from the walls.
When somebody dies, they're dead to me.
Full stop.
Do you want me to go
to the funeral with you?
- POP: No, I'm not going.
- MARK: Why not?
POP: Well, he's not
coming to mine, is he?
- MARK: Hm.
- POP: Funny.
Best friends never get to
go to each other's funeral.
ADULT MARK: Pop acted
like he was letting go,
but his friend's death had left a hole
bigger than even he could cut.
- MARK: Pop?
- POP: Mm-hm?
MARK: What's the worst part
of losing someone you love
Like?
There's a difference, you know,
between telling a story and sharing one.
Now, I could tell you about
the time that me and Len
stole apples from a
barrel when we were kids.
But if Len was here,
he'd probably argue, "nah,
they're weren't apples,
they were oranges," you know?
There's just
No one to reminisce with.
They're not memories.
They're just ghost stories now.
You could make new memories.
Change doesn't have to be the end.
Not all your friends are gone.
[CHUCKLES] You're right.
Onwards.
MARK: Onwards.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
MARK: [SIGHS]
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[SIGHS]
RITCHIE: Am I doing it?
Ah!
RITCHIE: How 'bout now?
ADULT MARK: At school, they
vaccinated us for polio
and measles, but if they
really wanted to protect us,
they would have vaccinated us for love.
FOX: Oh my God.
Really?
MILLARD: You are now fringed.
That means that you're mine now,
and I'm yours.
Take a picture, it lasts longer.
What?
FOX: Millard, don't.
Stop staring at her.
MARK: I-I wasn't. I'm not.
SILVER FOX: Aw!
He was her little boyfriend.
He's still in love.
[KISSY NOISES]
[BROTHERS LAUGH]
Is that true? Did you go out with him?
[TENSE MUSIC]
ADULT MARK: First love feels
like it can never end
Until it does.
No ?
[BROTHERS LAUGH]
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
♪
MILLARD: What's wrong?
FOX: Nothing. I'm late.
MILLARD: Wait, what? Are you
ADULT MARK: The only way
to know you really had love
is to lose it.
SILVER FOX: Ow! What was that for?
MIDDLE FOX: [LAUGHS]
Ow! B'y!
♪
DICK: Always cut on the angle.
That's it. Perfect!
Radio's in your blood, buddy.
- MIKE JR.: Can we turn it on?
- DICK: Yes, b'y.
DICK: That's it now. Yeah.
There you go.
Give'r.
[JINGLE MUSIC PLAYS ON TAPE]
You're a part of the wide world ♪
DICK [ON TAPE]:
It's the VOCM morning show!
Stay in bed a little longer,
me lovelies, with Dick Dunphy!
MIKE SR.: [SIGHS] Good God.
DICK: So, ya tell yer old man yet?
MIKE JR.: Nah. My mom
says I should, but
I don't think I have the heart for it.
DICK: He'll get over it.
What do you need
university for, anyway, man?
That's for eggheads, brother.
You belong in radio.
Oh thanks, Dick.
And hey, maybe I can be
as good as you someday.
[KNOCKING ON WINDOW]
MIKE SR.: You greasy
prick, God forgive me!
You got that boy ruined!
What the hell do you
know about univer
[SILENCE]
Gotta patch him through.
You remember how?
MIKE JR.: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh
Studio one.
Mic up. Fade on.
MIKE SR.: You bugger!
You ruined his life!
DICK: Jeez, b'y, Mike!
I never done nudding!
The boy is good.
Almost as good as me.
MIKE SR.: And your
mother knows about this?
I'm a newsman! How the hell
am I the last person on earth
to find out my son's a drop-out?
Dick, you are nothing but a no good
[BUTTON CLICKS] [SILENCE]
DICK: That there's the mute button.
You wants to know where that is.
MIKE JR.: Yeah.
[ROCK STING]
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
It's a nice day. Take
your lunch outside.
Get some fresh air.
I could use a smoke.
You only live once!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN HALLWAY]
FOX: Hey
So, what
Do you hate me now?
Yes.
No.
I dunno, I I just thought that
What?
Nothing.
FOX: I never even seen you all Summer.
And Summer was like another world.
And then
I just
I dunno.
You know?
No.
ADULT MARK: There was
nothing more to say.
Whatever it was, it was gone.
Like glass, a broken heart
might one day be fixed,
but you will always see the crack.
MARY: You promised
me you would tell him.
MIKE SR.: I never should
have let you work up there.
You can still go to university.
You can still be somebody.
MIKE JR.: I don't need to go to
university to be somebody, Dad.
MIKE SR.: Who are you
gonna be, Dick Dunphy?
MARY: Jesus, Mike!
Even Dick Dunphy doesn't
want to be Dick Dunphy.
MIKE JR.: Did you ever
think, even for a second, Dad,
that I want to be like you?
You always say that radio
is nothing to be proud of.
You know what?
I'm proud of you.
Even if you're not.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
♪
MARK: [SIGHS]
["AT THIS MOMENT" BY BILLY VERA PLAYS]
[SIGHS]
What did you think ♪
I would do at this moment ♪
When you're standing before me ♪
Well, looks like I'm not the
only one who's lost someone.
MARK: [SIGHS]
Why can't things just
stay the way they are?
POP: [SIGHS]
Have you ever heard the phrase,
"there's plenty more fish in the sea?"
Yeah, well, now, a fish
may love living in a pond,
but if he just swam
a little bit further,
he'd find that there's
a whole ocean out there.
Unless, of course, something eats him.
[CHUCKLES] Now, that reminds me
Do you know what's for supper?
I'm not hungry.
I've got a toothache.
POP: Really? Ooh, let me have a look!
- MARK: Uh
- POP: Let me see! Here, let me see.
Uh-oh! Oh, yeah.
Your last baby tooth is loose.
- All right, head back.
- MARK: Ah!
Go on, back! Hang on!
Ah! Got it!
Well looks like
somebody's growing up.
- [TOOTH CLINKS INTO GLASS]
- POP: Onwards.
MARK: [SIGHS]
Onwards.
POP: [CHUCKLES]
[BUTTON CLICKS AND "A
THIS MOMENT" CONTINUES]
When I'm faced with the knowledge ♪
That you just don't love me ♪
ADULT MARK: You never
know the value of a moment
until it becomes a memory.
Or say things to hurt you ♪
ADULT MARK: If only we knew
what ones we would yearn for
when we are older.
Then we could soak them in
before they were gone forever.
Maybe then we would
have fewer regrets.
Or raise my hands to you ♪
Now, come on, you
know me too well. ♪
♪
How could I hurt you ♪
FOX: It's over! Leave me alone.
MILLARD: Are you
kidding? Wait, wait, wait!
Is this 'cause of that little geek?
Frig off!
[QUIETLY] Oh he's dead.
[CAR STARTS]
What do you think ♪
I would give at this moment? ♪
If you'd stay, I'd subtract 20 years ♪
From my life. ♪
I'd fall down on my knees ♪
Kiss the ground that you walk on ♪
If I could just hold you again. ♪
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]
♪
I'd fall down on my knees ♪
♪
If I could just hold you ♪