Sports Night (1998) s02e01 Episode Script
Special Powers
# I might be old|but I'm someone new # # She said # # I'm so sore|that I could cry # # Always # # In the night # # Lay your tired arms # # And she will have her way # # Somehow I will still # # Believe her # # She's the life|I've been frightened of # # Seems like # # Deathly silence # # And especially the dark # # Feels like # # I am heavy|and my spirit has died # but if the feed|on the Bruins comes in -- -- # She will have her way #|-- Listen, I was|just thinking, uh -- I-I'm sorry to interrupt.
-- # Somehow I will still #|-- I was just wondering|if you w-- # Believe her # -- What?|-- Um Uhnothing.
# She will have her way # # One day I will come back # # Un-doo un-doo doo # # Un-doo un-doo doo # # Un-doo un-doo doo # # Un-doo un-doo doo # # Ah-ah ah-ahhhh # -- It's been 90 days.
|-- I know.
-- 90 days.
|-- Listen There's a statute|of limitations.
So you've said.
And it's 90 days.
I'd rather not|talk about it.
It's just the time is right, and I don't want you|to be scared.
I appreciate that,|but I'm not scared.
You've been telling me for|3 months that you are scared.
WellI am scared.
Right,|and I don't want you to be.
Yeah, that's great, but fear doesn't really|work like that.
Good evening.
|I'm shuffling the 10 block.
Where's the network feed? It's lumber sports.
Got it.
|I'm shuffling the 10 block.
Dan, Casey --|DeNardio's confirmed, so let's lead with it.
-- We're gonna lead with|DeNardio?|-- Yeah.
-- Come on, we gotta lead|with the Jets.
|-- Why? 'Cause it's a better story.
That's a really good point,|Casey, and thanks for the tap|on the shoulder.
Now, lead with DeNardio, and fix your tie.
I've got a new top story.
I moved up DeNardio.
This trumps DeNardio.
Talk to me.
Cho Chang, a Chinese swimmer, is swimming|the Taiwan Strait -- from Pescadores,|or Pong Hu, to Tun Ting Dao.
And there's some question|as to whether the mainland Chinese government|is gonna let her come ashore.
Some quick facts -- the island is separated|from South China by the 161-kilometer-wide|strait, and together with|Matsu and Quemoy forms the seat of the government|of the Republic of China, which, of course, claims|the right to rule all China.
The capital is Taipei.
I could feed it|to Dan and Casey.
Not this second.
Nieuwendyk is pitching in|the fourth with 1 1 strikeouts.
Tell Dana|we can move it upfront.
Tell her it's K-J-A-T.
We can get a live feed|in the seventh.
Dave: 30 seconds to VTR.
-- Where's Dana?|-- Stand by, animation.
-- She's in the sound --|-- Not you.
-- She's back in|the sound room.
|Dana: Right here.
Nieuwendyk has 1 1 strikeouts|in the fourth.
A ground ball|back to the mound is|the only thing in play.
Let's move DeNardio|back to the 20.
We're leading with DeNardio.
Nieuwendyk is on pace to|break the record.
-- When he breaks the record,|we'll break the news.
|-- Dana Dana, the woman's halfway|to Tun Ting Dao.
Please stop saying that.
-- Roll VTR.
|-- 60 seconds live.
Casey Dana, we can get|the feed from K-J-A-T.
We want to be in on this.
-- We'll be in on it later.
|-- Let's lead with it.
-- Natalie|-- Listen, Chun King, if you want to say|something to me, you say it to somebody else.
-- Dan.
|-- Got it.
We're changing the lead|to Nieuwendyk.
We're not changing the lead.
We're keeping it the Jets? We're keeping it DeNardio.
There's a chance|it's gonna be a Chinese swimmer|named Cho Chang.
There's no chance it's|gonna be a Chinese swimmer|named Cho Chang.
It's not gonna be Nieuwendyk.
It used to be the Jets,|but now it's DeNardio, and I wish you'd script it.
Dave: 30 seconds live.
We got this, right? Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Blah-Blah-Blah|alongside Blah-Blah-Blah.
|Those stories, plus Tony DeNardio has|a new job, and he won't|be wearing crimson.
-- How 'bout that?|-- That's good! You guys are all set.
-- Thank you, Alyson.
|-- We're wingin' the tease|tonight, Alyson.
Good luck.
Flyin' without a script|for 18 seconds.
-- Living on the edge.
|-- Living over the edge.
Dave: In 10.
Do you guys know|what you're doing? -- Yes.
|-- Yes.
In 32 -- Good evening.
|From New York City,|-- Good evening.
|From New York City, -- I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
|-- I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
-- Those stories, plus --|-- Those stories, plus -- You go.
Those stories, plus Tony DeNardio has|a new job and won't|be wearing crimson.
Team Penske is driving|on tires that won't|be wearing down, and the Eagles have|a placekicker who won't be|wearing out his welcome.
All that coming up|after this.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
Is it over yet? -- All right, that was|totally his fault!|-- All right, that was|totally his fault! [ Groans .]
Stand by, 5.
DeNardio's career highlights|include 1 1 bowl appearances, and a career regular-season|winning percentage of.
632.
For more,|here's Kelly Kirkpatrick|in College Park.
-- Go, 5.
|-- Stand by, one.
Yeah, lsaac, I'm really|sorry about that opening.
I pushed DeNardio|up to the 10s and teased it|at the last minute.
You can punish me|appropriately.
Who's this? They changed|the interoffice system.
The control room.
|Who's this? Dana, they changed|the interoffice system.
All right, well Sorry anyway.
Jeremy, did they change|the interoffice system? -- They switched over --|-- Was she talking to you? I'm pretty sure she was, yes.
I'll be right back.
|Natalie's got the wheel.
-- Dave?|-- 90 seconds back.
You absolutely have to take|this risk.
Risks aren't really|my strong suit, Danny.
Tell me about it, Casey.
I can't, you know, become|this thing that I'm not.
You are this thing|that you're not.
No, I'm not.
She thinks you are.
|I think you are.
She thinks I am? Isaac Nieuwendyk's got|14 strikeouts.
Yeah.
|I'm sorry about the tease.
Why? We screwed up|the show opening.
When? Just now.
|Didn't you see it? -- No.
|-- Why not? We're not on the air yet.
W-What are you talking about? We're on at 1 1 :10 tonight.
Since when? We pushed 10 minutes|for lumber sports.
Why didn't anyone tell me? Is it possible|I forgot to tell you about being pushed to 1 1 :10|for lumber sports? Yes, lsaac,|it is entirely possible that you forgot to tell me.
-- Well, you had|the network feed --|-- We didn't have|the network feed.
We turned off|the network feed.
-- Why?|-- Will's afraid|of lumber sports.
What the hell -- He's afraid of the axes|and the saws.
He thinks|they're gonna cut themselves.
-- I don't understand --|-- He just is, okay? How could you forget|to tell me? Sorry.
Sorry? Yeah.
Yeah.
Sohow you doin'? Who cares how I'm doing? Isaac, I've gotta go start|the show again.
This is the craziest thing I've|ever experienced in my life.
Well, then,|you gotta live more, Dana, 'cause there's some|crazy-ass stuff out there.
I have to go now.
|1 1 :10? Yes.
You didn't turn off the clocks|in there, did you? Will's not afraid of clocks.
You look good today, and your speech|is getting better.
Go.
Casey, you know -- I know.
What's the worst|that could happen, hmm? [ Sighs .]
She could say no,|she could laugh, and then I'd feel sad|and ashamed for a long time, and I already did that|for 1 1 years.
Dave: In 32 Welcome back.
-- Hello.
|-- Dana, we've got -- Hang on.
|This is gonna be fun.
5-year contract with|a major broadcast network.
The name of which|we'd reveal, but -- Hello.
|My name is Dana Whitaker.
I'm the executive producer|of "Sports Night," and I'm interrupting|this broadcast to tell you that Casey took gymnastics|after school for 7 years.
How is he looking|to you now, girls? Dana -- We're not on the air,|you idiots.
What happened? We're going up|10 minutes late.
Why didn't we get word? We did get word.
-- Are you kidding me?|-- Don't worry about it.
-- Are you telling me lsaac --|-- Don't worry about it.
Natalie, back up the field|10 minutes.
-- Dave|-- 1 1 :10? That's right.
|Put us back at ready-1.
Can I see you two a second? That's 2:20 to VTR, everybody.
Let's do it again.
It's like he didn't even care.
-- lsaac?|-- Yeah.
He forgot to tell me? I think it would be great if we'd all stop worrying|about lsaac.
I think it would be great if he stopped giving us|cause to worry.
Just keep an eye out, okay? Yeah.
[ Door closes .]
[ Chuckles nervously .]
Oh.
Oh.
Sorry.
[ lndistinct voices .]
Right there --|you know what that was? What? Another missed opportunity.
You miss enough of them,|and the ballgame's over.
Well, let's see if we can do|the show right this time.
Dan: Don't go anywhere, folks.
|There's more to come.
We've got Columbus,|Colorado, D.
C.
, and L.
A.
-- You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
We're out.
Dana, what are we doing|about Nieuwendyk? He's got 18 after 7.
|If he goes to 19,|we'll break in.
Finally.
Elliott, set the feed.
Do you have a second? No, I don't have a second.
Actually, you have 90 seconds.
I'm using this time|for myself.
-- Natalie|-- Outside.
[ Telephone ringing .]
-- Okay.
|-- Well? -- First of all --|-- Yes.
Thank you for seeing me.
-- What do you want?|-- I want to say while acknowledging that|not everyone shares each|other's view of the world, and while most situations|between 2 or more people|involve various shades of gray -- as opposed to|black and white --|-- What are you trying|to say? I'm trying to say that|I'm right and you're wrong.
And what's more, you know|I'm right and you're wrong.
No, you mean you're right|and I'm cute.
Natalie, they wanted you|to be a damn weathergirl.
They wanted me for local sports|and human interest.
You turned down the job.
-- Why are we still fighting?|-- You know why! -- No, I really don't!|-- "They want you|because you're cute"? They wanted you|because they're idiots.
-- Thank you.
|-- You know what I mean.
-- I do know what you mean!|-- You weren't gonna|get to do any writing.
You weren't gonna get|to do any reporting.
They were gonna hand you|wire copy and dress you -- I understand that, Jeremy.
I've been doing this|a few years.
I'm talking about you being|upset I got the offer at all.
-- I don't know why you think|I was upset!|-- You were acting like -- -- You're wrong.
|-- I'm not.
And even if you're right,|I don't know what's so wrong|about being bummed because you might move|to Galveston, Texas.
Nothing.
Except that's not what|you were bummed about.
[ Telephones ringing .]
Dave: In 32 Welcome back.
|Here's what's going on.
Timothy Nieuwendyk just|struck out his 19th batter -- one short of tying|and two short of breaking the all-time|major league record.
We're gonna take you out|to San Francisco, we're gonna|take you there live, and you're gonna stay|for as long as it takes.
I know we promised you|soccer highlights, so let me just tell you that|Columbus beat Miami 1-0, Dallas beat San Jose 1-0, Chicago beat Colorado 1-0, and New England|beat Kansas City 2-1 in an offensive slugfest.
A modest proposal --|make the nets bigger.
John Savitch and Tom Vance|in San Francisco.
Dave: We're out.
Dana: Don't anybody go|too far.
-- Make the nets bigger?|-- You got a better idea? -- Yes.
|-- What? How about|a smaller net and no goalie? -- I like it.
|-- Yeah, like basketball.
Listen to me --|you gotta -- Do you get that there are|certain ways in which I am not like you? Yes.
You walk up to women.
|You're that guy.
You have a smoothness.
|It works for you.
Those are the ways|in which I'm not like you.
I just thought|you meant 'cause you|were allergic to bees.
Announcer:91.
What Johnson should be|more concerned about is that Nieuwendyk is having|trouble spotting his fastball.
[ Door opens,|Knock on door .]
-- Hey.
|-- Hey.
What's up? [ Clicks TV off .]
Make the nets bigger? Either that or a lot smaller|and get rid of the goalies.
[ Laughs .]
Dan, this network|has a 3-year deal with major league soccer.
I know.
That's why|I'm trying to help out.
Two billion soccer fans|will be happy to hear that.
So, what happened? -- When?|-- Before.
What do you mean? You forgot? -- That?|-- Yeah.
I forgot.
Isaac, you can't work|full time.
-- I have to.
|-- Why? Because they pay me to.
You had a stroke.
-- Is that what that was?|-- Yes.
I thought it was|bad swordfish.
-- lsaac, I'm not|kidding around here.
|-- Leave me alone, Danny.
Where are you going? To get myself a drink.
Are you allowed to drink? Danny, I'm 63 years old! I've got a driver's license|and everything.
-- I meant in your condition.
|-- I know what you meant.
-- Is this about the network?|-- Is what about the network? You're trying to do more|than you can do.
I want to know if this is|about Luther and J.
J.
and feeling heat from CSC.
-- Danny|-- They see you're weak,|and they're coming|after the show.
-- Is that what's happening?|-- Listen Is that why you're|working when you|shouldn't be working? Give me names, lsaac.
After your funeral|and memorial service,|I want to know who I go see.
-- I'm not weak.
|-- You forgot we were|going up 10 minutes late? Yes, I did.
Admit that it's harder now.
I have no trouble|admitting that.
Ask people|to do things for you.
-- Like what?|-- Like getting you a drink.
Why? Because you've been walking|over to that bar for, like,|a half an hour now.
[ Laughs .]
-- I'm getting stronger.
|-- Yeah.
The recovery period -- The recovery period's|12 months.
Yes.
Then why are you back at work|after 5 months? Because I am.
You know what, Danny? On your best day,|you make about 10 mistakes, and if you don't believe me, Iet's take a look at the|file tape on tonight's teaser.
That was my fault.
I'll say.
I made a mistake just like|the ones I used to make.
And there was a time when you and Casey would|come in here and beat the hell out of me till tears were coming out|of my eyes, I was laughing so hard.
I'm not your damn|grandfather.
Don't treat me that way.
When I screw up, I don't want you|coming in here for the talk.
I want to hear some chatter|out there.
Okay.
Good.
[ Clicks TV on .]
|Announcer: Now I think|we're gonna start to see some activity in the bullpen.
Yes, they're warming up|Martinez.
This doesn't look good.
Were you talking to me? There's no one else|in the room.
That's right.
Announcer:|Johnson makes a move.
Okay.
[ Clicks off .]
Do you think I was upset that you got offered the job|and I didn't? Yes.
I saw an ugly side of you|come out.
-- You think you saw --|-- I know what I saw.
And I'm telling you if|the tables had been turned, I would have thrown you|a party.
Listen -- We both want to be|on camera, and this isn't the last time|this is gonna happen, so what do we do? How 'bout we listen to what|the other person is saying instead of trying|to interpret? -- Oh, please.
|-- Natalie Men harbor this illusion that they can cover up|their, you know, with this other thing,|but women always know.
No, they don't.
You know why not? Because women don't have|special powers.
Let's dispense with|that theory right now.
Women don't have|a sixth sense, women don't have intuition,|they don't have special powers.
You were being offered a job|in Galveston.
That meant I was gonna have to,|like, go there.
I was gonna have to go|and live there and get a job in Galveston.
And I wasn't gonna get offered|a job in broadcasting.
It was gonna be|ranch work for me, okay? Or big-game fishing.
Either way, my life has taken|an abrupt and bizarre turn, because one minute, I'm paying my bills with money|I'm earning at my dream job, while dating the most beautiful|woman on the planet, and the next minute,|I'm on a cattle drive and I'm dating the weathergirl|from "Good Morning, Galveston.
" And I'd have done it.
|I'd have moved to Galveston with the heat and the cattle|and the malaria.
I'd have done it, because|that's how much I love you, and that's how much|I want what you want.
But you can't expect me|to be wild about the idea.
What? You are so cute.
-- Natalie|-- You are just so cute.
Listen We need to be serious|for just a second.
I'm totally serious.
Listen What? -- Nothing.
|-- What? The thing is|[ Sighs .]
-- your instinct wasn't|entirely wrong.
|-- I know.
I didn't behave like a man.
You're apologizing like one.
Yeah? You're so cute|it freaks me out.
All right, well,|let's just say -- -- Let's just say what?|-- Nothing.
No, it's okay.
|You want to make a little|proclamation.
I can tell.
I don't want to make|a proclamation.
Sure, you do.
Go ahead.
-- Well, no, it's just --|-- Come on.
I deem that the fight|is officially over.
Excellent.
I deem I'm coming|to bed tonight in|your tuxedo shirt, high heels, and nothing else.
-- Excellent.
|-- Guys.
Don't tell me women don't|have special powers.
What's up, Elliott? -- Are you watching the game?|-- Oh, man! No.
Nieuwendyk isn't looking|so good.
Give me audio.
-- Hey.
|-- Oh, hey.
Whatcha doin'? [ Chuckles .]
I'm hanging out|in your office.
I can see.
I do that sometimes|during the show,|during breaks.
I like it in here.
I like the skyline -- better than the one|in my office.
-- Really?|-- No.
I just made all that up.
I was in here because|I thought you might be in here.
Oh, yeah.
|And I am.
Mm-hmm.
So I was right.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Sighing .]
|That is a beautiful skyline.
It's a beautiful city.
You know This is gonna sound, uh --|you're gonna laugh at this.
[ Chuckles .]
|Try me.
Danny's been talking to me|all week about the statute|of limitations.
Have you committed a crime? No, no.
I --|Well, I mean, back when I was pledging|my fraternity, but I took care of that|with community service.
[ Chuckling .]
|I remember.
No.
Dannywas talking|about that it's been 90 days since you broke off|the engagement with Gordon.
And that that was|my opportunity to, you know, to -- if I was gonna --|toask you out.
That was my opportunity|to ask you out.
The statute of limitations? Yeah.
[ Exhales sharply .]
AnywayI'd better|get back to the, uh you know.
Go back.
It's 60 days.
What? It's 60 days.
Whatcha been|waiting on, McCall? I was -- Huh? I was, y-you know, waiting.
You were waiting for what,|St.
Swithin's Day? I was waiting|the proper 90 days the way I was taught.
Yeah, well whoever taught you|taught you wrong.
It was Danny.
No kidding.
Well, listen, then,|unless you wave me off, I'm gonna kiss you right now.
If it's not|too much trouble.
I'm gonna do it, Dana.
I'm saying do it, Casey.
[ Chuckles .]
|You've done this before, right? I mean, you have a child.
Yes.
Sure.
Absolutely.
Good.
Yes.
-- Casey?|-- Yeah? I'm standing here.
Right, all I was thinking was that I have to be|back on the air in, uh,|just a short time.
Right.
And squeezing this in between|the Tim Nieuwendyk [ Chuckling .]
|and the NFL injury report seems, uh -- You're right.
|-- Aren't l? Yes.
So after the show.
Yes.
Good.
|I'll meet you back here.
-- Tell Natalie|I'm on my way.
|-- Good.
# Does he love me?|I wanna know # # How can I tell|if he loves me so? # # Is it in his eyes? # # Oh, no, you'll be deceived # # Is it in his eyes? # -- # Oh, no,|he'll make believe #|-- You don't mess with|the statute of limitations.
-- # If you wanna know #|-- # Shoop, shoop, shoop # -- # If he loves you so #|-- It's showtime.
# It's in his kiss # -- # That's where it is #|-- Yeah! # Oh, yeah,|or is it in his face? # # Oh, no, it's just his charm # # In his warm embrace? # -- # Oh, no,|that's just his arms #|-- Man, did Nieuwendyk|collapse! -- # If you wanna know #|-- Total self-destruct.
-- # If he loves you so #|-- Oh, not unlike --|-- Shut up.
-- # It's in his kiss #|-- Thank you, Alyson.
|-- Can I go? -- # That's where it is #|-- You can go.
|-- What's with the look? # Oh, it's in his kiss # -- # That's where it is #|-- What look? -- # Oooh, hug him #|-- On your face --|the look on your face.
-- # And squeeze him tight #|-- I'm just feelin' good.
-- # And find out|what you wanna know #|-- 60 seconds in.
|-- Stand by.
Sound, 180.
Stand by, animation.
-- # You know it's love #|-- Dana, we're up right now.
-- # If it really is #|-- We need you|right here, right now.
-- That's incredible.
|-- Who are you talking to? -- # It's there in his kiss #|-- You know what?|You can stay where you are.
-- # How 'bout|the way he acts? #|-- I keep thinking about Cho|Chang and her swim to freedom.
-- # Oh, no,|that's not the way #|-- I keep thinking about|3-inch heels.
-- # And you're|not listening #|-- Okay, that's what|I'm thinking about, too.
-- # To all I say #|Dave: Dan, Casey,|coming to you live in 10.
-- # If you wanna know|if he loves you so #|-- # Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop,|shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop # # It's in his kiss # -- # That's where it is #|-- In 32 -- # Oh, yeah,|it's in his kiss #|-- Welcome back.
|And say what you will, but Timothy Nieuwendyk|did a yeoman's job before becoming|completely unhinged.
No need to go home|unhappy, though.
We've got some lovely|parting gifts for you|when we come back.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
[ lnstrumental for|"It's in His Kiss" plays .]
Dave: We're out.
# Whoa, kiss him # # And squeeze him tight # On the next "Sports Night" Elliott,|have you heard the rumor? -- Yes, I have.
|-- That's 4.
That's 4 people we know|who've heard the rumor.
There's no ratings guy.
-- 5 people|have heard the rumor.
|-- 5 people are wrong.
The rumor is true.
Hillary Clinton|thinks I'm an idiot! His name's Sam Donovan.
|He's supposed to be very good.
I'm not lacking in confidence,|as far as that's concerned, and because of that,|I can say this -- I honestly don't give a damn|if any of you work here or not.
-- # Somehow I will still #|-- I was just wondering|if you w-- # Believe her # -- What?|-- Um Uhnothing.
# She will have her way # # One day I will come back # # Un-doo un-doo doo # # Un-doo un-doo doo # # Un-doo un-doo doo # # Un-doo un-doo doo # # Ah-ah ah-ahhhh # -- It's been 90 days.
|-- I know.
-- 90 days.
|-- Listen There's a statute|of limitations.
So you've said.
And it's 90 days.
I'd rather not|talk about it.
It's just the time is right, and I don't want you|to be scared.
I appreciate that,|but I'm not scared.
You've been telling me for|3 months that you are scared.
WellI am scared.
Right,|and I don't want you to be.
Yeah, that's great, but fear doesn't really|work like that.
Good evening.
|I'm shuffling the 10 block.
Where's the network feed? It's lumber sports.
Got it.
|I'm shuffling the 10 block.
Dan, Casey --|DeNardio's confirmed, so let's lead with it.
-- We're gonna lead with|DeNardio?|-- Yeah.
-- Come on, we gotta lead|with the Jets.
|-- Why? 'Cause it's a better story.
That's a really good point,|Casey, and thanks for the tap|on the shoulder.
Now, lead with DeNardio, and fix your tie.
I've got a new top story.
I moved up DeNardio.
This trumps DeNardio.
Talk to me.
Cho Chang, a Chinese swimmer, is swimming|the Taiwan Strait -- from Pescadores,|or Pong Hu, to Tun Ting Dao.
And there's some question|as to whether the mainland Chinese government|is gonna let her come ashore.
Some quick facts -- the island is separated|from South China by the 161-kilometer-wide|strait, and together with|Matsu and Quemoy forms the seat of the government|of the Republic of China, which, of course, claims|the right to rule all China.
The capital is Taipei.
I could feed it|to Dan and Casey.
Not this second.
Nieuwendyk is pitching in|the fourth with 1 1 strikeouts.
Tell Dana|we can move it upfront.
Tell her it's K-J-A-T.
We can get a live feed|in the seventh.
Dave: 30 seconds to VTR.
-- Where's Dana?|-- Stand by, animation.
-- She's in the sound --|-- Not you.
-- She's back in|the sound room.
|Dana: Right here.
Nieuwendyk has 1 1 strikeouts|in the fourth.
A ground ball|back to the mound is|the only thing in play.
Let's move DeNardio|back to the 20.
We're leading with DeNardio.
Nieuwendyk is on pace to|break the record.
-- When he breaks the record,|we'll break the news.
|-- Dana Dana, the woman's halfway|to Tun Ting Dao.
Please stop saying that.
-- Roll VTR.
|-- 60 seconds live.
Casey Dana, we can get|the feed from K-J-A-T.
We want to be in on this.
-- We'll be in on it later.
|-- Let's lead with it.
-- Natalie|-- Listen, Chun King, if you want to say|something to me, you say it to somebody else.
-- Dan.
|-- Got it.
We're changing the lead|to Nieuwendyk.
We're not changing the lead.
We're keeping it the Jets? We're keeping it DeNardio.
There's a chance|it's gonna be a Chinese swimmer|named Cho Chang.
There's no chance it's|gonna be a Chinese swimmer|named Cho Chang.
It's not gonna be Nieuwendyk.
It used to be the Jets,|but now it's DeNardio, and I wish you'd script it.
Dave: 30 seconds live.
We got this, right? Good evening.
|From New York City, I'm Blah-Blah-Blah|alongside Blah-Blah-Blah.
|Those stories, plus Tony DeNardio has|a new job, and he won't|be wearing crimson.
-- How 'bout that?|-- That's good! You guys are all set.
-- Thank you, Alyson.
|-- We're wingin' the tease|tonight, Alyson.
Good luck.
Flyin' without a script|for 18 seconds.
-- Living on the edge.
|-- Living over the edge.
Dave: In 10.
Do you guys know|what you're doing? -- Yes.
|-- Yes.
In 32 -- Good evening.
|From New York City,|-- Good evening.
|From New York City, -- I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
|-- I'm Casey McCall|alongside Dan Rydell.
-- Those stories, plus --|-- Those stories, plus -- You go.
Those stories, plus Tony DeNardio has|a new job and won't|be wearing crimson.
Team Penske is driving|on tires that won't|be wearing down, and the Eagles have|a placekicker who won't be|wearing out his welcome.
All that coming up|after this.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
Dave: We're out.
Is it over yet? -- All right, that was|totally his fault!|-- All right, that was|totally his fault! [ Groans .]
Stand by, 5.
DeNardio's career highlights|include 1 1 bowl appearances, and a career regular-season|winning percentage of.
632.
For more,|here's Kelly Kirkpatrick|in College Park.
-- Go, 5.
|-- Stand by, one.
Yeah, lsaac, I'm really|sorry about that opening.
I pushed DeNardio|up to the 10s and teased it|at the last minute.
You can punish me|appropriately.
Who's this? They changed|the interoffice system.
The control room.
|Who's this? Dana, they changed|the interoffice system.
All right, well Sorry anyway.
Jeremy, did they change|the interoffice system? -- They switched over --|-- Was she talking to you? I'm pretty sure she was, yes.
I'll be right back.
|Natalie's got the wheel.
-- Dave?|-- 90 seconds back.
You absolutely have to take|this risk.
Risks aren't really|my strong suit, Danny.
Tell me about it, Casey.
I can't, you know, become|this thing that I'm not.
You are this thing|that you're not.
No, I'm not.
She thinks you are.
|I think you are.
She thinks I am? Isaac Nieuwendyk's got|14 strikeouts.
Yeah.
|I'm sorry about the tease.
Why? We screwed up|the show opening.
When? Just now.
|Didn't you see it? -- No.
|-- Why not? We're not on the air yet.
W-What are you talking about? We're on at 1 1 :10 tonight.
Since when? We pushed 10 minutes|for lumber sports.
Why didn't anyone tell me? Is it possible|I forgot to tell you about being pushed to 1 1 :10|for lumber sports? Yes, lsaac,|it is entirely possible that you forgot to tell me.
-- Well, you had|the network feed --|-- We didn't have|the network feed.
We turned off|the network feed.
-- Why?|-- Will's afraid|of lumber sports.
What the hell -- He's afraid of the axes|and the saws.
He thinks|they're gonna cut themselves.
-- I don't understand --|-- He just is, okay? How could you forget|to tell me? Sorry.
Sorry? Yeah.
Yeah.
Sohow you doin'? Who cares how I'm doing? Isaac, I've gotta go start|the show again.
This is the craziest thing I've|ever experienced in my life.
Well, then,|you gotta live more, Dana, 'cause there's some|crazy-ass stuff out there.
I have to go now.
|1 1 :10? Yes.
You didn't turn off the clocks|in there, did you? Will's not afraid of clocks.
You look good today, and your speech|is getting better.
Go.
Casey, you know -- I know.
What's the worst|that could happen, hmm? [ Sighs .]
She could say no,|she could laugh, and then I'd feel sad|and ashamed for a long time, and I already did that|for 1 1 years.
Dave: In 32 Welcome back.
-- Hello.
|-- Dana, we've got -- Hang on.
|This is gonna be fun.
5-year contract with|a major broadcast network.
The name of which|we'd reveal, but -- Hello.
|My name is Dana Whitaker.
I'm the executive producer|of "Sports Night," and I'm interrupting|this broadcast to tell you that Casey took gymnastics|after school for 7 years.
How is he looking|to you now, girls? Dana -- We're not on the air,|you idiots.
What happened? We're going up|10 minutes late.
Why didn't we get word? We did get word.
-- Are you kidding me?|-- Don't worry about it.
-- Are you telling me lsaac --|-- Don't worry about it.
Natalie, back up the field|10 minutes.
-- Dave|-- 1 1 :10? That's right.
|Put us back at ready-1.
Can I see you two a second? That's 2:20 to VTR, everybody.
Let's do it again.
It's like he didn't even care.
-- lsaac?|-- Yeah.
He forgot to tell me? I think it would be great if we'd all stop worrying|about lsaac.
I think it would be great if he stopped giving us|cause to worry.
Just keep an eye out, okay? Yeah.
[ Door closes .]
[ Chuckles nervously .]
Oh.
Oh.
Sorry.
[ lndistinct voices .]
Right there --|you know what that was? What? Another missed opportunity.
You miss enough of them,|and the ballgame's over.
Well, let's see if we can do|the show right this time.
Dan: Don't go anywhere, folks.
|There's more to come.
We've got Columbus,|Colorado, D.
C.
, and L.
A.
-- You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
We're out.
Dana, what are we doing|about Nieuwendyk? He's got 18 after 7.
|If he goes to 19,|we'll break in.
Finally.
Elliott, set the feed.
Do you have a second? No, I don't have a second.
Actually, you have 90 seconds.
I'm using this time|for myself.
-- Natalie|-- Outside.
[ Telephone ringing .]
-- Okay.
|-- Well? -- First of all --|-- Yes.
Thank you for seeing me.
-- What do you want?|-- I want to say while acknowledging that|not everyone shares each|other's view of the world, and while most situations|between 2 or more people|involve various shades of gray -- as opposed to|black and white --|-- What are you trying|to say? I'm trying to say that|I'm right and you're wrong.
And what's more, you know|I'm right and you're wrong.
No, you mean you're right|and I'm cute.
Natalie, they wanted you|to be a damn weathergirl.
They wanted me for local sports|and human interest.
You turned down the job.
-- Why are we still fighting?|-- You know why! -- No, I really don't!|-- "They want you|because you're cute"? They wanted you|because they're idiots.
-- Thank you.
|-- You know what I mean.
-- I do know what you mean!|-- You weren't gonna|get to do any writing.
You weren't gonna get|to do any reporting.
They were gonna hand you|wire copy and dress you -- I understand that, Jeremy.
I've been doing this|a few years.
I'm talking about you being|upset I got the offer at all.
-- I don't know why you think|I was upset!|-- You were acting like -- -- You're wrong.
|-- I'm not.
And even if you're right,|I don't know what's so wrong|about being bummed because you might move|to Galveston, Texas.
Nothing.
Except that's not what|you were bummed about.
[ Telephones ringing .]
Dave: In 32 Welcome back.
|Here's what's going on.
Timothy Nieuwendyk just|struck out his 19th batter -- one short of tying|and two short of breaking the all-time|major league record.
We're gonna take you out|to San Francisco, we're gonna|take you there live, and you're gonna stay|for as long as it takes.
I know we promised you|soccer highlights, so let me just tell you that|Columbus beat Miami 1-0, Dallas beat San Jose 1-0, Chicago beat Colorado 1-0, and New England|beat Kansas City 2-1 in an offensive slugfest.
A modest proposal --|make the nets bigger.
John Savitch and Tom Vance|in San Francisco.
Dave: We're out.
Dana: Don't anybody go|too far.
-- Make the nets bigger?|-- You got a better idea? -- Yes.
|-- What? How about|a smaller net and no goalie? -- I like it.
|-- Yeah, like basketball.
Listen to me --|you gotta -- Do you get that there are|certain ways in which I am not like you? Yes.
You walk up to women.
|You're that guy.
You have a smoothness.
|It works for you.
Those are the ways|in which I'm not like you.
I just thought|you meant 'cause you|were allergic to bees.
Announcer:91.
What Johnson should be|more concerned about is that Nieuwendyk is having|trouble spotting his fastball.
[ Door opens,|Knock on door .]
-- Hey.
|-- Hey.
What's up? [ Clicks TV off .]
Make the nets bigger? Either that or a lot smaller|and get rid of the goalies.
[ Laughs .]
Dan, this network|has a 3-year deal with major league soccer.
I know.
That's why|I'm trying to help out.
Two billion soccer fans|will be happy to hear that.
So, what happened? -- When?|-- Before.
What do you mean? You forgot? -- That?|-- Yeah.
I forgot.
Isaac, you can't work|full time.
-- I have to.
|-- Why? Because they pay me to.
You had a stroke.
-- Is that what that was?|-- Yes.
I thought it was|bad swordfish.
-- lsaac, I'm not|kidding around here.
|-- Leave me alone, Danny.
Where are you going? To get myself a drink.
Are you allowed to drink? Danny, I'm 63 years old! I've got a driver's license|and everything.
-- I meant in your condition.
|-- I know what you meant.
-- Is this about the network?|-- Is what about the network? You're trying to do more|than you can do.
I want to know if this is|about Luther and J.
J.
and feeling heat from CSC.
-- Danny|-- They see you're weak,|and they're coming|after the show.
-- Is that what's happening?|-- Listen Is that why you're|working when you|shouldn't be working? Give me names, lsaac.
After your funeral|and memorial service,|I want to know who I go see.
-- I'm not weak.
|-- You forgot we were|going up 10 minutes late? Yes, I did.
Admit that it's harder now.
I have no trouble|admitting that.
Ask people|to do things for you.
-- Like what?|-- Like getting you a drink.
Why? Because you've been walking|over to that bar for, like,|a half an hour now.
[ Laughs .]
-- I'm getting stronger.
|-- Yeah.
The recovery period -- The recovery period's|12 months.
Yes.
Then why are you back at work|after 5 months? Because I am.
You know what, Danny? On your best day,|you make about 10 mistakes, and if you don't believe me, Iet's take a look at the|file tape on tonight's teaser.
That was my fault.
I'll say.
I made a mistake just like|the ones I used to make.
And there was a time when you and Casey would|come in here and beat the hell out of me till tears were coming out|of my eyes, I was laughing so hard.
I'm not your damn|grandfather.
Don't treat me that way.
When I screw up, I don't want you|coming in here for the talk.
I want to hear some chatter|out there.
Okay.
Good.
[ Clicks TV on .]
|Announcer: Now I think|we're gonna start to see some activity in the bullpen.
Yes, they're warming up|Martinez.
This doesn't look good.
Were you talking to me? There's no one else|in the room.
That's right.
Announcer:|Johnson makes a move.
Okay.
[ Clicks off .]
Do you think I was upset that you got offered the job|and I didn't? Yes.
I saw an ugly side of you|come out.
-- You think you saw --|-- I know what I saw.
And I'm telling you if|the tables had been turned, I would have thrown you|a party.
Listen -- We both want to be|on camera, and this isn't the last time|this is gonna happen, so what do we do? How 'bout we listen to what|the other person is saying instead of trying|to interpret? -- Oh, please.
|-- Natalie Men harbor this illusion that they can cover up|their, you know, with this other thing,|but women always know.
No, they don't.
You know why not? Because women don't have|special powers.
Let's dispense with|that theory right now.
Women don't have|a sixth sense, women don't have intuition,|they don't have special powers.
You were being offered a job|in Galveston.
That meant I was gonna have to,|like, go there.
I was gonna have to go|and live there and get a job in Galveston.
And I wasn't gonna get offered|a job in broadcasting.
It was gonna be|ranch work for me, okay? Or big-game fishing.
Either way, my life has taken|an abrupt and bizarre turn, because one minute, I'm paying my bills with money|I'm earning at my dream job, while dating the most beautiful|woman on the planet, and the next minute,|I'm on a cattle drive and I'm dating the weathergirl|from "Good Morning, Galveston.
" And I'd have done it.
|I'd have moved to Galveston with the heat and the cattle|and the malaria.
I'd have done it, because|that's how much I love you, and that's how much|I want what you want.
But you can't expect me|to be wild about the idea.
What? You are so cute.
-- Natalie|-- You are just so cute.
Listen We need to be serious|for just a second.
I'm totally serious.
Listen What? -- Nothing.
|-- What? The thing is|[ Sighs .]
-- your instinct wasn't|entirely wrong.
|-- I know.
I didn't behave like a man.
You're apologizing like one.
Yeah? You're so cute|it freaks me out.
All right, well,|let's just say -- -- Let's just say what?|-- Nothing.
No, it's okay.
|You want to make a little|proclamation.
I can tell.
I don't want to make|a proclamation.
Sure, you do.
Go ahead.
-- Well, no, it's just --|-- Come on.
I deem that the fight|is officially over.
Excellent.
I deem I'm coming|to bed tonight in|your tuxedo shirt, high heels, and nothing else.
-- Excellent.
|-- Guys.
Don't tell me women don't|have special powers.
What's up, Elliott? -- Are you watching the game?|-- Oh, man! No.
Nieuwendyk isn't looking|so good.
Give me audio.
-- Hey.
|-- Oh, hey.
Whatcha doin'? [ Chuckles .]
I'm hanging out|in your office.
I can see.
I do that sometimes|during the show,|during breaks.
I like it in here.
I like the skyline -- better than the one|in my office.
-- Really?|-- No.
I just made all that up.
I was in here because|I thought you might be in here.
Oh, yeah.
|And I am.
Mm-hmm.
So I was right.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Sighing .]
|That is a beautiful skyline.
It's a beautiful city.
You know This is gonna sound, uh --|you're gonna laugh at this.
[ Chuckles .]
|Try me.
Danny's been talking to me|all week about the statute|of limitations.
Have you committed a crime? No, no.
I --|Well, I mean, back when I was pledging|my fraternity, but I took care of that|with community service.
[ Chuckling .]
|I remember.
No.
Dannywas talking|about that it's been 90 days since you broke off|the engagement with Gordon.
And that that was|my opportunity to, you know, to -- if I was gonna --|toask you out.
That was my opportunity|to ask you out.
The statute of limitations? Yeah.
[ Exhales sharply .]
AnywayI'd better|get back to the, uh you know.
Go back.
It's 60 days.
What? It's 60 days.
Whatcha been|waiting on, McCall? I was -- Huh? I was, y-you know, waiting.
You were waiting for what,|St.
Swithin's Day? I was waiting|the proper 90 days the way I was taught.
Yeah, well whoever taught you|taught you wrong.
It was Danny.
No kidding.
Well, listen, then,|unless you wave me off, I'm gonna kiss you right now.
If it's not|too much trouble.
I'm gonna do it, Dana.
I'm saying do it, Casey.
[ Chuckles .]
|You've done this before, right? I mean, you have a child.
Yes.
Sure.
Absolutely.
Good.
Yes.
-- Casey?|-- Yeah? I'm standing here.
Right, all I was thinking was that I have to be|back on the air in, uh,|just a short time.
Right.
And squeezing this in between|the Tim Nieuwendyk [ Chuckling .]
|and the NFL injury report seems, uh -- You're right.
|-- Aren't l? Yes.
So after the show.
Yes.
Good.
|I'll meet you back here.
-- Tell Natalie|I'm on my way.
|-- Good.
# Does he love me?|I wanna know # # How can I tell|if he loves me so? # # Is it in his eyes? # # Oh, no, you'll be deceived # # Is it in his eyes? # -- # Oh, no,|he'll make believe #|-- You don't mess with|the statute of limitations.
-- # If you wanna know #|-- # Shoop, shoop, shoop # -- # If he loves you so #|-- It's showtime.
# It's in his kiss # -- # That's where it is #|-- Yeah! # Oh, yeah,|or is it in his face? # # Oh, no, it's just his charm # # In his warm embrace? # -- # Oh, no,|that's just his arms #|-- Man, did Nieuwendyk|collapse! -- # If you wanna know #|-- Total self-destruct.
-- # If he loves you so #|-- Oh, not unlike --|-- Shut up.
-- # It's in his kiss #|-- Thank you, Alyson.
|-- Can I go? -- # That's where it is #|-- You can go.
|-- What's with the look? # Oh, it's in his kiss # -- # That's where it is #|-- What look? -- # Oooh, hug him #|-- On your face --|the look on your face.
-- # And squeeze him tight #|-- I'm just feelin' good.
-- # And find out|what you wanna know #|-- 60 seconds in.
|-- Stand by.
Sound, 180.
Stand by, animation.
-- # You know it's love #|-- Dana, we're up right now.
-- # If it really is #|-- We need you|right here, right now.
-- That's incredible.
|-- Who are you talking to? -- # It's there in his kiss #|-- You know what?|You can stay where you are.
-- # How 'bout|the way he acts? #|-- I keep thinking about Cho|Chang and her swim to freedom.
-- # Oh, no,|that's not the way #|-- I keep thinking about|3-inch heels.
-- # And you're|not listening #|-- Okay, that's what|I'm thinking about, too.
-- # To all I say #|Dave: Dan, Casey,|coming to you live in 10.
-- # If you wanna know|if he loves you so #|-- # Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop,|shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop # # It's in his kiss # -- # That's where it is #|-- In 32 -- # Oh, yeah,|it's in his kiss #|-- Welcome back.
|And say what you will, but Timothy Nieuwendyk|did a yeoman's job before becoming|completely unhinged.
No need to go home|unhappy, though.
We've got some lovely|parting gifts for you|when we come back.
You're watching|"Sports Night" on CSC,|so stick around.
[ lnstrumental for|"It's in His Kiss" plays .]
Dave: We're out.
# Whoa, kiss him # # And squeeze him tight # On the next "Sports Night" Elliott,|have you heard the rumor? -- Yes, I have.
|-- That's 4.
That's 4 people we know|who've heard the rumor.
There's no ratings guy.
-- 5 people|have heard the rumor.
|-- 5 people are wrong.
The rumor is true.
Hillary Clinton|thinks I'm an idiot! His name's Sam Donovan.
|He's supposed to be very good.
I'm not lacking in confidence,|as far as that's concerned, and because of that,|I can say this -- I honestly don't give a damn|if any of you work here or not.