That '70s Show s02e01 Episode Script
Garage Sale
Okay Michael I want you to take me to the movies today Yeah I hear you Jackie, 2:00 Smokey and the Bandit No, no, no, no I told you I dont wanna see that again, I dont like the south Do you wanna see "The Goodbye Girl ?" Well I would but it has two basic flaws, no Smokey and no Bandit Yeah plus isnt the Goodbye Girl like a girl movie You moron a girl movie is a make out movie Well then I'm in Me too.
I will come and watch Okay T minus one hour till the garage sale, Oh I feel like an astronaut.
Oh red remember how bad Eric wanted these roller skates? Oh the Yo-yo, ohhhh your plastic vomit, I fell for that.
Yeah you wasted a lot of my money son.
Me and my damn childhood.
Mrs Forman, I feel real bad.
I mean you let me stay here and everything.
I wish there's something I can contribute on the garage sale.
Oh Steven your loving smile is contribution enough No, it's not.
Run that upstairs You heard him Kelso? Move it.
Hey uh dad, Donna and I were gonna go see the Goodbye Girl Yeah, well I am sure its a great movie Eric but your gonna be helping with the garage sale, it's important Oh right were having the garage sale because you lost your job, I mean because of all the clutter.
Everybody needs to work Eric the gravy train has made its last stop Okay there was a gravy train? Yup and you missed it.
Oh Steven I have a great idea you could sell lemonade Mrs.
Forman Ive thrown a lot of rocks at kids with lemonade stands Lord knows I hate a hypocrite You could have a little bake sale I pretty much beat any kid selling anything Steven you could just do a little table with some cookies and some brownies I am not much of brownies? I could make brownies because people love brownies No they dont Oh they love my brownies Oh Steven you are such a joy to have around the house I cant believe your mother abandoned you, I mean went on such a long trip Boy I sure do like brownies, Hey you know whats got two thumbs and really likes brownies? This guy Hyde, oh come on I am asking you not to make these brownies, I mean my mom and dad are way too fat Nice cover You know what Eric you just leave him alone this is Stevenss contribution to our garage sale and I happen to know that you put the special ingredient in these brownies.
ERIC: I told him not too HYDE: Special ingredient? Yes, love Oh yeah theres a whole big bag of love in there Mom, crazy Helen from across the street is switching price tags and dad says hes gonna kick her in the keester Oh no hell do it too Hey Kelso Oh look it's chocolate batter I sure do wish I could finish all this chocolate batter on my finger but I just cant, guess I can bye Man I was so close Hyde, God you cant make special brownies in my parents kitchen Oh no I already made 'em if only you had warned me sooner Come man Im serious Look Forman relax man okay Yeah I am making special brownies but I am also making regular brownies for the straight folks or losers Yeah, someday in gonna own a restaurant and everything is gonna be special and then when people ask me and they say hey Kelso whats the special Im gonna say everything! I cant believe youd rather stay here than go see a movie with me Oh believe me Donna I'd love to go but Red said I can't and well he can kick my ass so Eric I can kick your ass - Oh yeah - hmm Lets go Lets go, come on bring it on Man, what are you doing? Im lonely Okay Daddy Ive rounded out some things to help the family in these trying times Yeah you see Eric, your sisters a team player No these are all my things Grow up Eric theyre GI Joes Yeah GI Joes with Kung-fu grip, what a Bitch .
a roonie doonie Do you now or have you ever had any association with the Point Place police department? Alright heres your brownie, you got about thirty minutes to get some place safe.
Kitty, I noticed youre selling the kissing dolphins Bob and I bought you.
You know what is that doing on this table? Red I told you not to sell that, give it to me Ill just Ill run it right back into the house.
Oh and Red your also selling that pocket fisherman we gave you for Christmas.
Dont you wanna run that back into the house too? No Bob that was a really dumb gift.
Okay so the Goodbye Girl starts at two so Id better go.
Well I guess this is goodbye, girl.
Fez youre so funny FEZ: (in his head) Well hello Jackie FEZ: (in his head) Did you see that Fez? Yes you did, she may be taking my popcorn but she knows there is more in my lap than that.
She wants you old boy nows your chance be smooth, think Ricardo Montelbone just turn, lock eyes and go, JACKIE: Wait, wait Fez what are you doing? DONNA: Oh my god KELSO: youre a dead man FEZ: Could I have avoided this? Lets review, first Jackie said I was funny next she ate popcorn from my groin, then I sucked her face Nope, it was meant to be.
Forman this doesnt make any sense, I am out of brownies but I should have more money Hyde thats dirty money theres never enough No man its like I lost an entire tray of brownies Wait what kind of brownies did you lose Hyde were they regular brownies? They were special brownies Where was the last place you had them In the oven In my mothers oven ? Oh now see Steven your brownies they were a big hit! You know, I am glad the plant is closing it frees me up to do my own thing You said do my own thing Oh Red your own thing thats so hip I love salt I like that word hip it kinda pops you know, hip, hip, hip I can see my own mouth You know whats beautiful, Fruitcake.
All the different colored fruits living together in one cake.
I jumped out of a cake once I also like sweet but theres just something about salt Hip, it starts to lose its meaning after a while you know.
Hip, its not even a word Oh my god, listen you can hear my heart, Oh my god there it is again No that someone at the door Maybe its the cops Its just someone for the garage sale.
Take whatever you want it wont fill the hole in your life.
Well Ill see who it is You know for a terrible grouch Red Is great in bed Im sorry what? RED: (singing) Hip pity Hop pity Easter's on its way Where did you go Red? Well I hoping down the old bunny trail and this guy offered me two hundred dollars for the Vista Cruiser, so I sold it to him.
You sold Erics car? Oh no (she starts laughing) Dad you sold my car? How could you? Just what in the hell were you thinking? I thought I was helping because youre always saying how you need money.
For gas, for the car Dont yell at him, but to be honest Red were a little disappointed Im not gonna run anymore errands for you pal You should have checked with us first Red You know how many times I rotated those tires? Youre not supposed to take things that arent yours I had stuff in the back seat, now thats all just gone mister Forman its okay No its not okay Look Red who did you sell the car too? I sold it to a guy named Peter, Peter Cottontail Hopping down the bunny field hip pity hop pity Easters on it's way.
In a way I dont blame Fez I am very appealing.
I just cant believe he kissed you thats Donna I have to confess something, it wasnt terrible How not terrible? It was the best kiss of my life, I mean Fez is totally not an option cause hes foreign and everything but Michael has never kissed me like that.
What was so good about it? You know when Fez talks he sometimes rolls his rs? Yeah Well thats what he did in my mouth Really? That actually sounds kinda cool I know I mean dont get me wrong you know Eric hes a great kisser and everything but hes never like rolled anything.
Oh I just love kissing dont you Donna? I am gonna go find Eric Eric I was just talking to Jackie and Donna not now okay.
See Hyde I asked you not to make special brownies but did you listen? - Well - Exactly, You didnt you were just so smart.
What were you thinking? - I was.
.
- Yeah thats it right thats the problem you werent thinking now my folks are fried and I got no car.
Wait minute, brownies your mom and dad are Donna keep it zipped okay Guess what buddy theres a lesson in all of this.
You know what that lesson is? - The lesson is - Hyde why dont I just tell you what the lesson is? You dance with Mary Jane you get your toes stepped on thats right Consequences my friend yeah consequences now my cars gone and Reds high as a kite.
- Reds high as a kite ? - Okay miss smart mouth shut it I remembered who I sold the car too Who? I dont know but I remembered.
Wait Red, Red think.
Wait, maybe his name is on that check he gave me Yeah maybe it is Your parents had the brownies too.
Well if it isnt Fez.
I am Fez in my country we mae out with our friends girlfriend because la did a.
Oh Kelso I am sorry your girlfriend gives me action in the pants.
Oh no, she doesnt Yes she does, she came up to me, and she said I was funny Fez sometimes when a girl says youre funny it just means that your funny Well I am freaking hilarious Jackie is like my girlfriend and we have this bond between us and nobody can come between that bond.
I thought you wanted to fool around with Erics sister Well yeah her but thats like thats it.
And you made out with Pam Macy Okay Fez whats your point? My point is you are a whore okay then apology accepted You said that we were going for ice cream When we get the car back You know you did tell him you gonna get him ice cream Yeah after and your not helping.
Hey put that down.
Whoa that really shot out of there, sorry Oh Wait listen I dont want to do this.
Well you have to Ill wait in the car No, no red you have to learn to take responsibility for your own actions Well that's stupid GIRL: Yeah? Thats not the guy Did your dad buy a car this morning? The station wagon, yeah he bought that piece of crap for me Piece of crap? Thats a Vista Cruiser you could literally cruise the vistas.
Daddy, where are the keys to the piece of crap?!? Boy shes lovely Give me his check Right and thanks again I too understand parents can be quite What a bitch a-roonie-doonie so you got your car back Forman, are we cool now? Yeah, yeah I think you learned your lesson Absolutely man I learned that if I do something selfish, I'll advised and irresponsible I can get away with it.
I rule No big consequences Ill tell you Donna sometimes that guy just fills me with so Wow you rolled your tongue I know isnt neat? Well I - Dad, Could you pass - No ! You know, what great for dessert ? Hot Dogs.
You read my mind - I'll boil the water - No time
I will come and watch Okay T minus one hour till the garage sale, Oh I feel like an astronaut.
Oh red remember how bad Eric wanted these roller skates? Oh the Yo-yo, ohhhh your plastic vomit, I fell for that.
Yeah you wasted a lot of my money son.
Me and my damn childhood.
Mrs Forman, I feel real bad.
I mean you let me stay here and everything.
I wish there's something I can contribute on the garage sale.
Oh Steven your loving smile is contribution enough No, it's not.
Run that upstairs You heard him Kelso? Move it.
Hey uh dad, Donna and I were gonna go see the Goodbye Girl Yeah, well I am sure its a great movie Eric but your gonna be helping with the garage sale, it's important Oh right were having the garage sale because you lost your job, I mean because of all the clutter.
Everybody needs to work Eric the gravy train has made its last stop Okay there was a gravy train? Yup and you missed it.
Oh Steven I have a great idea you could sell lemonade Mrs.
Forman Ive thrown a lot of rocks at kids with lemonade stands Lord knows I hate a hypocrite You could have a little bake sale I pretty much beat any kid selling anything Steven you could just do a little table with some cookies and some brownies I am not much of brownies? I could make brownies because people love brownies No they dont Oh they love my brownies Oh Steven you are such a joy to have around the house I cant believe your mother abandoned you, I mean went on such a long trip Boy I sure do like brownies, Hey you know whats got two thumbs and really likes brownies? This guy Hyde, oh come on I am asking you not to make these brownies, I mean my mom and dad are way too fat Nice cover You know what Eric you just leave him alone this is Stevenss contribution to our garage sale and I happen to know that you put the special ingredient in these brownies.
ERIC: I told him not too HYDE: Special ingredient? Yes, love Oh yeah theres a whole big bag of love in there Mom, crazy Helen from across the street is switching price tags and dad says hes gonna kick her in the keester Oh no hell do it too Hey Kelso Oh look it's chocolate batter I sure do wish I could finish all this chocolate batter on my finger but I just cant, guess I can bye Man I was so close Hyde, God you cant make special brownies in my parents kitchen Oh no I already made 'em if only you had warned me sooner Come man Im serious Look Forman relax man okay Yeah I am making special brownies but I am also making regular brownies for the straight folks or losers Yeah, someday in gonna own a restaurant and everything is gonna be special and then when people ask me and they say hey Kelso whats the special Im gonna say everything! I cant believe youd rather stay here than go see a movie with me Oh believe me Donna I'd love to go but Red said I can't and well he can kick my ass so Eric I can kick your ass - Oh yeah - hmm Lets go Lets go, come on bring it on Man, what are you doing? Im lonely Okay Daddy Ive rounded out some things to help the family in these trying times Yeah you see Eric, your sisters a team player No these are all my things Grow up Eric theyre GI Joes Yeah GI Joes with Kung-fu grip, what a Bitch .
a roonie doonie Do you now or have you ever had any association with the Point Place police department? Alright heres your brownie, you got about thirty minutes to get some place safe.
Kitty, I noticed youre selling the kissing dolphins Bob and I bought you.
You know what is that doing on this table? Red I told you not to sell that, give it to me Ill just Ill run it right back into the house.
Oh and Red your also selling that pocket fisherman we gave you for Christmas.
Dont you wanna run that back into the house too? No Bob that was a really dumb gift.
Okay so the Goodbye Girl starts at two so Id better go.
Well I guess this is goodbye, girl.
Fez youre so funny FEZ: (in his head) Well hello Jackie FEZ: (in his head) Did you see that Fez? Yes you did, she may be taking my popcorn but she knows there is more in my lap than that.
She wants you old boy nows your chance be smooth, think Ricardo Montelbone just turn, lock eyes and go, JACKIE: Wait, wait Fez what are you doing? DONNA: Oh my god KELSO: youre a dead man FEZ: Could I have avoided this? Lets review, first Jackie said I was funny next she ate popcorn from my groin, then I sucked her face Nope, it was meant to be.
Forman this doesnt make any sense, I am out of brownies but I should have more money Hyde thats dirty money theres never enough No man its like I lost an entire tray of brownies Wait what kind of brownies did you lose Hyde were they regular brownies? They were special brownies Where was the last place you had them In the oven In my mothers oven ? Oh now see Steven your brownies they were a big hit! You know, I am glad the plant is closing it frees me up to do my own thing You said do my own thing Oh Red your own thing thats so hip I love salt I like that word hip it kinda pops you know, hip, hip, hip I can see my own mouth You know whats beautiful, Fruitcake.
All the different colored fruits living together in one cake.
I jumped out of a cake once I also like sweet but theres just something about salt Hip, it starts to lose its meaning after a while you know.
Hip, its not even a word Oh my god, listen you can hear my heart, Oh my god there it is again No that someone at the door Maybe its the cops Its just someone for the garage sale.
Take whatever you want it wont fill the hole in your life.
Well Ill see who it is You know for a terrible grouch Red Is great in bed Im sorry what? RED: (singing) Hip pity Hop pity Easter's on its way Where did you go Red? Well I hoping down the old bunny trail and this guy offered me two hundred dollars for the Vista Cruiser, so I sold it to him.
You sold Erics car? Oh no (she starts laughing) Dad you sold my car? How could you? Just what in the hell were you thinking? I thought I was helping because youre always saying how you need money.
For gas, for the car Dont yell at him, but to be honest Red were a little disappointed Im not gonna run anymore errands for you pal You should have checked with us first Red You know how many times I rotated those tires? Youre not supposed to take things that arent yours I had stuff in the back seat, now thats all just gone mister Forman its okay No its not okay Look Red who did you sell the car too? I sold it to a guy named Peter, Peter Cottontail Hopping down the bunny field hip pity hop pity Easters on it's way.
In a way I dont blame Fez I am very appealing.
I just cant believe he kissed you thats Donna I have to confess something, it wasnt terrible How not terrible? It was the best kiss of my life, I mean Fez is totally not an option cause hes foreign and everything but Michael has never kissed me like that.
What was so good about it? You know when Fez talks he sometimes rolls his rs? Yeah Well thats what he did in my mouth Really? That actually sounds kinda cool I know I mean dont get me wrong you know Eric hes a great kisser and everything but hes never like rolled anything.
Oh I just love kissing dont you Donna? I am gonna go find Eric Eric I was just talking to Jackie and Donna not now okay.
See Hyde I asked you not to make special brownies but did you listen? - Well - Exactly, You didnt you were just so smart.
What were you thinking? - I was.
.
- Yeah thats it right thats the problem you werent thinking now my folks are fried and I got no car.
Wait minute, brownies your mom and dad are Donna keep it zipped okay Guess what buddy theres a lesson in all of this.
You know what that lesson is? - The lesson is - Hyde why dont I just tell you what the lesson is? You dance with Mary Jane you get your toes stepped on thats right Consequences my friend yeah consequences now my cars gone and Reds high as a kite.
- Reds high as a kite ? - Okay miss smart mouth shut it I remembered who I sold the car too Who? I dont know but I remembered.
Wait Red, Red think.
Wait, maybe his name is on that check he gave me Yeah maybe it is Your parents had the brownies too.
Well if it isnt Fez.
I am Fez in my country we mae out with our friends girlfriend because la did a.
Oh Kelso I am sorry your girlfriend gives me action in the pants.
Oh no, she doesnt Yes she does, she came up to me, and she said I was funny Fez sometimes when a girl says youre funny it just means that your funny Well I am freaking hilarious Jackie is like my girlfriend and we have this bond between us and nobody can come between that bond.
I thought you wanted to fool around with Erics sister Well yeah her but thats like thats it.
And you made out with Pam Macy Okay Fez whats your point? My point is you are a whore okay then apology accepted You said that we were going for ice cream When we get the car back You know you did tell him you gonna get him ice cream Yeah after and your not helping.
Hey put that down.
Whoa that really shot out of there, sorry Oh Wait listen I dont want to do this.
Well you have to Ill wait in the car No, no red you have to learn to take responsibility for your own actions Well that's stupid GIRL: Yeah? Thats not the guy Did your dad buy a car this morning? The station wagon, yeah he bought that piece of crap for me Piece of crap? Thats a Vista Cruiser you could literally cruise the vistas.
Daddy, where are the keys to the piece of crap?!? Boy shes lovely Give me his check Right and thanks again I too understand parents can be quite What a bitch a-roonie-doonie so you got your car back Forman, are we cool now? Yeah, yeah I think you learned your lesson Absolutely man I learned that if I do something selfish, I'll advised and irresponsible I can get away with it.
I rule No big consequences Ill tell you Donna sometimes that guy just fills me with so Wow you rolled your tongue I know isnt neat? Well I - Dad, Could you pass - No ! You know, what great for dessert ? Hot Dogs.
You read my mind - I'll boil the water - No time