The Adventures of Superboy (1988) s02e01 Episode Script
With This Ring, I Thee Kill
You know the pain that I've
endured these past
few months, Leo?
All for a new face?
No, you couldn't
even imagine it.
Look at ya,
young, handsome
But you're still gonna
be handsome, Lex.
Handsome?
I had to cut into my face,
my body and my voice,
age myself 15 years,
15 years
of my youth, lost.
Gone, for what?
For what?
So Superboy
won't recognize you.
All because of Superboy.
I look like a
Like this.
I had to burn off my own
fingerprints, Leo.
Tell me, can you fathom what
I've had to put
myself through to
escape from Superboy?
We'll get our revenge, Lex,
we've got the plan.
Ah, yes.
Yes indeed.
We've got the plan.
Thanks to this
clever gentleman
and the astonishing weapon
his firm has
developed for Uncle Sam.
A weapon so powerful
they've even named it
the Superboy.
The Superboy!
It's ironic the weapon
that's so flatteringly named
after the boy is the very one
that'll snuff out his life.
I'm more concerned
about Superboy.
You sure he's
going to show up?
Yes, he'll
He should be here.
And I do hope you
appreciate the fact
that I'm going in
to take these photos.
So, don't blame me
if they don't turn out.
Oh, hi, um, Lana Lang,
Shuster College.
There should be two passes
left for us by Superboy.
You're on the list but
Superboy's not here yet.
Yeah, I know.
But I'm sure he'll
show up, right, Clark?
Right, right.
Thank you for
coming, gentlemen.
Ooh, look at that Lana.
Mmm.
Oh, she's much too pretty
to be hanging out
with that four-eyed
nerd, Clark Kent.
She always liked me, Leo.
Did you know that?
Who wouldn't
like you, Lex?
A lot of people when they find
out I'm the one that's
gonna kill Superboy.
We are in position, sir.
Okay, standby.
Look, are you sure
he's going to show up?
Superboy never
breaks a promise.
Come on, Lana, we've
got things to do.
How about you take some
photographs of the gun
and I'll get an interview
with the scientist
who invented the weapon?
-Okay.
-Okay?
Uh-huh.
Sorry, I'm late in
getting here, sir.
I can't tell you how
much I appreciate
your being here.
You've contributed
so generously
to good cause, it's
the least I could do.
After all, the weapon's named
after me.
Glad you could
make it, Superboy.
It's showtime, folks.
Let's get this
show on the road.
Locking in on target.
Prepare to fire, sir.
Not quite yet.
What's going on?
I can't control it, sir.
The override's
not functioning.
Try the secondary
access then.
Run, move out.
Come on, Ms. Lang.
Where's Clark?
Fire.
That was a full five hundred
pound charge.
It would have
vaporized a 747.
How could I
have been wrong?
Are you okay, Superboy?
I think so.
I don't know what could have
happened.
Are you sure
you're all right.
Another 25 percent charge
and then we'll see
if Superboy would
have been dead.
Well, if at first
you don't succeed.
Oh my God,
it's aiming again.
Superboy!
He scrambled
my program.
Maybe we
better split, Lex.
For now.
Well?
How do I look?
It'sIt's different, Lex.
Different?
Hmm.
Different indeed.
Well, with this face,
I can kill
two birds with one stone
all right.
Oh, I look old.
It looks good, real good.
There's no going back.
This is my new face.
I think it looks
real good, Lex.
No one'll ever
recognize you.
No one?
Not even you, Leo?
Won't you recognize
me anymore, huh?
I don't know
what you mean.
Let me explain, boy.
This is the huanebetai,
the preferred weapon
of the huaorani tribe
of the Amazon rain forest.
The dart is tipped
with curare, a poison
so potent that in a few seconds
the victim
suffers an
excruciating death.
So sorry about
the pain, Leo.
Can't be helped.
Guns make such a mess.
Lex, no please!
We grew up together!
We're friends.
You were friends
with Lex Luthor.
Alas, he is no more.
Smile, Leo, you're
about to pass on
to a higher plane
of existence.
No, no, please, no!
Oh, come on, Leo,
I'm just kidding.
You don't really think
I'd kill you, do you?
What, do you think
I don't have a heart?
Ah, Lex, you really had me going
there for a second,
I'll really tell you.
Ah!
Of course I have a heart, Leo,
a very cold heart.
I'm sorry, Mr. Eckworth,
I didn't hear you come
out of the office.
That's quite all right.
I was bringing
this right in.
Huh, thank you.
Oh, umI don't want to be
disturbed for the rest
of the day.
Yes, sir.
I want to send
a memo to marketing.
I want to have the
Who the devil are you?
Warren Eckworth.
I am you
and you are dead.
Yes, sir.
I've just closed a big deal
with a new supplier,
the Lexor Corporation,
so I'll need a rather large
check from accounting
in this amount.
Have them draft
it immediately.
Yes, sir.
Mm, would you have the freight
department send
me up a crate after lunch
about six feet long?
I have to pack
a dead body.
Oh, sure.
Oh, and get me
in touch with uh,
the chief engineer in charge
of the Superboy Gun, uh
Mr. Henderson.
Henderson, him.
On the private line as usual,
Mr. Eckworth?
As usual.
HelloHelloHello.
Henderson, listen carefully.
I want you to Jack
up the power
on the Superboy Gun.
I waI
I'm fully aware
that it meets
the defense department's
specifications,
however it doesn't
meet mine.
I want you to Jack it up
a full 25 percent
Make it 50 percent.
Believe me, Henderson,
I have my reasons.
To the front page
of the paper.
I guess TJ really made the right
move by going
to work for
his dad's paper.
Yeah, it kinda blows
your mind, huh.
Hey, wait a minute.
You never answered
my question.
Where were you when that missile
hit Superboy?
I looked for you everywhere.
Yo, Andy Mcalister
reporting to being,
first floor second building.
And you must be
my roommate Clark Kent.
Close, Lana Lang.
I'm Clark
and that's your bed.
No, no can do.
See uh, I gotta sleep
with my head facing north.
And it has to do with the way
my mind creates.
I'm gonna have to switch.
What, no beer?
We're not allowed to have
alcoholic beverages
in the dorms.
-Is he serious?
-Uh-huh.
Did you say your name was
Mcalister?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Capital M, small C.
It says here I'm supposed to be
with a guy named
Johnson as my roommate.
Clark, I wanted
to live with you.
I pulled some strings down
at the administration building.
See, I hear that you know
Superboy pretty well
and I'm a big fan
of the superguy myself.
In fact,
I got us little
business propositions
to talk over with him.
Geez, I don't know, Superboy
kinda likes to keep to himself
and I, I just don't know
if I would
be able to do
something like this.
Clark, we're talking
finder's fee.
It's some big bucks.
Okay, for example, what does
this look like?
It looks like a glass you wear
around your neck.
Okay, it's a glass that you wear
around your neck.
But you're not thinking.
How many times you're hanging
out with friends,
slamming a couple brewskies,
you're tipsy,
whatnot, you slip, whoa!
Splat, all over the floor.
But this chain keeps it safely
around your neck
for you to continue
to enjoy.
No mess, no spills.
Trying to get a meeting set up
with proctor and gamble.
Could be a very, very big
Christmas thing.
You ever do
any modeling?
Uh, no.
Well, I have this idea,
swimsuit calendars,
the girls of Shuster College,
and I'd really
like to meet with you.
Are you serious?
Well, not talking
total nudity.
Uh, I think this is
the part where I exit.
Clark, good luck,
it's Andy, right?
Right, right.
I can't say that
I'm that anxious
to meet you again.
Oh, babe, I'll grow on you.
I swear.
Okay, you don't happen to have
a younger sister
do you?
She's outrageous.
YouYou and her
ever, you know.
Lana?
Yeah.
No, we're just friends.
So, you don't mind if I spend
a weekend with her?
This is great.
I love this place.
Ms. Lang.
Mr. Eckworth, hello.
Hello.
Would you be interested
in taking
some exclusive photos
of the Superboy Gun?
Am I?
Well, just come with me.
I, um, thought we were
gonna see the weapon.
How do you like it?
It's beautiful.
Now about the photos
on the Superboy Gun,
what I'd like
to do is maybe
Try it on.
I think the bride
would resent that.
Why would you resent it?
Hey, look, I didn't come here
for this, okay?
Would you mind
unlocking this door?
Why?
So I can leave.
I control a multibillion dollar
corporation,
I'm filthy rich and not
too bad to look at,
not really, am I?
Not as good as I looked
a couple of months ago
but wellNever mind.
I can give you anything
you want, take you
anywhere you want to go.
Meet the most important people
in the world.
You are really sick!
Now, any woman in their right
mind would kill
for the chance
I'm offering you.
Would you get
away from me?
Now, now, now, now, now,
you'll get used to me
once we're married.
You're crazy to think
I would marry you.
Don't you ever
call me crazy.
It's Superboy, isn't it?
You'd rather have him
than an old man like me, huh?
Well, you want
to know a secret?
This is just a mask.
I'm really young
inside the mask,
I'm young like Superboy.
What do you mean?
Plastic surgery.
I even put acid on my vocal
cords to lower my voice.
Why are you
telling me all this?
Well, you should know
who I really am.
You want to guess?
What are you
talking about?
Come on, guess.
I don't know.
You don't know
me, really?
Your old school
chum, Lex Luthor.
No, it's impossible.
Nothing's
impossible for me.
Why?
Because of Superboy.
He made me do all this.
Now you get
into that dress!
This is what one might call
an intravenous love potion.
Now then, my beloved, if you
don't put your bridal gown on
like a good girl, I'll be forced
to inject you with this.
Make your choice.
Ah, I knew I could depend
on you to choose wisely.
Now then my blushing bride,
I've made all the arrangements.
We're going to be married
in a small, out of the way
prison, very old, very quaint
with a lovely old
antique gallows
in the main prison.
You probably know the place,
the old abandoned prison
out on
interstate 5, hmm?
Toodle-loo.
Good afternoon,
Mcalister Productions.
Andy, listen, this is Lana,
put Clark on.
He's not here right now.
Lana, are you okay?
No, I'm in trouble.
Andy, listen.
I don't have much time.
Lex Luthor is forcing
me to marry him.
He's taking me to some
abandoned prison
on the outskirts of town.
Tell Clark, you got that?
Lana, Lana?
Have you met
my best man?
Leo, Lana,
Lana, Leo.
He's the silent type.
And I thought it was only
fitting that your friend,
Mr. Eckworth,
give you away.
We are gathered here today
to join this happy
couple in holy matrimony.
You'll never
get away with this.
Superboy will show up.
I hope he shows up.
Lana Lang and Lex Luthor
have chosen each other
over all others.
Lex, why are you
doing this to me?
I'm doing this to Superboy
for revenge and for love.
And for fun.
Would the groom put the ring
on the bride's finger?
If there is anyone present
who objects to this wedding,
let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.
I object.
-Superboy!
-Right on schedule.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
That's close enough, Superboy.
He's got the gun.
Say cheese.
You killed him!
That was the plan,
my dear wife.
Clear.
I'm afraid he'll
never walk again.
Captioned by Grant Brown
endured these past
few months, Leo?
All for a new face?
No, you couldn't
even imagine it.
Look at ya,
young, handsome
But you're still gonna
be handsome, Lex.
Handsome?
I had to cut into my face,
my body and my voice,
age myself 15 years,
15 years
of my youth, lost.
Gone, for what?
For what?
So Superboy
won't recognize you.
All because of Superboy.
I look like a
Like this.
I had to burn off my own
fingerprints, Leo.
Tell me, can you fathom what
I've had to put
myself through to
escape from Superboy?
We'll get our revenge, Lex,
we've got the plan.
Ah, yes.
Yes indeed.
We've got the plan.
Thanks to this
clever gentleman
and the astonishing weapon
his firm has
developed for Uncle Sam.
A weapon so powerful
they've even named it
the Superboy.
The Superboy!
It's ironic the weapon
that's so flatteringly named
after the boy is the very one
that'll snuff out his life.
I'm more concerned
about Superboy.
You sure he's
going to show up?
Yes, he'll
He should be here.
And I do hope you
appreciate the fact
that I'm going in
to take these photos.
So, don't blame me
if they don't turn out.
Oh, hi, um, Lana Lang,
Shuster College.
There should be two passes
left for us by Superboy.
You're on the list but
Superboy's not here yet.
Yeah, I know.
But I'm sure he'll
show up, right, Clark?
Right, right.
Thank you for
coming, gentlemen.
Ooh, look at that Lana.
Mmm.
Oh, she's much too pretty
to be hanging out
with that four-eyed
nerd, Clark Kent.
She always liked me, Leo.
Did you know that?
Who wouldn't
like you, Lex?
A lot of people when they find
out I'm the one that's
gonna kill Superboy.
We are in position, sir.
Okay, standby.
Look, are you sure
he's going to show up?
Superboy never
breaks a promise.
Come on, Lana, we've
got things to do.
How about you take some
photographs of the gun
and I'll get an interview
with the scientist
who invented the weapon?
-Okay.
-Okay?
Uh-huh.
Sorry, I'm late in
getting here, sir.
I can't tell you how
much I appreciate
your being here.
You've contributed
so generously
to good cause, it's
the least I could do.
After all, the weapon's named
after me.
Glad you could
make it, Superboy.
It's showtime, folks.
Let's get this
show on the road.
Locking in on target.
Prepare to fire, sir.
Not quite yet.
What's going on?
I can't control it, sir.
The override's
not functioning.
Try the secondary
access then.
Run, move out.
Come on, Ms. Lang.
Where's Clark?
Fire.
That was a full five hundred
pound charge.
It would have
vaporized a 747.
How could I
have been wrong?
Are you okay, Superboy?
I think so.
I don't know what could have
happened.
Are you sure
you're all right.
Another 25 percent charge
and then we'll see
if Superboy would
have been dead.
Well, if at first
you don't succeed.
Oh my God,
it's aiming again.
Superboy!
He scrambled
my program.
Maybe we
better split, Lex.
For now.
Well?
How do I look?
It'sIt's different, Lex.
Different?
Hmm.
Different indeed.
Well, with this face,
I can kill
two birds with one stone
all right.
Oh, I look old.
It looks good, real good.
There's no going back.
This is my new face.
I think it looks
real good, Lex.
No one'll ever
recognize you.
No one?
Not even you, Leo?
Won't you recognize
me anymore, huh?
I don't know
what you mean.
Let me explain, boy.
This is the huanebetai,
the preferred weapon
of the huaorani tribe
of the Amazon rain forest.
The dart is tipped
with curare, a poison
so potent that in a few seconds
the victim
suffers an
excruciating death.
So sorry about
the pain, Leo.
Can't be helped.
Guns make such a mess.
Lex, no please!
We grew up together!
We're friends.
You were friends
with Lex Luthor.
Alas, he is no more.
Smile, Leo, you're
about to pass on
to a higher plane
of existence.
No, no, please, no!
Oh, come on, Leo,
I'm just kidding.
You don't really think
I'd kill you, do you?
What, do you think
I don't have a heart?
Ah, Lex, you really had me going
there for a second,
I'll really tell you.
Ah!
Of course I have a heart, Leo,
a very cold heart.
I'm sorry, Mr. Eckworth,
I didn't hear you come
out of the office.
That's quite all right.
I was bringing
this right in.
Huh, thank you.
Oh, umI don't want to be
disturbed for the rest
of the day.
Yes, sir.
I want to send
a memo to marketing.
I want to have the
Who the devil are you?
Warren Eckworth.
I am you
and you are dead.
Yes, sir.
I've just closed a big deal
with a new supplier,
the Lexor Corporation,
so I'll need a rather large
check from accounting
in this amount.
Have them draft
it immediately.
Yes, sir.
Mm, would you have the freight
department send
me up a crate after lunch
about six feet long?
I have to pack
a dead body.
Oh, sure.
Oh, and get me
in touch with uh,
the chief engineer in charge
of the Superboy Gun, uh
Mr. Henderson.
Henderson, him.
On the private line as usual,
Mr. Eckworth?
As usual.
HelloHelloHello.
Henderson, listen carefully.
I want you to Jack
up the power
on the Superboy Gun.
I waI
I'm fully aware
that it meets
the defense department's
specifications,
however it doesn't
meet mine.
I want you to Jack it up
a full 25 percent
Make it 50 percent.
Believe me, Henderson,
I have my reasons.
To the front page
of the paper.
I guess TJ really made the right
move by going
to work for
his dad's paper.
Yeah, it kinda blows
your mind, huh.
Hey, wait a minute.
You never answered
my question.
Where were you when that missile
hit Superboy?
I looked for you everywhere.
Yo, Andy Mcalister
reporting to being,
first floor second building.
And you must be
my roommate Clark Kent.
Close, Lana Lang.
I'm Clark
and that's your bed.
No, no can do.
See uh, I gotta sleep
with my head facing north.
And it has to do with the way
my mind creates.
I'm gonna have to switch.
What, no beer?
We're not allowed to have
alcoholic beverages
in the dorms.
-Is he serious?
-Uh-huh.
Did you say your name was
Mcalister?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Capital M, small C.
It says here I'm supposed to be
with a guy named
Johnson as my roommate.
Clark, I wanted
to live with you.
I pulled some strings down
at the administration building.
See, I hear that you know
Superboy pretty well
and I'm a big fan
of the superguy myself.
In fact,
I got us little
business propositions
to talk over with him.
Geez, I don't know, Superboy
kinda likes to keep to himself
and I, I just don't know
if I would
be able to do
something like this.
Clark, we're talking
finder's fee.
It's some big bucks.
Okay, for example, what does
this look like?
It looks like a glass you wear
around your neck.
Okay, it's a glass that you wear
around your neck.
But you're not thinking.
How many times you're hanging
out with friends,
slamming a couple brewskies,
you're tipsy,
whatnot, you slip, whoa!
Splat, all over the floor.
But this chain keeps it safely
around your neck
for you to continue
to enjoy.
No mess, no spills.
Trying to get a meeting set up
with proctor and gamble.
Could be a very, very big
Christmas thing.
You ever do
any modeling?
Uh, no.
Well, I have this idea,
swimsuit calendars,
the girls of Shuster College,
and I'd really
like to meet with you.
Are you serious?
Well, not talking
total nudity.
Uh, I think this is
the part where I exit.
Clark, good luck,
it's Andy, right?
Right, right.
I can't say that
I'm that anxious
to meet you again.
Oh, babe, I'll grow on you.
I swear.
Okay, you don't happen to have
a younger sister
do you?
She's outrageous.
YouYou and her
ever, you know.
Lana?
Yeah.
No, we're just friends.
So, you don't mind if I spend
a weekend with her?
This is great.
I love this place.
Ms. Lang.
Mr. Eckworth, hello.
Hello.
Would you be interested
in taking
some exclusive photos
of the Superboy Gun?
Am I?
Well, just come with me.
I, um, thought we were
gonna see the weapon.
How do you like it?
It's beautiful.
Now about the photos
on the Superboy Gun,
what I'd like
to do is maybe
Try it on.
I think the bride
would resent that.
Why would you resent it?
Hey, look, I didn't come here
for this, okay?
Would you mind
unlocking this door?
Why?
So I can leave.
I control a multibillion dollar
corporation,
I'm filthy rich and not
too bad to look at,
not really, am I?
Not as good as I looked
a couple of months ago
but wellNever mind.
I can give you anything
you want, take you
anywhere you want to go.
Meet the most important people
in the world.
You are really sick!
Now, any woman in their right
mind would kill
for the chance
I'm offering you.
Would you get
away from me?
Now, now, now, now, now,
you'll get used to me
once we're married.
You're crazy to think
I would marry you.
Don't you ever
call me crazy.
It's Superboy, isn't it?
You'd rather have him
than an old man like me, huh?
Well, you want
to know a secret?
This is just a mask.
I'm really young
inside the mask,
I'm young like Superboy.
What do you mean?
Plastic surgery.
I even put acid on my vocal
cords to lower my voice.
Why are you
telling me all this?
Well, you should know
who I really am.
You want to guess?
What are you
talking about?
Come on, guess.
I don't know.
You don't know
me, really?
Your old school
chum, Lex Luthor.
No, it's impossible.
Nothing's
impossible for me.
Why?
Because of Superboy.
He made me do all this.
Now you get
into that dress!
This is what one might call
an intravenous love potion.
Now then, my beloved, if you
don't put your bridal gown on
like a good girl, I'll be forced
to inject you with this.
Make your choice.
Ah, I knew I could depend
on you to choose wisely.
Now then my blushing bride,
I've made all the arrangements.
We're going to be married
in a small, out of the way
prison, very old, very quaint
with a lovely old
antique gallows
in the main prison.
You probably know the place,
the old abandoned prison
out on
interstate 5, hmm?
Toodle-loo.
Good afternoon,
Mcalister Productions.
Andy, listen, this is Lana,
put Clark on.
He's not here right now.
Lana, are you okay?
No, I'm in trouble.
Andy, listen.
I don't have much time.
Lex Luthor is forcing
me to marry him.
He's taking me to some
abandoned prison
on the outskirts of town.
Tell Clark, you got that?
Lana, Lana?
Have you met
my best man?
Leo, Lana,
Lana, Leo.
He's the silent type.
And I thought it was only
fitting that your friend,
Mr. Eckworth,
give you away.
We are gathered here today
to join this happy
couple in holy matrimony.
You'll never
get away with this.
Superboy will show up.
I hope he shows up.
Lana Lang and Lex Luthor
have chosen each other
over all others.
Lex, why are you
doing this to me?
I'm doing this to Superboy
for revenge and for love.
And for fun.
Would the groom put the ring
on the bride's finger?
If there is anyone present
who objects to this wedding,
let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.
I object.
-Superboy!
-Right on schedule.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
That's close enough, Superboy.
He's got the gun.
Say cheese.
You killed him!
That was the plan,
my dear wife.
Clear.
I'm afraid he'll
never walk again.
Captioned by Grant Brown