The Avengers (1961) s02e01 Episode Script
Mr. Teddy Bear
1 (theme music playing) (indistinct chatter) Director: Right.
Settle down now, studio.
Dead quiet, please.
(theme music playing) Good evening and welcome to "The Man and the Place.
" Tonight, we call on a man not of one but of many places.
His name is Colonel Vernon Wayne-Gilley, whose ninth book, "Go Anywhere," has been published.
Many of you will remember his previous books, which have been described by the reviewers as astringent mixtures of hard travel and hard politics.
And, of course, he's appeared many times on television, too.
And so tonight, Colonel Wayne-Gilley is back with us in our studio again, and he's gonna give us some of his views and also, we hope, tell us some of the fascinating stories that he's collected in a lifetime of crossing and recrossing the world.
Good evening, Colonel.
Well, now, Colonel, um, out of all the places, out of all the countries that you've visited, can you think of one that you'd prefer to remember than any of the others? Colonel? (grunting) Good morning, Gilmore, sorry to badger you again like this.
That's all right, Steed.
Nice to see you.
Well, we've got something for you.
- What is it? - I don't know whether you're gonna like this but fortunately, it's none of my business.
Tell me he has a heart attack, I'll leave you in peace.
I've only a general interest in him.
Now, I am intrigued.
It's not often a man falls dead in front of the television cameras.
The viewers got good value last night.
Better value than you think.
He was murdered.
You've made my day.
How'd he die? - He was poisoned.
- What with? Cyanide.
- Cyanide? - Go in there and take a deep breath.
- You can still smell the stuff.
- What sort of dose? Enough to kill a horse, couple of horses.
Ho ho.
Mm.
Were you watching last night? Me? You know my working hours.
Of course.
Well, I was watching.
The stuff was in his stomach, I suppose.
It was in his stomach.
I know what you're thinking.
Cyanide acts like that, so how could he take a fatal dose before he went on the air? - How? - Like this If I hadn't fished this out of his stomach myself, I would never have believed it.
Well, he was taking pills for some sort of allergy.
Yes.
He was certainly allergic to this one.
Now, we take that in half.
Now, that little chap there is a watch mechanism.
I don't know how you set it or wind it up yet, but that's what it is.
It's jeweled, too.
It's precision stuff.
And that was in Wayne-Gilley's stomach? Yes, in two halves.
I've put it together since.
There's a sort of spring mechanism which shoots the two halves apart.
And that was set to go off at 8:30 last night, the time that he appeared on the air.
I suppose so, yes.
- You've tested it for cyanide? - Of course I have.
Yeah, of course.
So he could've taken this instead of his own pills anytime during the day.
At half past eight, shoots enough cyanide into his stomach to knock out a regiment, thus murder.
And before goodness knows how many witnesses.
- Oh, there's another thing.
- What's that? How could Wayne-Gilley know, I mean, how could he know that he was gonna take one of this pills? That's your problem.
Hah.
I suppose it is.
It is quite a problem, too.
I don't care how non-committal you are.
That's the picture.
He died of heart failure.
All right, call it pulmonary embolism if you're talking to them.
What? No, Fortunately, we got one of our own men to do the PM, so that's all right, and we'll keep you in the picture, sir.
Now, how many of these things are there? 24, including the one he swallowed.
- And all fitted with this time mechanism.
- Every one.
It wouldn't have made any difference which one he'd taken.
It would have been the same.
They were all in pieces when we found the bottle.
They all came apart at half past eight last night? - That's right.
- Hmm.
Didn't care if we found them, did he? Well, he knew we'd find one at the post-mortem.
Couple of dozen more wouldn't matter.
Expensive, Steed.
Very expensive.
How much one of these little gadgets cost? £40, £50 if you had them made specially.
Swiss, I suppose.
£1,200, £1,500 the lot.
Biggish overheads.
Not really, not for him.
Him? What do you mean, him? You running to clairvoyance these days, Steed? No more than you.
I see you've got his file out already.
Hmm.
All right.
Let's have a look.
Olaf Pommeroy alias Jules Edouard Baer alias Edward Speerman? Yes, and several others we don't know about.
"Mr.
Teddy Bear.
" Hmm, "Mr.
Teddy Bear.
" Yes.
What do we know about him? Born well, that's a bit difficult.
- Sardinia.
- Maybe.
First we really know of him was with the Resistance, World War II, Greece and then Italy.
Yes, he'd started to specialize in executions even then.
Herr General Grantz.
He took off the Fuhrer a bit.
Used to bash the table when he made speeches.
He was addressing the loyal population of Talana, Italy, in May '43, grabbed hold of the microphone to emphasize a point or two, Unfortunately, the stem was cut, carrying a couple of thousand volts or so.
Herr General Freiber, gassed when opening his safe.
Mindel I remember him, he was the lad who liked souvenirs, wasn't he? He had an American hand grenade turned into a table lighter.
He picked it up one evening to light a cigar, found that someone had turned it back into a live grenade again.
After the war, nothing for five or six years.
Mr.
Teddy Bear.
What's his current price? According to all accounts, £100,000 per killing.
Whew.
For that, you get a nice, quiet practical joke or a public execution like last night's affair, according to taste.
'Course, Wayne-Gilley had it coming to him for a long time.
I'm not surprised.
He was a double agent for so many countries, I'm a wonder it didn't happen before.
Even double agents have their uses.
What about Mr.
Teddy Bear? What do you got in his personal file? I wonder what mischief that little fellow had been up to.
- That's not much use, is it? - Can't even get his height.
- Anything else? - He was in Rome 18 months ago.
Now he's here.
- Surely he would've left after last night.
- He didn't.
That we do know.
Also, unreliable sources say he's got another job to do here before he does leave.
- Really? - Yes, unfortunately, unreliable sources don't say who or what.
Anyway, Steed, get him.
That's as near an order as I can make it.
Be a pleasure to deal with a real professional again.
Hmm.
Well, let me know what you decide.
That's all.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'll let you know.
(door opens and closes) "Mr.
Teddy Bear.
" (Steed plays piano notes, hums "Blue Danube Waltz") But how do we get hold of him? Box number, telephone number? You don't call him, he calls you.
Mr.
Teddy Bear likes to work alone as much as possible.
Anyway, you want contact to be made somehow.
That's right and hire him to do another killing.
- Who? - Me, for instance.
(continues humming) Are you considered good enough bait? I don't see why not.
It's not my pedigree he wants, only money.
Bum bum bum Oh We put it around that you're in the market for hired assassins, so if you're ready, let's get started.
Thank heavens.
I thought we were in for a musical evening.
Come on, you've got homework to do.
You don't think we can let you hire Mr.
Teddy Bear on his own account, do you, much as you might like to? Oh, I thought it was just like calling a cab.
Who do you want me to represent? That is your homework, so get your boots on and let's get going.
We got a long evening.
After you.
After you, lady.
All right, George, set her up.
All set, John.
Fine.
That's Bridges, Jeffrey Bridges.
- He's your immediate superior.
- Let's see them.
I'm sorry.
Bridges again.
Height 5-foot-10.
Weight 170.
He's got a slight Welsh accent.
Listen.
He's a long way towards it, believe you me, boy, so don't give me all that talk about accurate information.
And another thing Now, he'll act as a cover for your story.
Listen again.
He's a long way towards it, believe you me, boy, so don't give me all that talk about accurate information.
And another thing All right, that's Bridges.
Who else? (snaps) Sliebermann.
Now, he's your Brussels contact.
Import/export, drugs, diamonds, women.
He looks a very unpleasant character.
He's actually Detective Sergeant Cook.
He's married, he's got three kids, lives at Staines.
It just shows you can't go by appearances.
- All right, Sliebermann, Brussels.
I've got it.
- Now, Sliebermann, as far as you're concerned, will arrange payment for the job.
- Before or after you're dead? - I can't say.
Seems to vary.
Normally, Mr.
Teddy Bear, he's like £20,000 in advance more or less to cover expenses, rest on delivery.
Very gentlemanly.
Hasn't anybody ever welshed on him? Yeah, there was one.
They dropped his body by helicopter right onto the Exhibition Square at the opening of the last.
Trade Festival at Zagreb, and it made a very nasty splash.
After that, as far as we know - All his clients have paid up like gentlemen.
- On you go.
Right through it.
I'm using my own name, age, and background up till two years ago when I became contact for a European syndicate known as the Silverfish, trading principally in watches and operating from Bern, Stuttgart, and Turin.
For the following 18 months, I handled transactions in cash to about £2 1/2 million, ending with an arms deal financed by Sliebermann in Brussels.
Visa and entry permit to correspond.
Right.
For the past four months, I've been in Britain to negotiate the murder of John Steed.
- Why? - Why? I don't know why.
It's not part of my business to know why.
Yeah, quite right.
Now remember another thing.
- If it's safely possible, tell the truth.
- Naturally.
Mr.
Teddy Bear has got an eye on you.
He must know you've met me several times the last few days.
But there's no harm in that.
Just admit it, you know.
All right.
Oh, and don't get any spectacular ideas.
If we thought could get Mr.
Teddy Bear when he first met you, we'd be behind you with a platoon of infantry, but he's a professional all the way up to the tips of his furry ears, so forget about concealing six-shooters in your stocking tops, baby-blue eyes.
I wonder if you're right.
If it wouldn't be better to make our grab now before he's had time to think.
No, it wouldn't.
Just do as I say.
There might not be a second chance.
There will.
There will.
If there isn't, it'll be your funeral, won't it? Heh.
All right, George, you go all over that again.
- Right, sir.
- Fine.
Man: Central answering service here.
For whom do you wish to leave a message? Mr.
Jeffrey Bridges, please.
Just a moment.
Will you please dictate your message? Will you tell him I have an appointment this evening? I have to go to place called Mantle's Holt near Barton.
Mantle's Holt.
That's all.
Who is speaking, please? Cathy.
Thank you.
Yeah, Mantle's Holt.
Yes, sir.
Looks like a large house from the map.
Hold on.
It's slap in the middle of a marsh.
The nearest village is Barton, and that should be 40 minutes by car.
Hey, tiger, I'm gonna be the king cat Aw, get on over, tiger I'm gonna be the king cat Well, now don't you grab your buddy tonight He don't like it like that 20 cigarettes, please.
This is Barton, isn't it? That's right, love.
I'm looking for a place called Mantle's Holt.
Do you know where it is? Left it a bit late, haven't ya? Hardly be able to see your feet this time of night out there.
- (register dings) - Been empty for years.
Yes, I know.
I'm from the Preservation Society.
I'm supposed to have a look at it, only I lost my way.
Shouldn't have thought it was worth preserving.
Still, out the door, turn left.
Seven mile up the hill, you'll see the drive.
- In a car? - Yes.
- Mind how you go, then.
- Right.
Thank you.
(song continues) Yes, sir.
What can I do for you? - I'll have a cup of tea.
- Cup of tea.
Right.
Aw, get on over, tiger I'm gonna be the top dog (car door closes, engine starts) (engine sputters) Man over intercom: Sit down.
Over there.
I hope I did not startle you, Mrs.
Gale.
You must forgive my sense of humor.
It sometimes runs away with me.
- Where are you? - Here, right here.
Oh, you cannot see me, but I see you.
Look upwards and a little to your left.
Will you have a cigarette? No, thank you.
No? Very well.
Let us get down to business.
Oh, I do beg you not to be nervous.
I find it distressing to talk to nervous clients, particularly when they are as charming as yourself.
- Thank you.
- Oh, that's better.
Now, I have examined your credentials and find them satisfactory in every respect.
I understand you want John Steed dead.
That's right.
You have no personal motive? None whatever.
I must ask because I see you have contacted Steed - a good deal in the last month.
- Quite true.
We've been trying to reach an agreement with him.
But you have failed, and so you want him dead.
- Yes.
- Publicly or privately? It's of no importance.
What is the charge for your services? 200,000.
That's high.
I was given to understand As it is Mr.
Steed, my price is higher than normal on that account Cathy: I see.
How do you wish to be paid? In diamonds, please, on proof of death, of course.
I shall require an advance of payment now.
How much? If you would remove the pendant you're wearing and place it on the desk in front of you, that will be admirable.
I'm sure you'll wish to get back to London as soon as possible, so I will keep you no longer.
May I say it's been a pleasure to do business with you, Mrs.
Gale? Mrs.
Gale! Yes? You will see me again, not like this, of course, but you will see me in about five days.
I hope you will have the rest of my payment ready.
Of course.
Then good night.
(door closes) Man: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
Nearer? No.
That's slightly speeded with a good deal of compression.
(changed pitch) The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
The quick brown fox jumps over Nearer, but not quite right.
We could try clipping it up a little tighter.
It's difficult to recognize any accent through all that, even assuming there was one in the first place.
I don't think there was.
It was all rather grotesque.
It took me a minute or two to realize that it was him talking through the doll.
He didn't mention anything about any advance payment? No, he just took my diamond pendant.
Tsk tsk.
Diamond.
What it comes to this then You saw no one.
He probably wasn't even in the same building.
He spoke to you through a teddy bear doll.
He inspected you through a closed-circuit television link.
Wasn't his true voice because you presume he fed through a racket like that.
You brought back a cigarette case which may or may not have prints on it, which in turn may or may not be his.
You, of course, would've done a good deal better.
Probably, but there's always Henry.
The man on the motorbike.
You've got him? I've got him at my flat.
I'm gonna have a word with him.
(telephone rings) Hello, hello.
Oh, yes.
Fingerprints.
Huh? Yes.
I see.
Well, come on.
There were prints all over it, in fact.
Well, any help? The prints, according to what the lab call a first estimate, appear to be those of an adult chimpanzee.
(laughs) Here you are, Henry.
Come on now.
We can get closer than that.
Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't have to talk to you.
Of course you don't, Henry.
I just went for a nice ride in the country, that's all.
You like the feel of the wind on your face, eh? That's right, so take All right, that's enough.
We all have our own idea of fun.
I see from this you only just got that license for that great big bike of yours.
I hope you got your "L" plates up.
Oh, get lost.
Aren't you a bit old for doing the town? I see here it says you've been driving trucks for years, but I suppose it's too difficult to follow anyone in a truck.
Follow anyone? Don't be daft.
You had a bit of engine trouble.
You lost your ignition lead, eh? Ought to be careful how you turn that engine of yours over.
- You might rupture yourself.
- How'd you know about that? Motorcycling's your hobby.
Knowing things is mine.
I know several people would like to talk to you Only they can't be bothered Hey, you're molting, aren't you, old girl? About drugs, immoral earnings, and I should think breaking and entering and carrying an offensive weapon.
I don't mean your motorbike.
Plus, I don't think anyone really wants to be bothered talking to you about that, so why don't we just talk about one thing? And that is teddy bears.
Wait a minute.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about teddy bears.
I collect them.
It's a hobby.
I'm missing one from my collection.
Do you understand that? I don't know what you're talking about.
- Are you quite sure? - Yeah, I'm quite sure.
Good.
In that case, I can let you go.
Let me go? Yeah.
If you can't help me, you can't, no hard feelings.
I'll have you, mister, whoever you are - Steed, John Steed.
- Wrongful arrest.
You can get me here anytime or your lawyer.
I'd advise you to come in person.
I should think so.
Why should I? It's gonna be very hot for you.
Be hot enough for a picnic.
Ha ha.
Maybe even a teddy bear's picnic.
If you want to cool off, you come here.
Oh, Henry? - What? - Mind the bears don't get ya.
Man: The house known locally as Mantle's Holt has been leased for six months in the name of Barford-Heinz Associates.
(Steed yelps) Steady.
A full examination of the house has been made.
There was nothing relevant except a considerable number of units of electricity have been consumed over the last few days.
I'm not surprised.
No record of the name Barford-Heinz Associates exists.
Cash was paid for the lease, which expires in five and a half months.
There are numerous scuff marks in the dust, but no firm traces and no prints, but Let me try that one.
Excellent.
Excellent, excellent.
What had Henry to add to the subject of Mr.
Teddy Bear? Nothing much, but he'll be back.
That the best you could do? Well, look, we knew we couldn't hold him.
Anyway, he was scared.
I wonder who Henry's working for.
I don't know, probably somebody who wants to pay a little money on the side finding out who Mr.
Teddy Bear is.
Personally, I think it's like wrestling with alligators, but that's Henry's business.
As far as you're concerned, he's just bait.
- I wouldn't worry about Henry if I were you.
- No, you wouldn't.
- I've got far better bait than Henry.
- Oh? What do we know about Mr.
Teddy Bear? He's a murderously efficient technician.
- He spends money like water.
- Yeah, there's something more.
Yes, there is all this business with talking dolls and television cameras, Macabre sense of humor? No.
Vanity, that's his weakness.
If we can offer him a personal challenge, something that his vanity couldn't refuse, tempt him to come out in the open, then we're getting somewhere.
What had you in mind? Oh, yeah.
This.
A personal column advertisement? Well, it might work.
We got nothing to lose.
We got to prod him now.
Otherwise, he may get me and not show himself at all.
It would be a waste of good bait.
Yes, but this'll bring him out where we can see him.
Mr.
Teddy Bear: Good evening, Mr.
Steed.
I am glad you could come.
Don't do anything in a hurry, Mr.
Steed.
He was too eager to meet me, Mr.
Steed.
And besides, you caught him.
You seem to have found something, Mr.
Steed.
May I see? Ah, yes, an attractive stone, but quite worthless, I regret to say, to me, at any rate.
You aren't going, surely not without your hat.
That's right, Mr.
Steed.
Not that I blame you for trying, but my eyes, shall I say, are elsewhere.
Are you sure you aren't interested in why I accepted your challenge? - I think I know why.
- Do you? Did you know, for instance, that you have the distinction of being the first man I've been hired to kill twice over? Am I now? Once by the lady that gave me that piece of jewelry How touching.
And once by the man you took it off just now.
Of course, I won't disclose who he was working for, - but it is curious.
- Very curious.
I didn't realize I was so popular.
Oh, I'm afraid so, which is why I was curious enough to meet you before you die, which will be very shortly in passing.
Of course, let's regard this as something of a truce, shall we? Thank you.
Let's regard it as over.
As you wish, Mr.
Steed.
I'm sorry we couldn't have met under happier circumstances, but there it is.
Mind how you go, Mr.
Steed.
You are already a dead man! That's all you found? What sort of equipment? Yeah, sounds much the same as last time.
Oh, the dead man, his name's Oh, just a moment.
- What was his name? - Henry Farrow, sir.
He called himself Henry Farrow.
And nothing on Steed's car? Good.
Fine.
We got there about ten minutes after your call.
And found? A good deal of expensive television equipment, the dead body of Henry Farrow, nothing else.
I've had the squad go over your car, no booby traps.
I told you he was a gentleman.
Never lay a finger on a Rolls.
Hey, how about my coat and waistcoat, are they clean? - They're quite clean, sir.
- Nothing on radiography.
He'll be through with the others soon.
I hope that satisfies you.
You seem more than usually cautious.
Why? Oy vey, infernal assurance.
Can I have my cigarettes, George? - Cigarettes, sir.
- Thanks, old boy.
Not getting jumpy? - No.
- Well, I am.
Look, he's beginning to show himself.
That's the main thing.
Sooner or later, this obsessive sense of humor of his push him right over the edge.
Yes.
In the meantime, he's given us little or no information about himself.
He's taken a good look at you and Mrs.
Gale.
We waste our time going over your clothes and your car looking for booby traps.
If Wayne-Gilley had looked over his pills, he would've completed that television interview.
Mr.
Teddy Bear's specialty is death by gadgetry.
Now, there's a very strong point in favor of killing a man with a booby trap.
You don't have to be there when it goes off, so you can't lose.
If it misses, you just try again.
- Approach you seem to approve of.
- Eh? I'm talking about this.
Oh, yes.
I gather you don't approve.
I didn't say that, I'm merely curious about your motive.
Why did you put it in? I know how he feels.
He's been in this business long as you and I, hasn't he? Any other man, he would've shown himself by now.
Well, he hasn't.
All he's done so far is laugh.
Looks like a straight fight.
Him or me.
Thank you very much, George.
- All clear, sir.
- In other words, you're personally involved.
- Is that what you're saying? - Oh, well, I suppose so.
If you feel involved, your judgment's bad, and it'll get worse.
You understand? I have to take you out of the game.
- Yeah.
Yes, you're quite right.
- Go back to your flat, Stay there till this is all over.
If somebody stakes a shot at you, you can shout for help.
Otherwise, I suggest you read a good book.
- (chuckles) - Or something.
There's a man there now checking everything.
So far, he's found nothing out of the ordinary.
Oh, you'll find your cigarette lighter's missing.
That was one of the more obvious things we took.
It's in the lab now.
And they also used the big ear.
So if there is a bomb there, it's a more than usually cunning one.
So, you see, we're as cautious-minded as you are.
Yes.
And thank you very much for the dressing gown, George.
Welcome, sir.
- Is that the lot, sir? - Yeah.
Good night, sir.
- Ah, everything all right? - Nothin' there at all, sir, not unless there's a mine under the floorboards.
Oh, if you find anything yourself, let us know.
- We'll come and fix it up.
- Thanks, old boy.
I like your dog.
Good as gold.
Well, that's what you think.
My dear old girl.
What's the matter, eh? Didn't you like him? You got a friend, anyway.
(telephone rings) Hello.
Mr.
Teddy Bear: Good night, Mr.
Steed.
Sleep well.
(mail slot clicks, doorbell rings) (telephone rings) Mr.
Teddy Bear: Good morning, Mrs.
Gale.
I see the mail has just come.
Perhaps you'll open it.
Goods delivered as agreed.
Balance due £198,000.
I see.
How do you wish to be paid? I shall have to arrange it with my organization.
You will, won't you? I trust your organization will see fit to pay promptly.
I will take the balance not before this evening and not later than tomorrow night in industrial diamonds.
- Do you understand that? - Industrial diamonds? Where and how will you have them delivered? I will arrange for them to be collected.
My representative will call on you.
You will please follow his instructions.
- Very well.
- Thank you, Mrs.
Gale.
Man: Central answering service.
I'd like to leave a message, please (gasps) Why aren't you dead? Oh, looks as though I am.
Hey, that's a very good photo, isn't it? I had a passport photo taken once.
It made me look as though I had a perpetual hangover.
But that is very good.
What'd he want? £198,000 in industrial diamonds would do for a start.
Anything you say.
Be a good little girl.
Will put it in your little safe? Ah.
All right, what now? How are you gonna arrange the handover? He's collecting them or rather his representative.
I'm to get full instructions later.
Later? Didn't they tell you when? Between this evening and tomorrow night.
What appointments have you got? I'm supposed to go to a lecture at the institute this afternoon.
You better skip it.
There's a Paris conference.
That's not till next week.
Oh, Dr.
Howell.
Who's he? He's an expert on the Upper Nile.
Supposed to be coming to see some of my heads.
How many have you got? Oh, those.
But that's not till this evening.
- You know him by sight? - Oh, yes.
I'm always meeting him at conferences.
He lectures all over the world.
Everybody knows him.
- Anything else? - No, I don't think so.
All right, stay where you are.
If anyone tries to contact you, leave us a message in the usual way.
- We'll have you covered, okay? - What about you? I'm dead, remember? What you gonna do, count to a hundred and start again? Incidentally, what did happen to you? It was quite a bright idea.
I'll tell you sometime.
Oh, by the way, do you leave your bathroom window open deliberately? (door closes) I don't believe it.
It's too simple.
Be telling me next he wants the stuff left in the lost property at Victoria Station.
- Yeah, well, my information - I don't want to hear your information.
This has gone far enough.
You set about this man quite differently right from the start.
I think we should keep our sense of proportion.
Now listen, Steed.
Understand this go home.
Go home? That's the most dangerous place - Keep out of the way.
- What do you suggest? Try not to make too big a fool of yourself over the course of the next 24 hours.
We'll see what we can salvage out of this mess.
- I'll take the dog for a walk.
- (telephone rings) One Ten.
Yes? Tomorrow at 4:00, Royal Festival Hall.
Yes, of course we'll cover it.
We've got to.
(chuckles) I should say this one's all right.
Probably Benin.
Heh, it's a beauty.
Now, this one I'm not so sure.
What do you feel yourself? I brought that one back with me.
I'm not sure about it, either.
Don't worry, I haven't spent any money on it yet, - so it doesn't really matter.
- Oh, I think it does.
Take this one, for example.
The man who made it, is he alive or dead? If he's been dead long enough, perhaps it's worth several thousand pounds.
If this has been made recently, then it's worth nothing.
Why? You're an anthropologist.
Don't you find the question fascinating? The question of value? Yes.
Yes, I do.
Well, that's enough of that.
It's very kind of you to let me come and look at them.
Oh, it's been most interesting.
I'm afraid I've taken up too much of your time.
Must you go? Yes.
I've an early plane tomorrow.
You haven't been in London long, have you, Dr.
Howell? - Where are you staying? - The Voyagers Club, as usual.
You're quite right.
I never seem to remain in one place longer than a few days.
The penalty for the job I'm in, I suppose.
Heh heh.
Oh, yes, before I go, I have something for you.
Thank you.
No.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Oh, yes.
I believe you've something to give me, haven't you? My dear girl, what's the matter? - It can't be.
- What on earth is it? - Bad news? - Where did you get this? At the club, I was asked to deliver it to you and told you would have something to give me, a package of some sort, I think.
Seems quite straightforward.
May I see? Yes, it seems quite in order.
"Please give Dr.
Howell the box you've been keeping for me.
Apologies for being a day early.
Edward B.
" - Well, that's all right.
What's the matter? - Dr.
Howell Though I don't see why the black edge.
Looks like mourning or something.
Tell me clearly.
Who gave you this? Well, Bruin, of course.
Teddy Bruin at the club.
- You know him? - Yes, of course I do.
I play bridge with him.
He's a member, then, of the Voyagers? Yes.
Interesting man, too.
He's traveled all over the Far East.
You have a package, I suppose.
Oh, yes.
Yes, I've got one.
I'll get it for you.
- This is it? - That's it, Dr.
Howell.
- What are you gonna do with it? - I hadn't thought.
Is it valuable at all? - You might say so.
- Oh.
Tell me, what does this.
Mr.
Bruin at the club look like? I thought you said you knew him.
Yes, but tell me what you know about him.
Well, he's just an ordinary sort of chap, I suppose.
I'm sorry, are you in a hurry? My plane leaves early in the morning, and I've got to get back to the club and do a bit of packing.
Oh, and deliver this, too, of course.
- Right, but hold on a minute.
- What are you doing? I'm coming with you to meet Mr.
Bruin.
(telephone rings) Excuse me.
Hello? It's Steed here, Cathy.
Now listen 'cause I haven't got very much time.
You've got a package for a mutual friend.
Don't let him have it yet because I want it.
I'll explain when I see you.
Bring it yourself and come to Sorenso Imports.
You know where that is.
I'll see you there.
Sorenso, right.
Now listen, I've got somebody here with me.
What do you want me to do about him? I'm in a hurry.
Just do what you're told.
Goodbye.
Look, I have to go out, and I must take this with me.
- But, uh - You said you were in a hurry.
This is very sudden.
Ah, come in, come in.
Sit down.
Now it's late at night.
I know I must apologize for having to meet you under such peculiar circumstances, but there it is.
Those are the diamonds, I expect.
Good.
I'm glad you haven't surrounded the whole place with police.
That's not the way you work, is it? Oh, do sit down.
Of course, you've left some sort of emergency distress call behind you, but we aren't really going to be here long enough to be worried about that.
And Steed? The telephone call? (chuckles) Well, Mr.
Steed is dead, but this is his voice.
Interesting.
Yes.
What's interesting is that you think he's still alive.
Now, why is that, I wonder.
Yet you bring this package here on his instructions.
This seems to be rather a dirty game we've got ourselves into, doesn't it? Your game, not mine.
You mind if I am absolutely frank with you, Mrs.
Gale? I killed my first man when I was 16 years old.
There was no doubt about him.
He died, and he deserved to die.
The issues were clear.
These days, there is getting to be more and more doubt.
Which brings us to where we are now.
You must know why you are here.
To hear the story of your life, apparently.
I suspect you're going by the book, Mrs.
Gale.
Irritate your opponent, it says, and he'll give himself away.
Of course, you were the first one of my opponents around me as close as this.
I'm surprised.
You and Mr.
Steed.
And your organization, about which I am extremely curious.
But it's not altogether that.
What is it, then? This is the first time I've ever been faced with the need to kill a woman.
Then you've been lucky, haven't you? Oh, I suppose so.
And I shall do so if it becomes absolutely necessary.
But, uh, let's hope we can come to some other arrangement.
What had you in mind? Well, the position seems to be this I have these, and I have you.
You are, I expect, armed.
Of course.
I wouldn't dream of submitting you to the indignity of a search.
Mrs.
Gale, might I have your gun? You win, Mr.
Teddy Bear.
I believe it's called territorial advantage.
Now, I am going to retire.
You have forced it on me.
Not that I particularly mind.
I have to stop somewhere.
And I would like, if at all possible, to stop short of killing you.
So the issue is clear.
I leave, I take these, and I take you.
You will see, if you think a moment, that I have to.
I can see that clearly.
Good.
Now, I am going to the Mediterranean.
If you are agreeable, I could drop you off, uh, shall we say in the Aegean? This is assuming I cooperate.
If I don't you will suppress your distaste for killing women and drop me overboard in the Bay of Biscay? Oh, I'm afraid so.
I'm willing to retire, but not to commit suicide.
I see your point.
Supposing I say I agree and then shout for help at the earliest opportunity? You have a surprising faith in gentlemen's agreements, Mr.
Teddy Bear.
But perhaps you've noticed, I'm not a gentleman.
Oh, I have noticed with approval.
However, I should expect you to give evidence of good faith by, uh, taking one of these.
Nothing dangerous.
Just a rather strong sleeping tablet.
Then I shall be absolutely certain that you won't interfere for at least six hours.
Very well, I accept.
Good.
I had hope you wouldn't shout, "Death or glory.
" I would've been most inconvenient to have to shoot you here and now.
You're a young woman of considerable courage.
Quite apart from anything else.
And now Just to appease my curiosity.
I, uh would hate to travel 2,000 miles and end up with a couple dozen bars of soap.
You understand.
I have a natural caution.
Steed: I am the Demon King, Mr.
Teddy Bear.
- Mr.
Steed.
- Cathy.
I've got his gun.
Check it.
It's loaded.
Where are you, Mr.
Steed? I'm across the passageway.
I'm not a magician.
As you can hear, we haven't dismantled all your equipment.
We kept your intercom system going.
Mm, I congratulate you on still being alive.
It was a close thing.
I didn't know you had nerve gas in your armory.
Bit tricky to handle, particularly mixed with a blistering agent.
I have quite a nasty burn.
No real danger.
We met, you recall, uh in your flat just after your organization had carried out their rather efficient search.
So we did.
So we did.
You carry atropine, the antidote.
You're very well-prepared.
I don't actually carry it, but I have it around, you know.
Mm, and what now? We want to talk to Mr.
Teddy Bear, you understand.
We want to have a nice long chat with him.
What Mr.
Steed means, Mrs.
Gale, is that he prefers me alive.
- I can see his point.
- What do you want me to do? Move towards the door carefully.
Perhaps I can save you the trouble.
The door is locked.
I doubt if you can force it.
I need hardly say I don't propose to open it.
You hear that, Steed? - Yes.
- It's true.
I might also add that this room is meant to be fireproof, which means, amongst other things, its walls are steel-clad.
It's one of the reasons I chose it.
Unless Mr.
Steed has a blowtorch, I doubt he or anyone else can get in for several hours.
- Let's wait, then.
- Can you wait? Sooner or later, your attention will wander.
When it does, I shall jump you.
Are you quite sure when I do that, you can avoid killing me? I am at the end of the road, Mrs.
Gale.
I have nothing to lose.
But we have a great deal to win, Mr.
Teddy Bear.
I know.
I am sorry.
There, you see? In fact, can you keep that gun trained on me for more than an hour? I suppose you're too much of lady to shoot him now, in the kneecap, for instance.
As a matter of fact, I am.
So, Mr.
Teddy Bear, you're going to have to take one of those.
How long did you say it would keep me out of trouble? About six hours, wasn't it? I should think that would do it.
Well? My dear Mrs.
Gale.
Now.
And slowly.
- Now shall we go? - What do you mean? With your permission, I propose to open that door.
I can see no reason for staying here.
Oh, come now, Mrs.
Gale, If I were to disarm you, I could hardly go very far, could I? Why not? Only an animal fights to the death.
I have no wish to be carried out of here on a stretcher.
I prefer to walk.
Mr.
Steed.
Careful, Cathy.
I suggest we hurry, Mr.
Steed.
I feel rather tired.
Mrs.
Gale, it has been a pleasure to meet you.
I am sorry I had to lie to a lady.
(coughs and gasps) (jazz music playing) I brought my homework.
I thought you might find it interesting.
- Up you get, old girl.
- Not on the furniture.
All right.
I don't want to bore you with the whole lot.
I'll just read the end.
"Subject committed suicide while in my custody by means of poison.
" That should put you at the bottom of the class.
You should be caned in front of the class.
It was a very bright idea of Mr.
Teddy Bear's telling you it was a sleeping tablet.
It was really poison.
Yet it would appeal to you.
Touching faith in his word as a gentleman.
If I hadn't come along, you'd have drunk it all down.
- Like a good girl, wouldn't you? - I've already thanked you.
Well, you're welcome.
By the way, this might interest you.
It was in his pocket.
Go on, it won't bite you.
At least I don't think it will.
Oh.
That looks like a strongbox key.
What are you gonna do about it? Are you sure you don't want it? Oh, no, no.
It was addressed to you.
Ah.
I'll find the lock it fits, I suppose.
I hope it's sunny.
I need a holiday.
Come along, old girl.
Come on, old girl.
By the way, what's its name? Her? Freckles.
Come on, then, Freckles.
- Steed.
- Yeah, what? When you do find it, be careful how you open it, won't you? Yes.
(theme music playing)
Settle down now, studio.
Dead quiet, please.
(theme music playing) Good evening and welcome to "The Man and the Place.
" Tonight, we call on a man not of one but of many places.
His name is Colonel Vernon Wayne-Gilley, whose ninth book, "Go Anywhere," has been published.
Many of you will remember his previous books, which have been described by the reviewers as astringent mixtures of hard travel and hard politics.
And, of course, he's appeared many times on television, too.
And so tonight, Colonel Wayne-Gilley is back with us in our studio again, and he's gonna give us some of his views and also, we hope, tell us some of the fascinating stories that he's collected in a lifetime of crossing and recrossing the world.
Good evening, Colonel.
Well, now, Colonel, um, out of all the places, out of all the countries that you've visited, can you think of one that you'd prefer to remember than any of the others? Colonel? (grunting) Good morning, Gilmore, sorry to badger you again like this.
That's all right, Steed.
Nice to see you.
Well, we've got something for you.
- What is it? - I don't know whether you're gonna like this but fortunately, it's none of my business.
Tell me he has a heart attack, I'll leave you in peace.
I've only a general interest in him.
Now, I am intrigued.
It's not often a man falls dead in front of the television cameras.
The viewers got good value last night.
Better value than you think.
He was murdered.
You've made my day.
How'd he die? - He was poisoned.
- What with? Cyanide.
- Cyanide? - Go in there and take a deep breath.
- You can still smell the stuff.
- What sort of dose? Enough to kill a horse, couple of horses.
Ho ho.
Mm.
Were you watching last night? Me? You know my working hours.
Of course.
Well, I was watching.
The stuff was in his stomach, I suppose.
It was in his stomach.
I know what you're thinking.
Cyanide acts like that, so how could he take a fatal dose before he went on the air? - How? - Like this If I hadn't fished this out of his stomach myself, I would never have believed it.
Well, he was taking pills for some sort of allergy.
Yes.
He was certainly allergic to this one.
Now, we take that in half.
Now, that little chap there is a watch mechanism.
I don't know how you set it or wind it up yet, but that's what it is.
It's jeweled, too.
It's precision stuff.
And that was in Wayne-Gilley's stomach? Yes, in two halves.
I've put it together since.
There's a sort of spring mechanism which shoots the two halves apart.
And that was set to go off at 8:30 last night, the time that he appeared on the air.
I suppose so, yes.
- You've tested it for cyanide? - Of course I have.
Yeah, of course.
So he could've taken this instead of his own pills anytime during the day.
At half past eight, shoots enough cyanide into his stomach to knock out a regiment, thus murder.
And before goodness knows how many witnesses.
- Oh, there's another thing.
- What's that? How could Wayne-Gilley know, I mean, how could he know that he was gonna take one of this pills? That's your problem.
Hah.
I suppose it is.
It is quite a problem, too.
I don't care how non-committal you are.
That's the picture.
He died of heart failure.
All right, call it pulmonary embolism if you're talking to them.
What? No, Fortunately, we got one of our own men to do the PM, so that's all right, and we'll keep you in the picture, sir.
Now, how many of these things are there? 24, including the one he swallowed.
- And all fitted with this time mechanism.
- Every one.
It wouldn't have made any difference which one he'd taken.
It would have been the same.
They were all in pieces when we found the bottle.
They all came apart at half past eight last night? - That's right.
- Hmm.
Didn't care if we found them, did he? Well, he knew we'd find one at the post-mortem.
Couple of dozen more wouldn't matter.
Expensive, Steed.
Very expensive.
How much one of these little gadgets cost? £40, £50 if you had them made specially.
Swiss, I suppose.
£1,200, £1,500 the lot.
Biggish overheads.
Not really, not for him.
Him? What do you mean, him? You running to clairvoyance these days, Steed? No more than you.
I see you've got his file out already.
Hmm.
All right.
Let's have a look.
Olaf Pommeroy alias Jules Edouard Baer alias Edward Speerman? Yes, and several others we don't know about.
"Mr.
Teddy Bear.
" Hmm, "Mr.
Teddy Bear.
" Yes.
What do we know about him? Born well, that's a bit difficult.
- Sardinia.
- Maybe.
First we really know of him was with the Resistance, World War II, Greece and then Italy.
Yes, he'd started to specialize in executions even then.
Herr General Grantz.
He took off the Fuhrer a bit.
Used to bash the table when he made speeches.
He was addressing the loyal population of Talana, Italy, in May '43, grabbed hold of the microphone to emphasize a point or two, Unfortunately, the stem was cut, carrying a couple of thousand volts or so.
Herr General Freiber, gassed when opening his safe.
Mindel I remember him, he was the lad who liked souvenirs, wasn't he? He had an American hand grenade turned into a table lighter.
He picked it up one evening to light a cigar, found that someone had turned it back into a live grenade again.
After the war, nothing for five or six years.
Mr.
Teddy Bear.
What's his current price? According to all accounts, £100,000 per killing.
Whew.
For that, you get a nice, quiet practical joke or a public execution like last night's affair, according to taste.
'Course, Wayne-Gilley had it coming to him for a long time.
I'm not surprised.
He was a double agent for so many countries, I'm a wonder it didn't happen before.
Even double agents have their uses.
What about Mr.
Teddy Bear? What do you got in his personal file? I wonder what mischief that little fellow had been up to.
- That's not much use, is it? - Can't even get his height.
- Anything else? - He was in Rome 18 months ago.
Now he's here.
- Surely he would've left after last night.
- He didn't.
That we do know.
Also, unreliable sources say he's got another job to do here before he does leave.
- Really? - Yes, unfortunately, unreliable sources don't say who or what.
Anyway, Steed, get him.
That's as near an order as I can make it.
Be a pleasure to deal with a real professional again.
Hmm.
Well, let me know what you decide.
That's all.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'll let you know.
(door opens and closes) "Mr.
Teddy Bear.
" (Steed plays piano notes, hums "Blue Danube Waltz") But how do we get hold of him? Box number, telephone number? You don't call him, he calls you.
Mr.
Teddy Bear likes to work alone as much as possible.
Anyway, you want contact to be made somehow.
That's right and hire him to do another killing.
- Who? - Me, for instance.
(continues humming) Are you considered good enough bait? I don't see why not.
It's not my pedigree he wants, only money.
Bum bum bum Oh We put it around that you're in the market for hired assassins, so if you're ready, let's get started.
Thank heavens.
I thought we were in for a musical evening.
Come on, you've got homework to do.
You don't think we can let you hire Mr.
Teddy Bear on his own account, do you, much as you might like to? Oh, I thought it was just like calling a cab.
Who do you want me to represent? That is your homework, so get your boots on and let's get going.
We got a long evening.
After you.
After you, lady.
All right, George, set her up.
All set, John.
Fine.
That's Bridges, Jeffrey Bridges.
- He's your immediate superior.
- Let's see them.
I'm sorry.
Bridges again.
Height 5-foot-10.
Weight 170.
He's got a slight Welsh accent.
Listen.
He's a long way towards it, believe you me, boy, so don't give me all that talk about accurate information.
And another thing Now, he'll act as a cover for your story.
Listen again.
He's a long way towards it, believe you me, boy, so don't give me all that talk about accurate information.
And another thing All right, that's Bridges.
Who else? (snaps) Sliebermann.
Now, he's your Brussels contact.
Import/export, drugs, diamonds, women.
He looks a very unpleasant character.
He's actually Detective Sergeant Cook.
He's married, he's got three kids, lives at Staines.
It just shows you can't go by appearances.
- All right, Sliebermann, Brussels.
I've got it.
- Now, Sliebermann, as far as you're concerned, will arrange payment for the job.
- Before or after you're dead? - I can't say.
Seems to vary.
Normally, Mr.
Teddy Bear, he's like £20,000 in advance more or less to cover expenses, rest on delivery.
Very gentlemanly.
Hasn't anybody ever welshed on him? Yeah, there was one.
They dropped his body by helicopter right onto the Exhibition Square at the opening of the last.
Trade Festival at Zagreb, and it made a very nasty splash.
After that, as far as we know - All his clients have paid up like gentlemen.
- On you go.
Right through it.
I'm using my own name, age, and background up till two years ago when I became contact for a European syndicate known as the Silverfish, trading principally in watches and operating from Bern, Stuttgart, and Turin.
For the following 18 months, I handled transactions in cash to about £2 1/2 million, ending with an arms deal financed by Sliebermann in Brussels.
Visa and entry permit to correspond.
Right.
For the past four months, I've been in Britain to negotiate the murder of John Steed.
- Why? - Why? I don't know why.
It's not part of my business to know why.
Yeah, quite right.
Now remember another thing.
- If it's safely possible, tell the truth.
- Naturally.
Mr.
Teddy Bear has got an eye on you.
He must know you've met me several times the last few days.
But there's no harm in that.
Just admit it, you know.
All right.
Oh, and don't get any spectacular ideas.
If we thought could get Mr.
Teddy Bear when he first met you, we'd be behind you with a platoon of infantry, but he's a professional all the way up to the tips of his furry ears, so forget about concealing six-shooters in your stocking tops, baby-blue eyes.
I wonder if you're right.
If it wouldn't be better to make our grab now before he's had time to think.
No, it wouldn't.
Just do as I say.
There might not be a second chance.
There will.
There will.
If there isn't, it'll be your funeral, won't it? Heh.
All right, George, you go all over that again.
- Right, sir.
- Fine.
Man: Central answering service here.
For whom do you wish to leave a message? Mr.
Jeffrey Bridges, please.
Just a moment.
Will you please dictate your message? Will you tell him I have an appointment this evening? I have to go to place called Mantle's Holt near Barton.
Mantle's Holt.
That's all.
Who is speaking, please? Cathy.
Thank you.
Yeah, Mantle's Holt.
Yes, sir.
Looks like a large house from the map.
Hold on.
It's slap in the middle of a marsh.
The nearest village is Barton, and that should be 40 minutes by car.
Hey, tiger, I'm gonna be the king cat Aw, get on over, tiger I'm gonna be the king cat Well, now don't you grab your buddy tonight He don't like it like that 20 cigarettes, please.
This is Barton, isn't it? That's right, love.
I'm looking for a place called Mantle's Holt.
Do you know where it is? Left it a bit late, haven't ya? Hardly be able to see your feet this time of night out there.
- (register dings) - Been empty for years.
Yes, I know.
I'm from the Preservation Society.
I'm supposed to have a look at it, only I lost my way.
Shouldn't have thought it was worth preserving.
Still, out the door, turn left.
Seven mile up the hill, you'll see the drive.
- In a car? - Yes.
- Mind how you go, then.
- Right.
Thank you.
(song continues) Yes, sir.
What can I do for you? - I'll have a cup of tea.
- Cup of tea.
Right.
Aw, get on over, tiger I'm gonna be the top dog (car door closes, engine starts) (engine sputters) Man over intercom: Sit down.
Over there.
I hope I did not startle you, Mrs.
Gale.
You must forgive my sense of humor.
It sometimes runs away with me.
- Where are you? - Here, right here.
Oh, you cannot see me, but I see you.
Look upwards and a little to your left.
Will you have a cigarette? No, thank you.
No? Very well.
Let us get down to business.
Oh, I do beg you not to be nervous.
I find it distressing to talk to nervous clients, particularly when they are as charming as yourself.
- Thank you.
- Oh, that's better.
Now, I have examined your credentials and find them satisfactory in every respect.
I understand you want John Steed dead.
That's right.
You have no personal motive? None whatever.
I must ask because I see you have contacted Steed - a good deal in the last month.
- Quite true.
We've been trying to reach an agreement with him.
But you have failed, and so you want him dead.
- Yes.
- Publicly or privately? It's of no importance.
What is the charge for your services? 200,000.
That's high.
I was given to understand As it is Mr.
Steed, my price is higher than normal on that account Cathy: I see.
How do you wish to be paid? In diamonds, please, on proof of death, of course.
I shall require an advance of payment now.
How much? If you would remove the pendant you're wearing and place it on the desk in front of you, that will be admirable.
I'm sure you'll wish to get back to London as soon as possible, so I will keep you no longer.
May I say it's been a pleasure to do business with you, Mrs.
Gale? Mrs.
Gale! Yes? You will see me again, not like this, of course, but you will see me in about five days.
I hope you will have the rest of my payment ready.
Of course.
Then good night.
(door closes) Man: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
Nearer? No.
That's slightly speeded with a good deal of compression.
(changed pitch) The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
The quick brown fox jumps over Nearer, but not quite right.
We could try clipping it up a little tighter.
It's difficult to recognize any accent through all that, even assuming there was one in the first place.
I don't think there was.
It was all rather grotesque.
It took me a minute or two to realize that it was him talking through the doll.
He didn't mention anything about any advance payment? No, he just took my diamond pendant.
Tsk tsk.
Diamond.
What it comes to this then You saw no one.
He probably wasn't even in the same building.
He spoke to you through a teddy bear doll.
He inspected you through a closed-circuit television link.
Wasn't his true voice because you presume he fed through a racket like that.
You brought back a cigarette case which may or may not have prints on it, which in turn may or may not be his.
You, of course, would've done a good deal better.
Probably, but there's always Henry.
The man on the motorbike.
You've got him? I've got him at my flat.
I'm gonna have a word with him.
(telephone rings) Hello, hello.
Oh, yes.
Fingerprints.
Huh? Yes.
I see.
Well, come on.
There were prints all over it, in fact.
Well, any help? The prints, according to what the lab call a first estimate, appear to be those of an adult chimpanzee.
(laughs) Here you are, Henry.
Come on now.
We can get closer than that.
Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't have to talk to you.
Of course you don't, Henry.
I just went for a nice ride in the country, that's all.
You like the feel of the wind on your face, eh? That's right, so take All right, that's enough.
We all have our own idea of fun.
I see from this you only just got that license for that great big bike of yours.
I hope you got your "L" plates up.
Oh, get lost.
Aren't you a bit old for doing the town? I see here it says you've been driving trucks for years, but I suppose it's too difficult to follow anyone in a truck.
Follow anyone? Don't be daft.
You had a bit of engine trouble.
You lost your ignition lead, eh? Ought to be careful how you turn that engine of yours over.
- You might rupture yourself.
- How'd you know about that? Motorcycling's your hobby.
Knowing things is mine.
I know several people would like to talk to you Only they can't be bothered Hey, you're molting, aren't you, old girl? About drugs, immoral earnings, and I should think breaking and entering and carrying an offensive weapon.
I don't mean your motorbike.
Plus, I don't think anyone really wants to be bothered talking to you about that, so why don't we just talk about one thing? And that is teddy bears.
Wait a minute.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about teddy bears.
I collect them.
It's a hobby.
I'm missing one from my collection.
Do you understand that? I don't know what you're talking about.
- Are you quite sure? - Yeah, I'm quite sure.
Good.
In that case, I can let you go.
Let me go? Yeah.
If you can't help me, you can't, no hard feelings.
I'll have you, mister, whoever you are - Steed, John Steed.
- Wrongful arrest.
You can get me here anytime or your lawyer.
I'd advise you to come in person.
I should think so.
Why should I? It's gonna be very hot for you.
Be hot enough for a picnic.
Ha ha.
Maybe even a teddy bear's picnic.
If you want to cool off, you come here.
Oh, Henry? - What? - Mind the bears don't get ya.
Man: The house known locally as Mantle's Holt has been leased for six months in the name of Barford-Heinz Associates.
(Steed yelps) Steady.
A full examination of the house has been made.
There was nothing relevant except a considerable number of units of electricity have been consumed over the last few days.
I'm not surprised.
No record of the name Barford-Heinz Associates exists.
Cash was paid for the lease, which expires in five and a half months.
There are numerous scuff marks in the dust, but no firm traces and no prints, but Let me try that one.
Excellent.
Excellent, excellent.
What had Henry to add to the subject of Mr.
Teddy Bear? Nothing much, but he'll be back.
That the best you could do? Well, look, we knew we couldn't hold him.
Anyway, he was scared.
I wonder who Henry's working for.
I don't know, probably somebody who wants to pay a little money on the side finding out who Mr.
Teddy Bear is.
Personally, I think it's like wrestling with alligators, but that's Henry's business.
As far as you're concerned, he's just bait.
- I wouldn't worry about Henry if I were you.
- No, you wouldn't.
- I've got far better bait than Henry.
- Oh? What do we know about Mr.
Teddy Bear? He's a murderously efficient technician.
- He spends money like water.
- Yeah, there's something more.
Yes, there is all this business with talking dolls and television cameras, Macabre sense of humor? No.
Vanity, that's his weakness.
If we can offer him a personal challenge, something that his vanity couldn't refuse, tempt him to come out in the open, then we're getting somewhere.
What had you in mind? Oh, yeah.
This.
A personal column advertisement? Well, it might work.
We got nothing to lose.
We got to prod him now.
Otherwise, he may get me and not show himself at all.
It would be a waste of good bait.
Yes, but this'll bring him out where we can see him.
Mr.
Teddy Bear: Good evening, Mr.
Steed.
I am glad you could come.
Don't do anything in a hurry, Mr.
Steed.
He was too eager to meet me, Mr.
Steed.
And besides, you caught him.
You seem to have found something, Mr.
Steed.
May I see? Ah, yes, an attractive stone, but quite worthless, I regret to say, to me, at any rate.
You aren't going, surely not without your hat.
That's right, Mr.
Steed.
Not that I blame you for trying, but my eyes, shall I say, are elsewhere.
Are you sure you aren't interested in why I accepted your challenge? - I think I know why.
- Do you? Did you know, for instance, that you have the distinction of being the first man I've been hired to kill twice over? Am I now? Once by the lady that gave me that piece of jewelry How touching.
And once by the man you took it off just now.
Of course, I won't disclose who he was working for, - but it is curious.
- Very curious.
I didn't realize I was so popular.
Oh, I'm afraid so, which is why I was curious enough to meet you before you die, which will be very shortly in passing.
Of course, let's regard this as something of a truce, shall we? Thank you.
Let's regard it as over.
As you wish, Mr.
Steed.
I'm sorry we couldn't have met under happier circumstances, but there it is.
Mind how you go, Mr.
Steed.
You are already a dead man! That's all you found? What sort of equipment? Yeah, sounds much the same as last time.
Oh, the dead man, his name's Oh, just a moment.
- What was his name? - Henry Farrow, sir.
He called himself Henry Farrow.
And nothing on Steed's car? Good.
Fine.
We got there about ten minutes after your call.
And found? A good deal of expensive television equipment, the dead body of Henry Farrow, nothing else.
I've had the squad go over your car, no booby traps.
I told you he was a gentleman.
Never lay a finger on a Rolls.
Hey, how about my coat and waistcoat, are they clean? - They're quite clean, sir.
- Nothing on radiography.
He'll be through with the others soon.
I hope that satisfies you.
You seem more than usually cautious.
Why? Oy vey, infernal assurance.
Can I have my cigarettes, George? - Cigarettes, sir.
- Thanks, old boy.
Not getting jumpy? - No.
- Well, I am.
Look, he's beginning to show himself.
That's the main thing.
Sooner or later, this obsessive sense of humor of his push him right over the edge.
Yes.
In the meantime, he's given us little or no information about himself.
He's taken a good look at you and Mrs.
Gale.
We waste our time going over your clothes and your car looking for booby traps.
If Wayne-Gilley had looked over his pills, he would've completed that television interview.
Mr.
Teddy Bear's specialty is death by gadgetry.
Now, there's a very strong point in favor of killing a man with a booby trap.
You don't have to be there when it goes off, so you can't lose.
If it misses, you just try again.
- Approach you seem to approve of.
- Eh? I'm talking about this.
Oh, yes.
I gather you don't approve.
I didn't say that, I'm merely curious about your motive.
Why did you put it in? I know how he feels.
He's been in this business long as you and I, hasn't he? Any other man, he would've shown himself by now.
Well, he hasn't.
All he's done so far is laugh.
Looks like a straight fight.
Him or me.
Thank you very much, George.
- All clear, sir.
- In other words, you're personally involved.
- Is that what you're saying? - Oh, well, I suppose so.
If you feel involved, your judgment's bad, and it'll get worse.
You understand? I have to take you out of the game.
- Yeah.
Yes, you're quite right.
- Go back to your flat, Stay there till this is all over.
If somebody stakes a shot at you, you can shout for help.
Otherwise, I suggest you read a good book.
- (chuckles) - Or something.
There's a man there now checking everything.
So far, he's found nothing out of the ordinary.
Oh, you'll find your cigarette lighter's missing.
That was one of the more obvious things we took.
It's in the lab now.
And they also used the big ear.
So if there is a bomb there, it's a more than usually cunning one.
So, you see, we're as cautious-minded as you are.
Yes.
And thank you very much for the dressing gown, George.
Welcome, sir.
- Is that the lot, sir? - Yeah.
Good night, sir.
- Ah, everything all right? - Nothin' there at all, sir, not unless there's a mine under the floorboards.
Oh, if you find anything yourself, let us know.
- We'll come and fix it up.
- Thanks, old boy.
I like your dog.
Good as gold.
Well, that's what you think.
My dear old girl.
What's the matter, eh? Didn't you like him? You got a friend, anyway.
(telephone rings) Hello.
Mr.
Teddy Bear: Good night, Mr.
Steed.
Sleep well.
(mail slot clicks, doorbell rings) (telephone rings) Mr.
Teddy Bear: Good morning, Mrs.
Gale.
I see the mail has just come.
Perhaps you'll open it.
Goods delivered as agreed.
Balance due £198,000.
I see.
How do you wish to be paid? I shall have to arrange it with my organization.
You will, won't you? I trust your organization will see fit to pay promptly.
I will take the balance not before this evening and not later than tomorrow night in industrial diamonds.
- Do you understand that? - Industrial diamonds? Where and how will you have them delivered? I will arrange for them to be collected.
My representative will call on you.
You will please follow his instructions.
- Very well.
- Thank you, Mrs.
Gale.
Man: Central answering service.
I'd like to leave a message, please (gasps) Why aren't you dead? Oh, looks as though I am.
Hey, that's a very good photo, isn't it? I had a passport photo taken once.
It made me look as though I had a perpetual hangover.
But that is very good.
What'd he want? £198,000 in industrial diamonds would do for a start.
Anything you say.
Be a good little girl.
Will put it in your little safe? Ah.
All right, what now? How are you gonna arrange the handover? He's collecting them or rather his representative.
I'm to get full instructions later.
Later? Didn't they tell you when? Between this evening and tomorrow night.
What appointments have you got? I'm supposed to go to a lecture at the institute this afternoon.
You better skip it.
There's a Paris conference.
That's not till next week.
Oh, Dr.
Howell.
Who's he? He's an expert on the Upper Nile.
Supposed to be coming to see some of my heads.
How many have you got? Oh, those.
But that's not till this evening.
- You know him by sight? - Oh, yes.
I'm always meeting him at conferences.
He lectures all over the world.
Everybody knows him.
- Anything else? - No, I don't think so.
All right, stay where you are.
If anyone tries to contact you, leave us a message in the usual way.
- We'll have you covered, okay? - What about you? I'm dead, remember? What you gonna do, count to a hundred and start again? Incidentally, what did happen to you? It was quite a bright idea.
I'll tell you sometime.
Oh, by the way, do you leave your bathroom window open deliberately? (door closes) I don't believe it.
It's too simple.
Be telling me next he wants the stuff left in the lost property at Victoria Station.
- Yeah, well, my information - I don't want to hear your information.
This has gone far enough.
You set about this man quite differently right from the start.
I think we should keep our sense of proportion.
Now listen, Steed.
Understand this go home.
Go home? That's the most dangerous place - Keep out of the way.
- What do you suggest? Try not to make too big a fool of yourself over the course of the next 24 hours.
We'll see what we can salvage out of this mess.
- I'll take the dog for a walk.
- (telephone rings) One Ten.
Yes? Tomorrow at 4:00, Royal Festival Hall.
Yes, of course we'll cover it.
We've got to.
(chuckles) I should say this one's all right.
Probably Benin.
Heh, it's a beauty.
Now, this one I'm not so sure.
What do you feel yourself? I brought that one back with me.
I'm not sure about it, either.
Don't worry, I haven't spent any money on it yet, - so it doesn't really matter.
- Oh, I think it does.
Take this one, for example.
The man who made it, is he alive or dead? If he's been dead long enough, perhaps it's worth several thousand pounds.
If this has been made recently, then it's worth nothing.
Why? You're an anthropologist.
Don't you find the question fascinating? The question of value? Yes.
Yes, I do.
Well, that's enough of that.
It's very kind of you to let me come and look at them.
Oh, it's been most interesting.
I'm afraid I've taken up too much of your time.
Must you go? Yes.
I've an early plane tomorrow.
You haven't been in London long, have you, Dr.
Howell? - Where are you staying? - The Voyagers Club, as usual.
You're quite right.
I never seem to remain in one place longer than a few days.
The penalty for the job I'm in, I suppose.
Heh heh.
Oh, yes, before I go, I have something for you.
Thank you.
No.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Oh, yes.
I believe you've something to give me, haven't you? My dear girl, what's the matter? - It can't be.
- What on earth is it? - Bad news? - Where did you get this? At the club, I was asked to deliver it to you and told you would have something to give me, a package of some sort, I think.
Seems quite straightforward.
May I see? Yes, it seems quite in order.
"Please give Dr.
Howell the box you've been keeping for me.
Apologies for being a day early.
Edward B.
" - Well, that's all right.
What's the matter? - Dr.
Howell Though I don't see why the black edge.
Looks like mourning or something.
Tell me clearly.
Who gave you this? Well, Bruin, of course.
Teddy Bruin at the club.
- You know him? - Yes, of course I do.
I play bridge with him.
He's a member, then, of the Voyagers? Yes.
Interesting man, too.
He's traveled all over the Far East.
You have a package, I suppose.
Oh, yes.
Yes, I've got one.
I'll get it for you.
- This is it? - That's it, Dr.
Howell.
- What are you gonna do with it? - I hadn't thought.
Is it valuable at all? - You might say so.
- Oh.
Tell me, what does this.
Mr.
Bruin at the club look like? I thought you said you knew him.
Yes, but tell me what you know about him.
Well, he's just an ordinary sort of chap, I suppose.
I'm sorry, are you in a hurry? My plane leaves early in the morning, and I've got to get back to the club and do a bit of packing.
Oh, and deliver this, too, of course.
- Right, but hold on a minute.
- What are you doing? I'm coming with you to meet Mr.
Bruin.
(telephone rings) Excuse me.
Hello? It's Steed here, Cathy.
Now listen 'cause I haven't got very much time.
You've got a package for a mutual friend.
Don't let him have it yet because I want it.
I'll explain when I see you.
Bring it yourself and come to Sorenso Imports.
You know where that is.
I'll see you there.
Sorenso, right.
Now listen, I've got somebody here with me.
What do you want me to do about him? I'm in a hurry.
Just do what you're told.
Goodbye.
Look, I have to go out, and I must take this with me.
- But, uh - You said you were in a hurry.
This is very sudden.
Ah, come in, come in.
Sit down.
Now it's late at night.
I know I must apologize for having to meet you under such peculiar circumstances, but there it is.
Those are the diamonds, I expect.
Good.
I'm glad you haven't surrounded the whole place with police.
That's not the way you work, is it? Oh, do sit down.
Of course, you've left some sort of emergency distress call behind you, but we aren't really going to be here long enough to be worried about that.
And Steed? The telephone call? (chuckles) Well, Mr.
Steed is dead, but this is his voice.
Interesting.
Yes.
What's interesting is that you think he's still alive.
Now, why is that, I wonder.
Yet you bring this package here on his instructions.
This seems to be rather a dirty game we've got ourselves into, doesn't it? Your game, not mine.
You mind if I am absolutely frank with you, Mrs.
Gale? I killed my first man when I was 16 years old.
There was no doubt about him.
He died, and he deserved to die.
The issues were clear.
These days, there is getting to be more and more doubt.
Which brings us to where we are now.
You must know why you are here.
To hear the story of your life, apparently.
I suspect you're going by the book, Mrs.
Gale.
Irritate your opponent, it says, and he'll give himself away.
Of course, you were the first one of my opponents around me as close as this.
I'm surprised.
You and Mr.
Steed.
And your organization, about which I am extremely curious.
But it's not altogether that.
What is it, then? This is the first time I've ever been faced with the need to kill a woman.
Then you've been lucky, haven't you? Oh, I suppose so.
And I shall do so if it becomes absolutely necessary.
But, uh, let's hope we can come to some other arrangement.
What had you in mind? Well, the position seems to be this I have these, and I have you.
You are, I expect, armed.
Of course.
I wouldn't dream of submitting you to the indignity of a search.
Mrs.
Gale, might I have your gun? You win, Mr.
Teddy Bear.
I believe it's called territorial advantage.
Now, I am going to retire.
You have forced it on me.
Not that I particularly mind.
I have to stop somewhere.
And I would like, if at all possible, to stop short of killing you.
So the issue is clear.
I leave, I take these, and I take you.
You will see, if you think a moment, that I have to.
I can see that clearly.
Good.
Now, I am going to the Mediterranean.
If you are agreeable, I could drop you off, uh, shall we say in the Aegean? This is assuming I cooperate.
If I don't you will suppress your distaste for killing women and drop me overboard in the Bay of Biscay? Oh, I'm afraid so.
I'm willing to retire, but not to commit suicide.
I see your point.
Supposing I say I agree and then shout for help at the earliest opportunity? You have a surprising faith in gentlemen's agreements, Mr.
Teddy Bear.
But perhaps you've noticed, I'm not a gentleman.
Oh, I have noticed with approval.
However, I should expect you to give evidence of good faith by, uh, taking one of these.
Nothing dangerous.
Just a rather strong sleeping tablet.
Then I shall be absolutely certain that you won't interfere for at least six hours.
Very well, I accept.
Good.
I had hope you wouldn't shout, "Death or glory.
" I would've been most inconvenient to have to shoot you here and now.
You're a young woman of considerable courage.
Quite apart from anything else.
And now Just to appease my curiosity.
I, uh would hate to travel 2,000 miles and end up with a couple dozen bars of soap.
You understand.
I have a natural caution.
Steed: I am the Demon King, Mr.
Teddy Bear.
- Mr.
Steed.
- Cathy.
I've got his gun.
Check it.
It's loaded.
Where are you, Mr.
Steed? I'm across the passageway.
I'm not a magician.
As you can hear, we haven't dismantled all your equipment.
We kept your intercom system going.
Mm, I congratulate you on still being alive.
It was a close thing.
I didn't know you had nerve gas in your armory.
Bit tricky to handle, particularly mixed with a blistering agent.
I have quite a nasty burn.
No real danger.
We met, you recall, uh in your flat just after your organization had carried out their rather efficient search.
So we did.
So we did.
You carry atropine, the antidote.
You're very well-prepared.
I don't actually carry it, but I have it around, you know.
Mm, and what now? We want to talk to Mr.
Teddy Bear, you understand.
We want to have a nice long chat with him.
What Mr.
Steed means, Mrs.
Gale, is that he prefers me alive.
- I can see his point.
- What do you want me to do? Move towards the door carefully.
Perhaps I can save you the trouble.
The door is locked.
I doubt if you can force it.
I need hardly say I don't propose to open it.
You hear that, Steed? - Yes.
- It's true.
I might also add that this room is meant to be fireproof, which means, amongst other things, its walls are steel-clad.
It's one of the reasons I chose it.
Unless Mr.
Steed has a blowtorch, I doubt he or anyone else can get in for several hours.
- Let's wait, then.
- Can you wait? Sooner or later, your attention will wander.
When it does, I shall jump you.
Are you quite sure when I do that, you can avoid killing me? I am at the end of the road, Mrs.
Gale.
I have nothing to lose.
But we have a great deal to win, Mr.
Teddy Bear.
I know.
I am sorry.
There, you see? In fact, can you keep that gun trained on me for more than an hour? I suppose you're too much of lady to shoot him now, in the kneecap, for instance.
As a matter of fact, I am.
So, Mr.
Teddy Bear, you're going to have to take one of those.
How long did you say it would keep me out of trouble? About six hours, wasn't it? I should think that would do it.
Well? My dear Mrs.
Gale.
Now.
And slowly.
- Now shall we go? - What do you mean? With your permission, I propose to open that door.
I can see no reason for staying here.
Oh, come now, Mrs.
Gale, If I were to disarm you, I could hardly go very far, could I? Why not? Only an animal fights to the death.
I have no wish to be carried out of here on a stretcher.
I prefer to walk.
Mr.
Steed.
Careful, Cathy.
I suggest we hurry, Mr.
Steed.
I feel rather tired.
Mrs.
Gale, it has been a pleasure to meet you.
I am sorry I had to lie to a lady.
(coughs and gasps) (jazz music playing) I brought my homework.
I thought you might find it interesting.
- Up you get, old girl.
- Not on the furniture.
All right.
I don't want to bore you with the whole lot.
I'll just read the end.
"Subject committed suicide while in my custody by means of poison.
" That should put you at the bottom of the class.
You should be caned in front of the class.
It was a very bright idea of Mr.
Teddy Bear's telling you it was a sleeping tablet.
It was really poison.
Yet it would appeal to you.
Touching faith in his word as a gentleman.
If I hadn't come along, you'd have drunk it all down.
- Like a good girl, wouldn't you? - I've already thanked you.
Well, you're welcome.
By the way, this might interest you.
It was in his pocket.
Go on, it won't bite you.
At least I don't think it will.
Oh.
That looks like a strongbox key.
What are you gonna do about it? Are you sure you don't want it? Oh, no, no.
It was addressed to you.
Ah.
I'll find the lock it fits, I suppose.
I hope it's sunny.
I need a holiday.
Come along, old girl.
Come on, old girl.
By the way, what's its name? Her? Freckles.
Come on, then, Freckles.
- Steed.
- Yeah, what? When you do find it, be careful how you open it, won't you? Yes.
(theme music playing)