The Guild (2007) s02e01 Episode Script
Link the Loot
No! Do not unpack my underwear! I will do it, Zaboo! Not being pervy, just doing inventory! Who knew? Somehow "you break it, you bought it" applies to humans, too.
Zaboo's still here.
Which ironically came in handy today with all the moving stuff.
Yeah, turns out his mom is a real-estate lawyer with a grudge, so she got me evicted.
Yeah, it's been a great weekend.
What am I supposed to do? He has nowhere to go.
He's got no money, and, bottom line, the Guild needs him for raid DPS.
Worst loot ever.
Ow! Once upon a time, the baby little chicken went to his Mommy and said, "Mommy"His shields are down! Nuke his face off! And, uh, well, the mom, she said, "Cluck, cluck"cluck, I'm dying! Bladezz, get your stupid character off me! Fight somewhere else! Dude, you need to use Mass Healing Prayer instead of spot-healing us like that.
Obvious'd.
Zaboo, I told you to play in the kitchen! I can't! I'm cooking brisket in there! How does that prevent you from playing in there? It reeks of brisket, so it's hard to focus.
Codex! Zaboo! You're letting this illicit cohabitation affect your combat performance! Take him down! I'm about to ruin 72 cents' worth of tater tots! We are not living together! I just moved, and he accompanied me! Smiting! Boom! Kill shot! 4k Crit! Measure your peen later.
Link the loot, Vork.
Let's go.
Tink, your face is so sweet, and your tongue is so sour.
You know, I got some pork you can spread that sauce on Bladezz! Here's the loot Holy guacamole! Oh, my God! It's the Orb of Nurr! Yes! Yes! Now this just got interesting.
That's the orb that starts the new quest line, right? Uh-huh! And once you activate it, the orb lets you change your hairstyle and hair color anytime! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! There's a 3% drop rate.
Just a vanity item, though.
Hell, yeah, it is! And I want it! I'm with Zaboo on this one.
I'm saving up for an item that won't shrivel my scrotum.
You guys, I can't bid.
I spent all my points last week on my new staff.
You mean Zaboo? I'll get an orb for you! I'll play all night if I have to! Adorb'd.
That's nice, but why don't you get online and find a job? Or a place to live, not here? Well, I did go online.
I found us a new couch.
It's really comfortable.
God, you're moody! I bet you're ovulating right now.
Taking bids on the Orb of Nurr! Okay! I'm gonna do pink ponytails first Wait, wait! I gotta see how many points I have left! Honey? Honey? Sorry to bother you, sweetie, but what should I be packing for the trip? - What? - You know, the trip? To Vermont? Tomorrow? - Your sister's wedding? - The wedding right trip.
Um, you know, just whatever we usually pack, like, uh, stuff to feed them, stuff to wipe up poop, toys TINK: That orb is mine, Clara! Watch it, girlie, or I'll cut your pretty little face! Yup.
You're totally ovulating right now.
Actually you're really fertile like the banks of the Ganges River.
- You laminated my cycle? - Kinko'd.
Look, bottom line, for the price of rent, I could get a T1 line installed for us to use, together.
No.
We are not together! How many times do I have to tell you? Wait.
AT1 line? Where are those bids? I have my policies! 30 seconds! I mean, this is, you know, this is serious, guys.
Wait! I had my points on a blue Post-It! Damn it! Honey, do you want me to help you find something? No! AT1 line? Yeah.
Fiber optic cables.
1.
544 megabits per second.
AT1.
That's so fast.
99.
8% uptime.
We could download every unicorn movie ever made in approximately 2.
8 minutes, maybe 2.
6.
No, no! Just no!
Zaboo's still here.
Which ironically came in handy today with all the moving stuff.
Yeah, turns out his mom is a real-estate lawyer with a grudge, so she got me evicted.
Yeah, it's been a great weekend.
What am I supposed to do? He has nowhere to go.
He's got no money, and, bottom line, the Guild needs him for raid DPS.
Worst loot ever.
Ow! Once upon a time, the baby little chicken went to his Mommy and said, "Mommy"His shields are down! Nuke his face off! And, uh, well, the mom, she said, "Cluck, cluck"cluck, I'm dying! Bladezz, get your stupid character off me! Fight somewhere else! Dude, you need to use Mass Healing Prayer instead of spot-healing us like that.
Obvious'd.
Zaboo, I told you to play in the kitchen! I can't! I'm cooking brisket in there! How does that prevent you from playing in there? It reeks of brisket, so it's hard to focus.
Codex! Zaboo! You're letting this illicit cohabitation affect your combat performance! Take him down! I'm about to ruin 72 cents' worth of tater tots! We are not living together! I just moved, and he accompanied me! Smiting! Boom! Kill shot! 4k Crit! Measure your peen later.
Link the loot, Vork.
Let's go.
Tink, your face is so sweet, and your tongue is so sour.
You know, I got some pork you can spread that sauce on Bladezz! Here's the loot Holy guacamole! Oh, my God! It's the Orb of Nurr! Yes! Yes! Now this just got interesting.
That's the orb that starts the new quest line, right? Uh-huh! And once you activate it, the orb lets you change your hairstyle and hair color anytime! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! There's a 3% drop rate.
Just a vanity item, though.
Hell, yeah, it is! And I want it! I'm with Zaboo on this one.
I'm saving up for an item that won't shrivel my scrotum.
You guys, I can't bid.
I spent all my points last week on my new staff.
You mean Zaboo? I'll get an orb for you! I'll play all night if I have to! Adorb'd.
That's nice, but why don't you get online and find a job? Or a place to live, not here? Well, I did go online.
I found us a new couch.
It's really comfortable.
God, you're moody! I bet you're ovulating right now.
Taking bids on the Orb of Nurr! Okay! I'm gonna do pink ponytails first Wait, wait! I gotta see how many points I have left! Honey? Honey? Sorry to bother you, sweetie, but what should I be packing for the trip? - What? - You know, the trip? To Vermont? Tomorrow? - Your sister's wedding? - The wedding right trip.
Um, you know, just whatever we usually pack, like, uh, stuff to feed them, stuff to wipe up poop, toys TINK: That orb is mine, Clara! Watch it, girlie, or I'll cut your pretty little face! Yup.
You're totally ovulating right now.
Actually you're really fertile like the banks of the Ganges River.
- You laminated my cycle? - Kinko'd.
Look, bottom line, for the price of rent, I could get a T1 line installed for us to use, together.
No.
We are not together! How many times do I have to tell you? Wait.
AT1 line? Where are those bids? I have my policies! 30 seconds! I mean, this is, you know, this is serious, guys.
Wait! I had my points on a blue Post-It! Damn it! Honey, do you want me to help you find something? No! AT1 line? Yeah.
Fiber optic cables.
1.
544 megabits per second.
AT1.
That's so fast.
99.
8% uptime.
We could download every unicorn movie ever made in approximately 2.
8 minutes, maybe 2.
6.
No, no! Just no!