The O.C. (2003) s02e01 Episode Script
The Distance
Last season on The O.
C.
:|Theresa's pregnant.
- You don't have to leave.
|- Then come with me.
I'm leaving.
Can't let Theresa do this by herself.
Oh, my God.
It's a palace! Look, you're getting what you wanted|I'm moving in with you.
- Going somewhere?|- Like, say, San Quentin.
- Thank you.
|- Could we convince you to stay? He's the first real friend I've ever had.
|The only real friend I've ever had.
I understand why you have to do this,|but I wish you didn't have to.
Before he got here, I was the biggest loser.
|This place was hell for me.
I can't even imagine what it's going|to be like here without him.
So, we've knocked down the|retaining wall to allow for more flow.
Great, now, when do you think|we will have achieved flow? When do you think we'll be done|tearing your house apart? Well, my house is torn apart and|construction's got nothing to do with it.
Ballpark, Archie, ballpark.
It's September now.
I'd say two weeks.
|A month, tops.
- Six weeks.
|- Well, in the meantime In the meantime, could you please try to|convince the fellas here to wear something in a shirt? My neighbors have started to|refer to my home as The Man Hole.
- Too, uh, Village People?|- Exactly.
- I'll talk to my guys.
|- Hey, Archie Sandy.
Oh, and don't ever get married, and if you do, don't ever have kids.
Well, good news.
Archie thinks the|remodel should be done anytime between now and, well, he didn't say never, but there was subtext.
|I'd love some coffee.
Thank you.
Boy, am I excited to head into court for day one of this riveting nuisance lawsuit, where one yacht owner feels that this other yacht owner|is in violation of the noise ordinance at Crystal Cove.
Butterscotch duck in El Paso, lampshade,|truck stop, stethoscope I know you're doing that thing|where you think that I'm ignoring you so you start speaking in gibberish|to see if I'm listening.
Aw You were listening.
Nope.
I'm distracted by today's paper.
|Actually, the date of today's paper.
- He's going to come back.
|- By the time school starts or by the time Archie finishes the remodel? - What do you want me to do? Tie him up and stuff him in the trunk?|- At this point? Yes.
I have had enough of your hippie-parenting, psycho-babble.
Oh, so that's the problem.
It's not your smothering overprotectiveness that kept|him from ever having a friend till Ryan came along.
Sometimes the best thing for a kid is to have some space.
The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space? If you force him to come home, he's|going to want to run away again.
I don't care what he wants.
I don't care what he thinks is fair.
|He could have died out there.
Okay, so you can blame me.
And he can blame us.
|And we can keep passing the buck all summer long.
Summer is over.
School is starting.
This is where he belongs.
He's going to figure that out.
I'm tired of waiting for that.
Bring him home, Sandy.
Bring him home.
Oh, could it be any hotter?) I feel like my flesh is melting.
|I just hope it melts evenly.
Damn, girl, break me off a piece of dat.
He's totally checking you out.
So my mom's trying to drag me to the Cardio Bar again.
|It's her idea of mother-daughter bonding.
- Cardio Bar, Coop?|- Well, she says it's the new Tae Bo, so maybe I can learn to kick her ass.
I don't think you need to do anymore cardio.
- What's that supposed to mean?|- Nothing.
It's just that, and I mean this in the least scandalous|way but you're looking a little thin.
- I eat.
|- Okay.
Oh, God.
You definitely drink.
- What's in this, lighter fluid?|- This is a Newport Beach iced tea.
- This is 10:00 in the morning.
It's a little early.
|- For who? Oh, this bikini is so uncomfortable.
I need to|go get a new one.
You want to go to South Coast? - Totally.
There's a Paul Frank sale there Wednesday.
|- Wednesday? I can't.
I have plans with Zach.
- Oh, more plans with Zach, huh?|- Yes.
The more time I spend with Zach,|the less time I have to think about God, what's his face? Built like a beanpole, curly hair,|runs away like a little bitch on a sailboat, leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend,|who cried and cried over him until the Fourth of July when she decided she doesn't cry over bitches on boats.
Seth.
His name, it's Seth.
I know.
I'm just doing that thing where I pretend I don't and I have to use a lot of descriptive|insults to give voice to my inner pain.
- So, yeah, I can't do it Wednesday.
|- More plans with Zach.
Well, it's a formality, really.
|I refuse to get close to him.
- I will never be close to a boy again.
|- Yeah, I know what you mean.
That's good.
All right, thanks for the ride.
Oh, don't forget your lunch.
I, uh, peeled your orange for you.
Thanks, but, uh, it's probably not the|best way to fit in with these guys.
Right.
- All right, well, I'll, uh|- You don't want the foreman to get angry.
He's always angry.
He's an angry man.
Maybe tonight we could rent a|movie or play pool or something.
Yeah, pool sounds good.
See ya.
Honey? I've got to pick up Kaitlin from junior lifeguards.
Maybe she can save her sister from drowning in self-pity.
What is that flower truck doing in our driveway?|I get the feeling that it's been there every week.
Because it has.
- We get flowers delivered every week?|- Yes, they're living things, they die.
Do you hear a clicking on the phone?|Every time I try to dial out, - I swear, I hear a clicking.
|- Okay, Nixon, paranoid much? What's going on with you, Cal? You're either hopped up on blow|or something is seriously wrong.
It's nothing.
It's my blood-thinning medication.
|Sometimes it makes me feel Whacko? Like all summer long? - I'm taking Kaitlin to go look at new ponies.
|- What's wrong with China? China has alopecia.
I was hoping that the hair treatments|would work, but bald as a baby's ass.
It's just not right for a little girl to love a hairless pony.
- Yeah, I suppose that's fair.
|- Thanks.
Not charging it on the company card, are you? Why? Because we can't claim Kaitlin's new|pony as a business expense.
It's illegal.
Oh, I know.
I was going to put it on the black card.
Bye, sweetie.
- Hello?|- Uh, Luke, it's Kirsten.
Hey, Mrs.
Cohen, how you doing? - Although I think I can answer that one for myself.
|- Yeah.
Is, uh, is he there? It's for you.
- Hello?|- Seth, it's Mom.
Mom.
Hmm.
Blonde? Sharp, angular|features? Cute little nose? - Come home.
|- Did Ryan come back? - Seth Ezekiel.
|- Okay, using the dreaded middle name is not the best way to forge a bond.
This has gone on long enough.
Ah, not quite yet.
I just signed up to|teach more sailing lessons through September.
- Portland needs me, mother.
|- So do I.
Here's the thing, though.
I hate it there.
I'm never coming back to O.
C.
|Now, if you and Dad want to move to, I don't know, say, anywhere else on the planet, then we can talk.
And here I was, crazy to think that a simple appeal|from a mother to a son might get some traction.
Yeah, well, that is crazy.
Bye.
So you're just going to hang up on - Gave in and called him, huh?|- He used to be such a sweet kid.
He's turning out to be quite the angry young man.
I had the same talk with him this afternoon.
Doesn't he know that we didn't want|Ryan to leave any more than he did? Oh, right now, it's it's not about what he knows.
It's about how he feels.
This house just seems so empty.
And yet so full.
Full of sweaty, shirtless men.
|You'd think you'd be in heaven.
- Oh, that's Jimmy.
I said that we were going to have dinner with him, but|- I'll talk to him.
- Jimbo, how goes it?|- It goes fantastic.
- You guys still going to join me and Haley on the boat for dinner?|- No.
Kirsten's not feeling so great.
- Seth still won't come home, huh?|- Oh, he'll come home, you know He's got no real choice.
I'm just trying to figure out the|best way for him to realize that.
Well, if you're too tough on him and|you bring him back kicking and screaming No, no, it'll only make things worse.
The last thing anybody wants is a bitter,|resentful teenager in the house.
He won't talk to me.
|He won't talk to Kirsten.
Well, maybe there's somebody else he'll talk to.
Oh, I wanted to make sure you weren't|slacking off.
Trying to punch out early.
- I wish.
How are you?|- Uh, pretty good.
You? - That was real nice of Kirsten to send over those baby clothes.
|- Oh, please, Kirsten loves to shop, even for the unborn.
- How's the remodel going?|- A lot like this a disaster.
- As long as it keeps her distracted, right?|- It's not really doing the trick anymore.
- Seth wants to stay in Portland?|- School is right around the corner and everybody is digging in their heels, holding their positions.
- So you going up there?|- Yeah, I've always liked Luke.
He's like a big, golden retriever.
- Actually, he kind of is.
|- You want to come? One-two punch|it might be more effective.
You and me? Unbeatable combination.
He was pretty mad at me last time I saw him.
|We haven't talked since and - Oh, he's pretty mad at everybody.
|- I don't know, Theresa's got some tests, - I've got work|- Well just in case.
And don't worry if you don't use it.
|I got a great fare.
Good luck.
Take care, kid.
*You got me all wrong* *You left me underwater* *To tumble and fall* *So many years ago* *You got me all wrong* *You got me all wrong* *You got me all wrong* Breakfast is ready.
My mom left early, so there's plenty.
- What's that?|- Nothing, uh Sandy needed some help - convincing Seth to come home.
|- Is that why he came by yesterday? - Cause you said he was just checking in.
|- Yeah nah I don't know.
I mean, - Seth's still angry.
I guess he blames his parents.
|- For you leaving? I can't imagine what he thinks about me.
- So you gonna go to Portland?|- No, I can't.
- You should go if you want to go.
|- It's for them to figure out It's their family.
- You're not part of their family?|- Not anymore.
I should get to work.
Hey, Cal.
Always a pleasure, although, if I may,|why we meeting in a parking garage? Because my office might be bugged.
|My home, your home - who knows what the Feds are up to.
|- You've really flipped your noodle, haven't you? Hey, I could be wearing a wire.
You never|know.
Sure you don't want to frisk me? - I don't have time for your jokes.
|- Nor do I.
I've got to be at the OC airport in half an hour.
- I'm heading up to Portland.
|- To see Seth? - Yeah.
|- I don't get it.
His best friend leaves so he runs|off with another boy and his gay dad? You've got to admit, it sounds kind of strange.
And this coming from a guy who is one click|away from wearing a wig and a fake mustache.
- You think my paranoia is unfounded?|- It's entertaining but completely unfounded.
- I haven't heard anything from any of my friends at the DA's office.
|- It doesn't make any sense.
The DA comes to see me at the beginning|of summer, and tells me the sky is falling - and he hasn't done a damn thing since.
|- Either they've realized they've got nothing, or they're building one hell of a case.
I got a plane to catch.
That looks just like, uh - Talk to her since your Fourth of July blowout?|- No.
She stopped taking my calls so I stopped making them.
She doesn't understand it's not about her.
Man, you've|got some willpower, because she has a killer rack.
You guys missed the greatest water-ski lesson of all time.
This guy must have been 300 pounds|and he wanted to drop his ski.
I've never seen anyone wipe out|harder in my life.
He lost everything.
Including his bathing suit.
- Hey, I'm sorry I missed that.
|- Hey, what happened to you last night? We went to Salty's and my I.
D.
|finally worked.
It was so much fun.
I don't know I just wasn't up for it.
- Cohen got in a little fight with his mom.
|- Thank you.
That was both honest and emasculating.
- Parents turning up the heat?|- I guess.
It's probably time to tell them about the home school plan.
I'm sure that will go over really well.
|We've got to get back out there.
- Just wanted to share.
|- All right, dude.
Don't drown.
Oh, hey, if you see any more naked|fat guys, be sure and let Luke know, okay? Dude.
You need to close on Jane before the summer's over.
- I live here; so does she.
There's plenty of time.
|- Whatever you say.
- Hey, guys.
|- Hey, Dad.
What time's dinner? Uh, half an hour and we have a guest.
Hi Sandy Cohen.
Oh, hey.
New car? My mom gave it to me.
It's my getaway car.
- Yeah, what's happening?|- Uh, thank you, you guys, for coming.
Haley is stuck at work, but we're happy to keep you company.
Being in the house by yourself isn't|as wonderful as I had fantasized.
So have you talked to Seth or Ryan? I talked at Seth, if it qualifies as a conversation.
Sandy saw Ryan last night.
|He seems to be doing well.
- Oh, that's good.
|- Do you guys still talk? Yeah, not really.
We used to but it|just sort of made everything harder.
See? A kid doesn't need to be in Portland to be distant.
So the last I heard, you were opening|a restaurant.
How's that going? Well, it didn't happen.
|It's, it's a long story.
But, hey, there are plenty of good restaurants in Newport.
I thought you said that all the restaurants|in Newport were overpriced and oversauced.
I have this thing about sauces.
|Less is more.
- So you excited about school?|- It's going to be a little weird.
I've got to meet all the new kids and|they don't have a water polo team.
Hey some would call that heaven.
The Harbor School just broke ground|on the new gym.
It should be beautiful.
- Are you working for the tourism board now?|- Watch your mouth.
- I was trying to be polite.
You might want to give it a try.
|- No, thanks.
I'd rather be honest.
You want to be honest? Well, let's talk about the|spoiled brat who's had everything handed to him.
Whose parents have been busting their asses to|make sure he's happy and how does he repay them? - This isn't about you.
|- Yes, it is.
- You're killing your mother and she is killing me.
You can't spend my entire life telling|me everything that's wrong with Newport, and then just expect I'm going to go back.
You can't do that.
Newport is your home, like it or not.
When you're 18 and you've saved|up enough money, you can move far away from the parents you resent and the town you loathe.
- You let Ryan go; why not me?|- We invited Ryan into our home.
- You don't get that choice.
|- But you didn't even try and stop him.
I mean, you didn't even make an attempt.
- Ryan had to do what he had to do.
|- Okay, well, so do I.
*Force yourself* *Turn it on* *Comes in waves* Hello? *Try to find* Hello? Who is this? *Maybe this time* *Don't turn your head* *It's easy to forget * - Morning.
|- Morning.
- You want some coffee?|- Please.
Yeah.
I make it kind of strong.
Oh, anything this side of motor oil.
|I didn't sleep at all.
I'm sorry about our little family drama last night.
- He's a good kid, Sandy.
A smart kid.
|- He's too smart.
- When is it that the kids get all the power?|- Oh, they've always had the power.
When they're two years old, you're running|after them, trying to make sure they don't get hurt, and, this is the teenage version of that.
- Carson.
Father.
|- Son.
I'm going to go see what Luke wants for breakfast.
I believe that was just a convenient|excuse to leave us for round two.
Oh, there is no round two.
- I'm backing your play.
|- What? Is this like a Jedi mind trick or No, I I thought about what you said last night.
I don't know what else to do.
|If this is really where you want to be, - I can't push you to come back.
|- So you're letting me stay? Well, at least I know you're safe here.
|It's better than dragging you home so that when the next time you decide to run away,|you might not leave a note, you might not call.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
I, you know, I'm really sorry - to drag you all the way up here.
|- Well, it was worth it just to see you.
Yeah, you, too.
So, look, you know that I left home|when I was your age and, uh I, uh, and I want to say to you what I wish my parents had said to me.
- We love you.
And the door is always open.
|- Yeah, I know, I know.
All right.
I've got a sailing lesson at 10:00, I gotta - Right.
|- Thanks.
- Take care of yourself.
|- Yeah.
Bye.
Hey.
So, we should probably leave in a half hour.
- I don't work Saturdays.
|- No, my doctor's appointment.
- Ah, right.
|- You forgot? No, no, I, um Yeah, I forgot.
Sorry.
- What's with the bag?|- I was going to go to Portland, Actually.
Before I remembered your doctor's appointment.
Except you didn't remember.
I've been to every doctor's appointment.
|What are you saying, I don't care? No, it's just a plane ticket showing up,|phone calls in the middle of the night.
What's going on? Look, I left Newport to make life easier for everyone.
It seems like all I did was make everything more complicated.
That's funny, I thought you left Newport to be with me.
I did.
All right?|I I've just got to make things right with Seth.
- Why? It's not like you abandoned him.
|- Actually, it kind of is.
I just I just took off.
|I didn't really talk to him about it.
I'm only going to Portland.
Are you afraid|I'm going to lose my construction job? It's just a checkup, you know? There'll be a lot of sitting around, reading|old TV Guides, listening to bad Muzak.
My mom loves that stuff.
- You sure?|- Yeah.
All right.
I've got to run.
Marissa.
Marissa, you're not even ready.
Take your headphones off.
I said, take your headphones off.
I was listening to that, Mom.
We were supposed to leave for Cardio Bar 15 minutes ago.
Oh.
Right.
Sorry.
Fine.
I'm taking this away and you're grounded.
What are you talking about?|You can't ground me.
I most certainly can, because I will not|spend another minute living like this.
- All summer long you've ignored me, acting like I don't even exist.
|- I wish.
What did you say? Why do we have to keep doing this? Honey Instead of shutting me out,|just tell me what's bothering you.
You really want to know what's bothering me? Do you? - Do you really want to know what's on my mind?|- Yes.
Okay, thanks for the head's up, Otis.
I'm going to talk to Caleb as soon as I get back into town.
- Sandy, cab's here.
|- All right, thanks.
Oh, I had a feeling I'd see you here.
- What, are you leaving?|- I took my shot.
Good luck.
And thanks.
- Summer.
Hello.
|- Hey, Mrs.
Cohen.
- Can I come in?|- Sure.
Is everything okay? - I'm here to get over Seth.
|- Excuse me? My therapist said the best thing I can do to move on in my life is to divest myself of all of Seth's material possessions.
- I got to dump off a bunch of his crap.
|- Oh, right, got it.
My therapist said that it's my best chance|of ever again vibrating at a high frequency.
- Vibrating at a high frequency?|- Lynn Grabhorn.
Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting.
Human beings have an electro-chemical currency|running through us, which is affected by our emotions.
When you're feeling happy or joyful, that current or energy is vibrating at a|higher frequency than when you're feeling sad or angry, at let's say, Seth Cohen.
When you're vibrating at a higher frequency,|you're more likely to attract happy people than when you are vibrating at a|low, sad, bitter-at-Cohen frequency.
It's the law of attraction in physics.
You know where to find his room.
|Summer? For the record, if he wasn't my son, I'd do the same thing.
I hope we can still be friends.
What do you say, Cohen?|First up, Madden Football.
- Dude, when are you going to give up the sports games?|- Why would I do that? - Hey, Dad, is dinner ready yet?|- I got the grill going.
And we've got another guest.
- Who is it this time, my mom? - You, I would not have guessed.
|- What's going on, Chino? - How are you guys?|- Uh, you know, good.
I'm sure you're probably here to do my father's bidding.
But, I don't know, you might as|well stay for a burger, right? So you learned how to work a grill.
- You've got a step up on your mom.
|- I've learned a lot this summer, Ryan.
- Portland seems nice.
|- Yeah.
- From the airplane, anyway.
|- Yeah, it's awesome.
Real people, real weather, cute girls, too.
- So you and Summer?|- Not so good, actually.
She'll probably never speak to me again.
It's probably best she moves on, though.
I mean, I don't think we're going to be seeing|too much of each other, I live here now.
- Listen, man, I'm sorry if I caused|- Dude, honestly, stop.
You did not make me leave Newport, ok?|If anything, the truth of the matter is, you probably made me stay a|year longer than I should have.
Honestly, like, boarding school, Portland, whatever, I was out of there sooner or later.
I mean,|me and the OC are a truly beatable combination.
It's still a pretty big deal, I mean,|dropping out of school, moving up here? I don't know, it used to be perfectly normal for teenagers|to board tramp steamers and travel the country.
- That was The Depression; they were looking for work.
|- Hobos are hot again.
- So there's no chance of you going back to Newport?|- Are you? - Well, then, you know|- Yeah, but, Seth, I can't.
Neither can I.
Got to admit, Jules, you've done well for yourself.
|It's everything you always wanted.
- Be careful what you wish for.
|- Thanks.
- So what's the matter? What's going on?|- Aside from our daughter being the spawn of Chuckie and Keith Moon.
She is definitely going through a hard time right now.
Jimmy, you have no idea the|Level Four meltdown I witnessed.
- There was lawn furniture in the pool.
|- Sounds like it constitutes a Level Five.
The sad part is, it's the most honest conversation we've had yet.
Thank God Kaitlin's going away to boarding|school.
This is no environment for a child.
Marissa, however, is going to be seriously|screwed up for the rest of her life, permanent damage, Jimmy, unless we do something.
- Like what?|- Provide her with some semblance of a normal family dynamic.
Maybe Sunday dinners you can come over here with, uh - Haley?|- Right, right.
- You two are still|- Yeah, we're doing great.
She's fantastic, sweet, limber.
- How about you and Caleb?|- Not so limber.
- I'll help the best I can.
Okay?|- Thank you.
And for the record, I am happy for you.
For the record, I don't believe you,|but for Marissa's sake, I'll pretend to.
I can't believe you talked to the DA's|office yesterday and we're just talking now.
I was trying to bring your grandson home.
- He's staying thanks for asking.
|- He's staying? Would you like me to talk to him?|I can be quite persuasive.
You'd better rest up and stockpile|some of that persuasiveness.
Why? What did the DA say? The clouds have gathered, Cal.
It's about to rain down on you.
|On all of us.
- So put your storm windows in, if you know what I mean.
|- That bad, huh? Get your house in order.
|The Newport Group,the family.
Do it soon.
Come on, Chino.
Try and hurt me.
Make me feel pain.
Wound me.
Think of all the money Luke saves|on therapy playing these games.
- I think you should still consider therapy.
|- Oh, you're going to pay for that.
- Ryan, telephone.
|- Good luck.
I'll wait here.
Okay.
Here you go.
- Hello?|- Ryan? Hi.
What's wrong? I went to the doctor's for the checkup and they couldn't find a heartbeat.
I lost the baby, Ryan.
I guess in the first|couple of months, this can happen.
Ok, I'm coming back.
I'm getting on the next flight - No.
|- What? I think that maybe we should see this as a sign Ryan, you're not happy with me.
You haven't been happy.
The only reason you've stayed is because of this baby and now there isn't a baby.
You don't want me to come home.
You don't want to come home.
Is this your battleground? Is this your Hey, everything all right? Theresa lost the baby.
Did you tell him? - Did he believe you?|- Yeah, I think so.
It's for the best.
For you and him and for the baby.
- What time does your cab get here?|- Any minute.
- What are you going to do now?|- I don't know.
Get my stuff out of Theresa's|and then I'm homeless again.
Have I sold you on the wonders of Portland?|We could take our show on the road.
I can't impose.
|Besides, I've got this job.
It pays pretty well, so|I'll figure something out.
- What about you, man?|- Just keep teaching sailing, hang with Luke.
His dad's dating someone new, so.
That should be interesting.
- Sounds fun.
|- Plus, you know, my parents are kind of okay with this now,|and so it's good because I don't have to feel guilty.
- That's great, man.
|- Yeah, it's awesome.
It's awesome.
Chino, your cab's here! All right.
Well.
I guess this is it.
Yeah, don't be a stranger.
All right.
See you.
*All of the arms around you now* *Could they ever catch you then?* *First you tell me not to fret* *Then you frighten me again * - All right, so, uh I was thinking.
|- I was thinking, too.
You know, they don't even have a water polo team here? And that's just going to be a problem for me.
- We don't have to hug or anything like that, right?|- Nah.
Okay, come on in.
*You're the brother and the beast* *You're the friend I knew the best* *Can't you listen to the past?* *Can't you let the * I kind of like eating amongst the furniture.
It's it's cozy.
Hmm, so we leave for like three months,|you tear the whole place apart? You're back? How's that two-for-one special on brooding young men? - Are you coming back, too?|- Uh, yeah.
It's a long story, but I figured this is where I belong, so.
Uh, what he said.
Good.
'Cause nobody leaves this family twice.
- Welcome home.
|- Thanks.
Hey.
What's going on? All right.
- So good to be back?|- Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
- You?|- My room felt so much smaller to me.
|I don't know, or perhaps I've grown quite a bit in the last few months.
Summer had been there, though.
She dumped everything and anything that reminded her of me.
|So that should be really fun, come Monday.
- Yeah, Monday's going to suck.
|- You need anything? Want me to, um fire up the grill, because, Ryan|I can do that.
No, I'm good.
I'm good.
Tired, but good.
Hey! Wait, wait.
How'd you make it all the way to Portland|from Newport in that little catamaran? Well, Ryan.
Sit down my son.
It was a long and torturous journey and I'm not gonna|not gonna sugarcoat any of the details for you.
- Please don't.
|- Because we're friends.
First I sailed to Catalina.
Then I sailed to Santa Barbara.
In Santa Barbara, I ran out of snacks.
Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash,|took a Greyhound to Portland.
- You took a bus?|- Yeah, but don't say it like that.
It was a local.
Okay? Have you ever been on one of those?|Not for the faint of heart.
I can't believe after all that you took a bus.
I think we're definitely going to have to come up with|a better story for school, though.
That'd be good.
No, no, I like the bus idea.
It's cool.
But what about maybe, um - Boat sank, saved by whales.
It's very Whale Rider.
|- What else you got? - I took the boat, the boat sank.
Saved by a mermaid.
|- Splash.
The boat sank, stranded|on a desert island, uh volleyball.
We both know that's Castaway.
Tom Hanks.
Uh, okay, you'll really like this one.
I get hired by the British Royal Navy to-to-to sail with them and, I have a master, and he's also my commander
C.
:|Theresa's pregnant.
- You don't have to leave.
|- Then come with me.
I'm leaving.
Can't let Theresa do this by herself.
Oh, my God.
It's a palace! Look, you're getting what you wanted|I'm moving in with you.
- Going somewhere?|- Like, say, San Quentin.
- Thank you.
|- Could we convince you to stay? He's the first real friend I've ever had.
|The only real friend I've ever had.
I understand why you have to do this,|but I wish you didn't have to.
Before he got here, I was the biggest loser.
|This place was hell for me.
I can't even imagine what it's going|to be like here without him.
So, we've knocked down the|retaining wall to allow for more flow.
Great, now, when do you think|we will have achieved flow? When do you think we'll be done|tearing your house apart? Well, my house is torn apart and|construction's got nothing to do with it.
Ballpark, Archie, ballpark.
It's September now.
I'd say two weeks.
|A month, tops.
- Six weeks.
|- Well, in the meantime In the meantime, could you please try to|convince the fellas here to wear something in a shirt? My neighbors have started to|refer to my home as The Man Hole.
- Too, uh, Village People?|- Exactly.
- I'll talk to my guys.
|- Hey, Archie Sandy.
Oh, and don't ever get married, and if you do, don't ever have kids.
Well, good news.
Archie thinks the|remodel should be done anytime between now and, well, he didn't say never, but there was subtext.
|I'd love some coffee.
Thank you.
Boy, am I excited to head into court for day one of this riveting nuisance lawsuit, where one yacht owner feels that this other yacht owner|is in violation of the noise ordinance at Crystal Cove.
Butterscotch duck in El Paso, lampshade,|truck stop, stethoscope I know you're doing that thing|where you think that I'm ignoring you so you start speaking in gibberish|to see if I'm listening.
Aw You were listening.
Nope.
I'm distracted by today's paper.
|Actually, the date of today's paper.
- He's going to come back.
|- By the time school starts or by the time Archie finishes the remodel? - What do you want me to do? Tie him up and stuff him in the trunk?|- At this point? Yes.
I have had enough of your hippie-parenting, psycho-babble.
Oh, so that's the problem.
It's not your smothering overprotectiveness that kept|him from ever having a friend till Ryan came along.
Sometimes the best thing for a kid is to have some space.
The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space? If you force him to come home, he's|going to want to run away again.
I don't care what he wants.
I don't care what he thinks is fair.
|He could have died out there.
Okay, so you can blame me.
And he can blame us.
|And we can keep passing the buck all summer long.
Summer is over.
School is starting.
This is where he belongs.
He's going to figure that out.
I'm tired of waiting for that.
Bring him home, Sandy.
Bring him home.
Oh, could it be any hotter?) I feel like my flesh is melting.
|I just hope it melts evenly.
Damn, girl, break me off a piece of dat.
He's totally checking you out.
So my mom's trying to drag me to the Cardio Bar again.
|It's her idea of mother-daughter bonding.
- Cardio Bar, Coop?|- Well, she says it's the new Tae Bo, so maybe I can learn to kick her ass.
I don't think you need to do anymore cardio.
- What's that supposed to mean?|- Nothing.
It's just that, and I mean this in the least scandalous|way but you're looking a little thin.
- I eat.
|- Okay.
Oh, God.
You definitely drink.
- What's in this, lighter fluid?|- This is a Newport Beach iced tea.
- This is 10:00 in the morning.
It's a little early.
|- For who? Oh, this bikini is so uncomfortable.
I need to|go get a new one.
You want to go to South Coast? - Totally.
There's a Paul Frank sale there Wednesday.
|- Wednesday? I can't.
I have plans with Zach.
- Oh, more plans with Zach, huh?|- Yes.
The more time I spend with Zach,|the less time I have to think about God, what's his face? Built like a beanpole, curly hair,|runs away like a little bitch on a sailboat, leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend,|who cried and cried over him until the Fourth of July when she decided she doesn't cry over bitches on boats.
Seth.
His name, it's Seth.
I know.
I'm just doing that thing where I pretend I don't and I have to use a lot of descriptive|insults to give voice to my inner pain.
- So, yeah, I can't do it Wednesday.
|- More plans with Zach.
Well, it's a formality, really.
|I refuse to get close to him.
- I will never be close to a boy again.
|- Yeah, I know what you mean.
That's good.
All right, thanks for the ride.
Oh, don't forget your lunch.
I, uh, peeled your orange for you.
Thanks, but, uh, it's probably not the|best way to fit in with these guys.
Right.
- All right, well, I'll, uh|- You don't want the foreman to get angry.
He's always angry.
He's an angry man.
Maybe tonight we could rent a|movie or play pool or something.
Yeah, pool sounds good.
See ya.
Honey? I've got to pick up Kaitlin from junior lifeguards.
Maybe she can save her sister from drowning in self-pity.
What is that flower truck doing in our driveway?|I get the feeling that it's been there every week.
Because it has.
- We get flowers delivered every week?|- Yes, they're living things, they die.
Do you hear a clicking on the phone?|Every time I try to dial out, - I swear, I hear a clicking.
|- Okay, Nixon, paranoid much? What's going on with you, Cal? You're either hopped up on blow|or something is seriously wrong.
It's nothing.
It's my blood-thinning medication.
|Sometimes it makes me feel Whacko? Like all summer long? - I'm taking Kaitlin to go look at new ponies.
|- What's wrong with China? China has alopecia.
I was hoping that the hair treatments|would work, but bald as a baby's ass.
It's just not right for a little girl to love a hairless pony.
- Yeah, I suppose that's fair.
|- Thanks.
Not charging it on the company card, are you? Why? Because we can't claim Kaitlin's new|pony as a business expense.
It's illegal.
Oh, I know.
I was going to put it on the black card.
Bye, sweetie.
- Hello?|- Uh, Luke, it's Kirsten.
Hey, Mrs.
Cohen, how you doing? - Although I think I can answer that one for myself.
|- Yeah.
Is, uh, is he there? It's for you.
- Hello?|- Seth, it's Mom.
Mom.
Hmm.
Blonde? Sharp, angular|features? Cute little nose? - Come home.
|- Did Ryan come back? - Seth Ezekiel.
|- Okay, using the dreaded middle name is not the best way to forge a bond.
This has gone on long enough.
Ah, not quite yet.
I just signed up to|teach more sailing lessons through September.
- Portland needs me, mother.
|- So do I.
Here's the thing, though.
I hate it there.
I'm never coming back to O.
C.
|Now, if you and Dad want to move to, I don't know, say, anywhere else on the planet, then we can talk.
And here I was, crazy to think that a simple appeal|from a mother to a son might get some traction.
Yeah, well, that is crazy.
Bye.
So you're just going to hang up on - Gave in and called him, huh?|- He used to be such a sweet kid.
He's turning out to be quite the angry young man.
I had the same talk with him this afternoon.
Doesn't he know that we didn't want|Ryan to leave any more than he did? Oh, right now, it's it's not about what he knows.
It's about how he feels.
This house just seems so empty.
And yet so full.
Full of sweaty, shirtless men.
|You'd think you'd be in heaven.
- Oh, that's Jimmy.
I said that we were going to have dinner with him, but|- I'll talk to him.
- Jimbo, how goes it?|- It goes fantastic.
- You guys still going to join me and Haley on the boat for dinner?|- No.
Kirsten's not feeling so great.
- Seth still won't come home, huh?|- Oh, he'll come home, you know He's got no real choice.
I'm just trying to figure out the|best way for him to realize that.
Well, if you're too tough on him and|you bring him back kicking and screaming No, no, it'll only make things worse.
The last thing anybody wants is a bitter,|resentful teenager in the house.
He won't talk to me.
|He won't talk to Kirsten.
Well, maybe there's somebody else he'll talk to.
Oh, I wanted to make sure you weren't|slacking off.
Trying to punch out early.
- I wish.
How are you?|- Uh, pretty good.
You? - That was real nice of Kirsten to send over those baby clothes.
|- Oh, please, Kirsten loves to shop, even for the unborn.
- How's the remodel going?|- A lot like this a disaster.
- As long as it keeps her distracted, right?|- It's not really doing the trick anymore.
- Seth wants to stay in Portland?|- School is right around the corner and everybody is digging in their heels, holding their positions.
- So you going up there?|- Yeah, I've always liked Luke.
He's like a big, golden retriever.
- Actually, he kind of is.
|- You want to come? One-two punch|it might be more effective.
You and me? Unbeatable combination.
He was pretty mad at me last time I saw him.
|We haven't talked since and - Oh, he's pretty mad at everybody.
|- I don't know, Theresa's got some tests, - I've got work|- Well just in case.
And don't worry if you don't use it.
|I got a great fare.
Good luck.
Take care, kid.
*You got me all wrong* *You left me underwater* *To tumble and fall* *So many years ago* *You got me all wrong* *You got me all wrong* *You got me all wrong* Breakfast is ready.
My mom left early, so there's plenty.
- What's that?|- Nothing, uh Sandy needed some help - convincing Seth to come home.
|- Is that why he came by yesterday? - Cause you said he was just checking in.
|- Yeah nah I don't know.
I mean, - Seth's still angry.
I guess he blames his parents.
|- For you leaving? I can't imagine what he thinks about me.
- So you gonna go to Portland?|- No, I can't.
- You should go if you want to go.
|- It's for them to figure out It's their family.
- You're not part of their family?|- Not anymore.
I should get to work.
Hey, Cal.
Always a pleasure, although, if I may,|why we meeting in a parking garage? Because my office might be bugged.
|My home, your home - who knows what the Feds are up to.
|- You've really flipped your noodle, haven't you? Hey, I could be wearing a wire.
You never|know.
Sure you don't want to frisk me? - I don't have time for your jokes.
|- Nor do I.
I've got to be at the OC airport in half an hour.
- I'm heading up to Portland.
|- To see Seth? - Yeah.
|- I don't get it.
His best friend leaves so he runs|off with another boy and his gay dad? You've got to admit, it sounds kind of strange.
And this coming from a guy who is one click|away from wearing a wig and a fake mustache.
- You think my paranoia is unfounded?|- It's entertaining but completely unfounded.
- I haven't heard anything from any of my friends at the DA's office.
|- It doesn't make any sense.
The DA comes to see me at the beginning|of summer, and tells me the sky is falling - and he hasn't done a damn thing since.
|- Either they've realized they've got nothing, or they're building one hell of a case.
I got a plane to catch.
That looks just like, uh - Talk to her since your Fourth of July blowout?|- No.
She stopped taking my calls so I stopped making them.
She doesn't understand it's not about her.
Man, you've|got some willpower, because she has a killer rack.
You guys missed the greatest water-ski lesson of all time.
This guy must have been 300 pounds|and he wanted to drop his ski.
I've never seen anyone wipe out|harder in my life.
He lost everything.
Including his bathing suit.
- Hey, I'm sorry I missed that.
|- Hey, what happened to you last night? We went to Salty's and my I.
D.
|finally worked.
It was so much fun.
I don't know I just wasn't up for it.
- Cohen got in a little fight with his mom.
|- Thank you.
That was both honest and emasculating.
- Parents turning up the heat?|- I guess.
It's probably time to tell them about the home school plan.
I'm sure that will go over really well.
|We've got to get back out there.
- Just wanted to share.
|- All right, dude.
Don't drown.
Oh, hey, if you see any more naked|fat guys, be sure and let Luke know, okay? Dude.
You need to close on Jane before the summer's over.
- I live here; so does she.
There's plenty of time.
|- Whatever you say.
- Hey, guys.
|- Hey, Dad.
What time's dinner? Uh, half an hour and we have a guest.
Hi Sandy Cohen.
Oh, hey.
New car? My mom gave it to me.
It's my getaway car.
- Yeah, what's happening?|- Uh, thank you, you guys, for coming.
Haley is stuck at work, but we're happy to keep you company.
Being in the house by yourself isn't|as wonderful as I had fantasized.
So have you talked to Seth or Ryan? I talked at Seth, if it qualifies as a conversation.
Sandy saw Ryan last night.
|He seems to be doing well.
- Oh, that's good.
|- Do you guys still talk? Yeah, not really.
We used to but it|just sort of made everything harder.
See? A kid doesn't need to be in Portland to be distant.
So the last I heard, you were opening|a restaurant.
How's that going? Well, it didn't happen.
|It's, it's a long story.
But, hey, there are plenty of good restaurants in Newport.
I thought you said that all the restaurants|in Newport were overpriced and oversauced.
I have this thing about sauces.
|Less is more.
- So you excited about school?|- It's going to be a little weird.
I've got to meet all the new kids and|they don't have a water polo team.
Hey some would call that heaven.
The Harbor School just broke ground|on the new gym.
It should be beautiful.
- Are you working for the tourism board now?|- Watch your mouth.
- I was trying to be polite.
You might want to give it a try.
|- No, thanks.
I'd rather be honest.
You want to be honest? Well, let's talk about the|spoiled brat who's had everything handed to him.
Whose parents have been busting their asses to|make sure he's happy and how does he repay them? - This isn't about you.
|- Yes, it is.
- You're killing your mother and she is killing me.
You can't spend my entire life telling|me everything that's wrong with Newport, and then just expect I'm going to go back.
You can't do that.
Newport is your home, like it or not.
When you're 18 and you've saved|up enough money, you can move far away from the parents you resent and the town you loathe.
- You let Ryan go; why not me?|- We invited Ryan into our home.
- You don't get that choice.
|- But you didn't even try and stop him.
I mean, you didn't even make an attempt.
- Ryan had to do what he had to do.
|- Okay, well, so do I.
*Force yourself* *Turn it on* *Comes in waves* Hello? *Try to find* Hello? Who is this? *Maybe this time* *Don't turn your head* *It's easy to forget * - Morning.
|- Morning.
- You want some coffee?|- Please.
Yeah.
I make it kind of strong.
Oh, anything this side of motor oil.
|I didn't sleep at all.
I'm sorry about our little family drama last night.
- He's a good kid, Sandy.
A smart kid.
|- He's too smart.
- When is it that the kids get all the power?|- Oh, they've always had the power.
When they're two years old, you're running|after them, trying to make sure they don't get hurt, and, this is the teenage version of that.
- Carson.
Father.
|- Son.
I'm going to go see what Luke wants for breakfast.
I believe that was just a convenient|excuse to leave us for round two.
Oh, there is no round two.
- I'm backing your play.
|- What? Is this like a Jedi mind trick or No, I I thought about what you said last night.
I don't know what else to do.
|If this is really where you want to be, - I can't push you to come back.
|- So you're letting me stay? Well, at least I know you're safe here.
|It's better than dragging you home so that when the next time you decide to run away,|you might not leave a note, you might not call.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
I, you know, I'm really sorry - to drag you all the way up here.
|- Well, it was worth it just to see you.
Yeah, you, too.
So, look, you know that I left home|when I was your age and, uh I, uh, and I want to say to you what I wish my parents had said to me.
- We love you.
And the door is always open.
|- Yeah, I know, I know.
All right.
I've got a sailing lesson at 10:00, I gotta - Right.
|- Thanks.
- Take care of yourself.
|- Yeah.
Bye.
Hey.
So, we should probably leave in a half hour.
- I don't work Saturdays.
|- No, my doctor's appointment.
- Ah, right.
|- You forgot? No, no, I, um Yeah, I forgot.
Sorry.
- What's with the bag?|- I was going to go to Portland, Actually.
Before I remembered your doctor's appointment.
Except you didn't remember.
I've been to every doctor's appointment.
|What are you saying, I don't care? No, it's just a plane ticket showing up,|phone calls in the middle of the night.
What's going on? Look, I left Newport to make life easier for everyone.
It seems like all I did was make everything more complicated.
That's funny, I thought you left Newport to be with me.
I did.
All right?|I I've just got to make things right with Seth.
- Why? It's not like you abandoned him.
|- Actually, it kind of is.
I just I just took off.
|I didn't really talk to him about it.
I'm only going to Portland.
Are you afraid|I'm going to lose my construction job? It's just a checkup, you know? There'll be a lot of sitting around, reading|old TV Guides, listening to bad Muzak.
My mom loves that stuff.
- You sure?|- Yeah.
All right.
I've got to run.
Marissa.
Marissa, you're not even ready.
Take your headphones off.
I said, take your headphones off.
I was listening to that, Mom.
We were supposed to leave for Cardio Bar 15 minutes ago.
Oh.
Right.
Sorry.
Fine.
I'm taking this away and you're grounded.
What are you talking about?|You can't ground me.
I most certainly can, because I will not|spend another minute living like this.
- All summer long you've ignored me, acting like I don't even exist.
|- I wish.
What did you say? Why do we have to keep doing this? Honey Instead of shutting me out,|just tell me what's bothering you.
You really want to know what's bothering me? Do you? - Do you really want to know what's on my mind?|- Yes.
Okay, thanks for the head's up, Otis.
I'm going to talk to Caleb as soon as I get back into town.
- Sandy, cab's here.
|- All right, thanks.
Oh, I had a feeling I'd see you here.
- What, are you leaving?|- I took my shot.
Good luck.
And thanks.
- Summer.
Hello.
|- Hey, Mrs.
Cohen.
- Can I come in?|- Sure.
Is everything okay? - I'm here to get over Seth.
|- Excuse me? My therapist said the best thing I can do to move on in my life is to divest myself of all of Seth's material possessions.
- I got to dump off a bunch of his crap.
|- Oh, right, got it.
My therapist said that it's my best chance|of ever again vibrating at a high frequency.
- Vibrating at a high frequency?|- Lynn Grabhorn.
Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting.
Human beings have an electro-chemical currency|running through us, which is affected by our emotions.
When you're feeling happy or joyful, that current or energy is vibrating at a|higher frequency than when you're feeling sad or angry, at let's say, Seth Cohen.
When you're vibrating at a higher frequency,|you're more likely to attract happy people than when you are vibrating at a|low, sad, bitter-at-Cohen frequency.
It's the law of attraction in physics.
You know where to find his room.
|Summer? For the record, if he wasn't my son, I'd do the same thing.
I hope we can still be friends.
What do you say, Cohen?|First up, Madden Football.
- Dude, when are you going to give up the sports games?|- Why would I do that? - Hey, Dad, is dinner ready yet?|- I got the grill going.
And we've got another guest.
- Who is it this time, my mom? - You, I would not have guessed.
|- What's going on, Chino? - How are you guys?|- Uh, you know, good.
I'm sure you're probably here to do my father's bidding.
But, I don't know, you might as|well stay for a burger, right? So you learned how to work a grill.
- You've got a step up on your mom.
|- I've learned a lot this summer, Ryan.
- Portland seems nice.
|- Yeah.
- From the airplane, anyway.
|- Yeah, it's awesome.
Real people, real weather, cute girls, too.
- So you and Summer?|- Not so good, actually.
She'll probably never speak to me again.
It's probably best she moves on, though.
I mean, I don't think we're going to be seeing|too much of each other, I live here now.
- Listen, man, I'm sorry if I caused|- Dude, honestly, stop.
You did not make me leave Newport, ok?|If anything, the truth of the matter is, you probably made me stay a|year longer than I should have.
Honestly, like, boarding school, Portland, whatever, I was out of there sooner or later.
I mean,|me and the OC are a truly beatable combination.
It's still a pretty big deal, I mean,|dropping out of school, moving up here? I don't know, it used to be perfectly normal for teenagers|to board tramp steamers and travel the country.
- That was The Depression; they were looking for work.
|- Hobos are hot again.
- So there's no chance of you going back to Newport?|- Are you? - Well, then, you know|- Yeah, but, Seth, I can't.
Neither can I.
Got to admit, Jules, you've done well for yourself.
|It's everything you always wanted.
- Be careful what you wish for.
|- Thanks.
- So what's the matter? What's going on?|- Aside from our daughter being the spawn of Chuckie and Keith Moon.
She is definitely going through a hard time right now.
Jimmy, you have no idea the|Level Four meltdown I witnessed.
- There was lawn furniture in the pool.
|- Sounds like it constitutes a Level Five.
The sad part is, it's the most honest conversation we've had yet.
Thank God Kaitlin's going away to boarding|school.
This is no environment for a child.
Marissa, however, is going to be seriously|screwed up for the rest of her life, permanent damage, Jimmy, unless we do something.
- Like what?|- Provide her with some semblance of a normal family dynamic.
Maybe Sunday dinners you can come over here with, uh - Haley?|- Right, right.
- You two are still|- Yeah, we're doing great.
She's fantastic, sweet, limber.
- How about you and Caleb?|- Not so limber.
- I'll help the best I can.
Okay?|- Thank you.
And for the record, I am happy for you.
For the record, I don't believe you,|but for Marissa's sake, I'll pretend to.
I can't believe you talked to the DA's|office yesterday and we're just talking now.
I was trying to bring your grandson home.
- He's staying thanks for asking.
|- He's staying? Would you like me to talk to him?|I can be quite persuasive.
You'd better rest up and stockpile|some of that persuasiveness.
Why? What did the DA say? The clouds have gathered, Cal.
It's about to rain down on you.
|On all of us.
- So put your storm windows in, if you know what I mean.
|- That bad, huh? Get your house in order.
|The Newport Group,the family.
Do it soon.
Come on, Chino.
Try and hurt me.
Make me feel pain.
Wound me.
Think of all the money Luke saves|on therapy playing these games.
- I think you should still consider therapy.
|- Oh, you're going to pay for that.
- Ryan, telephone.
|- Good luck.
I'll wait here.
Okay.
Here you go.
- Hello?|- Ryan? Hi.
What's wrong? I went to the doctor's for the checkup and they couldn't find a heartbeat.
I lost the baby, Ryan.
I guess in the first|couple of months, this can happen.
Ok, I'm coming back.
I'm getting on the next flight - No.
|- What? I think that maybe we should see this as a sign Ryan, you're not happy with me.
You haven't been happy.
The only reason you've stayed is because of this baby and now there isn't a baby.
You don't want me to come home.
You don't want to come home.
Is this your battleground? Is this your Hey, everything all right? Theresa lost the baby.
Did you tell him? - Did he believe you?|- Yeah, I think so.
It's for the best.
For you and him and for the baby.
- What time does your cab get here?|- Any minute.
- What are you going to do now?|- I don't know.
Get my stuff out of Theresa's|and then I'm homeless again.
Have I sold you on the wonders of Portland?|We could take our show on the road.
I can't impose.
|Besides, I've got this job.
It pays pretty well, so|I'll figure something out.
- What about you, man?|- Just keep teaching sailing, hang with Luke.
His dad's dating someone new, so.
That should be interesting.
- Sounds fun.
|- Plus, you know, my parents are kind of okay with this now,|and so it's good because I don't have to feel guilty.
- That's great, man.
|- Yeah, it's awesome.
It's awesome.
Chino, your cab's here! All right.
Well.
I guess this is it.
Yeah, don't be a stranger.
All right.
See you.
*All of the arms around you now* *Could they ever catch you then?* *First you tell me not to fret* *Then you frighten me again * - All right, so, uh I was thinking.
|- I was thinking, too.
You know, they don't even have a water polo team here? And that's just going to be a problem for me.
- We don't have to hug or anything like that, right?|- Nah.
Okay, come on in.
*You're the brother and the beast* *You're the friend I knew the best* *Can't you listen to the past?* *Can't you let the * I kind of like eating amongst the furniture.
It's it's cozy.
Hmm, so we leave for like three months,|you tear the whole place apart? You're back? How's that two-for-one special on brooding young men? - Are you coming back, too?|- Uh, yeah.
It's a long story, but I figured this is where I belong, so.
Uh, what he said.
Good.
'Cause nobody leaves this family twice.
- Welcome home.
|- Thanks.
Hey.
What's going on? All right.
- So good to be back?|- Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
- You?|- My room felt so much smaller to me.
|I don't know, or perhaps I've grown quite a bit in the last few months.
Summer had been there, though.
She dumped everything and anything that reminded her of me.
|So that should be really fun, come Monday.
- Yeah, Monday's going to suck.
|- You need anything? Want me to, um fire up the grill, because, Ryan|I can do that.
No, I'm good.
I'm good.
Tired, but good.
Hey! Wait, wait.
How'd you make it all the way to Portland|from Newport in that little catamaran? Well, Ryan.
Sit down my son.
It was a long and torturous journey and I'm not gonna|not gonna sugarcoat any of the details for you.
- Please don't.
|- Because we're friends.
First I sailed to Catalina.
Then I sailed to Santa Barbara.
In Santa Barbara, I ran out of snacks.
Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash,|took a Greyhound to Portland.
- You took a bus?|- Yeah, but don't say it like that.
It was a local.
Okay? Have you ever been on one of those?|Not for the faint of heart.
I can't believe after all that you took a bus.
I think we're definitely going to have to come up with|a better story for school, though.
That'd be good.
No, no, I like the bus idea.
It's cool.
But what about maybe, um - Boat sank, saved by whales.
It's very Whale Rider.
|- What else you got? - I took the boat, the boat sank.
Saved by a mermaid.
|- Splash.
The boat sank, stranded|on a desert island, uh volleyball.
We both know that's Castaway.
Tom Hanks.
Uh, okay, you'll really like this one.
I get hired by the British Royal Navy to-to-to sail with them and, I have a master, and he's also my commander