The Real L Word s02e01 Episode Script

It was just the other night I don't want to think about it I don't want to start a fight I don't want to think about it every time I take a step left right yeah I think I'm gonna sleep real good tonight just thinkin' about it you'll find a way to make me crazy, hazy so hypnotized think of the blue skies, blue eyes and I'll never roam again I'm back in love again find my way back home again This is Whitney.
I can't come to the phone right now, so leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Thanks.
Hi, babe, it's Sara.
I just wanted to call you and say hi and see what you're doing.
I feel really weird about things being awkward between us.
I think that we should talk about it and try and smooth things over, 'cause I think it's worth a shot still.
Give me a call as soon as you get this, okay? Talk to you soon.
Bye.
The lesbian wheel is my life.
It's lesbians entering and exiting and entering again and exiting in one constant flow.
And at the center of that wheel is Sara.
- Cheers.
- To what? To us.
You're supposed to say it.
Cheers to us.
So let's talk about how much you miss me.
Last year, we had such an intense connection.
Sara and I were pretty hot and heavy.
We were instantly drawn together.
And it's like, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other.
I don't know how I'm supposed to be around you.
Just be see, this is the thing is you think too much about what you're supposed to do.
Just let it be.
Be open and in the present.
That's how I was.
I was like that.
But, like, I feel like I don't know what the next move is supposed to be.
If I call you and I want to hang out and you want to hang out, instead of fighting the fact that you want to hang out with me like you have been, give in to the fact that you want to, and come hang out with me.
Sara can be shady.
Like, she can't be trusted.
At Dinah Shore, Sara hooked up with Romi, who I'd been seeing.
A lot of my friends have warned me about Sara, and said that she's not good for me.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do with you.
Just love me.
I will be the best girlfriend you ever have.
Like, I will be with you and be the best girlfriend.
You make it so easy.
You're fighting yourself, you know? Yeah, because just because I have an urge to, like heroin addicts have the urge to do heroin.
Oh, my God.
Really? You're comparing this? It's like I'm addicted to you.
It's really frustrating that I know that she's going against something that she wants.
Living in the past isn't gonna get you anywhere.
You know, what are we doing? Let's be together.
You know? It's, like, I just want to shake her.
And be like, "I know you want this, so let's do this.
" I'm sexually frustrated.
I am.
I can't deny it anymore.
I haven't even fucking you just get under my soul like some form of leprosy.
Slowly eating away at my limbs and my skin.
That's what you are.
I like those limbs.
Mm.
Happy Birthday, baby.
Hi, honey.
Are you getting the scenic? I'm getting the angles, baby.
Today is my 29th birthday.
And I'm visiting New York from L.
A.
For the weekend to celebrate with my girlfriend.
'Cause I love New York.
Did you have fun? Baby, we got to go.
I started dating Kelsey a little bit after me and Whitney were dating or being together.
I think I thought I loved Whitney, but that was more infatuation and lust.
Oh, God.
Oh, my As time has gone by, I think I realized that I wasn't getting what I wanted from her, and I was bound and determined to get that.
- Baby, we're here.
- Love you.
We're here and we're queer.
We're here, we're queer.
Get used to it.
Kelsey's so cute.
We could build a snowman.
She is exactly my type.
Like, from head to toe, my type.
She makes me feel like there's nobody else in the world that she's even looking at.
Like I am it.
And I love that.
I need that.
Down here? You're cold.
Oh, baby.
Yeah, I know.
You're so happy that we're holding hands and skipping.
You're so happy.
Want to get a picture of you here? Yeah.
You want to? Yay.
Let me get one of you.
Okay, look your best.
It's not a modeling shoot.
We've been together and living together for ten months now, and we've been through a lot in our short relationship, and you can tell that both of us, the one thing that we do have is we want to be together.
We want to make it work.
Do what? Oh, no, don't worry.
She goes in for it.
When I'm wasted and drunk and you take advantage of me? That's just We're going through a little bit of a dry spell.
At this point, it's been three weeks since we've had sex.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
God.
So frustrating.
Well, thank you all for coming, guys.
Hollywood! Hear, hear.
Hollywood! So I'm moving to L.
A.
I'm leaving New York after ten years of being here, and my girlfriend, Vivian, of a year and a half, I adore her.
I think she's great.
It's more like denial that you're actually going away anywhere.
You know that? Like, who's gonna look out for you, Claire? I'm going out to L.
A.
for various reasons.
I want to create a website about lesbian life, and then I have my ex-girlfriend, my first girlfriend lives in L.
A.
, Francine.
Both of us haven't totally let go of each other, and haven't let go of the fact that maybe we are each other's soul mates.
Who's gonna look out for you in Hollywood, Hollywood? Like, you have to understand why I would worry.
Because, it's like - And I love Barb.
- Yeah, basically.
She's like your father figure.
Your Asian dad.
You're more Asian than I am.
I am more Asian than half the You're just a rice chaser.
That's okay.
Oh - I'm sorry.
- Who says that? You can't say stuff like that.
All my friends say I, you know, "you have the perfect girlfriend.
Your girlfriend is perfect.
" And she is perfect.
It's a hard thing to let somebody that perfect go, and in the end it might be one of my biggest regrets, because I might lose her forever, but I feel like if I don't go out to L.
A.
And figure out why I'm holding on to Francine and why what our relationship is, I'll never be able to give Vivian, like, all of myself.
Do you love this? I'm the cream in the Oreo.
I love it.
- Yeah.
- It's gorgeous.
Okay.
Taste the rainbow.
Can you look at her with your eyes? Let me see what that looks like.
Yeah.
Cool? Reset for hair and makeup everybody.
So what are you gonna do this week? My ex-girlfriend Claire is moving here, uh, tomorrow.
- Uh-oh.
- Yeah.
Is that a good or a bad thing? Um, we'll see.
I don't know.
It, uh, gives me anxiety.
So we were together for, like, 3 1/2 years, and it's been, like, almost three years since we broke up, but, you know, I don't know.
Still having some ex issues or something.
And where's she staying while she's here? - With me temporarily.
- Ooh! I'm, like, a hot mess.
Or just the mess.
You know, I can't believe she's actually moving here.
I mean, I'm excited, but at the same time, I have some anxiety about it.
When we were together in a relationship, it was just very intense, 'cause we were both young.
It's our first love.
And I had a really hard time getting over her, and now whenever I enter into a relationship, I end up not taking it seriously because of this thing with Claire that I'm holding on to.
I don't know what's wrong with me that I can't get over it.
But she has a girlfriend, so up to the point where she moves here, she has this, like, girlfriend, and then I don't know what's going on, but, like What's her girlfriend think? Well, she can't be happy about it, obviously.
- You know? - Yeah.
- Love you guys.
- Love you.
For putting up with this thing right here.
I am concerned that her and Francine might become a couple again.
It's kind of hard to just be okay with that.
You know? I don't know what to expect.
I don't know what's gonna happen, you know? I don't know what's gonna happen with her and Francine.
I don't know.
It's a lot of question marks right now.
Be honest, Claire.
Are you gonna cry? Look at this right now.
Look at this.
This is what you're leaving.
You know what I'm saying? Like, this.
Aw.
This is definitely my first love.
And heartbreak.
It's just just sucks, because I love the shit out of her, and I can't imagine, you know, not waking up next to her, and I have to, and, you know All right, so you're doing what we're doing at V.
F.
E.
, and then incorporating it with the campus.
What I was thinking is, like, if we do if we do staff credentials.
Like if I go, "All right, I'm Sajdah.
"I'm a volunteer at Vote for Equality.
Um, I've worked on a lot of different campaigns, you know, in the past.
" I'll say, "but the difference about this campaign opposed to the other ones is it was one that directly affected me.
" I moved to L.
A.
a few months ago from D.
C.
I work at Vote for Equality as, like, a field organizer on college campuses, recruiting students to help to reverse proposition eight.
- This has to happen now.
- Mm-hmm.
This has to happen right now.
Proposition eight was a ballot measure that banned same-sex marriage in California.
We actually go out and talk to voters who, uh, voted for proposition eight, and try to understand why they did.
And we've actually changed the minds and hearts of a lot of people.
Oh, my God.
I'm putting in my two weeks, 'cause I can't work with you.
I'm gonna get fired either way.
Listen.
Let me tell you this.
She started it.
I look at her, and she giggles.
You can't turn a straight girl gay.
I'm sorry.
That's not my intention.
I'm telling you, I used to be a straight.
I still remember straight days.
Okay, go ahead.
I'm new to L.
A.
life and L.
A.
lesbians.
You know, like, I've only been out for a year.
And I was on the ballot for prom queen in high school.
Yeah, things have changed a lot.
I went through a transition.
After I first came out, it clicked.
But with my mom, she would say it shocked her.
She's like, "oh, it's just another phase.
Just like you wore light blue every day, or how you played football in middle school.
It's just a phase.
" And, um, but she quickly kind of saw that this one wasn't going away.
You're one pride away from entering the rainbow coalition.
We're gonna give you a complimentary pack of skittles.
- Get back to work, please.
- I'm working.
You're the one that's distracted.
"How a lesbian can make a baby.
Achieving motherhood is not straightforward for lesbians.
" No shit.
Kacy and I have been married for 2 1/2 years.
We had a very finite window to get married, because we were so afraid that prop eight was going to pass, and it did.
When are you ovulating? The third week in February.
How do you know this? Well, when you're trying to get pregnant, it's kind of important.
So now we're ready to have a baby and start our family and start the next chapter.
Time out.
We're not ready.
No one's ever ready.
Every year we have a different baby date, and then the baby date gets closer, and we're like, "uh " You know, you start to freak out.
So we just kind of looked at each other and said, "all right, that's it.
" "Let's just jump in and go for it.
" I need to do my basic a basic metabolic panel, and a C.
B.
C.
with diff with P.
I.
T.
But I feel like such an idiot.
I wonder if, like does everybody go through this? I just have no idea.
There's just too many options.
Well, we're gonna do it here.
Well, look at us.
We don't know what we're doing.
Okay.
You okay? I need a cigarette.
I think I might - need a cigarette.
- Making a baby is hard work.
Yeah, seriously.
And no fucking fun.
Where's all the fun? Starting this process is overwhelming.
I mean, we need to find a lawyer.
- Find a doctor.
- Find a doctor.
- Find a gay-friendly - Gay-friendly.
Um, quit smoking.
For the mom.
Yay.
Okay, so let's focus on the shit that we can control now.
So we know when you're ovulating.
At least we found a donor that really fits everything that we're longing for.
I've been friends with Brent for about eight years now.
We will call him this weekend.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but I kind of think we should talk to a doctor before we call him, because what if they need him out here maybe earlier than that to do some sort of tests, or you know? So the anonymous way, I mean, I you just don't know what you get, and I want I want a vibe of someone.
Like, you know, I don't want some Joe Shmoe that needed money for a six-pack so he went and beat off into a cup.
Just step by step.
We'll breathe through it.
It's gonna be fine.
It'll all be worth it.
All this craziness.
Jesus.
Hi.
Hi, my baby.
Hi, baby.
She's so excited.
Sara texts me that she has a couple of things she needs done around her apartment, fixing-wise.
- Hi.
- What do you have? I have tools.
No, I don't really have tools.
I only have a hammer.
We are not together.
And we should not be together.
Yep, Sara's making up excuses to get me over there.
I'm also falling into those traps, and going for those excuses.
You don't have a ladder? No.
So what? Are you gonna lift me? Can still lift your butt up.
Do you like the my grip that I have right here? It's good, right? No, you need it, like, up higher.
Oh, thanks.
All right.
Hold me.
'Cause if you let me fall Like, up, or just, like, in place? How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? - Yes.
- Good team.
Whoo! Who needs a ladder? I think one of the biggest things is I like taking care of people.
It makes me feel good or comfortable, and Sara likes being taken care of.
Whoa! You know what happens? There's a fan in there, so your hair could get sucked in.
Then I'll die.
Here you go.
No, put that down.
Oh, it's not too bad.
Here you go.
Take a bite.
It's chocolaty right here.
I always know how to win your heart.
I'm easy.
Chocolate, puppies.
Vaginas.
Thank you.
See ya.
See you later.
So I'll send you my bill.
Thank you.
I really - No problem.
- So I'll call you later? If I need any more a few things that need to be tinkered with.
Yeah.
- You know? - Mm-hmm.
Bye, Raja.
See ya.
All I know is I'm going home tonight, and I think it's the smarter decision.
Because I know in the depths of my brain that Sara is not good for me.
So this? Yes.
Oh, this is the quintessential L.
A.
jacket.
That's a quintessential lesbian jacket.
No, no, no.
But listen.
This is the L.
A.
jacket that you wear with the collar floppy, glasses, simple, like, white shirt.
No, I'm bringing New York there.
I'm not gonna dress like them.
Yeah, I know, but you can meet a happy medium, - and this black is good.
- Oh, I can Oh, good.
Okay.
And it's a good brand.
I don't know, but Oh, no.
Come stain.
- There's a come stain.
- Pussy sauce.
Me and Whitney dated for about 4 1/2 years when she lived in New York.
Well, we lived together for three years.
We had dogs.
We talked about getting married.
And then we broke up, because she swears that she didn't cheat on me, but she cheated on me.
And that's when she decided actually to move to L.
A.
This That's a no.
So then let's make a no pile.
I decided to move to L.
A.
Because I feel like I've done it in New York.
I'm at the top of my game here.
I've worked for two of the top hair stylists in New York, and I'm ready to work it out in L.
A.
Yeah.
Is that a clitoral stimulator? Oh, my God.
I hate you guys.
You guys are so stupid.
I was a little nervous about Rachel moving to L.
A.
, just because I've lived with Rachel and I've lived with Whitney.
Whitney's crazy in her own, like, nonchalant, "I don't notice what I'm doing, I'm not doing anything wrong," kind of way.
And Rachel's just more emotional.
All right, Hana's coming up.
Hana's coming up.
Hey, girl.
What's up, girl? How are you? How are you? Hana is Sara's ex of, like, five years.
And when I met Hana is when I found out that Whitney and Sara were dating.
I didn't even know who Sara was.
And I guess now through Hana again I find out that they're that they're not dating.
Do you need a cigarette? Oh Yeah, can I have one? God.
I hate you so much.
Look what I found when I was packing.
I have to say, like and nothing to down anyone Whitney dates, but I know her, and I know that no matter who she dates I will always be the Mary, and they will always be the Rhoda.
And that's just how it is.
These kids are gonna be scared.
If you were six and you saw this strapped to somebody, wouldn't you be a little ? I mean, I don't understand the point of this at all.
This seems drastic for these kids to be training on.
I enjoy working with Alyssa, doing special effects.
Today we are working on a job for the New Zealand red cross.
Stand up, you dick.
Sara keeps texting me.
You're too busy right now.
Text her.
Too busy.
Sorry.
I feel like I'm in this middle ground where I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
It's just a matter of keeping it in your pants or not.
I hate to sound like a judgmental asshole.
It's just I've known Whitney for 11 years, and I've known her long enough to know when something isn't going to work.
No one wants the two of them together.
If you ask every single one of your friends that's friends with Sara, every single one of them has had an issue with her.
If you can't trust her, then what do you have? A few months ago, all of her friends were like, "dude, we heard Sara say that she thought that Whitney had a big ego and she could never really be in a relationship with her, but that she thought that doing the show would be really advantageous to her career as a hair stylist.
" And we told Whitney all of this stuff.
It's just very hard for me to understand what it is that she sees in her.
Um, Rachel comes at, like, 5:00.
- Like 5:00-ish.
- I'm so excited.
I'm actually excited about her coming too.
- Two words.
- What? Be careful.
I mean, I love Rachel to death, and I think that Rachel has every intention of being your friend, but I think that there's also still feelings there.
Yeah, Rachel and I are very physically compatible.
Like, we've always had good sex.
I think I could always revisit something with her.
You know, I need, like, somebody to come sweep me off my feet.
So do you want to sleep with Rachel? No.
Really? Two days ago you said you were gonna have sex with Rachel.
Oh, my God.
Alyssa! You did.
I'm just saying.
I want to know if that changed now.
Fuckin' ass, dude.
All right, babe.
I'll call you before I take off.
Thank you.
All right.
Don't cry.
Let's just do this quickly.
I'll call you when I land.
I love you, baby.
So I just said bye to Vivian.
It was a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be.
Um It's gonna be okay.
Let's just not forget that.
All right? - I love you.
- Love you.
I'm gonna go.
I feel like a jerk, 'cause if somebody asked me to be okay with this, I wouldn't be okay.
But my intention is not to do anything to hurt her.
It's just to figure out myself.
I am really in love with Vivian, but I also have this connection to Francine that I can't deny, so it's not like I'm, you know, consciously trying to get Francine back, but there is that there is that thought.
How's it going? Pretty good.
I think.
I don't know.
You tell me.
- Ooh, it is looking good.
- Thanks.
It's time to go pick up Rachel.
- Is it? - Yep.
Brushes down.
- Hold on.
- It's Rachel time.
Yeah.
Ooh, are you nervous? I can tell you're nervous.
- You can? - Uh-huh.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
I want Whitney to be happy, and I want her to be with somebody that we all like and that we all trust.
I do have a high standard, but there are people out there that I like, you know? If she wanted to date Rachel, I would probably do a backflip right now.
I love Rachel, and I think they're great together.
You really think I look nervous? Yeah, you do.
Actually, the word would be "terrified.
" Shut up.
You look terrified that Rachel's about to be here.
You're so stupid.
Where is she? I don't know.
Oh.
Welcome to Los Angeles.
I expected you to have a chalupa for me.
This is the day that you never thought would come.
I know.
And now that it's here, I don't feel that you're as excited Shut up.
Let's see if this closes.
- It closed? - Like a glove.
Me and whit's relationship is amazing right now.
We have been communicating.
It's it's really like it used to be.
I would definitely say it's inevitable that me and Whitney are going to hook up.
Watch the turds.
- Where? - I don't know.
There might be some lingering about.
She's living in my house.
Like, she's staying in my back room.
She held a special place in my heart for years.
Who knows? I mean, we've given it a shot before, so I don't know if it's meant to be for the future.
Casual hook-up? It's a possibility.
This is where I live.
Hey, babe, I'm jumping in the shower.
Tonight Kelsey and I are meeting up with a friend, my friend Becky and her boyfriend David, who I hadn't seen in a little while.
Hot.
We're gonna have, like, just a nice dinner and some drinks, and it's, like, their first time meeting Kelsey.
Are you gonna be nice and social to everyone? Naturally.
God.
Don't ask Becky and her boyfriend What do you mean awkward question? What qualifies as an awkward question? What qualifies as an awkward question? Once you catch on that the response is, like, that the question is weird, then move on.
Well, you know what? I can do whatever I want.
Okay.
You can ask whatever you want then.
You want me just to sit there and be quiet and not say a word? No, I want you to ask questions.
Why? Are you embarrassed? No, I want you to ask questions, and I want you to get to know them.
Yeah, and that's what I'm gonna do.
Okay, then that's what you're gonna do.
Romi at times runs the relationship.
Things are usually on her terms.
When I'm in the moment and I'm doing something and she wants to protect me, or so I don't look foolish, she'll stop me.
No, like, let me do that.
I don't need her regulating any of that.
And it's really frustrating.
Feel better 'cause you showered? I'm listening to music, baby.
Okay.
Never mind.
Can you see me? Hold on a sec.
I don't even have a shirt on.
Come on.
You gonna make me late on my date, yo.
That's what you're wearing? It's a polo.
It's, like, a slim-fit polo.
No? It's, like, a open mic.
Oh, okay.
So it's real chill, right? So I'm good? - Yeah, you good.
- All right, then.
Cool.
Oh, shit.
Hold up.
Yo, that's her.
That's your date? Yeah, it's the girl.
Hello? Hey.
I wanted to, uh, give you a call, to let you know that I was definitely coming tonight.
- Oh, okay.
- What time's it starting? It's at 7:00.
We have some of the artists showing up right now.
It's gonna be good.
A friend who's a lesbian was talking about being on match.
Com, and it surprised me, because I thought match.
Com was only for straights.
So I just went and looked, and I saw Chanel.
Chanel's beautiful.
So I found her on Facebook, and, um, added her as a friend.
In the little Facebook exchange, she invited me to this show she was putting on that weekend.
So I was like, "all right, I'll be there.
" - Like, definitely.
- Go out and have a good time.
All right, I'll see you.
I'm worried that she might not look like her picture.
I'm worried that she might not be interested in me.
I'm worried that she might be a straight.
You know, like maybe she mistakenly clicked "women for women.
" So I'm excited, but kind of nervous at the same time, because it's a lot on the table.
Mom.
I just wanted to let you know I met someone out here.
Her name is Chanel.
I'm about to go meet her at this show.
She's cute of course.
Come on.
She's 24.
She turn 25 on the 30th.
Yes.
Aw.
Yeah, I'm excited.
I'm excited to meet up.
So we'll see how it goes.
What would be something crazy? I'm not having sex, ma.
All right, mommy.
I love you.
All right.
I love you too.
All right, I'll call you when I get back in the house.
All right.
She's the best.
I fuckin' love her.
It's all her fault.
'Cause I want somebody just like her.
Hello? Hi.
How are you? Oh.
You're late.
I know.
This L.
A.
traffic.
It's not like this on the east coast.
Okay.
I know.
I know.
How are you? I'm good.
How are you? It's nice to see you.
It's nice to meet you as well.
Like, looking at her, like She's beautiful.
Like, her body's nice.
I mean, she's, like, the right height.
Like, her walk I mean, everything.
Like, everything was there.
Let me go in and, uh, check on the poets, 'cause they're trying to sell their books right now, so I'm gonna go help 'em with that, and then, um, when we're kind of wrapping it up, I'll come back and find you.
All right, good.
All right.
Bye, honey.
Thank you, God.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes.
I think she might like me a little bit.
We'll see.
Hi, guys.
Hi.
Hi.
How are you? I'm good.
Good to see you, honey.
Good to see you.
- Hi, babe.
- Good to see you.
- Hi.
- Good to see you.
Here we are.
The two birthday girls.
We were all in L.
A.
at some point.
Birthday girls.
We had our birthday yesterday.
With Elvis.
Both: And David Bowie.
Elvis.
David Bowie.
And now we're celebrating in New York.
Yeah.
Can we have a kiss? Kiss.
Give me a kiss.
I love you.
That's all I get? Hey, that's all I get? Here we go.
Here we have the argument of the day.
That's all I get? Don't with your ugh.
That's all she wants to give me.
She's arguing with me today.
Kelsey thinks I don't give her enough attention.
But you're a guy.
You're different.
No, ask him.
Do you feel that Becky gives you enough attention? You want more attention, don't you? I know I want more attention.
- Oh.
- I don't think he does.
I think he's fine.
Are you content? Uh, content? No.
No, content's not a good word.
No, they're not just, like, satisfied.
So "content" is not a good word? No.
You're telling me that you're content, and you're suggesting that content is good.
I think so.
Content's not good.
I'm content.
How insulting.
So you're not happy.
How insulting.
I'm content.
Well, what would make you happy in this relationship? I want her to touch me more.
And why don't you touch her? Because she wants it so bad.
Because I need it.
It's, like, I give you everything you want.
What about Kelsey? Therapy.
Thank you.
Let's just go.
Let me go to the restroom.
I know.
And then we leave and we're like, "Did you did you enjoy that? I enjoyed that.
Did we all enjoy that?" - Let's go.
- Come.
- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
- Overwhelmed.
Look, we're content and we're going to the bathroom.
I love you and I give you, like, everything.
I show you love in so many ways.
It's just different than what you're asking for.
You are.
All right then.
So we've established that.
You just need a lot.
I hate that that's, like, how you think of us.
What? That I'm content? Well, that you're just content with me.
I think that you should look into the fact too that, like, yes, I don't give that much that way, but that maybe you've asked for a little bit more that most people can give, and maybe to look at that in yourself too, that it's okay for people to give it in different ways.
The thing is, I don't think I'm asking for too much.
Okay, and I don't think that I'm not giving too much.
That's why we're content.
- What? - Hello kitty vibrator.
Oh, God.
That's gonna make it all better.
I wonder if the hello kitty shoots sperm.
No? So I have a weird question.
- We're trying to make a baby.
- Okay.
And we would like to pretend to do it the old fashioned way, so is there anything that, like, you can strap on and squirt material at people? This would probably be the closest thing.
It's usually used as, like, a butt douche.
I'm not comfortable making our baby with a butt douche.
This feels very medical.
I'm just saying, like I mean, a turkey baster would be better.
This isn't gonna happen the all-natural way.
But, like, going to a doctor's office is a little clinical, so we would like to try it at least a couple times at home.
I could get, like, a jock strap, and we could just, like, put something in there that shoots it.
Do you think that we could modify one? - Home depot.
- That's the next stop.
You get the whole kit.
If it didn't work out here, that's the next stop.
I thought what we could do is we could take one that looked reasonable size, like, drill a hole in the middle, and just kind of shove it in.
My thinking is that we would get a straw, funnel it in there, and then kind of like, a, um, uh, what do you spit spit ball? Yeah, well, I You would stick it in there A spit wad? I don't know.
Yeah.
Never been so comfortable talking about sperm even when I was sleeping with men.
Sperm, sperm, sperm! You guys are even a little more comfortable about sperm than I am.
You'd be surprised.
Talk about it every day.
I want to know where the hello kitty vibrator is.
Does that by any chance squirt sperm? No, but the side that vibrates is actually her face.
I think we're gonna try home depot.
Bye, Tom.
Thank you.
Let's just go make a baby.
I'll just put it in you.
Like, I'm like I don't know where anything is.
- You know how that is for me.
- I do.
But I think I'm being pretty cool about it.
Pretty good.
Once you get to shower and decompress you'll feel good.
Yeah, I know.
- Hello? - Hi.
- Hi.
- What are you doing? What? I don't know.
I don't think so.
It's fine.
Okay.
I mean, she just got here, and it's been kind of hectic, and, you know She didn't really sleep last night and stuff, so I don't know.
You're not do you feel weird about her being here, or no? Yeah, I miss you, but I don't know.
It's like Sara and I have this magnetism towards each other, and it pisses me off.
I can't get away from her and she can't get away from me.
All right.
Bye.
Night.
I know there's attraction and a draw to Sara, and it's taking a toll on my soul.
So cheers.
Rachel, welcome to Los Angeles.
Welcome to the west coast.
The west coast is the best coast.
I'm really starting to get excited.
Tomorrow morning.
He needed a couple days to think about it a little more.
I told him, like, we're ready.
Brent's an ideal donor because he's far enough away where we don't really think he'll be day to day in the life of our child.
He's close enough to where we can fly him in for the whole stuffing.
That that sounds awful.
The stuffing.
The baby stuffing.
And he doesn't want to be involved.
He wants to be uncle Brent.
And I can deal with uncle Brent.
It's papa Brent that I would have a serious issue with.
So what if my vagina never goes back the way that it should be? Are you still gonna love it? Of course I'm still What if it's like I can't even take this conversation seriously.
Really? Virginia told me Oh, Jesus.
You know what? I'm gonna email her and be like, "Stop telling Cori things.
" She told me that her mom gave birth to an 11-pound child.
Oh, shit.
And she was all stitched up.
And she's sitting there in the chair.
She lifts up the gown and looks at her vagina and said, "holy fuck.
It's broken.
" I don't really care what your vagina looks like.
There's nothing it's hugging.
I mean, we can have more fun Promise you'll still love it? I will still love you even though your vagina's broken.
I will love you regardless.
I love you first thing in the morning.
I love you after a long night.
I love you piss-ass drunk peeing on the curb.
I love you in any way, shape, or form.
I wouldn't have married you if I didn't love you.
Let me get shit.
I don't know if I can reach.
Mm.
I love you.
I love you.
Being at the palms was, like, my first all-girl scene.
Like, ever, and it's amazing, 'cause it's really, like, all girls.
It's girls everywhere.
Beautiful women too.
It's like a kid in a candy store.
It's amazing.
But I was waiting for Chanel.
There we go.
Guys put a smile on my face.
I'm glad you guys came.
Let's go, then.
Chanel and I, we're almost, like, instantly comfortable.
We went from from being strangers to, like, that step of getting to know each other instantly.
It was really good.
It meant so much more than a dance.
And the dance was plenty by itself.
What? You're no good.
I got a after-party special? - What's that? - Right.
What do you really want for your birthday? Like I think I already got it.
I might have already gotten it.
I'm seri Why do you think I'm playing? I'm so serious right now.
You come with them player lines.
It's not How can anyone, like, trust you when you come with the with the game? It's not game.
Guard up.
That's not fair at all.
That's not fair.
Damn, I really like this girl.
I don't know.
It's there.
Like, I'm crazy attracted to her.
Kind of, 'cause I think I like you.
I'm not sure.
Yeah? Stop trying to get me to say mushy stuff.
There you go.
Yeah, just like that.
- You're so funny.
- This is good.
I had to work late today, and couldn't get to the airport in time to pick up Claire, so her parents went and picked her up.
Yeah, I'm excited to see her.
At the same time, um, I guess it is, like, some sort of anxiety there, because, um, I haven't seen her for a while, so It'll be interesting.
I was a little anxious about seeing Francine for the first time.
I feel like it's a very bold move that I just did to move out here.
You know? I just left my life and left my girlfriend to give this this girl a chance.
Oh, my God.
Hi.
- How are you? - Hi.
- Long time no see.
- I like your apartment.
It's much more set up than it was last time I saw you.
Well, this looks good.
- What looks good? - This looks good.
When I came here last time, there was, like, nothing back here.
I was giving you a compliment, so you could maybe take that.
I wasn't being mean.
The minute I walked into the door, all these past feelings came back, and we had a lot of unresolved issues.
I know that she comes with a lot of baggage.
And now again it's, like, when she comes here, I was placed right back into it.
Things were pretty weird last time we saw each other, though.
I didn't think they were weird.
Thought they were nice last time we saw each other.
- Think they're weird now.
- Things that were bad.
- Your birthday's next month.
- Oh, yeah.
I I'll be somewhere else.
Don't worry.
Great.
See ya.
Peace out.
Honey, you can't just say things like that and then, like, pretend like you don't say things like that.
Oh, really? Let's just be, like, honest.
Let's just be real here.
Well, what is going on? You're just upset with What are you doing? I'm not upset.
I have nothing but good intentions with coming out here.
So if you think I'm coming out here Coming out here for what again? - To come out here to - Why are you here? - Why are you here? - I want to moved here.
I wanted to move to L.
A.
Why L.
A.
? That's so random for you? You always used to talk shit about L.
A.
Why why are you here? - You know why I'm here.
- Why? Because I wanted to leave New York.
But you have a girlfriend.
Why are you in L.
A.
? - But - This is awkward.
- You should know - You're in love with a girl.
- Why are you here? - Franny, I do love Vivian.
So what are you trying to do? I'm just trying to understand you.
I'm not trying to do anything.
You're just being self-centered.
I'm being self-centered? Because you want your cake and you want to eat it too.
You want you want Vivian, but you don't want me to forget about you.
And you know what it is? I think that's fuckin' selfish.
You just need to be honest with yourself and with other people around you, because you're stomping on other people for your own benefit right now.
What do you want me to answer? Why I'm out in L.
A.
? I'm out in L.
A.
because I wanted to get away from New York.
I'm out in L.
A.
because I'm tired I'm tired of I'm tired of wondering about you.
Okay? I'm tired of it.
So I either want to figure it out with you Well, it's never gonna be figured out if you're fucking stringing everyone else along.
- Vivian - And you know what? I'm done.
I'm done.
I'm not gonna be a fucking pathetic person and wait around for your ass.
Franny, you have every right to be angry with me, - but don't say mean things.
- I'm not saying mean things.
Don't go to your bag of tricks, have a way to make me feel like a piece of shit.
I'm not making you feel like a piece of shit.
Well, you're doing a good job of it.
You always make me feel like a piece of shit.
When was the last time that I said anything mean to you? All the time where you called me and you said, "I have the best girlfriend ever, and I'm still in love with a piece of shit like you.
" That's fucked up.
And you want to have this argument No, I don't.
I don't.
I can't deal with this right now.
My God.
This is so bad.
I can't make excuses for my behavior.
I don't you know, on a level, she's right, but I just got here, and I wanted it to be nice.
And it's not nice already.
And it sucks.
Yeah, we're fine.
All right, then we're fine.
We're fine.
All right, honey.
Are you gonna be okay to walk? Let's get a drink.
Let's get a drink.
I just want to be with you.
You're with me.
Yeah.
Thank you for tonight.
Did you have fun? Yeah.
Thanks for being so amazing.
I love you, babe.
We got up to the point where we were going to have sex, and there was some, like, making out going on, and then did I just fall asleep? Pretty much.
It's 1:30 your time.
I know.
I'm I'm like, um you know, I didn't sleep literally, I didn't sleep last night, and the night before I slept for four hours.
So I'm running on on "I am totally delirious" fumes.
I think we're all gonna crash out early tonight.
I'm gonna go shower and go to bed.
All right, kiwi, you want to come with me? I know you do.
All right, good night.
Good night.
Good night.
All right, I'm gonna take a shower.
All right.
I'll see you at 8:30.
All right.
Good night.
I feel bad.
I know.
Obviously.
It's only natural that you would feel bad.
I didn't even tell Alyssa that I was leaving.
Alyssa is not a huge fan of Sara.
You know, she has good reason to not be 100% team whoo-hoo Sara.
Yeah, if I'm hiding something, I'm probably doing something wrong.
And I don't know on whose accord is that.
Like, who says I'm doing something wrong? Is it myself? Do I have a guilty conscience about it? Or is it about the wrath of Alyssa? Or all of the above? I'm gonna go ahead with "C," all of the above.
Oh, God, babe.
Sara's like a drug to me.
It's like putting a big old bag of heroin in front of a heroin addict and telling them they can't touch it.
He was supposed to call ten minutes ago.
"Hi.
I know this is a very difficult decision, but we are really " This is awful.
I don't know how to "I know this is a very difficult decision, "but we are really sitting here waiting by the phone.
Do you have any idea when we can talk?" I think it's honest and to the point.
Today's the day we're supposed to get our final decision.
You know, the final go-ahead that Brent's in.
And we had a phone date for 1:30.
I mean, I'm I'm totally freaking out, because I will be ovulating exactly a month from now.
I know you hate this.
No, it just sucks.
Like Just hate having no control over anything.
And I talked to him Like a year ago, when we started thinking, and he said, "Yes, of course," and now I don't know what happened.
Now I guess it's real, and He's more attached to his sperm than I thought.
What is that about? I mean, it's a big decision.
But I just I'm so frustrated.
Like, text me back.
Call me when you say you're gonna call me.
Like, this is my life too.
I feel like we are those girls.
Waiting by the phone.
Oh, my God.
"Sorry, guys.
I love you, but I think this is too much for me.
" So that's a no to it all, I take it? Fuck this.
Dang, man.
Fuck all of it.
I'm sorry.
That this is so hard.
I don't know.
Obviously I was just assuming, and, you know, going off what he said, that "Of course I want to be a part of it.
"Of course you can count on me.
I want to be the donor.
" And now all of a sudden just like that.
Like, why lead me on? Like, it's just it's frustrating, you know? We had a plan.
Okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's not fair.
It's okay.
Come here.
Come here.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Come here.