The Riches s02e01 Episode Script

Last season on The Riches.
- Now, who buys a house on the Internet? - A rich man.
- What about his job? - What about it? Someone's gonna come looking for him.
You tell me no one's coming through them doors tomorrow? I don't know who's coming through those doors tomorrow.
Okay, I'm confused.
I don't get it.
What's the angle here? - How are we bleedin' 'em? - We're not bleeding anyone.
- Oh, we're not? - Then what are we doing here, Dad? The American dream.
[Cael.]
What? We're gonna steal it.
Hi.
I'm Doug.
I'm Doug.
[Deeper Voice.]
I'm Doug.
Hi.
Doug.
Doug Rich.
[Softer Voice.]
Doug Rich.
Doug Rich, meet your new team.
Panco team, meet your new legal chief.
- Doug! - [Wayne's Voice.]
Come and meet our new neighbors.
- I'm Jim.
This is my wife, Nina.
- [Nina.]
Hi.
Andrea said we should introduce ourselves.
- Wayne.
- Dahlia.
- Doug.
- Cherien.
How do you do? I'm Mrs.
Doug Rich.
- Haven't you read Calder v.
Bull? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Have you read Hester v.
Straplink? Ratzen v.
Katzen? You are the best goddamn lawyer I ever met.
Dad, we have to do something.
Dale came here for us.
He's not going anywhere.
[Wayne.]
Dale seems to have been here for a while now.
He could've blown our cover at any point and he didn't.
Why is that? He's Dale.
He's working an angle.
I don't know.
- Doug.
- Dale.
We have a lot to talk about, my friend.
Doug is a Republican.
His best friend is Pete.
Pete's a mortgage broker from Dallas.
He's e-mailed twice about a golf trip.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Uh, is, uh, Doug here? Doug who? - Pete? - Guess you're probably surprised to see me here, Wayne.
You and I both know you're not Doug Rich though everyone here seems to think you are.
Who are you? And where the hell is my best friend, Doug Rich? - I don't like Wild Berry.
- Oh.
- Yeah, you do.
You do.
- I do? Oh.
- You like it.
Okay.
- [Gurgles.]
Okay.
Got about an hour.
[Cell Phone Ringing.]
- It's Hugh.
- We don't have time for Hugh.
Hey.
Hey, man.
Can we talk? What? It- Hugh, it is - She locked the doors on me.
- Wayne, we gotta go.
And we had this fight.
I said some stuff.
I called her names.
Pete is not dead.
He is asleep.
We do not have all day.
Said I was the saddest person she ever met.
- She didn't mean that.
She was upset.
- We are headin' out.
I'm here sittin' here, telling you I need you.
[Crying.]
I'm on my way.
[Beeps.]
Oh, dear Lord.
What happened to you? - I won't ask.
- Oh, Nina.
- I won't tell.
- I know.
I just wish- Wish I could come with you.
I just wish I had the guts.
Mr.
Rich? Mrs.
Rich? Everything okay up there? [Pete.]
Please, help me! [Panting.]
You're that guy in the truck.
Yeah.
I'm a handyman.
- Where we gonna go? Mexico? - I vote Canada.
- It's too far, Di.
Come on.
- What do you say, baby? Wherever we go, we gotta go right now.
Mexico it is.
Sorry, Di Di.
I could do with a margarita.
[Engine Cranks.]
So this, uh, Doug and Cherien- the Riches? You known 'em for years? They're real? Or they were.
[Inhales.]
And these people, whoever they are- they took over their lives.
Information like that you could really hold over somebody's head.
You could use that to get some serious green.
- You mean blackmail them? - Mmm.
Are you out of your mind? I don't want money.
L- I want my friends! I gotta go to the police, have those two arrested.
I have to find out what they've done with my friends.
My God! What-What am I doing here? What's wrong with me? - They're getting away as we speak.
- No, they're not going anywhere.
- Distributor cap's gone.
- Shit! Great.
What the hell are we gonna do, you guys? - It's gotta be Dale.
- That guy's probably awake by now.
No, no, no, no.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay, 'cause, um- 'cause your dad has a plan.
You comin'? [Grunts.]
[Groans.]
Oh, God.
Yeah, Pete.
I'm comin'.
Let's go for a little stroll.
- You don't have a plan.
- Um- - Well, not at the moment.
- Ah, shit.
- Shit.
- We gotta get outta here.
Come on.
How much money we got? - [Cael.]
Seven grand.
- Seven grand? Your dad fakes it as a lawyer for three months - and all we got to show for it is seven grand? - Calm down.
- There's nowhere to run to.
- We gotta get outta here.
If Pete wakes up calls the cops, we're gonna get busted for killing the Riches.
Okay, this is what we'll do.
I'll go back to the house, get the Mercedes, pick everyone up.
- No.
The house could be crawling with cops.
- I'll take that risk.
Wayne, Dale could be waitin' for you anywhere.
- Yeah, well, I'll take that risk.
- Shit, Sam's gone.
- Sammi? - Sam.
- Sammi.
- Sam? - Sam? Sam? - Oh, Sam.
Sam! - Wait, wait, wait! - Baby, what the hell? - I have a plan.
- Okay.
Well, what's your plan, sweetheart? - Where'd you get this? - In the woods, where you buried it.
- I wanna give it to Pete.
- Gonna bribe Pete? You had this all along without telling us? I was saving it for a rainy day.
Oh, my God.
When Uncle Earl died and your dad had to break into Hugh's office so that Dale wouldn't kill him, that wasn't rainy enough for you? - Not as rainy as this.
- You're gonna bribe Pete? No, you can't bribe Pete, sweetheart.
You can't bribe men like Pete.
- Not with this.
- Why not with this? Money makes the world go round.
Every man has his price.
Hey.
Okay, good try.
Go wait for us in the R.
V.
[Sniffles.]
All right.
Get in the car.
What's wrong? Get in the car.
Want you to grab the kids, get the hell outta here.
- I will meet you in Galveston.
- Wayne, get in the goddamn car.
I'm not going, baby.
Got the 40 grand and the seven grand we saved up.
- I'm gonna talk to him.
- Wayne.
Like Sammi said, "Money makes the world go round.
" Wayne, he's a little boy.
You're a grown man.
There's things you want, and there's things that are.
- You gotta know the difference.
- I have to try.
Baby, you can't bribe Pete.
Don't you get it? He's honest.
Baby, then I will buy you a little time and get you closer to Mexico.
Wayne, get in the goddamn car.
If anyone's going to prison, this time it's me.
No, Wayne.
Baby.
[Sighs.]
[Engine Starts.]
[Car Departs.]
~ [Cartoon On TV.]
[Chattering On TV.]
Pete? - Pete! - [Child's Voice On TV.]
Yes, I can! - Pete! - Yes, I can! - Where are you, Pete? - Hey, wait a minute! Now, you just go on.
You show 'em what you're made of.
[Grunting.]
Like this.
- Pete? - And plié and arabesque.
- [Laughs.]
There you go.
- Pete, you okay? - There you go, Robin Hoodwinked.
- I'll save you, Maid MaryJane! I'll save you! I'm coming! - Oh! Oh! - Pete? - Boo! [Laughing.]
- Jesus! I scared you.
[Laughing.]
- Ooh.
Rough night, huh? - Go shit yourself.
Pete? Pete? Pete? Pete, you okay? [Chuckles.]
- Where is he? - Shh! [Dale.]
I love this part.
Oh.
[Dale.]
Mmm! I spilled a little bit on your bed.
- Pete? - Really nice bed.
It's very soft.
- Pete! - Pillowy.
Pete! Where are you, Pete? - Mmm.
- [Line Ringing.]
- What did you do with Pete? - Mmm.
[Woman's Voice.]
The mailbox for the subscriber you are trying to reach is full.
- Pete who? - Please try again later.
- Pete! - I'm just pulling your leg.
You're talking about your buddy, right? Talking about your buddy Pete? - Where are you, Pete? Pete! - You really got- You're really gonna wanna- You're really gonna wanna see this one.
Yes, sirree.
Is that, uh, you, Doug? - Please try your call again later.
- That you and your other wife? - What do you want? - What do I want? [Sighs.]
I wanna sit down and formulate a little plan.
- Blow it out your ass.
- So what'd you do? Did you kill 'em, Wayne? - Pete! - Kill 'em, move into their house, start living their lives? - Pete! - Is that what you did? You stole their names? - I didn't kill anyone.
- No.
Where's Doug and Cherien Rich, huh? Where the hell are Doug and Cherien Rich? I got all the cards, Wayne.
I'm holding all the cards, and you're holding none.
So, what do you wanna do? [Groaning, Coughing.]
- Where is he? - Screw you.
It's just a little blood.
Calm down.
Oh.
- Right now.
Where is he? - Put that thing away.
- Where is he? - Look, Pete's alive.
He's just a little hurt, but he's fine.
- Bullshit! - Look, he was gonna go to the cops.
I had to stop him.
I did you a favor.
I did you a favor! Wayne, wait.
I did you a goddamn favor, Wayne! Where are you go- I did you a favor! - What are you doing? - None of your damn business! Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I'm a moron? - Well- - Look, you ain't gonna find him.
He is safe and sound, tucked away.
- Yeah? - [Line Ringing.]
[Cell Phone Ringing.]
[Woman's Voice.]
The mailbox of the subscriber you are trying to reach is full.
Shit.
Hey, man.
Man, wake up.
- [Hammer Hits Ground.]
- Come on.
Come on.
Wake up! Wake up! - I j- Uh, I just, um- - You-You killed him.
I just- I hit him, and then- But he fought back.
He- - You murdered him! - No, I did- I did you a favor.
- You murdered him! - I did-You were in a shit storm - and-and-and I swept up all the shit.
- Back up, Dale.
- You owe me big goddamn favors, Doug Rich! - Oh, yeah? - You- - Just back up.
Back up.
- What are you doin'? - I'm gettin' the hell away from you! - Jesus.
- [Engine Revs.]
I will call the cops.
I will call the cops on you.
- I don't care! - Then they will think that you did it - because people saw you with Pete.
- Well, call 'em! Go on! - Call 'em! - [Grunts.]
I will tell them- I will tell them that you killed the Riches.
Just go ahead and do it, goddamn it! - [Tires Squealing.]
- [Grunts.]
- Whoa! - Oh, shit.
[Groans.]
Jesus.
- [Groaning.]
- Hugh.
Shit.
Help me get him in the house.
Come on.
All right, Mama.
Mind your head.
Get your foot in.
Here's your blanket.
- Hey, hey, hey.
What are you doin'? - It's my stuff.
- Take that back.
- Oh, come on, Mom.
I actually bought this shit.
Well, you should've robbed it, 'cause we're only taking necessities.
Go on, Di.
- You ask me, you never should've let him go back.
- I'm not asking you.
- Yeah, Mom.
It's bad luck.
- Don't say that! Mom, it's bad luck.
We work when we're together.
You know that.
Well, we're not together, okay? Your dad is a stubborn ass.
- We have to wait for him, Mom.
- We have to go back for him.
Don't you think I tried? Hey, look.
I know you're scared.
This is what we do.
We can do this, all right? We split apart.
We come back together.
We go on the road.
Um, just how we live our lives.
You forgotten that? Go on.
Go close up the R.
V.
Let's go.
Oh.
You can't take all those books, sweetheart.
- How many can I take? - Well, none of them.
I mean, we're fully loaded up.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
We don't need these damn buffer clothes anyhow.
Go on.
Don't tell your brother or sister.
[Cael.]
Whoa.
Easy there, speedy.
Man.
Got to keep your eyes on the road, Ma.
Eyes on- Eyes on the road, Ma.
Watch it! Oh! Shit.
Sorry.
[Di Di.]
What the hell is that? [Dahlia Exhales.]
[Di Di.]
Mom, what is that? [Dahlia.]
Oh, shit.
Nina? I changed my mind.
As it happens, I do have 'em.
- Have what? - The guts.
Oh.
Nina, sweetheart, you can't come with us.
My life's in shambles, Dahlia.
My future's bleak, my marriage is bust.
I mean, look at me.
Do I look like a woman with something to lose? I guess not.
Mom, we can't.
Cael, get in the back.
Come on.
- Get in, Gypsy Rose Lee.
- Sorry, Grandma.
Come on, Sammi.
You don't need all that space for your little butt.
- [Cael.]
Squish.
- [Di Di.]
Sorry.
[Man.]
And in local news, the political scandal continues to grow- - What's wrong with Justin? Ducaine MayorJustin Lemieux.
- Don't move.
Just keep- Hugh? - Mmm.
- Keep this against your head, okay? - Oh.
- Justin's busted.
with an alleged prostitute.
- Who are you? - I'm Doug Rich.
with the mayor continuing to deny all charges.
- Your friend? - Then why'd you try to kill me? - I didn't know you were there, Hugh.
- Bullshit.
- No, I was just back- I was coming to see you.
That's really bullshit.
You never even asked where I was- - Jesus! Who the hell is that? - Whoa.
- Hey there, Mr.
Panetta.
- Doug, what the hell's goin' on? - Hugh, this is Dale.
- Ah.
He is a local handyman.
He is just helping me around the house.
- At 4:00 in the mornin'.
- Well, we had a spillage.
- [Beeping.]
- [Groaning.]
Okay.
Okay, just stay here.
[Groans.]
Man! We have been acquainted, Mr.
Panetta, at your wedding.
That's a sweet ride you have out there- the Denali.
- [Hugh.]
Yeah.
- Vortec 6.
2 liter.
I'm gonna have one of those one day, if I work hard.
- That's what I tell myself.
- Whatever floats your boat.
[Hugh Groans.]
- Help you out.
- Whoa.
Easy, easy.
- What? - Your hands.
- What? - Kinda dirty.
- [Chuckles.]
So? - So I don't like it.
Germs.
- Little germs never hurt nobody.
- No, I said don't touch me.
[Stammering.]
Gee! Gee! Tell him not to touch me! - Shh! - No, get away.
Get away from me! [Hugh.]
Oh, man.
No! - Morning, Officer.
- Is this your vehicle, sir? It is.
I am so sorry.
Well, you realize that it's, uh, illegally parked up here on your lawn.
I know.
I know.
I needed the bathroom so bad, I just- Pssh.
Well, I'm sorry to bother you at this time of night, sir, but we just can't have this.
L- I understand.
This is no bother at all, Officer Delroy.
"Del-roy.
" I'm, uh, the new cohead of Edenfalls Security.
Well, it is very good to meet you, Officer Delroy.
I am Doug Rich.
- So you will repark the vehicle? - Absolutely.
I will.
The key's inside.
- I'll just- - When? It'll be done.
I will do it right away.
- [Metal Creaking.]
- [Cael.]
Car sounds awful.
[Sighs.]
Mom, it's gettin' worse.
You gotta pull over.
We can't stop.
Cops may have an A.
P.
B.
Out on us.
The car is bleeding antifreeze, Ma.
Okay, would you just stay with me, please, children? We're gonna pull in the next town, dump this piece of shit.
Cael's gonna steal a new car, 'cause that's what he does, and that's what we do.
Mom, I really don't want to go Mexico.
You're gonna have to go to Mexico, sweetheart, because it's either that or prison.
So, adios, amigo.
La freakin' cucaracha.
So Doug is not a lawyer.
He isn't even Doug.
His name's Wayne.
- Wayne Malloy.
- Wayne? Well- - And you're Dahlia Malloy? - That's right.
- And the kids? - Kids are Malloys too.
Then who are the Riches? [Sniffles.]
I don't know.
You mean you never met 'em? Wejust stole their credit cards, Nina.
We're-We're not their best friends.
- So you're con artists.
- That's right.
- Some kind of identity thieves.
- Ha.
Yeah.
W-We're drifters, Nina.
We are grifters and drifters and nomads.
We are the scourge of the goddamned earth.
We are Travellers! Right? Mmm, don't make Mama sing.
Come on.
~ Busted flat in Baton Rouge ~ ~ Waitin' on a train ~ ~ Feelin' 'bout as faded as my jeans ~ ~ Bobby flagged a diesel down ~ ~ Fore the rain ~ ~ Drove it all the way to New Orleans ~ Would you please sing with me? We're living large, man.
We're on the road.
Come on, goddamn it.
Sing.
~ Freedom's just another word ~ ~ For nothin' left to lose ~ ~ Nothin', I said, nothin', honey, if it ain't free ~ ~ And feelin' good was easy enough when ~ ~ Bobby sang the blues ~ - ~ Feelin' good was good enough for me ~ - [Engine Sputters.]
- Shit.
Oh, my God.
- [Cael.]
And there she goes.
- [Di Di.]
You like that song? - Nice.
That's good, Mom.
- Aw, shit.
- [Di Di.]
Thank goodness.
I should've stopped earlier.
[Chuckles.]
~ Bobby McGee ~~ - [Di Di Coughing.]
- [Engine Sputtering.]
- [Shouting.]
- What the hell's goin' on? [Wayne.]
Just-Just be calm.
Keep that ice bag against your head.
Don't you tell me what to do, and you keep your dirty hands away from me.
- Shut up, Hugh.
- Don't tell me to shut up.
I'll say whatever l- You shut up.
Car keys.
- What? - Give me your car keys right now.
Oh, hold on.
L- - Shit.
- You lost your car keys? Oh, no, no.
Shit.
Shit, it's- - No, it's, uh- - You lookin' for this? - Yeah.
- Fell out of your coat while you was unconscious.
Thought I'd keep it for safekeepin'.
Thanks.
- Uh- - Dale.
Dale.
Tussey Custom molded grip.
Matter of fact, it is.
Fact it is.
Sweet.
Okay, car keys now.
Quickly! Ah.
- So, Dale, know your Tussey, huh? - Huh.
Yeah, I know my guns.
I can't find the keys.
I'll move it first thing in the morning.
- Is that your vehicle too? - Yes, that is.
- You got a busted taillight there.
- Yes.
Fender bender.
- [Imitates Crash.]
- With the Denali? No.
Well, you can't drive around like that.
- I know.
- You want some help with it? - No, I'll be fine.
- Well, they probably got some replacement bulbs - in the trunk there.
- Uh, yes.
L-I believe they do.
- But I'll-I'll be fine.
[Chuckles.]
- Well, you sure? - Yeah.
- It'll only take a second.
I like to do those things myself, you know.
Shows you're a man about the house.
[Cell Phone Ringing.]
- What's that? - What was that? - Well, that sound.
- Is that an owl? - Sounds like a cell phone.
- Oh, that's- that's my cell phone.
- In the trunk? - Yeah.
[Ringing Continues.]
Well, aren't you gonna answer it? - No.
- Well, it's 5:00 in the morning.
It could be important.
Not at 5:00 in the morning.
My kids, they did this.
That's where they hid it.
Oh.
- Well, okay.
It's none of my business.
- I've been lookin' for it all day.
- Well- - The kids, they just- My eldest, I just can't deal with him.
He's just does this.
Well, it's none of my business, sir.
You have a good evening.
Thank you very much, Officer.
[Gunshot.]
- [Dog Barking.]
- That was a gunshot.
That sounded like a loud cough.
- I have to investigate this, Mr.
Rich.
- I don't even have a gun.
L- I know who it is.
It's my friend, and he has a cough- - Look, I have to do my job, Mr.
Rich.
- No, it's- - Step away from the path, sir.
- I can't.
I pay your wages and know my rights.
- Step away from the path now, sir! - I will not do that.
- Step away from the path, sir! - I cannot do that.
- [Gunshot.]
- [Glass Shattering.]
That- - That's what I'm trying to tell you, Dale.
- [Laughing.]
- Tussey's got a hairline trigger.
- Whoo! - Sure does.
- ~ [Rock, Indistinct.]
Who the hell are you? Sir, I have reason to believe there was a gunshot.
Nope.
There no gunshot.
~ Wrapped up by love Surrounded by hate ~ Sir, I heard a gunshot.
Now, are you the owner of the- - Who the hell are you? - Hugh, calm down.
This is Officer Moody.
Officer Delroy Moody.
Security.
He's not even a cop.
Sir, I'm gonna ask you again.
Where is the gun? - Uh- - Shut up.
Don't give it to him, Dale.
[Delroy.]
I think your friend here is a little drunk.
He's trespassin'! You tell him, "Go home.
'" - Shut up, Hugh.
- Sir, let's just try to be responsible here.
[Hugh.]
He's got no power.
He's a rent-a-cop.
He is bullshit! Now, be a man and tell him to go home! Sir, please.
You heard the man.
Go home.
[Hugh Stammering.]
Jesus, Dale! I didn't say pull the gun on him.
Dale, give the officer the gun, please.
I said go home.
Sir, I can't go home.
I am on duty.
This is my job.
If I see alcohol and there is a gun involved I'm required by law to confiscate the gun.
Well, come and get it.
- Dale.
- Dale.
No, I said- I said come and get it, bullshit man.
~ [Continues, Indistinct.]
Put the gun down, Dale.
Make me.
Just how do you want this to end? Do you wanna take him out too? Do you want to go to prison, or do you want to be my partner? Just how much blood do you want on your hands? ~ Stick your teeth in ~ - ~ T rust that you weep ~ - 50-50.
- ~ Snake bite its tail ~ - Yeah? ~ Circle complete ~ ~ Starvin'yourself You feed off the pain ~ ~ That larger than God Control of the rain ~ Okay.
Okay.
[Laughing.]
- Whoo! - [Hugh.]
Jesus.
- Blunt, huh? - Don't like the smell of this town.
All right.
Blunt's what we got.
- We're gonna get a car and get the hell out, right? - Mom, I'm starving.
- I could use a shower! - Honey, you got a bug in your hair, okay? - Come on, girl.
- A normal breakfast is all we're asking for.
[Cael.]
I'djust like to point out that if you hadn't got rid of the toolbox - we wouldn't be in this mess.
- I had to take it out for Sammi's books.
- You should've spoke up.
- Grandma looks tired.
I think we need to get her something to eat.
God, when'd you kids become so soft? Mama, y'all want some pancakes? Mama? Mama, talk to me.
Is she dead? Mama? Mama.
Cael, put her over there on that bench.
Now, honey, be careful.
- Mama.
- Okay.
Here we go.
You're all right.
Mind her head.
Oh, Mama, please don't die.
- Is she breathin'? - Mmm.
- I can hear her heart.
Di, you hear her heart? - Uh- Yeah.
It's just faint.
We gotta take her to the hospital.
Hospital.
[Delroy.]
Mr.
Rich, I have to report this to the police.
- A law was broken.
- Officer Delroy- Please call me Doug, okay? I just want to say one thing.
Do you know who that man is over there? Like I said, I'm new here.
Well, he is Hugh Panetta.
I mean, he made all this.
Doug, with all due respect, God made all this.
No, no, no, no.
All-All this.
This, the Edenfalls.
Hugh Panetta, his company carved out and created this community of Edenfalls.
I mean, you got him to thank for your job.
Well, I suppose technically I did trespass on your property.
Yeah, well, that is-That's a legal situation you got yourself in there.
- I know.
I'm a lawyer.
- But I still have to turn in this gun.
[Wayne.]
Then you turn the gun in.
You keep it in the bag.
- It's safe there.
- [Hugh.]
What the hell? God.
Well, Doug, for your information, I am not bullshit.
It is my job to keep this place safe.
- I know.
- And I'm gonna do it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
[Hugh.]
Oh, hey.
Screw him.
I got another one.
[Buzzing.]
- Okay.
- [Claps Hands.]
- We gotta get you back home.
- I can't go home.
- [Sighs.]
- My heart's broken, Doug.
I lost my wife.
- What did you do? - Tried to give her this ring.
And I was all excited about it too.
I wrapped it up.
I stuck it under her pillow.
Shit.
- She didn't like it? - No, she liked it.
- [Groans.]
God.
- What's your problem then? She didn't love it, what the problem is.
- How do you know she didn't love it? - The eyes.
I could tell.
Somethin' in the eyes.
You know, when a girl's lyin' to you, she's tryin' to be polite.
I said, " Baby, you don't love it.
Why are you lying to me?" And she's all, "Dreams are complicated, Hugh.
" - Perhaps she was telling the truth about the ring.
- Lyin', Doug.
I know what lying is.
So I asked her politely not to lie to me and to be happy! I mean, she jiggy-danced in Vegas for a living.
Now she's living in a house on a hill.
I'm making her dreams come true.
Least she could do is be happy about it.
Huh? Huh? So she cried a little.
Said she was happy.
And I guess I sorta took the ring and just stuck it on her finger.
Ring didn't fit.
It's too small.
I drew some blood.
She called me a monster, saddest man she ever met.
So I pulled it off and threw it in the toilet.
- I think it broke.
- The toilet? The finger.
Anyway she was in pretty bad pain, and I tried to call 911.
- She kicks me out on the street.
- How'd you get the ring back? - What? - From the toilet? What's she mean, "Dreams are complicated," Doug? Oh, God, I don't know.
Maybe she meant, you know now that she's got the house on the hill, she doesn't want the house on the hill.
- Then why'd she marry me? - Maybe she married you for who you are.
Who I am is a guy with a house on the hill! Look, you busted her finger.
You want to apologize, you get down on your hands and knees.
You crawl and you ask for forgiveness.
Then you get some time off and you take a vacation.
Mmm.
No.
No.
Can't.
You can't crawl on your hands and knees? - No.
Can't take a vacation right now.
- Hugh - just take a vacation, okay? - [Groans.]
Can't.
- Take a vacation.
- I can't.
Come here, buddy.
Come here.
Take a look at this.
Bayou Hills, Doug.
We can't pass it up.
- Hugh, there will always be another deal.
- No.
Not gonna be another Bayou Hills as long as we live.
That's why I came over here to talk to you tonight.
No, you came over here to talk to me about your wife.
- Her too.
Here.
Look at this.
- Christ.
Uh, right.
Sweet.
Excellent.
Sweet? It's the deal of a lifetime, Doug.
The state took our bid.
We're all in.
We're not callin', we're not raisin'- We're all in.
[Laughs.]
Five days to raise the money.
This goes through, Panco makes 150 million.
I make a third of that, and you cash in on a baker's dozen- 13 million, Doug.
Thirteen million? Well, um, your mother's heartbeat is very faint.
- Well, what's wrong with her? - Calm down, ma'am.
She, uh, has arrhythmia.
Now, that's either from heart disease or she's dehydrated and drunk.
Has she been drinking? - No.
Of course not.
- You're sure of this? - Not that I know of.
- 'Cause she reeks of alcohol.
[Sniffs.]
~ [Radio: Country.]
- Mmm.
No go? - Can I see your I.
D.
, please? Yeah.
Hold on.
- Well, there we are.
[Chuckles.]
- [Sighs.]
Can you hear me, sweetheart? Uh- - Morgenstern.
- Morgenstern? Ms.
Morgenstern, uh, would you try to sit up for me.
- It's Dr.
Morgenstern.
- Oh, is she a doctor? - No.
- Uh, I want a large Cadillac.
[Laughs.]
Everyone does, dear.
- Does she have dementia? - We think.
- You think? - Uh, we're sure.
- Well, how was she diagnosed? - Alzheimer's.
- Dementia.
- Well, they're- You know, there was a big debate goin' on among the doctors who treated her.
So many things in here.
There we go.
Yeah.
- Thank you, Miss Prestwich.
- Of course.
- Just never know who's spending your money these days.
- Don't I know it.
- How old is your mother, Mrs.
Prestwich? - She's 78.
Seventy-eight? Um, let me see here.
Yes, uh-Your daughter says she's 91.
- Well, that's incorrect.
- All right then.
I'm gonna need to admit your mother to Blunt Presbyterian.
- What? She's just drunk.
- Ma'am, you don't know much about your mother's health.
You gave her alcohol.
You barely know how old she is.
Now, if anything, that's elder abuse.
You sayin' I abuse my mother? - Do you know how old your mother is? - I beg your pardon.
Do you know how old your mother or wife is? Do you know about their health affairs? When was the last time your wife had a Pap smear? - [Chuckles.]
Well, as a matter of fact- - I don't wanna know that.
That's not the point.
I love her.
How dare you accuse me of elder abuse? I'm outraged! You just calm down, ma'am.
Your mother is coming with me and she's coming to Blunt Presbyterian.
Now, you just wait here a moment, and I'll be right back.
Son of a bitch.
White coat say I don't love my mama and take care of her.
I'm a good daughter.
Have you- Have you used that card recently? Um, you know, I don't know.
May-Maybe not recently.
Yeah.
That must be the problem then.
Bet they froze it for security.
Ma'am, please.
I really just want to get my grandmother treated.
That's why you should give those Visa folks a call.
- The card's dead.
- Oh, shit.
Shit.
- If they froze Prestwich, they froze 'em all, huh? - I guess.
Probably.
- Hey, you got any cards? - Uh, l-l-I left 'em.
I left all my credit cards and cash.
- You ran away without a penny? - Yeah.
- Why? - L- I thought it'd be more fun.
You know, kinda live off the earth.
Okay, you gotta get cash.
Okay.
All right.
Pay with that.
Find out exactly what medications they need for her.
Okay.
Screw Blunt Presbyterian.
She just gotta get rehydrated.
Okay.
Y'all wanna live off the earth? Now's your chance.
[Scrubbing.]
- I can't believe Grandma was drunk.
- She was.
- Whew! - She wouldn't even let me have a sip.
Wow.
She drank that whole thing of whiskey.
- I know.
- That was-That's, like, unbelievable.
[Cael.]
Hey.
- What's goin' on here? - Football night.
- Oh, that figures.
- [Woman.]
Everything all right here, folks? - Great.
Thank you.
- Good.
Thank you.
- You ordered too much.
- So what? We'll just take some of it with us.
We don't have the cash, Di Di.
We had to pay for Mama.
We're goin' on the road.
We gotta pay for gas and drugs for her.
- Whatever you haven't started, we're sending back.
- I'm eatin' my steak and eggs.
- Cael.
- Ma? - Cael.
- Ma.
I'm gonna get up.
- Don't you do any- - I'm gettin' up.
- Don't you do- I'm warnin' you.
- I'm goin' to the bathroom.
Such a little bastard.
Can I eat my steak and eggs? - Cael.
- That's nice.
That's real nice.
You robbin'old ladies now? Hmm? Feel good? Do you feel good? That was a shitty thing to do.
And let that be your "come-upponce.
" Mom, I think the word is "comeuppance.
" What are you, the word police? You shut your piehole.
Wrap that steak in a napkin.
Go steal me a car.
- Don't you look at me like that.
- Can I come? No, sweetheart.
Starsky don't need no Hutch.
- You all right there, ma'am? - Uh- - Are you short? - I thought I had $40.
Oh, sweetheart.
I know how that is.
Here you go.
Don't you mind that.
Ow.
Jesus! Nina.
Scared me to death.
I just want to see how it's done.
[Engine Cranks, Starts.]
Which way, Doug? - Which way to the light? - [Sighs.]
[Wayne.]
Just through these doors.
- [Door Opens.]
- [Cell Phone Buzzing.]
- [Door Closes.]
- [Beeps.]
I can't talk.
I'm with him now.
Hey.
This goddamn town is giving me the creeps.
- Let's get Mama and get outta here.
- [Cell Phone Beeping.]
- Wayne? - Hey, partner! We said 50-50.
- Wayne? - [Whispers.]
I love you.
- Huh? - I love you.
Well, okay.
I love you.
Where are you? - Uh, I'm at the house.
- Where's Pete? We are in this together.
Did you really think that spikin' my scotch would lick me? Pete's fine.
Everything's all right.
Everything's all right.
Wayne? - Well, everything's all right.
- So where do you think you're goin'? Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus.
This is my van.
Hey, hey, the gang's all here.
Get out of the car.
I am talking about a certain dead body festering in the trunk.
I know what you're talking about, and I am dealing with it.
So why don't you get out of the goddamn car now? This ain't your car.
And that ain't your house.
And I don't know Doug Rich, but I'm assuming he, too, is in a festering condition.
Am I right? So you rat me out, I rat you out, vice versa and so on.
Mutually insured destruction.
We're in this together.
Two peas in a pod.
Mutually assured destruction, you asshole.
That's right.
Mutually assured, mutually insured to the bitter end.
So, Douglas, what's the plan? [Sighs.]