The Tick (1994) s02e01 Episode Script
The Little Wooden Boy and the Belly of Love
[alarm buzzing.]
[sign buzzing.]
[ticking.]
- [rumbling.]
- [gasping.]
It's Blow-Hole! [sighs.]
Yeah, there he goes.
[man.]
As the East Coast today was literally shaken by the return of Blow-Hole, the legendary long-distance leviathan, who, ten years ago, baffled the nation when he jumped out of the Pacific Ocean and ran straight across the country.
- Blow-Hole! - Blow-Hole! - Blow-Hole! - [both.]
We love you, Blow-Hole! [rumbling.]
Oh, man.
My Microbus.
One week later, Blow-Hole plunged into the icy waters of the Atlantic, disappearing without comment.
Is he planning a return trip? One thing is certain: no one knows.
Eat this, coppers! [cackling.]
You'll never catch The Angry Red Herring! Get down, chum.
Those aren't hard candies.
- [clicking.]
- [guns cocking.]
Nuts! He's out of ammo.
Let's nab him! Careful, Arthur! He's coated himself with petroleum jelly.
He's slimy like a fish! Gotcha! Oops.
[moaning.]
Aha! Unmasked at last.
So it's you, Milton Roe, fishmonger and international jewel thief.
- Good sleuthing, Arthur.
- [panting.]
Yes, my finny friend, once again we find that slime does not pay.
You can't just coat yourself with artificial mucus and slip through the long fingers of the law! - It's wrong and it's gross! - [electronic beeping.]
- Milton! - What? What?! [Tick.]
Don't ever try to swim against the mighty tide of justice! Oh, please, mister.
Can't I just go to jail now? [whooshing.]
Tick? Bad, bad fish! Tick Tick, look.
Arthur, my name is Carmalita.
You don't know me, but I've been looking all over the world for you.
[man chuckling.]
Well, yodel-ay-he-hoo.
What do you see, Bernhard? It is she.
We have her at last.
[man clears throat.]
Who dares intrude upon my night domain? You have crossed the path of Die Fledermaus! Which is OK, really.
Nothing wrong with that.
Get him.
[clamoring.]
- [man.]
Don't get up.
- [grunting.]
[Fledermaus.]
Hey, you're stepping on my hand! [Carmalita.]
Well, and then, when I got back to the States, I began hearing stories about a moth-man superhero.
That's when I realized the other suit must still exist.
Where did you get it? Well, I bought it about ten years ago at the estate auction of J.
J.
Eureka Vatos.
You know, the famous millionaire inventor.
It was right after he disappeared.
I heard he was nuts.
He was my father.
- Oh, sorry.
- Faux pas.
That's all right, Arthur.
Lots of people thought Dad was a little off.
But, really, he was brilliant.
Then your father invented our flying suits.
Oh, and so much more! They're all here in his notebook.
- Bingo.
- But look here.
My father wrote all his ideas in secret code.
He told me once that the key to the code was in one of the moth suits.
I know it is not in mine.
So, what you're saying is Yes, Arthur.
You've got something I need in your suit.
[clears throat.]
Ah, yes.
Well, chum I think, perhaps, we'd better get on patrol.
[clears throat.]
Uh Listen, Tick, about patrol tonight I, uh I think maybe Carmalita and I Maybe we should, uh, you know, talk some more about this.
I'll, uh I'll walk her home.
But Arthur, evil! What do you see, Bernhard? [Bernhard.]
The big blue one is leaving alone.
- Good.
Good.
- [Bernhard.]
Franz.
In your teeth.
Spinach.
Deploy your toothpick.
[Tick grunting.]
Patrolling without a sidekick.
It's It's unnatural! Look, they are ours! Franz, Claus, Hilda, attack.
[breathing heavily.]
[sign buzzing.]
Answer the phone.
Answer the phone.
Come on! - This is a national emergency.
- [chuckles.]
Sure, Maus.
Everything's a national emergency with you.
No, no, this is serious.
The Swiss are invading America, and they're starting with The City! Yeah I definitely don't think that sounds right.
Of course it's not right.
That's my point.
- It's wrong! - [scoffs.]
Switzerland is a neutral country, you goober.
Does this look neutral to you? I I know we've only just met, Arthur, but, somehow, I feel I've known you forever.
I I feel the same way, Carmalita.
[man yodeling.]
Do Do you hear yodeling? Arthur, let's fly the rest of the way.
- What? - Come on.
Fly with me.
After them.
[man yodeling.]
Arthur I just remembered I have a few things to do.
Why don't we meet later for dinner.
Uh, OK Sure, yeah, fine.
Great, that'd be great.
I can't wait.
- We've lost them in the clouds.
- Yeah, we're in the soup.
[rumbling.]
[breathing heavily.]
- [humming.]
- [buzzing.]
[Tick.]
Hi, Arthur.
I'm home.
Well, pretty quiet out there.
You didn't miss much.
But at least it's hobby night! Uh, yeah, Tick, listen, about hobby night I, um Do you think we could reschedule? You see, I have this date with Carmalita.
But Arthur, you never miss hobby night! I know, I know.
It's just Well There's something special about Carmalita.
I - I've never felt this way before.
- Oh, look! Our little duck is almost finished! It's a masterpiece in macaroni.
Tick, why are you making this hard for me? Why are you making it so easy for evil?! Tick, it's only hobby night.
You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck! I'll be the judge of that.
[Arthur laughing.]
Really, really.
And then they come over and they say, "What kind of corn soldiers are you?" And, you know, I didn't know what to say.
I just blurted out, "We're kernels!" Oh, Arthur.
Oh, Carmalita.
You're the best.
I I just love being with you.
[laughs, exhales.]
I feel the same way.
It's weird, isn't it? [grunting.]
What kind of world is it when you can't trust your sidekick to be by your side? Yeah, right.
Some woman comes along and it's, [in high voice.]
"Oh, I'm having dinner with Carmalita at the Bistro D' Burden.
" Oh, you fancy-shmancy Alone again.
She is at the Bistro D'Burden.
Move out.
[grunting.]
[in high voice.]
"Oh, hello, Carmalita.
" [normal voice.]
Goodbye, hobby night.
I What? What's this? It's It's a little boy's face! Oh, don't worry, Little Wooden Boy.
I'll free you from this block of wood.
Come on, Little Wooden Boy, let's go on patrol! [grunting.]
Ha-ha! Oh! And [grunts.]
Do you see anything to the west, Little Wooden Boy? No, no.
It's not that The Tick doesn't like you, it's just Well, I think he was a little threatened by you at first.
You know, the whole sidekick, superhero thing.
I'm sure he's over it by now.
[chuckles softly.]
Yes.
You know, Little Wooden Boy, the worst sin in the world is disloyalty.
You wouldn't lie to me, would you, Little Wooden Boy? Now we make our move.
Franz, Claus, Hilda.
Ready.
Aim.
Oh Listen, Bullet, you missed Switzerland by 4,000 miles, you Hey, hey, hey.
Looks like Arthur's landed himself a little moth chick.
[gasping.]
It's the Swiss! So there's this ridiculous clone of me I mean he's green! And all he can say is, "I Arthur.
I Arthur.
" Yeah.
And The Tick buys it.
[man yodeling.]
- Get down! - [grunts.]
Ow.
[creaking.]
What's that? Do you hear something, Little Wooden Boy? Uh-huh.
Uh-huh Yeah Yes.
Spoon! Arthur, be careful, they're Swiss industrial spies.
They're after my father's notebook.
[Bernhard.]
Come, Miss Vatos.
You have given us a good chase, but we have you now.
I'll distract them, you run for it.
- No! - Carmalita! Here's your stupid book.
I am afraid it is not that simple, Miss Vatos.
We know your friend's moth suit has the key to the code.
- Mr.
Arthur - Uh.
- you will strip to your skivvies.
- [gasps.]
[chuckling.]
Yeah, skivvies.
- [shouting.]
- [grunting.]
[clamoring.]
Nice knife.
Hey, baby, I didn't mean it that way.
[both shout.]
Don't give up! Stinky and I will start the underground resistance.
Yeah, definitely underground.
Very resistant.
Very good, Mr.
Arthur.
And now the jersey.
This is the most humiliating thing I've ever [shouting.]
[gasping.]
[grunting.]
Ah.
We achieve victory.
So it's true.
The Swiss mean to take over The City.
No, no, no, no, no, silly American Maid.
We are certainly Swiss, but our actions in no way represent the policies of the Swiss government.
Actually we are more like criminals.
Yeah, that's what they all say.
[Tick.]
Spoon! Evildoers, eat my justice! Arthur, where are your pants? [people chanting.]
Blow-Hole! - Blow-Hole! - Blow-Hole! [woman.]
It's Blow-Hole, 1995.
This is Sally Vacuum, reporting from the outskirts of The City.
And you can just feel the Blow-Hole mania out here, as hundreds of the area's residents gather to wish Blow-Hole well.
- Here he comes.
- [rumbling.]
[chanting.]
Blow-Hole, Blow-Hole, Blow-Hole.
Blow-Hole, is this cross-country run a form of protest for the endangered species of the Earth? Whoa! Blow-Hole, if you were a tree, what sort of tree would you be? Little Wooden Boy, you take that one! [grunts.]
- [whirring.]
- [shouting.]
You'll need more than that to unscrew my cork, Frenchie.
Whoa! Arthur! He's escaping with the book! Carmalita, you stay here.
I'll get your book back! With tweezers? I don't think so.
[Bernhard grunting.]
Arthur, be careful! Oh, that hurts quite a lot.
Give me the book, give me my pants.
OK.
OK! - That's awful - Oh, Arthur.
[moaning.]
Good work, Little Wooden Boy.
I Arthur, Carmalita, look out! Runaway whale! [yelling.]
- [grunting.]
- [splashing.]
Well Never a dull moment.
[sneezing.]
- Gesundheit.
- I didn't sneeze.
Me neither.
- Jonah? - No.
- Captain Ahab? - No.
- Daddy? - Pumpkin? Quelle coïncidence! Daddy, what are you doing here?! Well, you know, a man reaches a certain point in his life, he says, "Yeah, I invented a lot of stuff, but what am I gonna do next?" I decided to walk across the country.
So I'm out on the highway, walking, and I get swallowed by a whale.
[chuckles.]
Go figure.
Come on, kids.
We're in the belly of a whale.
How are we gonna get out?! You wanna get out? Oh, OK.
Well, if you want the classic method, you got to go find some wood and smoke yourself out.
Hmm.
Well, we've got to find some wood.
We've got to Mm.
Mm-hmm.
[gasps.]
Tick, do you want to stay in this whale for ten years? I have a toothbrush.
[sobs.]
[Tick.]
Oh, Little Wooden Boy! [coughing.]
[sneezes.]
Blow-Hole, do you have time for a few questions? [sighing.]
Where does Blow-Hole see himself in ten years? Dad, this is Arthur.
Pleased to meet you, young man.
[clears throat.]
Do you have pants? [nervous chuckle.]
You know, Arthur, it's really been quite a day.
From the outside, on the surface, oh, sure we were pursued by Swiss industrial spies, trapped in the belly of a whale.
But what really pursued us? Where were we really trapped? Come on, Arthur, get meta with me! What pursued us were our own obsessions.
I'm good, you're evil.
I'm a superhero, you're a sidekick.
I'm a woman, you're a man.
What does it all mean? Nothing.
And where were we all trapped? I'll tell you where, Arthur.
In the belly of love.
Wow.
You know, he's really rather brilliant.
Love, chum.
Love!
[sign buzzing.]
[ticking.]
- [rumbling.]
- [gasping.]
It's Blow-Hole! [sighs.]
Yeah, there he goes.
[man.]
As the East Coast today was literally shaken by the return of Blow-Hole, the legendary long-distance leviathan, who, ten years ago, baffled the nation when he jumped out of the Pacific Ocean and ran straight across the country.
- Blow-Hole! - Blow-Hole! - Blow-Hole! - [both.]
We love you, Blow-Hole! [rumbling.]
Oh, man.
My Microbus.
One week later, Blow-Hole plunged into the icy waters of the Atlantic, disappearing without comment.
Is he planning a return trip? One thing is certain: no one knows.
Eat this, coppers! [cackling.]
You'll never catch The Angry Red Herring! Get down, chum.
Those aren't hard candies.
- [clicking.]
- [guns cocking.]
Nuts! He's out of ammo.
Let's nab him! Careful, Arthur! He's coated himself with petroleum jelly.
He's slimy like a fish! Gotcha! Oops.
[moaning.]
Aha! Unmasked at last.
So it's you, Milton Roe, fishmonger and international jewel thief.
- Good sleuthing, Arthur.
- [panting.]
Yes, my finny friend, once again we find that slime does not pay.
You can't just coat yourself with artificial mucus and slip through the long fingers of the law! - It's wrong and it's gross! - [electronic beeping.]
- Milton! - What? What?! [Tick.]
Don't ever try to swim against the mighty tide of justice! Oh, please, mister.
Can't I just go to jail now? [whooshing.]
Tick? Bad, bad fish! Tick Tick, look.
Arthur, my name is Carmalita.
You don't know me, but I've been looking all over the world for you.
[man chuckling.]
Well, yodel-ay-he-hoo.
What do you see, Bernhard? It is she.
We have her at last.
[man clears throat.]
Who dares intrude upon my night domain? You have crossed the path of Die Fledermaus! Which is OK, really.
Nothing wrong with that.
Get him.
[clamoring.]
- [man.]
Don't get up.
- [grunting.]
[Fledermaus.]
Hey, you're stepping on my hand! [Carmalita.]
Well, and then, when I got back to the States, I began hearing stories about a moth-man superhero.
That's when I realized the other suit must still exist.
Where did you get it? Well, I bought it about ten years ago at the estate auction of J.
J.
Eureka Vatos.
You know, the famous millionaire inventor.
It was right after he disappeared.
I heard he was nuts.
He was my father.
- Oh, sorry.
- Faux pas.
That's all right, Arthur.
Lots of people thought Dad was a little off.
But, really, he was brilliant.
Then your father invented our flying suits.
Oh, and so much more! They're all here in his notebook.
- Bingo.
- But look here.
My father wrote all his ideas in secret code.
He told me once that the key to the code was in one of the moth suits.
I know it is not in mine.
So, what you're saying is Yes, Arthur.
You've got something I need in your suit.
[clears throat.]
Ah, yes.
Well, chum I think, perhaps, we'd better get on patrol.
[clears throat.]
Uh Listen, Tick, about patrol tonight I, uh I think maybe Carmalita and I Maybe we should, uh, you know, talk some more about this.
I'll, uh I'll walk her home.
But Arthur, evil! What do you see, Bernhard? [Bernhard.]
The big blue one is leaving alone.
- Good.
Good.
- [Bernhard.]
Franz.
In your teeth.
Spinach.
Deploy your toothpick.
[Tick grunting.]
Patrolling without a sidekick.
It's It's unnatural! Look, they are ours! Franz, Claus, Hilda, attack.
[breathing heavily.]
[sign buzzing.]
Answer the phone.
Answer the phone.
Come on! - This is a national emergency.
- [chuckles.]
Sure, Maus.
Everything's a national emergency with you.
No, no, this is serious.
The Swiss are invading America, and they're starting with The City! Yeah I definitely don't think that sounds right.
Of course it's not right.
That's my point.
- It's wrong! - [scoffs.]
Switzerland is a neutral country, you goober.
Does this look neutral to you? I I know we've only just met, Arthur, but, somehow, I feel I've known you forever.
I I feel the same way, Carmalita.
[man yodeling.]
Do Do you hear yodeling? Arthur, let's fly the rest of the way.
- What? - Come on.
Fly with me.
After them.
[man yodeling.]
Arthur I just remembered I have a few things to do.
Why don't we meet later for dinner.
Uh, OK Sure, yeah, fine.
Great, that'd be great.
I can't wait.
- We've lost them in the clouds.
- Yeah, we're in the soup.
[rumbling.]
[breathing heavily.]
- [humming.]
- [buzzing.]
[Tick.]
Hi, Arthur.
I'm home.
Well, pretty quiet out there.
You didn't miss much.
But at least it's hobby night! Uh, yeah, Tick, listen, about hobby night I, um Do you think we could reschedule? You see, I have this date with Carmalita.
But Arthur, you never miss hobby night! I know, I know.
It's just Well There's something special about Carmalita.
I - I've never felt this way before.
- Oh, look! Our little duck is almost finished! It's a masterpiece in macaroni.
Tick, why are you making this hard for me? Why are you making it so easy for evil?! Tick, it's only hobby night.
You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck! I'll be the judge of that.
[Arthur laughing.]
Really, really.
And then they come over and they say, "What kind of corn soldiers are you?" And, you know, I didn't know what to say.
I just blurted out, "We're kernels!" Oh, Arthur.
Oh, Carmalita.
You're the best.
I I just love being with you.
[laughs, exhales.]
I feel the same way.
It's weird, isn't it? [grunting.]
What kind of world is it when you can't trust your sidekick to be by your side? Yeah, right.
Some woman comes along and it's, [in high voice.]
"Oh, I'm having dinner with Carmalita at the Bistro D' Burden.
" Oh, you fancy-shmancy Alone again.
She is at the Bistro D'Burden.
Move out.
[grunting.]
[in high voice.]
"Oh, hello, Carmalita.
" [normal voice.]
Goodbye, hobby night.
I What? What's this? It's It's a little boy's face! Oh, don't worry, Little Wooden Boy.
I'll free you from this block of wood.
Come on, Little Wooden Boy, let's go on patrol! [grunting.]
Ha-ha! Oh! And [grunts.]
Do you see anything to the west, Little Wooden Boy? No, no.
It's not that The Tick doesn't like you, it's just Well, I think he was a little threatened by you at first.
You know, the whole sidekick, superhero thing.
I'm sure he's over it by now.
[chuckles softly.]
Yes.
You know, Little Wooden Boy, the worst sin in the world is disloyalty.
You wouldn't lie to me, would you, Little Wooden Boy? Now we make our move.
Franz, Claus, Hilda.
Ready.
Aim.
Oh Listen, Bullet, you missed Switzerland by 4,000 miles, you Hey, hey, hey.
Looks like Arthur's landed himself a little moth chick.
[gasping.]
It's the Swiss! So there's this ridiculous clone of me I mean he's green! And all he can say is, "I Arthur.
I Arthur.
" Yeah.
And The Tick buys it.
[man yodeling.]
- Get down! - [grunts.]
Ow.
[creaking.]
What's that? Do you hear something, Little Wooden Boy? Uh-huh.
Uh-huh Yeah Yes.
Spoon! Arthur, be careful, they're Swiss industrial spies.
They're after my father's notebook.
[Bernhard.]
Come, Miss Vatos.
You have given us a good chase, but we have you now.
I'll distract them, you run for it.
- No! - Carmalita! Here's your stupid book.
I am afraid it is not that simple, Miss Vatos.
We know your friend's moth suit has the key to the code.
- Mr.
Arthur - Uh.
- you will strip to your skivvies.
- [gasps.]
[chuckling.]
Yeah, skivvies.
- [shouting.]
- [grunting.]
[clamoring.]
Nice knife.
Hey, baby, I didn't mean it that way.
[both shout.]
Don't give up! Stinky and I will start the underground resistance.
Yeah, definitely underground.
Very resistant.
Very good, Mr.
Arthur.
And now the jersey.
This is the most humiliating thing I've ever [shouting.]
[gasping.]
[grunting.]
Ah.
We achieve victory.
So it's true.
The Swiss mean to take over The City.
No, no, no, no, no, silly American Maid.
We are certainly Swiss, but our actions in no way represent the policies of the Swiss government.
Actually we are more like criminals.
Yeah, that's what they all say.
[Tick.]
Spoon! Evildoers, eat my justice! Arthur, where are your pants? [people chanting.]
Blow-Hole! - Blow-Hole! - Blow-Hole! [woman.]
It's Blow-Hole, 1995.
This is Sally Vacuum, reporting from the outskirts of The City.
And you can just feel the Blow-Hole mania out here, as hundreds of the area's residents gather to wish Blow-Hole well.
- Here he comes.
- [rumbling.]
[chanting.]
Blow-Hole, Blow-Hole, Blow-Hole.
Blow-Hole, is this cross-country run a form of protest for the endangered species of the Earth? Whoa! Blow-Hole, if you were a tree, what sort of tree would you be? Little Wooden Boy, you take that one! [grunts.]
- [whirring.]
- [shouting.]
You'll need more than that to unscrew my cork, Frenchie.
Whoa! Arthur! He's escaping with the book! Carmalita, you stay here.
I'll get your book back! With tweezers? I don't think so.
[Bernhard grunting.]
Arthur, be careful! Oh, that hurts quite a lot.
Give me the book, give me my pants.
OK.
OK! - That's awful - Oh, Arthur.
[moaning.]
Good work, Little Wooden Boy.
I Arthur, Carmalita, look out! Runaway whale! [yelling.]
- [grunting.]
- [splashing.]
Well Never a dull moment.
[sneezing.]
- Gesundheit.
- I didn't sneeze.
Me neither.
- Jonah? - No.
- Captain Ahab? - No.
- Daddy? - Pumpkin? Quelle coïncidence! Daddy, what are you doing here?! Well, you know, a man reaches a certain point in his life, he says, "Yeah, I invented a lot of stuff, but what am I gonna do next?" I decided to walk across the country.
So I'm out on the highway, walking, and I get swallowed by a whale.
[chuckles.]
Go figure.
Come on, kids.
We're in the belly of a whale.
How are we gonna get out?! You wanna get out? Oh, OK.
Well, if you want the classic method, you got to go find some wood and smoke yourself out.
Hmm.
Well, we've got to find some wood.
We've got to Mm.
Mm-hmm.
[gasps.]
Tick, do you want to stay in this whale for ten years? I have a toothbrush.
[sobs.]
[Tick.]
Oh, Little Wooden Boy! [coughing.]
[sneezes.]
Blow-Hole, do you have time for a few questions? [sighing.]
Where does Blow-Hole see himself in ten years? Dad, this is Arthur.
Pleased to meet you, young man.
[clears throat.]
Do you have pants? [nervous chuckle.]
You know, Arthur, it's really been quite a day.
From the outside, on the surface, oh, sure we were pursued by Swiss industrial spies, trapped in the belly of a whale.
But what really pursued us? Where were we really trapped? Come on, Arthur, get meta with me! What pursued us were our own obsessions.
I'm good, you're evil.
I'm a superhero, you're a sidekick.
I'm a woman, you're a man.
What does it all mean? Nothing.
And where were we all trapped? I'll tell you where, Arthur.
In the belly of love.
Wow.
You know, he's really rather brilliant.
Love, chum.
Love!