The Wrong Girl (2016) s02e01 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 1
1 Are you sure you want to do this? We've we've been friends for a really long time.
Do you wish we hadn't crossed that line? No.
It was perfect.
So, you don't feel anything for me? I'm in love with you.
Come with me see if there's anything between us, away from work and everything.
Just the two of us.
I love you.
('IT'S NICE TO BE ALIVE' BY BALL PARK MUSIC PLAYS) - Hello? Hi.
Hi.
- I'm I'm Lily.
Thank you so much.
I That's too much.
No.
Too much.
Can I just say, I deeply appreciate this opportunity to meet with you Oh, you're a You wanker.
You sound like a (COMPUTER BEEPS) LILY: Hello? Hello? Hi! Ah, Lily.
Thank you so much for taking the time - to meet with - MAN: Oh, no, that's our pleasure.
- WOMAN: Not at all.
- me today.
Can I just say, I'm such a huge fan of your work.
- Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
- That's very nice.
Um So, I wasn't really sure that my pitch Oh, no, we haven't read your pitches yet.
Oh, you haven't? No, we were hoping to get a visual presentation, a pitch, direct from you.
What, like, right now? - Yeah, go for it.
- Go for it.
Okay, it's a three-part doco series.
So, I want to track three very different women and the way that they navigate the choices that they make, which will ultimately shape their lives.
Um, we'll we'll follow them and watch how they grapple with the consequences of their choices, you know, have the baby, quit the job Uh Sorry, I think the connection might have frozen.
Hello? - No.
- No.
- We're here.
- We're here.
Don't get carried away Darling, don't you understand That every time we wave our hands, we're cool MEREDITH: It's official.
We've lost the good dummy.
(BABY CRIES) Yeah, darling girl.
- I know-ow-ow.
- Have you checked the car? Twice.
Pete, I think this could be worse than "I need the good dummy" cry.
I think this could be "Something's internally wrong" cry.
No, it's 70% "I need the good dummy" and 30% "I was happier in the womb".
What about your dad's? Did you leave it at your dad's? Ahhh! I got it, I got it, I got it! Here you are! Would it be wrong to ask for some tomato sauce with it? (PHONE RINGS AND BUZZES) I'll get the sauce.
Hello? Lily Woodward Where are you and what are you doing? I'm in the Bay of Islands.
Uh, yeah, that'd be New Zealand.
I'm standing near the sea.
- And - Look, that's lovely for you.
But professionally, what are you doing professionally? Just developing things.
So, basically nothing.
No.
Jack Jack got a contract with a hotel/restaurant here, so I came with him If I needed you to come back immediately and help me save The Breakfast Bar from euthanasia, is that something that could happen? I'm I'm sorry.
You're running The Breakfast Bar? (LAUGHS) Sweetheart, I am running the network.
- What?! - I'm Head of Programming.
It's a long story, and a glorious one, but the highlights are, the show bombed so old mate, Craig, was moved to Special Projects, I got his job and we've got four weeks to try and turn the show around or it's lights out.
So five-hour flight.
We'll get you on the red-eye.
Premium economy.
Well, I Just four weeks, Lily.
Give us four weeks to right the ship.
When would you need to know by? 9am yesterday.
You were pretty adamant you were over breakfast TV.
I am.
Well, this feels like a bit of a backflip.
It's not a backflip.
It's just more like a a strong lean.
Like a yoga arch.
It's only for four weeks.
Well, I think we both know they're gonna offer you more than that.
And I will say no.
And I'll be gone just long enough to remember I have made the right decision and I'll come back here doubly motivated.
Okay? Mmm! I'll call you when I get to Mum's tonight.
- Okay? - Okay.
- I love you.
- I Me too.
I'm I'm getting so close.
I'm really getting close.
It's not the feeling.
The feeling is all there.
- The feeling is - Go.
Bye.
(ENGINE STARTS) Lil Lil?! You're back, you're back, you know it, you're back We both know what we want Look at you, so dangerous Smokin' hot OMG! Lily's back! Look! "Just landed in Melbourne.
An hour late.
Minimal sleep.
"Appallingly packed bag.
No phone.
"Accidentally left it on the charger.
"#Winning #PleaseEmailMe.
" What is happening? Uh Have her and Jack broken up or something? - I don't know.
- You don't know.
Hey, check out these responses.
What do you reckon? Option one: "Lols.
"Well, I can't help you with the sleep, "but if you need a temporary phone, DM me, lady.
" Or, option two: "Lols.
"I'm always late.
Rarely well-slept.
"#ImWithHer.
" Or, option three Actually, mate, I I haven't spoken to Lily since she left, so I'm probably not the best person to be advising you.
Anyway, should we get a meeting with Scribe this week and just kick on with it? Yeah, get a meeting with Scribe.
Yep, get a meeting with Scribe.
Ooh In, in I've fallen all in There's nothin' I can do I'm in your arms and I don't care What's true Someone like you can do anything you ever want - (PHONE BUZZES) - You walk in And I'm out for the count Unconditional love Take me down, knock me out LILY: (ON MESSAGE) Hi, this is Lily Woodward.
Please leave your message after the tone.
I'm a fool, I should be telling you, "Get the heck out" You're a total knockout.
- Lily! - Alice - Hi! - Hi! I am so, so sorry.
My flight was delayed.
- And then I left my phone - Oh, no, it's fine.
in New Zealand.
It's fine.
It's so fine.
And it is, like, so good to have you back.
Aw.
Mmm! - Nikkii.
- I know.
I look like shit.
- It's okay.
- No, you don't.
I do.
I wear trainers to work now and I've aged, like, 10 years.
You look the same.
Dale! I, too, have aged 10 years.
I've missed you so much.
Don't immediately deny the ageing comment.
Fine.
I am so excited.
I have seen all your previous work, in reverse order.
That sounds mildly torturous.
ALICE: Lil, this is Jeremy.
He's a new producer.
No.
It was a master class.
Exuberant, effervescent, ebullient.
Those were the key words I kept coming back to.
Thank you.
I think.
Where's Sasha? Oh She won't be checking in with us till later.
O okay.
Good.
Because I've been doing some thinking Now, it's all pretty raw at this stage, but obviously, we need a loud show this week, something like dangerous diets - (JEREMY GROANS) - or anti-vaxxers No.
Sorry.
You didn't get the running sheet? Uh, no Not if it was sent after 7am.
No.
This week is Erica's goodbye show.
Excuse me? Erica's being replaced as co-host.
Uh Her goodbye episode will be this Saturday.
We wanted someone steeped in the history of the show to take the reins.
That's why you're here.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) (KNOCKS) Lily! Hi.
You still look offensively young and beautiful.
How are you? I'm a little confused, I'll be honest.
Jeremy's the new producer? - That's right.
- And my role is? The other producer.
How did you imagine that was gonna work? Well, you know what it's like when there's one producer? Yes.
Like that, only with two.
Wh wh what's his background? He's a network pick.
Young wunderkind, apparently.
Also happens to be the CEO's son.
What a coincidence.
But so far, he's been disturbingly good.
Erica has been told, right? She was notified yesterday.
And what was the reaction? When you meet with her, I suggest you pick a room with very few throwable objects.
And maybe wear a helmet.
You came back flustered, but sunny and unencumbered.
And now you share the haunted, fearful look so common in these hallways.
So uh when did you guys hear about this Erica decision? About two hours after the Hamilton decision.
Hamilton's gone too? Hamilton went quietly, humbly, and at first, it really seemed that Erica was going to follow suit.
And then Eric came out and This isn't really an ending.
No.
It's actually a beginning.
Or is it just another chapter in the book of Smart Woman Burns while Stupid Man Rises, like every other chapter in my career, like every other chapter in the world at large?! Come on, let's let's not politicise this.
And then she basically broke down Jeremy's office door.
Our guiding key words are 'raw', 'rapacious', 'reckless' Is this reckless enough for you?! Is this RAW enough for you?! Aaaagh! DALE: And now, here you are.
And we've just had confirmation.
Erica will be coming in at 11am Friday to discuss the on-camera fond farewell/ emotional tribute/all of the feels.
My thoughts are with you.
WOMAN: Babe! - Aah! - Hey.
SIM SIM.
I'm gonna need to hold onto you for, like, the next 24 hours.
Mm-hm.
You can just go about your business and I'll be attached.
- Okay? - Okay.
(CHEERING) Vincentus Merudinus Maximus.
How are you, Lil? - Good.
- Hey, Lil.
- Hi.
- Mmmwah! And this is Yvonne.
Hi! I can't tell you how great it is to finally meet you.
Oh! You too.
I've just always felt like without meeting you, there's been a missing piece.
Oh, really? Is that missing piece a lot of nachos-eating and a maddening habit for indecision.
SIMONE: Yoo! - PETE: Hey.
- SIMONE: Oh, hey.
Hi.
Uh, it's a party now? Well, I just knew you'd want everyone here tonight, Lil.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Oh - Oh No, that's She's the main attraction.
- This is Nish - Hello! Wow! She's so big.
Oh, yeah, no.
She's a She's a big fatty now.
(LAUGHS) Um, is Mum coming tonight? ANTHONY: Can we have some wine? Hi.
Red wine? Would red wine do the trick for everyone? Red.
Let's go red.
(WHISPERS) Hey? Is Mum totally avoiding Yvonne? Like the plague.
(CLEARS THROAT) - So - So How are you? Yeah, good.
Great.
Yeah, really good.
- You? - Yeah Uh Bit of an exhausting day, but - How's Meredith? - Yeah, she's she's awesome.
She's such an amazing mum, you know And, uh and Jack? He's so good.
He's just made over a hotel-restaurant over there and it's killing it.
Oh, wow.
That's awesome.
Uh, how's the writing? Really good, yeah.
I actually, um I just finished a book.
That is fantastic! I'd love to read it.
- I'll print you a copy.
- Yeah, awesome, fantastic.
I'd like to read it too.
I'd just like to announce, at this point, that I'm at a complete average level of happiness.
SIMONE: Yeah, and, um, I would like to add that, um, I have happy moments, but then, sometimes, life presses down on me - Yeah.
- like a dark wave on my ribcage.
Sorry.
You guys are being ridiculous.
Stop it.
- (CLINKING) - Oh, God, here we go.
Nah, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.
Come on.
Look, I just want to take just a brief moment to tell our Lil how greatly we've missed you, darl, we really have.
And - Are we doing this? - Yep.
We have something to annou Well, not so much announce.
- It's more of a - YVONNE: Discuss.
You know, just something to discuss.
So, a few weeks back, I might have proposed to Yvonne.
- My God! - Really? Yvonne said maybe.
No! I did I didn't.
I said I said I couldn't possibly accept until I'd met both your children and they gave us their blessing.
Oh! I've never been asked to give my blessing before.
Uh it - Congratulations.
Of course.
- Yeah.
Fly free.
- Fly fly together.
- Yes.
Get hitched.
That's Yay! Thank you.
I appreciate that, darling.
Um Wow.
This is it's a whirlwind.
I know.
I know.
You find something like this at my age and it is it's amazing.
Have you set a date? No, we're we're thinking of something kind of small, you know, intimate.
Lil you're gonna love her.
She's she's a free spirit.
She's a lot like you.
Is that what I am? Yeah, you are.
You're a free spirit.
Is that why Mum didn't come tonight? I haven't told your mother at this time.
So, how are you imagining she would find out? (SIGHS) It's like he has some kind of special gift to be so completely brash and, yet, so completely gutless at the same time! I understand you being angry.
(SCOFFS) I'm not angry! No, I'm Good on him, I say! Good on him! I mean, I'd do exactly the same thing if I wasn't so concerned about looking absolutely ridiculous in front of every living person I'd ever met! Oh, God! Am I invited? They haven't set a date yet.
But would you really want to come? Oh, yes! I would come! And I would give her a bottle of Grange and I'd give him a bottle of antacid.
Wouldn't miss it.
(SIGHS) You're taking this really well.
Thank you, darling.
(LAUGHS) Aw - I've missed you.
- Mm.
You too.
Yeah, I miss being curled up on this couch.
You know, your father and I slept together at the beginning of last year, right here, on this couch? Hmm! No.
Well, we did.
(LAUGHING) It was absolutely terrible! Oh, darling, darling, darling.
Welcome home.
If I ever question your wisdom again, just just bring up this example.
Say, "Hey, remember when you were sure everything would be fine "and then Erica got fired and your dad imploded the family?" I'm not quite sure it's cause and effect, Lil.
I'm pretty sure all that stuff would have happened even if you never got on the plane.
Yeah, but I wouldn't have been on the front line.
That's a crucial difference! Anyway, what should I do with this phone? Can you express-post it to the production office? Yep.
You want to hear these messages now? (SIGHS) Yep.
Go.
PHONE: You have two new messages.
(BEEP!) Hi, Lily.
My name's Jeremy Guerin.
I believe we are going to be working together at The Breakfast Bar.
- Oh, God.
Delete it.
- I've heard many, many good things about you.
- All true, I assume.
- Delete it.
Delete it.
PHONE: Message deleted.
PETE: Hey, it's me, um, as in Pete, in case you've forgotten what I sound like.
Yeah, uh, I probably don't need to hear this one.
I know you're without your phone, but I also know that no force on heaven or earth LILY: Delete it.
Really, just delete that one.
can keep you separated from it for more than 20 minutes, so, um Your dad texted me and asked me to, um - Next one.
- dinner with you guys and I just thought, you know, should we meet up first and have a chat about the let's just call it the conversation we had - LILY: Okay.
Yeah, No, no.
Good to go.
- before you left.
- Really, really, just - Not that it's an active issue.
- delete it.
- It's not.
It's firmly in the past.
PHONE: Message deleted.
You have no new messages.
LILY: That's an old message.
I saw Pete tonight, so covered that.
I probably shouldn't ask, but We had a fight the last time we saw each other.
Before you and I left.
- About what? - I can't really remember.
I think he was just judging my life choices as always.
Your choice to live with me? No No, no! No, no, no.
Look, whatever it was, I saw him tonight and we're good.
Right.
I think I think she'll be really receptive to some of the ideas, especially getting everyone to share their essential Erica moments.
You know? I think I can't do this.
Can't do this, can't do this, can't do this.
Erica hi.
Lily.
Firstly, are are you okay? Do I look okay? See, if if okay was here, I I'd be I'd be all the way over here! Not okay! I might just get you some water.
Let's just Why don't we just talk about what's happened? Oh, let me tell you what happened.
See, two things.
First of all, I aged.
Like a human being! And then I asked for equal pay! Right.
I was I was not aware that the pay was a factor.
My agent quite rightly said, "Hey, she's been on the show for longer than Eric.
"About time she got equal pay.
" (LAUGHS) And do you know what they did? You know what their response was? They boned me.
Well, that's certainly a serious accusation.
When I heard that you were coming back to to produce my goodbye episode, I thought, "No, no, no, no, not not Lily.
"Not Lily.
"She wouldn't.
" Erica I'm hearing you.
Okay? And I understand you feel bad.
But there's nothing you can do.
One conversation.
Right? Just - (BANG!) - Ow.
give me one conversation.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Eric? Eric? Lily, hi! Oh no.
No, no, no.
Hang on a sec.
Hang on a sec.
(TOILET FLUSHES) Hang on.
Hang on.
(SPRAYS) Oh! Oh, my God! Have a look at you! Hands where you can see 'em.
I'm kidding.
I'm so kidding.
Not really.
No, I am.
I'm kidding.
Just a little gag.
A flashback, as we say in the business.
Come here! (LAUGHS) - How the hell are you?! - I am good Eric.
I'm good, but how? Hey, how are you? Such a difficult time.
- Huh? - With Erica going.
Yes.
Yes, it's, um It's an adjustment, definitely.
Yeah.
All those magic Eric qualities - Well! - Your rascal humour and your charm.
It was really it was the contrast with Erica that sent them through the roof, wasn't it? Well, it it Sometimes.
I guess.
It Lily, here's the thing.
You see I am what you call a generator of chemistry.
Right.
And some of the names we've been putting out there for the replacement host Jennifer Hawkins.
Sam Frost.
- Wow.
- Yes! Wait for it.
Miranda Kerr.
(POPS TONGUE) So, you are comfortable with a younger host? Yes! I'm all for it! Young is good.
Young ladies are really good.
- (LAUGHS) - That's brave.
Really brave.
Because, I mean, with Erica, she was in that perfect age window, wasn't she? Whereas with a younger host, you're gonna be a bit more like a father figure.
I'm leaving the office for half an hour.
What?! We have to brief Jeremy by the end of the day.
I predict by the time I get back, the landscape will have changed very significantly.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Thanks for emailing.
No.
Thank you for coming.
I thought last night was just a bit weird.
- Sorry about that.
- No, no, it's not your fault.
It took a lot of pillars to build that particular house of weirdness.
Mm-hm.
Uh I, um I made you a copy of this.
I wasn't sure if you were serious.
Uh, no pressure.
Life is Not a Love Song: Interviews with Musicians and their Muses.
Wow.
I didn't think you believed in muses or love, for that matter.
- What? - Sor sorry.
No, that was a terrible attempt at a joke.
That was Pete about that big conversation that we had, or run-in or I don't know what to call it.
You're gonna go there? You left a message on my phone yesterday about it.
Oh Yeah, I wasn't sure you'd heard it.
Because Jack played it to me.
- Oh - Yeah.
He has my phone and he played it to me last night on speaker.
Okay.
I tried to yell over the top of it and I don't think he's gonna go back and listen to the whole thing, but I have to ask, what did you say? Uh, hardly anything.
Okay.
I mean, you know, I didn't say, "Oh, hey, Lil, "remember that time I declared my love to you "and you didn't contact me for six months?" I didn't say that, so - Sorry.
- You didn't contact me after I kind of assumed since I was the declarer of love, that the ball was in your court.
Well, what was I supposed to do? I was going away with Jack.
You you'd had a baby with your gorgeous girlfriend.
- She's not - And anymore, my girlfriend, Meredith.
We we co-parent but we're not together, romantically, so I I'm sor I didn't know that Not that it's relevant, anyway.
Look, when you didn't contact me for so long, I kind of assumed we'd crashed and burned as friends, but then, when I heard you were back, I thought, "Maybe it's worth a try.
"Maybe when we see each other, it'll somehow be cool again.
" I don't know.
Maybe I was right the first time.
I should go.
ALICE: Oh, my God! Do not ever leave here without your phone again.
Like, ever! - Jeremy wants to see you immediately.
- Why? What's happened? Eric's quit the show.
Are you kidding? There was a very noisy power meeting and he tendered his resignation.
It's the apocalypse.
For real.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) There's no way! You're an idiot.
Seriously.
- I think that's inappropriate - The guy's an idiot.
- You wanted to see me? - Shut the door, please.
Where have you been? I slipped out for some lunch.
- Why didn't you answer your - I don't have a phone.
Actually, I'm not interested.
Here's a quick update for you.
Since you worked your Lily magic, Eric has gone into a complete tailspin and he's quit.
So, as of right now, we have zero hosts.
- Erica will come back.
- We don't have a show without Eric.
I think we do.
Erica's competent, she's intelligent Eric brings in three times the sponsorship dollars.
The show is financially unviable without Eric.
I had my reservations about bringing you back.
I mean, you did knife me, then stole my job.
Only stayed a month before absconding with the star talent and sending the show down the toilet.
But he campaigned for you.
He said, "No, we've only got four weeks to save the show.
"We need talent.
And she's got talent.
" Turns out didn't take four weeks to kill the show, it just took you.
Look, I know technically we owe you a premium economy return flight but I think it would be pretty undignified to claim it.
- Oh, my God! - Are you okay? ALICE: If you need to cry, just cry.
Just tell us what you need.
Can I borrow a phone, please? Mum? I must have been pretty low I must have been desp pretty low I must have been pretty low That's tasty.
(PHONE RINGS) Simmy? Hey No, no.
It's not SIM.
It's me.
Please don't hang up.
Uh where are you? I'm at our karaoke place.
I'm with Simone and Mum and Vincent.
I've obliterated The Ble B-Breakfast Bar and I've destroyed my career.
- Sorry? - Yeah.
It's bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um it's really it's really bad, Pete.
But that's, um that's not why I'm calling.
I must have been pretty slow I must have been desperate I'm calling because I can't stop thinking about what happened today.
I'm really sorry.
What you said to me before I left, it's not that it didn't mean anything You don't have to say it meant too much.
Look, this is has been the worst day of my life, pretty much, and I'm only sure of two things, one I'm probably gonna fly back tomorrow, and it feels really wrong not doing karaoke with you.
(MEREDITH CLICKS TONGUE) (INTRO TO 'WHAT ABOUT ME?' PLAYS) Well, this one goes out to a special little lady, Miss Lily Woodward.
The world might have knocked her down today, but she's street smart, she's country strong, and, Lil, this one's for you.
Go, Mum.
Well, there's a little girl Standing on the corner of the counter shop No, no.
Not quite right.
She's been waiting down there Waiting half the day They never ever see her from the top She's been Pushed around, knocked to the ground But she gets to her feet BOTH: And she says What about me? Is Pete coming? I've had enough and I want You'll note that I haven't asked what's going on there.
But don't think that I don't know that something's up.
You just take more Ever since you left, Pete's been, like, a really irritable nerd and I blame you.
So What's going on with you and Vincent? Waiting for a dream You know, the words are there.
Well, she's not too proud To cry out loud She runs to the street And she says Um flatmates.
What about me? It isn't fair What? Like, I love him.
Of course I love him.
Just like a second-best friend.
Also, it's me, and I don't do relationships anymore.
So Take more than you give More than I give - Hey! - Oh, my God! Oh! - (LAUGHS) - Oh! Turns out you can't mail lithium batteries, so I decided to deliver in person.
Oh, my Jack! You're here.
MIMI AND SIMONE: But I was born to try I've learned to love Be understanding - And believe in life - PETE: Hey.
Where's Lil? Pete! - But you gotta make choices - Lily? Be wrong or right And you wanna know the worst bit? What's the worst bit? The worst bit is that I thought coming back, I was gonna be, like the the fighter pilot.
What's the? - Top Gun.
- T-top the top gun.
Yes.
Back to save everything.
Instead, I'm just the annoying, wisecracking side character that gets shot down.
I'm Goose.
There's a conversation coming on, isn't there? There probably is.
But not tonight.
Why not? After this many margaritas you know you'll get the truth.
I wouldn't always get the truth? That thing with Pete before I left.
He came over and he made this big speech and he said he thought I shouldn't go away with you.
I was making a big mistake.
That I'd regret giving up my career.
Was he right? No.
No.
No, I don't I don't know.
'Cause you seem a lot more upset about this Breakfast Bar drama than you were when your doco got rejected.
That that was me shooting myself in the foot.
This is me shooting all my friends in the face.
Lil, I know you.
You never say die.
You conned me into a television career even though I said no about 70 times.
You just kept coming up with more arguments.
I'm officially out of arguments.
I don't believe that for a second.
- Have you been drinking? - Yes! And singing Meat Loaf's greatest hits.
Erica I'm sorry.
I can't save your job.
I'm really sorry.
I've tried, but I can't.
There are two paths from here.
You can lash out at the show get out all your revenge and it'll feel good, but your TV career will be over.
- I don't care about TV.
- Really? I think you do.
You owe it to yourself to keep your career alive and the way the way to do that is to nail this goodbye episode.
Now, I will give you five minutes to the audience direct.
You'll be thoughtful, you'll be dignified you'll be inspirational and every TV network will be falling over themselves to hire you.
Right.
I think you should go through to make-up straightaway.
- Lily! - Hi.
I need to speak to Sasha immediately.
- Do you know where she is? - Sasha's here.
JEREMY: Sorry, what's going on? Um okay.
Go through to make-up.
I'm here and I've been up since 1:30 trying to piece together a show with the weekend weather girl.
Erica is about to announce her goodbye and Eric is about to arrive.
- Where is he, then? - Have you been drinking? When I told him that Erica was going to claim her departure on air, he was only more than happy to participate.
We already have an alternative plan, and frankly, I think it's really I'm feeling very confident that I could deliver this episode.
Okay, people! Let's make history.
You realise this is your absolute, 100%, final last chance? (BURPS) I mean, it's been an extremely trying 24 hours, certainly.
Mm.
Can't imagine your pain.
PRODUCER: Here we go.
10 seconds.
Nine, eight, seven, six On a screen And you're living the dream Na-Na-Na, Na-Na-Na-Na, Na, Na, Na, Na Well, good morning.
Good morning, everyone.
Welcome to The Breakfast Bar.
And we have got a fantastic show for you today, but before we roll into the fun and frivolity, I'd like to begin by making a little bit of an announcement.
Today will be my final day on The Breakfast Bar.
Oh, guys, how about it? - Hmm? - Oh.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE) - Wasn't gonna cry.
Wasn't gonna cry.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE) (LAUGHS) Uh, it's It's the end of a fantastic chapter, but it's also the beginning of a new one.
And I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all to thank all of our loyal viewers who have come on this journey with me.
Thank you.
And I'd like to also thank this guy here, to my right.
- Oh, no.
- Eric Albrechtson.
Tight on Eric.
Tight on Eric.
No, Eric, in your own inimitable way, you have pushed me Eric, relax your face.
You look like you're having a prostate exam.
pushed me to work twice as hard, to be twice as smart, twice as talented and twice as qualified.
- And I'd like to thank you for that.
- You're welcome.
Very nice.
Now On a final note, I'd just like to say something to all the women.
The road will not be easy.
It won't be fun.
And it certainly won't be even.
And if you're a queer woman or a woman of colour, then that is twice as true.
And just when you think that final destination is in sight (LAUGHS) you're probably going to be overtaken by a pair of testicles with hair implants because that is the state of the world.
That's how it is right now.
And I would like to say something to the boys if I may - Oh, here we go.
Boys - Um should I cut to Eric? Cut to him.
Cut to him! You will spend most of your adult life apologising for being straight, knowing that if only you were a tree-hugging, bisexual Muslim, you might actually command some respect.
You see, girls? This is the kind of stupid argument you will have to endure from people who have had every opportunity Oh, that's because the world is sexist.
.
.
extended to them.
Not because you had the wit of a young Letterman - and the looks of a young Hasselhoff - Change is possible.
NIKKII: Oh, my God.
We've broken Twitter.
These same people If we stick together.
If we are united Jesus Christ.
Because you don't have the right to cry.
- Well, boys - with me, then We've done it! - I ask you, please, right now - Boys, I feel you.
- Good to have you back, Lily.
- can change this world together! And coming up now, why don't we take a look back at those magic Erica moments? Pages turning, lights are burning See what you could not see It's plain as the day The night makes you pay For what was hidden underneath Longing to leave but begging to - Is she down? - Down.
Oh, my gosh.
Make you stay Is this the greatest triumph of your life? Oh almost certainly, yes.
(SIGHS) - Tea? - Oh, I'd love one, thanks.
All that keeps us up at night Yep.
Okay.
I'll get it.
There is far to go now Let's not waste a minute more In denial But I always thought You knew yourself Better than anyone The season was lost When you started listening To everyone else Casting this devil I've got the mettle The means to She didn't actually say, "You saved the entire show," but that was pretty much the implication, and, oh, my God, you should have seen Eric's reaction.
- It was - Did he explode? Mm.
He was on the brink.
But then I just fed his ego a little bit.
I told him it'd be an iconic moment and he was off 15 minutes later, getting a spray tan.
(LAUGHS) So good.
So, so good.
- (SIGHS) - What is that? What? No.
Why are you shaking your head? Are you thinking I'm an appalling person? No.
I'm thinking you seem more alive right now than you have for months.
It's just 17 coffees and two Red Bulls and the ice-cream.
I want you to promise me you'll never pretend to be happy just for my sake.
Okay.
And I think we should cancel our flights back.
I think we should stay.
That our eyes will be open I love you.
That our eyes will be open (CLEARS THROAT) Me me too! (LAUGHS) I Uh I l It's a funny word to say, love.
It's I'm trying to say it.
So There is far to go now Let's not waste a minute more.
Singing Lily I want to I always liked this song.
Make some great TV with you.
Absoloutly no way you are singing.
NARRATOR: In the work life, Lily is prepared for anything.
Nikkii, just ask the question Wooo.
She just dropped one on the health Minister It's okay, it's okay NARRATOR: But in her love life? Hey, I wanna show you something.
NARRATOR: Lily isn't prepared for this.
I want us to have a proper home that's ours.
So, we have bedrooms? - (GASPS) - Will you think about it? The thrilling new season of The Wrong Girl, next Thursday on Ten.
Do you wish we hadn't crossed that line? No.
It was perfect.
So, you don't feel anything for me? I'm in love with you.
Come with me see if there's anything between us, away from work and everything.
Just the two of us.
I love you.
('IT'S NICE TO BE ALIVE' BY BALL PARK MUSIC PLAYS) - Hello? Hi.
Hi.
- I'm I'm Lily.
Thank you so much.
I That's too much.
No.
Too much.
Can I just say, I deeply appreciate this opportunity to meet with you Oh, you're a You wanker.
You sound like a (COMPUTER BEEPS) LILY: Hello? Hello? Hi! Ah, Lily.
Thank you so much for taking the time - to meet with - MAN: Oh, no, that's our pleasure.
- WOMAN: Not at all.
- me today.
Can I just say, I'm such a huge fan of your work.
- Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
- That's very nice.
Um So, I wasn't really sure that my pitch Oh, no, we haven't read your pitches yet.
Oh, you haven't? No, we were hoping to get a visual presentation, a pitch, direct from you.
What, like, right now? - Yeah, go for it.
- Go for it.
Okay, it's a three-part doco series.
So, I want to track three very different women and the way that they navigate the choices that they make, which will ultimately shape their lives.
Um, we'll we'll follow them and watch how they grapple with the consequences of their choices, you know, have the baby, quit the job Uh Sorry, I think the connection might have frozen.
Hello? - No.
- No.
- We're here.
- We're here.
Don't get carried away Darling, don't you understand That every time we wave our hands, we're cool MEREDITH: It's official.
We've lost the good dummy.
(BABY CRIES) Yeah, darling girl.
- I know-ow-ow.
- Have you checked the car? Twice.
Pete, I think this could be worse than "I need the good dummy" cry.
I think this could be "Something's internally wrong" cry.
No, it's 70% "I need the good dummy" and 30% "I was happier in the womb".
What about your dad's? Did you leave it at your dad's? Ahhh! I got it, I got it, I got it! Here you are! Would it be wrong to ask for some tomato sauce with it? (PHONE RINGS AND BUZZES) I'll get the sauce.
Hello? Lily Woodward Where are you and what are you doing? I'm in the Bay of Islands.
Uh, yeah, that'd be New Zealand.
I'm standing near the sea.
- And - Look, that's lovely for you.
But professionally, what are you doing professionally? Just developing things.
So, basically nothing.
No.
Jack Jack got a contract with a hotel/restaurant here, so I came with him If I needed you to come back immediately and help me save The Breakfast Bar from euthanasia, is that something that could happen? I'm I'm sorry.
You're running The Breakfast Bar? (LAUGHS) Sweetheart, I am running the network.
- What?! - I'm Head of Programming.
It's a long story, and a glorious one, but the highlights are, the show bombed so old mate, Craig, was moved to Special Projects, I got his job and we've got four weeks to try and turn the show around or it's lights out.
So five-hour flight.
We'll get you on the red-eye.
Premium economy.
Well, I Just four weeks, Lily.
Give us four weeks to right the ship.
When would you need to know by? 9am yesterday.
You were pretty adamant you were over breakfast TV.
I am.
Well, this feels like a bit of a backflip.
It's not a backflip.
It's just more like a a strong lean.
Like a yoga arch.
It's only for four weeks.
Well, I think we both know they're gonna offer you more than that.
And I will say no.
And I'll be gone just long enough to remember I have made the right decision and I'll come back here doubly motivated.
Okay? Mmm! I'll call you when I get to Mum's tonight.
- Okay? - Okay.
- I love you.
- I Me too.
I'm I'm getting so close.
I'm really getting close.
It's not the feeling.
The feeling is all there.
- The feeling is - Go.
Bye.
(ENGINE STARTS) Lil Lil?! You're back, you're back, you know it, you're back We both know what we want Look at you, so dangerous Smokin' hot OMG! Lily's back! Look! "Just landed in Melbourne.
An hour late.
Minimal sleep.
"Appallingly packed bag.
No phone.
"Accidentally left it on the charger.
"#Winning #PleaseEmailMe.
" What is happening? Uh Have her and Jack broken up or something? - I don't know.
- You don't know.
Hey, check out these responses.
What do you reckon? Option one: "Lols.
"Well, I can't help you with the sleep, "but if you need a temporary phone, DM me, lady.
" Or, option two: "Lols.
"I'm always late.
Rarely well-slept.
"#ImWithHer.
" Or, option three Actually, mate, I I haven't spoken to Lily since she left, so I'm probably not the best person to be advising you.
Anyway, should we get a meeting with Scribe this week and just kick on with it? Yeah, get a meeting with Scribe.
Yep, get a meeting with Scribe.
Ooh In, in I've fallen all in There's nothin' I can do I'm in your arms and I don't care What's true Someone like you can do anything you ever want - (PHONE BUZZES) - You walk in And I'm out for the count Unconditional love Take me down, knock me out LILY: (ON MESSAGE) Hi, this is Lily Woodward.
Please leave your message after the tone.
I'm a fool, I should be telling you, "Get the heck out" You're a total knockout.
- Lily! - Alice - Hi! - Hi! I am so, so sorry.
My flight was delayed.
- And then I left my phone - Oh, no, it's fine.
in New Zealand.
It's fine.
It's so fine.
And it is, like, so good to have you back.
Aw.
Mmm! - Nikkii.
- I know.
I look like shit.
- It's okay.
- No, you don't.
I do.
I wear trainers to work now and I've aged, like, 10 years.
You look the same.
Dale! I, too, have aged 10 years.
I've missed you so much.
Don't immediately deny the ageing comment.
Fine.
I am so excited.
I have seen all your previous work, in reverse order.
That sounds mildly torturous.
ALICE: Lil, this is Jeremy.
He's a new producer.
No.
It was a master class.
Exuberant, effervescent, ebullient.
Those were the key words I kept coming back to.
Thank you.
I think.
Where's Sasha? Oh She won't be checking in with us till later.
O okay.
Good.
Because I've been doing some thinking Now, it's all pretty raw at this stage, but obviously, we need a loud show this week, something like dangerous diets - (JEREMY GROANS) - or anti-vaxxers No.
Sorry.
You didn't get the running sheet? Uh, no Not if it was sent after 7am.
No.
This week is Erica's goodbye show.
Excuse me? Erica's being replaced as co-host.
Uh Her goodbye episode will be this Saturday.
We wanted someone steeped in the history of the show to take the reins.
That's why you're here.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) (KNOCKS) Lily! Hi.
You still look offensively young and beautiful.
How are you? I'm a little confused, I'll be honest.
Jeremy's the new producer? - That's right.
- And my role is? The other producer.
How did you imagine that was gonna work? Well, you know what it's like when there's one producer? Yes.
Like that, only with two.
Wh wh what's his background? He's a network pick.
Young wunderkind, apparently.
Also happens to be the CEO's son.
What a coincidence.
But so far, he's been disturbingly good.
Erica has been told, right? She was notified yesterday.
And what was the reaction? When you meet with her, I suggest you pick a room with very few throwable objects.
And maybe wear a helmet.
You came back flustered, but sunny and unencumbered.
And now you share the haunted, fearful look so common in these hallways.
So uh when did you guys hear about this Erica decision? About two hours after the Hamilton decision.
Hamilton's gone too? Hamilton went quietly, humbly, and at first, it really seemed that Erica was going to follow suit.
And then Eric came out and This isn't really an ending.
No.
It's actually a beginning.
Or is it just another chapter in the book of Smart Woman Burns while Stupid Man Rises, like every other chapter in my career, like every other chapter in the world at large?! Come on, let's let's not politicise this.
And then she basically broke down Jeremy's office door.
Our guiding key words are 'raw', 'rapacious', 'reckless' Is this reckless enough for you?! Is this RAW enough for you?! Aaaagh! DALE: And now, here you are.
And we've just had confirmation.
Erica will be coming in at 11am Friday to discuss the on-camera fond farewell/ emotional tribute/all of the feels.
My thoughts are with you.
WOMAN: Babe! - Aah! - Hey.
SIM SIM.
I'm gonna need to hold onto you for, like, the next 24 hours.
Mm-hm.
You can just go about your business and I'll be attached.
- Okay? - Okay.
(CHEERING) Vincentus Merudinus Maximus.
How are you, Lil? - Good.
- Hey, Lil.
- Hi.
- Mmmwah! And this is Yvonne.
Hi! I can't tell you how great it is to finally meet you.
Oh! You too.
I've just always felt like without meeting you, there's been a missing piece.
Oh, really? Is that missing piece a lot of nachos-eating and a maddening habit for indecision.
SIMONE: Yoo! - PETE: Hey.
- SIMONE: Oh, hey.
Hi.
Uh, it's a party now? Well, I just knew you'd want everyone here tonight, Lil.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Oh - Oh No, that's She's the main attraction.
- This is Nish - Hello! Wow! She's so big.
Oh, yeah, no.
She's a She's a big fatty now.
(LAUGHS) Um, is Mum coming tonight? ANTHONY: Can we have some wine? Hi.
Red wine? Would red wine do the trick for everyone? Red.
Let's go red.
(WHISPERS) Hey? Is Mum totally avoiding Yvonne? Like the plague.
(CLEARS THROAT) - So - So How are you? Yeah, good.
Great.
Yeah, really good.
- You? - Yeah Uh Bit of an exhausting day, but - How's Meredith? - Yeah, she's she's awesome.
She's such an amazing mum, you know And, uh and Jack? He's so good.
He's just made over a hotel-restaurant over there and it's killing it.
Oh, wow.
That's awesome.
Uh, how's the writing? Really good, yeah.
I actually, um I just finished a book.
That is fantastic! I'd love to read it.
- I'll print you a copy.
- Yeah, awesome, fantastic.
I'd like to read it too.
I'd just like to announce, at this point, that I'm at a complete average level of happiness.
SIMONE: Yeah, and, um, I would like to add that, um, I have happy moments, but then, sometimes, life presses down on me - Yeah.
- like a dark wave on my ribcage.
Sorry.
You guys are being ridiculous.
Stop it.
- (CLINKING) - Oh, God, here we go.
Nah, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.
Come on.
Look, I just want to take just a brief moment to tell our Lil how greatly we've missed you, darl, we really have.
And - Are we doing this? - Yep.
We have something to annou Well, not so much announce.
- It's more of a - YVONNE: Discuss.
You know, just something to discuss.
So, a few weeks back, I might have proposed to Yvonne.
- My God! - Really? Yvonne said maybe.
No! I did I didn't.
I said I said I couldn't possibly accept until I'd met both your children and they gave us their blessing.
Oh! I've never been asked to give my blessing before.
Uh it - Congratulations.
Of course.
- Yeah.
Fly free.
- Fly fly together.
- Yes.
Get hitched.
That's Yay! Thank you.
I appreciate that, darling.
Um Wow.
This is it's a whirlwind.
I know.
I know.
You find something like this at my age and it is it's amazing.
Have you set a date? No, we're we're thinking of something kind of small, you know, intimate.
Lil you're gonna love her.
She's she's a free spirit.
She's a lot like you.
Is that what I am? Yeah, you are.
You're a free spirit.
Is that why Mum didn't come tonight? I haven't told your mother at this time.
So, how are you imagining she would find out? (SIGHS) It's like he has some kind of special gift to be so completely brash and, yet, so completely gutless at the same time! I understand you being angry.
(SCOFFS) I'm not angry! No, I'm Good on him, I say! Good on him! I mean, I'd do exactly the same thing if I wasn't so concerned about looking absolutely ridiculous in front of every living person I'd ever met! Oh, God! Am I invited? They haven't set a date yet.
But would you really want to come? Oh, yes! I would come! And I would give her a bottle of Grange and I'd give him a bottle of antacid.
Wouldn't miss it.
(SIGHS) You're taking this really well.
Thank you, darling.
(LAUGHS) Aw - I've missed you.
- Mm.
You too.
Yeah, I miss being curled up on this couch.
You know, your father and I slept together at the beginning of last year, right here, on this couch? Hmm! No.
Well, we did.
(LAUGHING) It was absolutely terrible! Oh, darling, darling, darling.
Welcome home.
If I ever question your wisdom again, just just bring up this example.
Say, "Hey, remember when you were sure everything would be fine "and then Erica got fired and your dad imploded the family?" I'm not quite sure it's cause and effect, Lil.
I'm pretty sure all that stuff would have happened even if you never got on the plane.
Yeah, but I wouldn't have been on the front line.
That's a crucial difference! Anyway, what should I do with this phone? Can you express-post it to the production office? Yep.
You want to hear these messages now? (SIGHS) Yep.
Go.
PHONE: You have two new messages.
(BEEP!) Hi, Lily.
My name's Jeremy Guerin.
I believe we are going to be working together at The Breakfast Bar.
- Oh, God.
Delete it.
- I've heard many, many good things about you.
- All true, I assume.
- Delete it.
Delete it.
PHONE: Message deleted.
PETE: Hey, it's me, um, as in Pete, in case you've forgotten what I sound like.
Yeah, uh, I probably don't need to hear this one.
I know you're without your phone, but I also know that no force on heaven or earth LILY: Delete it.
Really, just delete that one.
can keep you separated from it for more than 20 minutes, so, um Your dad texted me and asked me to, um - Next one.
- dinner with you guys and I just thought, you know, should we meet up first and have a chat about the let's just call it the conversation we had - LILY: Okay.
Yeah, No, no.
Good to go.
- before you left.
- Really, really, just - Not that it's an active issue.
- delete it.
- It's not.
It's firmly in the past.
PHONE: Message deleted.
You have no new messages.
LILY: That's an old message.
I saw Pete tonight, so covered that.
I probably shouldn't ask, but We had a fight the last time we saw each other.
Before you and I left.
- About what? - I can't really remember.
I think he was just judging my life choices as always.
Your choice to live with me? No No, no! No, no, no.
Look, whatever it was, I saw him tonight and we're good.
Right.
I think I think she'll be really receptive to some of the ideas, especially getting everyone to share their essential Erica moments.
You know? I think I can't do this.
Can't do this, can't do this, can't do this.
Erica hi.
Lily.
Firstly, are are you okay? Do I look okay? See, if if okay was here, I I'd be I'd be all the way over here! Not okay! I might just get you some water.
Let's just Why don't we just talk about what's happened? Oh, let me tell you what happened.
See, two things.
First of all, I aged.
Like a human being! And then I asked for equal pay! Right.
I was I was not aware that the pay was a factor.
My agent quite rightly said, "Hey, she's been on the show for longer than Eric.
"About time she got equal pay.
" (LAUGHS) And do you know what they did? You know what their response was? They boned me.
Well, that's certainly a serious accusation.
When I heard that you were coming back to to produce my goodbye episode, I thought, "No, no, no, no, not not Lily.
"Not Lily.
"She wouldn't.
" Erica I'm hearing you.
Okay? And I understand you feel bad.
But there's nothing you can do.
One conversation.
Right? Just - (BANG!) - Ow.
give me one conversation.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Eric? Eric? Lily, hi! Oh no.
No, no, no.
Hang on a sec.
Hang on a sec.
(TOILET FLUSHES) Hang on.
Hang on.
(SPRAYS) Oh! Oh, my God! Have a look at you! Hands where you can see 'em.
I'm kidding.
I'm so kidding.
Not really.
No, I am.
I'm kidding.
Just a little gag.
A flashback, as we say in the business.
Come here! (LAUGHS) - How the hell are you?! - I am good Eric.
I'm good, but how? Hey, how are you? Such a difficult time.
- Huh? - With Erica going.
Yes.
Yes, it's, um It's an adjustment, definitely.
Yeah.
All those magic Eric qualities - Well! - Your rascal humour and your charm.
It was really it was the contrast with Erica that sent them through the roof, wasn't it? Well, it it Sometimes.
I guess.
It Lily, here's the thing.
You see I am what you call a generator of chemistry.
Right.
And some of the names we've been putting out there for the replacement host Jennifer Hawkins.
Sam Frost.
- Wow.
- Yes! Wait for it.
Miranda Kerr.
(POPS TONGUE) So, you are comfortable with a younger host? Yes! I'm all for it! Young is good.
Young ladies are really good.
- (LAUGHS) - That's brave.
Really brave.
Because, I mean, with Erica, she was in that perfect age window, wasn't she? Whereas with a younger host, you're gonna be a bit more like a father figure.
I'm leaving the office for half an hour.
What?! We have to brief Jeremy by the end of the day.
I predict by the time I get back, the landscape will have changed very significantly.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Thanks for emailing.
No.
Thank you for coming.
I thought last night was just a bit weird.
- Sorry about that.
- No, no, it's not your fault.
It took a lot of pillars to build that particular house of weirdness.
Mm-hm.
Uh I, um I made you a copy of this.
I wasn't sure if you were serious.
Uh, no pressure.
Life is Not a Love Song: Interviews with Musicians and their Muses.
Wow.
I didn't think you believed in muses or love, for that matter.
- What? - Sor sorry.
No, that was a terrible attempt at a joke.
That was Pete about that big conversation that we had, or run-in or I don't know what to call it.
You're gonna go there? You left a message on my phone yesterday about it.
Oh Yeah, I wasn't sure you'd heard it.
Because Jack played it to me.
- Oh - Yeah.
He has my phone and he played it to me last night on speaker.
Okay.
I tried to yell over the top of it and I don't think he's gonna go back and listen to the whole thing, but I have to ask, what did you say? Uh, hardly anything.
Okay.
I mean, you know, I didn't say, "Oh, hey, Lil, "remember that time I declared my love to you "and you didn't contact me for six months?" I didn't say that, so - Sorry.
- You didn't contact me after I kind of assumed since I was the declarer of love, that the ball was in your court.
Well, what was I supposed to do? I was going away with Jack.
You you'd had a baby with your gorgeous girlfriend.
- She's not - And anymore, my girlfriend, Meredith.
We we co-parent but we're not together, romantically, so I I'm sor I didn't know that Not that it's relevant, anyway.
Look, when you didn't contact me for so long, I kind of assumed we'd crashed and burned as friends, but then, when I heard you were back, I thought, "Maybe it's worth a try.
"Maybe when we see each other, it'll somehow be cool again.
" I don't know.
Maybe I was right the first time.
I should go.
ALICE: Oh, my God! Do not ever leave here without your phone again.
Like, ever! - Jeremy wants to see you immediately.
- Why? What's happened? Eric's quit the show.
Are you kidding? There was a very noisy power meeting and he tendered his resignation.
It's the apocalypse.
For real.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING) There's no way! You're an idiot.
Seriously.
- I think that's inappropriate - The guy's an idiot.
- You wanted to see me? - Shut the door, please.
Where have you been? I slipped out for some lunch.
- Why didn't you answer your - I don't have a phone.
Actually, I'm not interested.
Here's a quick update for you.
Since you worked your Lily magic, Eric has gone into a complete tailspin and he's quit.
So, as of right now, we have zero hosts.
- Erica will come back.
- We don't have a show without Eric.
I think we do.
Erica's competent, she's intelligent Eric brings in three times the sponsorship dollars.
The show is financially unviable without Eric.
I had my reservations about bringing you back.
I mean, you did knife me, then stole my job.
Only stayed a month before absconding with the star talent and sending the show down the toilet.
But he campaigned for you.
He said, "No, we've only got four weeks to save the show.
"We need talent.
And she's got talent.
" Turns out didn't take four weeks to kill the show, it just took you.
Look, I know technically we owe you a premium economy return flight but I think it would be pretty undignified to claim it.
- Oh, my God! - Are you okay? ALICE: If you need to cry, just cry.
Just tell us what you need.
Can I borrow a phone, please? Mum? I must have been pretty low I must have been desp pretty low I must have been pretty low That's tasty.
(PHONE RINGS) Simmy? Hey No, no.
It's not SIM.
It's me.
Please don't hang up.
Uh where are you? I'm at our karaoke place.
I'm with Simone and Mum and Vincent.
I've obliterated The Ble B-Breakfast Bar and I've destroyed my career.
- Sorry? - Yeah.
It's bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um it's really it's really bad, Pete.
But that's, um that's not why I'm calling.
I must have been pretty slow I must have been desperate I'm calling because I can't stop thinking about what happened today.
I'm really sorry.
What you said to me before I left, it's not that it didn't mean anything You don't have to say it meant too much.
Look, this is has been the worst day of my life, pretty much, and I'm only sure of two things, one I'm probably gonna fly back tomorrow, and it feels really wrong not doing karaoke with you.
(MEREDITH CLICKS TONGUE) (INTRO TO 'WHAT ABOUT ME?' PLAYS) Well, this one goes out to a special little lady, Miss Lily Woodward.
The world might have knocked her down today, but she's street smart, she's country strong, and, Lil, this one's for you.
Go, Mum.
Well, there's a little girl Standing on the corner of the counter shop No, no.
Not quite right.
She's been waiting down there Waiting half the day They never ever see her from the top She's been Pushed around, knocked to the ground But she gets to her feet BOTH: And she says What about me? Is Pete coming? I've had enough and I want You'll note that I haven't asked what's going on there.
But don't think that I don't know that something's up.
You just take more Ever since you left, Pete's been, like, a really irritable nerd and I blame you.
So What's going on with you and Vincent? Waiting for a dream You know, the words are there.
Well, she's not too proud To cry out loud She runs to the street And she says Um flatmates.
What about me? It isn't fair What? Like, I love him.
Of course I love him.
Just like a second-best friend.
Also, it's me, and I don't do relationships anymore.
So Take more than you give More than I give - Hey! - Oh, my God! Oh! - (LAUGHS) - Oh! Turns out you can't mail lithium batteries, so I decided to deliver in person.
Oh, my Jack! You're here.
MIMI AND SIMONE: But I was born to try I've learned to love Be understanding - And believe in life - PETE: Hey.
Where's Lil? Pete! - But you gotta make choices - Lily? Be wrong or right And you wanna know the worst bit? What's the worst bit? The worst bit is that I thought coming back, I was gonna be, like the the fighter pilot.
What's the? - Top Gun.
- T-top the top gun.
Yes.
Back to save everything.
Instead, I'm just the annoying, wisecracking side character that gets shot down.
I'm Goose.
There's a conversation coming on, isn't there? There probably is.
But not tonight.
Why not? After this many margaritas you know you'll get the truth.
I wouldn't always get the truth? That thing with Pete before I left.
He came over and he made this big speech and he said he thought I shouldn't go away with you.
I was making a big mistake.
That I'd regret giving up my career.
Was he right? No.
No.
No, I don't I don't know.
'Cause you seem a lot more upset about this Breakfast Bar drama than you were when your doco got rejected.
That that was me shooting myself in the foot.
This is me shooting all my friends in the face.
Lil, I know you.
You never say die.
You conned me into a television career even though I said no about 70 times.
You just kept coming up with more arguments.
I'm officially out of arguments.
I don't believe that for a second.
- Have you been drinking? - Yes! And singing Meat Loaf's greatest hits.
Erica I'm sorry.
I can't save your job.
I'm really sorry.
I've tried, but I can't.
There are two paths from here.
You can lash out at the show get out all your revenge and it'll feel good, but your TV career will be over.
- I don't care about TV.
- Really? I think you do.
You owe it to yourself to keep your career alive and the way the way to do that is to nail this goodbye episode.
Now, I will give you five minutes to the audience direct.
You'll be thoughtful, you'll be dignified you'll be inspirational and every TV network will be falling over themselves to hire you.
Right.
I think you should go through to make-up straightaway.
- Lily! - Hi.
I need to speak to Sasha immediately.
- Do you know where she is? - Sasha's here.
JEREMY: Sorry, what's going on? Um okay.
Go through to make-up.
I'm here and I've been up since 1:30 trying to piece together a show with the weekend weather girl.
Erica is about to announce her goodbye and Eric is about to arrive.
- Where is he, then? - Have you been drinking? When I told him that Erica was going to claim her departure on air, he was only more than happy to participate.
We already have an alternative plan, and frankly, I think it's really I'm feeling very confident that I could deliver this episode.
Okay, people! Let's make history.
You realise this is your absolute, 100%, final last chance? (BURPS) I mean, it's been an extremely trying 24 hours, certainly.
Mm.
Can't imagine your pain.
PRODUCER: Here we go.
10 seconds.
Nine, eight, seven, six On a screen And you're living the dream Na-Na-Na, Na-Na-Na-Na, Na, Na, Na, Na Well, good morning.
Good morning, everyone.
Welcome to The Breakfast Bar.
And we have got a fantastic show for you today, but before we roll into the fun and frivolity, I'd like to begin by making a little bit of an announcement.
Today will be my final day on The Breakfast Bar.
Oh, guys, how about it? - Hmm? - Oh.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE) - Wasn't gonna cry.
Wasn't gonna cry.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE) (LAUGHS) Uh, it's It's the end of a fantastic chapter, but it's also the beginning of a new one.
And I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all to thank all of our loyal viewers who have come on this journey with me.
Thank you.
And I'd like to also thank this guy here, to my right.
- Oh, no.
- Eric Albrechtson.
Tight on Eric.
Tight on Eric.
No, Eric, in your own inimitable way, you have pushed me Eric, relax your face.
You look like you're having a prostate exam.
pushed me to work twice as hard, to be twice as smart, twice as talented and twice as qualified.
- And I'd like to thank you for that.
- You're welcome.
Very nice.
Now On a final note, I'd just like to say something to all the women.
The road will not be easy.
It won't be fun.
And it certainly won't be even.
And if you're a queer woman or a woman of colour, then that is twice as true.
And just when you think that final destination is in sight (LAUGHS) you're probably going to be overtaken by a pair of testicles with hair implants because that is the state of the world.
That's how it is right now.
And I would like to say something to the boys if I may - Oh, here we go.
Boys - Um should I cut to Eric? Cut to him.
Cut to him! You will spend most of your adult life apologising for being straight, knowing that if only you were a tree-hugging, bisexual Muslim, you might actually command some respect.
You see, girls? This is the kind of stupid argument you will have to endure from people who have had every opportunity Oh, that's because the world is sexist.
.
.
extended to them.
Not because you had the wit of a young Letterman - and the looks of a young Hasselhoff - Change is possible.
NIKKII: Oh, my God.
We've broken Twitter.
These same people If we stick together.
If we are united Jesus Christ.
Because you don't have the right to cry.
- Well, boys - with me, then We've done it! - I ask you, please, right now - Boys, I feel you.
- Good to have you back, Lily.
- can change this world together! And coming up now, why don't we take a look back at those magic Erica moments? Pages turning, lights are burning See what you could not see It's plain as the day The night makes you pay For what was hidden underneath Longing to leave but begging to - Is she down? - Down.
Oh, my gosh.
Make you stay Is this the greatest triumph of your life? Oh almost certainly, yes.
(SIGHS) - Tea? - Oh, I'd love one, thanks.
All that keeps us up at night Yep.
Okay.
I'll get it.
There is far to go now Let's not waste a minute more In denial But I always thought You knew yourself Better than anyone The season was lost When you started listening To everyone else Casting this devil I've got the mettle The means to She didn't actually say, "You saved the entire show," but that was pretty much the implication, and, oh, my God, you should have seen Eric's reaction.
- It was - Did he explode? Mm.
He was on the brink.
But then I just fed his ego a little bit.
I told him it'd be an iconic moment and he was off 15 minutes later, getting a spray tan.
(LAUGHS) So good.
So, so good.
- (SIGHS) - What is that? What? No.
Why are you shaking your head? Are you thinking I'm an appalling person? No.
I'm thinking you seem more alive right now than you have for months.
It's just 17 coffees and two Red Bulls and the ice-cream.
I want you to promise me you'll never pretend to be happy just for my sake.
Okay.
And I think we should cancel our flights back.
I think we should stay.
That our eyes will be open I love you.
That our eyes will be open (CLEARS THROAT) Me me too! (LAUGHS) I Uh I l It's a funny word to say, love.
It's I'm trying to say it.
So There is far to go now Let's not waste a minute more.
Singing Lily I want to I always liked this song.
Make some great TV with you.
Absoloutly no way you are singing.
NARRATOR: In the work life, Lily is prepared for anything.
Nikkii, just ask the question Wooo.
She just dropped one on the health Minister It's okay, it's okay NARRATOR: But in her love life? Hey, I wanna show you something.
NARRATOR: Lily isn't prepared for this.
I want us to have a proper home that's ours.
So, we have bedrooms? - (GASPS) - Will you think about it? The thrilling new season of The Wrong Girl, next Thursday on Ten.