Turbo FAST (2013) s02e01 Episode Script

1 [engine revvs.]
- Whoa! - Woo! Those snails are fast - Turbo - F-A-S-T That's the team you'll never beat Turbo, he got super speed Whiplash, he jets to the lead Skidmark, propeller flow Chet's safe, he'll take it slow Smoove Move with them speakers, baby Burn burnin' that fire crazy White Shadow, big with no fear Now you know the team is here There they go, gone in a flash - Those snails are fast - Turbo - Those snails are fast - Whoa! - Those snails are fast - Whoa! Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast - Turbo - Woo! Dang, Tito really upped his game with this new salsa bar.
Mmm, pico de gallo, cilantro, cookie dough! - Hey-hey, what are these? - Careful! Those are ghost peppers, the spiciest peppers on Earth.
Yeah, only I could handle one of those babies.
I'm spicy from head to tail.
It ain't about the spice in your tail.
It's about the toughness of the snail.
And if any snail's tough enough to eat one of these, it's me.
Guys, I've eaten actual garbage.
I think I can handle a pepper.
- Snail, please! - No you couldn't.
- Are you - You can't handle a ghost pepper! - My pepper - It's a ghost pepper, Shadow! That's it.
Challenge! - [blaring.]
- [gasping.]
Show yourself, Pygmy Bigfoot.
[horn blares.]
Huh? [ballet music plays.]
[horn blares.]
[cheering.]
Come on, Deuce, you gotta jump.
I promise I'll catch you.
I trust you completely, Turbo.
[horn blares.]
[all screaming.]
Whoo-hoo-hooey! All right, snails, an official challenge has been issued.
First one to finish their entire ghost pepper gets to wear the victory crown.
Let the challenge begin! You call this spicy? Hmph! I barely feel a tingle.
I could eat a jillion of these.
[kettle whistles.]
[screaming.]
Blech, blech, blech! Gimme, gimme, gimme! [belches.]
Look at these dummies.
You don't chew a pepper.
You gotta snake it.
[gulping.]
Yeah! Chew on that, suckers! Oh, yeah! I'm king of the [growling.]
[farts.]
[screaming.]
Ah, a whole weekend paying bills.
And now I get to mail them! Everything's coming up Chet! - [screaming.]
- Whoa! Watch it! Ooh! [sighs.]
Let me guess.
Another one of your silly challenges? What was it this time, shark-taunting? Beard-eating? Some sort of fight club which you don't talk about? Ghost peppers.
Ridiculous.
You cause all this chaos, and for what? This sweet crown! [farts, screams.]
I thought you guys would've learned your lesson after your last challenge.
[inhales, belches.]
[belches.]
[belching.]
Ah, don't be a hater, Boo.
Challenges are fun.
Yeah, don't discriminate until you participate.
Come on, Chet.
You should try it at least once.
You can even pick the challenge.
Are you kiddin' me?! I'd never in a million years Wait.
I can pick any challenge? Yeah! Bring it on, snail.
We're up for anything! - Yeah! - This is gonna be fantastic! [snickers.]
All right.
I've got a challenge, and it's a doozy.
- Ahh? - Huh? The challenge is who can go the longest without - Sleeping? - Showering? Twerking? - racing.
- [all shriek.]
Not racing! That goes against everything we know and love! - Yeah! - Come on now! Well, if you guys just wanna weenie out, I can just go ahead and take the crown now.
Oh, no.
I am not giving up this crown.
You will when I win the challenge.
Pssh, I've got more willpower in my left eyestalk than the rest of y'all combined.
- Bring it on! - Yeah! In that case, let the challenge begin! Good luck, everybody.
Although, I'm pretty sure I got this one in the bag.
[laughter.]
Whatever! Ha! Garden snail, you're not gonna last five minutes.
You're supposed to be in a race right now.
Well, then I'll just slide on down there and cancel it.
I can resist a race.
Easy peezy.
All right, the rules are simple.
Anything faster than a normal snail's pace is an automatic disqualification.
Now, I suggest you all get comfy, because this could take a while.
I'm out! [laughter.]
[straining.]
Who took my gum? Nobody took your stinkin' gum! I moved it to the top drawer where it belongs! It belongs where I put it! [both growling.]
[both growling.]
Tensions are high.
Someone's gonna break, but it won't be me.
Ha ha ha! Now I can't race.
I'm a genius! Did you think about how you're gonna go to the potty? I didn't think about anything.
[grumbling.]
Ah, this is more like it.
No one zipping around causing mass chaos.
Plus, I'm gonna win that sweet little crown.
Chet, you've earned this smug smile.
The earthquake insurance bill! I never mailed it! Dang, Chet.
The post office closes in three minutes.
You will have to race to get down there.
Or you could just pay it tomorrow.
I mean, what are the odds of a big earthquake hitting tonight? 0.
0001%.
You're right.
It's too risky! And then there were five.
[snoring.]
[gasps.]
Extra-shellestrials! Skidmark, we have come to bring one snail back to our home planet, where they will learn all of the secrets of the universe.
Who built the pyramids, how to turn off gravity, and Whiplash's real age.
Will I be subjected to invasive and unnecessary experiments? - Of course you will.
- Then sign me up! Magnificent! However, you may only be chosen if you beat us in a race around your Earth track.
But I'll lose the challenge.
Do not worry, this is a dream so you will not be disqualified.
[powering up.]
In that case, game on, snail-liens.
[fly buzzing.]
[screams.]
[straining.]
[scoffs.]
Look at this, Cameron.
That snail is eating used gum.
Not in the mood, slugs.
Go back to Sherman Oaks.
With pleasure.
As soon as we dump our trash.
Hey, our town isn't a dump! It just smells like one.
[snarling.]
[snickers.]
Hey, Tyler, I thought these racing snails were supposed to be fast.
She's slower than our rich, old granny.
Ooh, if I was allowed to race, I would smoke you like a rotisserie chicken! Sounds to me like you're the chicken.
[chuckles.]
[snarling.]
[clattering.]
That felt good! [groaning.]
All right, all right.
Looks like we're down to three.
[sighs.]
Make that two.
Whip, you're out? What happened? Uh Ah, Ladies Choice Lavender Lotion.
The only way to soothe the savage snail.
A sale on Lavender Lotion! Let's race over there and buy up the last of it.
[squeals.]
Oh, no you don't! Uh Never mind what happened! I'm just out, all right? Looks like it's just down to you and me, big guy.
Best friends going head-to-head to the death! What? Whoa, hold it, man.
We're just playing for the crown.
Oh, really? Phew! That's a load off.
Well, good luck.
[humming a tune.]
Slide slide Shadow, I just wanna say that no matter who wins, I think you did a great job.
Thanks, buddy! Too bad you can't race though 'cause somebody just put some crazy, new moguls on the track.
Moguls?! Those are my favorite! Oh, that's right.
They are your favorite.
But it's not a good day to race anyway 'cause somebody spilled a whole bag of Cheese Doodies near the finish line.
Cheese Doodies?! Those are also my favorite! Yeah Well, see you later.
This one is in the bag.
White Shadow! Yeah, baby! I won! Now I can finally get my race on.
Tough break there, Shadow Huh? Wait, what? Deception! See, I knew you'd try to dupe me again, since that's what best friends do, maliciously trick each other.
But I got you first, like a shadow.
Wow, Shadow.
Didn't think you could pull off something that clever.
It was his idea.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
White Shadow! Well, you gotta admit, that snail is clearly the master of self-control.
[chomps.]
Mmm, I'm delicious! [belches.]
Now remember, whatever you do, do not make me look bad at this Coaching Retreat.
We got Yelling at noon, Screaming at 1:00, and a fascinating seminar on Hollering at 2:30.
This is the best day of my life! You are really scary when you're happy.
Hey, where are Skid and Shadow? [crashing.]
[stammering.]
[grunting, gasping.]
I know you're excited, but try to simmer down.
We can't! We've got Restless Tail Syndrome! [grunting, yelling.]
Restless Tail Syndrome? It's a totally real thing that we saw in a commercial.
I have no control of my tail whatsoever! All right, let's go without them.
Seriously? Whiplash, there is nothing wrong with them.
[grunting.]
[Skidmark.]
I'm restless! Rest-less! Ugh.
We ain't got time for their nonsense.
This is a Coaching Retreat! If we're late, they'll make us do laps! Now the rest of you, let's go, go, go! [Shadow grunting.]
I thought you said I could play hooky with you guys this time! Well, this is what happens when you skip rehearsal.
[Whiplash.]
What part of "go, go, go" was unclear? Ugh.
I'm coming.
[yells.]
[boing.]
Suckers.
They totally bought it.
I control you, tail! You don't control me! [door creaks.]
Let the marathon begin! - [screeches.]
- Now, tomorrow, when we get back into Turbo Town, you'll all be changed snails.
Are you pumped!? [whispers.]
I'm scared.
[dings.]
You hear that, bro? These F.
A.
S.
T.
snails are gonna be gone all day.
Yeah.
We better go look after their clubhouse.
Make sure nobody robs 'em blind.
A great plan.
One small problem, we're robbers! I know that, ya numbskull! I was being clever! [alarm bell ringing.]
[police officers grumbling.]
Arrest, arrest.
Arrest, arrest.
[locks clicking.]
You ready for the marathon? It's going to be pretty intense.
I am prepared.
[mellow music playing.]
Gossip Snail! [both.]
Eeee! Now we can binge-watch the entire series and stop living in constant fear of spoilers! Did you hear? Gossip Snail - Aah! Spoiler! - Aah! Spoiler! [both scream.]
- Spoiler! - Spoiler! [both scream.]
- Spoiler! - Spoiler! [yelling.]
[Skidmark.]
Nowhere is safe! [Gossip Snail.]
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Gossip Snail here.
Digging up all the dirt on the social elite and giving it straight to you.
Oh, man.
I love dirt! How does this Gossip Snail know everything? Is she a spy? Can she read minds? I have to know! Wait, don't tell me.
[giggles.]
Anticipation is the best part! [Gossip Snail.]
Looks like trouble's at your door and isn't even bothering to knock.
Ha! We didn't even knock.
Whoa! Bomb digs they got here.
That Turbo's real rich and famous.
He's gotta have tons of good stuff we could take off his hands.
Snails don't have hands, wise guy.
Ow! It was a metaphor, barnacle brain.
Somewhere in this clubhouse, he's probably got a wicked stash of treasure.
Money, trophies, the deed to a secret island in the Caribbean.
Eh, I'm not seeing any of that in here.
Then check the other rooms, smarty pants.
Oh, I got something! Ooh, jackpot! That's not treasure, ya chowderhead.
That's mechanically separated meat stuffs.
But it's better 'cause you can eat it! Hey! How 'bout we steal their snacks? People could call us the Snack Bandits! - Oh! - Snack Bandits? That's the worst idea I've ever heard! Only 'cause you didn't think of it.
Keep out? There must be something important in there.
Like their treasure.
Ow! Of course, like their treasure! Why else would I be rubbing my claws all sinister-like?! [Gossip Snail.]
Falcon was so busy looking ahead, she never saw that her real problem was right behind her.
Oh man, I really thought someone was gonna be there! I thought they were supposed to be gone until tomorrow.
They are.
Just that dim-witted one and the weirdo.
How hard can it be to pull one over on those guys? Ahh just what I was thinking! No, it wasn't! Yuh-huh.
How would you know? [both grunting.]
Hugs and kisses, Gossip Snail.
Genius idea! Let's make this a multi-screen experience and watch all the episodes at once! We'll find out who Gossip Snail is so much faster! I like the way you're thinking, but those screens are for my totally invasive security surveillance system.
I meant to turn it on in case the guys came home early.
But don't worry, I'm totally not watching everyone in Turbo Town.
[horn honking.]
Ahh! Rogue clown! No, that's my intruder alarm.
So, unless the intruder's a rogue clown Phew.
It's just those crab burglars.
What do ya think they want? I conveniently know how to read lips, so either they're saying, "watermelon, cantaloupe, peas and carrots, peas and carrots," or they're here to steal all our stuff.
We have to stop them! [gasps.]
But we can't stop bingeing now! I gotta find out who Gossip Snail is! I didn't want to have to do this, but they leave us no choice.
Whoa.
Too far, Skid.
Too far.
I never get to use my vaporizer gun! [Gossip Snail.]
When times get tough, there's only one thing to do: Throw a party.
It's like she knows our life! Stop.
Stop.
You're right.
We're brothers.
We shouldn't fight like this.
Let's hug it out, huh, bro? [dance music plays.]
[crowd chatter.]
Oh, no! The snails got home early! - This is your fault! - This is your fault! - Booyah! - Booyah! Now, back to the binge.
[Gossip Snail.]
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Let's just crash their party.
For all the party snacks? I knew you'd come around.
Snack Bandits! [music stops.]
[Clip.]
Hey, this ain't no party! They think they can pull one over on us? We're the puller-over-ers! Ugh.
There goes the video feed.
They are making it really difficult to enjoy this marathon.
What would Gossip Snail do? [Gossip Snail.]
Only one thing to do with a party crasher.
[groans.]
Let's make this quick.
[both yell.]
- Booyah! - Booyah! Gossip Snail has to be Cassidy.
Cassidy? Please! Gossip Snail has to be someone stealthy, someone you'd never suspect.
Like a shadow.
- What? But she would never - [horn honks.]
[both grunt.]
[Gossip Snail.]
Will Cassidy get caught up in the net of her own lies? [both grunt.]
[yelling, groaning.]
[horn honking.]
- [kettle whistling.]
- Are you kidding me? Uh-uh-uh.
[Gossip Snail.]
If you can't get rid of a problem, contain it.
If I've learned one thing from Gossip Snail, it's that I need to watch more Gossip Snail! This ends now! This ends now! [screams.]
[sputtering.]
- [buzzes.]
- [clucks.]
[cuckoo clock chirps.]
[both yell.]
In hindsight we probably should have started with the jar.
All right, Gossip Snail.
Spill.
[Gossip Snail.]
Secrets are all well and good, but they always come out in the end, including my identity.
This is it.
I feel like I've been waiting for this moment my whole life! [Clap.]
If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be in this jar.
I know we're in a jar! I know! I know! - [groans.]
- Looks like the party's over.
Time for me to reveal my true identity.
My name is is [in slow motion.]
is - [Clip and Clap shouting.]
- [Clip.]
Let go of my eyestalk! Not until you let go of mine! - [groaning.]
- You're ruining the big moment! Do you mind? We are trying to watch Gossip Snail! Oh, man.
We love that show.
Yeah! Can you believe Gossip Snail was Carter? It was a slug the whole time! [kettle whistling.]
Spoiler! We talked about this! [groans.]
You gotta say, "spoiler alert!" [gun blast.]
[yells.]
[both yelling.]
[gasping.]
Do I even wanna know what happened? Long story short: Clip and Clap tried to knock over the place, and I'm not saying we're heroes, but Shadow and I did save the clubhouse.
No need to thank us or anything.
Why didn't you just lock the doors? [gasps.]
They lock?! [chuckles.]
Yeah, forgot about that.
[remote chirps twice.]
Well, at least they didn't find our treasure horde, right guys? - We don't have a treasure horde.
- No.
Of course not.
No, really.
We don't.
Right.
Whatever you say.
[wink.]
Skid, we don't have [Turbo.]
How long has this been here? [music.]
[growls.]