Ugly Betty s02e01 Episode Script

Season on "ugly betty" - is this a good idea? - no.
- henry! - charlie? they denied my visa.
so what does that - what does that mean? it means i have to stay here for i don't know how long.
charlie,what are you doing here? i'm pregnant.
it's my by.
i have to go to tucson with her.
dr.
farkas has been dating a girl named charlie.
maybe the baby isn't henry's! you hate me! the thing is,i don't hate you.
daniel,you're loaded.
????? ???? - oh,my god! the brakes.
- what? what? what? what? wilhelmina,will you spend the rest of your life with me? you know i will.
my husband won't take my calls.
he won't see me.
i know if i could just get to him,i could save my marriage.
relax,fish,a'ight? it's all going down tomorrow when they transfer us upstate.
get the damn gun! this is happening! why would fey have pictures of me in her safe? fey sommers was your mother.
i love you,hilda,and i want you to be my wife.
??????? oh betty are you all right? did you break another vase? no senor grubstick what`s breaking is my haert betty.
whore darling ican explain! i can not take your lies anymory i am having you baby if i can`t have you no one eles you you will have to kill me to get to him my pleasure no wait don`t do ti seeing you like this makes me realize just haow mach i love what i love you too ay.
no! no! no - aunt betty! - oh,god.
sorry.
it was just a bad dream.
what time is it? you fell asleep in front of the tv again last night.
oh,god.
i can't be late.
daniel's getting out of the hospital today.
i gotta throw some laundry in.
- i gotta get breakfast started.
is your mom coming down? - like she'd ever leave that room.
hey,why don't i just skip camp today - and help you do the laundry? - justin,it can't be that bad.
it's arts and crafts.
they keep us locked in a room,making us paint rocks - and calling them paperweights.
look, - you're going.
now you want some cereal? shoot.
i forgot to get the cereal which is okay because we don't have any milk.
don't worry about it.
we're making macaroni necklaces today.
i'll just eat that.
when's grandpa coming home from mexico? i miss him.
i know.
i miss him,too.
he'll be home soon.
it's gotta be soon.
hey.
where'd you go? i couldn't listen to you snore anymore.
i took a shower.
what is the matter with you? you're not supposed to get your bandages wet, and i do not snore.
i - sometimes i sing through my nose.
oh.
okay.
mm-hmm.
you know what? i'm actually feeling a whole lot better today.
maybe****** oh no nono you are not ready to go back to your place.
hilda.
does this hurt? ow.
you see? you're not ready to go back.
it's been three weeks.
hmm.
you're gonna have to let me out of here sometime.
ahh.
????? ???? except hotter.
what is the rush? we got a great setup here.
betty brings us our meals.
we got tv.
no one gets shot.
you see this gray hair? this one is called "santos almost died.
" i'm not willing to risk another one, so just sit back.
relax.
watch tv.
morning,trendies.
this is "fashion buzz," and coming up in the hour, we'll tell you why mauve is bad, stripes are the fad and naomi's gone mad.
but first,an exclusive with "mode" director and soon-to-be bride of bradford meade, wilhelmina slater.
clearly,grief becomes la slater.
she looked ah-mah-zing as she gave us an update on daniel and alexis meade's recovery from that nasty car accident three weeks ago.
bradford and i want the people to know that we are planning on moving forward with our wedding, and i did ask alexis if she would like us to move ahead and told her to flutter her eyelid once for yes oh.
and by god,that little eyelid fluttered.
that's our girl.
she is not your girl! that is my family,do you hear me? do you hear me?! oh,no,she can't, but everybody else in montauk can.
- yoga,where have you been? - i went for a walk on the beach.
then i copped us some blueberries from the farmers market.
ooh,fish,i got to give it to you.
hiding out in the hamptons - sure do beat that crack house in the bronx.
- just don't get used to it.
mitsy sacks will be back from barcelona in the fall, and i don't think she'll take too kindly - to having escaped convicts hiding out in her home.
- just as long as we still hanging for candy bergen's end-of-the-summer barbecue 'cause everybody was talking about that - at the clambake last night.
- we are fugitives.
you're going to get us caught.
you the one everybody recognize.
folks just see me up in here, they think i'm the maid or gayle king.
oh,shoot.
i almost forgot.
found you a new seashell.
i don't want any more damn shells! i want to see my children.
i want my husband back, but that damn bitch won't let him out her sight.
she's moved into my house, changed his cell phone,his e-mail.
you gon' get yours,it's just- you front page still,baby.
what if i wear a disguise? mitsy throws a big halloween party every year.
she has a closet full of costumes upstairs.
you got a date on that party? 'cause i already got uma's hayride that week.
oh,my god.
mmm.
guessed who just showered a mere 7 inches away from mr.
emilio estevez at the gym this morning.
i am telling you-steam,a little soap in your eyes st.
elmo's still on fire.
mmm.
what is that on the corner of your mouth? lip liner.
don't you lie to me,missy.
you've taken a lover, and that lover has a creamy center.
just leave me alone.
mandy you're binging and gaining weight by the minute.
stop staring at me! i didn't stop when emilio asked,and i won't stop now.
listen to me.
i know you're stressed about this whole birth certificate thing.
shh! but you're starting to look like two fat girls hugging.
just bite the bullet and confront your parents.
what if it's true? what if fey sommers is really my mother? but at least you'll know the truth and let the healing begin, and by "healing," i mean a 3-day f flush.
i haven'gained that much.
you can't even notice.
"mode" magazine,please hold.
morning,mark,betty.
i'm calling them.
i'm calling them! ew.
- good morning.
- oh,betty,i'm so glad you're here.
big toe-please scratch.
okay.
oh,yeah,that's it.
oh,i'll never forget this.
this is not what i want to be remembered for.
so when are they coming to unhook you from this thing? - actually,i don't think i'll be getting out of here today.
- what? but the doctor said- you want to listen the doctor or the guy who smashed into a tree going 80 miles an hour? - i am still in a lot of pain here,betty.
- well,i can see that.
you've taken the pain pill every time they've offered it.
you know,daniel,you may just want to pass on the pill - and see how you're feeling.
- yeah,that whole feeling part-not really interested.
all right,i get it.
so how's alexis? there's no change.
mm.
i was in with her all morning.
you know,i've been doing a lot of internet research, - and they say you really should talk to coma victims.
- betty,i'm doing everything i can.
i know.
i'm sorry.
???? you know wilhelmina- jumping in with both claws,running with it.
oh,that reminds me.
here are my notes on the features and the tahiti shoot.
make sure wilhelmina incorporates them.
???? after all,everything i do here is in service of daniel's vision.
well,thank you very much,wilhelmina.
i will tell him you said that.
all right,sheila.
the victoria's secret shoot- we have two double-page spreads in november.
go.
okay.
the concept is "what is sexy?" adriana and alessandra are booked, and we've put a pin in st.
barths or coney island, depending on the budget.
and who's shooting? peter? i slept with peter.
trust me,he doesn't know what sexy is.
i was thinking warren.
he made kate moss look like a man.
get owen.
done.
by the way i'm wearing the "very sexy" push-up bra they sent over.
i've never felt hotter.
save the ass kissing for the clients,sheila.
all right,features.
i'm moving the london designers to the front.
tell health and fitness they get six pages instead of eight, and i'm still not happy with european getaways.
congratulations,phillip.
you've managed to make paris boring.
get me a new draft by the end of the day.
all right,people,gear up for the natural disasters shoot today, so sparkle and dazzle.
mm.
it's beautiful,isn't it? mm.
our best october yet.
you've outdone mm.
and for what? this magazine will never be mine.
claire owns "mode," and she'll never give it up.
who cares? in a few weeks, you'll be marrying old man liver spots and all the rest of meade publications will be yours.
mm.
if she doesn't screw that up for me,too.
she's out there somewhere.
i just have to make sure she does not make any contact with bradford before i get that ring on my finger.
mm.
where are you,you gin-soaked hag? come out,come out,wherever you are.
okay,the victoria's secret stuff's good to go.
ooh.
ooh.
the leopard print baby doll.
hello,mrs.
matt damon.
are you doing that "mrs.
matt damon" thing again? i'd like to give him a "bourne ultimatum.
" listen,do you have the test shots for the natural disasters makeover shoot today? i want to show 'em to daniel.
right here.
oh,amazing.
tse women have lost everything.
wilhelmina thinks a mani-pedi and a new weave is gonna change their lives.
oh,and who said fashion doesn't care? still on for lunch? that was lunch.
i have to go.
gotta meet my dad's lawyer.
gotta do some grocery shopping.
gotta get a sandwich to the hospital for daniel because they're serving fish,and he hates it.
then i gotta be back here for the photo shoot at 3:00.
betty,you can't keep going at this pace.
i'm fine.
no,you're not,look at you.
you're rushing around after everybody else.
what about you? have you even called henry? it's been three weeks.
oh,christina,please.
look,i don't have time to think about henry, not with santos and daniel and alexis and-and my dad still stuck in mexico.
i don't have time to worry about little boyfriend problems, which isn't even a problem because he's not here.
he's in tucson with his pregnant girlfriend.
end of story.
but m-maybe the baby's not his.
and maybe it is, and the best thing that i can do to take care of myself is to not think about him at all.
betty,i just don't want you- christina,enough! i cannot let myself be distracted by henry.
i need to look straight ahead.
(thu oh,betty.
love hurts so this is where you grew up? this is it - the house of lies.
mother! if that is her real name.
amanda? wh-what are you doing out here in the middle of the afternoon? and overweight? who's overweight? amanda! hi,kitten.
you didn't call.
what are you doing here? i waed to talk to you both now, while i've got my nerve.
i don't think you two have been very honest with me.
what are you talking about? we tell you everything.
actually,i think there's one very big secret you haven't told me about.
what secrets? we don't have any secrets in this house.
no.
yoo-hoo! did someone forget about us? we were getting lonely.
uh,this is our daughter a-a-amanda and her friend marc, and this is,um,bob and elaine klein.
they're our new,uh,internet friends.
it's a very funny story.
see,they came over to play tennis.
and wouldn't you know it,the sprinklers went off? that's right.
that's right.
it was they're just waiting for their clothes to dry.
you know what? we're,uh,we're gonna go wait.
for our clothes to dry.
now what's all this crazy talk about secrets? you know what? i - i can't do this.
never mind.
- amanda.
- i can't.
- you have to.
- i can't! amanda found a birth certificate that said that fey sommers was her real mother.
ugh.
this is taking forever.
i just have so much to do today.
you don't understand.
daniel cannot eat hospital fish.
okay,ms.
suarez.
uh,it doesn't appear to be a concussion see? but i am a tad concerned about your heart rate and blood pressure.
really? he said a "tad.
" a tad isn't serious,right? could be nothing,could be stress related.
now are you under lot of pressure right now? yes.
no.
no.
well,you might want to think about slowing down a bit.
now leave that patch on until the swelling's gone, and i'll be back in a minute with a prescription.
okay.
thank you very much,doctor.
well,i hope you take his warning seriously and maybe start to slow down just a little bit - oh,no! it's 12:00! i'm late for my dad's lawyer.
will you stay for the prescription? please,please,please,please,please.
and tell them i'll be there on time for the photo shoot.
excuse me! we're so sorry we never told you,honey.
fey never wanted you to know.
i can't believe this.
i'm adopted.
how? well,when your father worked for fey,you know, handling her accounts,she found out she was pregnant.
she wouldn't even tell us who the father was.
honey,all fey ever wanted was a career.
she knew she could never give you the love you needed.
and since we couldn't have kids on our own your father has lethargic sperm.
is that really an important part of the story,rosemary? so you've been lying to me all these years? i'm not here.
just looking for some more wine.
amanda,adopted or not, - weoved you from the moment we held you in our arms.
- you're still our little girl.
no,i'm not! i'm fey's and some guy we don't even know.
i don't think i'll ever be able to trust you two ever again! it was really nice seeing you again.
your home is beautiful.
hey.
hey! you leave my sister alone.
you want a photo of a meade in trouble? here i am,you son of a bitch! mr.
meade,this is i.
c.
u.
any change at all today? her vitals are the same.
mr.
meade,are you sure you don't want to go in and see her? it just seems like you want to.
you come this far every day, and you look at her through the window.
i can't.
no,i think,um,i need my medication.
it's been four hours.
you know,you go through life thinking you're one person, and then boom,just like that,the slate is wiped clean.
i mean,who am i? - you are fey sommers' daughter.
- yeah,but what does that even mean? she's just a woman who walked by my desk for years, and she never even looked at me,and now she's gone.
maybe if we can find out who your real father is how? he could be anybody.
true.
your mother was a hoochie in a bob.
mm.
if bradford is my father, that makes daniel my brother who i slept with a lot, and that's the kind of dirty that don't wash clean.
okay,first of all,he'd be your half brother.
already a little better,right? and second,i gotta say,kinda hot.
it's incest.
okay,before you get all "flowers in the attic" on me, let's first find out if bradford really is your dad.
and how are we gonna do that? invite him to father's day brunch and see if he shows up? no,sarcasma.
three words-d.
n.
a.
dad,i'm so sorry.
i was only ten minutes late to the lawyer's office, but he still wouldn't see me.
so i made another appointment.
mija,relax.
i'm fine here.
although it wouldn't kill your cheap aunt to turn on the air conditioning every now and then! well,are you eating enough? are you taking your medication? oh! oh,i'm sorry.
no peripheral vision.
stop worrying about me.
it just kills me that i'm so far away.
i know.
but you'll be home soon,so just have faith.
te quiero.
te quiero.
s? i mean,hello> is this betty suarez? yeah.
this is lisa lapera,justin's camp counselor.
i just wanted to let you know,your nephew just took off.
what do you mean,he just took off? apparently,the indian dream catchers we were making were "amateurish" and "culturally insensitive.
" he threw a hissy fit and said he was going home, and i'm not sure,but i think he stole a bottle of glitter.
and we need that back or a check for $1.
99.
justin wouldn't hello? ugh.
this is not happening.
no! damn,the hooker had her baby kidnapped, now she has tetanus? that's a pretty bad monday.
okay,december 15th is the latest we can go with the new wedding date.
otherwise people try to combine your wedding gift with your christmas gift, and that is not gonna happen.
you sure you wanna wait till december? i mean,didn't this teach us anything? gotta live for today.
what are you trying to say? let's elope.
elope? yeah.
oh.
no,seriously,you,me,we'll grab justin.
we'll go down to city hall this weekend.
besides,my dad would die if he doesn't get to give me away.
i guess it would be pretty rough to miss you walking down the aisle in your wedding dress.
you think it's all right that i'm wearing white,right? why don't you show me the dress? no way! that is bad luck! i just got shot.
how much worse can my luck get? come on,mama.
oh dad-ford! i mean,bradford.
i mean,mr.
meade! i sufferrom severe cotton mouth.
would you mind licking this for me? i beg your pardon? lick this for me.
amanda,you don't have to lick these.
see? thank you,betty.
you're welcome.
hey,what's different about you? did you ge your hair cut? i'm wearing an eye patch.
you didn't always have that? those are pink gerber daisies.
hey,look at that! they're for you.
i think they came a few weeks ago.
well,why didn't you give them to me? you know what,betty? i have had a lot on my mind these last few weeks.
amanda! it might be hard to believe, but pretty girls have problems,too.
thinking of you all right, ladies of natural disasters, and do say "ladies" and not "victims," because there isn't a victim among you.
you've all survived horrible tragedies and now "mode" is going to make you beautiful.
sheila,talk to me.
okay,just like on the storyboards-- we're gonna show them at their absolute worst-- ravaged by hurricanes, floods,fires sad,sad,sad.
and then we do the "afters.
" happy,sexy,blown out.
i love it.
we change their lives and,uh, showcase the fall collections.
mm-hmm.
just make sure the skinny ones are up front.
(sheila) "famine," makeup.
now.
bless your heart.
what disaster are you, honey? mudslide? what? no,i'm not a victim.
i'm fine.
i just need some food.
my blood sugar's a little low.
uh-huh.
looking good,"flood.
" excuse me, are there any more bagels? i don't see any more bagels.
uh,no! you can have mine.
no,no,no,no,no.
i'm not gonna take a bagel from "famine.
" you need to eat,too.
give me sofi of th it's just that there is nobody here who cares about filling the inside.
they only care about fixing the outside! what's stumpy up to now? you know what? this concealer here, this isn't gonna change the fact that she doesn't have a house! and--and this, this eyeliner, this isn't gonna bring back the people that you loved! these women have lost everything! and there is not enough styling gel in here to change that! you know what? she's right.
we don't have enough styling gel.
oh,excuse me,mr.
meade! hi,i have some mail here for you.
ow! oh,my god,a paper cut! here,let me swab you.
no,thank you.
- ???? - ???? hit me again.
you sure? it's your third one.
i know my limit.
this time chili cheese fries.
betty? daniel? why aren't you in the hospital? well,i had a few dozen calls about the photo shoot.
i thought you might need a friend.
fry? i was thinking with the leopard, we could add this belt-- n! i don't have the energy to say "no" anymore.
what about this boa? n! what about this brooch? we can-- why don't you just stick the pin in my eye? what is the matter with you people? we might as well be publishing "field & stream" because apparently no one in this room knows a thing about fashion! (justin whispers) loose the belt.
is it just me, or does anyone else see the little fashion elf? i'm sorry.
i just think it's too busy.
like coco chanel always says, "when accessorizing" "always take off" "always take off" "the last thing you put on.
" "the last thing you put on.
" you've got the gift.
phone call! i'm in the middle of a run-through.
take a message.
it's "schmaire schmeade.
" (lowers voice) claire meade? (lowers voice) yes.
(normal voice) everyone out! (normal voice) go,go.
get.
get out of here.
go.
go.
go.
get out! ace the call.
what? how? i don't know.
figure it out.
triangulate the signal.
hello,is this no one's most wanted? oh,bite me,wilhelmina.
i wanna talk to you about bradford.
you mean my fianc? you're not in love with him.
oh,claire, you're so wrong.
i'm madly in love with him.
as a matter of fact, i'm staring at our wedding invitations as we speak.
do you love him more than "mode"? i know the magazine is what you've wanted all along.
and i'm the only person who can give it to you.
keep talking.
leave bradford,and i will sign "mode" over to you.
"wilhelmina slater-- editor-in-chief.
" are you salivating yet? no.
meet me at the bow bridge in central park tonight at 8:00.
i'll be dressed as a nun.
or a cat.
i haven't decided yet.
have the documents ready, and i will sign "mode" over to you.
i couldn't do it.
i couldn't triangulate the signal.
i don't even know what triangulate means! don't worry,marc.
i think all our problems will be taken care of.
how'd you find me? it's no secret you turn to potatoes in times of need.
it helps.
look,daniel, i'm really sorry if i screwed up the photo shoot.
i just--i think this whole thing with henry-- it finally got to me.
and i shouldn't have let it.
after everything that's happened to my family and to you he's just a guy,right? he's a guy you loved.
you know what? i have an idea.
go back the office.
there are some things you're gonna need to get for tonight.
what's tonight? we're going to a funeral.
sir? i don't mean to disturb you.
may i speak to you privately? it's about wilhelmina.
what about her? as you know,i'm privy to many of her conversations, both professional and personal.
she has issues with you.
issues? ear hair.
i didn't realize i had any.
perhaps others have tried to tell you, but you couldn't hear through all the ear hair.
she would never, in a million years, bring this up.
so i thought,as someone rooting for the relationship, i might spare you both the embarrassment.
may i clip you,sir? never send a girl to do a woman's job.
mm.
ah.
don't you think this is a little weird and illegal? yeah, it's both those things.
it's also symbolic.
henry's gone.
if you're gonna move on, you have to put him to rest, right? okay, i just hit something soft! ah! oh,i'm sorry.
are you okay? all right, what are you gonna bury first? um,well i could start with these.
this is from our first meal together.
sushi.
it was good getting to know him.
the raw eel? not so much.
low sodium.
he was always looking out for me.
man,you brought a lot of stuff.
uh,we may need a bigger hole.
yo,how you doing in there? okay,you ready? damn.
you like it? i was gonna take it in a bit, maybe cut the top a little bit lower.
no,no,no,don't do anything.
don't touch it.
it's beautiful.
just like you.
okay,so now you've seen the dress.
papi i want something from you.
oh,come on,baby,you know what the doctor said.
i need at least a month.
(laughs) no,not that.
i wanna hear your vows.
now? i knew it.
i knew you didn't write them! you had two months! you are so not seeing the honeymoon lingerieow.
give me my jeans.
reach into the back pocket.
go ahead.
you feel stupid? a little bit.
mm-hmm.
say your prayers,bitch.
bradford! i knew i could count on you working late on thursdays.
we don't have much time.
wilhelmina is in the park.
is she? you ain't wilhelmina slater.
no,i'm not even sure what i'm doing here or why i'm wearing this outfit.
please don't hurt me.
(pants) did you really think i'd fall for your offer? i knew you'd never take "mode" away from your own children.
but that's all right.
i may not have "mode," but very soon i will have everything else, including your husband.
oh listen to me go on and on.
i'm so rude.
sit down.
you're the guest.
let me,uh, fix you a drink.
though you'll probably have to down it quickly, because the police will be here in,um three minutes.
i only need one.
and this is the crown he gave me at the middle ages.
(snores) are you sleeping? no.
(clears throat) that was a silent prayer.
i was just so moved by the paper clips he gave you.
this is good-bye for him and you.
any final words? okay,well here near the place where it all came to an end, lies the remnants of a relationship that almost, but never quite was.
"it started good, really good.
"and then it got bad "mainly 'cause of me.
"i took her for granted, "never realizing she was everything i needed.
"she was always there right in front of me.
" i hoped for so much.
i had a fantasy.
we were together.
we were building a life.
"it took me ten years "but i'm glad i finally came to my senses before the most special thing in my life" was gone for good.
* comfort is my solitude i embrace * i loved you,henry.
"i love you,hilda.
" * i will rise from my sorrow * i wilmyrise froorrow * * i will rise from my sorrow how do you feel? i don't know.
uh,better,i guess.
maybe now i can start fresh.
what's that? are you in pain? no,i just--i i need a fresh start,too.
you okay? not really.
there's something i didn't tell you.
the reason we were in the accident why my sister is in the coma i was high.
she was rushing me to the rehab hospital.
it was my fault.
you know,i don't know if i'm ever gonna be able to get over the guilt.
but i can get over these.
good-bye,henry.
oh,it was horrible! the next thing i know, sister mary gang member threw me to the ground and took my wallet.
marc,i am in serious trouble.
you? i don't think i'll ever be able to watch "the sound of music" again! claire's not going away easily.
and apparently she's got friends.
i need protection.
hi.
it's me daniel.
sorry i didn't come by sooner.
i just didn't think i could handle seeing you like this.
you were always the rock, right? the strong one.
oh,my god! i'm so sorry,alexis.
this should be me.
(strained voice) oh,i'm thirsty.
nurse! nurse! alexis,can you hear me? yeah,daniel, i can hear you.
alexis,i i can't believe this.
why do you keep calling me alexis? what? it's me.
alex.
hi.
hi.
so i heard there was a little fashion elf spreading the word of coco chanel around "mode" today.
i'm sorry,aunt betty.
i had to get away.
that's okay.
but as far as tomorrow goes-- i know,back to camp.
actually,i think you were meant for greater things than macaroni necklaces,justin, so i talked to daniel, and it looks like we're gonna need an intern around the office for the next couple of weeks before school starts.
oh,my god! oh,my god! are you serious? you deserve it.
thank you.
thank you.
i can't believe you wrote this.
it is so beautiful.
what,did you think i was gonna stand up there in front of everybody and just wing it? (giggles) kinda.
hey,tomorrow,let's open up some of these presents.
let's see who's cheaper, your family or my family.
look,babe we can't stay in here forever.
i think i gotta go.
no.
no,no,no.
not yet,okay? we just need one more day.
shh.
just wait one more day.
it's gonna be okay.
oh.
hey,uh,i know you probably don't want to, but any chance you wanna come down and help me and justin make dinner? * together under * lonesome silver stars he's gone,betty.
s * theilence spoke for us that's the first time i've said that out loud.
* as i remember * in a golden dream * in a golden dream oh,god,he's gone.
* there's a veil of tears between us * yeah.
he's gone.
* and many years * may keep us apart * but i remember * in a golden dream