Up All Night (2011) s02e01 Episode Script

Okay Amy, say goodbye to this yucky old bathroom, and let's get ready for the first day of construction on the brand-new poopy palace! Babe, I thought that we decided that we weren't gonna call it poopy palace.
Quit trying to push poopingtime station, okay? This is not a station.
Well, if we open our minds, it could be.
Who wants to take the first swing? It's the best part.
I do! He said.
Who cares? Anybody? Chris, I want to talk to you just for one quick second, so, honey, why don't you go to your Uncle Scotty.
Scott, don't take the first swing yet, though, 'cause I I do kind of wanna honey, are we, like, 100% sure that, uh "Hmm" is right for this job? Babe, what are you talking about? Your brother is Chr-shh! You want to try to swing the hammer? "Hmm" is an amazing contractor.
It's really fun, I promise.
I know, I'm just saying that I don't really want my bathroom to be torn up for weeks and weeks because "hmm" spreads himself too thin, because "hmm" doesn't know how to say no.
Cracked your code, Reag.
You're talking about Amy, right? Scott, he's so solid.
That's what makes him such a great person.
Scotty, I'm sorry.
I know that you are so good at this.
When I look at you, all I see is my little brother who broke his collarbone doing the worm at a friend's bar mitzvah.
Did I stop dancing? No.
I got the job done.
Look, babe, your brother is overseeing a half dozen projects much bigger than this right now.
He's a total pro.
Scott, don't let Amy pick up a sledgehammer.
Okay, that's enough.
Listen, you deserve a relaxing new bathroom, okay? You work hard.
Ava's stressing you out.
Ava's not that stressful.
This is a nightmare! Nightmare! You come home from a long day.
You're tired.
Your back's in knots.
But what's that waiting for you? Your very own spa-quality jacuzzi tub.
Don't pick that up.
I'm painting a picture.
Okay.
Pick up.
Pick up! panic attack the water is warm.
The jets are bubbling.
Perhaps a handsome gentleman shampoos your hair while you soak.
- Or - Perhaps not.
Well, I have always dreamt of having my own spa-quality jacuzzi tub.
Give me that.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah.
- Ha! - Yeah! Yeah! No! I like it.
Nice! Take it easy, babe.
Whoa.
Careful on the backswing, honey.
- Ava, howdy! - Move it, nerds.
Ah.
- Reagan! - Hey, get in here, Ava! You gotta take a few whacks.
The Ava show just got cancelled.
All right, I'm just going to ask this one more time.
Are we sure that the show has been cancelled? - Yes, babe.
- No, but listen to me.
I'm saying, are we sure? Are we certain in our hearts? You called and confirmed it, and Ava told you multiple times before she Went away.
Oh, my God, the marsupial guy from the San Diego zoo was supposed to be on the show today.
Did anyone call him to let him know that they're all the little koalas packed into that truck, and it's a hot day.
I know, but babies in their mamas' pouches.
Bad news, dudes.
The remodel is going to take way longer than I thought.
What are you talking about, dude? Sorry, my pain in the boo-hiney boss just pulled half my crew off to start another construction gig.
Well, here's a tip for you.
When you get divorced, don't keep working for your ex-wife's dad, especially if the guy's a pain in the boo-hiney, was it? What are you guys talking about? Who's a boo-hiney? No, no, no, nobody.
No, Scott was just saying, "boy, I hope Reagan's enjoying" that smooth wine-y.
Wooooh! Woo-ooh! Okay, obviously the tension in this room is giving Amy baby tourette's.
No, no, no, no.
Babe, babe, the woo-hoos are a little inside joke that we got going on, and she wants to be a human hot dog, with extra tickle mustard and a side order of Hey, Scott, why don't we just take Amy out for a while, huh? We can go pick up the tile for your bathroom.
With a baby, dude? What is to become of myAva showgolf cart? Oh, God, for all we know there's a hot truck full of dead koalas.
Yes.
Let's go to the tile store with a baby, dude.
Every time you drink coffee, you have to look at your ex-wife's father? Better than looking at my ex-wife.
Amy, up top.
No? All right.
My old law firm's on this block.
Kind of an expensive area of town for a tile store, don't you think? You said you wanted this bathroom to be an oasis for Reagan.
When was the last time you heard someone say, "check out all this cheap-ass tile in my oasis?" Let's just not mention the cost to Reagan.
In fact, probably the less that you actually talk around her Maybe, like, not even at all? That'd be super.
When we were kids, whenever she was freaking out about something, like grades, or boys, or missing the violent femmes because of cousin deena's confirmation, Reagan's go to move was to whip out both: The vacuum.
- Dude, she still does it.
I guess it gives her a sense of control.
You know what, dude? Pull over right here.
What, you got to take a whizard? No, just I'll be right back.
- You know what? - Yeah! - We're lucky.
- We are lucky.
Because, see, before, we only had one option.
- One option.
- We have the show.
- The show.
- Now, we have infinity options.
- Infinity options.
- Tip that chair, please? You got it, chief.
You know what we should do? We should do a dateline type show where we talk about murder.
Look it.
Amy's little binky.
She hasn't used this forever.
Or we could do a prison show where I go on the inside, but I I don't.
- Or, you know what? - Yes.
Maybe we just take a breather - mm-hmm.
- For a second, and then kind of figure out what it is that we really want to do.
Exactly.
Take a breather, exactly.
- Hey, hey.
- Hi.
- Hi, guys.
Both: Hey! Well, guess who just got their job back? Me? Is it me? Did I just get my job back? Well, just I went and had a little pow-wow with Ted, and told him I'm ready to be a lawyer again.
Oh, my God, Chris, that's fantastic.
Yeah, well, I just figured somebody's got to pay for that 'cuzz jacuzzi, yeah.
No, no, no, you don't want to abbreviate that.
No, the point is that you just you don't have to worry while you're trying to figure out what you wanna do next.
What we're doing next.
What we are doing.
I actually, um, think I know what mama wants to do.
Oh.
It's thdateline murder thing, right? I know, it just feels right.
What if I stay home with Amy and I eat hot dogs all day? You mean, like stay home, like, all afternoon today, or No, for a while.
Really? Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
Big life decisions happening right in front of me, yet I have no say.
You got the hot dog thing, again, it's adorable.
Reagan, I thought we were partners.
Oh, sweetie, I'm not going anywhere.
No! No, I know.
I'm just yeah.
No, I got it.
Okay.
It's been a big day.
Lots of developments.
I am just going to bid the family Brinkley adieu.
I think this is great stuff.
Keep going.
She's gonna be okay, right? Yeah.
No, no, no.
If she was really upset, she'd be blasting Melissa ether Idge.
Hi baby.
What have you got? You got a waffle? You've got a little waffle? Oh, well, lookie here.
We got ourselves a high-powered lawyer on his first day back at work, huh? Well, look at that, you got yourself a little guitar.
Yeah, well, it tells the world that I'm a lawyer, but I still like to fun around.
- Oh.
- I'm gonna pretend that you didn't call it a little guitar.
It's an ukulele.
Gross, babe.
Guten morgebrinkleys.
Well, how is the first day of the rest of our lives going? Aw, look, a tiny guitar.
Well, it's a ukulele.
So, I have a meeting this afternoon.
It looks like, uh, a little program called the today show is looking to hire a west coast lifestyle correspondent.
Today show? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my goodness! Let me, uh let me finish up breakfast, and then I'll help you pick out an outfit.
Oh, that's okay.
I actually came for Christopher's advice.
What? Yeah.
Yeah, this is the one.
Yeah, with the belt, and the shoes, and the the color palette is flattering the hell out of your skin tone.
I agree.
Thank you so much, Chris.
My pleasure.
I hardly ever get to use my hawk-like fashion balls.
Well, I am off.
All right! I'll talk to you later.
Good luck! - Thanks, Chris! - You got it! Unbelievable.
- What? - You saw what she was doing there, right? Yeah, getting cocksure fashion advice from a man with discerning taste.
Open your fashion balls, man.
Clearly, she wanted my advice, but then she pointedly asked you so that she showed me that she doesn't really need me, any more.
It's, like, classic Ava.
Yeah, cl classic.
Listen, Chris, we need you to jump in on gypsum textile asap.
Keep those bastards tied up in court.
Rack up those billable hours.
Wow, gypsum.
That's what I was doing when I left two years ago.
So, uh, we're back in court with them, huh? Uh, we never left.
If I have any say in it, and I do, you'll tie those bastards up for the next 25 years.
Brinks truck is back, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh! Love the tiny guitar.
It's an ukul and now, back to Matt in the Plaza.
And now, back to Matt in the Plaza.
Put this on.
Right now.
Put it on right now Reagan, what are you doing here? Put it on right now no, this blouse is to die.
It is not to die.
Get that funky ass blouse away from me.
Come here, let me - Stop it! - Don't stop don't hit me.
What are you Don't unbutton me.
- Don't hit me! - What are you I'm not hitting you.
He-e-elp! Heeelp! I am trying to help you.
Stop, stop Excuse me? We're ready for you, Ms.
Alexander.
- Wonderful, thank you.
- Okay, great.
Listen to me.
Under the TV lights, this blouse is too sheer.
It is not too sheer.
It is.
And I do not need your help.
Gonna see your boobies.
You're porky piggin' it.
Nice.
Wow, you literally whistle while you work.
You know why I'm whistling? Because I just got away from this ass-ache.
Hey, dip, it's mad dog.
Get your head out of your crack, and figure out how you're going to get that dry wall hung on that Nottingham job before I have to come down there at this , like a goes on like that for a bit.
Why don't you just leave that guy? Because he's so good at the organizational business dirp-de-do.
I'm terrible at that stuff.
Your books, permits, smoozing clients.
- Schmoozing.
- Never gonna get that right.
How did your first day go? Really sweet.
Representing clients I don't even like to rack up billable hours for partners I like even less.
Layin' waste, killin' it.
No, I'm sayin' doesn't look, being home with Amy, actually spending time with her and raising her, it's like it changed my whole brain.
I mean, if I'm gonna be away from her for 12 hours a day, I want it to mean something.
Dude, I get it, believe me, but work's never gonna be perfect.
Look at me, I'm working for my ex-wife's dad, but I do it so that when I get my kid on the weekends, I have enough money so that I can spoil him.
Chuck E.
Cheese pizza don't come cheap, but Kyle likes it, and, damn it, so do I.
I mean, that's just good pizza.
Hey, you want to, uh, go hit up Chuck E.
Cheese right now? On me.
Yeah, I don't know.
Two dudes, one pair of pants, no kids.
Not sure we're making it through the door.
Right.
I swear, I cannot stop buying novelty socks.
I have so many pairs, I have to hide 'em now.
Your secret's safe with me.
Reagan! - Hey.
- Hi, Ava! Love the top.
No, you don't.
How'd the meeting go? Uh, it was a disaster, just like you wanted.
Why would I want your meeting to be a disaster? Uh, because you don't want me to succeed without you? What? You brought that blouse just to throw me off my game.
Okay, that is insane.
First of all, I floored it across town, in traffic, with a screaming baby in the back.
Actually, she was a complete angel.
Just like her mother.
All to bring you that blouse to help you.
No! You can't keep away.
You are like a moth to a pathetic flame, and, just for the record, I am not a pathetic flame.
I dislike conflict so much.
My entire career has revolved around helping you.
Will you please stop being such a diva? Oh, quit being such a martyr! Okay, admit it! Ava, you need me.
Just admit it! No.
You need me to need you.
Look, uh, the ice cream truck.
If you resent my help so much, then I'm glad that we're not partners any more.
Yeah, well, maybe we're not even friends.
Fine! Friendship cancelled.
Well, Amy, I guess this is good-bye.
- Jackson.
- It's R uh, Roger.
- Fine.
- Don't kiss that baby.
Don't let that lady kiss your baby.
Will you stop kissing babe stop kissing babies! You look insane.
Ma'am, don't let her kiss your baby.
Diva! Martyr! Oh, now, you're gonna kiss just people.
She liked it.
I can't believe you're passing on some fancy lawyer lunch just to eat at roach coach burrito.
Don't let the suit fool you.
I am a man.
Oh, God, that cheese is hot, huh? Hot cheese.
So we're just finishing this job up.
I re-did the ceiling myself.
Guess which section's new, and which is original.
Trick question.
It's all new.
I'm that good.
Wow, I've never seen you officially on the job.
It's awesome.
Scotty! I'm trying to give the Pettys a tour of their house, and you're out here nancying around? How about you renovate a house instead of playing house with your boyfriend? Okay, mad dog.
Sorry.
Not a boyfriend.
Just a friend who's a boy.
Well, it's probably still hot.
no one looked as I walked by just an invitation would have been just fine said no to him it's all right, it's all right to be standin' in a line standin' in a line to be standin' in a line I would cry stand back well, I need to be standing in stand back why don't you ta-a-a-a-ake come on, Scott.
What are you doing, man? Why don't you tell that fat jockey to go to hell, and start your own company? Nah, I can't run a business, and I I need a guy like that.
How about me? What? Yeah.
Wait, how about me? Think about it.
With your contracting skills, and my business sense, look, I don't want to say dream team, but there's really no other way to describe it.
- Chris, I I don't know what - This is exactly what I've been looking for, Scott.
Yeah, when Amy grows up and asks me what I do for a living, I don't wanna say that I tie stuff up in court.
I want to be able to point to something and say, "I helped build that.
" Scott, don't you want to go to work everyday with someone you like? That could be us, you and me, man, and the best part is you can tell that guy to go himself.
I've been waiting six years to do that.
I've even practiced.
Hey, bearded lady, get out of the way.
You know what? I need to say a few things, and you need to listen.
I really appreciate the opportunity to work for you, but I think it's time for me to move on.
Dude, come on, bring the heat.
What are you trying to say, Scotty? I'm trying to say that you haven't always been super nice to work for.
There, I said it.
Wait, you practiced this? Dude, come on, hit him hard.
All over it.
By the way, you could definitely work on your interpersonal skills, 'cause, yeah, they are subpar.
All right man, good job.
Yeah, he got it.
He gets the point.
What are you doing? Well, whoever is taking over our offices is not getting our Greek yogurt.
To hell with those turkeys.
Give me one of those.
Remember how I said I could eat a bazillion yogurts? Mmhmm.
It turns out the correct number is six.
Look at this pic I found.
Oh, my God.
Why were we wearing top hats? 'Cause it was downtown Julie brown's birthday.
Oh, that's right.
Oh, my goodness.
Reagan, I'm not mad at you.
I'm just sad about our show.
Me too.
Oh, God, I love you.
I love you too, mama.
We're best friends again? We never stopped.
Yeah, I know.
We kicked butt, though, didn't we? We kicked some major boo-Tay.
And you are going to kick Booty in whatever your next gig is, and you have infinity options.
Do we think it's thatdatelinemurder thing? - We do not.
- Oh.
But I'll be there to help you figure it out, okay? - Okay.
- All right.
What else can we steal? Both: Woo-o-o-o! Come on, floor it, mama.
They're gaining on us I am flooring it! This thing has got no juice, man.
Both: Ohh! - You'll never catch us! We've already caught you.
Bet you didn't see that coming.
Yeah, you didn't see that coming, what-what.
- Abandon vehicle! - Abandon ship.
Oh, my pillow! - We don't have time! - See ya, suckers! Hello, hello, hello! I'm home.
And look who's with me.
- We're best friends again.
- Yes, we are.
- And we brought gorp.
- Yeah.
What's going on? Yeah.
We can think - what, are you guys drunk? - No.
- Got a little buzz.
- Okay.
Listen, babe, I know that you've had a stressful week.
Okay.
But hopefully this will help a little bit.
Oh, my God, you finished the bathroom! No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Dude, I told you we shouldn't have closed the door.
No, the bathroom is not finished, probably going to be a couple of more days.
Weeks.
Days.
Days.
No, he did not finish the bathroom, but we did manage to do this.
Your jacuzzi tub, my lady? - Oh.
- Oh.
Romance, thy name is Christopher.
Honey, thank you, thank you so much! Aww, and you, I know I'm tough on you, honey, but it's not because you're not talented.
It's because you are talented.
I just feel like you squander it 'cause you don't focus.
I think if you focus more wanna jump ahead with a thank you? - Yes.
- Thank you.
Thanks, honey.
You two make a great team! I thought you already told her.
No, Scott.
We said that we Bluh, uh, how about this? I quit my job, and your brother and I are starting a company together.
What? That's so crazy, you're thinking.
"I know," but we live in such crazy times where the world is Wait.
You're going into business with "hmm"? You really think that "hmm" is going to play his part? Honey, honey, just let the bubbles do its work.
You guys go, go, go, go.
Oh, honey, the list of things I love.
Let's see.
One, Amy.
Two, this tub, slash you.
- Well, tied for second.
- Yeah.
Mmm.
I love this tub.
- Occupied, occupied.
- Oh, come on, man! - Scott, Scott.
- Finish the job, - getting a lot of mixed signals here guys.
- Get out! I'm not here.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.
I'm not here.
Gosh, it's like some people just don't know how to - I know.
- Read a situation, you know? - Chris, seriously? - No, I know, I know that.
I was just making sure.
- It's like - Yup.