Vikingane (2016) s02e01 Episode Script

Are you feeling hungry?
I actually had a little snack
before we started.
So I'm fine for now.
Do you think you'll be hungry again soon?
Or do people think
we should make something
together later, or what?
I'm not really sure what the plan is.
It's just that
if people want to have dinner later,
I guess I'll just grab something now.
Because I feel I need
a quick bite or something.
And then we can make
something together later.
- Frøya?
- Yep?
What do you think about food?
Are you hungry? Arvid is hungry.
Maybe we can defile first
and then eat later?
I mean, who likes to rape
on a full stomach?
The thing with me, which you
will experience when we get to Rome,
is that I'm the kind of person
who fills a room.
A magnetic personality,
that you can sense has entered
the room long before you see him.
Wow.
I haven't noticed much of that yet.
Well, that's how I am.
I just didn't employ it
in that Stone Age village of yours.
People wouldn't have understood anyway.
Norheim.
I wonder if they miss us.
If only they knew
how little I miss them
and their horrible culture
of brutality.
I can't wait to be among
like-minded people on the Continent.
Speaking of Rome
You think we're getting close?
We've been traveling for months.
Shouldn't we be there soon?
If I had been a globe-maker
or a map-drawer,
I probably would have been able
to answer that question.
But all we can do is follow the sun.
Since the sun always points south,
we just have to trust it, yes?
By Loki, this is so nice!
What a perfect day.
You know what?
It's so important to be able to stop
and just take it all in.
Yeah.
Just be present in the moment.
That's so true.
What a place this is, huh?
Yeah, we were just talking about it.
We should just
settle here.
Fertile soil. Weak enemies.
Lots of treasures.
That's what we should do.
We should settle down here
and establish a colony, or something.
Look at this!
The gods must be so pleased with us.
This is the third day in a row
that we find a campsite
with a fire pit and everything.
See?
Once you get just a little further south
on the Continent,
everything improves markedly.
I don't think old Norway sets up campsites
and stuff like that for their people.
Up there in that pile of rocks
it's all about putting as many sticks
as possible in people's wheels.
Am I the only one who thinks this campsite
looks suspiciously like yesterday's?
This has to be the same place.
I slept right there.
Liv
Stop complicating things.
Please.
I mean,
how different can two campsites be?
Yes.
A campsite is a campsite.
Yes?
We burned the village to the ground.
Or, what was left of it.
Seems like they've been pillaged
a good number of times already.
Oh, really?
It actually seems like
they've been pillaged so many times
that they've stopped rebuilding.
They just sat there when we attacked.
Didn't seem like they cared one way
or the other if they were being pillaged.
This is all the loot we got.
Rats?
This turnip actually
doesn't taste half bad.
This is so miserable, Torstein!
Pillaging here in the East
is so passé.
Yeah, it has become kind of mainstream.
Oh yeah.
It felt like
we just had to steal something,
just to make it seem like
we knew what we were doing.
Bundle up whatever slaves we have.
Tonight we sail
for Norway!
I don't know. I'm kind of starting
to doubt this whole endeavor.
- Doubt?
- Yeah.
No, you're going to be famous!
The chieftain's wife
who decided to abandon a life of fortune
to bum around with two outlaws.
Yeah.
That commands respect.
The thing is,
I'm not a chieftain's wife anymore.
Sure you are!
Chieftain's wife is not a title
they can take away from you.
- Arvid kind of did.
- No, no.
As strong as women's rights are now,
in the Viking Age,
I think Arvid can't dump you
like a bad habit.
You know, if I were you,
I'd seek legal help.
Because I think you have
a pretty strong case.
And now you tell me?!
Yes. But anyway,
that's water under the bridge now.
As I've decided to start saying.
Because now we're almost there.
What was that?
Is anyone there?
My intuition tells me
it's nothing to worry about.
No one's there.
We're all alone
Sturla Bonecrusher?
Old buddy!
You sure gave us a fright.
This must be
the craziest coincidence ever!
Old acquaintances meeting by chance
in a completely unlikely place.
But don't just stand there, Sturla.
Sit down.
Take a load off
before I take it off for you.
Have some rodent.
Or two.
Raids are great.
But I'm sure it will be nice
to come home again, too.
I think I prefer to be on a raid.
I guess the situation at home
is a little messy.
Since we're kind of
boyfriend and girlfriend.
And I live together with Hildur
and she's pregnant and all that.
Yeah.
It's
A little messy.
But if that baby in her stomach is mine,
I feel like I kind of have to be there.
What do you mean, if the baby's yours?
It is, isn't it?
Loki if I know.
I was thinking about it.
And when I look back,
I don't think she came.
OK?
I mean, I came by the bucket.
Crazy amounts
of seed in her.
But I don't think she came.
Or climaxed, or whatever it's called.
And in that case,
the baby can't be mine.
I don't know if the woman has to cum
in order to make a baby.
Or maybe she does.
That would explain
why I never had a baby with Orm.
So
How are you filling your days, Sturla,
after your little mutiny in Norheim?
I capture outlaws.
And sell them as slaves.
Human trafficking?
Well, I guess somebody's gotta do it.
We're heading to Rome.
Away from the frigid north.
To more southern climes.
You haven't gotten very far.
Yes, we have.
Norheim is three day's march from here.
So, no.
Three day's march?
We've spent two months
on a three-day march?
By Odin, you two!
Us two?
Excuse me.
If anyone is to blame here,
it almost has to be the sun.
Because that's what we followed.
What are you three actually doing out here
in the middle of the forest?
Good question.
I guess you could say
a number of unfortunate circumstances
led to the result of us becoming
Orm!
Outlaws.
But that needs to remain
our little secret.
So you have no legal protection?
Everyone can do what they want with you?
In theory, yes.
But hardly likely in practice.
OK.
Talk to you later, folks.
Don't let anyone steal your dreams.
No.
And
Rome isn't a dream.
It's a reality.
Any minute now.
Come on. We have to get away from here
before he comes back.
Liv, you always think the worst of people.
The Bonecrusher may be a little rough
around the edges,
but deep down there's a heart of gold.
You don't have a heart of gold
if you're called the Bonecrusher.
Liv
You do realize that we
have to get away now?
What we realize, is that we need to sleep.
Because it's been a very long day.
I can get real grumpy tomorrow
if I don't get enough sleep.
And that's not a threat.
It's simply a warning for your own good.
By Thor and Odin,
how hard can it be to keep up the pace?
Well, several of them are missing a leg.
And this one guy
I think is missing his eyes, also.
This is not good.
It's embarrassing!
Let's get rid of these slaves
before we meet someone we know.
Well, if it isn't Jarl Varg's men!
- Long time, no see.
- Likewise.
So you're here too?
Yeah, we have this incredible bounty
from the West
that we're going to try to get rid of.
Tell me about it.
Us too, from the East.
Yeah.
Too bad there are limits
to how much you can actually bring home
from these raids.
We had to dump six slaves
during our crossing.
Because of the weight.
Simply too much boobs and muscles.
You know.
Too much ballast.
By Loki!
Have you been pillaging in Helheim,
or what?
No.
They may look a little shabby.
But this is prime merchandise.
You calling him prime merchandise?
Yeah, I am.
You know, the body compensates.
So if you lose an arm,
the body will make your other arm
twice as strong.
Is that so?
So it has nothing to say.
Makes no difference
at all.
OK
We're actually very thrilled
that we have defective slaves.
They're going to be in great demand.
Good for you.
Of course,
these slaves have a different appeal.
They're more for the connoisseurs.
Must be.
Not as commercial as yours.
So, yeah
Of course, your slaves have
a larger range of buyers.
But if we find the right buyer here
We will truly strike it rich.
Right.
Yeah.
We'll see about that.
- See you later.
- Yeah, will do. OK.
Come on.
OK, let's just go.
Come on!
Get moving!
Jarl Varg.
Arvid.
And the hand thief.
Having a snack, are we?
And the prostheses?
Are they working all right?
Are you being fed?
Anything wrong with them?
No.
They're excellent.
Cutting edge.
Great.
I see you've got a lot of stash there.
Been out west again, Arvid?
Yeah.
Just got back.
Great trip.
Maybe it's time you gave me that map
Olav promised me?
I'm going to say no to that.
You're going to break Olav's promise?
Remember, breaking a promise
can bring punishment.
Varg.
You're sitting there without hands,
threatening me.
Isn't that a little weird?
I mean, you're by definition
functionally disabled.
Yeah.
You can't wage war,
you can't row, you can't sail.
Can you do anything
hand related at all?
No.
Then what do you need that map for?
I get a very
"pearls for swine" feeling here.
Anyway, see you later.
Arvid.
You and I will meet again
under different circumstances.
Yeah, sure.
- What do you have in mind?
- Arvid, I can't start explaining that now.
Mark my words.
We will meet again.
Under different circumstances!
The next time we meet, it would be
pretty weird if it was right here
and the circumstances were identical.
Just leave, Arvid.
Just saying.
It would be strange, right?
So big!
Yes, once again
Thor and Odin have shown
that they truly
appreciate the work we do.
Because if it had been so wrong
to ravage and slaughter and rape,
we wouldn't be standing here today
with all these wonderful spoils of war.
So on the count of three,
go ahead and help yourselves!
One, two, three!
OK
So you're giving it all away?
Yeah, it was Hildur's idea.
And you know this stuff.
Yes, a chieftain has to buy loyalty.
That's how it works.
I see.
Now it's finished.
Oh, it's beautiful!
- You making one in the middle?
- Yeah, a third one.
I must say, Arvid,
this cape is lovely!
You two!
- Well pillaged.
- Thank you.
Have a seat.
You should maybe have something to eat.
You have to eat for two now.
Isn't this great?
What?
You'd think this situation
would be a little more awkward.
Not everyone
would be able to handle a boyfriend
living with a woman
he has just sprayed tons of seed into.
No.
But you do, Frøya.
And I must say, I really respect that.
It's very generous.
You give me room
to be First Lady in the village.
And I give you room
to cultivate your relationship.
Even though I'm pregnant
with Arvid's baby.
You just have to respect that generosity.
So true.
I mean, what the three of us have here
is so unique.
It is.
Håkon?
Now it's about time
you start to communicate with your family.
All you do is sit and stare, all day long.
You don't play with the children anymore.
And you haven't worked for Jarl Varg
since you came back from Norheim.
Will you please tell me
if something's wrong?
Children, run out and play.
And I'll talk to your daddy.
By Thor,
tell me what happened.
Did something unpleasant happen
on that trip?
You know, that trip turned out to be
totally
Very, very difficult.
How so?
- Did you have to march with blisters?
- No.
Gnats? Were there so many gnats
you couldn't sleep?
There weren't that many gnats.
Then what was it?
We got to Norheim
And the first thing we had to do,
was to maim and murder
a bunch of the people who lived there.
- What?
- Yeah.
And
And then Varg insisted
we ravish one of their women.
Ravish?
As in
Rape?
With your willie?
Not lick-rape?
No.
He wanted us to
To rape with our willie.
I must say, this is shocking.
- And Varg, of all people?
- Yes.
This time he went too far.
Way too far.
Way too far.
He forced us way outside our comfort zone.
You have to do something.
You can't go on like this.
Work is something
you should look forward to,
not something you should dread.
You should just tell him.
I mean,
it's all about communication, right?
What's the worst thing that can happen?
I don't know.
Now tell me, Håkon
Have you ever heard of something called
phantom pain?
No.
Me neither.
I just had a thought
I wanted to share with you.
A suggestion.
An idea.
Yes?
The thing is, some of the soldiers feel
that things have gone far enough.
That things have gone
Gotten a little out of hand.
I mean
It's OK that we're supposed to be
a little rough around the edges.
But it's kind of
the total picture here.
With the gruesome leadership style
and evil plans.
And all that.
Maybe that's gone
a tad too far?
Anyway
I was thinking.
Maybe we
could organize a seminar?
Where we can spend some time discussing
where we are, where we want to be.
And things like that.
And even have a value discussion.
Excellent.
Excellent!
Most people go for young,
beautiful slaves,
when they want to command someone
to milk their lizard.
OK?
Not me.
Classic mistake.
You have to go for
experience.
This one has spanked the wank
since before Fenrir
Was shackled.
OK
So if there is nothing else
No, that was all.
Stop!
Slow down
Keep up.
Well,
if it isn't Sturla Bonecrusher!
Chieftain Arvid.
I found something out in the woods
that may be in your interest.
All right!
That will be a little exciting.
Hi, hi.
Hi, Frøya, Arvid, Hildur.
Yes, yes.
Liv?
What happened to her?
Liv?
I don't know.
She may have been taken by wolves.
Wolves and menstruating women, you know.
It's not a good combo.
Well, that's
That's tragic.
My deepest condolences to her next of kin.
That's you.
Because you're her husband.
No, I'm not.
It's not me, so Nah.
So, well
What are we supposed to do with you two?
Well, I was thinking
maybe just forget about everything.
And just start over
with a clean rune stick.
No way.
Because you back-stabbed
the entire village in the back.
Ain't gonna happen.
No.
Yes, no
Many unfortunate things
have been said and done by both sides.
But I think if we feel really deep down,
and sense, then I think
we all are very regretful
about what has happened. All of us.
No.
And besides, none of those unfortunate
things that happened were our fault.
Because I think
we have to blame the Norns.
You know, the Norns
rule the destiny of gods and men.
Oh yeah?
Everyone knows that the Norns,
they twine the threads of fate.
So every man's life is predetermined.
It was predetermined
that we all did exactly what we all did.
Orm actually has a point here.
It's true that
- Ragnar!
- What? This is fate, isn't it?
Sorry, I just had no control.
It's predetermined, right?
I'm not so strong with
laws and rules and stuff like that.
Especially when
you bring the Norns into all of this.
So
- Lawspeaker, what do you think about this?
- Well
Not everybody will like
what I have to say.
But I am the Lawspeaker.
And my judgment must be respected.
There's no doubt that Orm has
the hereditary right to the throne.
That's right.
That's so true, so true.
His father was a chieftain.
His brother was a chieftain.
He has chieftain blood in his veins.
Therefore Orm should be
the chieftain of Norheim.
Yes, thank you.
Thank you.
I'm very proud and very humble.
And I look forward to digging into
my tasks as soon as I can
But he has failed his people.
And has thereby disqualified himself.
- No!
- Yes.
I must therefore put the law
of inheritance and succession aside,
and say that as long as I live
Orm will be placed at the bottom
of society as a slave!
No, no
No!
You came as a slave,
and you will stay one!
No, no!
I can do the work
of a hundred men intellectually.
But zero physically!
I'm a creative person!
I'm even left-handed!
No!
No!