What About Brian (2006) s02e01 Episode Script

Previously on "What about Brian" Adam and Marjorie got engaged! Oh, and then there was one.
I just wanted to scream at the doctor, "Can you just get me pregnant?" Deena wants to have an open marriage Adam is your best friend since we were kids.
You've gotta realize what's at stake here.
- I kissed Marjorie.
- Talk to him or let this go.
- Are you thinking of leaving Adam? - No.
Then why do you say that? That knife in my gut? Because you want me to keep hanging on! You want me to keep hoping! What are you hoping for, Brian? Nothing can ever happen.
And if it did, you would lose Adam forever.
Is that what you want? Do you By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Y-you're laughing.
You can't she can't laugh.
She can't laugh.
What are you laughing for? If I was up there and he was about to kiss me, I'd be like, "all right, let's do it!" What am I supposed to do? Dave, we're getting married in 4 days in front of 200 people and god and everyone.
Are we supposed to really kiss? Do we peck? What? Sure, but no frenching.
Hey, honey.
No, you can't carry that it's way too heavy.
Relax, it's only a bowl of pasta.
I got it.
Not only did Angelo French kiss me at our wedding, he cupped my breast, squeezed my ass I'm sorry.
I meant tushy.
How did you guys kiss at your wedding? Oh, we definitely used tongue, I still totally remember I don't remember.
It was 13 years ago.
- You don't remember it? - What? Come on, do it.
I wanna see.
No, not in front of the girls.
We're not gonna do it now.
Are you kidding? Come on, daddy.
French mommy.
I'm not gonna French mommy right now, honey.
- Yeah, let's see it.
- Yeah.
- No.
French mommy.
- Yeah, daddy, French mommy.
- I'm not gonna French mommy, okay? - Come on, let's see it.
- No! We were 20 years old.
It was all hands and lips and you know? Just forget about it.
When does Angelo's plane get in? - Saturday morning.
- The day of the wedding? Isn't that cutting it a little close? Yeah, he's shooting all night.
He's the lead in the film.
There's no direct flight from Rome, and he'll make it.
He will.
He would not miss it for the world.
What about Brian? Got no time got no mind for the lying in my life No time to think.
Time for sleep now.
Time to sink way into the blu I was goin' to butte Montana, when I met a girl named Hannah - What can I get you? - Cup of coffee to go.
So we laid there in November where the fire burned to embers.
I took Hannah in my arms, and she A buck 50.
- Keep the change.
- This yours? You want me to toss it? Yeah.
Somebody's getting married.
Yeah, my best friend since we were kids.
Nice.
When you gotta be there? I'm not goin'.
I thought he was your best friend.
I sort of, uh fell in love with his fiancée.
Well, that's a good reason.
Yeah, I don't think he ever knew it, but, uh Maybe you oughta go.
The wedding's October 16th.
October 17th, I'll go home.
You want some coffee to go with that sugar? No.
No, I'm good.
And the words that I would say Would you let this go? It'll be okay Daddy, time to get up.
So this sleeping in separate rooms How long has this been going on? Uh, about a month.
And you didn't think that was important to tell me? Well, uh, we really didn't think it was gonna - Last that long.
- Yeah.
So you're thinking about separating? No, of course not.
See, the whole separate bed thing happened because, uh, the girls are getting so big, and they come into our bed, and Dave can't get any sleep.
So get them out of your bed.
Well, it's just not really that easy.
Well, it would be easier if we tried a little harder.
Dave thinks I'm too soft on the girls.
- I don't think you're too soft on the girls.
- Yes, you do.
I love the way you are with the girls.
I just wish you were different with me.
- How? - Different, Deena.
I don't know.
I just I'm not gonna be all wifey.
It's just not who I am.
I don't want you to be all wifey.
I just I just want us to be us again.
It's like we're not really together.
We're always tiptoeing around each other, trying to be nice, it It's just weird, I don't know.
Even when we had sex you know, the few times that we have it's just It's not like it was before.
I don't know.
It's because we're not honest with each other.
No, no, I'm honest.
He still won't tell me who he did it with.
'Cause that's your rule, Deena.
You said, don't ask, don't tell! But you know about mine.
I know about yours because I found out about yours.
But that leads just it's hostile.
"It's hostile.
" Here we go again with the hostile.
Dave, it's hostile, - and it's like he's punishing.
- Thanks for bringing up hostile.
No, I'm not punishing you.
Whose idea was it in the first place?! - May I interject? - Please.
Now I want each of you to go out and buy a gift something that you really think that the other one might like.
You have to really look at each other, see each other.
That's the secret to a happy marriage.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- I gotta get up.
- You don't have to get up.
Yeah, people are coming in a half-hour.
- Honey - I, uh, I'm gonna order a pizza.
You don't wanna cook, do you? - Can we just talk for a minute? - About what? I don't know.
I miss you.
Well, baby, I'm right here.
It's just that all that we've been talking about for weeks is the wedding and people that are here all the time, and relatives are coming in I just I just want to hang out.
Hey, doc, don't get all girlie on me now.
We will have two weeks in Bali to hang out.
You're not getting cold feet on me, are you? Of course I am.
They're freezing.
My toes are turning black.
That sounds terrible.
- What about you? - I don't have cold feet.
I'm exactly where I want to be, I'm on track.
I'm on track with the firm.
I'm on track with you.
You know, you can help me with all these pharmaceutical cases.
Huh? I'm glad I'm I'm glad I'm getting married.
I'm glad I'm not driving around trying to find myself.
I'm glad I'm right here with you, and I am all good.
Hey you know, you can pay somebody to do this.
Well, I like this.
I find it very therapeutic.
I know what you mean.
Work keeps your mind off the impending doom.
Thank god I'm still working, 'cause when I'm at home, I feel like every little twinge means I'm having another miscarriage.
Oh, honey, you're not gonna miscarry now, right? I mean, isn't she past that point? Medical odds are very much in your favor.
You know what you need? Prenatal yoga.
Now, I know this amazing class.
It's it's really spiritual, and the teacher is just, like, a guru.
No gurus.
Oh, come on, honey.
Just try it.
- I'll go with you.
- Well, you're not prenatal.
Well, I'm premenstrual.
Dave, you're gonna give a speech at the, uh, rehearsal dinner? Wasn't planning on it.
Come on, you have to.
You can't let my parents be the only people telling us how to have a happy marriage.
Dude, I don't know any secrets to a happy marriage.
Pizza's here.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, my god.
Hi.
Did you get the invitation is this is this you coming home? Yes and yes.
Can I come in? Yeah.
Come in.
Give me give me a hug.
We missed you so much.
You look you look great.
- You do, too.
- Yeah, you look you look all manly.
Ah, it's the beard.
- oh, they are gonna scream at you.
- I know.
Come in.
Hey, guys, someone's here.
Is it pizza? Uh, definitely not the pizza.
Bri! - Whoa! - Brian! - Hey, there's my little devil man.
- I missed you so much.
- I told you he was gonna show up.
Honey, the girls keep ask where you are.
"Where's Brian?" Oh, let me see that belly.
Mm-hmm, wow, you got fat! Why didn't you tell someone? Why didn't you let us know? Oh, I sent you postcards.
- Sit down.
- What the heck are all these? Are these, uh, wedding almonds? Yeah, those are wedding almonds.
- How are you, pal? - Hey.
Didn't realize how much I missed all you guys.
Come on, let's talk, talk, talk.
No, don't go away.
He's walking away.
You just got here, Bri.
- Where you going? - Did you know he was coming? - Long time no see.
- Yeah.
- So where you been? - Nowhere.
Everywhere.
I just drove.
Went to Mexico, the Tetons.
I crashed the car.
you all right? Adam, it was the most amazing thing.
I almost died.
I should have died.
Even the paramedics said it was a miracle.
I mean, I just walked away from it.
So then I started thinking, maybe there's a reason why I survived.
Maybe I'm supposed to go home.
Maybe I have a second chance.
- Maybe I - I know about you and Marjorie.
- W-what? - Yeah, she told me.
- What did she - well, when you had that fight and you said it was nothing, I didn't buy it, and then you were gone for so long.
I mean, you must think I'm an idiot, Brian.
So I asked her.
You should have come to me.
No, you should have come to me, Brian! You should have come to me.
I mean, what were you trying to do? - You trying you trying to sleep with her? - No.
You trying to steal her away from me when I'm not looking? No, no.
It was a mistake, the whole thing.
Those feelings are gone.
I don't have them anymore.
I came back because I wanna make things right.
You asked me way back to be your best man, and I'm Dave's my best man.
You can't just come back and pick up where you left off, Brian.
It doesn't work that way.
You sent me the wedding invitation.
Yeah, well It didn't come from me.
And be the warrioress.
Drop into the belly.
Be in the belly and then inhale, reach up, express your heart to the heavens, and exhale.
Release it down to the earth, and stepping back to downward-facing dog.
Just sway the hips gently from side to side, that's it.
Very easy.
Deep breathing.
Ahem.
May I have that, please? Ladies, these are tools of negative energy.
Your babies can feel that energy.
Please turn it off.
All right, take a last deep breath, and on the exhale, walk your feet forward and come on up to standing.
It's time to dance with our babies.
you are Shakti, mother of the universe.
- Come on, dance.
- Feel your heartbeat blending with the baby, with the beat of the drum.
Primal mother energy.
Come on, sweetie.
I gotta go.
- Doin' good.
- Doin' good.
Jeez, man.
- Huh, yeah, that was a foul.
- You think? I'm just happy my arm's still attached.
Just take out the ball, all right? Dude, hold it for a second.
You know what I've noticed lately? We've been playing ball for, like, the last four months, and the closer we get to your wedding day, the harder you foul me.
Yeah, what's your point? The point is don't take out your nervousness on me.
Hey, I am not nervous.
Yeah, well, maybe you should be.
Ivy's been working on her rehearsal dinner speech all day.
She's your wife.
Can't you, like, control her? Control her? you got a lot to learn about marriage.
Well, you should have been at my wedding.
You wanna talk about nervous? Her parents are this nice white couple from Yorba Linda.
That wedding had more black people than they'd ever seen in their entire lives.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Uh, I just came to shoot a round.
Yeah, well, we're almost done here.
That's my friend Jimmy.
We work at the firm together.
- Hey Jimmy.
- Hey No.
Hey, Jimmy.
Look, it's not funny, Brian.
Okay? I get it.
Good, 'cause I have no idea what's going on.
It's this thing that Adam and I do.
Whenever we spot a hot girl.
We always say, "hey, Jimmy.
" I don't I don't see any hot girls.
No, I just said it this time because it's your name, not because, um You know what? Uh, forget it.
Now it just seems dumb.
I gotta go.
Uh - I'll see you tonight? - Yeah.
He seems like a nice guy.
Yeah, look, I gotta go, too, Bri.
No, you don't.
You took the day off.
Yeah, well, in case you forgot, I'm getting married tomorrow, so I've got a few things I need to do.
Like what? What, get your hair done? Everyone knows the groom has nothing to do at all.
Come on.
Right now.
You and me, one-on-one.
If you win, I owe you $50.
If I win, you stop acting like an ass.
All right.
First to 11, win by 2.
I've always wanted to come into one of these places.
I just never have until today.
Want to know if you're marrying the right guy? I get a lot of business being right down the street from a bridal shop.
I'm marrying the right guy.
I'm Getting a "B.
" Does your fiancé's name start with a "B"? Um, you know what I just remembered? I, uh, I have a hair appointment, so I need to, uh, I need to go.
No, don't go.
There are many different ways to interpret the cards.
What did you come in for? You must have a reason.
I just wanted to know if my husband and I are gonna be happy.
- Does his name start with a "B"? - No.
Is there a "B"? Yes, okay.
Yes, fine.
Fine, there there's a "b," but it's not it's not real.
I know it's not real.
You know, he's a friend.
He's a really good friend, and he's spontaneous and soulful, and, well, he's a little indecisive, and then there's Adam, and he has this swagger to him.
He knows what he wants, and it's sexy, and it makes me feel safe, and I want to get married.
You know, I wanna have a family.
Cut the cards, dear.
Let's see what they have to say.
Hmm, the lovers.
Happiness and harmony with your man.
So far, so good.
2 of pentacles, signifying a journey.
Oh, we're going to Bali.
Ah! There you go.
- What's that? - Ace of swords.
It can mean many things.
Right now I would say it represents the trouble in your heart.
To marry one man, you have to give up on the dream of possibility with another.
That's just the truth For any bride.
Game point.
I win.
You can send the $50 in the mail.
- Hey, daddy's here.
- Hey.
You're home early.
Oh, yeah.
I wanted to work on my speech for tonight.
Your speech? Yeah, Adam wants me to give a speech about marriage.
yeah.
I, um I got you that gift- - the one Dr.
Bill wanted us to get.
- I did, too.
- You did? - I did.
- Should we do it? - Okay.
- Didn't know we had a dolly.
- Oh, I pinched it.
Some workmen left it out on the street.
Sweet.
uh, I think we should open them at exactly the same time.
- Ready? - Mm-hmm.
wow.
It's bunk beds.
And, um, what is I just You know the fantasy that we had where I tied you up? So I But you don't like 'em.
Well, it's just that, uh, this is a present for you.
Dave, you know, it's not really a present for me.
Who are the bunk beds for? For the girls, but for us.
You know, to get 'em out of our room.
'Cause I thought that's what you wanted.
That's what I want.
I appreciate it.
I just didn't You're still disappointed, yeah.
You know, I just think that I can't please you, no matter what I do.
Well, you don't like the handcuffs either, Deen.
What makes you think I want to be tied up, Dave? I don't know.
I just though it might be fun.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Forget it.
- Just give 'em to me.
- No, I I really want to know what was in your mind, you know, when you bought these.
You wanted an open marriage, Deena.
I don't know.
Why? Because our sex life is boring? So I just thought, "hey, what the hell? Why don't we just spice it up a little bit?" Jeez, our problem is not sex, Dave.
What's our problem? 'Cause obviously there's something missing for you, and if what's missing is me, if you don't want me The problem is you cannot forgive me.
- You're just still so angry about - About what? - About Richard? - Yes.
I'm not angry about Richard.
Richard is a jerk, and from what I hear, he's working his way through every mom in the carpool line, so forget about him! You just can't stop, can you? I really can't wait to hear your Big speech about marriage because right now I don't think either one of us knows anything about it.
Fine.
Hey, um, Adam's staying at the hotel tonight.
We thought a bunch of us would take him out to a strip club or some joint like that.
You know, one last night of innocent debauchery.
You up for it? - Did Adam invite me? - No, he doesn't know.
- We're gonna surprise him.
- Sure.
Sure, I'd love to come.
Cool.
So, uh, I'll holler at you later and let you know what- hello, everyone.
You all good and drunk? - It's customary - I, uh, - better get back there.
- At these things for a friend of the bride and the groom to give a toast, so I'm gonna do it 'cause I've had a few, and I think it's time.
Um So I'm Ivy, and my husband Oh, there he is.
My husband, Jimmy He works at the firm with Adam, and, uh, I own a bar, and this whole gang from the firm, they like to come and hang out there.
I happen to know that every single woman has a huge crush on this guy right here Adam Hillman.
Yes.
- Ma'am.
- Thanks.
Thank you.
You don't want dessert? Gestational diabetes I don't have it, but I don't want to get it.
Uh, you shouldn't eat that cheese, either.
It might not be pasteurized.
I know this woman who had a bacterial infection.
Thanks.
I'm gonna be a terrible mother.
- Stop.
- I eat cheese.
I dye my hair.
- I can't dance with my baby.
- What? Dance with my baby.
Apparently everyone does it.
You should see these women at this yoga class, the looks on their faces - they were so into it.
- You'll get into it.
When, Bri? When? I want to feel happy and excited, but mostly what I feel is afraid afraid that I'm gonna lose it, afraid that I'm gonna hurt it or be the wrong sort of mother.
You are gonna be a great mother.
You know how I know? Because when I was a kid, and you went off to college, I was so sad I laid in bed and asked god to make you my mother instead of mom, so we could always be together.
You also asked god to make the dog your mother.
Well, we both did.
uh, hi, everybody.
I'm Adam's best man, Dave Greco.
I'm the old, uh, married man of the group.
So, uh, well, I just wanted to say to you guys that, uh marriage is kinda like a dirty coffee mug you start out all sparkly and creamy and new, and then you end up all brown and cracked.
Here's the thing.
Uh, you know, I- I'm supposed to be the guy who, uh, gives you all these words of wisdom because I've been married for long, and the truth is that I don't know crap Really.
I only know one thing.
- Deena, could you stand up? - No Please, honey.
I'm dying here.
I need you to help me out.
Yeah.
You gotta stand up now.
There's a really great story behind this.
It's about bunk beds and keys, and you don't want to know.
A-anyway, this is my wife Deena.
We've been married for 13 years.
and I love her.
I mean, I truly love this woman As much as I did the first day she walked into my dorm room 15 years ago and asked to borrow my bong.
And as far as advice on marriage, the only thing I can tell you is that, uh, you know, when you're fightin' and you're having problems, and maybe you even thank it might not work out, just take a second to, uh, i magine your life without her.
Really just take a minute and think about all the things that you love about her.
I don't, um I don't do that enough, but I'm doing it tonight.
- I love you.
- I love you, too, baby.
uh, I'd just, uh, like to make an announcement for the, uh, wedding tomorrow.
Uh, there's one more speech to give.
Yeah, sorry, Bri.
Speech time's over.
- I got props.
- Whoa! Look, I, uh, I met Adam when we were 8 years old.
My my parents had just gotten divorced, and I'd just moved to Chicago with my mother, and all the kids thouga bozo with my mullet, and they were teasing me, and Adam sort of appeared out of the crowd and told them to shut up.
We've been backing each other up ever since, especially at the big moments, like high school graduation when my father didn't show up, and my mother was working, and Adam gave me what I knew was his most prized possession that baseball.
It was signed by Andre Dawson.
He was the national league M.
V.
P.
for the Cubs in '87, and we used to wait for him after every game, and on graduation day, he gave that ball to me.
And just knowing he'd do that for me got me through a huge transition, and tonight I want to give it back to him because there's no bigger transition than marriage.
And, uh I want you to know I'm still backing you up.
- My name's Betty Sue.
- Hi.
You boys want a lap dance? - He does.
He's the groom.
- No! No, no, no.
Oh, really? When's the big day? Tomorrow.
I bet I can make you change your mind.
I, uh no, thank you.
All right.
Let me know! - Bye.
- See ya.
- Bye, boys.
Look, I'm sorry, boys.
I can only have one drink, and then I gotta go.
- Oh, Dave.
Come on, you can do it.
- You're the best man.
- Substitute best man.
- No, you're the real deal.
- No, let me make one call.
- Don't call your wife.
- Why? - Don't be that guy.
Oh, fine.
Why do all women have to look so good naked? They don't all look good naked.
yeah.
They kinda do.
Hey, Jimmy.
Please.
Come over here.
- Hi.
I'm Summer.
- Hi, Summer.
- Anyone, uh, want a lap dance? - Yes.
Yes, please.
I brought something.
Well, it can't be booze, and it can't be chocolate because I am not eating anything until after the wedding.
No.
Oh, my god.
Are those tarot cards? - I already did that.
- What?! Today I went to see a psychic.
- Why? - I don't know.
I don't know.
My grandmother used to read these cards to me.
She taught me everything I know, so - Do me.
- Okay.
Put your hand on the card, and now cut the deck.
Now take the top card.
Let me see.
Oh, the 9 of wands.
You're having a girl.
- You're next.
- No, I don't want to do it again.
Come on, come on.
And cut the deck.
Now flip it over.
The ace of swords.
I got that same card this afternoon.
What did she say it meant? Uh, she said that, um, that it meant that I had to give up on the possibility of other men? - Like any bride? - Hmm.
- What? - Nothing.
No, it's just not what you know, my grandma said it meant.
Well, I'm sure it has many meanings.
Right? Well, what did your grandmother say? It means betrayal.
- What's your girl's name? - Marjorie.
- What does she do? - She's a doctor.
Really? I'm studying to be a chiropractor.
Really? Nice, nice.
There's a good future in that.
- And what do you do? - Uh, I'm a lawyer.
- Big lawyer.
- Big, big lawyer.
Lucky children you two are gonna have.
You're cute.
Yeah, so are you.
Gentlemen, feast youre yes on January on the main stage.
Well That's all, folks.
Yeah.
Here you go.
Ah, thank you very much.
So, uh, what's your name? Uh, Summer's got to be your fake stripper name, right? Right it's Eleanor.
And Eleanor's your fake fake stripper name? Yes.
Listen, there's a private room in the back.
Private dance.
It's more money, but it's more fun, too.
Yeah, uh, I-I don't know.
All right.
Well, you think about it, and I will go and see if one is available.
Okay Should I do it? - Hell, yeah.
- No, of course you shouldn't do it.
Why not? Because you're getting married tomorrow.
Yeah, no thanks to you.
- What's your problem, Adam? - What's your problem? Well, what do you want from me? Look, I -I left.
I left for six months 'cause I didn't want to screw things up.
Okay, let's take it easy.
You think I wanted to fall in love with her? You think I wanted to kiss her? It just happened.
You kissed her? She didn't tell you? Apparently, she didn't tell me everything.
There's a room if you want it.
One more chance.
I wanted to be awake when you got home.
- You like the - Mmm - Candles? - Mm-hmm.
Think Brian will make me give the dog back? I think that if you wanted to keep Needle he would let you.
Well, with Ange gone, I feel safer with Needle protecting me.
He's so ugly, he scares the burglars away.
I missed Brian so much.
yeah, I missed him, too.
You think you're marrying the right guy? Yeah.
Yeah, Adam's the right guy.
I'm not worried.
Those tarot cards aren't necessarily right.
Well, they were right tonight.
I am having a girl.
I haven't told anybody because Angelo wants to be surprised.
I have to go.
Okay.
Get some sleep.
Tomorrow's gonna be a great, great day.
I think it's out.
Music : The Pretenders - Brass in pocket Got brass in pocket got bottle I'm gonna use it Intention I feel inventive You want to dance? Gonna make you, make you, make you notice Got motion restrained emotion been driving, Detroit leaning No reason, just seems so pleasing Gonna make you, make you, make you notice Gonna use my arms Gonna use my legs Gonna use my style.
Gonna use my sidestep Gonna use my fingers Swept away by the wonder of it all so amazed What's going on? You've been talking about second chances.
And I don't know where to turn here and now seems I'm standing on the edge looking down.
I can clearly see your face in the crowd makes me feel I'm not alone If I fall, will you catch me? Trad: Bloodaxe, Bemused, Tbdb,