Work in Progress (2019) s02e01 Episode Script

1 Previously on Work In Progress.
This bitch at work.
She's like, "I went to Costco and got you almonds.
" I laid out 180 almonds.
And every day I'm just gonna throw one away.
There's one almond left and I don't feel any better.
- I'm done.
- I'm sure you remember my sister Abby.
You really need to get a new therapist.
Happy wife, happy life.
- I love you, honey.
- I love you too, babe.
Hey, you know what? It looks like I didn't even need saving from Susan after all.
We should talk about your future.
King I really like.
You totally cheated! I have one almond left, Chris.
Abby, those almonds are completely arbitrary.
- They mean nothing.
- They mean everything.
I was in love with the big blue ocean Letting her waves take me anywhere Fulfilled with the words not spoken - Silence and the salt in my hair - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Never fall, never fall Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I was in love with the big blue ocean Letting her waves take me anywhere Why did I dream about ham? Oh, God.
Please never tell me.
Me want coffee.
No.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, wow! Hold on, I'm going to write in my journal that you said "thank you.
" Okay Campbell said thank you.
Now I'm embarrassed.
I hope you have a good day.
Well, you have a wonderful day at work today, dear.
Thank you, my sweet.
I'm gonna have a four-martini lunch and try not to fuck the secretary.
You have a secretary? Hey.
This is still kind of fun, right? Kind of! Ahh! I don't really have a better way to say it but, life just got in the way of me killing myself? "Life" kept you alive? Tell me what that means.
I mean, I know it doesn't sound very elegant, but, um, like, shit kept happening.
So I never got around to it.
Give me an example.
Well, I got a promotion.
That's something to live for.
Not really.
But it does keep me extra busy at work now.
At my desk, so I, I don't have as much time to think of different ways to end it.
I'm still going to count that as a net positive.
And my best friend Campbell moved in.
That's good, right? Well, she moved in because her dog died.
How does a dog even suffocate in a bag of fucking rice cakes? There was a whole rotisserie chicken carcass in the garbage that she could've eaten.
I mean, she was held back at that K9 High place.
Remember that? Yeah, you got fucked up It was the money poorly spent.
I mean, I got it on, like, a Groupon, I feel.
Oh, I'm just gonna miss her so much.
Hey, look at me for a second.
Everything will be okay.
We'll get through it.
Oh, and a pipe burst, which basically ruined all of my journals, and that is my entire life and its history.
Wow, that's a lot.
And now it's like every morning I'm waking up 45 minutes earlier.
'Cause I really need my alone time.
And I'm not at all a morning person.
Sounds like a great deal of change in a short amount of time.
How are you handling that? I don't really I don't know how to answer that but I guess I'm still here.
Net positive.
I hope you think this went well.
Yeah.
Same day next week? I'd really like that.
And I also I just really want to say thank you for listening to me.
For all intensive purposes, that's my job! Uh, what did you just say? Um, that's my job? No, right before that.
"Intensive purposes?" So I take it you're still looking for a new therapist then? Ha-ha! For all "intensive purposes.
" Yes, sir.
Did you call him out on it though? No.
Why not? He's Black.
Okay, so? I cannot call out a Black person for making grammatical mistakes.
That is clearly racist.
Not calling out a Black person for their grammatical mistakes is racist.
I mean, he's a fucking doctor, - he should know better.
- See, I mean, I knew I was being racist.
I just didn't know how.
Hey, I'm always happy to let you know how and when you're being racist, okay? Don't even worry.
Hey, you know what? I promise to always tell you when you make grammatical mistakes.
Lady, I'm a copywriter.
If you come for my grammar I'ma edit your ass out of my life.
Okay? All right.
For all "intents and purposes.
" Okay.
All right, I'll see you later, okay, friend? - Hey, no problem.
- All right.
Hi, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Okay here we go Susan, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm totally, I, oh, God I really hate barfing.
I don't know of anybody who loves barfing.
I'm pregnant.
I'm so sorry, Susan.
If there's anything I could do, I'd love to help.
What? Are you kidding? I'm so, so excited! I've been trying for many an ovulation, I know that.
Oh, Abby, I'm going to tell the office.
Very soon, but until then, mum's the word, okay? I'm kind of surprised that you want kids.
- It's so great! Yeah! - I know, I know! I gotta tell you, motherhood has already been - an amazing journey - Sure.
Oop, my mouth's watering - Everyday is a blessing! - You know, Susan, I think we have different definitions of blessing.
Hey, I'm home.
Jesus.
Are you sweating? Come on! I'm chopping vegetables.
Why? "Wellness.
" Heard of it? No, I don't think I have.
Unless you mean these.
Uh I'm just trying not to drink as much at home anymore.
Well, fine, let's go out to the back porch! You can't do self-care when I'm in crisis.
I just can't tonight, okay? No.
But thank you.
All right, well, suit yourself.
Hmm.
You know what? I'll have one.
Mm.
Like we would ever have more than just one.
- Never.
- Mm-hmm.
Now I've been thinking about it.
I know why you dreamt about ham.
- You do? - Mm-hmm.
Who cares? It's comfortable.
Comfortable? Aly, it's socks and sandals.
Not only that, she's like this bubbly, saccharine like, redhead.
And like, couldn't be older than 32.
And she couldn't catch a hint.
And I'm supposed to listen to her tell me how to manage this? It just can't work.
You know what I think? You know what? I do.
I have a very good idea of what you think.
Well, I think that you're looking for any sort of excuse to not commit to somebody.
It is really hard to find the right person.
Oh, yeah, it's hard to find the right person when it's the most idealized person imaginable.
Alison, I'm just not gonna settle.
I'm worried about you, Abby.
Really? That's a first.
All right.
Forget it.
Fine.
You know what? I want you take this phone charging cord.
It's six feet and it is very useful.
Here you go.
This looks very useful.
- Oh, it is.
It's very useful.
- Oh, thank you.
So, how's Campbell? You know what? She's doing okay.
About as well as we could expect, I think.
And how is living together? That is something we're figuring out.
Journaling? The goal post is up! Finally.
It's only been sitting in a box for what? Months? That it hasn't been months.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, sure, - you know, what is time? - Okay, I've been busy at work.
And with my band And I was really hoping that Meg would get around to maybe putting it up herself.
- Oh, Meg? - Mm-hmm.
Well, she is 15.
Oh, I don't know why you're looking at me when you say that.
Just for the record.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm here for the record.
- Duly noted, my liege.
- Good.
Um You need a ride home? I don't think so, but thanks.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
I mean, it's really, it's not a problem.
I mean, at all.
Yeah, okay.
I would love one, um Uh, you can't come upstairs though, okay? - That's the deal.
- Wha Why? God, why did I even offer? Go fuck yourself What's that? You heard me.
- Love you.
- I'll be right out.
What's going on? That was so weird.
Well, we're fine.
We we are, we are.
Okay, uh Just know that you can call me if you need to, okay? You know what? I actually think you should really consider getting one of those seasonal bad mood lamps.
Yeah, I think it would be very good for you.
- I think it would be so good for me.
- Yeah, in fact, I will email you some literature right now.
- That sounds fantastic.
- Mm-hmm.
Aly.
I love you, okay? - I love you, too.
- Okay.
- Hey, Aly? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, here we go.
- Who's that dancing queen? - Oh, here we go.
Whoo-hoo! - Ah do, ah do - Oh, my God.
- Keep the change, all right? - Thank you.
- Have a great day.
- You too.
Hey! - You're getting cookies? - Well, yeah.
I mean, you were taking so long in there my blood sugar was getting dangerously low.
I'm still so excited that it's legal! Look, they have cannabis toothpaste and dope on a rope! - Oh.
- Come on.
Yeah.
I'm overwhelmed by all the choices.
Well, clearly, 'cause you bought out the whole store! It's not just for me.
Okay, I'm sorry, but just because it's legal does not mean that Alison is gonna partake.
Well, you know, we used to smoke a little grass in college.
Oh, did you smoke grass? Okay, Wavy Gravy.
- Tool box! - Yeah, well, things at home have been tense.
Yeah, I noticed.
Aly's so wound up and we're fighting all the time.
And she insists there's no problem.
Maybe you should try counseling.
Like, couples therapy? Yeah.
Look, you know how I hate to brag.
Yeah? But you did marry into a family of very poor communicators.
So, couples go through this.
Or so I hear.
Marriage is pretty tough I hear.
Yeah.
That's what all the movies tell me anyway.
Do you want me to call a Lyft or? - Sorry.
- No, it's okay.
- Okay, sorry, okay, here we go.
- Okay.
Oh! Hey, I think I need some more underwear too.
Damn right you do.
The worst.
Oh! And can you grab me a few more work shirts? People are starting to notice.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Oh! - Oh, no, no, no.
- No what? - What's happening? - Oh, my God! It's Ankles.
Oh, my God! No! Oh, it's the girl from Stilts, remember her? I remember her.
She's walking this way.
She's? Oh, I'm sorry.
She's not allowed to walk on the streets? Oh, okay, okay.
She's turned around.
- She's turned around.
It's fine.
- Okay.
Oh, my God.
Hey, do you need anything else from in here? Um My eye mask, but the cow one.
So if I get you this, will you promise not to wake up four times a night? No, I cannot give you that promise.
Oh, God, Ankles, she was such a bitch to me.
Like, she thought we were dating or something and I was like, "Nah, no offense.
" Well, I do kind of take offense to that.
Oh.
Listen.
Chandler will kill us if we skip another game night.
I'm not afraid of Chandler.
Bullshit.
We're all afraid of Chandler.
She will skin us.
She'll wear us as skin suits.
That's just a little outrageous.
I need you to stop watching so many murder documentaries.
I need you to start.
I just don't feel like being loud and fun tonight, okay? Oh, so, just loud? I'm burnt! Thank you.
You know what? If you want to go, I'll go, all right? "Want" is a strong word.
Okay, shoo, get the hell out.
- Go.
Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Smile help turns the world upside down.
Mary Tyler fucking Moore! Yes, Queen.
That is some old White lady knowledge.
Thank you very much.
What? What do you know? I'm like, "I don't want a piece of ice.
" I was in almost every Lifetime movie.
From Nightmare Okay, so when you're quitting smoking, you chew this.
- Gum.
- Gum.
Yeah.
No, no, no, what kind? - Nicorette! - Yes! - Sounds like? - Oh, Nicolette.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Nicollette Sheridan! Yes! I mean, fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, you, you, you, you, you and you! Wait.
Okay, okay.
Who am I? "Yeah, I solve crimes.
" - Eddie doing Colombo! - Yes! Yeah! Um, I'm sorry, there's way more nuance with whatever that was.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
I'm going to get going soon.
Okay.
Was it weird? Did you have fun at least? No, oh, my God, what are you talking about? - It was a dream.
- Great.
I'm just late for Body Hack.
Oh, okay.
The fundraiser for Chris's top surgery.
I'm really happy for him.
It's totally great.
Bye.
Like, why does being in a relationship suddenly make you a better person? - Or like a whole person? - I agree.
Society puts an unhealthy emphasis on romantic partnering.
Yeah.
And it's bullshit, you know, because I have fulfilling relationships.
Like, I have, like, really good friends and my family.
Talk a little more about that.
Am I sounding pretty defensive about it? I've been told - No, not at all.
- Okay.
I mean, I understand what you're saying.
It just sounds like you have some unresolved issues with your last partner that are just bubbling beneath the surface.
Yeah.
You could say that.
Um I would say the one, the main thing about my relationship with Chris is, um I really regret how it ended.
Um, and it's something I haven't been able to really move beyond.
Um I can't forgive myself for it.
But why do you feel like it was your fault? Well, everything's my fault.
Haven't you heard the word on the street? Uh This actually really This actually really was all my fault.
Um How so? On the night of the break-up, uh when he dumped me I was just so sad.
I would say more, it's more devastated, anxious and fucking furious.
I was so angry.
It felt like every fear I've had about this relationship, like, all my fears were coming true.
My anger took over and I screamed out his dead name.
Oh.
I'm so ashamed of it and I know it was the wrong thing to do.
Hold on.
Is that a deal breaker for us? Am I just so bad that you won't see me anymore? Is that why you closed your book? Did you say that your ex's name is Chris? Yeah.
Abby.
What? Like, look, I know it's unforgivable.
I know I have so much to make up for, but, like, you're the ninth therapist I've been to since the break-up and the only one I really have felt a connection with and I haven't wanted to run out screaming from the room Abby, due to client-patient confidentiality, I can't disclose more than the fact that there's a conflict of interest here and I cannot be your therapist.
Why? This is a conflict of interest here.
What are Are you Chris's therapist? I need to end our conversation.
Holy shit.
Are you fucking kidding me? I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to take your time and please just forget everything.
Please don't tell him I was here.
I'm so sorry.
Uh, thanks for your time.
You seem like a really nice person, but motherfucker, fuck me! Look, I'm really sorry, okay? - It's okay.
Just - Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Just leave those.
Or take one, take, just take it.
I'm sorry.
I'm just really, I'm sorry.
Fuck.
What do you want, high or low? High my allergies are b-b-b-bad.
What up, dust bunnies? I mean, you are welcome to pick up a broom - whenever you want.
- Oh, how sweet.
No, thank you.
Here you go.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I owe you.
Don't start, okay? I I feel so stupid not being able to go home yet.
It's not stupid.
It makes all the sense in the world to me.
I know, but I just, like, think about her little bowl and her collar and all of those little mangled sheep toys, you know what I mean? So many massacred little sheep.
I know.
Hey, you can stay here as long as you need, okay? I mean, it's still kind of fun, right? Yeah.
- Kinda.
- Okay, rude! Oh, my God.
Okay.
I have been meaning to ask you a question.
When you bring girls home, do you wear that? Uh no, not on the first night, but if they get to have a second overnight, absolutely, they get to see the mask.
Oh, I'm sorry.
So if they're so lucky, they get to see it.
Yeah, this is expensive.
One of my most expensive items, so I'll show it off.
The luckiest girls in the world.
Oh, man.
Lord.
Oh, no, no.
Oh.
Here we go.
All right.
Goodnight, you freak.
I love you.
I love you.
I'm sorry, I couldn't catch that.
- I love you too.
- No, I'm sorry, could you do that one more time? I couldn't quite catch that.
I love you too! Okay.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you! I heard that one.
Your clock is so bright.
What? Your clock is so bright! Trust me, I know.