Z Rock (2008) s02e01 Episode Script

Hey, I'm Paulie.
Me, my brother Dave and my friend Joey are in a rock band.
But to pay the bills we're also in a kid's band.
We are the Z Brothers! Our manager Dina is awesome.
- Got you out of the Popper deal.
- How? She'll do anything to help us make it.
Make it fast.
I only have 15 minutes.
Paulie: We had a lot of friends helping us along the way.
Old Jews and white trash would love you, and those are my people.
- Dee Snider! - We're not gonna leave this lake until you've come up with "the" song.
Joey's got a pain-in-the-ass girlfriend named Becky.
I don't want our colors to clash.
- Our colors for what? - For our wedding.
We're not even engaged yet.
Paulie: Our friend Neal is kinda weird, but he's always there for us.
I wanna have some fun.
Are we wearing pants? I haven't thought that far ahead yet.
Paulie: Sometimes we can't get away from him.
We're almost signed with record executive Harry Braunstein.
Hey hey hey! There they are! Paulie: We were about to become rock stars My wife Kitty and I are so thrilled to have ZO2.
But before we sign these guys, we're gonna see their first video.
(moaning) but we screwed it up - Kitty: David! when David screwed Braunstein's wife.
- Kitty: Fuck me harder! - David: Take it, Kitty! Take it! Paulie: Now we're totally screwed.
Cheeseburger day.
Why are you so happy over a cheeseburger? We barely have enough money to afford these.
We can't get a Z Brother's gig.
We can't get a ZO2 gig.
We have nothing! Any more negatives you want to focus on? Dina left us.
Becky left him.
How many times I gotta tell you? Never mention that name again.
Guys, this career that we chose is a bumpy road.
This is a journey.
Okay? Like my burger.
I know that somewhere in that kitchen is my perfect burger.
Just like I know somewhere in the world there is going to be that record contract, that fame and that fortune.
And I am willing to wait for it.
If I didn't eat that burger today, I ate it tomorrow, it's gonna taste twice as good.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Patience.
What the hell is he talking about? I think he just said he didn't want his burger.
Oh, speaking of which.
- We're doing a good thing here.
- Oh, thank you.
- Cheers.
- Here you go.
Rare is a little better.
- You're right.
- Right? Ooh, baby.
- What? - Where's the burger? - Excuse me.
- No no no.
That's not my burger, right? - We're helping you out.
- You ate my fucking burger? You said if you have your burger tomorrow, it'll taste better.
You didn't get the fact that that was a metaphor, you idiot? You've got some fucking balls! We have no gigs, we have no money, my girlfriend left me because of you two morons and you're calling me an idiot? How did we drive her away? You're the reason we got into this whole mess! - I'm the reason? - Did you sleep with Kitty Braunstein? You told me to do that.
And if anything, it's your fault that we're in this mess to begin with.
You're supposed to be our lead singer.
Lead us! I can't lead morons, okay? - Morons? - You don't care about anybody - but yourself.
Whatever you want.
- Here, we'll eat your fries too, okay? Don't touch my food.
You want my fries? - Take my fries.
How about that? - This is fucked up.
- Yeah, okay.
- Fuck you, man.
- Hey! - Two babies.
I'm out of here, assholes.
Fuck you! Then go! Leave! Stupid.
You see? You made him go.
You're an idiot! - David: Yes.
- Paulie: Stupid asshole.
You know what? This was cheeseburger day! David: Yeah, you like metaphors so much? I got a metaphor for you: Go fuck yourself.
Hey! That's it! ZO2 is finished! We're done! I'm telling Mommy! - (engine starts) - (distant siren) - (rock music playing) - We're a Brooklyn band It's rock 'n' roll we live But to pay the rent We gotta play for kids Yeah! Are you ready? Are you ready to start the show? Z Rock coming Here we go.
Kids: Z Rock! Man: Babe, why do you got to keep breaking my fucking balls for? How many times I gotta tell you I'm not cheating on you? What's your why do you keep calling me every five minutes? (knocks) I'm doing an interview right now, do you mind? Yeah, he's right here.
You wanna say hello? - Here, say hello.
- Hello.
Are you satisfied? Listen, I'm gonna call the wife.
I'll be by to bang you later, all right? See ya.
How we doin'? My name is Paulie, by the way.
You can call me Paul.
So I'm here for that.
And I'm sorry this just got sort of wrinkled.
There's not a lot on it, but I used big fonts to just sort of fill up the page.
1987? You haven't had a job since 1987? Yes, but the funny story about that uh I was actually I was really good at that job.
I was a delivery boy for a mom-and-pop store Um, well, technically it was my mom and pop and it wasn't really a store.
They just kinda gave me 50o to go to the deli and get them food, but you know but, listen, I was dedicated, I was loyal.
You can call them if you want for a reference.
All right, what's the number? Uh, they're probably not home right now.
- But, uh - Come on, give me some credentials.
- Tell me something.
- Uh, actually, it's funny you ask, I'm a musician.
I've been in a band for a very long time.
I've been playing in a lot of venues all across I toured with Kiss and Poison with my band.
You get broads? Not anymore.
What good are you? Look, I'm gonna lay it out for you, okay? The problem is everybody wants the same qualifications, and I just don't have it.
But the thing is, I need this job.
Everybody wants this job, my friend.
Everybody.
I got rock musicians, I got comics, I got actors I got everybody coming in here for this job.
You know what? Fine.
Don't give me the job.
I don't give a shit anymore.
(laughing) Relax relax.
- What are you talking about? - I'm busting your chops.
Oh my God.
- I don't - You took me serious? Congratulations.
You just got the shittiest job in New York City.
What? Coming up on our right is the "Bethanga" Fountain, originally discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and then rediscovered, I believe, by the Mayan Israelites in 1974.
So hey! - (laughs) - Whoa, come on! $30, you owe me! I'm gonna find you! - Get me to the duck pond fast.
- You're lucky I have another fare! - Come on, let's go.
- All right, I'm going, sir.
I'm going.
Oh, shit, Dee Snider.
- Hey, what's up! - Oh, Paulie! Hey, man, how you been? - Oh, you know.
- Not too good, huh? Judging by how you're dressed and you're driving a pedi-cab.
Yeah.
Life kinda sucks.
So I guess things fell apart with the band, huh? Well, that's sort of a sore subject.
Well, come on, talk to me, brother.
I am your heavy-metal Yoda.
(mimics Yoda) Tell me your story, you must.
Well, we had it.
We had a record deal.
We had a contract in our hand and we blew it.
It just sort of all came to a head and we called it quits.
And now everyone's off doing their own thing.
Joey's working at a hospital.
- (machine beeping) - Didn't I see you last summer? No, man.
You got the wrong guy.
You played in some band.
Here, hold still.
Hold still.
All right, this is gonna hurt.
Yeah, you were the drummer, right? My brother, he wanted to be a male model.
And guess what? He's a male model.
- Oh! - Come on! I'm sorry.
Sometimes it just moves on its own.
Honey, I don't care whether it's hard or soft, just try to keep it in one place.
- I vote hard.
- Woman: Me too.
It's pretty sad.
Every great band has a great manager.
What happened to yours? Dina's okay.
She's still in touch with everybody, but she's got another act.
Move through the urban streets, 4x4 When the rain is rough, I put the pedal to the flo I'm too fast for these fuckers, they escargot! Paulie: The band is over.
Look, Paulie.
I know you feel humiliated who wouldn't be, wearing that outfit? - But I had my low point in my career too.
You know what? I went home, I wrote "We're Not Gonna Take It.
" - No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
This song went on to become what? Is there a man, woman, or child who doesn't know that tune? - Wow.
- Bottom line: You're gonna come back from this.
For right now, you gotta let me off, man.
You pedal slower than shit.
Right here.
Hey, I got skinny legs.
Yeah yeah, whatever it is, dude.
Listen, here's my card.
If you ever need a favor.
Give me a call.
No bullshit.
Only important things.
I gotta get to the duck pond.
You gonna feed them again? Oh, no.
I gotta kill a few.
I've been feeding them so much they're overpopulated.
Hey, ducks! - (duck quacks) - Come on, you son of bitches.
Ladies, pedi-cab? No thank you.
Okay.
Is there any particular reason why? It's just I mean, it's not (cell phone ringing) I mean, look at this thing.
It's like a Corvette! - Hello? - Neil: Paul! - Paulie: Hello? - Neil: Paul.
Can you hear me? Paulie: Hello? Who is this? - Hello? - Paul, it's Neil.
Paulie: Neil? What the hell? Where have you been? I haven't heard from you in forever! The South of France.
I just spent three months on a houseboat on the Côte d'Azur.
South of France? You're shitting me.
It changed my life, Paul.
It changed my life.
I fell in love while I was away.
I spent three months in a houseboat with the love of my life Alex.
Oh, okay.
So, I mean, that's good news, I guess, right? It's been amazing.
Me and Alex were making love up to three to four times a night, and a couple of times during the day.
And then a couple of times alone in the bathroom while I'm thinking.
- Lucky Alex.
- Listen, I came back into town to open a new club - Oh, that's great! and I would like ZO2 - to be the opening act.
- Oh.
We're not really together right now.
ZO2 has kinda called it quits.
C'est pas vrai! That can't be true! - I won't hear of it.
- Buddy, I can't do it.
It's not gonna happen.
Well, we will see about that, Paul.
- We shall see.
- Yeah, we'll see.
Listen, I gotta go, 'cause I'm at the office right now and I have clients coming in.
So, au revoir, adiós and I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies! Oh, I love that hat! (cell phone ringing) (hip-hop music playing) - Hello? - Dina.
Hi, it's Neil.
Neil! Where have you been? In the South of France.
It's a long story.
I'll have to tell you later.
I need to speak to you as soon as possible.
Oh, okay.
I'm kinda busy right now.
Do you wanna come here? - Dina, where are you? - I'm at a club in Greenpoint.
Listen, I'll text you the address.
Oh, and tell the doorman that Baby Powder said to let you in.
Well, I will be there in two shakes of the proverbial lamb's tail.
I just have to drop off my valise and change out of this dreadful travel suit.
Á bientôt.
- Neil: Oh, Dina.
- Dina: Neil! Look at you.
You look like Crockett ate Tubbs.
What's this? It's well, It's another story for another day.
We've gotta talk about the boys right now.
Those boys need to get back together and they gotta get back together quick, and you gotta help me.
I can't Neil, sorry.
I have a new life now and I don't interfere with ZO2 anymore.
- I have my own band.
- Dina, are you happy like this? - Are you really happy like this? - Yes.
No.
Of course I'm not happy.
Look around, Neil.
I am managing a rap act.
And not only are they a rap act, - they are Christian fundamentalists.
- (crowd cheering) We killed them out there, did you hear? Oh, guys! You guys! You are the best! Hey, I jumped off the stage.
- They caught me and all of that.
- This gangsta! - You did? - Yeah.
Be careful.
This is 3D.
- Hey.
- This is my friend Neil.
- Pleasure, Neil.
Pleasure.
- Pleasure.
Dina, we gotta get the band back together.
L I just can't talk about it now.
We'll talk later.
- Guys, I'm proud of you.
- There is no later, Dina, we - Dina, we gotta get the band - Neil.
We gotta get the band back together.
Jesus Christ, Dina! Oh my Don't ever take the motherfucking Lord's name in vain.
Neil, would you please get out of here before they start blasting? We'll figure it out tomorrow.
Guys, good day.
Good day.
Pedi-cab ride around Central Park? No speak English.
You don't speak English? Where are you from? - Italy.
- Hey, how you doing? Forget about it.
Dina: Oh! Oh, Neil.
Neil! Hey, Lee, can we take five, man? Grab yourself a Kool-Aid or something.
Neil, I'm so sorry about last night.
Dina, oh, you're a fencer now? Yeah, it's my cardio.
It keeps all my shit packed and it's better than Spanx.
- I love it.
- I didn't know you were so cultured.
Okay, enough.
You're right, the rap group sucks.
I dumped them.
And so? I got a plan.
We gotta get ZO2 back together.
I want my boys back.
I like what you're saying and I'm behind you.
- What do you wanna do? - Grab a foil.
Sword fight? - Here we go.
- Move it.
Yeah.
Come on, lady, let's dance.
Me and Alex had our fair share of sword fighting back in France.
Listen, here's the plan.
We get them back in the same room and the minute they smell each other's hair product, ZO2 is a band again.
How are you gonna fool 'em all into this room? I ask my Aunt Joan to figure out that part.
Oh, Aunt Joan! Hello, sweetheart.
Nice to see you again.
- You look amazing.
- Thank you very much.
I actually own this in autumn green.
I bet it's terrific with your eyes.
- It is.
- Now are you gonna take up fencing? Because you know, I used to go out with Errol Flynn I used to spend every morning with his blade in my face and then he taught me to fence.
All right, guys, let's focus band.
I know how to get the boys back together.
- Oh, you do? - Yes.
Each one of us is gonna make up a story to get them into one central place.
Each one of you is in charge of a guy.
Get him there any way you can think of.
You are gonna take care of David.
- You - I'll do Joey.
Okay, 'cause I know where Paulie is and I know what I'm telling Paulie already.
Pedi-cab.
Pedi-cab person.
- Hey! - Paulie! - All right.
How are you? - How are you? Oh, so good to see you.
What are you doing here anyway? I only take pedi-cabs now.
The taxi the body odor The drivers, they stink, right? No, it's me.
Yeah, it's me.
You know.
Anyhow.
I know this is stupid, but you know my grandson, don't you? - Cooper.
- Right.
He's having a birthday Saturday.
Would you like to come and play at the birthday party? - Ah - What do you make here? Nothing really.
Well, I will give you three times that.
- Cash? - Cash.
- All right.
- You got it, baby.
All right.
- All right.
Get in.
- Let's go.
All right.
- You want me to help you? - Don't help me, no! I can get in my No, that's the wrong don't do the knee.
- No no no.
- I'm just - Hold on.
- Just One, two, three.
Ah! Watch my diaper.
Okay, fine.
Thank you.
- You good? - Yeah.
This is nice.
- Where are we going? - Staten Island.
Staten Island? Nine-hour window? What am I supposed to do for nine hours without TV? Bye, Ethyl.
I'll see you next week.
Say hi to Betty for me.
You know what? Forget it.
Yeah, thanks for nothing.
Surprise, hotshot! - Dina.
- Hi.
Holy shit.
What's up? - How are you? - I'm doing great.
- Yeah? Are you happy? - I'm finally modeling.
Dina, the best part is I'm surrounded by women all day.
Are they single? They are now.
Actually, speaking of women, I have a friend named Tawni she's from out of town, swimsuit model and she really wants to go to the Hustler Club.
I hate that place, so I told her a knew a perfect guy who would go with her possibly.
Do you wanna go? This Saturday.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Um - She's a really nice girl.
The only thing about her is her breasts are really big - and she's really self-conscious of it.
- Yeah? She thinks they're too big.
Well, l I could probably work around them.
Oh, Marone! That old bitch did it again.
(coughs) Oh, now it's in my hair.
- Oh.
- Joseph Cassata.
- Oh! I can't believe my eyes! - Oh! Neil, is that you? Of course it's me.
What the hell are you doing here? I'm coming to visit my friend Joseph.
What's with the get-up? I just got back from the South of France for three months.
- What are you thinking? - I don't like it.
It's not you.
It's not on the outside.
The changes have happened on the inside.
So what are you doing? I haven't seen you in forever.
Dina told me that you were down here, so I figured I'd come talk to you because I happened to come into possession of a couple of tickets to a fundraiser featuring Derek Jeter.
- The Jete.
- The Jete.
Yes, I'm in.
When? - That's great.
Saturday.
- Count me in, baby, I'm there.
I'm looking forward to the time together.
Nice, nice.
Whoa.
Can you help me do this quick before you go? Sure sure.
Yes.
Grab ahold of this end over here.
- Okay.
- Oh my God! Are those cashews? - Oh.
- Fancy hospital.
Listen, do a song about ships.
You know what I mean? - Can you do that? - Yeah, I have a good song for that.
- Oh, hi Melissa.
- You're pregnant.
Congratulations.
I'm not pregnant.
I'm a little bloated.
Mommy, Mommy, look what I got.
Honey, whatever you do, don't unwrap it.
Remember, toys depreciate, cash is king.
(knocks on door) Yo, Neil.
You here? Jeter? Happy birthday, Cooper.
This is from your Auntie Dina.
Mommy says your dirty.
Good boy, I love you so much.
Back to the party.
Nice, Melissa.
Really nice.
The truth hurts.
I don't care.
It's a regift anyway.
Freak, what are you doing here? Who's Cooper? Where's Jeter? Jeter? You're not at a football party, it's a pirate party.
Neil told me Derek Jeter was gonna be here.
Yeah, I know, but that wasn't exactly honest.
This is a pirate party and this is my party.
What are you doing here? Oh, this is great.
- Dina? - Why would you do this? - It's a reunion, okay? - A reunion? - Are you kidding? - Neil, Auntie Joan and I all thought that the three of you needed to get back together.
I'd better be taking one of those mommies from the Hustler Club.
What Hustler Club are you talking about? - This is a birthday party.
- That's what I'm here for.
Are you still whining about the cheeseburger? Hey, don't fucking mention the cheeseburger.
- You said you didn't want it.
- I didn't say I didn't want it.
- Yes, you did.
- You said that - You started this whole thing! - I did? - Stop it! - I lost Becky 'cause you two morons.
- You all stop it.
Now stop it.
- 'Cause you're a loser.
You've gotta resolve this.
Look, guys, do me a favor.
It's my son's birthday - please play the party.
- Okay, Melissa, do me a favor and don't tell my band what to do.
Okay, do me a favor and don't suck my boyfriend's dick in ninth grade.
I needed a ride to school.
Could you let it go? First of all, we're not your band.
This is ridiculous.
You guys can do the party, - I'm out of here.
- You do the party.
I'm out of here.
You're crazy.
You're seriously bringing that up now? You're such a whore.
Mommy, she ruins everything.
You should have sucked his dick, and I wouldn't have had to.
Whoa, man! Look at this! I had no idea the Z Brothers were gonna be rocking the party.
Hey, Wolfgang, why don't you go right along and play? All right? Don't lick anyone.
You guys were so close to being rock stars, but it's just great.
You have more time for hair ironing, pleather coat shopping joining the navy or whatever you're doing.
- (laughing) - Okay.
Whoa.
Wait, wait.
You guys smell that? Do you smell that? Seriously.
Did one of these little monsters take a dump in here? Oh, no! That's my dick! It still smells like shit for fucking you guys out of the business! - What are you doing here? - What? Having a little fun, Dina.
- Out.
Right now.
- Go into that room right there.
Come in here, please.
Just come in here.
- I'm not going in here.
- Just for a minute.
I know it's uncomfortable.
I know it's weird.
I swear to God I did not know that Braunstein was going to be here.
But you knew that I wasn't going out with a "Hustler" model.
I just wanted you guys to get back together.
You cannot invite Harry Braunstein to a party.
Mom, he called.
The kids are in the same class.
He wormed his way in.
What am I gonna do? He's gonna give a good gift.
What am I supposed to do? I don't know.
It's just wrong.
In the movie "Notorious" fabulous movie, it should have gotten an Oscar nom whatever.
In that movie, Puffy says, (emphatically) "The only way to change the world is to change yourselves.
" She's right.
What do you mean she's right? What is she even talking about? - Are you not listening? - If you would pay attention and focus, you won't be wiping some old man's ass for the rest of your life.
Look how Dina handles them.
She's brilliant.
I can't believe you invited Dina.
- Excuse she's family.
- She's a whore.
She's a family whore.
She's talking about the "Notorious" movie, right? Yes, but you didn't even see it.
What are you talking about? - I saw the trailer - You can't tell what's going on - from the trailer.
- Hello? You don't have to see the whole "Schindler's List" to know that the Holocaust was awful.
You can tell that just from the trailer.
Dina: See? Paulie's got it.
Braunstein is trying to make you walk out.
He wants to see you divided and angry with each other.
You know what would really get him? If you went out there and you played.
You go out there and you do what you do.
You know what? I'll do the party.
You know why? 'Cause the last thing I'm gonna do is walk out of here knowing that that prick got what he wanted.
But if we do this, we're not doing it half-assed, okay? - Fine.
- We'll do it full-assed.
- Dina: Full-assed.
- I like that full-assed.
Yeah, guys, just set up.
I'll be right there, okay? - I gotta take a piss.
- Joey: Hurry up, freak.
You know, Lee, if this comes out good I'm gonna make it my next album cover.
It comes out bad, I'll make you dig your own grave.
(cell phone ringing) - Hello? - Dee, it's Paulie Z.
Paulie? What do you want? I need you to do me a favor.
Okay, guys, we're gonna do something a little different, because guess who just came in.
A very special guest.
Everybody, turn around, you see that guy over there? That's the meanest, most nasty, most smelliest pirate in the whole world Blackbeard Braunstein.
Everybody point and say boo! Kids: Boo! Yeah, that's right.
You know who you are.
Let's party out just for you, Braunstein.
(guitar playing loudly) Yeah! One, two, three.
Step right up, try your luck Play a little hold 'em, are you Texas tough? If you're buying, then I'll tell you this could go all night Whaa! - David: That was awesome.
- Paulie: I sounded great.
Are we back to the good old days? - Oh, I don't know.
We'll see.
- Fellas.
Look at this.
- Look, I'm sorry about before.
- Boy: Brown, black, white I'd like to hate you and in fact, I still do hate you at a certain level.
blue, red, purple - Quiet! Kids.
(chuckles) Anyway I wanna talk business, all right, fellas? That was a lot of new stuff.
I loved it.
I loved the energy you guys brought out, and I think maybe, you know, we gotta make some money here.
So what do you say? - Is this for real? - Yeah, I'm for real.
If I can get over the fact that Tonto here banged my wife, you guys can get over all the other bullshit.
- Let's do a deal.
- Dave: Shall we do it again? - Shake on it.
- Yeah, let's shake on it.
We're back in business.
- Go go go! - Yeah.
Let's do this.
Paulie: Braunstein! Sorry for yelling, kids.
Coming off of coke is never easy.
- He always says that.
- Yeah.
Wow! What? Becky? - What are you doing here? - Becky: Hi.
I'm here to see my boyfriend.
What do you mean? What are you talking about? - Oh, hey, how are you? - Hi, baby.
How are you? Whoa! - Joey, what are you doing? - I'll kill you! Please, come on! - Take it easy.
- Let's go! Take your jacket off, - you coked-up weasel.
Let's go! - (yells) Get off of him! Those kids aren't going to forget that party anytime soon, right? I can't believe Braunstein got in a clean shot.
Look at this.
- What are we doing now? - We go get the dream.
We get right back on the horse.
We ride into the sunset and we find that cheeseburger.
- No more metaphors from you, okay? - Yeah.
ZO2's back! And we owe it all to Dee Snider.
What the hell does Dee Snider have to do with it? Hey, excuse me, dude.
Aren't you Dee Snider from Twisted Sister? No hablo Inglés, senor.
(speaking Spanish) Look, dude, give me a break.
I'm just doing a favor for a friend, okay? Don't tell anybody you saw me doing this.
It's between us as long as you don't charge me for the ride.
Paulie! (theme music playing) - Man: One two three! - Kids: Z Rock! Man over P.
A: Intermission.