A.N.T. Farm (2011) s02e02 Episode Script
InfANT
Hey, I hear there's a new Ant starting today.
But Gibson's not here and he always says, "Welcome to the Ant Farm.
" Someone has to say, "Welcome to the Ant Farm.
" Seriously.
Who's gonna say, "Welcome to the Ant Farm"? Well, of course.
It's so obvious.
Olive could do it.
She always says it when Gibson does, anyway.
Yes, but in a mocking way.
Well, how about this time you can say it, and I'll mock you? No! That's my thing.
Why do you always get to be the one to mock? Wow, you are good at it.
I'll do it.
Maybe this new Ant will be a smokin' babe.
Everyone, meet the new Ant.
You were right about the babe part.
This is Sebastian.
Isn't Sebastian a little too young for high school? You're all too young for high school! Yeah, but at least we can all sit up by ourselves.
Well, at least most of us can.
Anyway, Sebastian is a very advanced baby.
So I expect you guys to find his talent.
Why do we have to do it? Because if you don't you'll spend so much time in detention it will start to feel like home.
And not your fancy, comfortable homes.
My home.
The kind you buy on a principal's salary! Principal Skidmore, hold on a second.
Bye! Don't leave me What are we supposed to do now? I know.
Welcome to the Ant Farm! Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! Wow, this baby is a crybaby.
Hey, maybe we should try making him laugh.
Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! I don't understand.
That makes Cameron laugh all the time.
Somebody else please try something.
Angus, that's not gonna make him laugh.
I wasn't trying to be funny.
I just think better with my pants off.
Speaking of which, I've got a math test now.
Ooh, I know how to make the baby laugh! Okay.
So a sailor, a nurse, driving to Vegas Fletcher! Ow! Hey! He stopped crying.
Quick! Slap Fletcher again! Ow! Hey! He's kicking.
Maybe his talent is karate! Are you crazy? The baby's talent is not karate! No kidding.
He didn't even try to fight back.
Don't you think he's a little too young to be pressured into having a talent? He should enjoy being a kid.
Enjoy being a kid? There's no worse time in a person's life than childhood.
You guys read my autobiography.
Sure.
A real page-turner.
Can't wait for the movie.
Hey there.
I hope you have your library card because you're totally checking me out.
Aced it.
Hey, Angus.
You forgot your backpack at my house last night.
By the way, thank you so much.
You were awesome.
You were at Lexi's house last night? Yup.
She practically begged me to come over.
Why? What were you doing? Thank you for coming over to fix my computer.
A gentleman never tells.
Let's just say, thanks to me, Lexi saw fireworks.
Cool, I can play videos again! Check out this one I took on the 4th of July! I don't think his talent is music.
But he did just compose a movement.
What? Oh, that kind of movement.
Here you go, buddy.
Diaper up.
I don't think he knows how to change himself.
What kind of prodigy is this? We'll just help him.
It can't be that hard.
Wow, this kid does not like having his diaper changed.
At least he's wearing a clean one now.
Not it! Dang it! Angus, there you are.
What are you doing out here? My mom said I spend too much time on the computer and not enough time outside.
And now I'm out here.
I don't see the appeal.
That screensaver is really boring.
You mean the sky? Yeah, whatever.
Listen, I need to talk to you.
I just can't figure out what someone like Lexi would want with someone like you.
Dude, I've got skills.
You? Skills? Okay, look, if you don't believe me, ask Lexi yourself.
Lexi, does Angus really have skills? Oh yeah.
I was just telling the whole cheerleading squad about him.
By the way, a few of them want your number.
Why was I cursed with this gift? Okay, hold up the canvas.
Well, he definitely has no art talent.
Unlike me.
See? We're working him too hard.
The poor baby is tired.
Go to sleep, little babe On your soft, comfy bed Let good thoughts And nice dreams Fill your sweet little head Guys! Guys, wake up! We have a big problem! Have we been drafted into the army? How did he pass the physical? We lost Sebastian.
He went AWOL? I say we check Canada.
We're not in the army! We fell asleep and Sebastian must have crawled away! We have to find him before Principal Skidmore Where's the baby? Oh, um Olive is just reading him a story.
And then I became the youngest member of Mensa ever.
Yes, I did.
Yes, I did! Well, as you can see, Sebastian is safely behind that comically large book.
We need to find that baby! I thought Olive was reading him a story.
Wacky! Have you seen a little, tiny boy wandering around looking lost? You have? Where? Angus! You found the baby! What baby? This is my ham.
Hey, don't look at me like that.
This is extra lean, low-sodium ham.
Yes, you are! Yes, you are, my little honey-glazed.
Angus! I need to know your secret! Okay, okay.
This ham's not really low-sodium.
I mean how you ever got Lexi to be interested in a guy like you.
"A guy like me?" You mean someone who's handsome, charming, and well-dressed? You're wearing a meat sling.
Okay, look.
I can't give away my tricks for free.
If you want to have swag like me, you can attend my online webinar.
Two hundred dollars? Forget it.
Angus, there you are! Can you come over tonight? I really need you.
Again? It's not like any other guy around here can do what you do.
Cameron wouldn't even know what to do if I gave him an instruction manual.
Fine.
There's an instruction manual? I can't find Sebastian anywhere.
Don't worry, we took care of it.
I whittled a wittle baby! I think Skidmore's going to notice he's made of wood.
Relax.
We can turn him into a real boy.
All we have to do is wish upon a star.
If we're wishing upon a star, why don't we just wish for Sebastian to come back? Seems kind of like a boring wish.
Let's wish for laser vision.
Will someone explain how this baby got into my ham carrier? Sebastian! Thank goodness you're okay! This is not a diaper.
This is a tortilla.
Okay, enough wasting time.
We have to find this baby's talent before Skidmore shows up again.
I was thinking we could try chemistry.
Now put on your lab coat and your goggles.
He's not wearing goggles.
He really should if he's going to handle hydrochloric acid.
Forget it! This baby's done with school.
We're leaving! Hey! You're not going anywhere with that thing.
This is my ham's blanket.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Roxanne! We said two was enough! Someone's a little cranky after their nap.
Well, I didn't get my solid two hours.
Chyna? Who is this? This is Sebastian.
He's a friend from class.
Freshman? Kind of.
Principal Skidmore wants us to find his talent.
When is the right time to start teaching a baby a skill? Well, that's something I can speak to from experience.
Come on, little rock star.
Maybe you like the tambourine.
Jingly.
Well, at least it didn't hurt as much as the cymbals.
So, even though I showed no ability, you kept pushing me and pushing me and I ended up a musical prodigy.
What? No.
That story was about Cameron.
We tried teaching him all sorts of things.
Only thing he was good at was hitting me in the head.
But we didn't put any pressure on you and eventually you found your own passion.
Wait a second.
That's Cameron? Yeah.
Why is he wearing pink? Hand-me-downs from your cousin Lyla.
That princess onesie fit him till he was five.
I can't afford $200 for a webinar.
Especially after I spent all my money on these magic beans.
I'll do it later, Mom! There's a boy from school coming over.
Angus, where are you? I can't wait much longer.
What does she see in him? Cameron? What are you doing here? I just wanted to learn everything Angus knows.
Watch him do his thing.
You want to watch him fix my computer? And by "fix your computer," you mean Fix my computer.
He's going to fix my computer.
That computer.
Over there.
He's fixing it.
Wait, what are you trying to say? I'm saying he's fixing my computer! What did you think that he Where did that beanstalk come from? Who's my little deputy? Kuh Cuffs? You want the handcuffs? Okay.
Hey! Nice one! Chyna, we're here for the baby.
I'm counting two hostiles.
You take the girl.
I'll take the old man! Please.
I am a highly decorated member of the San Francisco What? I thought we were breaking stuff.
Guys, I'm not giving you the baby.
He's too young for all this pressure.
So you're saying we should just go to Skidmore and tell her, "We failed.
Punish us.
"Lock us in detention for months without anything fun to do "like homework or extra credit assignments.
" That's not what I'm saying.
Don't put words in my mouth.
Words in my mouth.
I have an idea! Come on, guys! Hey! Don't leave me without any Never mind.
I'm good! Angus told you we were an item? I'm going to teach that little twerp a lesson! I think that's Angus.
Hello, Mrs.
Reed.
Would you mind watching my ham? Quick! Get back in the closet! Wait.
What? But I'm scared of the clown statue.
Hey, Lexi.
I know you didn't ask me to, but I'm going to install this anti-virus software.
Be sure to tell people at school I did everything you wanted and more.
Use those exact words.
Forget the computer.
I thought you and I could create some electricity.
Okay.
I guess we could rub our feet on the carpet and touch the doorknob.
I meant kiss, silly.
I'm just a little boy! That was awesome.
Except for being locked in the closet with that creepy clown statue.
Clown statue? We don't have a clown statue.
Oh, yeah.
We do have a clown statue.
Come on, I have to show you something! If it's the family of wombats living under the deep fryer, you should know that they're very clean animals and actually upped our health code rating by chasing away the dung beetles.
No.
But we did find Sebastian's talent.
Hit it! I'm a baby He's a baby So don't push me Unless he's in a stroller I'm a baby He's a baby Don't try to change me Unless he made a boom-boom 'Cause I'm a baby Yes, I'm a baby That's right, I'm a baby Just let me be a baby I'm a baby No, you're not No, she's not! Principal Skidmore, I can explain.
She can try, but it won't be very convincing Get out of there! Not you, wombats! I'm sorry we tried to trick you, but we were just trying to make a point.
We work really hard in the A.
N.
T.
Program, and it's rewarding, but we all chose to be a part of it.
Not me.
My parents made me.
The point is Sebastian is too young for all that pressure.
He should be allowed to be a baby, have fun, enjoy growing up.
I insist that you take Sebastian out of the A.
N.
T.
Program.
Sebastian is not an Ant.
I just made the whole thing up so that I could get you kids to babysit my nephew while I go shoe shopping.
Your nephew? Trust me, my sister didn't give birth to any prodigy.
She's so dumb she entrusted me with the safety of a child.
Not it.
Not it.
Not it.
Dang it! Hey Olive.
What are you doing? Working on the next volume of my autobiography.
Then Chyna came up to me and said: "Hey Olive, what're you doing?" But I can see in her eyes that she don't really care.
- Cool dog.
- You don't know that half of it.
This is super advanced prodigy dog.
Please, teach her a talent when I'm ***.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Forget it, we ar enot falling for your schemes Bye bye.
See ya.
Man, watch their problem.
But Gibson's not here and he always says, "Welcome to the Ant Farm.
" Someone has to say, "Welcome to the Ant Farm.
" Seriously.
Who's gonna say, "Welcome to the Ant Farm"? Well, of course.
It's so obvious.
Olive could do it.
She always says it when Gibson does, anyway.
Yes, but in a mocking way.
Well, how about this time you can say it, and I'll mock you? No! That's my thing.
Why do you always get to be the one to mock? Wow, you are good at it.
I'll do it.
Maybe this new Ant will be a smokin' babe.
Everyone, meet the new Ant.
You were right about the babe part.
This is Sebastian.
Isn't Sebastian a little too young for high school? You're all too young for high school! Yeah, but at least we can all sit up by ourselves.
Well, at least most of us can.
Anyway, Sebastian is a very advanced baby.
So I expect you guys to find his talent.
Why do we have to do it? Because if you don't you'll spend so much time in detention it will start to feel like home.
And not your fancy, comfortable homes.
My home.
The kind you buy on a principal's salary! Principal Skidmore, hold on a second.
Bye! Don't leave me What are we supposed to do now? I know.
Welcome to the Ant Farm! Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! Wow, this baby is a crybaby.
Hey, maybe we should try making him laugh.
Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! I don't understand.
That makes Cameron laugh all the time.
Somebody else please try something.
Angus, that's not gonna make him laugh.
I wasn't trying to be funny.
I just think better with my pants off.
Speaking of which, I've got a math test now.
Ooh, I know how to make the baby laugh! Okay.
So a sailor, a nurse, driving to Vegas Fletcher! Ow! Hey! He stopped crying.
Quick! Slap Fletcher again! Ow! Hey! He's kicking.
Maybe his talent is karate! Are you crazy? The baby's talent is not karate! No kidding.
He didn't even try to fight back.
Don't you think he's a little too young to be pressured into having a talent? He should enjoy being a kid.
Enjoy being a kid? There's no worse time in a person's life than childhood.
You guys read my autobiography.
Sure.
A real page-turner.
Can't wait for the movie.
Hey there.
I hope you have your library card because you're totally checking me out.
Aced it.
Hey, Angus.
You forgot your backpack at my house last night.
By the way, thank you so much.
You were awesome.
You were at Lexi's house last night? Yup.
She practically begged me to come over.
Why? What were you doing? Thank you for coming over to fix my computer.
A gentleman never tells.
Let's just say, thanks to me, Lexi saw fireworks.
Cool, I can play videos again! Check out this one I took on the 4th of July! I don't think his talent is music.
But he did just compose a movement.
What? Oh, that kind of movement.
Here you go, buddy.
Diaper up.
I don't think he knows how to change himself.
What kind of prodigy is this? We'll just help him.
It can't be that hard.
Wow, this kid does not like having his diaper changed.
At least he's wearing a clean one now.
Not it! Dang it! Angus, there you are.
What are you doing out here? My mom said I spend too much time on the computer and not enough time outside.
And now I'm out here.
I don't see the appeal.
That screensaver is really boring.
You mean the sky? Yeah, whatever.
Listen, I need to talk to you.
I just can't figure out what someone like Lexi would want with someone like you.
Dude, I've got skills.
You? Skills? Okay, look, if you don't believe me, ask Lexi yourself.
Lexi, does Angus really have skills? Oh yeah.
I was just telling the whole cheerleading squad about him.
By the way, a few of them want your number.
Why was I cursed with this gift? Okay, hold up the canvas.
Well, he definitely has no art talent.
Unlike me.
See? We're working him too hard.
The poor baby is tired.
Go to sleep, little babe On your soft, comfy bed Let good thoughts And nice dreams Fill your sweet little head Guys! Guys, wake up! We have a big problem! Have we been drafted into the army? How did he pass the physical? We lost Sebastian.
He went AWOL? I say we check Canada.
We're not in the army! We fell asleep and Sebastian must have crawled away! We have to find him before Principal Skidmore Where's the baby? Oh, um Olive is just reading him a story.
And then I became the youngest member of Mensa ever.
Yes, I did.
Yes, I did! Well, as you can see, Sebastian is safely behind that comically large book.
We need to find that baby! I thought Olive was reading him a story.
Wacky! Have you seen a little, tiny boy wandering around looking lost? You have? Where? Angus! You found the baby! What baby? This is my ham.
Hey, don't look at me like that.
This is extra lean, low-sodium ham.
Yes, you are! Yes, you are, my little honey-glazed.
Angus! I need to know your secret! Okay, okay.
This ham's not really low-sodium.
I mean how you ever got Lexi to be interested in a guy like you.
"A guy like me?" You mean someone who's handsome, charming, and well-dressed? You're wearing a meat sling.
Okay, look.
I can't give away my tricks for free.
If you want to have swag like me, you can attend my online webinar.
Two hundred dollars? Forget it.
Angus, there you are! Can you come over tonight? I really need you.
Again? It's not like any other guy around here can do what you do.
Cameron wouldn't even know what to do if I gave him an instruction manual.
Fine.
There's an instruction manual? I can't find Sebastian anywhere.
Don't worry, we took care of it.
I whittled a wittle baby! I think Skidmore's going to notice he's made of wood.
Relax.
We can turn him into a real boy.
All we have to do is wish upon a star.
If we're wishing upon a star, why don't we just wish for Sebastian to come back? Seems kind of like a boring wish.
Let's wish for laser vision.
Will someone explain how this baby got into my ham carrier? Sebastian! Thank goodness you're okay! This is not a diaper.
This is a tortilla.
Okay, enough wasting time.
We have to find this baby's talent before Skidmore shows up again.
I was thinking we could try chemistry.
Now put on your lab coat and your goggles.
He's not wearing goggles.
He really should if he's going to handle hydrochloric acid.
Forget it! This baby's done with school.
We're leaving! Hey! You're not going anywhere with that thing.
This is my ham's blanket.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Roxanne! We said two was enough! Someone's a little cranky after their nap.
Well, I didn't get my solid two hours.
Chyna? Who is this? This is Sebastian.
He's a friend from class.
Freshman? Kind of.
Principal Skidmore wants us to find his talent.
When is the right time to start teaching a baby a skill? Well, that's something I can speak to from experience.
Come on, little rock star.
Maybe you like the tambourine.
Jingly.
Well, at least it didn't hurt as much as the cymbals.
So, even though I showed no ability, you kept pushing me and pushing me and I ended up a musical prodigy.
What? No.
That story was about Cameron.
We tried teaching him all sorts of things.
Only thing he was good at was hitting me in the head.
But we didn't put any pressure on you and eventually you found your own passion.
Wait a second.
That's Cameron? Yeah.
Why is he wearing pink? Hand-me-downs from your cousin Lyla.
That princess onesie fit him till he was five.
I can't afford $200 for a webinar.
Especially after I spent all my money on these magic beans.
I'll do it later, Mom! There's a boy from school coming over.
Angus, where are you? I can't wait much longer.
What does she see in him? Cameron? What are you doing here? I just wanted to learn everything Angus knows.
Watch him do his thing.
You want to watch him fix my computer? And by "fix your computer," you mean Fix my computer.
He's going to fix my computer.
That computer.
Over there.
He's fixing it.
Wait, what are you trying to say? I'm saying he's fixing my computer! What did you think that he Where did that beanstalk come from? Who's my little deputy? Kuh Cuffs? You want the handcuffs? Okay.
Hey! Nice one! Chyna, we're here for the baby.
I'm counting two hostiles.
You take the girl.
I'll take the old man! Please.
I am a highly decorated member of the San Francisco What? I thought we were breaking stuff.
Guys, I'm not giving you the baby.
He's too young for all this pressure.
So you're saying we should just go to Skidmore and tell her, "We failed.
Punish us.
"Lock us in detention for months without anything fun to do "like homework or extra credit assignments.
" That's not what I'm saying.
Don't put words in my mouth.
Words in my mouth.
I have an idea! Come on, guys! Hey! Don't leave me without any Never mind.
I'm good! Angus told you we were an item? I'm going to teach that little twerp a lesson! I think that's Angus.
Hello, Mrs.
Reed.
Would you mind watching my ham? Quick! Get back in the closet! Wait.
What? But I'm scared of the clown statue.
Hey, Lexi.
I know you didn't ask me to, but I'm going to install this anti-virus software.
Be sure to tell people at school I did everything you wanted and more.
Use those exact words.
Forget the computer.
I thought you and I could create some electricity.
Okay.
I guess we could rub our feet on the carpet and touch the doorknob.
I meant kiss, silly.
I'm just a little boy! That was awesome.
Except for being locked in the closet with that creepy clown statue.
Clown statue? We don't have a clown statue.
Oh, yeah.
We do have a clown statue.
Come on, I have to show you something! If it's the family of wombats living under the deep fryer, you should know that they're very clean animals and actually upped our health code rating by chasing away the dung beetles.
No.
But we did find Sebastian's talent.
Hit it! I'm a baby He's a baby So don't push me Unless he's in a stroller I'm a baby He's a baby Don't try to change me Unless he made a boom-boom 'Cause I'm a baby Yes, I'm a baby That's right, I'm a baby Just let me be a baby I'm a baby No, you're not No, she's not! Principal Skidmore, I can explain.
She can try, but it won't be very convincing Get out of there! Not you, wombats! I'm sorry we tried to trick you, but we were just trying to make a point.
We work really hard in the A.
N.
T.
Program, and it's rewarding, but we all chose to be a part of it.
Not me.
My parents made me.
The point is Sebastian is too young for all that pressure.
He should be allowed to be a baby, have fun, enjoy growing up.
I insist that you take Sebastian out of the A.
N.
T.
Program.
Sebastian is not an Ant.
I just made the whole thing up so that I could get you kids to babysit my nephew while I go shoe shopping.
Your nephew? Trust me, my sister didn't give birth to any prodigy.
She's so dumb she entrusted me with the safety of a child.
Not it.
Not it.
Not it.
Dang it! Hey Olive.
What are you doing? Working on the next volume of my autobiography.
Then Chyna came up to me and said: "Hey Olive, what're you doing?" But I can see in her eyes that she don't really care.
- Cool dog.
- You don't know that half of it.
This is super advanced prodigy dog.
Please, teach her a talent when I'm ***.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Forget it, we ar enot falling for your schemes Bye bye.
See ya.
Man, watch their problem.