Ackley Bridge (2017) s02e02 Episode Script
Series 2, Episode 2
1 It's the ninjas! - Where's the money? - Iqbal Paracha.
He's your dad, right? I'm your brother.
- You've got a kid to think about.
- He's not mine, Candice.
He's Cory's.
I'm going to have to pull all low achievers - out of non-core subjects.
- What's that going to do - to their self-esteem? - I might as well drop my CV off at the chicken shop and be done with it.
We'll have to go halvsies on a roll-up.
- What, you and Will? - I've really got to go.
SPRAYS PAIN Jordan! I thought you and Cory might want to come to Jamie's Christening, with him, like, you know, creating him and that.
Crisps for breakfast? Nice.
You had chicken korma for breakfast.
So? Literally ruining my life, Miss! - All of it.
- Oh! Thank you.
And the eyebrows.
Er, Olivia Worthington, I'll have those hoops, please.
Let's get smart! Er, Chloe this is too much.
I'll have that, thanks.
And tuck your shirt in, please.
Thank you.
- Can we tuck these shirts in? - Right.
Smarten up your ties.
Thank You.
Yeah, the students have been embracing it Mr Simpson, can you escort him to my office, please? You know, in some schools, that could've been a petrol bomb.
Hey, Jordan! You think I'm going to ruin my life for a two-minute grope? You're dumber than you look, kid.
It's all right.
He don't need you, anyway.
Oh, yeah, cos you're such role model? Eh? Getting banged up over Christmas, doing a dealer's dirty work! - CROWD YELLS - Go on, lose it, Jordan! You're just like your dad! Incoming! Go on, lose it! Scram! There's nothing about you I'd keep! - Go on! Just like him! You're just like him! - Cory! Cory! - You're just like Dad! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, hold it.
Come here.
- Go ahead! - Come here, come here.
Get to class.
Calm down.
Get to class.
Get to class! Would you rather go to Miss Carter's office? Get to class! Now! Nas! I thought we could talk.
Erm, I'm late.
Come on, Missy! How long does it take to yank yourself a top knot? - But I could drop you.
- Yes.
You were just moaning about being late.
Look, I, I don't want to talk, OK.
I don't want a lift.
Just, please, leave me alone, OK? All of us! She just needs to move from shock to acceptance, like my nana when George Michael came out.
HE LAUGHS - You really care about her, don't you? - Er I don't know what that is.
Proper gora, you.
Didn't Mr Paracha teach you none of the lingo? Er, does, "I'm off to Pakistan"? That count? Missy! Look, I can't promise now.
Nas can be a stubborn cow.
Must run in the family.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God! Check out Riz! WHISPERING: My eyebrows.
My eyebrows, my eyebrows, my eyebrows.
My eyebrows? Looking good, Alya! New hijab? Hi, Cory.
Learned how to spell "condom" yet? THEY ALL CHUCKLE Nice.
He give you the invite? To your son's christening? - Hey, I didn't know you were a dad.
- Neither does his kid.
Miss Pararcha, Miss Booth! Join us, why don't you? Today, we are going to explore infections.
Bacteria.
Viruses.
Fungi! Soz! TEACHER CLEARS THROA Done? Back to work.
I'm sorry about Cory.
He were, erm he was just showing off.
He will be there.
Yeah, right.
The Wilson brothers, eh? He's a joke and you're some some wannabe corner boy.
Yo, Hayley! Sir! That's bullying.
All right.
Bacteria multiply in areas that are My dad said he'd go halves for the christening.
Jamie were bawling his eyes out on the bus the other day, and your dad straight up blanked us.
And now he wants to play grandpa? People change.
The spread can be contained by keeping the conditions clean I got that for you as well.
Could you, erm, lend us 100? MAN LAUGHS Pay back what you owe, and then we'll talk, yeah? Thought any more about that Aaron? What? You mean the product of my dad's disgusting betrayal? Right.
- He seems OK to me.
- Mm.
I don't know, Missy.
I need a girlfriend, not another relative.
Oh, no.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Please! mountain, I want to bathe with you What kind of bloke just ups and goes without even a note? Not even a poxy text, Kaneez.
Snakes don't send texts.
They're too busy crawling in dirt with other snakes.
You've got to get stick and smash its bloody head in.
Simone, you will meet someone else.
You always do.
SOMEONE KNOCKS ON DOOR Simone! I know you're in there! I can hear them sappy tunes right down Blackymore Street.
WHISPER: You never got another loan?! WHISPER: Where do you think massive telly came from? Craig wanted HD.
WHISPER: Craig's gone! WHISPER: So's bloody TV.
Missy, is that you? Are you in there? Come on love, you know me.
I'm just going to keep coming back until I get dealt with.
I'm like thrush.
C'mon, Missy, love, I think I've got a way we can sort this out.
Leave my girls out of it, Linda.
It's my debt.
Well, it's either Missy or a late payment fee plus a week's worth of interest.
TV PLAYS SOFTLY I've got fish and chips here for you.
You better get in quick before Fatboy Slim has them all.
HE CHUCKLES Hey.
You want to know much about life John Wayne.
Learn all of it off him.
IMITATING JOHN WAYNE: There are some things in life a man just can't run away from.
HE CHUCKLES His favourite film's The Smurfs, Dad.
Hey, I've got a trial at a new warehouse outside town.
Proper sick pay, proper holidays, none of this zero hours crap any more.
Do you reckon you'll be able to give Candice some money for the christening for baby? Do you ever just keep your mouth shut? No, just cos what you said about not running away and John.
I don't know, John what's-his-name.
Wayne.
John Wayne.
HE CHUCKLES He's a Sheriff.
He's a Sheriff.
She don't know who that kid's dad is any more than I do.
If she wants to destroy my lad's life as well as her own no, no, I'm not having it.
Just stay away from her.
Both of you, all right? Stay away.
TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS Hey! How are you? Whoa, whoa! Candice! Sorry about An uncle's better than no-one, even if he's in his school shirt.
My brothers said you'd brick yourself.
Went all in now your dad's going halves.
Want to hold him for a pic? Yeah.
Yeah.
- Are you able to take a photo? - Yeah, of course I can.
Aww.
Smile, Jordan.
Oi! You got the cash? We've got to pay White Tony for the booze.
I better get off, cos I'm, er I'm going to have to go.
Probation.
So Jordan! 30 stinking quid? 50/50, you said! I thought you meant cans and crisps.
He's not Prince George, is he? Come on.
What you doing? Candice! Get off! SOMEONE BANGS ON DOOR Hey, man.
- Oi! Oi! - Two hundred quid, you clowns.
You've got till Monday, or our mum'll use your kneecaps for earrings.
Great.
So, now you're in debt to those pair of thugs? - Dad told you to stay away! - So don't tell him.
What? You're just going to sort them by yourself? No.
You're going to help me.
What? Ah, you and your crap ideas.
Hey, how much are they worth again? At least 1,000! - This one here! - Jordan, you muppet! THEY LAUGH Hurry up! All right, come on.
Jordan, don't leave me on this! Whoa! THEY LAUGH You've taken away their favourite lessons, Mandy.
And their eyebrows, they're bound to be a bit aggy.
TEXT ALER Well, if they don't pass their exams, there won't be any lessons, - will there? There won't be any school.
- - - Don't mind me.
It's Claire.
She just wants to know if I can have Zak tomorrow night.
What, at Will's place? Well, it is where I live, Mandy.
She's gonna give herself repetitive strain.
PHONE RINGS Hello.
Yeah, put him through.
Hello.
A what? Alpaca? Reckon he's talking to the farmer? He doesn't know they're stolen.
Well, he's nodding his head.
Is that good? Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Hurry up! Come on! Made it, bro! Hey, come on.
We need to go.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Right, I'm off.
How long's she got you in here for? I'm paying off a telly the size of Blackpool, so till I'm 40? What about you? Three more weeks.
It's bang out of order.
She gets daughters to do it so that pervs can leer at us.
I'm gonna have to pee.
What's the quickest way to services? HORN Sicko! Hey-ho, Missy - Oh.
Oh No, no - What is that? Is that your wee? No, no, no! What, are you off your nut, Missy?! That's disgusting.
I'm so sorry.
Right, that'll help.
What you doing here anyway? Well, you went AWOL, didn't you? And have you spoken to Nas yet? - I've got enough on my plate with my own family.
- Like what? My mum's ex left her with more than a love bite.
I'm stuck here til his debt's paid off.
Here.
You're way too smart to be bunking off school.
I'm in the dibby class, mate, with all the other losers.
Hey! Come on.
You know you're not a loser.
I stink of burgers.
Oh, right, well try having some real problems because I smell of your wee.
Well, I think it's your wee.
I mean, I don't know, it kind of smelt like a horse or a bear or something Right, well, I better go but, erm Thanks for the shower.
Missy! Did my mum tell you I'm here? It doesn't matter how I know.
You can't just bunk off school cos you're sulking.
I'm here cos I've gotta be, miss.
What about your GSCEs? I'm gonna have to work as soon as I leave anyway, so what's the point in exams? I know you don't mean that.
Missy! Here.
I'm already a year behind.
If that weren't shameful enough, I've been taken out of all the lessons I actually like.
Look, I'm sorry, miss, but have you seen that queue? If I don't crack on, Linda'll stick my head in the fat fryer.
- What do you want? - Sausage and egg, - please, love.
Two coffees, please - Yeah.
Hey.
Late.
What is this, Jordan? BLEATING What the ? Thank you, Thank you.
Razia? Wait there.
Hayley, off you pop.
Cheers.
And thank you! Sit down, Razia.
This is the third occasion you haven't handed in homework.
Have you even done it? Hmm? My head's just mashed, sir.
I've just found out my dad's leading a double life.
Two sets of kids, and two wives.
And two Sky contracts.
Are you still sleeping with him? Only on days ending in Y.
Usually about 200 Don't think I can do 200.
Missy Booth is skipping school to work on a blooming burger van.
Being pulled from Drama has really demoralised her.
Well, that, or she wants a new pair of trainers.
I just don't think this plan of yours is working, Mand.
I mean, the students hate you.
And the teachers You blame them for the poor mock exam results, and they hate you and all.
But I've come up with an idea.
To unite them.
In What, hating me? Liking you! A play.
A proper production.
OK.
Yes! But the minute, the minute I think it's interfering with their revision, or they start playing up, it's off.
No arguments.
He's here.
The farmer was threatening to go to the police.
An alpaca's apparently worth nearly a grand.
But Jordan returned them, so that's all taken care of.
However, it is, er It's not just the theft, Mr Wilson.
Breaching his detention order is serious.
He what? Basically, if Jordan does anything like this again, he will get put back into custody.
KNOCK ON DOOR Come in, sit down.
Right, listen, it's not all bad.
I mean, if he hadn't been taken out of Art, he would have been on track for a really good grade.
Why's he been pulled out of Art? Erm, well, we did sent letters out explaining It's the students who underperformed in their mocks, they're now having to concentrate on Maths, Science, English.
They're core subjects, so You failed your exams? They were mocks.
And he just didn't do as well as some of the other students in some of the subjects.
Mr Wilson, there is so much potential in Jordan.
There really is.
We just need to find a way to bring it out.
Yeah? Well, I can't even get him to stop eating crisps for breakfast.
Thanks.
Oh, right.
We had a family emergency.
Yeah, I can come in now.
All right, well, tomorrow, then.
Well, you said.
You said the job was in the bag OK.
Yeah.
OK, bye.
Sorry.
What for? Screwing up your exams? Having another jumped-up berk in a suit tell me where I'm going wrong? We can't pay our water bill, and you're running around after some tart's kid, risking prison again! You might be able to walk away, but I'm not.
Dad! Walk away? Cos that's what I do, is it?! That job was our last chance.
And you have ruined it.
You can't get a job cos you're a loser.
Stop it.
No! Do you know how much I can't stand this place? The carpet that always smells, the crap food, seeing your miserable face every day, complaining about how crap your life is, blaming everyone else.
No wonder Mum couldn't wait to leave us.
Dad! GROANS How come you're up so early? Couldn't sleep at all last night.
Thought you'd drag me out of bed, and all? SHE SIGHS This place I mean, to top it off, my mum has to live in the middle of nowhere.
What do you think of that butter? Erm good.
Yeah, good.
We made it on one of her lame mother-daughter bonding days.
I mean, we actually went to a farm and churned our own butter.
She probably read it in some parenting magazine that she found at the dentist's.
Thought it'd make up for years of selfishness and neglect.
SHE CHUCKLES - Cool.
- That's what Mum said.
Well, I'd best go before she sees us.
She's like a menopausal Grinch till she's had 14 lattes.
Plus she hates you.
Sorry about the cold toast.
It's all right, I'll see you in class.
If you ask me to cut the crusts, I'll cut something else off! I worked on a doughnut van one summer.
Put on two-stone in six weeks.
No fear of that here.
Think that's somewhere between rat and horse.
We are well, no, the school, not me, are putting on a show.
Every-year group, full production, music, choreography, the lot.
You've always being great at dance and drama, I thought you might want to take part? But I'm banned from them classes, Miss Carter, - what with me being thick as pig poo.
Yeah, well, we know that's not true.
- What play is it? - It's not yet decided.
But you would have to maintain 100% attendance.
Lead role? - Well, what if it's Joseph? - It's the 21st century, Miss Carter.
My amazing coat of many colours! I think we'll need a bigger bucket! Shannon? I thought you'd got Yeah, scabies yeah.
Right, I'll see you both in the morning.
All right, Linda! Just so you know, I won't be working school hours no more.
But your mum still owes I'll do it weekends and after school.
Yeah, and Britney Spears will be drawing a pension by the time - you've paid that telly off.
- It'll get paid sooner than you think, cos I'll ace my exams, then get an actual decent job, Linda.
Not like you, draining the life out of desperate skint folk! - There you go.
- Whatever.
Oh, they're stale! Well, too stale to feed the kids.
They're perfectly OK to be eaten.
Can I ? Could we talk can I just ? (HE LAUGHS) Can I talk to you about Razia? - What's she done now? - Nothing! Well nothing, no homework for ten days now.
And then, she concocted some outlandish excuse.
(SHE LAUGHS) Outlandish? Well, yeah, how your husband splits his time between you guys and and his other family in Bradford? HE LAUGHS How each one have got pregnant behind the other one's back? And how he lies that he's in Pakistan on business, but he's actually a few miles away watching the chase with the Parachas Mark II? It's true? Who knows? The man lies like the Tony Blair.
I'm so sorry! Do you want the bloody muffin or not? Yeah, I'll take the muffin.
INDISTINCT CHATTER CHATTER CONTINUES CHATTER DROWNS OU LAUGHTER ALL: Ohh! Hey, Wilson, what's going on? You can't leave till you've had a shower.
Shower, now! - Make me.
- Hey! Come on, Jordan.
Get off me! Touch me again! Jordan Jordan! Jordan, Jordan! Stop it! Stop it! Calm down, calm down, calm down To the office, all right? Just calm yourself.
To the office, to the office.
Mr Mohammed? Cheers, thank you.
Not you, and all? You know, I've just dragged your kid off of Mr Simpson.
He's refused to get in the shower after PE.
- Sir, just go easy on him, yeah? - Cory, go easy on him? Are you mad?! He's just nearly throttled a teacher! I mean what is going on? If your dad weren't raging yesterday, he's going to be now! You don't think he were mad enough, do you? What? Cos he were.
He was so mad, he gave our Jordan a proper kicking.
Why else do you think he wouldn't get in the shower? Cory? Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory Your dad has he done this before? If you don't talk to me I can't help you, so I didn't I didn't do anything.
I just stood there and watched him do it.
You think you can handle this, but you you can't, you know? You've got to let me help you.
It's never usually that bad.
But that that one, that was the worst.
It's usually just a few thumps and that, but (VOICE CRACKING) I'm sorry - Come here.
Come here, come here.
- I'm sorry HE SOBS (SOBBING) I don't want to hurt him.
- I don't know what to do any more, sir! - It's all right.
Please help please, I don't know what to do any more! - Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory - Please! - Cory, Cory, Cory - Please help! Help me! Calm down now - CORY SOBS - Cory, Cory, Cory Cory! Cory! There you go, don't wear it tomorrow.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Jordan's dad has battered him into next week.
What? Did Jordan tell you that? I dragged him into the office, didn't even ask.
She has got to be kidding.
Hey! Hello.
Hello, buddy! How we doing? Hey, what you doing here? What what are you doing here? I mean, I thought we said that I was going to get him from yours? Yeah, my friend's got to get back for their sitter at eight, so we thought we'd go out earlier.
Drop him back at eight-ish? I've got some lagers in, if you fancy staying.
I thought we agreed you weren't going to come here? Well that was when you guys, were together, so - I'll see you later, Steve.
- Yeah, see you later.
I'm here for the governors meeting.
About next year's budget.
- What? - Didn't they e-mail you? No no, and I'm busy tonight! I'm So I can see.
Hey, Mr Bell.
He's the spit of you.
- BOY CRIES - Come on, buddy, come on! Let's get you out of school, eh? Come on.
Aww! I think that's fantastic, how you're all working together like reasonable adults, for the sake of the baby.
She's not a reasonable adult! She's a she's a sly, home-wrecking netball teacher! What do you want?! Hang on, you little rat! Right, go on! Babes I'm really sorry! - You got our telly? - And our hairdryer?! OK, he's already sold them, but he's going to pay his debt himself, aren't you? You're moving back in? If you'll have me? - Right, and ? - And I'll give every penny I make Scrounge! to loan shark Linda.
Right, so you can get off that stupid van? I only did it for me mum.
She needed a new tumbler.
No way! Out, out! Whoa! - We don't need him, or you! None of you! - Me? You think I'd fall at your feet for dragging this lowlife back here? - Get out! - You ungrateful cow! Don't you speak to her like that! But I was trying to say thank you for helping with Nas - But Missy, I love him! - How many times, Mum?! We're fine on our own! I'll be quick.
Come between me and Steve again, and I will finish you.
The agreement is that he's allowed to see his son, - as long as I don't have to see you! - So, you're back together? - Funny, he never mentioned it.
- Cos it's none of your business.
To be fair, I thought you'd be in your office.
Steve always said you're more into work than him.
What, that gave you a free pass to have sex with my husband, did it? What makes you think it's not the other way around? Maybe Steve's the one chasing me? Recognise this? Poor Steve.
Look, if he has taken you back, I'll give it till summer.
- Once the trust's gone - Stop with the texts, and stick to the plan! That way, your son's happy, Steve's happy, and I don't get done for ABH.
Nice shoes.
This one of yours? Hey look, Jordan I'm sorry about what happened to you.
You'd do same thing, if someone spoke to you like that.
I wouldn't not my kid.
You don't even know your kid.
You know you always were Mum's favourite, you You know that, don't you? Maybe that's why he hates me.
HE SCOFFS He doesn't hate you, Jordan.
I'm going to stay out of his way, anyway it's fine.
What, in your own house? Look, maybe some of this is my fault.
- But we need to do something about it.
- What's there to do about it? Mr Bell.
You trust him, don't you? HE SNIFFLES He said he'd support us.
How? We need to tell someone, yeah? Tell the police something.
This has got to stop, yeah? CAR HORN HONKS Jordan.
Jordan? CAR HORN HONKS MUSIC: Local by Blazer Boccle Cos yeah, it's grim up north, Bear big gold rings up north Bear things that cling up north, Big barrels that spin up north S'all right, let me just talk, And tell you lot it's grim up north Yeah all right.
I swear I'm, I swear I'm Yo, I'm here, I'm local I'm here, I'm local And if you don't like me, please be vocal Just give me a shout, cos I'll be about Come meet me now, I'm local I'm here, I'm local Yeah, I swear I'm there, I'm here, I'm local Jordan? I'm sorry! I'm sorry, and Steve, I'm SHE SIGHS And I'm embarrassed! Steve, everyone's on my case.
Sadiq, the governors, Emma! I went in too hard on the kids.
I mean, you saw it, one of them tried to have my eye out with a satsuma.
Yeah, well, you could look after yourself, Mandy.
- Yeah, but I miss you doing it.
- Oh! So, that's it? You're on the ropes, you just miss your cornerman - pushing you back in the ring? - No! No! I miss you.
You read these texts I sent back to Claire, yeah? - Oh, yes.
- Yeah, yeah.
So, you know I am not interested in her? But you share a child! I mean, you share an actual person! It's not like an en-suite or a car, is it? It's a child! So, I got paranoid! I did, and I just so I went down there You got paranoid, you went down there and you warned her off It's not funny.
Steve, honestly, it's not, it's embarrassing.
Mandy, all she ever talks about is working tax credits and netball bibs.
You are You're a legend.
And you know what? I quite like it when you get jealous.
I do.
Makes me think that you might still want me.
Well SHE LAUGHS Will you move back in? - Take it a day at a time.
- Yeah.
Razia, perfect! Just Miss Paracha, please.
Could you collect the jars from the cabinet, and place them one for each pair, please? Right.
CHAIRS SCRAPE AGAINST FLOOR Thank you! Help your friend, Hayley.
What? No-one's ever bought you flowers before? Huh? No.
It's like Morrisons Flower Market in my home.
Why you think all my kids have hay fever? HE LAUGHS Listen I think we've got a problem with Razia, beyond the family situation.
I think she might need extra educational support.
What are you talking about? Have you heard of Dyspraxia? It's a It's a glitch between the thought and the action.
It can cause scatterbrain, you know, forgetting her homework Her poor co-ordination, her clumsiness.
She fell off her chair today.
- She's always been a bit daft.
- Yeah, but - she can't walk in a straight line.
- She can! It's very easy to miss! You saying my daughter has special needs, and I don't bloody notice it? No, of course not! No, don't - Please, don't blame yourself.
- BELL RINGS I've performed some ad hoc tests of my own, and I think she needs to be assessed by a professional.
She's not a bloody monkey, she's my daughter! And if she has a problem, I'm going to it sort! I don't need you in my family business! - I'm - And take these, as well! Hayley, get off me! INDISTINCT CHATTERING - Takes a queen to know a queen! - THEY LAUGH I'm sure your name and number's on the toilet wall! How come, when you're still in nappies? ALL: Wahh! CHATTER DROWNS OU OK, everyone, exercise books out! And opened, please! And write down what you think "subliminally" means So, it's Miss Carter, me, Mr Qureshi, it's nothing too formal.
Yeah she's going to ask you exactly what happened - BELL RINGS - just to have it in writing.
And she might ask you a few more questions, but you can stop at any time, you know? You and Cory, you can leave everything else up to us.
Listen, kid I'm not a total idiot, I do know how hard this is.
OK? That's all any of us care about, social services, the police, We just want to make sure that this never happens again.
All right? You ready? No I'm not doing this.
Hey, listen! We do this, together! Jordan, listen, your dad needs to know that this is - not acceptable behaviour - It were Cory! He did it, he beat me up.
- He's lying.
- No.
No way, Jordan.
No, Jordan! Jordan! - Steve, mate, you can't force him.
- The kid's lying, he's terrified! We can't barge into their house and start laying down the law, can we? No, it's got to come from him.
Until they make a complaint, there's nothing we can do.
- We just have to watch and wait.
- Yeah, and we just stand by, let them go back there.
Sorry, guys, sorry.
Hey, Missy, can you come out? Come out! - Burger? - Yes, please.
For here? SHE LAUGHS SHE LAUGHS You got this for me? - Like, for forever, not just today? - If that's what you want.
Why? I kicked you out me house.
(HE LAUGHS) Oh, erm Did I say that right? (HE LAUGHS) And you're way too classy to be weeing in a bucket.
I am 17.
What do you want, vodka and Coke? THEY GIGGLE SHE SIGHS How are you feeling? Hmm? No matter what happens out there, us four - And Nanna! - us five, we are unbreakable.
- Not like Mrs Ferreira's window.
- That wasn't me! She saw you! SHE SIGHS I should have spoken to you before.
You've all had a shock.
But your father will always be your father.
That's why, if you want to see him, you see him.
Hmm? OK.
- And what about you? - Me and him over, finished forever, that's But if you want to see the other children - you can.
- Really? But Nas said she wouldn't spit on Aaron if he was on fire.
No, I said he's the same as any stranger.
Nobody is spitting on any strangers, OK? Any brother's better than this one.
- Shut up! - Aaron's not our brother! Listen! My kids are bloody brilliant.
No wonder he wants to get to know you! Mum, but we don't care about them, do we? But in the future, if you've got anything on your mind you want to talk about, you talk to me, OK? About anything.
- About anything? - That's what I just said.
SHE LAUGHS OK, well YouTube has called, and it wants its Pakistani life coach back! (SHE LAUGHS) And I have got homework to do.
Me, too.
Mr Hyatt reckons I've got special needs.
You leave that bloody Mr Hyatt to me! SHE SCOFFS
He's your dad, right? I'm your brother.
- You've got a kid to think about.
- He's not mine, Candice.
He's Cory's.
I'm going to have to pull all low achievers - out of non-core subjects.
- What's that going to do - to their self-esteem? - I might as well drop my CV off at the chicken shop and be done with it.
We'll have to go halvsies on a roll-up.
- What, you and Will? - I've really got to go.
SPRAYS PAIN Jordan! I thought you and Cory might want to come to Jamie's Christening, with him, like, you know, creating him and that.
Crisps for breakfast? Nice.
You had chicken korma for breakfast.
So? Literally ruining my life, Miss! - All of it.
- Oh! Thank you.
And the eyebrows.
Er, Olivia Worthington, I'll have those hoops, please.
Let's get smart! Er, Chloe this is too much.
I'll have that, thanks.
And tuck your shirt in, please.
Thank you.
- Can we tuck these shirts in? - Right.
Smarten up your ties.
Thank You.
Yeah, the students have been embracing it Mr Simpson, can you escort him to my office, please? You know, in some schools, that could've been a petrol bomb.
Hey, Jordan! You think I'm going to ruin my life for a two-minute grope? You're dumber than you look, kid.
It's all right.
He don't need you, anyway.
Oh, yeah, cos you're such role model? Eh? Getting banged up over Christmas, doing a dealer's dirty work! - CROWD YELLS - Go on, lose it, Jordan! You're just like your dad! Incoming! Go on, lose it! Scram! There's nothing about you I'd keep! - Go on! Just like him! You're just like him! - Cory! Cory! - You're just like Dad! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, hold it.
Come here.
- Go ahead! - Come here, come here.
Get to class.
Calm down.
Get to class.
Get to class! Would you rather go to Miss Carter's office? Get to class! Now! Nas! I thought we could talk.
Erm, I'm late.
Come on, Missy! How long does it take to yank yourself a top knot? - But I could drop you.
- Yes.
You were just moaning about being late.
Look, I, I don't want to talk, OK.
I don't want a lift.
Just, please, leave me alone, OK? All of us! She just needs to move from shock to acceptance, like my nana when George Michael came out.
HE LAUGHS - You really care about her, don't you? - Er I don't know what that is.
Proper gora, you.
Didn't Mr Paracha teach you none of the lingo? Er, does, "I'm off to Pakistan"? That count? Missy! Look, I can't promise now.
Nas can be a stubborn cow.
Must run in the family.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God! Check out Riz! WHISPERING: My eyebrows.
My eyebrows, my eyebrows, my eyebrows.
My eyebrows? Looking good, Alya! New hijab? Hi, Cory.
Learned how to spell "condom" yet? THEY ALL CHUCKLE Nice.
He give you the invite? To your son's christening? - Hey, I didn't know you were a dad.
- Neither does his kid.
Miss Pararcha, Miss Booth! Join us, why don't you? Today, we are going to explore infections.
Bacteria.
Viruses.
Fungi! Soz! TEACHER CLEARS THROA Done? Back to work.
I'm sorry about Cory.
He were, erm he was just showing off.
He will be there.
Yeah, right.
The Wilson brothers, eh? He's a joke and you're some some wannabe corner boy.
Yo, Hayley! Sir! That's bullying.
All right.
Bacteria multiply in areas that are My dad said he'd go halves for the christening.
Jamie were bawling his eyes out on the bus the other day, and your dad straight up blanked us.
And now he wants to play grandpa? People change.
The spread can be contained by keeping the conditions clean I got that for you as well.
Could you, erm, lend us 100? MAN LAUGHS Pay back what you owe, and then we'll talk, yeah? Thought any more about that Aaron? What? You mean the product of my dad's disgusting betrayal? Right.
- He seems OK to me.
- Mm.
I don't know, Missy.
I need a girlfriend, not another relative.
Oh, no.
- Oh.
Oh.
- Please! mountain, I want to bathe with you What kind of bloke just ups and goes without even a note? Not even a poxy text, Kaneez.
Snakes don't send texts.
They're too busy crawling in dirt with other snakes.
You've got to get stick and smash its bloody head in.
Simone, you will meet someone else.
You always do.
SOMEONE KNOCKS ON DOOR Simone! I know you're in there! I can hear them sappy tunes right down Blackymore Street.
WHISPER: You never got another loan?! WHISPER: Where do you think massive telly came from? Craig wanted HD.
WHISPER: Craig's gone! WHISPER: So's bloody TV.
Missy, is that you? Are you in there? Come on love, you know me.
I'm just going to keep coming back until I get dealt with.
I'm like thrush.
C'mon, Missy, love, I think I've got a way we can sort this out.
Leave my girls out of it, Linda.
It's my debt.
Well, it's either Missy or a late payment fee plus a week's worth of interest.
TV PLAYS SOFTLY I've got fish and chips here for you.
You better get in quick before Fatboy Slim has them all.
HE CHUCKLES Hey.
You want to know much about life John Wayne.
Learn all of it off him.
IMITATING JOHN WAYNE: There are some things in life a man just can't run away from.
HE CHUCKLES His favourite film's The Smurfs, Dad.
Hey, I've got a trial at a new warehouse outside town.
Proper sick pay, proper holidays, none of this zero hours crap any more.
Do you reckon you'll be able to give Candice some money for the christening for baby? Do you ever just keep your mouth shut? No, just cos what you said about not running away and John.
I don't know, John what's-his-name.
Wayne.
John Wayne.
HE CHUCKLES He's a Sheriff.
He's a Sheriff.
She don't know who that kid's dad is any more than I do.
If she wants to destroy my lad's life as well as her own no, no, I'm not having it.
Just stay away from her.
Both of you, all right? Stay away.
TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS Hey! How are you? Whoa, whoa! Candice! Sorry about An uncle's better than no-one, even if he's in his school shirt.
My brothers said you'd brick yourself.
Went all in now your dad's going halves.
Want to hold him for a pic? Yeah.
Yeah.
- Are you able to take a photo? - Yeah, of course I can.
Aww.
Smile, Jordan.
Oi! You got the cash? We've got to pay White Tony for the booze.
I better get off, cos I'm, er I'm going to have to go.
Probation.
So Jordan! 30 stinking quid? 50/50, you said! I thought you meant cans and crisps.
He's not Prince George, is he? Come on.
What you doing? Candice! Get off! SOMEONE BANGS ON DOOR Hey, man.
- Oi! Oi! - Two hundred quid, you clowns.
You've got till Monday, or our mum'll use your kneecaps for earrings.
Great.
So, now you're in debt to those pair of thugs? - Dad told you to stay away! - So don't tell him.
What? You're just going to sort them by yourself? No.
You're going to help me.
What? Ah, you and your crap ideas.
Hey, how much are they worth again? At least 1,000! - This one here! - Jordan, you muppet! THEY LAUGH Hurry up! All right, come on.
Jordan, don't leave me on this! Whoa! THEY LAUGH You've taken away their favourite lessons, Mandy.
And their eyebrows, they're bound to be a bit aggy.
TEXT ALER Well, if they don't pass their exams, there won't be any lessons, - will there? There won't be any school.
- - - Don't mind me.
It's Claire.
She just wants to know if I can have Zak tomorrow night.
What, at Will's place? Well, it is where I live, Mandy.
She's gonna give herself repetitive strain.
PHONE RINGS Hello.
Yeah, put him through.
Hello.
A what? Alpaca? Reckon he's talking to the farmer? He doesn't know they're stolen.
Well, he's nodding his head.
Is that good? Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Hurry up! Come on! Made it, bro! Hey, come on.
We need to go.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Right, I'm off.
How long's she got you in here for? I'm paying off a telly the size of Blackpool, so till I'm 40? What about you? Three more weeks.
It's bang out of order.
She gets daughters to do it so that pervs can leer at us.
I'm gonna have to pee.
What's the quickest way to services? HORN Sicko! Hey-ho, Missy - Oh.
Oh No, no - What is that? Is that your wee? No, no, no! What, are you off your nut, Missy?! That's disgusting.
I'm so sorry.
Right, that'll help.
What you doing here anyway? Well, you went AWOL, didn't you? And have you spoken to Nas yet? - I've got enough on my plate with my own family.
- Like what? My mum's ex left her with more than a love bite.
I'm stuck here til his debt's paid off.
Here.
You're way too smart to be bunking off school.
I'm in the dibby class, mate, with all the other losers.
Hey! Come on.
You know you're not a loser.
I stink of burgers.
Oh, right, well try having some real problems because I smell of your wee.
Well, I think it's your wee.
I mean, I don't know, it kind of smelt like a horse or a bear or something Right, well, I better go but, erm Thanks for the shower.
Missy! Did my mum tell you I'm here? It doesn't matter how I know.
You can't just bunk off school cos you're sulking.
I'm here cos I've gotta be, miss.
What about your GSCEs? I'm gonna have to work as soon as I leave anyway, so what's the point in exams? I know you don't mean that.
Missy! Here.
I'm already a year behind.
If that weren't shameful enough, I've been taken out of all the lessons I actually like.
Look, I'm sorry, miss, but have you seen that queue? If I don't crack on, Linda'll stick my head in the fat fryer.
- What do you want? - Sausage and egg, - please, love.
Two coffees, please - Yeah.
Hey.
Late.
What is this, Jordan? BLEATING What the ? Thank you, Thank you.
Razia? Wait there.
Hayley, off you pop.
Cheers.
And thank you! Sit down, Razia.
This is the third occasion you haven't handed in homework.
Have you even done it? Hmm? My head's just mashed, sir.
I've just found out my dad's leading a double life.
Two sets of kids, and two wives.
And two Sky contracts.
Are you still sleeping with him? Only on days ending in Y.
Usually about 200 Don't think I can do 200.
Missy Booth is skipping school to work on a blooming burger van.
Being pulled from Drama has really demoralised her.
Well, that, or she wants a new pair of trainers.
I just don't think this plan of yours is working, Mand.
I mean, the students hate you.
And the teachers You blame them for the poor mock exam results, and they hate you and all.
But I've come up with an idea.
To unite them.
In What, hating me? Liking you! A play.
A proper production.
OK.
Yes! But the minute, the minute I think it's interfering with their revision, or they start playing up, it's off.
No arguments.
He's here.
The farmer was threatening to go to the police.
An alpaca's apparently worth nearly a grand.
But Jordan returned them, so that's all taken care of.
However, it is, er It's not just the theft, Mr Wilson.
Breaching his detention order is serious.
He what? Basically, if Jordan does anything like this again, he will get put back into custody.
KNOCK ON DOOR Come in, sit down.
Right, listen, it's not all bad.
I mean, if he hadn't been taken out of Art, he would have been on track for a really good grade.
Why's he been pulled out of Art? Erm, well, we did sent letters out explaining It's the students who underperformed in their mocks, they're now having to concentrate on Maths, Science, English.
They're core subjects, so You failed your exams? They were mocks.
And he just didn't do as well as some of the other students in some of the subjects.
Mr Wilson, there is so much potential in Jordan.
There really is.
We just need to find a way to bring it out.
Yeah? Well, I can't even get him to stop eating crisps for breakfast.
Thanks.
Oh, right.
We had a family emergency.
Yeah, I can come in now.
All right, well, tomorrow, then.
Well, you said.
You said the job was in the bag OK.
Yeah.
OK, bye.
Sorry.
What for? Screwing up your exams? Having another jumped-up berk in a suit tell me where I'm going wrong? We can't pay our water bill, and you're running around after some tart's kid, risking prison again! You might be able to walk away, but I'm not.
Dad! Walk away? Cos that's what I do, is it?! That job was our last chance.
And you have ruined it.
You can't get a job cos you're a loser.
Stop it.
No! Do you know how much I can't stand this place? The carpet that always smells, the crap food, seeing your miserable face every day, complaining about how crap your life is, blaming everyone else.
No wonder Mum couldn't wait to leave us.
Dad! GROANS How come you're up so early? Couldn't sleep at all last night.
Thought you'd drag me out of bed, and all? SHE SIGHS This place I mean, to top it off, my mum has to live in the middle of nowhere.
What do you think of that butter? Erm good.
Yeah, good.
We made it on one of her lame mother-daughter bonding days.
I mean, we actually went to a farm and churned our own butter.
She probably read it in some parenting magazine that she found at the dentist's.
Thought it'd make up for years of selfishness and neglect.
SHE CHUCKLES - Cool.
- That's what Mum said.
Well, I'd best go before she sees us.
She's like a menopausal Grinch till she's had 14 lattes.
Plus she hates you.
Sorry about the cold toast.
It's all right, I'll see you in class.
If you ask me to cut the crusts, I'll cut something else off! I worked on a doughnut van one summer.
Put on two-stone in six weeks.
No fear of that here.
Think that's somewhere between rat and horse.
We are well, no, the school, not me, are putting on a show.
Every-year group, full production, music, choreography, the lot.
You've always being great at dance and drama, I thought you might want to take part? But I'm banned from them classes, Miss Carter, - what with me being thick as pig poo.
Yeah, well, we know that's not true.
- What play is it? - It's not yet decided.
But you would have to maintain 100% attendance.
Lead role? - Well, what if it's Joseph? - It's the 21st century, Miss Carter.
My amazing coat of many colours! I think we'll need a bigger bucket! Shannon? I thought you'd got Yeah, scabies yeah.
Right, I'll see you both in the morning.
All right, Linda! Just so you know, I won't be working school hours no more.
But your mum still owes I'll do it weekends and after school.
Yeah, and Britney Spears will be drawing a pension by the time - you've paid that telly off.
- It'll get paid sooner than you think, cos I'll ace my exams, then get an actual decent job, Linda.
Not like you, draining the life out of desperate skint folk! - There you go.
- Whatever.
Oh, they're stale! Well, too stale to feed the kids.
They're perfectly OK to be eaten.
Can I ? Could we talk can I just ? (HE LAUGHS) Can I talk to you about Razia? - What's she done now? - Nothing! Well nothing, no homework for ten days now.
And then, she concocted some outlandish excuse.
(SHE LAUGHS) Outlandish? Well, yeah, how your husband splits his time between you guys and and his other family in Bradford? HE LAUGHS How each one have got pregnant behind the other one's back? And how he lies that he's in Pakistan on business, but he's actually a few miles away watching the chase with the Parachas Mark II? It's true? Who knows? The man lies like the Tony Blair.
I'm so sorry! Do you want the bloody muffin or not? Yeah, I'll take the muffin.
INDISTINCT CHATTER CHATTER CONTINUES CHATTER DROWNS OU LAUGHTER ALL: Ohh! Hey, Wilson, what's going on? You can't leave till you've had a shower.
Shower, now! - Make me.
- Hey! Come on, Jordan.
Get off me! Touch me again! Jordan Jordan! Jordan, Jordan! Stop it! Stop it! Calm down, calm down, calm down To the office, all right? Just calm yourself.
To the office, to the office.
Mr Mohammed? Cheers, thank you.
Not you, and all? You know, I've just dragged your kid off of Mr Simpson.
He's refused to get in the shower after PE.
- Sir, just go easy on him, yeah? - Cory, go easy on him? Are you mad?! He's just nearly throttled a teacher! I mean what is going on? If your dad weren't raging yesterday, he's going to be now! You don't think he were mad enough, do you? What? Cos he were.
He was so mad, he gave our Jordan a proper kicking.
Why else do you think he wouldn't get in the shower? Cory? Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory Your dad has he done this before? If you don't talk to me I can't help you, so I didn't I didn't do anything.
I just stood there and watched him do it.
You think you can handle this, but you you can't, you know? You've got to let me help you.
It's never usually that bad.
But that that one, that was the worst.
It's usually just a few thumps and that, but (VOICE CRACKING) I'm sorry - Come here.
Come here, come here.
- I'm sorry HE SOBS (SOBBING) I don't want to hurt him.
- I don't know what to do any more, sir! - It's all right.
Please help please, I don't know what to do any more! - Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory, Cory - Please! - Cory, Cory, Cory - Please help! Help me! Calm down now - CORY SOBS - Cory, Cory, Cory Cory! Cory! There you go, don't wear it tomorrow.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Jordan's dad has battered him into next week.
What? Did Jordan tell you that? I dragged him into the office, didn't even ask.
She has got to be kidding.
Hey! Hello.
Hello, buddy! How we doing? Hey, what you doing here? What what are you doing here? I mean, I thought we said that I was going to get him from yours? Yeah, my friend's got to get back for their sitter at eight, so we thought we'd go out earlier.
Drop him back at eight-ish? I've got some lagers in, if you fancy staying.
I thought we agreed you weren't going to come here? Well that was when you guys, were together, so - I'll see you later, Steve.
- Yeah, see you later.
I'm here for the governors meeting.
About next year's budget.
- What? - Didn't they e-mail you? No no, and I'm busy tonight! I'm So I can see.
Hey, Mr Bell.
He's the spit of you.
- BOY CRIES - Come on, buddy, come on! Let's get you out of school, eh? Come on.
Aww! I think that's fantastic, how you're all working together like reasonable adults, for the sake of the baby.
She's not a reasonable adult! She's a she's a sly, home-wrecking netball teacher! What do you want?! Hang on, you little rat! Right, go on! Babes I'm really sorry! - You got our telly? - And our hairdryer?! OK, he's already sold them, but he's going to pay his debt himself, aren't you? You're moving back in? If you'll have me? - Right, and ? - And I'll give every penny I make Scrounge! to loan shark Linda.
Right, so you can get off that stupid van? I only did it for me mum.
She needed a new tumbler.
No way! Out, out! Whoa! - We don't need him, or you! None of you! - Me? You think I'd fall at your feet for dragging this lowlife back here? - Get out! - You ungrateful cow! Don't you speak to her like that! But I was trying to say thank you for helping with Nas - But Missy, I love him! - How many times, Mum?! We're fine on our own! I'll be quick.
Come between me and Steve again, and I will finish you.
The agreement is that he's allowed to see his son, - as long as I don't have to see you! - So, you're back together? - Funny, he never mentioned it.
- Cos it's none of your business.
To be fair, I thought you'd be in your office.
Steve always said you're more into work than him.
What, that gave you a free pass to have sex with my husband, did it? What makes you think it's not the other way around? Maybe Steve's the one chasing me? Recognise this? Poor Steve.
Look, if he has taken you back, I'll give it till summer.
- Once the trust's gone - Stop with the texts, and stick to the plan! That way, your son's happy, Steve's happy, and I don't get done for ABH.
Nice shoes.
This one of yours? Hey look, Jordan I'm sorry about what happened to you.
You'd do same thing, if someone spoke to you like that.
I wouldn't not my kid.
You don't even know your kid.
You know you always were Mum's favourite, you You know that, don't you? Maybe that's why he hates me.
HE SCOFFS He doesn't hate you, Jordan.
I'm going to stay out of his way, anyway it's fine.
What, in your own house? Look, maybe some of this is my fault.
- But we need to do something about it.
- What's there to do about it? Mr Bell.
You trust him, don't you? HE SNIFFLES He said he'd support us.
How? We need to tell someone, yeah? Tell the police something.
This has got to stop, yeah? CAR HORN HONKS Jordan.
Jordan? CAR HORN HONKS MUSIC: Local by Blazer Boccle Cos yeah, it's grim up north, Bear big gold rings up north Bear things that cling up north, Big barrels that spin up north S'all right, let me just talk, And tell you lot it's grim up north Yeah all right.
I swear I'm, I swear I'm Yo, I'm here, I'm local I'm here, I'm local And if you don't like me, please be vocal Just give me a shout, cos I'll be about Come meet me now, I'm local I'm here, I'm local Yeah, I swear I'm there, I'm here, I'm local Jordan? I'm sorry! I'm sorry, and Steve, I'm SHE SIGHS And I'm embarrassed! Steve, everyone's on my case.
Sadiq, the governors, Emma! I went in too hard on the kids.
I mean, you saw it, one of them tried to have my eye out with a satsuma.
Yeah, well, you could look after yourself, Mandy.
- Yeah, but I miss you doing it.
- Oh! So, that's it? You're on the ropes, you just miss your cornerman - pushing you back in the ring? - No! No! I miss you.
You read these texts I sent back to Claire, yeah? - Oh, yes.
- Yeah, yeah.
So, you know I am not interested in her? But you share a child! I mean, you share an actual person! It's not like an en-suite or a car, is it? It's a child! So, I got paranoid! I did, and I just so I went down there You got paranoid, you went down there and you warned her off It's not funny.
Steve, honestly, it's not, it's embarrassing.
Mandy, all she ever talks about is working tax credits and netball bibs.
You are You're a legend.
And you know what? I quite like it when you get jealous.
I do.
Makes me think that you might still want me.
Well SHE LAUGHS Will you move back in? - Take it a day at a time.
- Yeah.
Razia, perfect! Just Miss Paracha, please.
Could you collect the jars from the cabinet, and place them one for each pair, please? Right.
CHAIRS SCRAPE AGAINST FLOOR Thank you! Help your friend, Hayley.
What? No-one's ever bought you flowers before? Huh? No.
It's like Morrisons Flower Market in my home.
Why you think all my kids have hay fever? HE LAUGHS Listen I think we've got a problem with Razia, beyond the family situation.
I think she might need extra educational support.
What are you talking about? Have you heard of Dyspraxia? It's a It's a glitch between the thought and the action.
It can cause scatterbrain, you know, forgetting her homework Her poor co-ordination, her clumsiness.
She fell off her chair today.
- She's always been a bit daft.
- Yeah, but - she can't walk in a straight line.
- She can! It's very easy to miss! You saying my daughter has special needs, and I don't bloody notice it? No, of course not! No, don't - Please, don't blame yourself.
- BELL RINGS I've performed some ad hoc tests of my own, and I think she needs to be assessed by a professional.
She's not a bloody monkey, she's my daughter! And if she has a problem, I'm going to it sort! I don't need you in my family business! - I'm - And take these, as well! Hayley, get off me! INDISTINCT CHATTERING - Takes a queen to know a queen! - THEY LAUGH I'm sure your name and number's on the toilet wall! How come, when you're still in nappies? ALL: Wahh! CHATTER DROWNS OU OK, everyone, exercise books out! And opened, please! And write down what you think "subliminally" means So, it's Miss Carter, me, Mr Qureshi, it's nothing too formal.
Yeah she's going to ask you exactly what happened - BELL RINGS - just to have it in writing.
And she might ask you a few more questions, but you can stop at any time, you know? You and Cory, you can leave everything else up to us.
Listen, kid I'm not a total idiot, I do know how hard this is.
OK? That's all any of us care about, social services, the police, We just want to make sure that this never happens again.
All right? You ready? No I'm not doing this.
Hey, listen! We do this, together! Jordan, listen, your dad needs to know that this is - not acceptable behaviour - It were Cory! He did it, he beat me up.
- He's lying.
- No.
No way, Jordan.
No, Jordan! Jordan! - Steve, mate, you can't force him.
- The kid's lying, he's terrified! We can't barge into their house and start laying down the law, can we? No, it's got to come from him.
Until they make a complaint, there's nothing we can do.
- We just have to watch and wait.
- Yeah, and we just stand by, let them go back there.
Sorry, guys, sorry.
Hey, Missy, can you come out? Come out! - Burger? - Yes, please.
For here? SHE LAUGHS SHE LAUGHS You got this for me? - Like, for forever, not just today? - If that's what you want.
Why? I kicked you out me house.
(HE LAUGHS) Oh, erm Did I say that right? (HE LAUGHS) And you're way too classy to be weeing in a bucket.
I am 17.
What do you want, vodka and Coke? THEY GIGGLE SHE SIGHS How are you feeling? Hmm? No matter what happens out there, us four - And Nanna! - us five, we are unbreakable.
- Not like Mrs Ferreira's window.
- That wasn't me! She saw you! SHE SIGHS I should have spoken to you before.
You've all had a shock.
But your father will always be your father.
That's why, if you want to see him, you see him.
Hmm? OK.
- And what about you? - Me and him over, finished forever, that's But if you want to see the other children - you can.
- Really? But Nas said she wouldn't spit on Aaron if he was on fire.
No, I said he's the same as any stranger.
Nobody is spitting on any strangers, OK? Any brother's better than this one.
- Shut up! - Aaron's not our brother! Listen! My kids are bloody brilliant.
No wonder he wants to get to know you! Mum, but we don't care about them, do we? But in the future, if you've got anything on your mind you want to talk about, you talk to me, OK? About anything.
- About anything? - That's what I just said.
SHE LAUGHS OK, well YouTube has called, and it wants its Pakistani life coach back! (SHE LAUGHS) And I have got homework to do.
Me, too.
Mr Hyatt reckons I've got special needs.
You leave that bloody Mr Hyatt to me! SHE SCOFFS