Agatha Raisin (2016) s02e02 Episode Script

Left! I said left at the twirly lines and then right at the twizzly doodah.
Where's your sat nav? Well, I've not got one.
Well, I have, but it's on my moby.
Yeah, which hasn't had a signal since I don't know when.
Do you know what this is like? It's like we're in the middle of the Amazon instead of the Cotswolds.
Well, you said you wanted solitude.
I wanted a rural retreat to begin writing my first novel and let the muse descend, not leave civilization behind and live like Robinson Crusoe.
Well, we can turn back if you like.
Feh- feh- feh, puh- huh.
Feh.
What's that? - Right, "P.
H.
" - Yeah.
- Public House.
- Is it? It's a pub, innit, Agatha? It's - Oh, it's that way.
- that way.
- Pub! - Pub! Excuse me, I wonder if you could help us Let me get that one for you.
Yes, we're looking for Oberon Cottage.
- Old Mary Cutler's place? - Mm- hmm.
Hang a right at Puck's Lane.
At the end, you can't miss it.
Now, can I get you ladies anything first? No, no, no.
Uh, well don't let us keep you from your, eh you know, your work.
- Ohh! - Whoa.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I nearly tripped over your funny little housey thing.
- What is it? - A Fairy House.
A Fairy what? - Oh! - That's right.
Local legend has it they live 'round here.
Fairies.
What was she like? Stunning, I thought.
Her perfume smelled amazing.
Those blokes obviously thought so, too, didn't they? Completely ignored us.
It's a shame 'cause I quiet liked the, uh, moody- looking one.
Mrs.
Raisin.
Amy Redfern.
Welcome to Oberon Cottage.
I lit the fire for you.
The cottage dates back to the 17th century.
Oh, really? Aww.
Is that when it was last cleaned? This explains how everything works, inventory, et cetera.
The cottage used to belong to an elderly lady who passed away, Mary Cutler.
Oh, death by dust, was it? Oh, yes, we heard about her briefly in the pub.
Landlady seemed popular.
I suspect my husband was in there.
Scraggy beard, gamekeeper clothes? That woman has the morals of a tomcat.
And here's the garden.
Right, I'll leave you to it.
You've got my number.
Hey, Gem.
- Why don't you stay? - Oh no chance.
No.
Kyra's with her dad I'm on a promise with Brendan the Butcher, I am.
Well, slaughterman to be precise.
He works at the abattoir, anyway.
Good with his hands, apparently.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
Nah.
I got to go and tidy myself up.
- All right, bye then.
- All right, then, see you.
Girls night in, is it? Oh, um, yeah, I'm just feeding the cats, I am, while Aggie's away.
She's gone Fryfam to get away from the hustle and bustle.
Popcorn and box sets for the cats? Yeah.
Yeah they love it.
Um, that's, it's Kitty Corn.
And, uh, well, a bit of noise stops them from getting lonely "Breaking Bad"? Yeah, they're big fans.
- Afternoon, Sarah.
- Hello.
What's wrong with Mrs.
B? Oh yeah, um, it's 'cause of James.
He sent her a postcard saying he was coming back soon.
Right, well, I better be getting on, um, getting in, and getting on with it.
All right then.
See ya.
All right, I'm here, lovelies, with the box set you asked for.
Oh, stop winking.
Flirt! Aah! Oh, I suppose a brace of partridge and a pheasant isn't bad for an amateur.
I'm just trying to make you feel good.
Oh, Nige doesn't need any help feeling good about himself, do you darling? Well, how could I, darling, with you by my side? Eh Good.
Come and sit down here, darling, go on.
There we are.
Large gin and tonic, please, and don't hold back on the measures.
Coming up.
They not got homes to go to? Sometimes I wonder.
Agatha, right? Rosie.
You okay? Ahh.
Getting better by the second.
So you know all this Fairies faff.
I saw some little dancing lights at the bottom of my garden.
It's just fireflies, right? Because fairies don't exist, do they? There not real are they? Well, not that I'm bothered if you all think that they do 'cause You ever thought about publicizing it? It would be "The Fairies of Fryfam.
" It would I tell you, there would be bus loads, coach coach loads of people, just, trust me.
I worked in PR, so In fact, if anybody contact details.
Just, any anyone? Is that what you do now? No.
No.
Oh, no, no, no.
I packed up and moved to Carsely.
Writing my first novel, actually.
It's a bit of a murder mystery.
Yeah, in Carsely, I am something of a detective, you know.
Sorry to interrupt.
Rosie, darling, be a sweetheart and get me another large single malt, please.
Anyone else? Nigel? Lizzie? Psst.
Psst, hello, you? Detective lady.
I have to be quick.
Yeah, well.
Use the other cubicle then.
You're a detective right? Yes, I have been known to solve the odd mystery.
Although not usually at this point in time.
It's Tolly.
My husband.
He's having an affair with that hoe behind the bar.
- Rosie? - Yes! Don't be fooled by that act.
She's an evil harpy, and I'll pay you to prove it.
Oh, you see, the point is, I'm actually supposed to be here Tomorrow morning.
Manor House.
We can talk then.
Mum's the word.
Oh, No, no, no, no, no I can't.
Oh.
Signal.
Signal.
Oh.
Hi.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
He Oh, hey, how it going? Gem, can you hear m I can't.
I can't hear a thing.
Brilliant.
- How what? - Gem? Ho oh, I've got loads to tell you.
Um, yep, yep, yep.
Someone's pooch fouled the pavement, bit of a to- do actually, 'cause no one picked it up.
- Gem.
- Oh.
And there was this sexual assault incident at the duck pond.
Really? Some of those male ducks such tinkers, really rough, they were, like ganging up on one of the hens.
Gem! Will you shut up and listen? Okay.
You all right? No, I'm not all right.
This this place is weird, the people are creepy, and somebody is making effigies of me and sticking nails into me.
Oh, hey, that's nice.
No! It is not nice.
It is not nice at all Somebody wants rid of me! Ohh, oh.
Oh.
Aah! Ah! Oi! Should you not be at school or something? Thank you for coming.
Tolly's here, not to worry.
I think it will be good for you to see the whites of his eyes.
Shall we? Tolly, love, meet Agatha Raisin.
She's just popped 'round to say hello.
Hello.
You were in the pub.
- Yes, I was in the p - Yeah.
Me too.
Regrettably I stayed a bit late putting the world to rights.
Shall we? Oh, and this is Mrs.
J.
, our help and all 'round savior.
- Agatha.
- Hello.
Hello, dear.
- Stopping at Oberon, I gather.
- Yes, well, I Heard all about your detective novels, I have.
News travels.
Faster than the speed of light 'round here.
I love a good detective novel so you're more than welcome.
Cuppa tea? Oh cup of tea - would be lovely, Mrs.
J.
- Builder's? You look like a Builder's kind of girl to me.
The whites of his eyes? They're red.
What time did you get back last night? About 11:00.
Tolly stayed for a lock- in, says he was with Nigel.
I think Rosie.
What makes you so sure that it's Rosie? A woman just knows.
Coming home late, not being where he says he'll be.
All sensual and enticing with her sultry ways and provocative perfume.
Black Widow.
I bet it's expensive.
Where do you buy it? - Oh, no, she's a black widow.
- Oh.
She makes the perfume herself to ensnare men.
I just need proof.
And when you get it, then what? I fight for him, win him back.
What else is there? Ahh, there you are.
Wondered where you'd got to.
Your brew is ready.
We'll be in in a moment.
Lucy, how old are you? Do you not think you're a bit young for all of this? I mean, shouldn't you be out hashtagging or raving or something? It's not my kind of thing.
You wouldn't understand.
I came from nothing.
I don't want to go back.
Will you help me? Lucy! Please tell me that dreadful loudmouth woman has gone? Just about to.
I'd love to.
Uh, James.
Sarah.
I Got your postcard.
So you might be home soon? That's great.
Of course, you might change your mind, you know, adventurer that you are.
I mean, why even come home? Uh, anyway, let me know.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey! Are you responsible for this? No.
Rabbit for you.
I can skin it if you want.
What? No.
No.
Why? Just go on.
Leave.
Go on, take that thing with you.
Go on.
Aah! Aah! Ohh! It's me.
It's Charles.
What are you even doing here? I was bored.
Oh, so, I'm a cure for boredom now, am I? Well, I thought I'd pop up for a ride.
Beg your pardon? On my vintage 250.
There's always excitement wherever you are, Agatha.
And something has clearly got you rattled.
Share.
The village of the damned, that's what.
Usually people get welcomed to the countryside with cakes and chutneys.
I get this.
Some weird lights and a dead rabbit.
I must say, I am partial to a bit of rabbit.
Don't.
Do not even go there, Charles.
So what news from Carsely? None, really.
I just thought you might like a little bit of company, stuck out here all on your lonesome.
No, no, no, no, no.
No more swagger of the shagger, Charles.
I know we did the jiggy- jiggy thing Made love, Agatha.
And we agreed that it was not a good idea.
Terrible idea.
Nightmare.
Nightmare? What do you mean nightmare? Why? Why was it a Actually, don't answer that.
The point is we have moved on.
Ships that do that shippy thing in the night.
Absolutely.
So you can go and stay at the pub.
Actually, no, not the pub, because there's a stunning harpy, mermaid, Mata- Hari woman there who's luring men to their ruin.
Sounds good to me.
You can have the spare room here.
Although I do need to talk to her as part of my investigation.
Investigation? Excellent.
Should we go on the bike? What's with all the little people? I really wish I knew.
This whole place is a bit weirdy- woo.
Maniac! - You all right? - Yeah.
Bit early for a snifter innit? Sarah's worried about James.
Yeah, I'm worried he's gonna be vile to her like he was at the wedding.
You know, I'll never forgive him for that.
Well, now obviously, I have forgiven him, but it was really, really hard.
Well, maybe we can talk to him before she comes back.
Well, I'd hurry up if I were you.
She's having a bit of a wobble.
To be fair, they are sticking pins in effigies of her.
Are they? I've got a couple of days off.
Maybe I should go see her.
Maybe you both should.
My round, is it? I'm so sorry.
All right, love? Fancy some nice rabbit stew? Yeah, in a minute, mum.
Oh, nothing.
Oh, so that's where the local squirearchy live, is it? Nice pad.
Why are the gates open? Tolly.
He's dead.
- Mrs.
Raisin.
- Yes.
DCI Percy Hand.
DCI? Off duty in the pub, then, were we? Indeed.
And you are? Charlie Fraith.
Sir Charles Fraith, I think you'll find.
Yes, we were heading towards your local, heard Lucy scream, and ran inside, and there she was.
- Red- handed.
- Lucy? Yes, well What? No, really.
I mean, do you think so? Did you see anyone else? How was he, um? We'll need a full statement.
He's not going to solve a crossword puzzle, let alone a murder.
Seems pretty clear the wife did it.
She gets to inherit, I take it.
No, no, no.
Charles, she hired me to investigate.
Why's she gonna kill him? Don't make any sense.
Unless it was a crime passionelle.
- A cream what? - They row.
She's not thinking about the fact that she hired you.
She can't wait for proof.
She just wants to kill the bastard.
Charles, it's not her.
Cutting a throat is a male killing.
- Is it? - Yes.
How do you know? Because I read a book, a detective novel.
"Dial M For Macho" it is classic of the genre.
That's fiction.
Well, I think you'll find that fiction and reality have a funny way of crossing over.
Agatha? Agatha, you can't just swan on in there.
It's a murder scene.
That is exactly why I can swan on in there.
Where was Mrs.
J, the help? She might have seen something.
And why were those kids all skulking around? Whoo- hoo.
What have we here? A break- in? Or a broken flowerpot.
Dozens of them at mine.
I'll keep dixie.
You do that.
Look! Above the fireplace.
The painting has gone.
Big thing of a horse So, someone's moved it.
Stolen more like.
A burglary! Tolly disturbs them and Well, better tell the DCI then.
I'm not giving Hand a hand.
Not in any sense of the word.
They said very nasty, very swollen they were.
Said, "you know what? He's only 7 years old, shouldn't be that size, get him down the doctor.
" Right, you two, I need you to move that van out there.
- What van? - What do you mean what van? That van, big white, looks like a van.
That's right! Move! Move! What van? Oh, my God.
I'll tell you what.
That dog been here all day? That been here all day? If it's come in here and laid any of its mess around these carpets, we're absolutely plastered.
Tell you what though, this whole crime scene Oi, once the SOCO boys have finished downstairs, get them up here.
Start in the main bedroom.
Go on.
Yes, sir.
You go.
Well, it's only an hour if Aggie's not navigating.
Why don't we both go? As friends.
Because we're not friends, are we? We're more than that.
And I don't mean in a "more than just friends" kind of a way.
In what way then? Well, in a "we went on a couple of dates," your mother hated me 'cause she thought I wasn't good enough for you, and then when you and I got down and dirty, you couldn't light my fire" kind of a way.
Oh, besides, you know, I've got things to do here.
Haven't I, my lovely? Oh.
See, animals, you can trust.
Well, apart from Harvey over there, but in general.
Oh, don't you worry, my little duvet.
Time's a great healer.
Apparently.
So who's Fizz? Code for the woman that Tolly's having an affair with.
Keep up, Charles.
She's heard the rumor that he's dead, and she's madly ringing him, in the hope that he's gonna pick up.
Well, that could be anyone a concerned friend, a family member.
Nope.
I checked the call history.
No previous calls from Fizz.
Only the 18 this morning.
Yeah, so that's means that he was obviously deleting her calls on a regular basis.
You don't do that unless you're - You know what I mean? - So why don't we ring it then? Charles, all in good time, all in good time.
First of all, I want to find out exactly what everyone thinks that they know.
And how do we do that? Well using a centuries- old technique for extracting information.
Torture? Gossip.
Oh, have you heard? It's terrible, isn't it? I mean, why would Lucy do such a thing? Lucy, really? Do you think? Totally.
She was never one of us.
- Such anewcomer.
- Mm.
Really? How long do you think it would take for someone to be, you know, accepted here? Three, maybe four hundred years.
She never belonged.
And was ever so plain.
Thought she used to be a model.
Not top- flight or anything.
Not even second landing, really.
- Catalog stuff.
- Oh.
She did a shoot at the Manor House, though, - didn't she? - Sanitary towels, darling.
Still you know, in my experience, you never know with murder.
I mean, it could be anyone, anyone.
I mean, it could be I don't know.
It could be your husband, for example.
- I mean, where was he? - Out.
- Is he always 'out'? - Yes.
He's a gamekeeper.
What about Tolly then? I mean, who didn't like Tolly? Someone must have not liked him, 'cause I mean he was called "Tolly," for God's sake.
Barry.
Mrs.
J's son.
He was the gardener at the Manor House, but he got soft on Lucy.
Tolly sacked him on the spot.
Really? Did he now? Murder's clearly good for business.
Or are you always this popular? Gorgeous perfume, by the way I can smell it from here.
Charlie Fraith.
You a friend of Agatha's? Mm no.
I mean, not in the biblical sense.
Stop flirting and start asking about that stolen painting.
Whatever you do, don't knock into her fairy house, or there'll be a riot.
Go on, then.
Shoo.
Will do.
You might need to pay.
Can I ask you a question about Tolly? Sorry.
Bit busy at the mo.
Unless you want to join me.
Know how to pull a pint, do we? Listen, Twinkletoes, I grew up in Dumfries.
Of course I know how to pull a pint.
Two pints of Best then.
Fizz? Top shelf.
No, I mean, do you know anyone of that name? No.
Where were you when Tolly was killed? - Here.
- Anyone vouch for that? Because the Manor House is just up the road.
You could have been up there and back again in two minutes.
Is this you being a detective? Maybe.
So was Tolly part of your little harem? 'Cause I know he was here late last night for a lock- in.
Wrong.
He left seconds after Lucy.
Who with? I serve 'em drinks.
I don't sign them out.
And I don't do gossip.
Really? Well, Lucy thought that you two were having an affair.
Any other questions or can I get on and serve? Do you really make your own perfume? What you looking at? Baps.
- I beg your pardon.
- Two of them.
Cheese and pickle.
Your friend's death clearly not affecting your appetite then? Hey.
You're supposed to be working.
I am.
Listen.
Painting's a Stubbs.
Famous for his portraits of animals, horses, especially.
What's a man got to do to get a drink in this place? Bill! Oh, nice jacket.
Thanks.
Is this community service? Something like that.
Nigel wants to say a few words.
Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, one and all, of Tolly.
Today we are united in shock at the tragic events at the Manor House.
Tolly was a dear friend.
He was a good man.
and he will be sorely missed.
So, let's raise a glass to one of our own.
- To Tolly.
- To Tolly! Oh, for Hello? Fizzy Lizzie.
Okay, so.
Fingers here is the Murderer.
- But who is he? - Or she.
No, Bill.
The victim's throat was cut.
That's a male thing.
Fact.
Barry the ex- gardener's got to be in with a shout.
As has Major Speechmaker.
We think his wife was having an affair with victim Anatol.
- What? - Anatol.
Tolly.
Really? Well, could it not be the Major's wife? Tolly ends the affair, she's devastated.
Bill, we've established that the murderer can't be a woman.
Paul Redfern.
He hangs about with rabbits and guns.
Plus, I saw him lurking at the estate earlier so And Rosie, aww, the pub landlady.
I thought you'd ruled out women.
Yes, we had.
But Charles is really annoying me, so she's back in.
Huh! In 2011, a Stubbs painting sold at auction for ã22.
4 million.
What? It's getting like Piccadilly Circus around here.
The van.
Someone stole the painting between me being there first thing and then us heading to the pub when the van drove past.
So maybe the painting was inside the van.
So, we need to find out who the van belongs to.
What? Ta- da! I changed my mind.
Well, about bloody time.
What's in the basket? Ida, everyone.
Everyone, Ida.
I couldn't leave you there to that Harvey, could I, my lovely? - Lunch? - Shut your face.
Hi- ho.
That's dwarves, Gem.
Oh, there's been a murder? Are we expecting anybody else? Only there's somebody in the garden.
Caught! So, it was you then, was it, that stuck that doll to my door and tried to scare me with those funny, flicky little lighty things? So what is it your cooking up now, hmm? Buddleia.
Oh! Buddleia is it.
Buddleia.
What for? They attract butterflies.
I think he's the gardener, Agatha.
Barry.
Lights? Seen the Fairies then.
have we? The gnomes out front protect 'em and the cottage.
Except the gnomes are not from the otherworld, are they? They're from the garden center.
Each to their own, Mrs.
Raisin.
Hm, say that when Tolly sacked you from the Manor House, did you? You don't happen to have a white van, do you? Well, what do you know? Okay.
Great.
Thanks.
Lucy Trumpington- James has been released on bail.
I'll talk to her.
Right, Bill, Charles, find and stakeout Major Findlay and his wife.
- Gem? - I'll clean.
If we're gonna solve this, the place needs to be spick and span.
Roy.
Lucy Trumpington- James.
Maiden name not that.
Catalog modeling in the Cotswolds for sanitary towels.
We could be here hours.
Lunchtime drinking's a killer.
They'll be asleep.
Agatha okay? Sure.
Why did you come? I fancied hiding under a tree in the middle of the countryside.
Any other reason? No.
There.
Hello? They think Tolly disturbed a burglary.
That's why they bailed me.
Have they found the murder weapon? Don't think so.
When you went out riding, you didn't happen to see Paul Redfern, the gamekeeper, did you? Mrs.
J's boy, Barry? I hear he's got a bit of a crush on you.
Not reciprocated.
Must have been a pretty big job for him, working here.
Quite a blow to him financially, I would have thought.
Do you know how much the painting was worth? No.
I couldn't care less.
Tolly was all I cared about.
Even if there were three of us in the marriage.
What? What did you find out? It wasn't Rosie.
Then who? What is this place? That is a love nest.
Do you think? Believe me, I know a love nest when I see one.
Tolly.
So Tolly and Lizzie Findlay had themselves a little love shack away from prying eyes.
That reminds me.
What are the sleeping arrangements tonight? Right, lads, search the place from top to bottom.
Yes, sir.
UmTop.
Uh, excuse me? What are you doing? Have you got a warrant? I'm looking for stolen goods and a murder weapon.
Your fingerprints were all over the Manor House.
Mobile phone.
Know anything about that? No.
No.
Odd.
We pinged it to this location.
Oh.
Oh, look, fancy that.
Hey, hey, hey.
You can't read that.
"The Posh Guy Had It Coming" by Agatha Raisin.
"Unfeasibly unattractive aristocratic oik James Trumpington- Tolly a burke whose death was a godsend to humanity.
" Obviously, it's just the first draft.
Odd that you wrote this and then it happened, don't you think? No.
The other way round.
It happened, and then I wrote it.
Not according to the time printed on the bottom.
Sir.
A knife.
What? Where did you get Come upstairs, sir.
There, sir.
What are you doing in here? This is what we're doing in here.
Agatha Raisin, I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Tolly Trumpington- James.
Hi, guys.
It's me.
Uh, I hope everything's going well in Fryfam.
Let me know.
Bye.
Oh! Hello, Sarah.
Good to see you.
God.
You smell nice, love.
New perfume? Must be the shower gel.
Don't mind me.
Sarah.
Oh, yes.
Sorry for not getting back sooner.
Yeah, the reception's mad here.
What? - Is she's still in custod - Agatha? Was that oh, yea.
No, she's she's fine, I think.
I haven't actually seen her since last night on account of she was arrested.
Yeah, but has she been charged yet? Suspicion of murder.
Yeah, we don't think she did it.
It's hard to be 100 percent.
Oh.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
Looking for fairies, are we, Charles? Au contraire.
Looking for evidence of a hoax.
No, thank you.
Who said it's a hoax? It has to be.
We have to be logical.
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck and swims like a duck, chances are it's a duck.
So, do we have a plan? First stop, Major Findlay.
See what he knows about his wife's affair.
Any news on Agatha? They kept her in for questioning.
But she didn't steal the painting or kill Tolly, right? So someone's trying to frame her.
Maybe the whole village is in on it, you know, like in that movie.
But how, who, and why? Well, that Amy one, she's got a key.
The moody gardener, he clearly knows his way 'round a bush or two.
Although, I was here all day yesterday hoovering with my headphones on.
I would have noticed if someone would have come in.
But I didn't.
Oh, except for that gust of air that I felt.
So in conclusion, it's either definitely the police last night, or someone who might have sneaked in when I was hoovering.
Maybe.
Ah, it's great to be back.
How is everyone? More to the point, where is everyone? Oh, you know Carsely.
Same as ever, same old, same old.
it's actually a bit boring without - Agatha.
- Agatha? Yes.
Agatha.
Raisin.
Bundle of energy, impeccable sense of bad timing, tends to forget former marriages.
You know the one.
You can talk about her, you know.
She's away, I think.
I can't quite remember where now.
You're a terrible liar.
Well, Agatha's fine.
Let's just leave it there, shall we? She's in trouble then.
- Okay, what makes you say that? - Because it's Agatha, and because you are displaying all the usual signs of trying to cover for her not very well, I might add.
Well, I'm sorry, James.
I'm just not gonna tell you any more.
You and Agatha are over, aren't you? Yes.
So there we have it.
End of.
Fini.
You'll just have to take up golf or something.
This is going to be awkward.
Think Agatha.
Front it head on.
Tactless, you mean.
Well How can we help? DC Bill Wong, Evesham police.
We'd like to ask you a few questions about the death of Tolly Trumpington- James.
Oh no.
No.
Percy's dealing with that.
He is.
But some of the suspects come under the Evesham umbrella.
Fire away then.
Well, it's It's your wife that we need to speak to, really.
Nothing you can't ask in front of me.
Spit it out, man.
Is it about Lizzie and Tolly's affair? Oh, what? I'm not stupid.
All those furtive looks out hunting, the last- minute invitations to girls' nights out, the ripped underwear in the trash.
Where were you yesterday morning when Mr.
Trumpington- James was killed? There's a knocking shop in Stow.
Quid pro quo and all that.
Feel free to check.
- Hi.
- Hiya.
Hey.
That gnome looks an awful lot like Sarah, doesn't it? Sarah, hi.
What are you doing here? James is back.
Ah.
You didn't tell him where we were, did you? No.
No.
But I had to come.
I couldn't trust myself not to.
What do we tell Agatha? Nothing.
We mustn't.
Agreed? - Yeah, yeah.
- Absolutely.
- I agree.
- Yes.
Do we know his intentions towards Agatha? His what? Have you gone through a time tunnel or something? I've no idea what he's thinking.
You know I used to believe in fairies when I was little.
I really, really wanted to be Tinkerbell playing with Peter Pan and the Lost Boys.
Oh, I was Tinkerbell.
Except where I was, it was Peter Lang and the Radlett boys.
Shh.
Shh! Oh, they're here.
Hi- ho.
That's dwarves, Gem.
Oh! Oi! Oh Come on guys.
- Let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.
One crime solved.
Sadly.
Yeah.
Come on! Don't stop! Does this mean I am no longer a suspect? It means we can't charge you yet.
Our pathologist checked the knife wound that killed Tolly against the bread knife we took from your kitchen.
They're a perfect match.
But, for you to be letting me go, presumably this is because there's none of his blood or my DNA on it.
Meaning you cleaned it well.
Or your pathologist is wrong.
Do you know what I think? I don't think it's you that killed Tolly.
Oh well, at least we agree on something then.
And I'm prepared to forget all about your activities.
If Oh, God I feel there's an "if" coming.
- If - There it is.
If you just leave us be.
Funny.
Someone wrote that phrase on a note that was pinned to my door.
Know anything about it? Is that clear? Ah.
You smell familiar.
Get out.
Nose out, right? Heard you the first time.
I knew it.
DCI Hand.
I have no idea.
Oh.
It's Agatha.
She's out.
Gone undercover.
Oh, dirty girl.
Wants to know the news our end? I will sort that for you, Rose.
Time at the bar, ladies and gents.
Time at the bar.
- Cheers, Rosie.
- Night, Rosie.
- Thank you, Rosie.
- Night, Rosie.
Good night, Rosie.
I should have said something.
It's okay, Paul.
No, it's not.
Her life is ruined.
I should go to the police and take the knife.
Don't you dare.
Oh, I better go.
Before Amy suspects.
- Oh, God.
- Agatha? Aah! Shh! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Charles, why are you even here? Well, I was sleeping.
Well you're supposed to be sleeping in the spare room at the cottage.
Well, Gemma's in there, and I'm really not her type.
And what? Bill is in my bed? No, Bill's on the sofa.
Sarah's in your bed.
Sarah what? Why is Sarah here? I think she just missed us.
And I didn't fancy sharing with Bill on the sofa.
So I checked in.
- What's your excuse? - Me? Well, Hand dropped me off here, and then I smelled his perfume on him Not his perfume, Rosie's perfume on him.
So I I followed him here.
And, uh, then he left, and she came up here with Paul Redfern who started talking about the knife.
You know what? I think she's key.
She won't tell me anything, she refuses to gossip.
She gives nothing away.
And I'm just so tired.
- Long day? - Horrendous.
Oh.
You know what? I don't think I'm cut out for this.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Oh, I'm being serious, Charles.
I'm not a bad person.
Well, maybe I don't know.
I might maybe just a little bit.
You know what I mean.
I'm just trying to help.
I mean, that's not so bad, is it? Just I'm just not Hmm? Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not the way this day is supposed to end.
You came into my hotel room, Agatha? By accident, Charles.
Well, let's call it fate.
Mm.
Ohh Psst! Hey.
- Morning.
- Morning.
Right, come on you lot.
Murders to investigate, bodyguard required.
Over to you then, Bill.
Where are we going? To talk to a gamekeeper about a knife.
According to an eye- witness, Paul Redfern was in the pub, late last night and he knows something about the murder weapon.
Okay.
I'll just get my jacket.
So where did you get to, then, last night? According to an "eyewitness"? I think that's you, innit? - No.
- Yeah, it is.
But then why would you say that unless something did happen at the pub last night that you didn't want to talk about.
Oh, I wonder what that could be.
Oh, I know.
You slept with Charles.
It just happened.
Oh, it's all right, I lie about my love life.
I didn't go and see Butcher Boy in the end.
I chickened out.
I just went 'round yours and stuffed my face full of popcorn and crystal meth.
It's a box set.
So, we're quits now, innit? Charles all right? He's a little bit selfish and he does this funny thing with his No, I didn't mean in bed.
Oh, right.
Uh, he's, having breakfast.
Okay, right.
Here we go, then.
Kitchen Items and Cutlery.
Fully Forged Bread Knife.
Quantity Two.
Right.
Bill, can you find out who this cottage belongs to? Of course.
- Agatha! - Sarah.
Uh They told me that you had been arrested on suspicion of murder.
I just had to come and make sure you were okay.
Oh, right, I see.
So James is back then? Aggie! Agatha! Need some help with the war- paint? Uh, nope.
It's fine.
I've got it.
Work to do.
How is she? Yeah she'll be all right.
Yeah.
Oh it turns out I know Major and Mrs.
Findlay.
- Oh, saucy devil you.
- No.
Jez runs marriage counseling courses.
They didn't want to attend in their parish so they came to ours.
So I've arranged to meet Lizzie.
Good for you Mrs.
B.
Owner of Oberon Cottage.
You're kidding me.
Agatha.
Mr.
Redfern? Paul? Shotgun blast to the chest.
Another male murder.
Paul Redfern was up at the Manor House around the time of Tolly wotsit's murder.
Maybe he witnessed something.
Or found something.
Maybe the knife? Didn't stick to the deal, then? Well, someone's got to solve these murders, don't they.
Or are you going to try and pin this one on me as well? I'll do whatever I need to.
Riddle me this then, Percy boy.
According to the inventory at my cottage, there are two bread knives.
You lot took one.
Where's the other one? Taken by the same person or persons that planted the painting of a horse under my bed.
All very fanciful, Mrs.
Raisin, all very "Godfather.
" Is that right? Well, we shall see.
And of course it's not Agatha's cottage anyway, is it? It's yours.
Who is Old Mary Cutler, then? My mother.
So as owner of the Cottage, you would know how to get in and out and exactly what was on the inventory, wouldn't you? Now, I don't know whether you killed Tolly wotsit and now Paul Redfern.
But I'm gonna find out whether you like it or not.
Last warning, Raisin.
Don't interfere with police business.
Good luck with that.
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
Thanks.
May I But if you want to find out who killed your husband, you better start talking.
And I think I am a better bet than lover boy, DCI Percy Hand.
What are you talking about? You're wearing Rosie's perfume, which is odd considering you think she's got the morals of a tomcat.
A gift from Percy, am I right? I could smell it on him.
And here was you accusing her.
You don't know her like we do, sashaying around the village like Dita Von Teese.
So, two wrongs make a right, do they? Talk to me.
DCI Percy Hand How? Why? He was there for me when Paul wasn't.
I thought he was with Rosie and I weakened.
So did Paul know about your affair? I didn't think he did until this morning.
I think he smelled the perfume.
Sorry, the counseling didn't work out.
Wasn't your fault.
Or Jez's.
I I loved it here.
Didn't have to be a Major's dowdy wife.
I could be a someone else.
What will you do now? I gather Nigel's been understanding.
If regular visits to the knocking shop counts as understanding.
Uh, will you separate? God, no.
That would be far too much like hard work.
We'll just muddle along in tepid hatred.
You don't need to be doing this right now.
Yes, I do.
Lucy rang last night.
Figured out this is where we came, told me to get everything out before she burned it.
- It must be hard for her, too.
- Not really.
All she cares about is getting the painting back so she can sell it.
I'm sorry.
Which painting? It was going to go there.
So, if Paul Redfern knew about his wife's affair, then DCI Hand had a reason to silence him.
Exactly, so I need to find out precisely what Rosie knows.
You're sure you want to see her on your own? Yes.
Woman to woman.
You? We're going to talk to Mrs.
J.
- Are we? - Yeah.
Just asked at the Post Office.
She does the cleaning at the cottage.
Good, you can do some digging about Hand.
Will do, don't worry, she'll dish the dirt.
- She hates him.
- Really? - How do you know? - From her cleaning.
She sweeps dust under the carpet, she does not dispose of rubbish, she leaves rats to rot.
It's all the things I do when I don't like a client.
Is that what you do at mine? No, of course not.
Not yet anyway.
Any other little dirty tricks I should know about? Yeah.
Any cleaner worth their salt should always carry a three- in- one disinfectant spray to ward off any unwanted male friskiness.
Agatha? Don't don't mind me.
Sorry for interrupting.
- Agatha.
- Yeah.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Everything all right? - You know, interesting.
You? How was Lizzie Findlay? Heartbroken.
She told me something about the painting.
Did you know Lucy had it valued two weeks ago? No, I did not.
And that changes everything.
Oh, hi, yeah.
We're staying at Oberon Cottage.
Oh, yes.
Oh.
Like a read then, do you? Love a read.
Detectives mainly.
Hamish Macbeth's my favorite.
How can I help? You do the cleaning at the cottage, don't you? I do, indeed.
Well, it's just that Well, thing is, 'cause I clean myself, and you do all the things at Oberon that I do when I can't stand the client, which in this case is DCI Hand.
We just want to know what it is you don't like about him.
Well, it's the fairies, isn't it? Drives me nuts, it does.
He gets it from his mother.
Old Mary was away with the fairies in every sense but nice with it.
And Percy was, too, as a lad until his Dad made him grow up and become a copper.
Can't believe in fairies if you're a copper.
So he does believe in them? Like the rest of the village.
Fine by me, but insists we keep quiet about it.
Who's he to tell me what to do? That's why he wasn't happy when your Agatha started banging on about coach parties, advertising it.
Of course.
The irony is that the fairies don't exist.
It's just three local boys with flashing Christmas lights.
Proper gutted when I found out.
No.
That's Hand's kids.
Sent in as decoys by their Dad to send you away as skeptics.
Yes! Go away or I'll call the police.
Now why do that, all of a sudden? They brought my painting back.
You stole it.
Well, I think we both know that that is not true.
So why don't you just open the gates and let me through like you did when you let Barry Jackson drive through with the painting? Ah.
Returned to its rightful place then.
That's all you cared about, right? - Tolly's all I cared about.
- Really.
Well, not according to Lizzie Findlay.
You said that you didn't know how much that was worth.
And yet, according to Lizzie Findlay, you had it valued two weeks ago.
And you believe her? Herand a very good friend of mine, who checked out the modeling career of a certain Lucy Bagshot, a wannabe from a council estate in Clacton who would do absolutely anything to get out of there, because leaving that world behind matters more than any man.
Am I right? I can relate to that.
I didn't kill him.
No.
I don't think you did.
But why steal a painting that you knew you were about to inherit? This is about two separate crimes, as you well know.
And you committed one of them.
You stole that, didn't you? So what if I did? Tolly was gonna give it away.
I wasn't having that.
So you got good old besotted Barry the gardener to help? Which he did because he loved you.
Because he loved his job.
He tended his gardens here for years.
He wanted to get back at Tolly full stop.
So you go out riding, Barry steals the painting as agreed.
But then what? Tolly catches him in the act? Barry kills him, and then as he's leaving, Paul Redfern sees him all covered in blood or or trying to hide the murder weapon or something, which makes him a target.
Barry swears he didn't see Tolly.
He said he took the painting and left.
And you believe him? Where does Barry live? Back with his Mum these days.
Right.
Well, I want a word with him.
And don't warn him, unless you want Hand to know about the painting.
- Afternoon.
- Yeah.
Afternoon, Vicar.
- You all right? - Yeah.
I'm just going to talk to Barry who lives with his mother, apparently.
Oh, okay.
Only Mrs.
J lives back that way.
What? How come you ended up in Fryfam? I'm into all the pagan stuff standing stones, herbs, scents.
I feel grounded here.
Don't tell me you believe in fairies too? Why not? Chaucer, Shakespeare, and Coleridge did.
Intoxicated and/or deluded, every one of them.
Something of a speciality of yours, deluded men? Men are simple.
They just want someone easy on the eye they can tell their secrets to knowing that they'll go no further.
What about Paul? What was his secret? I told you.
I don't do gossip.
Maybe you should go.
Your friend Agatha'll be looking for you.
She'll be fine.
It'll be you that she wanted to speak to, anyway, not me.
Me? What for? Probably to accuse you of murder.
Oh, well, in that case Aah.
Oh, not here already, are we? I was just getting comfy.
Doesn't look like anyone's in.
No car.
No van.
Hi, Gem.
- You back at the cottage? - Yeah.
I'm just with the gardener fella now.
Wait, what? Which gardening fella, Barry Jackson? Yeah, that's the one.
He's got his chopper out.
Gem, I think he is the murderer.
Hey.
Sarah, keep it quiet.
Aggie thinks he could be the murderer.
You need to get back to the cottage.
- Barry Jackson's there.
- Okay.
What are you going to do? Well, we need proof that it's him.
So I'm gonna have a poke around here.
Ohh! - What do we do? - Keep him here.
How do we do that? Pretty sure I can think of a thing or two.
Ah! I don't think so, Sonny Jim.
Your arms are so big.
They're just, like, as big as, like, a bush or something.
A bush? You okay? Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
- Gemma.
- Hey.
- Uh, tea? - Yes, please.
Hmm.
Not now, James.
Rosie? Brilliant.
Fairy cake? Bloody rubbish at flirting, she is.
Oh.
Hi, Aggie.
Where are you? Never mind that.
Just put Bill on.
- Hi, Agatha.
- Bill.
You know your way 'round a gun, don't you? Tell me what is a little squidgy silver padded thing for? What.
Hello.
Hello Bill.
Bill, can you - Hello.
- Yes, hello.
Hello, Bill.
Think, please, please.
it's a little bit squidgy, cylindrical.
Agatha, I can't I found it at the scene of Paul Redfern's murder.
Agatha, I don't know what it is.
Wait, just Wait.
Agatha.
Hello.
Oh, that? That's a convertible bail grip cover.
It's a classic hoover appendage.
It's vintage.
Nice bit of kit actually.
Every top cleaner has one.
But, Aggie.
Where are you? What are those stone things? Cleaner? So, Gem Aah! Aah! Think she's okay? Yeah.
Why wouldn't she be? Get my number from the card in the pub then, yeah? Pretend to be "Rosie" to lure me here.
Male murders and a catapult climax.
Veryliterary.
I try my best.
How did you realize that I thought it was Barry? Heard the end of your conversation with Lucy at the Manor House.
I came in the back way.
All this for him? I'll take that as a yes.
Because Tolly sacked him? Tolly did worse than that.
He always looked down on Barry ever since he was a kid.
When he realized that the boy from the wrong side of the tracks was in love with his Lucy? Couldn't have that could he? Sacked him, ridiculed him.
Humiliated.
No one does that to my boy.
Yeah, about time and all.
Where have you been? Telling the police everything that Rosie told me, mainly about Paul Redfern having seeing the killer with the murder weapon.
Where's Agatha? She's at one of them stoney things.
Could you be a little bit more explicit? You know, where they do sacrifices and that.
Does Barry know what you've done? No.
He knows Paul was trying to find me.
That's all.
Bless him.
You ever known heartbreak? Oh, I could write a book on it.
I've known it twice.
Once when my husband died, once when I saw how crushed Barry was.
I think that was worse.
Paul saw you chucking the murder weapon? So what was he trying to blackmail you? "Saint" Paul? No.
Too nice for his own good, that one.
He figured what I'd done and understood why.
Well, if he was trying to protect you, why kill him? He said he'd already told someone about the weapon.
Rosie.
But not who he'd seen with it.
He'd have told her in the end.
Everyone tells her everything.
I couldn't risk that.
Well, now your gonna have to kill me then, aren't you? There is that.
If you Aah! Mum! Mum, what have you done? - Charming.
- Charming indeed.
About earlier.
It wasn't what it seemed.
It was exactly what it seemed.
A tad disappointing, if I may say.
A little a bit like something else I could mention.
Excuse me? I slept with Rosie for the benefit of the investigation.
Well, hark at you.
Humping her for information, were we? You said you that she knew everyone's secrets but wouldn't reveal them.
So, I set out to get underneath her skin.
Not all you got underneath.
I took one for the team.
This is becoming a little bit of a habit, isn't it.
I mean, we all have our areas of expertise, I guess, although You know, a little bit of gratitude wouldn't go amiss.
Charles, you can sleep with whoever you want to sleep with.
I really don't give a stuff.
- Huh.
- But so soon? I mean, a matter of hours after you'd slept with me, without so much as a good morning! Thin ice, Agatha Raisin.
What do you mean by that? I mean, I wasn't the one who cried out "Oh, James" in the middle of making love.
Did I? You did.
Oh.
You know, this sleeping together thing that we keep doing, I think it's a mistake.
I mean I like you, Charles, and I know that you're fond of me.
But I don't want to be anyone's comfy cardigan that they just throw on whenever they need a bit of comfort.
- Cardigan's a bit harsh.
- Stop it.
You knew James was coming back, didn't you? Yes.
But I felt that after Cyprus, we had unfinished business.
I wanted to figure that out before No.
James and I do whatever it is that James and I do.
So, this unfinished business, it is finished, right? A line drawn? Yes.
Good.
Well, I think that, for us, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Yours, I think.
Oh, don't worry.
I don't care what you believe.
Each to their own, eh?