Animaniacs (2020) s02e02 Episode Script

theme song playing ♪
‐ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
‐ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
‐ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan‐ey, totally insane‐y ♪
‐ Inertial reference frame‐y ♪
‐ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
♪
‐ As the CEO of Warner Brothers,
I've been told by my executive coach
that I need to listen more,
even though listening is very boring
and my least favorite of all the senses.
So, let me know how I can improve
life on the lot.
[sarcastically]:
I'd love to hear from all of you.
DIRECTOR [whispering]:
Okay, that was great, but could we just
‐ Well then, how was
I supposed to say that line!?
[angry growl]
[fighting]
DIRECTOR: Nora, no! Oh!
YAKKO: What are you two doing?
‐ The CEO created
an online suggestion box!
‐ Okay. I want beef chili
in the water fountains,
a "Young Wakko" spin‐off
starring me as my own dad,
and every other Friday,
we shouldn't have to wear pants.
‐ You already don't wear pants.
‐ Oh
Fine then! I want some pants
to take off every other Friday!
[click, beep]
[beep]
‐ Ugh. That's annoying.
What's the point of doing anything on
the internet if you can't be anonymous?
‐ Yeah! I'm not gonna put in my email.
‐ Then don't.
[beep]
‐ Hey! Make like a cobbler and shoo!
[growling]
‐ Eh, forget it, Dot.
We should probably get off
the computer anyway.
♪
‐ What the H‐E‐pair of chopsticks!?
FEMALE POP‐UP VOICE:
Hello. Please sign up.
‐ Never! [grunts]
POP‐UP:
Hello. Please sign up.
[screaming]
Signing up is fun and free.
[Warners screaming]
[panting]
‐ Okay. I think the coast is‐‐
POP‐UP: Please sign up.
[motorized shredding]
ALL:
Phew!
[beeping]
Sign up to make
the world a better place.
[screaming]
♪
dramatic sting ♪
[rumbling]
[gulps]
[screaming]
[sighing]
[smash]
[all gasp]
[beep]
Hello.
[screaming]
Let's get started.
[thud]
It will only take a few seconds.
[smashing]
‐ We said
not now!
[grunts]
[beep]
[engine revving]
[tires screeching]
‐ Please sign up.
Please sign up
[beeping]
♪
[shoveling]
DOT/WAKKO: Phew!
‐ Okay, uh,
does anybody wanna say a few words?
‐ Sure. Ahem.
Mustard. Umbrella.
Borborygmus.
[stomach growl]
‐ That was beautiful, Wakko.
‐ Well, what should we do‐‐
Ah!
POP‐UP: Sign up to continue.
[thunder crashes]
‐ No! [sobs]
‐ I think we should just submit!
‐ [sighs] Maybe you're right.
♪
[beep]
[typing]
‐ Why'd you pick YakkoWarner2?
‐ YakkoWarner was taken.
‐ By me!
[Yakko growls]
[beep]
POP‐UP:
Thank you. Please note. By submitting
[faster]:
you, the undersigned, forfeit all rights,
privileges, and licenses
herein and herein contained,
et cetera, et cetera,
sanctus sanctus dominus, e pluribus unum,
ipso facto, veni vidi vici, et tu brute.
[zap]
♪
‐ Finally! Peace at last!
[laughter]
[thunder, wind blowing]
♪
‐ Oh no! We're getting spammed!
DOT/WAKKO:
Ah!
MALE POP‐UP VOICE: We've made
some changes to our privacy policy
by eliminating the privacy
part of the policy.
[Warners screaming]
FEMALE POP‐UP VOICE:
Get 80% off our least desirable items.
‐ Ooh! I can't say no to 80% off.
What if they have
hot looks at cool prices?
BOTH:
No! Don't open it!
[chimes]
[gasp, groaning]
‐ They got Wakko!
[beeping]
♪
[crackling]
‐ [robotic]: Greetings, Dot Warner.
I can't believe the deal I got
on these name brand sunglasses.
Clic‐click here.
‐ He's been hacked!
♪
♪
♪
‐ [robotic]: Greetings, Yakko Warner.
I‐I‐I can't believe the deal I got
on these na‐name brand sunglasses.
Click here.
[screaming]
‐ Get thee behind me, scammers!
The power of two‐factor
authentication compels you!
[grunting]
‐ [robotic]:
Greetings, Dot Warner.
[beeping]
♪
[thunder crashes]
‐ It's not working!
‐ We've gotta reformat him!
[grunts]
♪
[straining]
[beeping]
Log out of all active sessions!
BOTH:
Reset password with at least
one number, capital letter,
and special character!
‐ [robotic]: I have successfully
[normal]:
changed all my passwords.
[sighs] What happened?
Did I get the cool looks at hot prices?
POP‐UP:
We are so sad to see you go.
What if we only get in touch, like,
three times a day? Is that okay?
♪
[Dot and Yakko screaming]
[all screaming]
[buzzing]
ALL:
Unsubscribe! Unsubscribe!
♪
[buzzing]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[all screaming]
[all panting]
DOT/YAKKO: Phew.
[Wakko grunts]
[screaming]
[straining]
‐ Wa‐‐
[shredding]
♪
[screaming, yelling]
dramatic sting ♪
[grunts]
[engine revving]
[screaming]
[crash, explosion]
[gasping]
[wind blowing]
[yell, grunting]
dramatic sting ♪
[thunder crashes]
‐ No!
[screams]
♪
‐ In all seriousness, folks,
the internet can be a treacherous place.
Be careful not to submit
your personal information
to third parties.
‐ Thank you, Wakko. In fact,
there is only one website you can trust.
indentitythefttrojanhorsebotcom.edy
‐ Order now, and use
the promo code "suckers"
to add 50% onto your purchase!
[thunder]
Pinky & the Brain theme playing ♪
‐ Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[thunder crashes]
♪
‐ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪
One is a genius ♪
The other's insane ♪
They're laboratory mice ♪
Their genes have been spliced ♪
They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪
♪
‐ Expecting to see your two favorite mice
being dumb and smart
or whatever it is that they do?
Unfortunately,
nobody's seen them in months.
So, to fill the slot,
I turned otherwise useless footage
into a nostalgic streaming experience!
You see, Pinky and the Brain wasn't always
the show we know and love today.
In fact, the studio
struggled to find a vehicle
for the dynamic duo for a long,
long time.
What you're about to see
are the original pilots
for Pinky and the Brain.
They've never been seen by anyone before.
Except the archival editor
who shaves his face
over the water fountain.
So, open wide, baby birdies.
Mommy's about to regurgitate some slop
into your content‐hungry mouths.
[retching]
[bars and tone]
'50s‐style music ♪
ANNOUNCER:
The Pink and The Brain Show!
Starring Pinky!
And The Brain!
[canned laughter]
[grumble]
[slam]
‐ [sighs] Pinky! I'm home!
I snuck out of work early
because Old Man Jenkins
is taking the senior partners
out for a celebratory dinner.
But of course, I didn't get the invite.
[sniffing]
Pinky, what is that putrid smell!?
[splatter]
‐ That's din‐‐
[applause]
That's dinner, Brain.
I made potatoes all rotten!
[canned laughter]
[groans]
‐ It's potatoes au gratin,
you domestic doddypoll.
One of these days, I'm gonna
transfer the kinetic energy of my fist
into a force vector applied
directly to your oral aperture!
‐ Ooh! I've never been to Connecticut.
Sounds cozy.
[screaming studio laughter]
[laughter quiets down]
Hey, Brain!
Why don't we go celebrate
me ruining dinner
by going to eat dinner at
a fancy dinner restaurant?
‐ Ah, yes.
And let me guess.
Whatever restaurant we choose
will be the exact establishment my boss
[Director screams]
and the senior partners are dining at
this evening, correct?
This, despite the fact that we live in
a sprawling metropolis,
where the possibility
of picking the same
restaurant is almost nil.
‐ Ahem. Spoiler alert.
[studio laughter]
‐ Warner Brothers
[laughter continues]
[fire alarm ringing]
‐ Well, that's the last time
I make those potatoes!
♪
‐ Test audiences found Brain's character
patriarchal, cruel, and sadistic.
Yah!
[glass shatters]
Despite having everything a 1950s audience
was looking for in a TV husband,
the show failed due
to creative differences.
But they gave him
another shot a few years later.
[bars and tone]
Brady Bunch‐style music ♪
‐ Here's a ditty 'bout
a mouse named Pinky ♪
Who had three little
Pinkies of her own ♪
[laughing]
They all had fur that's
white like their mama ♪
The baby wore a cone ♪
Here's a refrain 'bout
a mouse named Brain ♪
[Brain yelps]
He had three little
Brain boys by his side ♪
‐ No!
This is a flawed premise.
Nobody with three children
would willingly sign up
for three more.
Who wrote this improbable drivel?
‐ Um, it was based on my life.
‐ Well, I suggest you
write yourself a new one.
That's what I think of you,
Warner Brothers!
[laughter]
[crash]
♪
‐ Now, who's going to
teach me how to drive?
‐ It's always about you!
Pinky, Pinky, Pinky!
‐ Eh, I can't say this
one was all on Brain.
It was 1969.
Everyone was making bad decisions.
For instance, my sister Theodora
was born that year. [growls]
This next pilot took all the attention
away from Mommy and Daddy
and lasted as long
as Theodora's first marriage.
Enjoy.
[bars and tone]
[Warners laughing]
[panting]
Cheers‐style music ♪
‐ Getting through
to the end of the day ♪
Sure is pretty hard ♪
Stepping back would surely shed ♪
Some light on where you are ♪
How would you like to take a break? ♪
Don't you wanna be ♪
Where the coffee's always hot? ♪
And you know they'll brew another pot ♪
Life is tough, and you are sad ♪
So go and drink until you're glad ♪
The coffee's black, and it is hot ♪
Forget about everything you're not ♪
Just go somewhere
and avoid your problems ♪
Instead of facing them ♪
Yeah, coffee ♪
♪
theme ends ♪
PINKY: Narfs is filmed in front of
a live studio audience. Narfs!
[audience applause, cheering]
[grunts]
[thunder crashes]
‐ Afternoon, Pinky.
ALL: Brain!
‐ How does everyone in here know my name?
‐ This is a place where
everybody knows your name.
Didn't you listen to the theme song?
‐ It didn't mention that
in the theme song.
[coffee maker whistling]
‐ Oh. Maybe that's that other song
that's almost the same, but way better.
‐ Regardless, it's quite a depressing
ditty for a comedy show, don't you think?
Don't any of you have hopes or dreams?
[coffee maker whistling, rattling]
‐ I hope I can get another coffee!
[audience laughter]
[laughing]
‐ [sighs] Forget it.
[grunts]
[laughter continues]
[whistling, rattling]
‐ [laughing] Ooh?
BRAIN:
Warner Brothers!
‐ It took Warner Brothers eight years
to calm Brain down. [grunts]
And when that didn't work,
they threatened to make him
the "next Urkel."
And with that, he was back the same day
to shoot this next pilot.
[bars and tone]
Fresh Prince of Bel Air‐style music ♪
‐ So, this is a tale,
I'm telling you how ♪
A mouse's life got all messed around ♪
And I'd rather take no time
and tell you point blank ♪
About how I became
the Fresh Pinky of Burbank ♪
Narf! Narf Narf! Narf! Poit! ♪
♪
[grunts]
[audience cheering]
‐ Pinky! You were supposed
to be back over an hour ago!
‐ My bad, Brain.
I guess I'm not used to the rules
because I'm from
the wrong side of the tracks.
‐ Well, be that as it may,
you're going to have a lot
of explaining to do
when Mom and Dad get home.
‐ Why would I have to explain
that I was late? [grunts]
They'll never know, unless you tell 'em.
AUDIENCE:
Ooh
‐ Are you suggesting that I lie
to my mother and father?
‐ All I'm saying is what they
don't know can't hurt them.
[audience cheering]
‐ Wow, Pinky.
I suppose despite my academic prowess,
I still can learn quite a bit from you.
‐ You're darn right, Brain.
You've got the book smarts,
but I've got the street smarts.
‐ I've got street smarts, too! Heck,
I've even got street moves! Check it out!
[audience cheering]
hip hop music playing ♪
[cheering continues]
They love me. They really, really love me!
♪
‐ Huzzah! What is the word, my good man?
[laughs]
[crowd cheering]
[laughing]
[Egwind grunts]
[crickets chirping]
[crowd cheering]
[grunts]
[audience gasps]
‐ You philistines.
I've debased myself in front of you
with my circus chicanery,
and yet, you worship at the feet of
this sunglassed buffoon!
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woo!
‐ Well, I will be your Pagliacci no more!
[Egwind gasps]
‐ Fare thee well!
[crash]
‐ Good riddance, you third rate,
third wheel ham actor!
[eagle screeches]
[Egwind screams]
♪
I am finished doing
terrible sitcom pilots!
There's more to life than being told
what to say and do all the time, Pinky!
Now, come with me!
‐ Righto!
‐ We must prepare for tomorrow night.
‐ Why, Brain? What are
we gonna do tomorrow night?
‐ Try to take over the world!
‐ And with that iconic proclamation,
the highly successful
Pinky and the Brain franchise was born.
And now, it's dead
because they're missing.
[phone rings]
What is it!?
Oh! You found them!
Wonderful. Get them back on set!
[grunts]
‐ How adorable.
She thinks she's punishing us,
when she's actually punishing
our clones.
‐ Clones?
‐ That's right.
♪
[alarm blares]
After receiving the latest script
of our "adventures,"
I reached my breaking point.
I will no longer do the bidding
of my television overlords.
Instead,
I have created clones
who will do my bidding,
leaving us free to truly
pursue world domination.
‐ So, you mean to tell me
the Pinky and the Brain show
isn't going to be us anymore?
‐ Precisely. No one will be the wiser
as these clones are indistinguishable
from us in every facet!
‐ [Brain's voice]: Gee, Brain.
What do you wanna do tonight?
‐ [Pinky's voice]: Pancakes!
‐ Narf [inhales deeply]
‐ Egad! It's like looking in the mirror!
[sighs]
‐ Cloning is an art, not a science.
And alas, I am merely
the world's foremost scientific mind.
Come, Pinky.
We must prepare for tomorrow night.
‐ Why, Brain?
What are we gonna do tomorrow night?
[gasps] Ooh, please let it be pancakes!
[machine hissing]
‐ The same thing we do every night, Pinky.
Try to take over the world!
[hissing, rattling]
♪
[VCR clicking, whirring]
distorted music ♪
retro upbeat music ♪
‐ Hey, gang!
It's time for Everyday Safety!
‐ That's right! We're here to give you
everyday safety tips for
the most common emergencies.
‐ Tonight, what to do in the event of
a giant, exploding syrup factory
at the top of a very tall hill
overlooking your city.
♪
Think fast! Don't panic!
A million gallons of piping hot syrup
are racing toward you!
First,
grab your emergency supplies.
They should be in your
Exploding Syrup Factory Emergency Bag.
‐ It should contain an inflatable raft,
a metric ton of ice,
an ant farm with three active queens,
some pancake mix, a bat,
and a radio.
‐ Inflate the raft and throw it
at the syrup wave
to buy yourself some time.
[grunts]
YAKKO:
Now, carve the metric ton of ice
into an authentic igloo
and take shelter inside.
‐ Better get carving!
That syrup's coming in hot!
♪
[grinding]
‐ It's finished!
[door slams]
relaxed music ♪
[rattling]
‐ Oh no! My hands are sticky,
and I don't have a napkin
because it's an emergency.
‐ Don't worry.
That's what the ants are for.
♪
[ants chirping]
[gasps]
‐ What's the radio for?
‐ Once the syrup cools,
we'll be trapped in here
for millions of years
like mosquitoes in amber,
so we'll need some entertainment.
NPR DJ:
You're listening to hour 97
of "The Art and Craft of Storytelling,"
with Irv Gold.
IRV GOLD:
I often ask myself, what is storytell‐‐
[Dot grunts]
[fizzling]
‐ And that is what the bat's for.
This has been Everyday Safety.
Tune in next time
when we share tips
for when you're with your grandmother
visiting a home
for rehabilitated rattlesnakes,
and there's a power failure
that opens the doors to
the rattlesnake enclosure,
but also your pockets
are filled with maracas,
so you can't tell where
the sounds are coming from.
[hissing, rattling]
‐ Who wants the first Flatty Patty?
‐ Mm! Oh no! We forgot the butter!
Don't worry, I'll go get some.
DOT/YAKKO:
No!
[splattering]
[gasps]
♪
WAKKO [distorted]:
Oh, the viscosity!
retro upbeat music ♪
♪