Arab Maklum (2023) s02e02 Episode Script

1
Finally, the water technician has arrived!
Hello, Auntie!
Oh my goodness!
It's been so long! You're getting fuller.
It's been so long.
You're getting cheekier now.
Well, of course.
Hey, Auntie, where have you been in Bali?
Have you tried paragliding?
What's paragliding?
It's where you jump off a cliff.
I want to try it, but I'm scared.
How about you try it first?
If you don't fall, then I'll try it.
Geez! Why don't you
and your whole family jump off a cliff?
Why are you telling me to do it?
Oh my goodness, Kim!
Astagfirullahaladzim.
And what's with your outfit, Kim?
Why is it so sheer?
Your body is visible.
Aren't you embarrassed that
people can see everything?
Please, Auntie, don't make fun of me.
I don't have anything to hide.
Besides, this is the style in Bali!
Girls here wear clothes
like this all the time.
It's not like in Condet.
If you go to the beach, the outfits are
even more revealing than this.
The beach?
HELLO BALI
-Ah, walking on this sand is so tough!
-Yes, it's tough.
But for something beautiful,
you need to struggle, you know.
Just open the door, right?
Astagfirullahaladzim!
Awesome!
Don't blink your eyes, Id.
It stings, Han.
Same here, me too.
Oh my! There are more!
My eyes sting too.
Hold on, Han.
Guys, just enjoy yourselves here,
and when we're ready to leave,
let's meet back here.
What time?
Why are you asking about the time?
Just enjoy this Bali beach
and don't worry about the time!
That's perfect.
-Seng.
-What?
You're being ridiculous, Seng!
No manners at all!
Why did you even bring us here?
Seng.
-Cool!
-Right?
-Yeah!
-Awesome!
That's right!
Hey! Why are you going over there?
Let's go this way.
It is nicer over there.
There are better spots
over there. Hurry up.
You're an old fart!
-We'll go there later, okay?
-Yeah, whatever!
Seng, is there no beach
that's just normal?
Huh? A normal beach?
What do you mean by normal?
You want me to take you
to a freshwater beach?
Ya Allah. What the hell?
Seng, this is very indecent.
Can't you see all those
bare bodies around?
Yeah, I see them. So what?
Ya Allah, why doesn't he understand?
Seng, let's just move.
Come on, let's move!
Bert, call Said and Burhan.
We're leaving now.
Sorry, Ustad.
If we leave, there's no guarantee that
other beaches won't have sexy foreigners.
This place is perfect.
Ya Allah, he even emphasizes it.
Look, I have a solution for you.
So you won't see anything indecent,
wear these sunglasses.
Here.
Will these help?
Yeah, just try them on.
Just put them on quickly.
Astagfirullahaladzim!
These don't help!
Really?
Ustad, at least you'll feel cooler
wearing them.
All right, listen.
Next time, if I go to the beach,
you don't have to come.
Just go fishing in the pond.
You're such a hassle.
Pond, he said?
-Ustad.
-Huh?
There are naked ones in Bali ponds too.
Astagfirullahaladzim! What do you mean?
The fish.
That's not funny!
Wait, Bert.
What about when I want to pray?
Do it over there, next to the foreigners.
Astagfirullahaladzim!
Ya Allah, there's a girl passing by!
Oh my.
This villa is really nice.
It's even better than
your house in Jakarta, Auntie.
Hey! Don't even think about staying here.
It's already full, okay?
Don't make things hard for me.
Where's the toilet, Auntie?
Over there.
-Hey, where are you going?
-To the toilet.
Why are you taking food with you?
-Is that not allowed?
-The toilet is broken anyway.
There's no water.
We're waiting for the technician.
Just sit down.
A fancy villa like this has no water?
You probably only paid half-price, right?
Don't overdo it when you ask
for a discount, Auntie.
You always have something to say!
Just sit down and shut up!
I'll call Syakila.
Hold it in!
I'm really at my limit here, Auntie.
Whatever!
Just pee your pants then.
This is the first time
I've seen a painting like this.
Maybe a kid made it.
Ouch!
Oh, here she is.
Miss, can you fix the water?
I really need to pee now.
Bonjour.
Désolé!
I'm not the water technician, okay?
Ah, my back feels like it needs cracking.
Koh, those Arab guys,
should we invite them for water sports?
Maybe they'll be interested?
Water sports? That sounds cool.
Maybe they would love it.
But the budget doesn't fit, Koh.
Water sports are expensive.
Don't suggest water sports then.
What were you thinking?
They like cheap stuff.
Just take them to watch kites,
and they'll be happy.
The important thing is that
it's budget-friendly.
You know that, right?
About the budget, huh
Oh, Koh, what if we take them to a spa?
They might like that.
Is it within budget?
Of course not. Spas are expensive.
Then why suggest it if it's expensive?
Remember, budget-friendly!
It has to fit the budget.
Budget-friendly, huh?
There's something viral in Bali right now.
What's viral?
What was it?
"Para gelinding"?
-"Paragliding."
-Yeah, that's it.
Is it cheap?
Of course not!
There's nothing cheap about it.
I might just hit you!
You're the one looking for cheap things.
-Oh, this massage feels good.
-Feels good, right?
Yeah.
Oh, where's the masseuse from?
This lady? I imported her directly.
Oh yeah? From where?
-Türkiye.
-Wow.
Yeah, she used to be a hot air balloon
pilot in where was it again?
Cappakadoya?
Cappadocia.
-Really, miss?
-No, just kidding.
-Just kidding.
-What about this lady?
She's been doing this
for a long time, Koh.
-Is she also from Türkiye?
-No, she isn't.
She used to be actually a milkfish farmer.
No way.
-It's actually nice, you know.
-Yeah, it is.
Should I ask for two masseuses?
-Can you do that?
-I don't know.
We can massage your feet, right?
Whatever, miss.
My whole body is sore.
Miss, it's Thursday night, right?
Yes.
Can you clean a kris dagger?
Do it right.
Shut up.
Make it even.
Shh. Just be quiet.
I'm the artist, I know what
I'm doing. You be quiet.
Is it done already?
Yep, but it's cracking because
you're breathing.
Stop breathing for a bit.
I'll die then.
Do you want it to look good or not?
-I do.
-All right, stay still.
But is this a woman or a man?
It's a man, Id.
Why are there bumps on the chest?
You only see two,
but below there are six more.
-What are they?
-A six-pack.
His arms are like Popeye's.
-Look, it's muscular. This is a man!
-That's awesome!
Yeah, awesome!
-Very manly, right?
-Yes, you are!
You're 100% manly.
-Let's take a picture then.
-You want to take a picture?
For the memories.
Sure, why not?
I'll take a picture for you.
Jubnu!
Why jubnu?
Geez, you dummy!
What do French people say
to take a picture?
"Cheese."
And what are we?
Arabs.
-So what should we say?
-Jubnu (cheese).
-See, you're smart!
-Yeah, you're right! Again.
Say it correctly.
One, two, three.
Jubnu!
-Ah, awesome!
-Great.
Send it to me later.
Oh, what's that?
So cute.
-Of course.
-What's the concept?
-A merman?
-Yeah, exactly.
-A merman? Why a merman, Han?
-Let's take a picture with him.
I told you before!
When you're an adult,
you should be sunbathing,
not playing with sand like this.
I told you to make something manly,
but you asked for a merman.
What's wrong with you?
Why did you ask for a merman?
It's embarrassing.
You're the one who made it, Han.
Nonsense!
I already told him, miss! Ugh!
-Han!
-Stay there.
Han, where are you going?
Burhan!
Is this a merman or what?
Hey, miss, let me tell you,
being a water technician is an honest job.
No need to be shy. Come on, fix it.
I really need to pee and there's no water.
Hey!
Désolé!
I'm the owner of this villa. Oui?
Huh?
Oh, now you're hallucinating
and claiming to own the villa?
You don't look the part.
Here, give me your hand.
I'll give you a snack
so just fix the water so I can pee.
I'm at my limit here. Hurry up!
-Come on! Come on!
-Geez!
Mon Dieu! Je suis désolé.
I'm sorry.
The water technician is on their way.
They couldn't come yesterday.
They could only come today.
D'accord? Understand? Oui?
Open your mouth.
What's in there?
I'm curious why you talk like that.
It's not fitting, miss!
Stop joking around, I really need to go.
Let's fix the water. Come on.
I told you, I'm the owner of the villa.
Don't you get it?
But you don't look the part!
Stop making me angry!
When I'm angry,
I feel like building a villa.
Where's Alexander Xavier now? Huh?
You're blaming Alex
when you should be fixing the villa?
Just do your job. Who's Alex anyway?
Alex. The one who rented out this villa.
I don't know who this Alex is!
Alex!
Alexander!
-Alexander Xavier.
-Who's Alex?
Astagfirullahaladzim!
Why is it so noisy here?
Kim, why did you bring your friends here?
Auntie, I'm sorry,
but this person isn't my friend.
I'd be embarrassed
to have a friend like this.
She's a water technician, but she claims
to be the owner of the villa.
She should have been fixing the water,
but instead, she's looking for Alex.
Who is Alex anyway?
Alex That sounds familiar. Who is he?
Oh, mon Dieu!
Tu es Laela, n'est-ce pas? Oui?
Laela. Oui?
-Oui?
-Yes. I'm Laela.
Meira.
I'm Meira.
Meira who?
Ow!
Meira, the singer from Cipayung!
Sekuntum mawar Meira
Ya Allah! Meira!
-Laela!
-Meira!
-Are you the one who used to wear?
-Yeah, that's me.
Are you a Christian now?
No, I'm not!
But my husband is.
-Your husband is a Christian?
-Buddhist!
Ya Allah, Meira, you're living in sin!
Laela, Laela, Laela,
you're always the same.
You haven't changed at all,
still so old-fashioned!
We're not living together unmarried.
We're living as a family, it's just that
he's from a different country.
So, what are you doing here?
I'm the owner of this villa.
I'm rich, you know!
She's the villa owner, you know?
-Ya Allah, Laela.
-Where's Syakila, Auntie?
Ya Allah, she'll be out soon.
She's on the phone now.
You're so grumpy.
There she is.
Hey, Kim, sorry I took so long.
I was on a call with Ezhar.
It's okay.
Ezhar said he wants to come to Bali.
Huh?
Wasn't there a fight
between you two yesterday?
Yeah, Umi, but it's all sorted now.
It was just a misunderstanding.
So now Ezhar wants to come here?
He's going out of his way for you?
It's not for me.
Ezhar just wants a vacation.
All right then. I'll take my leave now.
Hold on a sec.
Let me introduce you.
This is my middle school friend.
Her name is Auntie Meira.
-Ya Allah! She's pretty.
-I'm Syakila.
She's pretty, but she doesn't
look like you, huh?
She must take after her dad, huh?
Not really.
Sye, let's go now.
Your villa sucks. There's no water here.
All right, I'll get going now, Umi.
-All right.
-Assalamu alaikum.
Waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Ya Allah, this girl really has no manners!
Sheesh! She even called me a plumber!
Calm down.
Calm down. Are you angry?
Of course I am!
When she talks, it's like firecrackers!
I've been fed up with her
for such a long time, you know!
I feel like snapping at her!
Kim, where are we going?
I need to pee!
I've been needing to pee so badly! Oh my!
There's no water at your place, Sye!
All right, let's find a stop ahead.
Where can we stop?
I can't hold it anymore.
-How about we just stop here?
-Okay, let's look for one.
Please, hold on!
Sye, I don't want my bike
to smell bad later.
Hey, it won't!
-Oh no! Please, hold it for me.
-I can't! Be careful!
You're being ridiculous!
I'm at my limit. I can't hold it anymore.
Oh my!
-Hold on, where is it?
-Oh God, there's a car behind us.
What should I do?
Whatever!
I can't hold it! Just hold onto me!
It was great!
I feel so light,
it's like I've just been born.
Feels good, right, Koh?
Yeah, it feels great.
-Of course.
-This is great!
Thanks for getting a massage with us.
Yeah, I'll come here more often next time.
-Of course, you have to.
-You have to come back again.
Oh yeah, definitely.
Oh, right, Bert, could you pay first?
Use the down payment I gave you.
You still have it, right?
Well
I didn't bring cash with me.
But there's a QR code here.
You can pay via the QR code.
No need for cash.
Wow, this massage place is so advanced.
-Like in a mall.
-You're right.
They usually massage in malls,
but now they're doing work from anywhere.
All right then, you pay first with QR.
Should I pay for this first?
Yeah.
Oh my.
-Done?
-Done.
-Okay. I'm heading over there now.
-Wait a second.
When do I get reimbursed?
Reimbursement?
But I just gave you a down payment.
Besides, my guests just arrived today.
Why are you asking
for reimbursement already?
The down payment is still there,
isn't it? Has it run out?
Of course it's gone!
You only gave a 2,5% down payment!
It's practically like a donation!
This is for paying for the massage,
the coconut water earlier,
and yesterday's gas.
Come on, what's wrong with you?
All right, all right,
let's discuss the payment
after my guests return to Jakarta, okay?
I'll definitely pay!
-How's that?
-But
-Fine.
-Okay?
-No worries.
-What else can I do?
I'm going to dip my feet in the ocean.
-Excuse me.
-Thank you very much.
What are you guys doing?
-Waiting for tips.
-Tips?
Didn't you see earlier
that I was confused about how to pay?
And now you're asking for tips too.
If you want, I have a Walkman.
What's that for?
Radio tapes!
Oh.
You're quite demanding, aren't you?
Hurray!
Allahu Akbar. Yeesh.
So, you moved to Bali three years ago,
and are already this successful?
Oui.
-You must have used some magic.
-Oh no. Just hard work.
I heard some voices from the back.
Like someone chatting
or guests or something.
Sounds like there is a guest here, right?
-Your ears are truly amazing, Jenab.
-Alhamdullilah.
-Jenab.
-Yes?
Let me introduce you to Meira,
my old school friend.
-Turns out, she owns this villa.
-Oui.
She's my neighbor.
Meira.
-Your school friend, huh?
-Oui.
Wait, like real school friend or what?
Yes, she was.
Look at her outfit. It looks so scary,
and her clothes are so thin!
Is she a widow like Vanya?
Hey, don't be so judgmental!
Just because someone is showing some skin
doesn't mean they're a widow.
Widows can also wear modest clothes.
-I'm not a widow.
-Alhamdulillah.
You two are so close as neighbors!
Both on de congé.
Huh? De congé?
De congé means holiday. Vacation.
Oh yeah, we're indeed on vacation.
We're all mothers
in the same neighborhood.
-Oh!
-We always stick together.
Oui, d'accord. Locale.
Où est ton mari?
-Huh?
-"Où est"?
Where's your husband?
Oh, my husband is
at the beach with the guys.
We ladies are taking a break at the villa.
Mon Dieu!
À la plage.
The beach.
Oui.
-In Bali, the beaches are famous.
-Yes.
-There are many sexy foreigners!
-Huh?
-Sexy? Really?
-Oui.
Sexy? Did you hear that, La?
Sunbathing. Topless.
-What?
-What's "topless"?
"Toples" are for storing rice crackers.
You asked, right?
La.
Rice crackers on the chest?
-What?
-What is that?
Ya Allah. Why are they coming over here?
Just say it clearly if you want my help.
Ya Allah.
Astagfirullah.
That's why I've had a bad feeling.
Why did you let your husband
go to the beach, huh?
This is a test! This will be a test!
Hey, just let him be.
The more you forbid men from doing things,
the more rebellious they get.
I don't restrict my husband.
Those foreigners just want
to take pictures. No more.
Take pictures? What do you mean?
Like asking to take sexy photos.
Do you want your husband
taking pictures with sexy foreigners?
Huh? What's wrong with you?!
Come on, let's go there quickly.
Let's go there now!
Whose husband is Mahmud anyway? Ugh!
So complicated!
-My husband.
-Yes, my friend's husband.
She's my friend, so I care about her.
What's wrong with that?
Astagfirullah.
Astagfirullahaladzim.
Here, here.
From the very beginning of their marriage,
I've been the one
taking care of their household.
You don't need to interfere.
-What's your problem?
-What for?
Hey, stop it! Stop!
Shut up.
-It's your fault!
-You're so noisy!
You're just a guest. She's just so noisy!
-What do you want to do?
-She wants to call him!
Chill! Try to call him calmly. Bismillah.
Ya Allah, my friend!
Hello. Assalamu alaikum.
Waalaikumsalam.
Where are you, Aba?
I'm at the beach now.
What are you doing?
I'm just sitting.
-He's just sitting.
-See?
Ask him again.
Who are you sitting with?
Well just by myself.
Hey, Aba. Whose voice is that?
That's a foreigner.
See? It was an English voice.
She spoke English.
-Aba, who is saying "love" over there?
-Oh my
Mahmud!
What was that?
The wind was so strong!
I think there's a ghost coming,
it's haunted here.
Oh my!
I'll move over here.
I think it's safe here.
Mahmud!
You just stepped out for a bit,
and you're already hanging out
with a foreign girl!
-Mahmud really can't be trusted!
-Unbelievable!
-For this, I apologize, my friend!
-Yes.
-Astagfirullahaladzim! What is this?!
-My car, La!
Please!
Don't make a big deal out of it.
At least nobody ate pork.
Stop!
So noisy!
Look at those tourists over there!
See? Such tacky tourists.
Look at the one in the green shirt.
Hey, your bird tilts to the left.
Look at my bird! It's an eagle.
What do you have? A crooked bird, huh?
Meira! Take a nice picture of me.
-I want to post it on Instagram.
-Oui!
Smile when you're taking it.
Why should I smile?
You're the one being photographed.
Oh, right, I forgot. Now I'll smile.
-Dog.
-Huh?
-What did you say that?
-I mean I
Mon chien means my dog.
Aba!
So, this is what you're up to, huh?
Are you enjoying yourself here?
Why are you here all angry?
I'm not doing anything weird.
Sitting around on the beach
like this isn't weird?
This is called visual adultery.
Cheating!
-The other birds are all scared.
-That owl shouldn't be let loose.
It needs an exorcism. It's a ghost.
Take it!