Are You Being Served? Again! (1992) s02e02 Episode Script

1
( THEME MUSIC PLAYING )
MR. RUMBOLD:
GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.
AH! GOODBYE,
MR. LUBITCH.
I DO HOPE YOUR GROUP
ENJOYED YOUR STAY
AT MILLSTONE MANOR?
YEAH, GREAT, SWELL.
VERY QUAINT.
IS THE COACH
OUTSIDE?
THE, UH, HALL PORTER
IS INDISPOSED,
SO THE WAITER AND BARMAN
WILL TAKE THE CASES
OUT TO THE COACH.
MR. HUMPHRIES,
ARE YOU FREE?
I'M FREE.
TAKE THE CASES
OUT TO THE COACH.
I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE
OF COUNTING MY GHERKINS.
AND THERE'S ONE MISSING.
PEACOCK?
PEACOCK!
ARE YOU FREE?
THE ROOM SERVICE FINISHED
THREE MINUTES AGO, SIR.
GOOD. HELP HUMPHRIES
WITH THE CASES.
CERTAINLY, SIR.
WHEN I RETURN, I'D LIKE
A FEW WORDS WITH YOU
ABOUT THE CONDITIONS
OF MY EMPLOYMENT.
OOH, UGH.
WELL, GOODBYE AND
GOOD LUCK AT GATWICK.
( COACH HORN HONKING )
HAVE THEY GONE?
YES, JUST GETTING ON THE COACH
FOR GATWICK.
WHAT A STINGY LOT.
ALL I GOT WAS
THEIR LOOSE CHANGE
AND A COUPLE
OF GREEK DRACHMAS.
WHAT DID YOU GET,
MISS BRAHMS?
WELL, THE BALD-HEADED ONE,
HE GAVE ME 50 QUID.
MISS BRAHMS!
WHAT DID YOU DO
TO GET THAT?
JUST BIT ME LIP
TO STOP MYSELF
TELLING HIM
IT WASN'T A FIVER.
NOW, REMEMBER, ALL TIPS
ARE TO BE SHARED EQUALLY.
MRS. SLOCOMBE:
WHAT DID YOU GET,
MR. HUMPHRIES?
50P AND A SLIGHT HERNIA.
THE NEXT TIME YOU
DO THAT TO ME,
I SHALL DO THAT
TO YOU!
I LEFT MY CLEANING
IN A CASE
AT THE BOTTOM
OF THE STAIRS,
WHERE'S IT GONE?
GATWICK
AND DISNEYLAND.
IT'S ON THE COACH.
OH, GOD!
STOP!
LET'S GO AND SEE
IF MAVIS HAS GO
THE KETTLE ON.
WHAT A GOOD IDEA.
HERE YOU ARE.
GET THAT DOWN YOU,
DAD.
THANKS.
THEN I SHALL HAVE TO GO
AND FERTILIZE THE RHUBARB.
THEY DON'T MAKE TEA
LIKE THEY USED TO, YOU KNOW?
YOU GOTTA SUCK THE TEABAGS
BEFORE YOU GET ANY TASTE!
NOW, YOU BEHAVE
YOURSELF, DADS.
DID THEM AMERICANS
GIVE YOU ANY TIPS
WHEN YOU SHOWED 'EM
AROUND THE FARM?
WELL, I MADE 'EM ALL CLIMB
OVER A FIVE-BARRED GATE,
LOTTA CHANGE FELL OUTTA
THEIR POCKETS.
THANK GOODNESS,
THAT LOT'S GONE.
I GOT A NICE
CUPPA TEA FOR YOU.
IF YOU SUCK
THE TEABAGS!
YOU GET THE CUPS OUT,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
RIGHT, MAVIS.
NOW, WHAT SHALL WE HAVE?
DADDY BEAR OR BABY BEAR?
LET'S HAVE
THE LARGE ONE,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
I FIND THAT AMERICANS
GIVE ME QUITE A THIRST.
WELL, THEY ALWAYS USED TO.
MIND YOU, THEY GAVE US
QUITE A NICE LITTLE CHECK.
£1,700.
YES, WE'RE KEEPING
OUR HEADS ABOVE WATER.
ONE WONDERS IF ONE
REALLY NEEDS
TO EMPLOY
ANY EXTRA STAFF?
IF WE ALL MUCK IN,
WE DON'T HAVE TO
PAY ANY WAGES
AND THERE'S
ALL THE MORE FOR US.
IT'S ALL VERY WELL
FOR YOU, MR. RUMBOLD.
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU DO
ANYTHING MORE ENERGETIC
THAN THAT.
I DO IT TO CREATE
THE RIGHT ATMOSPHERE.
YOU HAVEN'
CREATED IT WITH ME.
AND YOU DON'
HAVE TO UNBUNG
THE LOOS.
AND YOU DON'
HAVE TO ERASE
THE TIDEMARKS
FROM THE BATHS.
YOU WANNA
LEAVE THEY.
THEY REMINDS YOU HOW MUCH
HOT WATER YOU CAN USE.
I GOT ONE
THAT GOES BACK TO 1937.
DAD, DON'T EXAGGERATE.
WELL
1949, THEN.
GO AND FERTILIZE
THE RHUBARB, DAD.
DOES HE DO THA
WITH A WATERING CAN?
YEAH, SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT.
NO WONDER SOMEONE SAID
THE SPROUTS TASTED OF TETLEY'S.
WOMAN:
YOO-HOO, YOO-HOO!
WHAT'S THAT?
IT SOUNDS LIKE A GIRL'S VOICE.
PERHAPS
IT'S A GYPSY GIRL
SELLING SOMETHING.
YOO-HOO!
IT'S EITHER CLOTHESPEGS
OR A TUBE OF GLUE.
OH, IT'S MISS LITTLEWOOD.
SHE WAS
THE LADY MAGISTRATE
WHEN YOU FELL FOUL
OF THE LAW.
DON'T REMIND ME.
CAN I COME IN?
I TRIED THE FRONT,
BUT THE BELL PULL
CAME AWAY IN MY HAND.
DO COME IN,
MISS LITTLEWOOD.
OH, YOU REMEMBER ME?
I REMEMBER YOU.
COME AND SIT DOWN.
I'LL SQUEEZE IN,
NEXT TO YOU.
MISS BRAHMS,
ISN'T IT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I REMEMBER YOU
FROM COURT.
YOU GAVE
YOUR EVIDENCE
SO WELL.
AND THE LIGHT SEEMED
TO STRIKE YOUR EYES
IN THE MOS
STARTLING FASHION.
REALLY?
YOU DON'T WEAR
CONTACT LENSES,
DO YOU?
NOT UP TILL NOW, NO.
MIND YOU, I'M BETTER
FURTHER AWAY
THAN CLOSER TO.
I'M THE OTHER WAY.
I'M IN BETWEEN.
BIFOCALS.
AND TO WHAT DO WE OWE
THE GREAT PLEASURE
OF THIS VISIT?
IT'S NOTHING TO DO
WITH A CASE, I HOPE?
OH, NO. I'M HERE
TO TALK ABOUT CRICKET.
YOUNG MR. GRACE
USED TO LET US
USE THE PITCH
ON YOUR LAWN,
AND HE'D MAKE UP A TEAM
FROM MILLSTONE MANOR.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D
CONTINUE THE TRADITION?
OH, WELL,
WE'D LOVE TO, I'M SURE.
NOW, HOW MANY MEN
CAN WE FIELD?
THERE'S MR. RUMBOLD
AND MYSELF,
AND, UH, MR. MOULTERD.
AND I'M SURE
MR. HUMPHRIES
IS NOT TOTALLY
UNACQUAINTED
WITH CRACK OF WILLOW
AGAINST LEATHER.
OH, HEH, HEH. I HAVEN'
HEARD THAT FOR YEARS.
HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT CRICKET,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
OH, I KNOW.
I'VE OFTEN WANTED TO DELIVER
A FAST ONE
FROM THE GASWORKS END.
ACTUALLY,
IT'S A MIXED TEAM,
BOYS AND GIRLS.
JUST A BIT OF FUN.
WELL, IN THAT CASE,
WITH MRS. SLOCOMBE
AND MISS BRAHMS,
MISS LOVELOCK AND MAVIS,
WE CAN MAKE UP EIGHT.
PROVIDED THEY'RE WILLING,
OF COURSE.
I'M SURE MISS BRAHMS
IS GAME?
WELL, FOR CRICKET, YES.
I'M NOT SURE
ABOUT MRS. SLOCOMBE?
I'D HAVE YOU KNOW,
MISS BRAHMS,
THAT WHEN I WAS A LAND GIRL,
WE PLAYED THE R.A.F.
AND I WAS
THE OPENING BOWLER,
AND I'M HERE
TO TELL YOU
THAT MY BOUNCERS
WERE GREATLY RESPECTED.
I USUALLY STAND BY,
THAT MAKES NINE.
WELL, DAD'S GO
A COUPLE OF LOCAL
FARM HANDS
WHO HELP OU
WHEN WE'RE BUSY.
THEY COULD
MAKE UP THE TEAM.
DO CRICKETERS WEAR MAKE-UP?
AHEM, YES, WELL, IT SOUNDS
AS IF WE'VE GOT A TEAM.
WILL WE BE PLAYING
AGAINST THE VILLAGE
GREAT TENDER?
WELL, THEY CAN ONLY MUSTER
ABOUT HALF A DOZEN,
SO THEY'LL BE PLAYING
WITH TENDER BOTTOM.
OOH, UGH, OW, UM.
I FEEL LIKE
A CART HORSE.
IT'S GOING
VERY WELL.
I'M FOAMIN'
AT THE MOUTH.
IT'S YOUR TURN NOW.
RIGHT.
LET'S TURN IT ROUND.
CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
YOU GOT THE BACK.
MR. HUMPHRIES,
IN THE FRONT.
THERE WE ARE.
NOW, GET A GOOD GRIP.
JUST WHAT EXACTLY
ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I SHALL START YOU OFF
AND GUIDE YOU.
HMM, I THOUGH
IT'D BE SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.
COME ALONG,
MISS BRAHMS.
HELP ME TO SPREAD OU
THE TENT.
RIGHT. NOW THEN,
ONE TWO
THREE HEAVE!
WE'RE AWAY!
KEEP IT UP,
KEEP IT UP!
YOU'RE DOING
VERY WELL.
MR. HUMPHRIES, YOU'RE
NOT GOING STRAIGHT!
I'M TRYING TO,
BELIEVE ME.
POOR MR. HUMPHRIES,
THE VEINS ARE STANDING OU
ON 'IS FOREHEAD.
HE CERTAINLY KNOWS
HOW TO THROW HIMSELF
INTO THINGS, DON'T HE?
I HOPE HE DON'
STRAIN NOTHIN'.
I DON'T THINK
HE'LL DAMAGE ANYTHING
HE'S GONNA USE.
HOW MUCH FURTHER?
ONLY A FEW YARDS.
HOW ARE YOU BEARING UP,
MR. HUMPHRIES?
I'M EXHAUSTED.
THIS IS THE FIRS
THING I'VE PULLED
SINCE WE GOT HERE.
I DON'T WAN
TO SPOIL YOUR FUN,
BUT YOU'VE GONE
OVER MY WHITE LINES,
AND YOU'VE MADE ABOU
FOUR MORE CREASES.
OH, DEAR.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA
DO ABOUT THAT?
YOU WERE GUIDING US.
I SUGGEST YOU GE
A POT OF GREEN PAIN
AND PAINT THEM OUT.
NOW, WHAT DO
WE DO NEXT?
I'M NOT SURE
WE'VE GONE ABOUT THIS
THE RIGHT WAY.
YOU'D THINK THEY'D HAVE SEN
A BOOK OF INSTRUCTIONS.
OH, HERE'S DAD,
HE'LL KNOW.
WHAT A BLOOMIN' MESS.
I NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE I
IN ALL ME LIFE.
GOD'S TRUTH.
YOU'RE MAKING
A RIGHT PIG OF THAT,
AIN'T YOU?
YOU'RE DOIN' I
ALL WRONG,
ALTOGETHER WRONG.
A CONSTRUCTIVE
SUGGESTION
WOULDN'T GO AMISS,
MR. MOULTERD.
WELL
YOU SEE THEM POLES?
THEY'RE WHAT HOLDS IT UP.
THEY'RE NO GOOD
ON THE OUTSIDE.
THEY GOTTA BE
ON THE INSIDE.
SO, WHAT DO
WE DO?
WELL, 'TIS LIKE THIS.
THE SPIKES ON THE POLES
MUST GO IN THE HOLES.
WHAT HOLES,
MR. MOULTERD?
THEM HOLES!
NOW, I TELL YOU WHAT,
YOU TWO,
HOLD THE TENT FOR US.
GRAB A POLE,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE
TO PUT IT.
THIS IS JUST LIKE
OLD TIMES, AIN'T IT?
MR. MOULTERD, I HAVE
NO RECOLLECTION
OF ANYTHING
OCCURRING BETWEEN US
IN "OLD TIMES,"
AS YOU PUT IT,
OTHER THAN
A BRIEF ENCOUNTER
IN TIVERTON.
OH, HOITY-TOITY!
LOOK, CAN WE
GET ON WITH THIS?
GO ON, THEN.
CAPTAIN PEACOCK:
WHAT'S GOING ON?
MR. MOULTERD IS
HELPING MRS. SLOCOMBE
PUT THE POLES
IN THE HOLES.
MRS. SLOCOMBE:
MR. MOULTERD,
WILL YOU PLEASE
BE CAREFUL
WHERE YOU'RE
PUTTING YOUR POLE?
I WAS ONLY SHOWIN' YA
SO YOU'D KNOW NEXT TIME.
THERE'S NOT GOING
TO BE A "NEXT TIME"!
I'M GETTIN' MINE IN.
HOW IS IT FOR YOU?
OH, NO. I'VE GO
QUITE A LONG WAY
TO GO, YET.
DON'T YOU THINK
WE OUGHT TO GIVE THEM A HAND?
THEY SEEM TO BE
MANAGING VERY WELL.
MRS. SLOCOMBE:
OH! THE DRATTED THING
SLIPPED OUT.
MOVE OVER,
I'LL DO IT!
STAY WHERE YOU ARE,
MR. MOULTERD.
UNH! AH!
I'VE DONE IT!
IT'S OBVIOUSLY
MORE COMPLICATED
THAN IT LOOKS.
ME DAD HASN'T DONE I
FOR A LONG TIME.
WELL! I SHAN'T BE DOING
THAT AGAIN IN A HURRY.
MR. RUMBOLD:
WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
MR. MOULTERD:
WE GOTTA BANG
ON THE KNOBS
AND WE NEEDS
A GOOD PULL.
HERE THEY ARE.
NOW, SHOVE 'EM
ON THE SPIKES.
I'LL TAKE ONE
OF THOSE.
DON'T OVERDO IT,
MR. RUMBOLD.
NOW WE NEEDS
A BIT OF WEIGH
ON THE OTHER END
OF THE POLES.
YOU PUT YOUR FOO
ON THAT ONE.
YOU HEAVY ENOUGH.
I'LL LOOK AFTER
THIS ONE.
THE REST OF YA,
TAKE THE ROPES.
NOW, YOU LEAVE ALL
THE PULLIN' TO ME,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
YOU'VE DONE MORE THAN
YOUR FAIR SHARE TODAY.
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LE
YOU GO ON THAT ROLLER.
I WAS GETTING
VARICOSE VEINS
IN ME FOREHEAD.
YOU READY?
MISS LOVELOCK, WILL YOU
GIVE US A START?
HOW DO YOU
SUGGEST I DO THAT,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
LIFT THE POLE
A FEW FEET,
AND WE'LL GO
THE REST OF THE WAY.
I WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGH
IT WOULD TAKE EIGHT GROWN PEOPLE
TO RAISE ONE SMALL MARQUEE.
MR. MOULTERD:
READY? HEAVE!
CAPTAIN PEACOCK:
THAT INCLUDES YOU,
MR. RUMBOLD.
HEAVE! HEAVE!
HEAVE! HEAVE!
MRS. SLOCOMBE:
AARGH!
I ALWAYS SAY, IF AT FIRS
YOU DON'T SUCCEED
GET SOMEBODY ELSE
TO DO IT.
OH, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?
I'M MAKING SOMETHI"
FOR THE CRICKET TEA.
WHAT ARE THEY?
WELL, I'VE DONE
THE SANDWICHES
AND THE SCONES.
I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE
SOME GINGERBREAD MEN.
OH, DO YOU KNOW,
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO MAKE THESE?
BUT ME MOTHER
WOULDN'T LET ME
AFTER THE FIRST TIME.
SHE DIDN'T LIKE
WHERE I WAS PUTTING
THE CURRANTS.
WELL, YOU CAN
HAVE A GO NOW.
BUT YOU'VE GOTTA
LET ME GIVE YOU
A LITTLE KISS
FIRST.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
GO ON, THEN.
( SMACK )
IS IT ALL OVER WITH?
YES, YOU CAN OPEN
YOUR EYES NOW.
THAT WAS QUITE NICE,
REALLY.
D'YOU WAN
ANOTHER ONE?
NO! NO!
THANK YOU.
THAT'S JUST ENOUGH.
I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW
HOW NICE YOU ARE.
IT'S NOT THAT, MAVIS.
IT'S JUST THAT
WELL
I THINK WE SHOULD KEEP
OUR RELATIONSHIP
AS IT IS.
JUST SHARING
A BED TOGETHER.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE DON'T WANT PEOPLE
TO TALK, DO WE?
THEY'RE TALKING
ALREADY.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
GET MARRIED?
THAT'D STOP
PEOPLE TALKIN'.
IT'D STOP ME
TALKING.
YOU KNOW, MAVIS,
JUST THINK OF US
AS MAKING
GINGERBREAD MEN
TOGETHER.
YOU DON'
WANNA SHARE
A BED TOGETHER
NO MORE?
WELL, ACTUALLY, NO.
THAT'S WORKING OU
QUITE WELL,
ESPECIALLY
IN THE COLD WEATHER.
THERE'S SOMETHING
I MUST EXPLAIN.
YOU SEE
THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN US.
WELL, THERE'S
A BIG DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN ME, ANYWAY.
I MEAN,
YOU'RE VERY YOUNG,
AND I'M
WELL, I MEAN,
LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY,
IF MY LIFE
WAS A TRAIN RIDE,
FROM LONDON TO BIRMINGHAM,
I'VE JUST GONE
FLAT OUT PAST RUGBY.
OH, I DON'T CARE.
I STILL WAN
TO BE THERE
WHEN YOU HI
THE BUFFERS.
NOW LOOK WHA
YOU'VE MADE ME DO.
THERE'S SO MANY CURRANTS
ON THAT,
IT LOOKS AS THOUGH
HE'S GOT CHICKENPOX.
UH-UH!
"WATER CARRIER OR BASEBALL
PLAYER," SEVEN LETTERS?
PITCHER.
OH, THANK YOU.
THAT'S THE ANSWER
I WAS JUST PUTTING IN.
D'YOU GET A PRIZE
FOR DOING THAT?
NOT IN THE "TIMES."
IT JUST EXERCISES THE MIND.
MIND YOU, I SUPPOSE THAT'S
ALL YOU CAN EXERCISE NOW.
MR. MOULTERD HAS
JUST BROUGHT ROUND
THIS BAG
OF CRICKETING GEAR.
ARE YOU FREE,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK?
SOMETHING WITH BIG EARS,
FOUR EYES, FULL OF WIND,
AND DOESN'T WORK.
IS THAT A CLUE?
NO, MORE A COMMENT.
I'VE DRAWN UP
A BATTING ORDER.
I SHALL OPEN THE INNINGS
WITH CAPTAIN PEACOCK,
WE'LL WEAR DOWN
THE BOWLERS.
YOU COULD DO THA
JUST BY TALKING TO 'EM.
DO WE UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY
APPOINTED YOURSELF
CAPTAIN?
WELL, I'M QUITE
PREPARED TO STEP ASIDE,
IF ANYONE ELSE THINKS
THEY'RE BETTER QUALIFIED.
YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW,
THAT IN MY LAST TERM,
I HIT A SIX,
TO WIN THE SCHOOL MATCH.
WELL, I ONCE HIT TWO FOURS.
ANY ADVANCE ON EIGHT?
THE CAPTAIN HAS TO BUY
THE WINNING TEAM
A ROUND OF DRINKS.
IN THAT CASE,
MR. RUMBOLD'S THE CAPTAIN.
AH.
THEN THERE'S
MISS LOVELOCK.
I'VE LEF
THE REST OPEN
UNTIL WE SEE
WHAT SORT OF PEOPLE
MOULTERD PRODUCES.
NOW, WHEN IT'S
OUR TURN TO FIELD,
B. SLOCOMBE WILL
OPEN THE BOWLING.
I'M SORRY,
MR. RUMBOLD,
BUT I'VE PU
MY SHOULDER OUT,
UNDER THE TENT.
OH, PUTTING THE POLE
IN THE HOLE?
FENDING OFF MR. MOULTERD.
OH, DEAR. THAT'S
A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT.
I FOUND THE OLD BAT.
THANK YOU, MR. MOULTERD.
MIND YOU, I WAS QUITE GOOD
BEHIND THE WICKET.
NOT HALF AS GOOD
AS SHE WAS
BEHIND
THE SIGHTSCREENS.
IF HE WAS A NEWSPAPER,
YOU COULD SUE HIM
FOR DEFORMING
YOUR CHARACTER.
HE OBVIOUSLY HAS
VERY FOND MEMORIES OF YOU.
YOU'RE PROBABLY THE FIRST GIRL
HE EVER KISSED.
I DIDN'T KISS HIM!
IT'S ALL
IN HIS IMAGINATION.
WELL, HE'S OBVIOUSLY HAD
A LITTLE CANDLE
BURNING FOR YOU
ALL THESE YEARS.
WELL, I NEVER LIT HIS WICK,
AND THAT'S FOR SURE!
MORNING, EVERYBODY.
ALL:
MORNING, MR. THORPE.
YOU REMEMBER
MY SECRETARY,
UH, MISS
PRESCOTT.
THANK YOU.
WE'VE BROUGH
SOME PAPERS DOWN
FOR YOU TO SIGN.
WE THOUGHT IT BES
TO LIQUIDATE
OUR INTERES
IN THE RANGOON
GASMANTLE COMPANY.
OH, DO WE GET MORE LOLLY,
IF WE DO?
WELL, YOU GET LESS,
IF YOU DON'T.
WE ARE RENTING
THE BANGKOK FACTORY
OUT TO A LOCAL
BUSINESSMAN.
WHAT WAS HIS NAME,
MISS, UH
PRESCOTT.
NO, NO.
THE BUSINESSMAN.
HWONG PING WANG.
WHAT DOES HE DO?
MAKE BANJOS?
HE INTENDS
TO USE THE PREMISES
AS A MASSAGE PARLOR.
OH, DEAR. I DON'T THINK
WE COULD BE A PARTY TO THAT.
WELL, IT'D RAISE
THE, UH
RAISE THE, UH
RETURN, TENFOLD.
OH. WELL
AS LONG AS IT'S
NICELY RUN, MR. RUMBOLD.
I GOT THE BLOKES THAT'S
GONNA MAKE UP THE TEAM.
SHALL I BRING 'EM IN?
THEY'LL TAKE
THEIR BOOTS OFF FIRST.
NO, NO, NO. TAKE THEM
ROUND TO THE KITCHEN
AND WASH THEM
UNDER THE OUTSIDE TAP.
OH, AND MISS LITTLEWOOD SAID,
"CAN YOU FIND A UMPIRE?"
OH, DEAR.
THAT'S A BIT OF A POSER.
HMM. DO YOU HAVE
TO HURRY AWAY,
MR. THORPE?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHEN'S MY NEX
APPOINTMENT,
MISS PRESCOTT?
A WEEK ON TUESDAY,
IN BANGKOK.
OH, YES,
OF COURSE.
ALL SORT OF LITTLE, UH,
FIDDLY LITTLE LEGAL THINGS
TO BE STRAIGHTENED OUT.
I THOUGHT PERHAPS
YOU MIGHT DO
A SPOT OF UMPIRING FOR US.
IN BANGKOK?
NO, HERE, MR. THORPE.
OH, YES. YES, DELIGHTED.
HOW'S THAT LEMONADE
COMING ALONG,
MR. HUMPHRIES?
I'VE SQUEEZED
52 ALREADY.
WELL, PUT THE SKINS
IN THE BINS
WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED.
OH, NO! I'M GOING
TO SAVE THEM FOR ME ELBOWS.
THIS IS ALFIE.
THIS IS DICK.
THIS IS JESSIE.
THIS IS
MR. HUMPHRIES.
HE'S TOOK OVER
FROM THE CHEF.
HELLO, HELLO.
IS JESSIE SHOR
FOR ANYTHING?
NO, THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN
A JESSIE IN OUR FAMILY.
REALLY?
MALCOLM!
ARE YOU
PLAYIN' FOR WE?
NO, I'VE BEEN CHOSEN
FOR TENDER BOTTOM.
DID YOU GET MY NOTE
UNDER OUR ROCK?
I HAVEN'T BEEN
THAT WAY LATELY.
THIS IS
MR. HUMPHRIES.
OH. THERE'S TALK
IN THE VILLAGE
ABOUT YOU.
OH, REALLY?
ANYTHING I
SHOULD KNOW?
WORD IS, YOU'VE BEEN
SETTIN' YOUR CAP
AT MAVIS HERE.
THAT'S NONE
OF YOUR BUSINESS,
MALCOLM HEATHCLIFF!
IF ONE NIGHT,
YOU BE WALKIN'
DOWN A DARK LANE,
DON'T BE SURPRISED
IF YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
I'LL BE VERY SURPRISED
IF I'M THERE AT ALL.
YOU BE ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS,
MALCOLM HEATHCLIFF.
YOU'RE NOT WELCOME
IN THIS HOUSE.
THERE'S NOTHIN'
BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
AND THERE
NEVER WILL BE.
WILL YOU TELL HIM,
MR. HUMPHRIES?
WELL, I THINK YOU'VE
MADE THAT QUITE PLAIN.
THAT'S AS MAY BE,
BUT HE'S NOT GONNA HAVE YOU!
- OOH!
- DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
( CHUCKLING )
LEMONADE?
NO PITH.
MR. MOULTERD
WILL OPEN
THE BOWLING.
HE SAYS HE
GETS AN EDGE ON
OCCASIONALLY.
SO LET'S SEE,
WHO'S NEXT?
MR. HUMPHRIES,
YOU'D BETTER BE
IN THE SLIPS.
DO YOU KNOW, I WAS
ABOUT TO SUGGEST THAT?
WHAT ABOUT ME?
YOU'LL BE
SECOND SLIP.
PEACOCK GULLY,
AND I'LL BE
SILLY MID-ON.
RIGHT, OFF WE GO.
COME ALONG,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
I'M SORRY
TO KEEP YOU WAITING,
BUT I WAS ALL DONE UP,
AND I HAD TO GO
TO THE LADIES.
CAN I HELP?
YES, DEAR.
YOU CAN PUT UP
THE NUMBERS,
WHEN I TELL YOU
THE SCORE.
I'VE HAD A LOOK
AT THE RULES.
SOME OF THE SIGNALS
ARE RATHER CONFUSING,
BUT I THINK I'LL
GET THE HANG OF IT.
AM I THE ONLY UMPIRE?
NO, MY COLLEAGUE
ON THE BENCH
WILL BE
AT THE OTHER END.
OH.
ARE YOU READY,
SIR ROBERT?
OH, IT'S YOU AGAIN.
YOU'RE THAT CLEVER DICK
LAWYER FROM LONDON.
WE MET IN MY COURT.
I WAS ONLY DOING
MY BES
ON BEHALF
OF MRS. SLOCOMBE.
OH AND A RIGHT DOG'S DINNER
YOU MADE OF IT.
LET'S GET OUT THERE.
NOW, MISS BRAHMS
SHOULDN'T BE
OUT THERE
WITHOUT A HAT ON
IN THIS SUN.
LOOK, I'VE GO
A SPARE ONE.
RUN AND GIVE I
TO HER.
THERE'S A GOOD GIRL.
REMEMBER,
MRS. SLOCOMBE,
IF HE LOOKS LIKE
GETTING HALF AN INCH
OUT OF THE CREASE,
WHIP HIS BAILS OFF.
YOU CAN RELY ON ME,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
MRS. SLOCOMBE?
YES?
OH!
PLAY.
JUST A MOMENT.
SORRY.
IS HE LEAVIN' US?
HE'S PACING OU
HIS RUN.
I SHOULD STAND BACK
A BIT, MRS. SLOCOMBE.
HE'S DIGGING IN.
WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?
WELL, DON'T ASK ME.
I HARDLY KNOW HIM.
WHATEVER HE'S DOING,
HE'S VERY THOROUGH.
HE'S SHINING
THE BALL.
OH, HE'LL WEAR IT OUT.
WOULDN'T STAND THERE,
IF I WERE YOU.
MY SLASHES CAN REACH
THE BOUNDARY.
THAT'S QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT,
I'M SURE.
LOOK OUT. HERE IT COMES.
MR. MOULTERD:
HOWZAT?
HOWZAT?
JUST A MINUTE.
YOU DON'T NEED
THE BOOK FOR THAT,
YOU OLD DUFFER!
HE'S OUT!
OH, YES
UM
AH OH
OUT!
MISS LOVELOCK:
WELL DONE!
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE
TO REGRET THIS DAY.
I'M VERY UPSE
ABOUT IT ALREADY.
RIGHT, THEN.
HOW WE DOIN'?
IT'S A PRETTY
DESPERATE SITUATION.
WE'D BE IN
A VERY STRONG POSITION
IF YOU HADN'T PU
MR. HUMPHRIES ON TO BOWL.
DO YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK
THAT BAD TEMPERED UMPIRE
LIKES ME.
EVERY TIME I WENT NEAR
THE WICKET,
HE SHOUTED, "NO BALLS!"
STILL,
THEY ONLY MADE 85.
WE JUST NEED
ANOTHER 15.
I'M SURE MR. MOULTERD
CAN EASILY MAKE THA
FOR US,
IF MR. HUMPHRIES
CAN KEEP HIS END UP.
I'LL DO MY VERY BEST.
YOU WEREN'T THINKI"
OF EATIN'
THAT LAST SANDWICH,
WERE YOU?
NO, NO,
OF COURSE NOT.
NO, I JUS
PICKED IT UP FOR YOU.
MUSTARD?
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET BACK
WHILE THE LIGHT'S
GOOD.
GOOD LUCK,
MR. HUMPHRIES.
WHATEVER HAPPENS,
I'M PROUD O' YOU.
THANK YOU.
I'LL LOOK AFTER
THE BATTIN',
YOU GET READY
TO RUN.
IS THAT CLEAR?
PERFECTLY.
IF YOU GOTTA BAT,
WATCH OU
FOR HIS GOOGLIES.
I SHALL BE VERY ALERT.
THAT HA
SUITS YOU SO WELL.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KEEP IT,
AS A MEMENTO OF THE OCCASION?
I DON'T THINK
I'LL FORGET IT.
OOF!
YES!
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- RUN!
- DON'T STAND THERE!
AND ANOTHER.
WE'LL GET ANOTHER.
OH, I DON'T THINK WE CAN.
YES!
HOWZAT?
OUT!
DRAT!
IT ALL HANGS ON YOU,
MRS. SLOCOMBE.
I BEG YOUR PARDON,
MR. RUMBOLD?
HE MEANS
THE MATCH.
OH.
EXCUSE ME,
CAPTAIN PEACOCK.
ME BRACES WENT.
LOOKS LIKE IT'S
ALL UP WITH US NOW.
I WONDER IF SHE SHOULD'VE
HAD HER READING GLASSES?
OH, I DON'T THINK THE TAIL
IS GOING TO WAG.
AH, JESSICA,
YOU DID VERY WELL.
I THINK YOU'RE DEFINITELY
THE MAN OF THE MATCH.
I WAS DEFINITELY
NOT OUT LEG
BEFORE WICKET!
WELL, ANYWAY,
IT WAS A VERY SHAPELY LEG.
( SPITS )
I'VE BEEN WAITIN' FOR THIS.
BYE.
'BYE.
NO, MR. HUMPHRIES.
COME BACK.
THAT'S ANOTHER FOUR.
THAT WERE GOOD,
THE WAY HE LET THAT GO.
A SNAP DECISION.
I HIT IT!
OH, MRS. SLOCOMBE,
WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE?
I'VE JUST RUN DOWN
THE PITCH.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
AT THE OTHER END.
SPECTATORS, SHOUTING:
RUN, RUN!
RUN! COME!
ALL:
RUN! RUN!
YES! NOT OUT.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
HE SAID "NOT OUT!"
DO YOU WANNA
MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT?
ANY MORE FROM YOU
AND I'LL SHOW YOU
THE YELLOW CARD!
EVERYTHING DEPENDS
ON MR. HUMPHRIES.
I CAN'T BEAR TO WATCH.
PULL THE BRIM
FURTHER DOWN.
( BREATHING HARD )
( CHANTING )
RUN! RUN!
KEEP RUNNIN'
FOUR.
FIVE.
KEEP RUNNIN'!
SIX!
SEVEN!
YOU CAN STOP NOW.
WE'VE WON!
( ALL CHEERING )
HE'S COMIN' ROUND.
THEY SAY
WE CAN STOP NOW.
YOU MIGH
BE ABLE TO STOP.
I'D BETTER KEEP RUNNING.
( THEME MUSIC PLAYING )