Axe Cop (2013) s02e02 Episode Script
Heads Will Roll
- Goo-rilla is attacking the city.
- What are we gonna do? I'm going to go back in time and get Ice Vikings.
Watch out! Ice Viking horns freeze acid goo.
Once Goo-rilla is frozen I will chop his head off.
Viking Cop! Sven, Svoren, Svaaren, Vjorgen, Senja, Rintamaiki, attack! Axe Cop, you've broken every normal cop rule in the book.
Oh, come on, Axe Cop just defeated Goo-rilla and saved everybody.
Be that as it may, the normal cop rules are as follows: only use a gun, no going back in time, no inviting Ice Vikings to our time and absolutely no axes! Cuff him, boys.
One day, at the scene of the fire, the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! _ So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
_ _ I will chop your heads off! Hey, look! The new fish is Axe Cop.
- Hello, Warden.
- Hmm the one and only Axe Cop, here in my prison.
Take a look around.
Tell me what you see.
- Bad guys.
- Right.
Shoo.
Bad guys with their heads still on.
Now I'm a man of the law.
I can't do much about their heads, but maybe you have some ideas, hm? Have fun, Axe Cop.
Hey, I'm free! I'm free! - What? - Oh my gosh, Axe Cop.
I'm so sorry this is taking so long.
There's so much red tape bureaucracy with normal justice.
But know this, I am your loyal partner and I'm going to get you out of here before you can finish the alphabet.
- I'm never leaving here.
- Axe Cop, don't give up so soon.
I know it seems bleak, but we're pooling all our money to get you out.
I even dipped into Uni-Baby's college fund.
Please don't tell the missus.
But I don't want to leave.
Prison is the best! Monday is gym day.
The bad guys get to exercise and I chop their heads off.
Tuesday is movie day.
The bad guys get to watch movies and I chop their heads off.
Wednesday is game day.
- Duck, duck - The bad guys get to play games - Shh Chop! - and I chop their heads off.
Thursday is family day.
Well, you get the idea.
Axe Cop, does the Warden know you're doing this? Yes, the Warden loves it.
He does? I don't know, Axe Cop, something about this sounds really suspicious.
- Hey, visiting hours are over.
- Bye.
What's wrong with you, Greg? If we damage these heads we're gonna end up in one of these crates.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have snapped at you, man.
I just never been around so much death before.
Yeah, let's go get some mops and clean this mess up.
Bad guy heads? What are these guys doing with all of these? - Load 'em up! - Oh! You did good today, Axe Cop.
We got truckloads of new bad guys coming in tomorrow, so get a good night's sleep.
Lights out.
What the heck? Oh, no.
They're growing bad guys.
Oh, no no.
Shh, shh, come on, little guy.
Shh, shh.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
Oh, no, no.
Shh, shh! Well, hello.
You must be the Flute Cop, Axe Cop's loyal partner.
Allow me to show you around my bad guys greenery.
Now? Uh, okay.
When a child is born, no one knows if he's gonna be a good guy or a bad guy.
What I've done here is taken that uncertainty and crushed it.
For every one bad guy's head I plant, I can grow a thousand stronger and worser new bad guys.
Why would you need to grow so many bad guys? For the money, you fool.
I'll auction my bad guys army off to the highest bidder, and he can do with them whatever he wishes.
And the best part is, Axe Cop is helping me to do it.
Oh no, Axe Cop.
But there is one problem, you see.
The bad guys we grow are just too bad.
What the heck? Oh, that's too bad.
I guess it was all just a waste of time then.
It was a waste of time until you showed up.
- You don't say? - To make the perfect bad guy, you need a little bit of a good guy.
A little bit of flute guy.
Guards, grab him! - Hey! - Whoa! Ooh! Oh, my flute! Huh? Flute Cop's in trouble.
Wexter! Well, hello.
Supposedly my last crop of bad guys was prone to turning on their masters.
Today, I am proud to announce we are the first and only bad guys greenery to fertilize their product with the rare loyalty gene from Axe Cop loyal partner, the Flute Cop.
Allow me to demonstrate.
- Bad guy, how are you feeling? - Loyal.
- Tell my friends what you want to do.
- Whatever my master tells me.
To be a great bad guy you need a little good guy inside you.
I will open the bidding for bad guy army at $1.
- $1 - $1.
$5? - $5.
- I bid $10.
- $10 to the man in the hat.
- I bid $200.
$200? My dear sir, I hope you understand - that every bid is taken very seriously.
- I'm always serious.
Axe Cop? - Axe Cop! - This is perfect.
A live demonstration.
Loyal bad guy people, kill Axe Cop.
No.
What? Why are you not killing Axe Cop? You forgot the most important thing: Flute Cop is only loyal to me, and now so are your bad guy plant people.
Bad guy plant people - Huh? - attack all the bad guy bosses! No! No! You are ruin everything! You are mad! The evil Warden's head; going once, going twice! And chopped by the gentleman with the axe.
Well, I guess we should start rehabilitating these bad guy plants into contributing members of society.
I have a better idea.
- Bad guy plant army.
- Huh? Kill each other.
Our job here is done, Flute Cop.
I've got to get back to prison.
It's Friday.
And on Friday, it's parole hearing day.
Parole is granted.
Congratulations, you are free to go.
- Yeah, I'm free to go! - Wrong! You're free to die.
- What are we gonna do? I'm going to go back in time and get Ice Vikings.
Watch out! Ice Viking horns freeze acid goo.
Once Goo-rilla is frozen I will chop his head off.
Viking Cop! Sven, Svoren, Svaaren, Vjorgen, Senja, Rintamaiki, attack! Axe Cop, you've broken every normal cop rule in the book.
Oh, come on, Axe Cop just defeated Goo-rilla and saved everybody.
Be that as it may, the normal cop rules are as follows: only use a gun, no going back in time, no inviting Ice Vikings to our time and absolutely no axes! Cuff him, boys.
One day, at the scene of the fire, the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! _ So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
_ _ I will chop your heads off! Hey, look! The new fish is Axe Cop.
- Hello, Warden.
- Hmm the one and only Axe Cop, here in my prison.
Take a look around.
Tell me what you see.
- Bad guys.
- Right.
Shoo.
Bad guys with their heads still on.
Now I'm a man of the law.
I can't do much about their heads, but maybe you have some ideas, hm? Have fun, Axe Cop.
Hey, I'm free! I'm free! - What? - Oh my gosh, Axe Cop.
I'm so sorry this is taking so long.
There's so much red tape bureaucracy with normal justice.
But know this, I am your loyal partner and I'm going to get you out of here before you can finish the alphabet.
- I'm never leaving here.
- Axe Cop, don't give up so soon.
I know it seems bleak, but we're pooling all our money to get you out.
I even dipped into Uni-Baby's college fund.
Please don't tell the missus.
But I don't want to leave.
Prison is the best! Monday is gym day.
The bad guys get to exercise and I chop their heads off.
Tuesday is movie day.
The bad guys get to watch movies and I chop their heads off.
Wednesday is game day.
- Duck, duck - The bad guys get to play games - Shh Chop! - and I chop their heads off.
Thursday is family day.
Well, you get the idea.
Axe Cop, does the Warden know you're doing this? Yes, the Warden loves it.
He does? I don't know, Axe Cop, something about this sounds really suspicious.
- Hey, visiting hours are over.
- Bye.
What's wrong with you, Greg? If we damage these heads we're gonna end up in one of these crates.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have snapped at you, man.
I just never been around so much death before.
Yeah, let's go get some mops and clean this mess up.
Bad guy heads? What are these guys doing with all of these? - Load 'em up! - Oh! You did good today, Axe Cop.
We got truckloads of new bad guys coming in tomorrow, so get a good night's sleep.
Lights out.
What the heck? Oh, no.
They're growing bad guys.
Oh, no no.
Shh, shh, come on, little guy.
Shh, shh.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
Oh, no, no.
Shh, shh! Well, hello.
You must be the Flute Cop, Axe Cop's loyal partner.
Allow me to show you around my bad guys greenery.
Now? Uh, okay.
When a child is born, no one knows if he's gonna be a good guy or a bad guy.
What I've done here is taken that uncertainty and crushed it.
For every one bad guy's head I plant, I can grow a thousand stronger and worser new bad guys.
Why would you need to grow so many bad guys? For the money, you fool.
I'll auction my bad guys army off to the highest bidder, and he can do with them whatever he wishes.
And the best part is, Axe Cop is helping me to do it.
Oh no, Axe Cop.
But there is one problem, you see.
The bad guys we grow are just too bad.
What the heck? Oh, that's too bad.
I guess it was all just a waste of time then.
It was a waste of time until you showed up.
- You don't say? - To make the perfect bad guy, you need a little bit of a good guy.
A little bit of flute guy.
Guards, grab him! - Hey! - Whoa! Ooh! Oh, my flute! Huh? Flute Cop's in trouble.
Wexter! Well, hello.
Supposedly my last crop of bad guys was prone to turning on their masters.
Today, I am proud to announce we are the first and only bad guys greenery to fertilize their product with the rare loyalty gene from Axe Cop loyal partner, the Flute Cop.
Allow me to demonstrate.
- Bad guy, how are you feeling? - Loyal.
- Tell my friends what you want to do.
- Whatever my master tells me.
To be a great bad guy you need a little good guy inside you.
I will open the bidding for bad guy army at $1.
- $1 - $1.
$5? - $5.
- I bid $10.
- $10 to the man in the hat.
- I bid $200.
$200? My dear sir, I hope you understand - that every bid is taken very seriously.
- I'm always serious.
Axe Cop? - Axe Cop! - This is perfect.
A live demonstration.
Loyal bad guy people, kill Axe Cop.
No.
What? Why are you not killing Axe Cop? You forgot the most important thing: Flute Cop is only loyal to me, and now so are your bad guy plant people.
Bad guy plant people - Huh? - attack all the bad guy bosses! No! No! You are ruin everything! You are mad! The evil Warden's head; going once, going twice! And chopped by the gentleman with the axe.
Well, I guess we should start rehabilitating these bad guy plants into contributing members of society.
I have a better idea.
- Bad guy plant army.
- Huh? Kill each other.
Our job here is done, Flute Cop.
I've got to get back to prison.
It's Friday.
And on Friday, it's parole hearing day.
Parole is granted.
Congratulations, you are free to go.
- Yeah, I'm free to go! - Wrong! You're free to die.