Better Things (2016) s02e02 Episode Script

1 (RODNEY AND SAM GRUNTING) (LAUGHS) (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, wow.
Holy shit! Whoo-hoo! (PANTING) Did you? What? Did you? Did you have an orgasm? Oh.
Oh.
Oh, that doesn't matter.
Well, it matters to me.
What? I'd like to know that I've satisfied you.
Oh.
(SIGHS) That's okay.
- It's important to me.
- Well, here is a little way you can look at it.
If you ask a woman, "Did you come?" and her answer is, "It doesn't matter," what do you think? Oh.
Come on.
We got to go to the thing.
(GRUNTS) Get dressed.
Oh, I'm so hungry.
Hungry.
Mother You had me But I never had you I wanted you You didn't want me.
Does this plug in, so I can play mine? Why do you always do that? What? I like music.
(SCOFFS) I like yours, too, but I'm not I don't.
I mean you always want to have sex before we go out.
(SCOFFS) You didn't want to? It's not that.
We had to hurry.
The thing starts soon.
It's not you've just you always do that.
You always say, "Let's have sex," before we go places.
What What's the question? Why do you always do that? Oh Because You know what happens? I just I want to get it out of the way.
(QUIETLY) Yeah.
Out of the way? Yeah.
Yeah, I figure if we if we do it, then we can just go out after.
Why, though? Because, after, I just want to go home and and I figure if I fuck you now, then you're not gonna want me to come over and do a whole thing, or you're not gonna want to come in my house.
And this just gets it out of the way, and then everybody can just go home.
So sex with me is like a chore to you? Do you enjoy having sex with me? Oh, my God.
Please don't ask questions like that.
Why do you ask questions like that? There are no good answers.
The only answers to questions like that are lies and bad news.
Oh.
And Bing Crosby is in his living room and David Bowie walks in, and they start singing "Little Drummer Boy.
" - Do you remember that? - Yes, amazing.
- I love it.
- I-I never saw that.
David Bowie and Bill Cosby? Bing Crosby.
(LAUGHS) What? No (LAUGHTER) Oh, I am so sorry.
That's okay.
- That would have been different - You're young.
If Bill Cosby sang with David Bowie.
(CHUCKLES) So, do you guys have kids? - No, no.
- Yeah.
No Don't do that.
Yeah, well, this is a strange time to bring a child into the world, isn't? Well, we-we like to travel.
That's our thing, so kids - Yeah.
- They put a damper on that.
Where do you guys like to travel? Oh, well, this weekend, we're shooting up to You guys should totally come with us.
We're renting a sweet little house.
Oh, us? Oh, no, we're not together.
You're not? Nope.
We're not a thing.
But that's so cool.
Is that your wedding ring? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
Good night.
Good night? What do you mean "good night"? You're my ride home.
No.
We're not together, remember? We're not a thing.
Oh, wait, are you mad? Why would I drive you home? Why would I spend one more second with you the way you've acted towards me? The way you talk to me, the lack of respect, or ever trying to be nice to me Like, I can't even remember even you saying something nice to me.
Uh, "It doesn't matter.
" "We're not a thing.
" "I didn't not like having sex with you.
" I didn't say that last one.
All you do is hurt people.
Oh, wow.
I Look, I'm sorry, but it's just I feel like you keep testing me.
Like you demand a certain level of thing from me.
All I ask for is basic consideration.
Like just common courtesy would be nice.
No, I don't think that's accurate at all.
I feel like you demand a whole lot Too much, frankly, considering what you bring to the table.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, really? Yeah.
If you want to know the truth, you need a lot, and you give little.
That is so insulting.
Well, that may be true, but I think you kind of have it coming.
(SCOFFS) You are so mean.
Oh, my God, fine.
Okay, I'm mean.
Jesus Christ, why does everybody have to be so careful all the time with the man's feelings.
"Ooh, don't hurt the man.
His feelings are so important.
" You guys are supposed to be tough.
You're such pussies.
The second a woman is a tiny bit mean to a man or even just a tiny bit honest, she's a bitch.
I don't use that word.
Come on.
Well, you should start.
If you curse once in a while, it might make you a little bit sexy.
You talk like you play fucking first violin at the choir thing.
(LAUGHS) I'm sorry if I'm not the Marlboro Man.
No, you're really not.
And yet, you demand to know, "Did I make you come? "Do you like me? Do you like having sex with me?" Jesus Christ, she is so high maintenance, this one.
I mean, don't ask things if you don't want to know the real answers.
All I want to know is what you feel about me.
You want to know how I feel about you? Boo.
Boo on you.
Bad job.
Bad job.
You're no fun.
You're no fun.
Oh, God! I've hated you since the first minute of our first date, and I've been dating you for three weeks That is how nice I am! If I had been really honest, I would've said, "Nope," the second I met your face.
Look at that! And yet, how many times have I had sex with you? Like, ten times! That is how nice I am! Do you want to know why? Because I'm nice! Because you suck.
And I hang out with you.
(GROANS) We had sex before we came here, and now she's like, "Did I satisfy you?" Did I make you come?" Oh, my God.
Like, how many ways do I have to take care of this woman? And now, she's not driving me home.
And I sucked her dick.
Because I wasn't wet, at all.
Otherwise, it wouldn't have gotten in there.
I mean, that's how nice I am.
Thank you.
Oh well.
(VOICE BREAKING) Thanks so much.
Oh.
You're welcome.
I seriously, I should get the Nobel Prize.
- Yeah.
You - Because you are a bummer.
- Thank you.
Boo.
- Okay.
- Boo on you.
- (ENGINE STARTS) Thank you.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Good night.
That's cool.
I'll get an Uber.
Thank God for Uber.
This breakup brought to you by Uber! Good night! Good night, baby doll! (GROANING) (EXHALES) (EXHALES) Dick.
How come we don't have an English accent like Nan? Well, because we didn't grow up in England, honey.
You get an accent from years of living in a place.
Yeah, but Nan's lived here way longer than she's lived in England, so how come she has an accent? (CHUCKLES) Well, that's true, honey, but Nan doesn't always notice where she is.
You mean because she's elderly? Yeah, that's part of it.
But, you know, Phil is very Do you think she's gonna die soon? - What? - Is she gonna die soon? Honey, why are you thinking about that? You don't have to worry about that.
Because she talks about it all the time.
Yesterday, she told me I have to promise I'm gonna miss her.
Jesus, Duke, I'm telling you, that lady is gonna bury us all.
- Really? - Yes.
I'm telling you right now, your grandmother will never die.
(SIGHS) Why will you come back? I told you, honey, it's just two nights.
So Monday after school? Yeah, on Monday, Unky Jeff is gonna take you and Sorrow to school, and then I'm gonna pick you up after.
Okay? (KISSES) Gonna be fun.
- Knock, knock.
- (DUKE GASPS) SORROW: Come out back! We got a trampoline! Oh - Duke! - (GIGGLING) Well Are you good? Come here.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks.
(SIGHS) So, you okay? Yeah.
I mean, everything's kind of weird right now, you know.
I'm sitting for my kid in Sunny's house, while she goes off to Santa Barbara with her new rich boyfriend.
That's kind of a kick in the left nut.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, you kind of Made my bed? Yeah.
I did.
I built it.
And then I made it, and then I pissed in it, then I took a big, tasty shit in it, and now it's mine to sleep in.
- So - Yep.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You know what would help? If everyone didn't hate me so much.
(CLEARS THROAT) I don't hate you.
No, I hated you when you were married to Sunny because you were hurting her.
And now you're not, so now I just wish you well.
You mean that? Yeah.
Yeah, I mean it.
And I'm trusting you with my daughter so I could go visit your ex-wife at her new rich boyfriend's house in Santa Barbara.
Yeah, yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT) Seriously, though, buddy, I think this is good.
You can get your shit together.
You got some great in you somewhere.
I feel like.
Mm, yeah.
Yeah I doubt it.
But I understand what you mean.
(SIGHTS) Rock bottom.
(GROANS) Feels pretty sweet.
Pretty sweet.
Okay.
Sammy, have fun.
- Okay.
See you.
- All right.
Okay, guys.
(CLAPS) - Let's do this! Here we go.
- Okay.
Bye, Mama! I love you! Bye! Bye, guys.
All right.
Let's do a little bit of that! - All right.
- Okay.
DUKE: Okay, can you do this? JEFF: Oh, goodness, no.
SAM: Frankie, I just need you to stay with Bottle for two days.
Bottles parents don't allow Internet in the house.
So? That's good.
No, Mom, I need the Internet to do my homework.
Frankie, I hate when you use homework as an excuse to not do something.
Can't I just stay in our house? No, miss.
You and your sister gave that up with the party and the damage you've done to my home.
Thank you so much, Samuel.
Love you so much, too.
Oh, you're welcome.
Hi! WOMEN: Hi! - Hello, thank you.
- Hi.
(WHOOPS) - Yes, it's so fun.
- Welcome aboard.
It's gonna be good.
(QUIET CHATTER) Ladies, welcome aboard.
Here we go.
(QUIET CHATTER CONTINUES) - Welcome aboard.
- Hello, Captain! - How's everything going today? - My captain! Oh, my God.
I feel like I was meant to be here.
To all my friends! Thank you, Captain.
We need you, too, right? - You're coming? - PILOT: Yes, ma'am.
- SAM: Okay, thank God.
- Yeah, but he can't drink.
This is so hot! - I'm so excited.
- (LAUGHS) Yes.
Poppin' botties.
Look at you on a plane.
(SINGSONGY) Weekend away.
You know, I could get used to this.
- Mace, drink something.
- Mace, come on.
(PHONE VIBRATING) (SAM SIGHS) Hello? What? Mom, Bottle just told me they're fasting this weekend.
They're not even going to feed me.
Please, just let me stay in my own house.
Frankie, give me a break.
I had to find some place to put all you guys for the weekend, okay? I'm on the plane.
I'll call you when we land.
- Is that Frankie? - Yes.
Sorry.
- Give me the phone.
Gimme.
- Oh, boy.
- Okay.
All right.
- Yes.
Hey, Frankie.
It's aunt Sun.
Listen, your mom's on a trip now, okay? She is officially on a trip, so you can't talk to her anymore.
So just be a big girl, and put your big boy pants on, and figure your stuff out, okay? (CHUCKLING) Okay.
Love you.
Thank you.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, my God.
- Nice.
- Well done.
Two days without kids.
ALL: Yes! (ENGINE WHIRRING) - (PLANE RUMBLES) - Okay, I can't! Okay, guys, this guy this isn't gonna go up in the air.
I swear to God, if it is, I'm going with it.
Mace! No, no, no, look at me.
- No, seriously.
I'm not - Calm your tits.
- I really don't want to do it! - Calm your tits.
Mace, Mace! (ALL TALKING OVER EACH OTHER) PILOT: Everything okay back there? We're fine.
We're fine.
Open the door and let her out.
Open the freaking door and let her out.
I'm gonna actually drive there.
PILOT: Should we head back? MACY: You know what would be really nice? Is if everyone actually stop pacifying me.
- Wait, Macy.
- Seriously? SUNNY: Mace, honey, honey, come on.
- SAM: Oh, are you okay? - Yeah.
- Don't hit your head.
- I'll see you there.
- I Okay.
- More champagne for us.
I'll see you there.
(MACY PANTING) - SAM: I love you.
- (COUGHING) "Rolling Acres?" I mean, you know you are rich when you get to name your home.
Sunny, your boyfriend is stupid rich.
My home is called "House Full of Tiny Assholes with Vaginas".
- (LAUGHS) - Hey, guys, seriously, though, don't make bitchy comments about how rich he is every two seconds.
Oh, no, he brought us here on a jet because he's really very down-to-earth.
I don't want him to feel weird.
He is weird.
Look at this place.
(PLAYING MARIACHI MUSIC) - (MEN SINGING IN SPANISH) - (WOMEN CHATTERING QUIETLY) MARK: Welcome! Welcome, welcome.
The long wait is over! - My sunshine.
- Hi.
Okay, um (BOTH MOANING) - MARK: Wow.
That was worth it.
- (SUNNY GIGGLES) Hmm.
(KISSES) I love it.
Sounds so good.
- SUNNY: You're hilarious.
- Yes.
- Of course I am.
- MARK: Oh, that's funny.
- SUNNY: Oh, my God.
- Hello.
Hi.
This is Tressa.
It's a real pleasure.
- And Fancy.
- Hi.
Fancy.
Fancy.
Thank you for coming.
- Thanks so much.
- Oh, sure, yeah.
- Sam.
- Hi, Mark.
- Okay.
Yeah.
- Oh.
All right.
Well, let's work our way in.
Please.
Please.
- TRESSA: Of course.
- There's so much to do this weekend.
- Ooh, are these new flowers? - Food and drink to eat.
I love those.
And I just, I recently renamed the house to Casa Sunny.
- Just, let me - Oh.
Wow.
Make some introductions here quickly.
All right.
Not much better looking than me, my brother Charles and his lovely wife Elize.
ELIZE: Hi.
MARK: These two gentlemen back here, they tutor me in math.
(LAUGHTER) And you.
I'd like you to meet somebody.
Just for a second, just meet a friend of mine.
- O kay.
- Sam, this is Dalton.
Uh Oh, you know what? Actually, I have to be right back.
- Right back.
- SUNNY: Sam, honey, what? One sec, Sun, because I think I forgot something - in the-the golf cart thing.
- Wait, Sammy Hi.
Is there any way you could, like, take me somewhere, - really quick, if you don't mind? - Sure, yeah.
- Okay.
- Where are we going? You know, any just not here.
Not here is good.
Yeah.
(MARIACHI MUSIC CONTINUES) (SIGHS) (MARIACHI MUSIC CONTINUES) - I love the beach, I always - Yeah.
- Why don't I live by the beach? - (CHUCKLES) Here we are.
- This is perfect.
- (HAND BRAKE CRANKS) (GROANS) Thank you so much, Sanjay.
You're welcome.
Have a good baby! (CHUCKLES) Thank you.
("RELEASE ME" BY CORRINA REPP PLAYING) (SIGHS) Release me From the pattern of electricity Save me From the weeping and the wailing I'm rising I'm rising I'm rising I'm rising Wake me I'm in a force with all my mind I'm gonna rise up before I die, I die I'm rising I'm rising I'm rising - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Have a great day.
- You have a nice day.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, I will.
Sing a lullaby Let the lion lay down Your pulse is a song I'm rising I'm rising (LAUGHS) Wow, Mom! You're such a Geez! (SAM LAUGHS) Can I keep this as my first car? I'm rising We're not gonna keep this.
I know, but how cool would it be, like, driving to school in this? - Oh.
- So cool.
(ENGINE REVVING) Hi, baby.
Hi, babe.
Give me these and you go get in.
Take the thorn out now Sing a lullaby Let the lion lay down Your pulse is a song I'm in a force with all my mind I'm gonna rise up before I die, I die I'm rising Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh