Bizaardvark (2016) s02e02 Episode Script

1 Hey, guys, we've got the whole gang here, and we're gonna play Messy Musical Chairs.
Frankie, tell 'em how it works.
Well, it's musical chairs, except it's messy.
- Very helpful.
- Thank you.
Let's do it! Round one: cake.
Here we go! - You can't touch it! - I'm not! Yes! I didn't lose! I did not lose! Frankie is out! Round two: lasagna! Nobody cheat! - Athleticism.
- Don't stop! Go, go, go! Yes! Yes! Who's out? - I'm in! I'm in! - Who's out? It's my chair! It's open! It's open, yo! - Who's out? - I sat first! It was not me! It was No! No! Frankie and Amelia are out.
Round three: raw eggs! Here we go! Go.
Don't go slow.
Hey, stop, you can't push me.
Don't hover.
You can't hover.
Oh, yo! Yo! Bernie, out! Woo! Frankie, Amelia, and Bernie are out.
Now, it's time for some nachos.
Okay, don't slip on it.
Yeah! Yeah! Yes! Yes! Final round: me versus Horse Face Guy.
And we're sitting in some random blue goo.
You're goin' down! Horse Face Guy! Horse Face Fuy! Hey, I thought we were friends! Horse Face Guy! No! No! Come on! I thought we were friends.
You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos, hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
That was a great shoot! "Chocolate Bananas" is gonna be the funniest video we've ever made.
Hey, cheers to that.
Now, time for the most exciting part of the video-making process: meticulously editing for three to six hours! We're long and we're yummy We hang out in your tummy And if you leave us in the sun we get really runny Something's not right.
Yeah.
Is it the dance we're doing? No.
Is it the melody? No.
Is it the fact that we look like two giant dancing pieces of poop? Yep, that's it.
How did this happen? The costumes don't look like poop.
But I'm looking at the screen, and I'm seein' poop! Maybe it's not as bad as we think.
I'm sure the video gets better.
We're brown and we're nutty Boop, boop, boop Just keep playin' it.
We smell kinda funny Boop, boop That's not even true! Chocolate bananas smell like chocolate! That only applies to poop! Also, are we saying "boop" or "poop"? We're obviously saying "boop.
" Well, it doesn't sound like it! Oh no, and there's that part about flushing us down the toilet.
That can apply to chocolate bananas.
You can flush anything down the toilet.
But why would we say it? Did we even say the words "chocolate bananas"? Oh, no.
I don't even know what we thought this video was gonna be about.
You're right.
We're never gonna post it, nobody will ever see it.
You know what the worst part about this song is? - What? - It's catchy! Hey, Claire.
How was your weekend? Not good.
I went to my grandfather's funeral.
That's awesome.
I bought a boat! Aw, man, another funeral I didn't get invited to? I don't get it, Bernie.
I've really been workin' on my social skills so I can make friends.
At Vuuugle, I don't have to try because I can just talk about myself for hours and everyone loves it! Uh-huh.
But at school, people talk about boring things, that aren't me.
So, I made flash cards with tips on how to talk to people.
You should've just come to me for help.
I'm great at conversation.
Hey, what's up, Russell? I did my part.
You're so lucky, you already have a best friend.
Right.
Wait, who? Dirk.
Really? You think we're best friends? I don't care, I was just sayin' words.
I mean Hold on Weather, Sports, Nice Pants No.
You know, Dirk's never actually called me his best friend.
I mean, I've always thought of him as my best friend, but I don't know if he thinks I'm his.
Uhh You know, I've never had a best friend before.
I mean, if I told Dirk he was mine and he didn't say it back, I don't think I could handle it.
Bernie, just tell Dirk he's your best friend, and I'm sure he'll tell you you're his best friend.
You're right.
Thanks, Amelia, that's really good advice.
Yeah, it is.
I can't wait to get back to Vuuugle and tell everyone how good I am at conversations.
I'll bet they're all dyin' to hear about it.
Uh-huh.
School is dumb? School is dumb? School is dumb! School is Oh I thought you guys were my peeps.
I let you call me Karen.
Not principal.
Not even Principal Karen.
Just Karen! So this this is a betrayal! Do you think she cares a little too much about being friends with her students? All right, who's the graffiti vandal? Was it you, Brittany? We got our ears pierced together! This heinous crime happened sometime last night.
If anyone has any information about the coward who did this, I will be in my office, posting my feelings on social media.
At "Cool Principal 18.
" Please follow me, I post cool stuff.
We filmed "Chocolate Bananas" right here last night.
You don't think we caught whoever did this on video, do you? Aaaah, it's so much worse the second time! Who's idea was it to squat so much while we were singing? Paige, look! It's the graffiti vandal.
We have proof, we have to show this to someone.
Hold on.
That would mean showing someone "Chocolate Bananas.
" Beatbox solo! - No, just turn it off.
- Turn it off.
I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
We shouldn't show Principal Karen "Chocolate Bananas.
" That woman can't keep a secret.
She even has a gossip board! "Rebecca loves Tony.
" Heh.
With those eyes, get in line, am I right? Relax.
We're not just gonna hand over the video.
We'll feel out the vibe.
If it seems like we can't trust her, we won't give it to her.
Karen loves us.
Hey, Karen.
It's "Principal" now.
Ew, that sounds so weird.
I can't stay mad at you guys.
We're a trio! Paige, Karen and Frankie! PKF! Puh-Keff! Right? - Yeah.
- Say it! P Puh-Keff! Sorry, I freaked.
This locker vandal sitch is really stressin' my dressin'.
Ooh, I just made that up, I like it.
Do you like it? Do you think it'll catch on? Uh, sure.
A Actually, we wanna help you find the vandal because it's also, uh, really, stressin' our dressin'.
I hate myself.
So, um, hypothetically, if someone saw the vandal in action, could that person just describe it to you? Sadly, no.
Without evidence, it's just one person's word against another's.
Um uh, okay, uh, what if, hypothetically, the crime was caught on video, and that video made its way to you? You'd keep that to yourself, right? No way! I'd put that sucker online.
My followers need to know what I'm up to.
In fact, I should be live streaming this conversation right now.
- Uh, okay, good luck finding him! - Or her! Crime is gender neutral! What's up, Dareheads? In today's video, I'm joined by my partner in crime, Bernie! And today, we're playin' a game called Dirk bought a bunch of things from the grocery store, and we're gonna put them on our feet and try to do various activities in them to see if they work as shoes.
And if they do, we'll flash these can be shoes! But if they don't, we'll flash these can't be shoes! And we're not gonna need these! Baby potties! - Oh! - Ow! I was jumping, and it was, like, landing on my foot.
Yeah, I don't know if I like these ones.
Watermelons! Oh! - What kind of watermelon - The juice, it feels weird on my toes! Priceless works of art! These are my grandma's.
Uhh! Oh, yeah! I really like the feel to these.
Stylish, too! What is that, is that a Van Gogh? Sub sandwiches! - Mine already - Rippin'! How are you going so fast? Call 'em skate shoes! No, they're not! No, they're not! Oww! - Can't - Be shoes! Ohhh! It feels so good! Mac and cheese! Comfortable! Whoa! These can't be shoes! This is good.
You can barely taste the foot.
Thanks for doing that, Bern-Man.
Always great making a vid with my bud.
Uh, speaking of uh, words, there's, uh, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.
Dirk, we've been hanging out for a while now, and I just I just want you to know that you're my bah my beh beh, ah-bah dah, dah ah-dah ba-dah ah-dah bah You can stop.
I know what you're tryin' to say.
- You do? - Yeah.
You wanna start a jazz band! Bop bop bop bop bop bop diddley doh Scot scot scot scot scot scot diddley do Nose kazoo solo! Take it, Cady! Big finish! Whoo! Great practice, guys! The gig's on Thursday! And Cady you can keep that kazoo.
Sweet! Uh, Dirk.
Uh, that was fun and all, but what I was really tryin' to say before is you're my best friend.
Aw thanks, man.
Thanks? It wasn't me, I swear! What's going on? There was more graffiti last night.
And our security guard, Clark, saw Amelia leaving school around the same time.
I wasn't here, of course, because I was at home, listening to Ariana Grande.
Do you guys like her? I like her, but I'm wiling not to.
I told you, I'm innocent! And what about Security Guard Clark? What was he doin' here last night? What were any of us doing here last night? - We're all just a bunch of molecules - Okay, Clark.
Amelia, I wanna believe you're innocent, but I need you to tell me what you were doing here last night.
I can't! Shouldn't we help Amelia? We know she didn't do anything.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Okay, let's just see how this plays out.
Then I have no choice but to give you two weeks of in-school suspension.
Ahh? Let's Let's keep seeing how this plays out.
Amelia, you obviously didn't do it.
Why didn't you just tell Principal Karen what you were doing here last night? I couldn't.
It's too embarrassing.
Okay, Amelia.
They'll all be here for real tomorrow.
Let's just practice normal conversations.
Hello, Janine.
That sure is a nice sweater and/or blouse.
I have one just like No, Amelia! The world does not revolve around you! This is Janine's conversation, not yours.
From the top! I don't wanna sit in a room by myself for two weeks.
Things were getting better for me here.
I even got someone to eat lunch with me tomorrow.
Guess I'll be eating alone again.
Aww.
Well, we saw how that played out.
So, movies? - Frankie! - Ah-ha.
I know, you're gonna make me talk about this for the next four hours.
Okay, B-Money.
You told Dirk he was your best friend, and he didn't say it back.
Obviously, he isn't the kind of guy to throw around the word "best.
" Yo, Bern-Man! You want some jelly beans? They're the best! The best? Really? What makes them the best? Well, on the outside, they have a hard exterior, but on the inside, they're soft and warm.
That's how I would describe myself! Also, they're really sweet.
I'm sweet! And, they come in a box.
I've been in box.
So, is there anything else in the room you'd describe as the best? Nope.
That's it.
Sweet! Pizza's here.
This guy is the best! We have to hand over "Chocolate Bananas" to save Amelia.
We can't.
We'll be the laughing stock of school.
Come on, Frankie.
You know it's the right thing to do.
Fine.
But we're not showing that video.
I have an idea.
There's a fire drill scheduled tomorrow.
While everyone's outside, including Amelia, we'll spray-paint some lockers.
That'll prove that Amelia didn't do it, and Principal Karen will have to lift her suspension.
Wow! You just came up with that whole plan on the spot? No, I've had it for a while.
I was saving it for something important, but I guess we can waste it on Amelia.
Okay, I'm in.
Just like that? You're not gonna list the pros and cons, and say we shouldn't do it 'cause we could get suspended? Hey, I don't always worry.
I can be cool.
But seriously, think we could get suspended? There's my girl.
Hey, guys, Amelia here.
Wrongly servin' time at in-school suspension.
So here's some DIY ways for you to break me out of here Be quiet! Hey, guys, me again.
Grab a shovel, a ladder, some perfume I can still hear you! - Oo-yah an-kay - Pig Latin is still talking! One more week's suspension! - Subscribe below! - Two more weeks! Hey! Hey! Fire drill in three, two, one.
- You ready for this? - It's go time.
It feels good to be bad So good to be bad Outside the law, like an outlaw Ah, who am I kidding? I can't go through with this, even the fantasy made me uncomfortable.
Can we at least do the part where I run out of paint and you throw me a can? Ooh, yeah.
You two are the graffiti vandals? My office, now.
I hate that you're making me raise my voice in front of Jason and the cool kids! Bern-Man? Who is that super cool guy? Who? Oh-ho, you mean my boy, Bondo? I'm surprised you guys haven't met.
We pretty much do everything together.
- Right, Bondo? - True that, Barney.
Did he call you Barney? Ahh No, Bondo just has a weird accent that makes his "errs" sound like "arrs.
" Or something.
It's one of my favorite things about him.
Bondo! Tell Dirk your favorite thing about me.
I don't know, I just met you.
Ha-ha! Bond-O! This guy is always on! Hey, wanna see Bondo jump the couch on his motorcycle? I don't know how to do that.
Ha-ha, classic Bondo! Anyway, just wanted to let you know me and Bonz are headed off on a cross-country motorcycle trip, so, I won't be around for a while.
Cross-country? Really? Why? Does that make you jealous? 'Cause me and Bonderosa here are pretty tight, like, the highest level of really good friends, like, if there were a word for better than good, like, top, good, friend.
Yeah, man.
If only.
Well, let me know if you need me to take care of anything while you're gone.
Actually, if you could water some of my plants.
Seriously, Bondo? Okay, Dirk.
I think it's pretty clear how you feel.
See you around.
Hey, man.
Take care of that little guy.
He's my best friend.
Aah! I'm your best friend? Of course, Bern.
I love you, bro.
Thanks, man.
Thanks? We're not the vandals! I wish I could believe you, but not only did you deface lockers, you defaced my trust.
And for lying to me, I have to expel you.
Sorry not sorry.
Expel us? Um, can Paige and I chat in private for a moment to discuss? I say we take the expulsion.
What? Enough is enough.
We have to show her the video.
Or - Here's the plan - No! No more plans.
Fine.
We have proof that it wasn't us.
We caught the real locker vandal on video by accident.
All we ask is that you keep this to yourself.
Of course I will! We're Puh-Keff! Right? Say it! Puh-Keff! I found the real locker vandal.
Simon Vandalman? How did I not see that coming? Yep, he was just about to spray another locker and I caught him in the act.
Or did he catch me in the act of pondering my Okay, Clark! Also, Simon, school isn't dumb.
Your attitude is.
Ohh, slam! Not from you.
How redonks was that? He walked in right after you gave me this video - of the crime in progress.
- Which you no longer need, right? Actually, I'll take that.
The cops could need evidence.
We are in deep, deep chocolate bananas.
You know what? I'm glad we turned in that video.
Someone has to step up and do the right thing.
You made us wait three days, and we only turned it in when we had to.
Uh, whatever.
At least it's over.
And finally tonight, a vandal was caught at a local high school, and a so-called comedy duo named Bizaardvark captured it all on video.
We're brown and we're nutty Boop, boop, boop We smell kinda funny Boop, boop, boop And it stinks when we get on your shoe - And if you hold us - We did the right thing! Then put us in the toilet and don't forget to flush